top 200 commentsshow all 485

[–]EverythingIsNeitzche 491 points492 points  (38 children)

I watched his most recent movie as a goof because AV Club said it was so bad, and at the time my reaction was, "oh, so he totally just made this movie so he could have sex scenes with this actress..."

Checks out.

[–]StylzL33T 99 points100 points  (7 children)

I feel like most of his more recent films he has a contract where he doesn't have to get off the couch, so they just green screen everything around him.

[–]SeenSoFar 27 points28 points  (6 children)

Someone in his AMA said he knew people who worked with him and that was 100% true.

[–]hotchnuts 1052 points1053 points  (39 children)

"He told me how important it was to have chemistry off-screen as he sat me down and unzipped his leather pants," 

Sounds about right for Seagal. He does enjoy a comfortable pair of leather slacks.

[–]meta_perspective 256 points257 points  (33 children)

I can't imagine how sweaty those are ewww

[–]UpVoteAllTehThings 323 points324 points  (21 children)

It really seals in the flavor.

[–][deleted] 80 points81 points  (14 children)

Tastes like fake soy sauce.

[–]calicosculpin 24 points25 points  (0 children)

a chunky bolognese, if he is pretending to be Italian this week.

[–]HerNameWasMystery22 9 points10 points  (10 children)

Soy sauce is the fake sauce. Tamari is the good shite.

[–]SUBHUMAN_RESOURCES 5 points6 points  (7 children)

Wait, what is this? I love soy sauce and use it both to cook with and just as a dressing. What is this superior sauce

[–]mojavespider25 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Sounds like a more flavorful and nuanced soy sauce with no gluten. Pretty interesting. I’d never heard of it but now I want to try it.


[–]HerNameWasMystery22 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is way better in my opinion. It’s like getting Dijon mustard over yellow is all I can compare it to.

[–]DeargUbel 10 points11 points  (0 children)

He fights crime in a leather suit.

[–]StylzL33T 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Like spicing a cast iron skillet. Only with sweat, dead skin and zits.

[–]Lord_Snow77 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just threw up in my mouth a little.

[–]Gimiesome 5 points6 points  (0 children)

NOt sweat but the moisture of love.

[–]InnovativeFarmer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That Friends episode when Ross wears the leather pants on a date. He starts to sweat. Goes to the bathroom to cool off. Cant get the pants back on.

[–]read4lyfe 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Huh always figure he was a faux leather kind of guy. Actually owning leather pants is the only thing that surprises me from this article.

[–]Sweatytubesock 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Also enjoys a comfortable leather circus tent as a jacket.

[–]StylzL33T 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wonder if he had his leather underwear on too.

[–]Amcal 579 points580 points  (73 children)

Now if they could charge him for some of his movies

[–]vonbrunk 259 points260 points  (54 children)

Back in the 2000s, one of my friends accidentally got mailed a Netflix DVD of one of Seagal's many direct-to-video B-movies -- titled "Today You Die." We tried watching it, and let's just say this: it was apparently a serious action movie, but was basically like one long unfunny MadTV sketch.

[–]Weiner_Dog_Weiner 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Please tell me they subbed Will Sasso as Seagal with some comically bad editing.

[–]I_Fuck_Mules__AMA 174 points175 points  (50 children)

long unfunny MadTV sketch

So basically, every MadTV sketch.

[–]OoohjeezRick 92 points93 points  (9 children)

How dare you ignore that Keegan Michael key got his sketch comedy start on madtv

[–]Tyrealle 50 points51 points  (6 children)

Wasn't Jordan Peele also on madtv?

[–]103617 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No quite his sketch comedy start.

By the time he was on Mad TV, he and performed for years between Detroit and Chicago as part of Second City, with many future and past Mad TV and SNL stars.

Although not of highest quality, it was still seen as a mid-career job for many already successful comedians and writers.

Hell, Andy Daly (@tvsandydaly) was on Mad TV and by the time was part of the Swarm, UCB's first Harold team (directed by Amy Poehler), probably the best Harold team of all time.

[–]IThinkNotThen 27 points28 points  (22 children)

9/10th of them. Nichole Sullivan had some funny characters.

[–]BrianFantanaFan 83 points84 points  (20 children)

Your dismissal of sasso would not be tolerated in civilised society

[–]Paul_teh_cat 89 points90 points  (4 children)

"HI! I'm Kenny Rogers and welcome to jack ass."

[–]FlintWaterFilter 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Nobody wins the milk challenge

[–]cursing_nearchildren 24 points25 points  (0 children)

"I was raised on the dairy, bitch!"

[–]EvenG 54 points55 points  (6 children)

...and Michael McDonald, Phil LaMarr, Alex Borstein and Brian Callen. Most of that first cast has serious comedic chops.

[–]Photonomicron 16 points17 points  (0 children)

That was before Phil LaMarr's amazing work as Every Low Voiced Male Cartoon Character.

[–]xfearbefore 17 points18 points  (3 children)

Don't forget Artie Lange. That man is a fuckin' legend.

MadTV actually had a lot of really great comedic talent, it was the writing that usually fell short. There's still some great sketches here and there but they relied WAY too much on one-note characters that were kind of funny once and then run into the ground every episode for five years (Stuart, Ms. Swan, etc).

[–]IThinkNotThen 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I accept your criticism with humility and shame. I will prepare for seppukku.

[–]triple_OG 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Sasso, Bobby Lee, Aries Speares, hell even Bryan Callen...some of the people from MADtv were funny at times.

[–]Spongy_and_Bruised 6 points7 points  (3 children)

When the Terminator goes back in time to save Jesus. Holy shit my sides.

[–]throwaway2358 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We live in a post sasso world

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

there were a few good ones. dont make me break my foot off in your ass

[–]DonaldsPizzaHaven 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ohh buddy. Them's fightin words.

[–]vagunowner94 29 points30 points  (6 children)

If you think MadTV was bad then please never watch SNL, you’ll claw your own eyeballs out

[–]Canadadr 23 points24 points  (5 children)

The good stuff was on In Living Color

[–]I-hate-Les-Moonves 18 points19 points  (2 children)

Fun fact: In Living Color was eventually re-branded as "House of Buggin'", then finally re-branded as MadTV.

[–]Canadadr 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Oh re-e-e-eallly. Didn’t know that

[–]middlehead_ 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It’s not really true, “rebrand” overstates the connections between the shows. In Living Color got cancelled for reasons, Fox figured they could replace the black sketch comedy show with a brown sketch comedy show and offered the slot to John Leguizamo, after barely 1 season they asked him to make the show less brown and he refused, they cancelled him and partnered with Mad magazine for Mad TV.

There was some shared staff along the way, but “rebrand” makes it sound like there was more carryover than there was.

[–]otra_gringa 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Miss Swan? Stuart??

[–]The_Mystery_Knight 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Is that yo’ boyfriend? He like Mike an’ Ike’s?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Do you fuck mules?

[–]triception 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Steven segauls life is a mad tv sketch

[–]Ahab_Ali 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Wrong jurisdiction. For that you would need to involve the ICC and The Hague.

[–]MaximusNerdius 8 points9 points  (12 children)

It was all downhill after Under Siege...

[–]xfearbefore 23 points24 points  (11 children)

Pretty much. I don't care what anyone says though, I will watch the fuck out of every Seagal movie from Above the Law (88) up to Under Siege (94), those are some super enjoyable action B-movies that any red blooded beer swillin' man should enjoy.

Honorable mention to Executive Decision as well. Everything after that can go fuck itself (although I did used to love Exit Wounds as a kid).

[–]macwblade1 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Those early 2000s DMX/Jet Li action movies were my shit. Wish he could have stayed clean and continued to make good music and movies

[–]FowelBallz[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Executive Decision remains my favorite Seagal flick. SPOILER ALERT -- I was totally blown away when "The Grimace" was dispatched so suddenly.

[–]protocol__droid 4 points5 points  (5 children)

Executive Decision

Minimal Seagal content though.

[–]xfearbefore 6 points7 points  (4 children)

Which is why I gave it the honorable mention, though they did advertise at the time like he was a main co-star which


made his death early in the film pretty shocking to audiences. Underrated little 90s action flick that one.

[–]protocol__droid 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Sneering line to Kurt Russell - "Who's going to deal with these terrorists, you?"
Minutes later Seagal is dead and Kurt is in the frame.

[–]xfearbefore 8 points9 points  (2 children)

That man didn't realize he was talking to Snake motherfuckin' Plissken AKA RJ fuckinmother' MacReady

[–]triple_OG 4 points5 points  (0 children)

you don't enjoy the kicky-punchy films?

[–]dolfanchris 160 points161 points  (9 children)

“I’ve been sexually harassing women for like 47 years”

[–]thosewintersundays 36 points37 points  (1 child)

came looking for the Tom reference. “yeah it’s called a skippy because of that noise, skipskipskip”

[–]I_Am_Not_Me_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"See the panicked way she runs away after? We call that a skippy"

[–]Shnoochieboochies 238 points239 points  (43 children)

Not Steven Segal he seemed like such a genuine, caring, gentleman /s.

[–]Romanopapa 68 points69 points  (39 children)

I know right?! I mean i wouldnt be surprised if Tom Hanks turns out to be a predator but not Steven Segal!

[–]EuropaStation 54 points55 points  (38 children)

No, don't say that. PLEASE.

[–]14sierra 45 points46 points  (35 children)

Seriously, I've already found out one of my favorite actors (Spacey) is a rapist and one of my favorite Comedians (C.K. louis) is a total perv. I don't want to lose respect for any more of my favorite entertainers. That being said I don't give a shit what happens to Segal.

[–][deleted] 34 points35 points  (4 children)

If I ever meet Keanu I'm gonna thank him for not sexually assaulting anyone

[–]ShamefulWatching 2 points3 points  (0 children)

child rapist wasn't it?

[–]Jazzspasm 8 points9 points  (2 children)


I mean, he’s even written a book and has it up on Amazon for sale. It’s one of those books that, y’know, really meks ya think.

You should check out who wrote the foreword. I guess they might be friends, and you know what they say about the company a person keeps..


[–]uncre8ive 4 points5 points  (1 child)

That...looks like 7 levels of terrible

[–]Beepboopbob1 68 points69 points  (6 children)

Ah yes, under siege 2 1995 - the last time Steven Seagal was relevant...

[–]westerosiwhore 58 points59 points  (4 children)

And when he grabbed 16 year old Katherine Heigl by the tits at a press event.

[–]KrackerJoe 21 points22 points  (6 children)

Hes been sexually harassing women for like 34 years

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (4 children)

While flying a helicopter. But he's been flying helicopters for 47 years.

[–]TheDuke45 34 points35 points  (7 children)

Isn’t this guy in Russia?

[–]_Nicktheinfamous_ 13 points14 points  (5 children)

This reminds me of his AMA gone horribly wrong.

[–]Kishara 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Oh god. And I thought I had seen all the really juicy AMA disasters.

Reading this ama is like watching rain that is actually little rat poop pellets.

[–]xfearbefore 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Holy shit I just checked his Wiki and the section on his lawsuits and sexual harassment allegations is nearly as long as his filmography.

[–]Hrmpfreally 128 points129 points  (96 children)

He’s always had an “I’m a huge piece of shit” air about him. I get that you’re incredibly proficient in martial arts, but that doesn’t entitle you to act like some fuckin’ holier than thou creepshow.

Always with the fucking Taichi/Wushu robes and walking around with his arms crossed while quietly speaking down to everyone he encounters— be a real fucking person!

Well, nevermind all that now. He’ll be properly ostracized. Fucking weirdo.

[–]-null 180 points181 points  (65 children)

incredibly proficient in martial arts

That's somewhat debatable.

[–]outerspacegrass 52 points53 points  (7 children)

[–]Shpongolese 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Wtf lmao

[–]chuxtabux 7 points8 points  (2 children)

To be fair his footwork isn't bad. He's also apparently a rapist, so fuck him to death.

[–]QuirkySpiceBush 34 points35 points  (2 children)

Well, famed old-school grappler "Judo Gene" LeBell most likely made Seagal shit himself in response to Seagal's on-set douchery.

[–]PM_ME_YOUR_CLIT_LADY 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Wow that link spawned a bunch of pop ups

[–]Lirdon 9 points10 points  (52 children)

Any details about this? I always thought he was pretty accomplished.

[–]-null 47 points48 points  (11 children)

Just my two cents as an MMA fan. His "incredibly martial arts" skills went to his head and he started hanging out with Anderson Silva (and maybe a few other stars IIRC). He was even claiming he taught Anderson Silva a new move. Seagal was taking it super seriously and pretty much everyone was laughing at him behind his back as being a joke.

[–]AboutNinthAccount 27 points28 points  (9 children)

It's his neck-snap move. You just snap the neck and they die. IT's really funny.

[–]ThisLookInfectedToYa 12 points13 points  (5 children)

just reminded me of that clip from a porn vid with the horribly choreographed unconvincing martial arts neck snaps that appears in a thread every so often.

[–]AboutNinthAccount 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I kinda meant the will sasso neck snap. :)

[–]shadytinh 5 points6 points  (2 children)

[–]14sierra 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Why is Silva (a legit martial arts badass) hanging around with an overweight washed up ass clown like Segal?

[–]shadytinh 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He isn't anymore, if anything it was just for publicity. They were constantly making fun of the fat ass behind his back.

[–]SVPPB 70 points71 points  (25 children)

He is "pretty accomplished" in aikido: a cult-like martial art with no real sparring. You never fight anyone, you just twist their arm and they're supposed to go along with it. There's no competitive element, only cooperative training where you take turns doing the techniques on each other.

As I always say: it has all the ego benefits of placing people in painful joint locks, without any of the drawbacks of them actually fighting back.

[–]hesh582 54 points55 points  (5 children)

a cult-like martial art

I really don't think that's fair to aikido at all.

It presents itself as a more spiritual, meditative martial art where the point is zen and disengagement more than ass kicking. But there's nothing "cult like" about it beyond having some "spiritual" elements.

The problem is Segal, not aikido. Aikido is deliberately and explicitly non-aggressive - it's non competitive because it's not meant to be. You're not trying to win, you're trying to do an unexpected joint lock or throw to get an attacker off of you so that you can run away.

Segal coming in with his bullshit macho "I'll snap your neck if you look at me wrong" attitude has very little to do with aikido as it is actually taught, and least in my experience.

[–]gigabyte898 12 points13 points  (4 children)

From what I’ve heard about Aikido it seems to be more of an issue with people who take it too seriously like “yeah well I know aikido dont fuck with me!” rather than it being an issue with the art itself.

[–]hesh582 11 points12 points  (3 children)

The unfortunate thing about it actually stems from something that I liked about it - the lack of real sparring.

I liked the "art" side of martial art - meditative fitness that teaches you some self defense. They focus on technique and it's a bit ritualistic. But there's no real stress test, you're never asked to really prove yourself in a fluid environment. You demonstrate mastery of technique to advance, not your ability to actually win.

I liked that because I don't... like fighting. Aikido is a great martial art for people who don't like fighting. That gets it scoffed at endlessly, which I don't think is fair at all to the core of the sport.

BUT... it gets scoffed at for a reason. Because there's no stress test, no proving yourself in a real sense, it's very easy for the "masters" to get incredibly cocky. Which is kind of the exact opposite of the point of the training style, and I think the single biggest problem with aikido right now.

Aikido doesn't mesh well with our current MMA focused martial arts culture. People get into martial arts hoping to end up like an MMA pro. The martial art may or may not help you with that. Aikido doesn't, really, but more importantly it makes it kind of hard for a blockedheaded practitioner to realize that it hasn't.

So you get a lot of unjustified arrogance from a few very vocal people, which has led to Aikido getting a pretty bad reputation as a "fake" martial art. But that really doesn't represent the majority of actual Aikido dojos and practitioners.

[–]Lirdon 8 points9 points  (18 children)

Hmmm. Never knew that about aikido. Makes sense though. I wonder how you get belts in that art if the only accomplishment you have is other people giving into your motions.

[–]hesh582 12 points13 points  (10 children)

It's really not true at all though. Aikido isn't competitive because it's more like a very specialized self defense class than a true martial art, and it doesn't really make any pretense otherwise.

The central tenet of aikido is disengagement. Basically all techniques are defenses against an attack, and the subtext (once you strip out all the typical Japanese martial arts philosophical stuff) is that the point is to quickly surprise an attacker with a technique so that you can get away. It's very non-confrontational in philosophy and emphasizes escaping conflict without hurting the attacker.

Most of what students learn is how to fall without hurting yourself, and various things to do if someone grabs you from different angles. There's no real need to "spar" when you're just trying to teach someone how to break someone's grip and force them away.

It's a perfectly legitimate martial art, it just has a much narrower scope of purpose than a lot of others. It's not going to teach you to spar with an MMA pro. But it doesn't claim that it will, and what it does teach you is potentially more useful for a non-expert to use in a real world situation.

[–]Katboss 12 points13 points  (8 children)


Look at this bullshit. This is what aikido fanatics believe is reality. Yes the video is pro-MMA, but the MMA people don't make the aikido people do these demonstrations"

It's gymastics, nothing more. It teaches you how to help someone throw themselves onto a mat.

[–]hesh582 8 points9 points  (7 children)

See, I knew something like this would come up.

Aikido as it is typically taught makes no pretense of being a competitive martial art. Unfortunately, that doesn't stop many people involved in it from really wishing that it was. Arrogance is a problem with a lot of the less directly combat oriented martial arts. A depressing number of experts start fantasizing about being Bruce Lee no matter what the original point of their teaching.

At the small number of dojos I've been at, anybody involved would laugh at the suggestion that aikido techniques would win vs an mma pro.

Also as a general rule, remember that you can find any schmuck from any group to make a fool out of themselves, and then turn around and say "this is what ____ fanatics actually believe!!!". There's practically an industry built around it. If your only exposure to what aikido is comes filtered through mma site and such, you aren't going to actually get a good look at what aikido actually is about for the majority of practitioners.

edit: I didn't look closely at your video, I thought it was just an mma person kicking the crap out of an aikido guy. It's the no-touch bullshit. That has absolutely no place in any aikido dojo I've ever been to.

[–]Drew11427 5 points6 points  (6 children)

Can you please provide us with some examples of what aikido actually is? I'm genuinely curious.

[–]hesh582 6 points7 points  (5 children)

I'm speaking from personal experience, mostly. I dabbled in it for a few years.

It's as I described in the post up the chain a few from this one: mostly a self defense class mixed with spiritual/mental discipline and well being. If you have a line of "physical group activities to do in a gym" that starts with yoga and ends with underground thai kickboxing, aikido probably falls somewhere in the middle, a lot closer to yoga than MMA is. The "arts" part of martial arts does come from somewhere, even if ass kicking is the only take away most people get from them.

On of the central themes is disengagement. You're supposed to break a hold, knock someone off balance, etc so that you can escape or defuse a conflict. It's not really designed to be used against an expert, trained attacker or in direct combat. You're not trying to "win" by beating someone into submission, you're trying to prevent everyone involved (and that means everyone, a big part of aikido is not injuring your attacker if possible) from getting hurt.

What is it practically? It's a lot of holds and throws, mostly executed in a quick moment to deal with one specific situation. For instance, if a person grabs your wrist to stop you from stepping away, aikido provides a lot of ways to deal with that. If they jump on you going for a jiu jitsu takedown, it provides basically none.

There's also some weapon routines and such, but these are more like the "gymnastics" criticized earlier. The point is learning to control your movement, not beating someone in a sword fight. There's a zen/spiritual aspect of aikido, which also comes into play when it comes to the aforementioned goal of defusing conflict.

[–]Kaneman82 9 points10 points  (11 children)

Aikido is a fake martial art.

[–]atglobe 14 points15 points  (2 children)

“I’ve been doing martial arts for like 87 years.”

[–]SqueezeTheShamansTit 53 points54 points  (15 children)

He's a complete douchebag. My husband was EOD in the army and worked with the secret service a few times. They were in an elevator once and Steven got in with them, looked at the secret service guys and smirked and said "you guys think you're tough but I could take you" who the fuck says that? God if his movie persona and that stupid reality show weren't enough to hate the guy, that put it over the top for me.

[–]Hrmpfreally 12 points13 points  (3 children)

I cannot for the life of me remember what it was, but I was watching a documentary with my wife in which the filmmaker randomly encountered the dude on the street, so he walked up to him with his camera crew, and Seagal just.. tossed his ass in to a fountain.

It looked horribly scripted, because everything he does is horribly scripted, but it was enough of an asshole move for both of us to groan. What a preposterous fuckwit.

Your story sounds on point. I can only imagine the dudes your SO got exposed to. I was in the 10th Mountain from 12-16, but I didn’t do anything that cool! EOD takes balls of steel. ALL of the props to your husband.

Edit: Travels with my Father! Highly recommend. - I think it’s on Netflix

[–]SqueezeTheShamansTit 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Thanks man, I'll let him know he got some internet props! It's def a tough job, the failure rate for the course was ridiculous. IIRC something like 3/4 of them didn't make it. Thanks for your service too!!

[–]Hrmpfreally 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I was a 35T- I’ll spare you the fancy name, but it was basically Geek Squad for MI. It was a pretty sought after gig, so, we had a few EOD wash-outs that came our way for civilian career prospects.

I was always so struck by how these profoundly intelligent dudes all just came from a gig where they were just super amped up about blowing shit up in real time. I love it. Hahaha

[–]SqueezeTheShamansTit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol yeah he's always been a complete pyro. The 4th of July is bigger than Christmas at our house. If anyone reading this is interested and you can get through the course, the contract work once you go civilian is crazy lucrative. He didn't go that route but his EOD buddies who did it could retire with multiple homes at 40 if responsible. You can get into bob disposal as a civilian with a short 6 week 6k$ course but it's very difficult getting work without knowing someone already in the field.

[–]Jazzspasm 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Here’s his new book up on amazon. Brain challenging stuff, i’m sure.


Check out who wrote the foreword

[–]Hrmpfreally 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I just stocked up on toilet paper, so I’m good.

[–]Shpongolese 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Holy fuck i was not expecting the dirty sheriff Joe Arpaio! Wowwwww

[–]ThisLookInfectedToYa 58 points59 points  (9 children)

Hope they don't kill his dog when they come to visit.

[–]Keohane 59 points60 points  (8 children)

[–]ThisLookInfectedToYa 15 points16 points  (3 children)

Vid of LAPD's visit

[–]Car-face 2 points3 points  (2 children)

If any hollywood star's actor's person who has stood in front of a camera's home was filled with vats of milk, I'd put money on it being Steven Seagal.

[edited for accuracy]

[–]alexsoccer20 4 points5 points  (2 children)

A tank for a cock-fighting ring bust? Way to over do it right there.

[–]Keohane 5 points6 points  (0 children)

"The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized."

Emphasis mine.

[–]BigTimStrangeX 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It was probably for that reality TV show he used to have.

[–]hjr198 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Can confirm. I feel violated everytime I look at him

[–]beverlygrungerspladt 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Can confirm. Wikipedia states, "the only thing worse than being raped is being raped by Steven segal."

[–]Berns429 13 points14 points  (0 children)

How dare they accuse this highly decorated Navy SEAL. I recently watched a documentary about him, i witnessed hidden camera footage of him single handedly take down a group of domestic terrorists whom were trying to take over a US warship, he karate chopped the shit outa these guys, released his captured comrades, and protected a hot chick who was there to celebrate the captain’s bday. I mean these were some real asshole terrorists, they killed captain on his friggin birthday.

But that didn’t slow down this war hero, he killed the last dude with a knife, throwing his ass around and shit like he was a little bitch.

[–]VoxPlacitum 34 points35 points  (2 children)

"My safe space..." *Music playing

[–]Mirand1986 19 points20 points  (1 child)

"Bully-proof windows, troll-safe doors.."

[–]meta_perspective 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"They called me 'Steven Se-boomboom'!"

[–]buffer_overfl0w 33 points34 points  (3 children)

There's lots of crazy shit about Rapey Seagal such as keep sex slaves (2010) http://www.today.com/id/36446224/ns/today-today_entertainment/t/seagal-sued-allegedly-keeping-sex-slaves/.

I hope the fat fuck gets what he deserves

[–]Wjreky 6 points7 points  (2 children)

So did anything come of this?

[–]stretchpharmstrong 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Yeah, I remembered this today too, am guessing as it was a civil thing that there was a payoff

[–]DuplexFields 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Also, the Hollywood Sex Ring told him he couldn't have any more sex slaves if he couldn't keep them secret.

(Debating putting an /s on this...)

[–]TheBauhausCure 17 points18 points  (5 children)

Such a shit person...gives martial arts and Aikido a bad name.

[–]Time_Remnant 67 points68 points  (5 children)

It's going to be fun watching him run away from this like a girl. Also, shit himself.

[–]drkwaters 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Unless there is well documented evidence or an admission of guilt it's going to be impossible to prove any claim of sexual harassment that is over twenty years old. I'd be surprised if he even acknowledges the accusations.

[–]eldergias 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Man, his career is under siege and he is on deadly ground with this accusation. He always seemed like a good man, but if these accusations turn out to be true I hope his fame does not make him above the law.

[–]sylvielining 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Good thing everyone likes him and thinks he’s great in his safe space

[–]thenixnerd 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I'm just gonna say it: Not surprised.

[–]Gwydiian 18 points19 points  (0 children)

When are we going to start holding these agents accountable for sending women on auditions, knowing full well they would have to perform some sort of sexual act to land the role!?

[–]Jesuismieux412 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Gene Labell made Seagal poop his pants by applying a chokehold.

[–]oversized_hoodie 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wonder what it smells like when you take off leather pants full of shit.

[–]drunkmormon 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He's staying in Russia now.

[–]Seattle-ite 4 points5 points  (2 children)

How dare they accuse this proud musician who played in a Detroit "all-black band" in the '50s!

[–]kromatika 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I read an account of his guest appearance at some zen retreat where he never showed up to his scheduled lectures, making people wait for hours, and had a bunch of very young female Asian "assistants".

[–]Chaosmusic 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Seagal tried to run from the police, but with no one there to speed up the camera to make him look faster, he was easily caught.

[–]pf8g8r 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I guess he's not... above the law.

[–]LinksDedx_x 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah... no.. that dude is definitely a sexual predator. There's no actual way he's not.

[–]ProKrastinNation 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Just an anecdote but one of my friend's moms partied with him for a weekend in the 80's or 90's and said he was a total pig. She's also batshit crazy but I never found it hard to believe.

[–]M1ghtypen 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm genuinely surprised at this. Not because Seagal's a creep, but because I had no idea he even existed anymore. I didn't assume that he died, I just figured he vanished into the Upside Down or something.

[–]Darnoc777 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just came here to read the anti-Seagal comments. In Japan a cable station has Seagal Day where they play his movies all day. They must get them for free or really cheap because even the few seconds I look at them are unbearable.

[–]allbright1111 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I just realized who he looks like with his helmet of black hair - Ming the Merciless , the bad guy from Flash Gordon!

[–]Compl3t3lyInnocent 2 points3 points  (1 child)

1995, that's 22ish years - so I guess when California repealed the statute of limitations for rape it was retro-active?

[–]KeavesSharpi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There's no statute of limitations on sexual abuse?

[–]tralphaz43 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Need to investigate that wig

[–]smoothtrip 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He is a cop too, right? So this adds more to the craziness...

[–]rustyshakelford101 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A smudge on the otherwise pristine Seagal legacy.

[–]Deganawida33 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It couldn't happen to a 'nicer' guy...

[–]mclepus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That Russian citizenship is sure gonna come in handy.

[–]jjherrera1987 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Shitty actor and person it turns out. I hope the victims of his harassment get their justice due.

[–]k13 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If his excuse is as good as his acting... he's going to jail.

[–]Ralphusthegreatus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This explains Jean-Claude Van Damme's comeback. There can be only one.

[–]Jan_AFCNortherners 2 points3 points  (0 children)

His ex wife Kelly Lebroc has stated she was raped and abused by him.

[–]Scaredycrow 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This one I was expecting.

[–]NPVT 2 points3 points  (0 children)

[–]TitleJones 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have no fucks left for this kind of crap.

[–]pinball_schminball 15 points16 points  (16 children)

He also wrote an Alex Jones love letter creepy book about shadow governments or some shit.

Typical Trump supporter.

[–]aggressiveberries 4 points5 points  (0 children)

God the man should be put to death for wearing that atrocious rug on his head.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Isn't there a statue of limitations on this stuff?

[–]mlewisthird 1 point2 points  (0 children)

BOOOOM!!! I think we have another one... Someone get a bodybag over here.

[–]Mrselfdestructuk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

CDAN has had some blinds on him, another utter arse of a man!

[–]FlameOnTheBeat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"There is off camera nudity."

So, not part of the movie? That makes sense.

[–]fuzzycuffs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What's with Segal and Sherrif Clark and their prison pussy goatees?

[–]Uli_The_Nihilist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the most unsurprising of the avalanche of sexual misconduct charges we've heard over the last few months.

[–]I_like_to_jive 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Too bad he isn't a scientologist

[–]ovalt1nejenk1ns 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Source: anonymous sandwich

[–]Kyuuma 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can take that to the bank!

[–]pappytony 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Plot twist: this is actually a setup for the next Steven Seagal movie.

[–]2centzworth[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If he is charged, he can feel safe in the knowledge police aren't allowed to come for him with a tank, take his home down and kill his puppy anymore.