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Bought these plastic runners to save my carpet from mud and these 2 assclowns won't walk on it.

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"Be careful to avoid this new stuff."

1.1k points · 6 months ago


I’m assuming these 2 comments are EXACTLY what happened.

That's because those two comments are the dogs posting their thoughts. Duh!

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maybe they think you got a new carpet and they don't want to get mud on it?

3.0k points · 6 months ago

Imagine if you were barefoot and your feet were full of mud and you walked into the room. What feels more comfy for muddy feet: carpet (which is essentially floor towels), or hard clear plastic?

If you human had to walk with muddy feet onto hard plastic, you'd avoid it too.

Solution: Put an inexpensive rug or washable towels on top of the hard plastic!

710 points · 6 months ago

But then how do you keep that rug or towels clean?

1.7k points · 6 months ago

put a plastic cover on it

But what if the dogs won't walk on the plastic?

put a rug over it

But how will you keep that rug clean??

811 points · 6 months ago

Walk around it.

Well, I feel we just wasted a hundred bucks on throw rugs and plastic

686 points · 6 months ago

Yeah but what a ride, man.

154 points · 6 months ago

Keep going, once you get close to the ceiling nobody will be able to enter!

What are we even trying to achieve here? A castle made of rugs and plastic?

so now which one is on the top, rug or plastic?

Not to mention that taken far enough, you'll need to get a stepladder to walk through the doorway.

Underrated comment right here

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13 points · 6 months ago

So the dogs aren't ass clowns. They are correct?

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The floor is lava!

It's carpet inception.

Happy Cakeday

I mean, put plastic over it

But what if they don’t want to walk on that plastic?

Btw I love that word “assclown”. It’s my new favorite insult.

Watch Office Space, great movie.

holy shit i didn't even realize it was my cakeday! thank you!

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Seal it

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🎵Put a rug on it! 🎶

If you liked it then you should have put a rug on it!

Don't be mad when they won't walk on it

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12 points · 6 months ago


Buy one of these, they come in 2 sizes in addition to a new runner size and thank me later! These things are AMAZING at absorbing the monsoon of shit that my German Shepherd’s manage to track in the house. Now that I know they have runner size, I just ordered it from amazon to replace the runner I have in the hallway right after the doorway that already has one of the original square type. They wash and dry really easy and the amount of water the rug consumes is nothing short of amazing lol

Dog Gone Smart Dirty Dog Doormat, Runner, Brown

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Depending on what kind it is, you spray it down with a hose or throw it into one of those big laundromat washers

If you’re going to have dogs, you might have to let go of the dream of clean carpet.

You have two sets: throw one set in the laundry one week and replace with other set. Rinse and repeat.

rinse and repeat


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Bed, bath, and beyond has big cheap rugs (for dorms) around when school starts - even cheaper if you take a gamble and wait for them to go on clearance in a week or two after school starts. Like $20 for a 7x8 (yeah they are weird sizes too, I think for dorms). For the past 4 yeas I've bought one as the "dog rug" and literally put it in my calendar to go but a new one because it was such a good deal. They're so cheap I would just throw it away or move it to the basement.

Just mentioning in case this helps someone following your advice.

Even better, buy one of the indoor/outdoor rugs at Home Depot for $20. They come 6 x 8.

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26 points · 6 months ago

Ooh and then use the coupon they always give out for 20% off one item or the $5 off coupon! I save those coupons every time I get them the mail and my local bed bath and beyond let's me use a few at a time each purchase and they never care if there expired. Can't beat that!

So does Big Lots!

As a carpet cleaner I would recommend just an area rug that fully covers the area around the door (one they cant step around) or have a carpet cleaner lay down a Teflon protector spray on the carpeted area by the doorway. It helps prevent spills and wet mud from binding to the carpet so it just wipes up.

But Teflon protector has to be reapplied when you have your carpets cleaned so it can be expensive in the long run so i normally recommend to just get a crappy area rug from Wal-Mart.

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10 points · 6 months ago


You can try getting a bath rug or an outdoor carpet as well. Bath rugs you csn throw in a washer if it isnt too large znd the outdoor ones just get hosed off.

I use towels for my dogs, just cheapo second-hand towels, we have a cupboard full of them just for the dogs. Put them on the floor, wash them after a couple days and replace with other towels.

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"Mustn't step on the new, shiney, magical floor, or master will get mad."

  • Dogs

"Yeah I get it but fuck if I'm walking on anything slippery." --German Shepherds.

13 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

I know too well this behaviour from my dog, she wouldn't walk on anything that is plastic, cause of the weird sound it makes...

And they don't bath because they don't want to get the water dirty.

I would guess it’s slippery and the dogs would prefer having a good grip on the floor so they can better control where they go instead of face planting on the slippery plastic

Haha genius . Love pets.

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Plastic runners are lava.

doggos and lava do not mix

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2.1k points · 6 months ago

Cover the entire room with the runners. Now they have no choice. You've got them this time!!

2.2k points · 6 months ago

witness the birth of hoverdoge

229 points · 6 months ago

Exactly, then you can remove the runners once you've trained the dogs to hover, and go back to plain old carpet without fear of mud

25 points · 6 months ago

If they move too quickly with too much mud it will cause a mud shower friend.

How do they get mud on themselves in the first place if they can hover?

Oh being able to hover does not replace the thrill of rolling around in the muddiest spot in the yard.

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r/shittyAskScience needs brilliant minds like yourself. Inquire within.


Altogether now, to the tune of spiderman/spiderpig: "Spiderdoge spiderdodge, does whatever Spiderdoge does"

Comment deleted6 months ago

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This should need no explanation

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furniture is the new floor

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I'm impressed with the lack of hesitation.


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They will jump onto the filing cabinet and walk across the desk.

The floor is made of lava.

They aren’t cats


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34 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

You know, this was my grandmother’s logic with upholstered furniture. I never understood it. What’s the point of having soft furniture if you’re going to cover it in hard, sticky plastic, which also looks pretty ugly? I totally get covering the parts that get beat-up the most, like the arm and foot rests, but damn man don’t do the whole thing

You'll thank her when she passes and the time comes that the family gets to raid her house of all their awesome stuff that's in impeccable condition.

And then you'll realize it still wasn't worth it because the couch probably has a floral pattern that dates it back to the 80s and isn't even remotely comfortable anymore.

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We have one dog who HATES tile/hardwood floors because his paw-fur gets so long that he starts to slip.

If we did something like that, he'd absolutely just sit at the door and be like, 'I don't understand why you did this to me...'

Do you trim your dogs paw fur? Any time I groom or trim my wheaten’s nails I trim the fur in between his pads

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123 points · 6 months ago

True, but you can slow the decay. I stop her at the door and wipe my shepherds feet as she comes in if it’s wet outside.

/u/nomangm, trim the hair on their pads and they won’t hold quite as much filth. You can do a half assed job with scissors, or a groomer can buzz it for you. They should do it ala carte while you wait. If you use a home trimmer you will almost certainly jam or break the blade.

I’ve never had any trouble with mud, but the fucking ticks in the summer. Holy shit. We’ve tried fucking everything.

308 points · 6 months ago

We’ve tried fucking everything.

There's your problem. You need to stop fornicating and actually deal with the problem itself.

Nexgard. It is about $20 a month per dog, worth it.

Nexgard is a goddamn fucking miracle. That is worth every penny. We lived with my mom through a summer with our shepherd- she had three cats and a basset hound, in a neighborhood of abandoned homes and pets. We put the dogs on nexgard and within days all ticks and fleas died. Before nexgard it was impossible to control. That stuff immediately improved the lives of all the pets.

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7 points · 6 months ago

I’ve used this. It works well

My vet offers that or activyl activyl is $15 a month and works really well for my dogs

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66 points · 6 months ago

I consider ticks to be evidence there is no god.

6 points · 6 months ago

I'm like that with mosquitos.

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Fucking everything probably isn't the solution. Sure, it feels good, but it's not getting rid of ticks.

13 points · 6 months ago

But what if they try fucking the ticks. That’s sure to scare them away.

Sure, with regular ticks. But /u/Back_To_The_Oilfield has "fucking ticks".

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If you have room, guinea fowl are tick eating machines.

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Comment deleted6 months ago

Invoking the Great Old Ones is maybe a bit of a disproportionate response to ticks.

I feel like you haven't had to deal with multiple ticks at once...

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14 points · 6 months ago

My two dogs are exactly this too. Avoid the towels and rugs at all costs and try to head straight for the rooms with carpet. Thankfully I've got tiles in the porch and kitchen but could do with getting wood in the living room.

Check into vinyl plank! It looks like wood, but is 100 % waterproof and pet-proof.

I have vinyl floors, can confirm, it's awesome! I don't have dogs, but you could spill stuff on it all day long and it doesn't get damaged at all. Also it doesn't scratch easily like wood does with dog claws especially.

Yeah, I recommend it for all people with active lives who don't want to have to worry about their floor. The manufacturers have come a long way with this flooring, making it look like actual wood. We put a lot of it in our customers' homes, and most people love it!

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This guy doggos

Comment deleted6 months ago

why has no one suggested simply getting rid of all of the mud in the world outside their home?

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I always think to myself that I want a dog. I grew up with dogs as a kid and it was the best, because didn't notice the pain points.

Then I see posts like these and realize I may not be able to handle dogs. I have to cover up my carpet in order to protect my carpet from dogs? So I have to stare at these ugly covers? What is the point of having the carpet if I cover them all up anyway?

Carpet is less important than dogs. Also if you really care that much about the floors then get laminate flooring everywhere. That's also fashionable so it'll look good too if that's what you're worried about

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1.2k points · 6 months ago

Up vote for assclowns

Michael Bolton said it best.

That no-talent assclown

Why should I change my name? He”s the one that sucks.

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I didn’t think anybody else used that word but I stand corrected

43 points · 6 months ago

If I want start using it can I? Or will I end up paying royalties?

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43 points · 6 months ago

You wouldn't download a car, would you?

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Wow, this guy downloads alright.

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Made me think of Chris Jericho in the early 2000's.

Which made me think of 'Listen up, Slapnuts!', but I guess that was Jeff Jarrett.

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It’s probably because it’s an unusual texture. Give it time and they may get used to it. They could end up avoiding it forever though. I’d recommend trying a reward based system to train them to use it. Of course, if they’re going in and out quite a bit that may prove inefficient.

reward based system

While they’re outside, lay an inch-thick slab of peanut butter down the middle of the plastic. Gradually reduce amount of peanut butter.

This is going to sound crazy, but you can put that mat directly in front of the door.

74 points · 6 months ago

They're probably gonna jump over it

Put it where they land

I don't want my doggos to float away dude, wtf.

Mate you just put an overhang with plastic runner as the ceiling to prevent that from happening. And then you feed this into a torus-shaped construction that the dogs can travel within.

This thread is lovely haha

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This is going to sound crazier, but training dogs to clean their feet is super easy.

Have them walk in circles (spin around) outside on the concrete / old carpet / door mat / artificial turf before letting them back in.

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Do you want ants? Cause that's how you get ants...

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Ding ding ding

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Or replace it with some towels at the door that are comfortable for their feet, takes care of the mud, and that you can also just pick up and throw in the wash. Everyone wins...

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Comment deleted6 months ago

Trained my dog to hold up her paws. I just say "paws" and she holds them up for me to inspect or clean off.

Yeah, I dogsat and inadvertently taught their dogs to do something similar. I'd pat my legs to have the pups put their paws up on them (I was sitting on stairs in the garage) so I could clean em up. They caught on REAL quick and now the owners just roll with it. Used to have to chase em around the garage with a towel. Dogs are neat, man.

Can't get my dog to do anything.

Can't make her eat, can't make her stop barking up a storm when someone walks into the house.

Have you tried turning it off and then on again?

Gosh...they are smart...if you say that to me I would cease thinking you said 'pause'

I can't even teach my 12 year old kid to hang his coat up instead of just throwing it in the hall closet.

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Yep, it can get tedious, but just toweling off their paws is the best route. Of course they'll fight it at first, but soon they'll come in one at a time to get their paws clean

28 points · 6 months ago

Yeah, if you’re consistent about it they pick it up really quick. Wiping their paws might be tedious, but not nearly as much as mopping my terrazzo...

Sometimes I'll put a water bowl on the porch that i jam their feet into and swish around.

This. My Great Dane likes to go out and dig in the red mud. I’ve got a bucket that I swish each paw around in individually and then squeeze in a towel before he is allowed to come back inside. He knows the drill.

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139 points · 6 months ago

I bought one of those blackhole litter mats for my cat so it would hopefully collect most of it. Extra big one at that. That punk cat decides, nope, let's just long jump over it spraying more litter everywhere

My foster kittens taught me what a pain in the dick wet litter is. They shovel litter out of the bix and tip over their water bowl. The underside if the box was a fucking pile of slime. The clumping litter absorbed the water puddle and turned into something you can't sweep or mop, just grab handfuls of and shove into a trash bag. Then paper towel the shit out of the floor.

Get a shopvac and clean with water. You're picking up clay, just wash it off for easiest cleanup. Spray water, vacuum water, wipe up whatever's left on the surface.

And don't make your cats shit and eat in the same place.

And don't make your cats shit and eat in the same place.

Worth saying twice.

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I know that slime, ugh. The bottom edge of the shower divider wall thing in our rental apartment leaks and gets under the litterbox, which is situated between said divider and the toilet. We mitigate the situation and trap extra litter with a dedicated fluffy bathmat underneath that we dust-buster of loose litter as needed and chuck into the washing machine when it gets gross. Less litter slime gets on the floor tiles, so less of a hassle to clean. (Still a PITA though.)

That being said, if the water getting to your litter is from their water bowl, don't keep their (food and) water bowls near their litterbox, and this actually first and foremost for hygienic reasons.

(Unless you've got a quarantine-in-the-bathroom-type situation going on, in which case do what you gotta do.)

Thank you for fostering. <3

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271 points · 6 months ago


Ive managed to step on these pointy side up twice in my life. The absolute worst pain. Im having flashbacks.

Worse than a Lego?

I've stepped on both and survived both times. Legos are definitely worse.

How about a UK plug?

Those fuckers always lie pin side up.

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Barbie high heels even worse.

toothpick embedded in carpet? worst than lego, ya know it hurts when you have to pull half a toothpick out of your foot....

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Yeah I think the spikes are to stop it from slipping on the carpet.

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They are down

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How to take care of carpeting.

Step one: throw it in the trash

143 points · 6 months ago

2? I counted at least 48 and the video is still going.

Well, youcame down here to comment. Now you have to start all over at one.

DAMN IT. I've come back to read your comment at 78322 and you sir are absolutely correct.


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You didn't really put it on the racing line, they're just going wide to carry more speed.

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Dogs grip the floor with their nails. They won’t get traction on it so they avoid it.

LOL. Try putting towels on top of the plastic runners so their feeties are on something familiar.

Then put carpet on top of the towels so their feeties are on something really familiar.

There you go.

towels would just slide right off. if your gonna use towels just put them on the carpet.

Yes, I think that's your best bet, although a bedspread or blanket might work better to cover the area or you'll be readjusting the towels frequently.

They probably don't like how it feels, plus they probably get horrible traction on it.

10 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

Amazed I had to read this far down to find the right explanation.

also agree with /u/Wulfram77's post and /u/Audibledogfarts' comment. Dogs are trying to conserve speed, time, and energy! And like us, they don't like to slip.

edit: /u/nomangm, lay down a rough rug between the towel and the filing cabinet, giving the dogs something to grip in the turn. Also, the dogs will keep on the plastic runner better if it's aimed slightly to the left of the door, rather than aimed straight at the middle of the doorway. Yes the shortest distance is a straight line, but neither humans nor dogs can turn on a dime (or rather, we usually don't want to).

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Not today hooman

My dog kept slipping on my wooden stairs, so I installed carpet pads that take up the middle 2/3 of the stair. She walks on the small exposed wood part and still slips.

At this point why have carpet? Putting plastic floors on top of your floors...

Assclowns. I’m dying. 😆

Never understood covering your carpet with something ugly to "save it" from being ruined...

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19 points · 6 months ago

The runners look worse than a muddy carpet

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74 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

I've never understood Americans' insistence on wall-to-wall carpets.

It just seems so dirty. Just thinking about how much filth can accumulate on a hardwood floor throughout the week, and knowing it just sinks into those carpets, gives me the shivers. And to clean it you literally need something called a carpet shampoo, and a special machine to actually get it clean. Nope. Nope. Nope. Not worth it. I'll stick to my fuzzy slippers, and my scandinavian hardwood flooring.

50 points · 6 months ago

As an American.. fuck carpet.

I have thrown out so much stinky gross carpet when renovating houses. I refuse to put carpet in any place I am going to live. I would rather pull it out and even just have a laminated floor over carpet.

Last time I dealt with carpet it was in a kitchen... and they laid carpet on top of the old carpet, so there were two layers of the stuff.

58 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

Why would anyone put carpet in a kitchen? That sounds about as good an idea as putting it in a bathroom.

Which used to be a thing in Britain...

19 points · 6 months ago

Seriously? That has got to be the most disgusting thing. Like I have some rugs in my bathroom, but they are small and I can pick them up and wash them or throw them out.

Yeh ireland too... my old house as a kid had carpet in the bathroom... It's gross

Only nice thing about it was the floor was nice and warm in the cold mornings barefoot

Now kitchens and bathrooms are typically tiled and usually wooden floors in all rooms ... maybe carpet in bedrooms

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Just started watching the show fixer upper. A surprising amount of houses built ~100 years ago have carpeted steps leading up to the bathtub. How is that smart???

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As an American, the 30 year old carpet in one of the bathrooms is admittedly kind of gross.

Try small 6 by 6 feet carpers which can be cleaned and only put them at strategic locations where you walk barefoot.

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Not from US and I love wooden floors; we have wooden floors throughout the house.

There are good reasons for carpets. It isn't slippery, a child won't be as hurt if they fall and hit their head, it is cleaner to the eye, you can sit on the floor without discomfort, it protects the wooden floor underneath, doesn't scratch, easy to change the look by changing carpets... feel like I could go on for a while.

I wouldn't give up my wooden floors, and I agree with carpets being dirty, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss a carpet to sit on (I like sitting on the floor) or how they aren't cold to touch.

I have hardwood throughout my house, but when i have kids and finish the basement to make a play area for them it'll be wall to wall carpet down there. Another feature: sound absorption

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protects the wooden floor underneath

Are you thinking about just normal carpets? I wouldn't expect wall-to-wall carpets protected the floors. Aren't wall-to-wall carpets attached to the floor with adhesives of some kind? I'd imagine that would ruin whatever hardwood you have underneath. No?

11 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

My bad, I don't know much about carpets. The ones we have here (RSA) are mostly bonded to the wall with nails and wood. It's a big thing here to rip carpets off to reveal a wonderful wooden floor that just needs a bit of work.

Edit: our houses are all brick n mortar

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I really wish carpet were not the default in apartments here. Accumulated stains from who knows how many residents. Even freshly vacuumed they never look nice and clean. You will never have a nice apartment if you at best have unidentified spots covering the floors. And that's just what you can see. And sweeping/mopping is just easier, more effective. I cant buy a dyson but I can buy a five dollar broom.

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You can clean their paws at the door. Just like you normally take off your shoes. Can't expect them to do it for you 😐

Had GSD, can confirm. Just copious treats and lots of praise. They'll whine and fuss initially but adapt.

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Because it is slippery

It's slippery when their paws are wet, and claws don't make it any easier. Try a different material like an actual rug.

I know that my dog (german shepherd) is terrified of linoleum the linoleum flooring in the mudroom of our house because it's so slippery and she can't run through it without falling over

What's an assclown?

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5 points · 6 months ago

Even your dogs think thats tacky af

ur carpet is like nana's couch bro

Dogs have an innate ability to always choose the most efficient surface to walk and run on.

Sometimes i like to flip those and walk on it and see if i can make it to the other side, after i use legos

You should make longer gif with the mat moved into the position of the dogs last line they walked, multiple times.

So how many dogs do you have? I have counted 32 till now

I had to stop watching after the 20th dog. You need counseling.

3 points · 6 months ago

best use of the word assclown

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