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Well butter my biscuits

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level 1
Mod Moderator of r/BlackPeopleTwitter, speaking officiallyScore hidden · 2 months ago · Stickied comment

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level 1
7.5k points · 2 months ago

On top of that, they’re greeting each other like this while ass naked in a locker room drying their balls with the hair dryer. But some of these guys still get offended at gay pride parades...

level 2
2.8k points · 2 months ago

More like flossing their crack with a towel

level 3

How else you supposed to dry it?

level 4
546 points · 2 months ago

shake it off and open air dry

level 5

Squat on a space heater

level 6

I’ve done this many times

level 7
Mod 362 points · 2 months ago
level 8

Risky click of the day

level 9

I've seen riskier

level 10
110 points · 2 months ago

Today though?

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level 8
Host of Depression Hours™️45 points · 2 months ago

This is why I can't quit Reddit

level 9

But why would you want to

level 10

Maybe because I want to live the lives of all the people I've vicariously enjoyed for so long while sitting in front of this screen. Well, I'd only be able to live one life though, so never mind that bullshit.

level 8

You don’t know freedom until your boys are bone dry and not sticking to everything. Also a hair dryer, a fan used for drying warehouses, you name it.

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level 6

I've honestly done this, and it makes the air smell like wet balls. Makes me laugh everytime. Probably should wash my balls more often tho

level 7

That’s the worst thing I’ve read all day but I’m giggling like an idiot.

level 7

and it makes the air smell like wet balls

Neph

probably should wash my balls more often tho

Oh man..

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level 5

Bounce that ass until dry.

level 6
58 points · 2 months ago

Steps for a Clean, Dry Ass

  1. Lather the ass

  2. Rinse the ass

  3. Twerk the ass

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level 5

majestic af

level 4

How else will I become the boss of this gym?

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level 2

Only army gay and locker room gay are acceptable

level 3
416 points · 2 months ago

Also, boarding school gay and back-packing through Europe gay.

level 4

back-packing

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

level 5

Talking about ass fucking

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level 3
133 points · 2 months ago

Don’t forget about Prison Gay

level 4

Just saying, those guys are swole. If I were male, I don't think I could be fit enough to be prison gay.

level 5
[deleted]
124 points · 2 months ago

You'd get fit being in there. You have nothing better to do than lift weights and read, for the most part. There's other activities sure, but lifting gives you a high and makes you feel better about yourself, which is a tremendous benefit when you're locked up.

level 6
41 points · 2 months ago

Also you wanna be big enough that most people just avoid fucking with you.

If you scrawny as fuck promise some loudmouth will make you a target.

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level 5

There's a different role for you.

level 6

His is another path.

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level 4

“That ain’t gay that’s just jail, he was on the outside fucking bootyhole”

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level 3

And of course stuck in an elevator gay

level 4

Jesus, how long were you in there?

level 5

Long enough ;)

level 6

You guys are killing me 😂😜

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level 5

As long as it takes..

level 3

Army or navy?

level 4
153 points · 2 months ago

Navy is pride parade gay. There’s a reason San Diego is a very accepting city.

Army gay is lighting pubes-on-fire gay.

level 5

Navy Vet, can confirm. My nickname as a new guy was "pretty ricky" and apparently a pretty boy on all male boats passes for a girl during an underway, didn't even have to be a long one for the "me too" shit to start.

Navy is clear and aggressive kinds of gay.

level 6

it's not gay if it's underway.

level 7

Not queer on the pier either

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level 6

I'll never forget about 4 months into deployment. Saw the lower half of someone working up in the nosewell of an F18 and their ass looked so bodacious in coveralls. Person leans down to grab a tool and it's a dude with a beard (black guys always got no shave chits so easy). I was surprised but not disappointed.

Ass was still fat so I let him know.

level 6

On international waters gay has a different meaning

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level 5

Idk in my experience they saying "ain't nothing gayer than a group of straight marines" holds pretty true, but yeaa the navy is pretty gay.

level 6

The Navy is literally full of seamen, it can't get much gayer than that

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level 4

It's not gay underway.

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level 2

Im a white dude who didnt get this tweet...until you painted a scene i witnessed everyday in the locker room at the ymca at lunch. Nothing like some 70 year old waltzing through but ass naked bitching about the "fag parade next weekend". Or "fuck my sideways i havent seen you since that par 72.73 game at the 1887 company picnic"

level 3

From their perspective it makes sense. They can do borderline gay shit without it being gay, as they think gay shit is punishable by god.

level 2
243 points · 2 months ago

Is it just me or is this just an old man thing and less a race thing, because at my local YMCA it's all the old guys. Black, White, Latino and Asian. They all know each other and have full on conversations while showering and sitting bare ass in the sauna (shudders). Maybe because it's Southern California or something, but it doesn't feel so segregated.

level 3

It's definitely an old man thing more than a race thing. I've seen it in just about every locker room I've been in, and the demographic breakdown is basically the same as the demographic breakdown of the general area.

level 4
38 points · 2 months ago · edited 2 months ago

I feel like as you get older you start caring less and less about seeing another mans junk. We all have a set, i'll show you mine even though its kinda small, i don't even care.

Shit, in college me and my roommate would bang our girls in the same room at the same time. Nothing gay about that. Sometimes we'd even play pranks on each other like hop in the shower while the other one was using it, or pantsing each other when they're sleeping. Haha good times.

level 3

I grew up playing a lot of sports. Being naked surrounded by other naked dudes is pretty comfortable to me. I've been showering after PE since I was in 7th grade. Didn't want to be the stinky kid that covered it up with cologne or axe.

level 4

The naked part in these locker rooms isn’t that odd to me. It’s the 5 min convo while dang swang that I find odd.

level 5

If you played sports (and military as well), you got used to showering with a bunch of guys. If you didn't talk to each other while showering it's a lot of awkward silence. At some point you stop giving a shit and strike up conversation.

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level 2
[deleted]
92 points · 2 months ago(13 children)
level 3
[deleted]
59 points · 2 months ago(0 children)

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level 3
11 points · 2 months ago

That fucking hair dryer

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level 2

Hah I guess its sports. Nothing weird about showering with each other, but don't you dare rub against me.

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level 2
37 points · 2 months ago

Why do you have to make it a political thing man. Why

level 2
[deleted]
20 points · 2 months ago(3 children)

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level 2

Gay pride is for the locker room you animal!

level 2

Real talk though, drying your balls with a hair dryer is the best. No one should have to suffer damp balls. Get those sons of bitches nice and dry.

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level 1

I’ve never felt more white; the sentiment was spot on and I didn’t know what “extra” meant without the context...

level 2
1.6k points · 2 months ago · edited 2 months ago

I'm shocked with a name like Randy Watson

level 3

Randy Watson is a character Eddie Murphy plays in Coming to America, it’s not my actual name yah dingleberry

level 4

That boy is good!

level 5

Sexual Chocolate everyone!

level 6

The guys got his own money, and I mean he’s got his own money!

level 6

yah you fuckin dingleberry.

level 5

Hmhm. Good and terrible.

level 5

good & terrible...

god damn that boy can sing!

level 6

He good!

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level 4

Hello irony

level 4

You might remember him as Joe the Policeman from the What’s Going Down Episode of “Thats My Mama”

level 4

I love that you called him a dingleberry....wait...what IS a dingleberry?

level 5

Pretty sure that’s a little bit of shit stuck to your ass hair

level 6
26 points · 2 months ago

That’s exactly what it is.

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level 4

You ain't never met Martin Luther the King.

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level 1

This is the bridge between races. If I had a nickel for every time i saw black guys reunite after years apart despite having partied together last week...

level 2
level 3
261 points · 2 months ago

That's 30¢ worth of oatmeal right there

level 4

Terry loves oatmeal

level 3
194 points · 2 months ago

Holy shit I just realized the kid from Everybody Hates Chris was in the walking dead as an adult where the fuck have my years gone?

level 4

Yeah he gets brutally devoured

level 5

Well yeah, the show is called everybody HATES chris

level 6

Everybody ATES Chris

level 7

That's the French version

level 8

No, that's "Everybody Surrenders to Chris whilst drinking wine."

level 4

His name is Chris

level 3

“Hey, everybody! Come quick! People doing a secret handshake!”

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level 2

Oh man in high school my friends and I were playing basketball at the park and one of my black friends saw another dude that he recognized and ran up, hugged him, put him in the game and said shit like “damn I’ve missed playing ball with you, dog.”

The other dude was on the school BBall team with my friend.

level 3

Its because his friend is more challenging or fun to play with than you guys.

level 4

I mean that part I understand. It’s just that it felt like he hadn’t seen him in years.

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level 1
Original Poster1.9k points · 2 months ago

When older white ladies catch each other in the supermarket cash out line even though they saw each other last night"Oh my God Diane is that yoooooou?""Oh my God Baaaaarrbaraa it's been forever"😭😭😂😂

level 2
641 points · 2 months ago

"hey stranger! long time no see!!"

level 3

This made me cringe. I fucking hate that statement.

level 4

What do you say instead?

level 5

Well suck my piss ya old nuggety slit blister, it’s nasty Babs!

level 6

Sup nasty Babs

level 6

oh my fucking god

level 5

"Greetings brother, any news from the North"

level 3

It’s not just “stranger” it becomes “heyyyy straaaaaaynjirrrrr”

level 4

You're giving me PTSD of my mom

level 4

“What’re ya buyin’?”

level 5
24 points · 2 months ago

"He he he, thank you!"

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level 5

"What're ya sellin'?"

level 6

“Ahhhh, I’ll buy it at a high price!”

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level 2

You'd think my friends and I were trying to hit on each other.

"Heeey gorgeous!"

"Omg what's your beautiful ass doing at Wal Mart? You fine ass bitch c'mere lovely!"

level 3
66 points · 2 months ago · edited 2 months ago

Men fake insult their friends, women fake compliment their friends. Exceptions apply, of course. Always like when women can roast ya.

level 4

oh yeah I also rip them to shreds. But usually the first greeting is like an ego boost for both of us.

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level 2
103 points · 2 months ago

In my experience, the longer they stretch the vowels, the more they hate each other.

level 3

100% this.

level 2

I don't mind the grocery store because I can just go to a different line but when they so this in their cars and in the parking lot I'm stuck...

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level 1
1.1k points · 2 months ago

If we try some kind of elaborate handshake, we fail, awkwardly. It's all we have.

level 2
358 points · 2 months ago

I always have a sinking feeling in my gut after one of those. Like, dude, I don't know what you're doing or how you expect people to just know 827 secret handshakes. Just shake my hand. I'm embarrassed, now.

level 3

Stonewall 'em, bud. Just go for the standard handshake, and stand your damn ground.

level 4
95 points · 2 months ago

If he's insistent, he'll make a secret handshake that just goes nuts on your stone-stiff 'normal handshake' hand

level 5
65 points · 2 months ago

My buddy and I have a secret handshake where we act all sketchy, get up close, and hide a normal ass white man handshake. Best one, if you ask me.

Source: am white as fuck.

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level 2

This sub is apparently just white people trying to get street cred with imaginary black people by talking about how awkward they feel being white. Weird.

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level 1

"it's been what ... ten years ?? ... Oh are you still working over at the film studio ... Oh sexual harrasment huh ?? ... Yeah it's definitely a different time"

level 2

To shreds you say?

level 3

And how's his wife holding up?

level 4

To shreds you say?

level 5

And how are children?

level 1

“Well paint me blue and fuck me sideways! How long has it been Jim?”

level 2

As a white person, I never realized just how much sideways fucking we were actually doing.

level 3
213 points · 2 months ago

It’s our signature move.

level 4

It really is. Great lazy sex.

level 4

Can't believe I've been doing Missionary this whole time.

level 3

Well fuck me sideways with a rake, if it isn't my dear cousin Franklin! How the hell are ya? Still with the wife?

level 4
Comment deleted2 months ago(1 child)

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level 3

I prefer the phrase "fuck me running" but "sideways" is a nice on to sprinkle in once in a while.

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level 2

I've heard this one a LOT...for some reason also "spank my ass and call me sally"

level 1

Smack my ass and call me sally, is that you Harold?

level 2

Harold hides his pain well

level 3

Harold is worthy of the title Hokage. He walks ahead of others, enduring his own pain for their sake.

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level 1
[deleted]
544 points · 2 months ago(3 children)
level 2
[deleted]
180 points · 2 months ago(0 children)

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level 1

When you get old you cannot be confident that people you knew when you are younger but you havent seen for a while are still alive. So, I expect it is always a treat to find that an old friend is not dead. Thats actually one of the scariest things about being old to me, you get lonely cause all your friends and family die off.

level 2

Well I'll be dipped in monkey shit, if it isn't Mr. "Still alive" himself! How the hell are ya, Steve? Still hooked up to that machine that helps ya breathe? Yeah, me too.

level 3

How's his wife?

To shreds you say

level 2
136 points · 2 months ago

This is definitely a thing that happens. A few years ago I was on the max going through downtown when this homeless-looking guy got on. He walked past a few rows of seats and then suddenly stopped and shouted out, “DUDE! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!” And then dropped his stuff and the other homeless-looking guy he was talking to jumped up and they hugged super happily.

level 3

Awwwe that's the sweetest sad thing I've read in a while.

level 2

That’s why I’m going first

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level 1

Being an old white dude i wanted to say this really puts my waffles in the toaster.

level 2
43 points · 2 months ago

Because toasty waffles keep GOBLIN_PUSSY happy!

level 1
136 points · 2 months ago

Why does a group of black dudes run a quarter of a mile all in opposite directions when they find something funny?...

Life is filled with mysteries

level 1

As a white dude, I just greet my follows as niBBas.

level 2

Correction: “Ni🅱️🅱️as 😤”

It doesn’t count if your facial expression doesn’t mirror the following emoji.

level 3

I am going to try my best to improve my grammar. Cheers, my Ni🅱️🅱️a 😤.

level 4

Wow, most of my ni🅱️🅱️as 😤 get a little butthurt when I correct them, but you’re a real one for that!

level 1

It's called banter.

level 1

Mostly, I am just surprised he is still alive. At that age, we know how much coke, booze, and hookers your buddy has done, and it's always a shock to see them on the outside of a coffin.

level 2

My dad says the same thing. Any time he sees a friend they talk like they’ll never see each other again... because they might not. They’ve lost so many of each other already I think he’s terrified.

level 1

"IS THAT SULLY? SULLIVAN, YOU CHODE!"

level 2
Comment deleted2 months ago(7 children)

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level 1

The phrase is actually, "Butter my butt and call me a biscuit".

It's one of my favorite southernisms.

level 2

I thought it was butter my buns and call me a biscuit?

level 3

I thought it was butter my buns and call me a biscuit?

That does make more literal sense, but I've always heard it as butt.

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level 1

Black men recognizing their friends out on dates are more supportive than drunk white chicks that met for the first time in the bathroom earlier tonight

level 2

Supportive in what way? They try to make their friend look good in front of the woman? That’s awesome if true.

Edit: or man if that’s your thing.

level 3

Like dapped up and “ahh hell yeah man i see you out here. KEEP doin ur thang man, get it”

So ye hella supportive

level 4

Literally had a white friend post a picture of another friend out on a date on Snapchat from behind.

It was goddamn incredible.

“How does this ugly fuckhead have a date. Imma ruin it.”

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level 1

I admit we go over the top. Saw an alcoholic friend last week and I said, “well Tom Yates! How’s the cirrhosis you degenerate fuck?”

level 2

Lol

level 1
39 points · 2 months ago

I always here, “how ya been, ya son of a bitch?”

level 1

Ain't got shit on when we see each other in the hallways tho.

"HEYBESTFRIEEEEND"

level 1

“JESUS JIMMY HOW THE HELL ARE YE!!???” grabs friends arm tightly asf and proceeds to lower voice to a whisper when proceeding with conversation

That’s how my grandad does it anyway...

level 1

Damn, I’m only 18 and I’ve noticed I’ve started to do this. It started off as ironic but now it’s an actual habit.

level 2

I’m only 19, but after coming back from my first year of college and seeing my friends for the first time I’ve noticed myself doing this as well. The key to this is, before you shake the other guys hand, you must bring out your arm as wide as possible, spread your hand out as to create the most surface area possible with your arm, and come in hard enough to make a loud slapping noise, but soft enough so that your hands hit together perfectly on the first try. Also you can squat a little or throw those little fake punches, although those are optional.

edit: Throwing in a “who let you in here?” can add a bit of zest to this interaction.

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level 1

As an old white guy all I can say is this is accurate

level 1
[deleted]
26 points · 2 months ago(7 children)

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level 1

“Ned? Ned Ryerson? Bing!

Now, don't you tell me you don't remember me because I sure as heckfire remember you.”

level 1
[deleted]
19 points · 2 months ago(12 children)
level 2

Tweets just poking fun, no harm in that

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level 1

I think it’s obvious. That shits fun. You’re telling me this isn’t a blast to say?

level 1
15 points · 2 months ago · edited 6 days ago

123

level 1

😂😂 But black people totally get extra when they encounter one another in public. They get loud and ornery

level 1

My boss for my landscaping job just says “AYYYEYE AAAHH HEY AYE AYYYYYYE ARGGHHHH AHHHHHH HEYYYYY AHHHHHHHH!!! GORDY! HOW YA DOIN KID?! AHHHHHH!” if he ever sees me outside of work.

One time I saw him on my way to school while he was on his way to dropping his kids off at school and it was pretty much the same thing, but with a lot of honking.

level 1
[deleted]
19 points · 2 months ago(7 children)

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level 1

I can’t imagine how white you would have to be to be offended by this

level 1
14 points · 2 months ago

“Well cut my legs off and call me shorty”

level 1

Because they’re surprised they’re still alive and really happy about the fact they are.

level 1
[deleted]
15 points · 2 months ago(4 children)

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level 1

About as extra as magic tricks

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level 1
[deleted]
12 points · 2 months ago(2 children)

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