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33.3k

SLPT: Bathroom edition

318 comments
92% Upvoted
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level 1
1.2k points · 1 month ago

I was in a gas station bathroom once, kind of a dilapidated and run down establishment, while on a road trip.

I was doing my thing with the door locked and it starts rattling.

“Occupied” I yelled!

Still keeps rattling, and the thing isn’t very sturdy.

“Occupied” I yelled even louder!

The rattling gets even more intense, and after about 20 seconds of this dude working the locked door, and me yelling “Occupied!” over and over, he finally gets it undone and comes through the door.

As soon as he sees me with my drawers around my ankles, he immediately turns bright red and yells “Oh, sorry!”and immediately closes the door.

I wash up and come out kind of laughing about the absurdity of the whole thing, while he doesn’t make eye contact out of embarrassment.

What the fuck did he expect!?!? Any other person would’ve gathered from the first few jiggles, that this public restroom was probably “OCCUPIED!”

level 2

What if it's part of his elaborate kink

level 2

"Don't turn this rape into a murder!"

level 3
108 points · 1 month ago

Exactly. With a lot of people I know homes would've walked into a loaded gun.

level 4
80 points · 1 month ago

This sentence gives me paralyzing anxiety.

level 5

I think he means "homes" as in "homie."

level 6

I was thinking Holmes, like Sherlock, cuz of the obvious above average deductive reasoning.

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level 4

Wow how cool of your friends to draw a gun while shitting on some idiot walking into a public restroom

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level 2

This happened to me in a fucking Arctic Circle in Salt Lake City. And the shitter door opened so the throne faced the entire restaurant. Employee dude opens up the door after me repeatedly saying "yo!" and "hello!" but inevitably gave the entire place a view of this guy honkin out a dirt snake. Shame on you, Arctic Circle.

level 2
41 points · 1 month ago

I worked at a middle school and was using a “staff only” bathroom. If unoccupied, the door is typically left open, or closed and unlocked - if occupied, the door would be shut and locked (duh). So one day I was taking a huge dump and someone starts rattling the door. I jump a little, but am like “whew, it’s locked! I can keep pooping”. And then I hear someone UNLOCKING THE FUCKING DOOR WITH THEIR KEY. A teacher pops her head in, sees me pooping, screams, tries to leave swiftly while turning bright red, gets her lanyard stuck on the door, and finally leaves after what felt like 20 minutes of holding in a poo... thankfully this happened about 2 days before my last day there, so I never had to see her again lol.

level 3

I dunno... I might've put that on her record.

How could she be that dumb?

level 4
4 points · 28 days ago

I like to think it was pregnancy brain? She was like 7 mos pregnant and probably just really needs to pee between classes

level 2

I was on a flight yesterday and I had to pee. I get up when the seat belt light turns off and there's another man who gets to the door before me. It's locked which makes sense because I thought I heard someone go in there before the light went off. The man says, "We might have to get someone to come open it". To which I reply, "I think someone's in there." He then looks around and proceeds to lift a little metal cover on the door exposing the locking mechanism. He flips the latch and yanks the door open then immediately slams it. Eyes wide dude says, "Wow she got in there fast!"

level 2

Maybe he's deaf?

level 3
216 points · 1 month ago

Deaf people are still perceptive enough to know when a bathroom door is locked. Pretty sure this guy wasn’t though.

level 4

Also deaf people can see through the crack like the rest of us.

level 5

not if he's blind too

level 6

If he were deaf and blind he might've just sauntered on over and pissed on OP.

level 7

good use of the word sauntered

level 6

And has no feeling in his hands so he couldn't feel the very obvious tactile information that it was locked.

level 4

Probably a baby boomer hard of hearing

level 5

"what do you mean this bathroom isn't available? I'm not in it! Forget this I'm going to go throw trash into the ocean!"

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level 2
8 points · 1 month ago

Sometimes u needa shit so bad u are willing to try aim it through a strangers legs.

level 2

This happened to me as well, yelling occupied over and over didn’t help, and it was a crowded bathroom at a convention so it’s not like it was unoccupied, except this time a 5 year old crawls under the door and attempts to get in... That didn’t go well. Then this kid does it to another person! I’ll never understand why...

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level 1
400 points · 1 month ago

Just do a loud 'subtle' sniff to let them know you're in there.

level 2

When I hear a door open I start coughing and they still look under or try the door.

Could coughing be some underground sign for "come on in"

level 3

Yea stickin your head under the door is a good way to get kicked in the face.

level 4

You gotta do the wilson... hiddy ho neighbor

level 3

Maybe they were looking for sex and thought your cough was the signal.

level 2

When I was worked a job that required cleaning bathrooms, I would always announce "closed for cleaning" if someone tried opening the locked door. Then I realized I could just say that all the time. So now whenever I'm using a public restroom and someone tries to open the door, I just say "closed for cleaning."

level 3

Your poop actually cleans everything it touches?

level 2

At the slightest noise I just yell BUSY! Works every time. Just saying.

level 2

Loud and subtle?

level 3
3 points · 1 month ago

'subtle'

level 4

"SUBTLE!!!" ?

level 5
2 points · 29 days ago

Now you get it.

level 1
1.7k points · 1 month ago

What the fuck is it with this? I literally just got home from the pub, needed a shit and the cubicle had no lock so I was sat there holding it back like fucking Hodor. Is it not clear at that point THAT YOU JUST WAIT?

level 2

Wait, you pooped at a pub?

How did you not slip off the toilet with all the piss on it.

level 3
475 points · 1 month ago

Last time I spent more than 1 minute in a NYC bar bathroom, I immediately heard outside "Jeeze, cmon who shits at a bar."

If I'm at a really unpopulated low key place at a late hour and someone jiggles the door too much and knocks I sometimes go for the "WHAT DOES A LOCKED DOOR MEAN WHERE YOURE FROM."

level 4

Means your doing coke and I want some?

level 5

Lmao that made me laugh but taking a big ass whiff next to someone pooping no matter how numb ur nose is there is poop in your nose now

level 6
57 points · 1 month ago · edited 1 month ago

Never done coke and probably wouldn't do it in a bathroom, but could you imagine someone busting ass and you are fucking sniffing hard as fuck?

edit - just realized this is what you said... but I ment how creeped out the guy busting ass would feel.

level 7

Just imagine hearing someone sniffing real fucking loud while you're taking a shit

level 8
40 points · 1 month ago

Followed by gagging sounds

level 9

And that's why you don't sniff coke like you're trying to blast it out the other end.

level 8

I feel uncomfortable,

level 9

Bob made it worse

level 7

First time I ever did coke in a bathroom, it was at an Odd Future show, I was 18, and the two young-ass kids in both stalls on either side of me were also sniffing blow (or some other drug). It was surreal.

I’m glad I don’t do that shit anymore.

level 8

I assume this was around 2012 if you where at a odd future show

level 9
6 points · 1 month ago · edited 29 days ago

October of 2011.

Edit: I’ve never gotten 5 upvotes on such a boring, factual comment before. Am I being karma-rewarded for being such a longtime OF fan? If so y’all are dorks but I love you

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level 5
50 points · 1 month ago

I'm not sharing my coke with a stranger...unless I have a lot of coke and I'm already really high.

level 5
[deleted]
13 points · 1 month ago

Oh god help me the motherfuckers who crowd into a single occupancy bathroom at a dive bar to do blow, while hanging out for 10 min plus while the line just grows...

level 6
31 points · 1 month ago

the line just grows...

Ayy

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level 3
247 points · 1 month ago

I legit gave up (quite quickly) and decided to hold it a bit. There was no toilet roll, only a stack of thin napkins or something, and it was busy with people queuing outside. 1/10 would poo at home next time again.

level 4

You're a brave man for even thinking about it. I have yet to poo at my new workplace. If I cant hold it I go home and do it.

level 5

Find the secret bathroom

level 6

I love the fact those always exist. In my first two weeks I make sure to know where it is. It's always a 1 person unisex bathroom near a room that is used for storage(even if the room wasn't meant for storage):

level 5

A poo on the company dime is the sweetest poo of all! I understand being hesitant, but you are doing yourself a disservice.

Be brave, poo at work.

level 6

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime - that's why I poop on company time

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level 5

I usually poop twice every work shift. Of course, I usually do like four times a day, so it's bound to happen.

level 6

Yo same man no colon life

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level 6

I’m curious. Why’s that? Some health issue, shitting on company time, or do you just really like fiber in your diet?

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level 5

Shitbreak 2018

level 4

I bought a bidet for my home toilet. It's kind of a curse because now I'm unable to use a toilet anywhere else but my house, otherwise I feel like a primate.

level 5

Reddit 105: No poop-related post/comment thread is complete without someone mentioning how a bidet changed their life.

(I said 105, coz it’s not basic 101 like “This” and “Came here to say this.” but it’s what any serious Reddit person should know, much like most 105 courses that build on 101.)

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level 5

Preach, brother. Those who have ridden the starfish blaster will never be satisfied with less again.

level 3

Just thinking about it gave me hepatitis.

level 3

No, he took a shit at the pub.

level 3

how many crabs did you catch?

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level 3

One of my favorite dives in town has the sketchiest bathroom ever. Luckily there's a Jimmy John's right next door you can get to through the beer garden, so I just tend to go make my pub poops there.

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level 2

I had to do this once. I was at school trip that lasted a week or so. We had unisex toilets.

When I was doing my business one girl tried to open door. After I refused to release door handle and telling her it's occupied she went away. Minute later i feel really strong pull on that door, well Janitor is a lot stronger than little girl. They both waited for at least 10 seconds before closing door.

Thanks mr. Janitor and deaf girl for making me paranoid about any toilet other than one in my home.

level 2

You killed me with the Hodor reference. LMFAO

level 2

I mean he was probably just really drunk

level 2

Pinch it off and get out!

level 2

Doors get stuck, especially in the bathroom.

level 2

“Who’s in there?! I reeeaaalllyy need to take more cocaine!”

level 2

What you have to do is poop just 1-2 turds. Enough to relive the tension in your asshole, but quick enough to be almost as fast as taking a long piss.

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level 1

"I don't think there's enough room in here for both of us. I mean, we can try, but you'll have to crawl under the door."

level 2

person proceeds to crawl under door

level 3

Its a pretty tight fit in here, mind if i stand on your shoulders?

level 4

Reversed sit on shoulders with dick in face. 10/10 working

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level 3

"Oh, sorry." Crawls back out

level 1
811 points · 1 month ago

My favorite is the guy that tries the handle, finds it locked, and then knocks. Like, wtf outcome are you expecting? “Oh here, c’mon in?”

level 2

I actually 100% of the time say come in when people try to come in before knocking. That and if they try opening the door and never knock, I knock on the door before coming out.

level 2

I think the best counter is to just unlock it and show them you’re in there and in fact going to the bathroom.

level 3

Give them the goat

level 2

Counterpoint, I've done this before and it turned out some loser had locked the stall then crawled out, I would've been waiting for a long time before realizing if I hadn't knocked

level 3
134 points · 1 month ago

What did you do about it then, though? I’m not gonna crawl on a public restroom floor for a locked stall

level 4

I mean I hopped it because I'm decently tall and the room had a high ceiling, but if you're not willing to do that (which is fair) I would inform an employee

level 5

But then he’d have to crawl under the door.

level 6

Their problem

level 7

That's what plastic garbage bags are for. I was a busser and I never failed in my duties to serve our guests.

level 6

You can lock/unlock some of these mechanisms if they have a groove on the outside. You then put something small in, like a penny, and turn it around so it locks from the inside

Source: I was a shitty teenager and my friends and I used to do this all the time at the toilets in our high school

level 6
20 points · 1 month ago

Yeah but they're getting paid to do it. And that's coming from someone who works in a restaraunt/bar.

level 7

Yeah exactly like it has to get done by someone eventually

level 6

LPT: As an employee, just use a broom. Reach over with the broom and use it to push the latch to open it. Takes a couple tries to get used to it but a lot more pleasant than getting your pants dirty.

edit: Not sure if it's easy with a normal sized broom, but if you have one of those short 3 foot commercial brooms, it should be easy.

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level 5
11 points · 1 month ago

Wtf, how short was the door that you could just hop over it?

level 6

And if you can hop over it you can definitely see over it. You could shit over it even

level 5
5 points · 1 month ago

How badly did you need the toilet that you hopped the fucking stall?

level 6

It was a road trip, need I say more

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level 3

If it's locked, just stare through the small opening just to be sure

level 4

pls no

level 5

┬┴┬┴┤(・_├┬┴┬┴

level 6
15 points · 1 month ago

Fucking awesome

level 7
13 points · 1 month ago

Make eye contact, show dominance

level 8
8 points · 1 month ago · edited 1 month ago

I was in the field at Fort Dix, NJ and I was using a port-a-john. A female soldier pulled on the door and the lock was pretty battered so the door swung open. I just maintained eye contact and smiled at her. She turned beet red.

I wasn't going to let it be awkward for me ;)

level 9

Fort Dix

How fitting

level 6

Ahhh, I miss taking shits at Medieval Times

level 6

-fuck-off-loser-

level 4

Lmao the eye contact makes me go from an outty to an Inny so fast I get an impacted bowl

level 3

Kids do this all the time at the rink I work at. They think I have to crawl on the floor every time like nah bitch I’ve done this 25 times I just swipe the lock with the broom. I feel SOOOO KOOL everytime.

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level 2
7 points · 1 month ago

I'm taking a shit motherfucker, I dont fucking want to talk.

level 2

To let people know someone is waiting, sure, it likely won't help much, but people may be on their phone or something, and could hurry up faster.

level 3

As a time waster I agree. I could reduce my poops to a mere couple of minutes if I realized someone was waiting.

level 2

Well it could be a bathroom that needs a key, so it would be nice to know if its occupied or if I need to find the key instead of standing there like a goon.

level 3

Or the door could just be jammed and needs a bit of a push.

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level 1
[deleted]
91 points · 1 month ago

Omg. IF THE DOOR IS SHUT SOMEONE IS IN THERE!!

Stop with the knocking. I’ve been in here for 15 seconds. The door is shut and locked. Why are you knocking?!

I’m so tempted to open the door pants askew and ask: “Oh hello, want to join me for a good piss and shit? C’mon in!”

level 2
9 points · 1 month ago

Would you like some tea with that?!

level 1

Using a stall at an outhouse type deal at a local park, with a plywood door and a hook and eye latch holding the plywood door shut. The stall next to mine was open - like the door was open open. Dude comes in and pulls at my door. No biggie, he'll move on... Nope. Superman pulled the latch right out of the plywood to open my stall door.

level 2

What did you do? Lmao

level 3
12 points · 1 month ago

He let him the fuck in of course. It’s god damn Superman.

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level 1

Just bang on it and if you do it hard enough it'll just open.

level 2
69 points · 1 month ago

I definitely had this happen once. Pooping in a mall, stall door latch was not so tight, in barges someone who just pops the door open like they never considered anyone may actually be currently using it. So I finished pooping with the door open.

level 3
32 points · 1 month ago

On a similar but just different enough note, my grade 9 dumb ass kicked in the door on a stall while my buddy was taking a shit. He was leaning over with his elbows on his knees and the door hit his leg and face simultaneously.

What followed was a pretty awkward few seconds where I wasn’t sure whether to help the guy or just apologize and leave. He was dazed enough that he looked rocked for sure, and so I’m like uhh the fuck is up, is dude ok? I think to myself that it’s probably not gonna look too great if somebody walks in on this so after I made sure he wasn’t knocked out I apologized profusely and got out of dodge.

Have emceed several weddings with this cat since, and it always seems to pop up. Glad he took it well lol.

Edit: A word.

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level 2

ur mum didn’t open

level 3

That's cause your mom was tongue deep in her fart box.

Think of the children (you).

level 1

I did a wild wing challenge last night so I was shitting hot lava all day. Kids had rugby tournament today with one toilet and one urinal for 500 people. I was handling my business and the guy wanted to talk to me about when I thought I’d be done. He shit in the urinal.

level 2
Comment deleted1 month ago
level 3

Who put a chocolate hot dog in the urinal mmmkay

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level 3

Reminds me of a mentally retarded kid I knew in 4th grade. He ate crayons and shit in the urinals. Poor guy. I hope he turned out better than he was in 4th grade.

level 2

I have a new role model

level 2

What did you tell him when he asked you that? And could you hear him shitting in the urinal? Or was it a nice surprise when you got out. Did he ask for some TP?

level 2

He did a "hot ray"

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level 1

Once I was in a bathroom evacuating my bowels. It was one of those "1 urinal, 1 stall" bathrooms with a normal light switch. When I just finished and reached for the toliet paper, someone who was exiting turned off the light and I had to do sort of a "walk of shame" out of the stall and to the door, where the light switch was.

level 2

That's so cruel only thing worse would be to time it kick the door open and u see doing the Helen Keller wot trousers down

level 2

Probably a good think you didn't just wait for the next person to come and turn on the light. Would have given the person a minor heart attack thanking them.

level 2

CRAB WALK. CRAB WALK.

Typically I make zoidberg sounds as I waddle across the room to retrieve toilet paper from under the sink.

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level 1
28 points · 1 month ago

I had someone do karatee kicks to the stall door while I was inside once. Like jumping up & kicking the door, then backing up and kicking it again over and over. It was a three stall bathroom and I'm pretty sure it was just the two of us in the bathroom. It was unsettling to say the least.

level 2

If someone did this to me, I would stop mid shit and exit the stall to kick the living shit out of them

level 1

As IBS sufferer I frequently fantasize about hurting these people. Especially when you shout and they keep trying. Like the tide of diorhea is gonna go "sure Karen ill just wrap this up so you can do your lipstick hun".

level 2

I always tell myself to keep one leg ready to kick the door back if they manage to open it but usually I just settle for being ready to do it. Which is better anyway.

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level 1
25 points · 1 month ago

I was in one of the stalls that had gaps on either side of the door so you can tell if someone’s in there and some guy walks into the bathroom and I start making a whistling noise just so he knows for a fact I’m in there. He walks right up to my stall and I can see him through the cracks reach for the handle and he yanks on it a couple times. And I say “someone’s in here, one minute” and I hear him go “huh?” And fucking gets on his tippy toes and looks over the stall door down on me taking a shit. Like what the feck were you expecting? I’d be in here finishing up a game of checkers?

level 2

Wanted to catch you fapping

level 3
10 points · 1 month ago

Even then, look through the cracks in the side of the door buddy, don’t watch over me like my guardian angel

level 1

Well if the objective is to give the person inside anxiety then it's not really a shitty tip.

level 2

r/unethicallifeprotips

e: spelled sub wrong

level 1

open door continue shitting maintain eye contact

level 1

I took a giant shit, like a giant hungover shit in the single stall gordmans bathroom. There is another bathroom with 3 stalls right next to it. So this giant shit which is pretty squishy and VERY smelly clogs the toilet. And by my 3rd try at flushing while freaking out that it looked like it would overflow, some bint had tried the door FIVE TIMES. I didn’t want it to overflow and I was tired of messing with it with this impatient person being so rude. So I left the bathroom. I said “excuse me” politely when I walked by her and I walked directly out of the store. She deserved it.

level 2
[deleted]
14 points · 1 month ago

This is the most British thing I’ve ever read. ❤️

level 1
16 points · 1 month ago

And, hey... Fuck you. Do a fucking shoe check and have at least 1% of fucking awareness.

level 1
14 points · 1 month ago

I usually end up sounding like a carnival barker "someone's in here! Someone's in here!"

level 1

Life pro tip, don't lock the door that way the person can actually see that it's occupied.

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level 1

It’s all good until someone yells “how long are you gonna be dude”

level 2

About ten inches but the viagra hasn’t kicked in.

level 1

Yeah I work at SBUX and we have a bathroom that doesnt need a code and at least once a week I have someone ask "is there a code?" And I say "no if it is locked it is occupied" and I then watch them walk over, throttle the door like crazy, walk over to me and say "hey the bathrooms locked!"......like yeah dude, its occupied.

level 2

Yeah but what’s the code

level 1

SLPT: Get yourself thrown in jail for a few months and never be embarrassed to use the bathroom in front of anyone ever again

level 1

I've had quite a few kids do this to me when I am trying to shit at work. Like motherfucker, the door is fucking locked! Why don't you try 50 more fucking times? Fucking assholes.

I don't get anxiety though. I just get mad at their parents for not teaching them any fucking manners.

level 1

I don't even give a fuck anymore. Come inside, watch me shit.

level 1

Was taking a leak at a grand opening a week ago and had the door locked to the restroom. Guy tried to open, then tries again and I say “hey I am in here.” It seems like he walks away and I am zipping up, well he decides to pull the sliding door as hard as possible and rip the nails will al the trim out of the wall. To which I respond “the fuck do you think you are doing?” He realizes he fucked up and someone was in the restroom so we leaves the door open and stand to the side of the door like he didn’t do it. Fucking grown ass man didn’t know to just wait.

level 1
4 points · 1 month ago · edited 23 days ago

I was in the loo of a nightclub once and on that particular night had chosen to wear a playsuit. For those of you unfamiliar with the significance of this, a playsuit is an all-in-one piece of clothing, so to go to the toilet you have to essentially strip. This meant that I was sitting there in my bra with the rest of the outfit around my ankles. Someone tried the door, so I said (loudly) 'someone in here!' They then proceeded to KICK THE DOOR IN and then responded in a very shocked and appalled manner when they realised that not only was I sitting on the toilet, I was also practically naked. Got pretty drunk after that to try and repress the memory Edit: spelling

level 1

person who does this: what do you mean "the person using it"? no one in the universe exists but me now why won't the door to this obviously empty stall open?!

level 1

I once was on a roadtrip and had to take a huge dump at a gasstation. It was very busy so after waiting for a while i finally got into a stall. After like five minutes when i was in mid dump some babyboomers that were in line behind me started complaining i took too long and started knocking on the door and pulling the handle. It was infuriating.

level 1

As someone with Crohn's disease, i have shat more in the past four years than most people will in 2 decades.

I now live my life by 2 rules:

  1. Never trust a fart.

  2. Always knock on a bathroom door before entering.

level 1

I like to bring a thermos of shit from home

then, while at work, or the pub, or a public toilet, I bang on the door screaming "ooh my god open up!!!"

then I dump the contents of the thermos on the floor sliding them into the stall.

and I say "oh, never mind...."

and I leave..

level 2

Well, here I fucking go, I'm leaving this planet. Niggas be crazy as shit.

level 2

..... u got a poop fetish d ont you

level 2

No

level 2

User name makes me suspicious.

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level 1

Repost. You’ve reposted multiple things. I don’t like you

level 2

I've been on Reddit literally every day for a couple years, and I don't see anywhere near all these reposts people are always bitching about. Do you regularly sort by new? I feel like that might be the culprit.

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level 1

Hate when people do that. I always knock first then wait one Planck time before aggressively trying to open it.

level 1

I took my buddy to Toys R Us before they closed because he'd never been before. He had to pee and asked how the bathrooms were. Idk but I told him probably bad because there's a shit ton of kids running around. Oh well, how bad can the urinal be right?

He comes back a few minutes later and asks why the fuck I ran off. Wut? The bathroom was a single person one so you had to lock the door okay, but there's a sign that says the handle is broken so use this chain fastened to the wall along with a lock and key. Wtf no wonder this place was closing.

But the kicker is, he said as soon as he closed the door and locked it someone started shaking the ever living fuck out of it. He told me to fuck off several times but I hadn't followed him to the bathroom and was looking at Legos. I didn't see anyone go that way either. Employee being a giant fuck? Who knows. He still blames me.

level 1

I'm jack's clenched anus.

level 1
3 points · 1 month ago

From what I gather from this thread either Americans can't read, or they don't have occupied on their toilet doors which are standard everywhere.

Could go either way.

level 1

This makes me think of elementary school when all us kids would use the bathroom if we were in the after school program, lock the doors, and crawl out from under the stall.

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level 1

I work at a small restaurant with a one room restroom for all. People walk to it. Jiggle for a second. Then come to someone behind the bar "the bathroom is locked"

That's because someone is in there

level 1

I’ve never understood what they’re planning to do once they get in! Push me off the toilet? Poop on my lap?

level 1

We have summer interns at my job, and this is literally the only way they know how to determine if a stall is occupied. Seeing feet underneath, or a person sitting on the toilet through the crack of the door, isn't enough. I think for them, it's like Shroedinger's Shitter; the stall is both occupied and unoccupied, and the only way to tell is to open the door.

level 1
3 points · 1 month ago

Oh and make sure you peer through the enormous and unnecessary gap between then stall panels until you make direct eye contact.

level 1

I was using the bathroom at Macy's. Had 6 locking stalls and I was in one of them. I hear two teen girls walk in. They start loudly speculating if someone was in one the stalls for like several minutes. Why don't they just try one of the handles or knock? Then I hear one of them say "just check under the stall". Next thing I know this girl's head is completely under my stall door, hair dragging on the dirty floor and looking right up at my face. She says "Ya someone's in there", and they left.

level 1
2 points · 1 month ago

They should feel grateful that your helping them get it all out

level 1

To scare the shit out of them, right?

level 1

My siblings do this at my house. Whyyyyyyy

level 1

I was wearing a romper today, which basically requires you to take the fucking thing off to go to the bathroom. If I was using the bathroom, and had to remove it and this happen I think I'd just have a heart attack and die.

level 1

I always hollar "COME IN!!"

level 1

Also, don't forget to tell the person using it to hurry up and shame them for taking "too long", as if no one has ever had a really terrible shit.

level 1
2 points · 1 month ago

Because, I don’t know, maybe if you try a third time it will be unlocked?

level 1

"There's someone in here" (British accent)

level 1

I once walked up to a door at a brewery and tried the handle and found it locked, 5 seconds later a very angry mother exited with her 5 year old exclaiming I could go first since I obviously couldn't wait long enough for her son to go to the bathroom.

My best guess is that I was the second or third person to try the door. I just said thank you and went in. She was cutting her eyes at me from across the room for hours.

level 1

My responses are either "Come in" or "Room for one more".

level 1

I particularly like it when, after confirming the 'OCCUPIED' message on the lock isn't lying to them and the door is actually locked by jiggling, they then start knocking and going "Come on, hurry up".

Well, you're going to have to wait some more, I do not rush having a shit. I'm not leaving with a turtle's head hanging out or a half-wiped arse.

level 1
2 points · 1 month ago

Oh god, I've done this.

Medical building, no stalls, just big metal doors. Lots of older folks walking around.

Go to the bathroom one day. Locked. Okay - no problem. Wait 15 minutes back at the office, head back to the bathroom. Still locked. A little weird, but okay. Go back to the office. Ten minutes later. Still locked. Start knocking. Ask if everything's okay. No answer. Keep knocking. No answer. Knock for a good minute, keep asking if everything's okay. No answer. About to run off to find maintenance - all of a sudden, I hear a very angry voice from inside rise.

I'm taking a shit, dude!

level 1

This is a repost

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