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47.2k

Someone lock this man back up

871 comments
91% Upvoted
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3.0k points·3 months agoGilded1

This kid uses echolocation to find out where his momma hid the cookies.

That's the best roast I've ever seen and we're not even on r/roastme

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[deleted]
97 points·3 months ago·edited 3 months ago

Don't talk shit man, with a forehead like that he obviously has super powers. He's probably reading people's minds right now. Xavier is going to roll up and tell you to stop talking shit about his protege.

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lol stop

[deleted]
51 points·3 months ago

no

u

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Bro just ruined this kids whole week with that hairline.

He asked for LeBron

That ain't make no sense2.4k points·3 months ago

i didn't know OJ played basketball too.... damn.

307 points·3 months ago·edited 3 months ago

Really you didn't know? OJ is a very talented athlete. When he puts his mind to something, he kills it.

He’s pretty spry, can still cut and run with the best of them.

The Juice is loose

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Gave me a nice belly laugh. Take your upvote.

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Gotta be aero in the front

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I feel like a fucking idiot.. but is that real?

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You are all looking at it the wrong way

https://imgur.com/gallery/quFDw

Is that the bat symbol?

No, it's a bad haircut.

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A cut like that could def ruin the rest of elementary school right there lol. God forbid this is for picture day. Gg little man.

244 points·3 months ago

Elementary he could still stand a chance. Middle school though? Definitely screwed.

Where I live many schools run kindergarten to Grade/Year 8.

Didn't even know that was a thing, seems kinda like too big of an age gap to be clumping kids together in doesn't it? They do the elementaries from kindergarten to 6 in the schools where I grew up at, used to be kindergarten to 5 when I went.

Pretty common in Canada. Small neighborhood schools that go K-8, with about two classes per grade. Personally, I think it's better than giant elementary schools and giant middle schools. My school (K-8) had maybe 425 kids in it. There are elementary and middle schools where I live now (Carolinas) that have 750+ kids in them. That's crazy to me.

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Mine was k - 12. The k was next door though. Still same school but we had 6-12 coexist.

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Comment deleted3 months ago(3 children)

Lando’s a badass nickname, though. Much better than “high five”.

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It'd be really easy for his dad to just shave it off, no? Slap on some shaving cream and just go to town.

Better than this.

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In my mind I'm choosing to believe that kid came in with that 40 year olds hairline. It prolly ain't true, but it makes it more wholesome and uplifting to pretend that he did the best anyone could do with that kids big ass forhead. Maybe it's a miracle he made it look that good at all, idk. But I choose to believe dammit.

But in a more realistic world, he ruined that kids next month of school 100%.

As much as id love to be as optimistic, you can see where the kids hairline was prior to the haircut

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🦑 skoochy gang 🦑80 points·3 months ago

The hairline looks like a sandwich you just took a couple bites of

Whole week? His life is ruined. Kids will never forget 😂

I know absolutely nothing about black peoples hair but even I can tell this is an awful mistake.

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[deleted]
12 points·3 months ago

You're just showing your age, man. All the cool Gen Alpha kids are pushing their hairline back. I bet you have bangs, fool.

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Everyone is so focused on his forehead they don't notice the hair near his ears. My Lord have mercy on this child. That barber straight up gave that boy a hair cut two sizes too small.

I admit, I didn't even notice the rest. This is absolutely terrible. I hope somebody just finished the job and shaved that kid's head.

That barber should be thrown in jail

They don't want him back

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At this point he better just shave it and act like this never happened.

"ONE PIECE WILL NEVER END 😭😭"339 points·3 months ago

When I was in third grade my mom thought she’d save some money and cut my hair herself. Too bad she has the steadiness of a giraffe holding clippers covered in oil in the middle of an earthquake and the haircut ended up being uneven af, and she also accidentally cut a patch in my head.

So she grabbed a razor and just shaved my head completely bald to remedy it. My eight year old ass was mortified going to school the next day. My teacher let me wear my hood for a week or so while it grew back. Shouts to Ms Jones. lmao

My mom went to jail for a month and I was supposed to have a haircut. My sister stepped up to do the job!

. . . Fucked the whole thing up. Ended up just shaving it. 12 year old me also mortified.

Had braids in highschool, for punishment my mom cut it bald. At the age of 14, I was also mortified.

that's messed up!

I would've made you wear butterflies in them.

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When i was 13 i spiked my younger brothers sprite with a metric fuckton of hotsauce. He drank it and it was so hot he got sick and threw up. My dads idea for a punishment was to give me a bowl cut and used a bic so i was completely bald below the bowl. I wouldve rathered my head shaved completely than that nightmare.

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"ONE PIECE WILL NEVER END 😭😭"7 points·3 months ago

Damn. I would die if it happened to me when I was 12. Middle schoolers are mean af 😂

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I remember when my mom used to cut my hair. Shit was looking like aztec pottery

Classic high and tight.

Classic highest and tightest.

Look like an upside down Batman

Holy shit, you’re right!

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Just like my jeans.

Hey mommy

Thanks jeans.

BIKES

That lil homie will definitely be scared straight to go back to this motherfucker.

You wanna fuck me, piss on me, beat me? Try it out.

i'll give you a lease and a key but you gotta fuck me

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Try it out.

Machines within!

TERMINATORS MATRIX

piss on me beat me, try it out

Try it out

Fuck! You guys were doing good!

DIRTY BITCH

Hey Hitler

That accidentally got put in the dryer..

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looks like he popped the hair off some other kid and then stuck it on this one like mr potato head

I read this probably 10 times in a row and I can't stop laughing. Thanks for that

Had to get those bat ears just right

https://imgur.com/gallery/quFDw

Dude's hair looks like a yarmulke

Props for spelling yarmulke right. An impossible word to spell by sounding out.

That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about my spelling

That was a nice exchange.

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two sizes too small.

Can't unsee, am snort laughing at work thx

That's a haircut you give to a balding man who's trying to save some dignity.

There ain't no hair near that poor boy's ear

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20.6k points·3 months ago

Pushed his hairline back like an album release date.

frank ocean'd it to hell

Hairline look'n like Detox

Gave him the Lebron

403 points·3 months ago

Nah that's the Stephen A Smith right there.

Beat me to it lmao

You have a weird fetish

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Ear line looking like Carter 5...

R/rupaulsdragrace leaking

That's a Dr. Dre album reference, not a Detox Icunt reference, I believe.

I'm a little dumbfounded that a user on r/blackpeopletwitter saw 'detox' and thought of drag queens instead of Dr. Dre...

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“I got the album I still ain’t droppin that shit”

That's gonna be a thing for me now.

"You're late, you said half six man"

"I Frank Ocean'd that shit."

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Lil Wayne that #sorryforthewait

6 head, 7 head, 8 head, bunch!

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Jay-Z IRL804 points·3 months agoGilded1

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lol

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Comment deleted3 months ago(2 children)

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this gotta be photoshopped cause holy forehead

It's shopped, thank God

Barber shopped, yes. That’s why we’re here.

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You have the original?

Proof?

The Lebron James special

say no more fam

Except Lebron got himself some implants! Some superstars just shave their heads. Some realize they can afford a hair line.

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Man is not responsible for the shape of that child’s head.

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Dude I laughed right in the middle of an in-class reading at these filthy words so thank you!

"Detox my fade"

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So White™ he thinks Taylor Swift is thicc 🤢4.2k points·3 months ago·edited 3 months ago

I'd lock him back up for child endangerment; that kid won't last a day on the playground with that hairline.

🦑 skoochy gang 🦑798 points·3 months ago

Elementary school kids don't fuck around man

So White™ he thinks Taylor Swift is thicc 🤢576 points·3 months ago

Red Rover, Red Rover, Send that Deadass Do Over.

I may be dead, but you're still it.

Yeah well you lost the game.

fuck.

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30 points·3 months ago·edited 3 months ago

Depends. If he's the popular kid then the next day all the boys will be begging their moms for the same thing. Looking retarded has never stopped fashion trends before. Soon we may see little gangs of kids roving the malls with these haircuts, and if you tell them they look terrible they'll just call you old fashioned.

True that. I used to wear Jncos and Pukka shell necklaces.

WTF little me?

Reminds me of those ridiculous ass JNCO jeans when I was in 4th and 5th grade. One kid who was considered cool came into school one day wearing the baggiest jean shorts I've ever seen that came 3/4 of the way down his calves. Then all the kids started wanting them.

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This kid ain’t no stranger to the recess bully press. You see the size of that forehead? Dome so big it could host the Olympics.

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Can you cut my hair so that my head looks massive?

"gimme the megamind cut"

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how'd he survive lockup giving cuts like that?

By saying "don't make me cut your hair"

[deleted]
103 points·3 months ago

Probably, nothing worse than being made fun for a bad haircut for at least a week and I'd imagine it'd be even worse in prison

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They had to evict him from prison, they realized no cell is safe enough. His victims were too angry, and they had nothing to lose.

I guess everyone thought they were getting their hair cut by Anthony Anderson

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The barber's finger and the kids forehead both pointing the same direction

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please tell me his hairline was just pushed back and he doesnt really have a 9 head

Maybe he has a 9 head and this hero barber, in an act of selfless reputational sacrifice, decided it’d be better for the boy to be clowned for getting a “terrible haircut” instead of his horizontal cone head.

Look at the hairline around his ear. Barber fucked his shit up.

I honestly think he kept fucking up the line up in the front.Then kept pushing it back until he got it straight. Which happens to be in the middle of this kids head.

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ISSA Kneegrow1.6k points·3 months ago

lil man must of said “I want to look like lebron James” Damn that’s like a 2 week roasting session when I was a kid. Hope lil man got hands cause he gone be fighting !

No worries he just has to get a headband

Holy shit you just reminded me LeBron has been pro for 15 years

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Honestly i'd say fuck it and go bald.

must have

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Holy crap. I don’t want to be rude to a young kid, but the only thing I can think is beantown.

Modern day Oscar Wilde 👴🏼📕📝✒️192 points·3 months ago

I mean, it's more an insult to the barber than the child. You know this lil man didnt choose this haircut.

If he did, he deserves every roasting he will receive on the playground.

You know this lil man didnt choose this haircut.

Don't spend much time on r/kidsarefuckingstupid, do ya?

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The kid looks like the offspring of Megamind and Kyle Anderson

I once got an amazing haircut in jail. Ten bucks. He offered a fade, but I'm white and said no. Then a different white guy said yes to the fade and it looked really fucking good. Oh well. Life is about regrets.

Fades are nice man. Get that breeze, your hair feels all cool textures n shit. Definitely the way to go white or black.

I have stupid mole on the side of my dome, looks super prominent with a fade otherwise I'd have one.

Do they catch it when you get a cut? That sounds painful

No, thankfully it isn't raised it's just a really dark blotch on my otherwise pastey-white scalp.

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Being Jewish I realized that getting fades makes my life so much better. Can't control my hair otherwise.

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Lucky he didn't say "Well here's one for free!" 👊 and swung. 😅

"are you tryna catch a fade bro?"

"I sure am! How much will it be"

Gets out of jail. Immediately commits murder.

396 points·3 months ago·edited 3 months ago

r/justfuckmyshitup is much better

One of my favorite subs.

The sad thing is, as a balding man, I will often see haircuts where the title is “give me that bald 50 yo cut”

And I realize - hey, that’s my haircut. I don’t have any other choice.

And I’m 30...

Thats okay. I am currently rocking a terrible haircut (went to a fucking sportsclipz for convienence... Never again) and am expecting to show up on this sub any day now

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Going back as many generations as we have photographs of, there are no bald men in my family...except my mother's father. The man I look exactly like.

I'm waiting...

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Down the rabbit hole I go...

This man is a threat to society!

I haven't laughed the way I did just now in years. It was one of those laughs where you just start crying and your stomach hurts but you can't stop. Thanks OP

I’m with you on that. I feel so fucking bad for the kid but damn man my sides. This is going to be one of those time when I think to this picture and just start crying for laughing no matter where I’m at.

that has to be photoshopped lol

It is shopped. Still funny tho.

I'm not doubting you, but I'm genuinely curious how you can tell.

Cuz they're in a barber shop

Lol god damnit I'm an idiot.

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He sent lil homies hairline to the moon.

[deleted]
28 points·3 months ago

Man at that point just shave your head and cut your losses.

especially when the rest of your hair is that short anyways. It will be back to normal in 2 weeks.

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Spat out my coffee. 5 fucking centimetres! Is he mad?

This is pure gold. 😂

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Send that man back to jail

Brotha served 2 days of hard time for unpaid parking tickets.

Comment deleted3 months ago(1 child)

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22 points·3 months ago

What was he in prison for? Barbering without a licence? Grievous barberly harm?

He violated his parole and that boy's head.

That kid has a 100 head

Look how proud he is. :)

He pushed that kids hairline back so far I can see what that kids thinking

Gave him the Lebron

Shopped as hell

Fuck. I was like, "Who let this kid's picture be online?! Where are the parents?!" Fucking hell if you're this kid and people laugh at you all day.

Now that I know it's photoshopped, I can go back to laughing at the new Aliens movie poster.

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17 points·3 months ago·edited 3 months ago

Kiddo’s hair looks like a Jewish yarmulke*

Got it. 🤘

Yarmulke:)

At first I didn't scroll down and I only read the caption and I was thinking this is wholesome af.

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And that's how little Jimmy became a hat person.

Comment deleted3 months ago(3 children)

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"Listen. This man is a very very dear friend of mine. He and I go way back. This man and I talk on the phone deep into the morning hours. He is the godfather of my children. I love him like a brother.

Having said all of that... the temerity, the unmitigated GAULLLLL.... to give this kid this type of haircut is something that I am very very troubled by."

Kept messing up so he had to push that shit back

Hairline go way back like old friends

Not today Anthony Anderson not today!

Clearly photoshopped

Wait, what? You need a license to cut hair? Guess mom was a hardcore criminal my whole childhood and I had no idea.

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I instinctively touched my hair. Feel sorry for the little guy.

Raised his IQ 150+ points

Reminds me of a haircut my friend got on base. Dude was clearly a little slow, friend just wanted a zero fade to a 1 on top, pretty simple with how short it was. He basically just put a straight line across his head, like he took "zero fade" literally, because there was not a single semblance of a fade. Friend had the angriest face the entire time while I was holding back my laughter.

Friend still gave him a tip at the end, so American.

Going straight back to jail for child abuse with that cut smh

This kids forehead is bigger than my future.

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