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[–]cryptoflasher 3514 points3515 points  (32 children)

Yo mama so fat I swerved to miss her and ran out of gas

[–][deleted] 613 points614 points  (26 children)

Mountain mama.

[–]PorkTacoSlut 287 points288 points  (19 children)

Take me home

[–]warriorblaze 206 points207 points  (18 children)

Country roads

[–]MuffaloMan 161 points162 points  (17 children)

To the place

[–]warriorblaze 150 points151 points  (16 children)

I belong

[–]ChargeTheCharger 144 points145 points  (13 children)

West Virginia

[–][deleted] 178 points179 points  (12 children)

Mountain mama.

[–]woundg 23 points24 points  (2 children)

West Virginia checking in and we thank you. Also,

https://youtu.be/GV3E5e7fZ6M

[–]ImaPhdnotarealdr 12 points13 points  (0 children)

If there isn’t, there should be a subreddit for an unexpected song thread

[–]jonnablaze 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of this line from Married with Children:

Fat lady: "How dare you say that to my face?"

Al Bundy: "Well, I'd say it behind your back but my car's only got half a tank of gas."

[–]SatansLoyalArmY 2649 points2650 points  (12 children)

Yo mama so fat she sat on a memory foam mattress and gave it Alzheimer's.

[–]RandomName01 127 points128 points  (0 children)

This one actually made me chuckle lol.

[–]Up_the_Down_Steroid 29 points30 points  (0 children)

this is actually really good

[–]kkohlmann 2082 points2083 points  (18 children)

Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.

[–]Vanryker 2843 points2844 points  (7 children)

Your mama so ugly her dildo needs Viagra.

[–]LinkFrost 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Wow that’s incredible.

[–]pjayaredee 930 points931 points  (13 children)

Yo mama so fat she’s on both sides of the family.

[–]youre_a_burrito_bud 23 points24 points  (0 children)

All of these are great, but this one actually made me let out the strangest laugh, I have no idea why.

[–]Vanryker 1620 points1621 points  (13 children)

Your mama so ugly when she gives head it counts as anal.

[–]dbpnz 109 points110 points  (9 children)

Fuck, dude. Nice.

[–]VelvetHorse 24 points25 points  (8 children)

Dude, fuck. Nice.

[–]drphilscat12 24 points25 points  (7 children)

Nice, fuck. Dude.

[–]Vanryker 1284 points1285 points  (2 children)

They used to call them jumpolines 'til yo mama bounced on one back in '74.

[–]robdiqulous 88 points89 points  (1 child)

Love this one. Never heard it.

[–]bigbabich 559 points560 points  (10 children)

Your mama's so fat she got flesh eating disease and the doctors gave her 35 years to live.

[–]im_dead_sirius 153 points154 points  (3 children)

Your mama's so fat she got flesh eating disease and the doctors gave her 35 years to live.

Your mama's so fat, her flesh eating disease gave up.

[–]buoy__ 34 points35 points  (1 child)

Your mamas so fat her flesh eating diesease got obesity

[–]Boukensha94 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks for making my day.

[–]OpinionatedLulz 43 points44 points  (3 children)

True story. I had an aunt so fat she went in for leg pain and was diagnosed with "lose some weight" and died two months later of flesh eating bacteria infection... that started in her leg. She was a total cunt so I laughed harder than I should have at this one.

[–]-Carnage- 590 points591 points  (1 child)

Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it

[–]NippleSalsa 1003 points1004 points  (7 children)

All of these jokes have been done thousands of times, by thousands of people. Kinda like Yo Mama.

[–]RubyKane 75 points76 points  (0 children)

Yo mama like a carnival ride- everyone gets a turn, then they have to get off her in a few minutes to find a place to puke.

[–]BeerForceOne 894 points895 points  (15 children)

Yo mama so old she got a separate entrance for black dicks.

[–]DMike82 69 points70 points  (1 child)

"I do. It's called my anus!" - Michelle Visage

[–]LuisSATX 46 points47 points  (1 child)

Haven't heard that one. Awesome lol

[–]DarkSideOfTheBeug 668 points669 points  (3 children)

Yo mama so fat she needs cheat codes for wii fit.

[–]ATikh 602 points603 points  (19 children)

Yo mama so fat she can't save files larger than 4 gb

[–]Blackdiesel 58 points59 points  (1 child)

hahaha did not expect to see a filesystem joke

[–]geeky_username 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The ReiserFS jokes always kill

[–]Kerriganszergheels 477 points478 points  (3 children)

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean beef

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Yo mama

[–]Spiderman_Underoos 170 points171 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so ugly when she play Mortal Kombat, Scorpion said "Stay over there"

[–]ratpac_m 152 points153 points  (1 child)

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in the bathroom and peed her pants.

Almost peed my own pants from laughing when I heard that in 6th grade.

[–]radioactive_koala 409 points410 points  (6 children)

Yo mama so fat, she can’t even jump to conclusions

Edit:spelling

[–]1982throwaway1 67 points68 points  (5 children)

[–]radioactive_koala 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Haha nice

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (2 children)

No it isn't. In fact, that is the worst idea I've ever heard in my life.

[–]rick_blatchman 11 points12 points  (1 child)

It is terrible, this idea.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I, uh...look, I gotta get out of here. See you guys later - if I still have a job.

[–]Vanryker 295 points296 points  (5 children)

Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.

[–]Somgr81 318 points319 points  (0 children)

Your momma's so fat I pictured her in my head and the bitch broke my neck!

[–]casino_night 215 points216 points  (9 children)

Yo momma's so fat her ass has its own congressman.

[–]TestaRossa95 43 points44 points  (4 children)

It's funnier when you imagine the congressman. For example standing in front of a microphone stand for a TV interview in his own state, maybe clearing his throat before talking. Or in Congress voting in his state's interest. Or his state's name being announced when introducing him onto a platform etc.

[–]Vanryker 209 points210 points  (1 child)

Your mama so fat when she wears high heels she strikes oil.

[–]Pithecanthropus88 136 points137 points  (0 children)

Your mama is so fat, she went out in high heels and came home in flip-flops.

[–]Panic_Hoedown 158 points159 points  (1 child)

Yo momma so fat, she puts on her belt using a boomerang.

[–]-Carnage- 249 points250 points  (3 children)

Yo mama so poor she can't even pay attention

[–]BigNine 3 points4 points  (0 children)

nor can she spend the night!

[–]Vitis_Vinifera 119 points120 points  (1 child)

What's the difference between three dicks and a joke? Yo mama can't take a joke.

[–]nutria1966 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Yo Mama so old, I told her to act her age and the bitch dropped dead.

[–]IamNotChrisFerry 236 points237 points  (1 child)

Your Mama like Puerto Rico.

Everyone feel bad for her, but nobody wants to do anything about it.

[–]Doxykitty 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Ouch

[–]707deathwish 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Yo daddy so ugly that... hold up, that's yo mama?!

[–]henhenz1 284 points285 points  (6 children)

yo mama so fat she should probably be worried about increased risk of cardiovascular disease

[–]m1207 71 points72 points  (3 children)

It is true its true I will work at the 7/11 but just like my store your mamas legs are open 24/7

Your mama went to the virgin Islands... now they call it The Islands

[–]MutantTomParis 10 points11 points  (2 children)

That second one got a crack out of me.

[–]m1207 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Look up Pak attack on YouTube.

[–]Darkroomist 168 points169 points  (11 children)

You mamma’s teeth are so yellow when she smiles traffic slows down.

[–]jmdxsvhs15 190 points191 points  (11 children)

A priest and a rabbi walk in to a bar. I don't remember the rest but your mother's a whore.

[–]FlipsLikeAPancake 70 points71 points  (7 children)

The joke on SNL was "What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck and I can't remember how it ends, but your mother's a whore."

See, the actually punchline is supposed to be "One's a sick duck and the other sucks dick."

[–]jmdxsvhs15 10 points11 points  (2 children)

You are correct. Thought it would be better suited to shorten it up for a mama joke on here. I tell it to people the way I said it and everyone always chuckles so I figured fuck it

[–]ColdBeef 133 points134 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so dumb she thinks Dick Cheney is how you keep a man around.

[–]an2018 113 points114 points  (0 children)

“Yo momma is so ugly that...that...look at you

Changed the game in fourth grade

[–]bastugubbar 60 points61 points  (2 children)

when a man has sex with alot of women he is called a stud, player etc etc. he is awarded by society.

if a woman has sex with alot of men she is called your mom

[–]davidfavel 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Found Jimmy.

[–]DunkanBulk 5 points6 points  (0 children)

"Rack's mum!"

[–]hootog 121 points122 points  (9 children)

Your mama is so stupid she bought tickets too see xbox live.

[–]Shewhoisgroovy 41 points42 points  (8 children)

Give 'em a minute to spot the irony everyone

[–]djhoneybadger94 97 points98 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat she sticks mayonnaise on her aspirin.

Yo mama so old her birth certificate says 'expired'.

Yo mama so dumb she failed a survey.

Yo mama smells so bad Speed Stick slowed down and stopped.

[–]botiaz1 113 points114 points  (1 child)

Your mama is so fat, her blood type is Nutella.

[–]dawayoflife 25 points26 points  (1 child)

Yo mama so fat that when she stepped on the scale it said "to be continued..."

[–][deleted] 166 points167 points  (4 children)

You're momma's pussy is so nasty they eat it on Fear Factor

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (2 children)

salty burn bro.

[–]Rothaarig 35 points36 points  (1 child)

Is that a description of the flavor?

[–]flaflou 144 points145 points  (14 children)

Your mama lacks so much class that she's a Marxist utopia.

Your mama is so tightfisted that when she vomits, she grits her teeth to keep the big pieces.

[–][deleted] 56 points57 points  (11 children)

Damn, that second one was fucking gross LOL

[–]flaflou 51 points52 points  (10 children)

Like yo mama. OOOOOH

[–]DrunkenShitposter 17 points18 points  (8 children)

He's on a roll! Just like OPs mama!

[–]flaflou 23 points24 points  (7 children)

Your mama is probably a very nice lady but you don't value her like she should be, and while you're here on reddit, she's alone waiting for you to call her because she loves you unconditionally even if you disappointed her sometimes in the past.

I probably went too far here, I'm sorry.

[–]Vicious_Violet 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yo mama is like a Marxist utopia- every worker gets a share.

[–]russianout 108 points109 points  (3 children)

Yo mama so old, when she lifted her titty to wash under it, a pilgrim fell out.

[–]flatbush71 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs.

[–]syndreamer 64 points65 points  (1 child)

your mama is like a brick, flat on both sides and gets laid by mexicans

[–]demoncupcakes 90 points91 points  (2 children)

Yo mama so poor I saw her walking down the street, kicking a can, I asked her what she was doing and she said, "Moving."

[–]9cawaii 161 points162 points  (10 children)

your mum is a nice lady

[–]CharlieThunderthrust 61 points62 points  (0 children)

wot the fuck did you say about me mum?

[–]secretlyareddituser 91 points92 points  (3 children)

[–]uniquenesss 26 points27 points  (2 children)

Don’t you mean Canada?

[–]joesatmoes 77 points78 points  (0 children)

What the hell do Canadians need burn centers for? Just go outside, take a bunch of snow and put it on the burn

Or in the case of ya mama use a snow plow.

[–]Stevioso 12 points13 points  (0 children)

You took that shit too far.

[–]fuckyouyoufuckinfuk 10 points11 points  (0 children)

youre sick

[–]_shittyshittymorph_ 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Yo mama so fat the last time she saw 2017 was on the scale.

[–]Jaco2point0 36 points37 points  (1 child)

Not sure if this is exactly what you’re looking for.

Rando: hey X why are you so fat X: Because every time I have sex with your mom she makes me a sandwich

[–]Bobby_Schroedz 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat, she got flesh-eating bacteria and the doctor only gave her 43 years to live

Yo mama so fat, when she goes camping, the bears hide their food

[–]FreezerGalaxy 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Yo moma so dumb she fell out of a tree raking leaves.

[–][deleted] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Your Momma so ugly she has to sneak up on bathwater

[–]spwiffle 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Ya mama's so old, her social security number is 7.

[–]Bronxand 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Yo Mama's chest is so hairy her tits look like coconuts

[–]Omny87 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Yo mama's so poor when she goes to KFC, she's gotta lick other people's fingers

[–]MomoTheSwift 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Your mama so poor she takes the trash in.

edit: typo

[–]KillTheViolent 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat she can only play Seek.

[–]wastedtime666 80 points81 points  (0 children)

Yo mama is so fat that she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

[–]thelonelywolf96 55 points56 points  (2 children)

yo momma so fat that when she sat on a rainbow skittles poured out.

[–]Mr_M00 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Yo momma so fat, she bleeds gravy.

[–]mastermindzeus 64 points65 points  (2 children)

Yo mama so fat, she has to wear six different watches: One for each time zone

Yo mama so fat that Dora can't even explore her

Yo mama so fat, she doent need the internet cause she is already worldwide.

Yo mama so ugly, her birth certificate is an aapology letter from a condom factory.

Yo mama so fat, when she sits on an iPhone, it becomes an iPad

Yo mama so ugly, she made an onion cry

Yo mama so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up

[–]AM_I_THE_ONLY_HUMAN 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so dumb and nasty we told her to do the robot and now R2-D2 has AIDS.

[–]OriginalIronDan 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat, when she walks across the room, the radio skips. Yo mama so fat, when she wears a red shirt, everyone yells “Hey, Kool-Aid!” Yo mama so fat, her dress labels say “Property of Barnum and Bailey.” Yo mama so fat, when she stepped into the ocean, Greenland went under water.

[–]TacosNZombies 39 points40 points  (1 child)

Yo momma so dumb she sold her car for gas money

[–]siskyline 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yo momma is so stupid she sold the TV to pay the cable bill

[–]FlyByFalcon 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat that she has smaller fat people orbiting her.

[–]LordJac 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Astrophysics is the study of massive objects like stars, galaxies and yo mama.

[–]teddytherooz 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Yo mama’s so nice, she’ll give you the hair right off her back.

Edit: How did I not put in “yo mama”?

[–]Stricklandcokane9321 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You’re momma so poor she was walking down the street with one shoe. When we asked if she lost one she said, “No, I found one.”

[–]littlechckens 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Heard being said to twins: Your Mum is so dumb she gave birth to you twice.

[–]StrawberryCandyGirl 11 points12 points  (0 children)

yo mama so poor she cant afford free samples

[–]Monkeyslave460 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Yo mamas so fat she put on platforms and took off flipflops.

[–]jon_cli 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yo mama's so stupid, she spent twenty minutes lookin' at an orange juice box because it said "concentrate"

[–]216horrorworks 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat that it seriously effects her self esteem.

[–]Shadowarrior64 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You mama so fat she broke the family tree

[–]AgainAndAgain_ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yo momma so dumb she got hit by a parked car

[–]skullinflopshots 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yo Mama's so fat, when your daddy climbs on top his ears pop.

[–]Tackysackjones 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and squeezed a booger outta George Washington's nose.

[–]zachar3 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so stupid she sits on the TV and watches the couch

[–]trapdoor_tirade 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Your mother's breasts sag with such severity that the late, great surrealist artist Salvador Dali mistook them for clocks.

[–]Stevioso 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yo mama got 11 fingers and 15 toes and STILL can’t count to 26.

[–]slow_as_light 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Your mother is like means of production. Every worker gets a share.

[–]Losttide 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Yo mama so fat it takes her two loads to haul ass.

[–]Dedj_McDedjson 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Yo mama's so repulsive, NASA has her on speed-dial in case a meteor is heading to earth.

[–]BlueMountainsMajesty 17 points18 points  (0 children)

She puts ranch dressing on her aspirin.

[–]Felix00108 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yo mamma's so fat, that when she jumped, I didn't wanna laugh, but the ground was cracking up!

[–]lost_james 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Your mama is so fat that Ben Kenobi said, "That's no moon. That's your mama".

[–]InkMatters 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yo mama is so fat her favorite color is ranch dressing.

[–]skylar-2 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat she thinks RGB is a sandwich.

[–]Shewhoisgroovy 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yo mama's so fat, when she walks passed the TV I miss three commercials

[–]-pneumaric- 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Yo mama so fat she use a garbage bag for a sock

[–]McBeaster 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Yo mama's so fat she went bungee jumping and went straight to hell

[–]VolcanicOrange 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Your mama so ugly she turned Medusa to stone.

[–]MeoplePumble 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so butch, Chuck Norris posts facts about HER online!

[–]jamiemadrx 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your mamas teeth are so yellow, I can’t believe it’s not butter.

[–]mschnittman[🍰] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your mamas so old she pisses wine and farts dust.

[–]Sirquestgiver 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so ugly I needed to downgrade my graphics card to look at pictures of her!

[–]SirNumbnuts 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat, if she went to Italy, Rome would have 8 hills

[–]Forkliftdriver86 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yo mama teeth so big, that when she sneeze she bites her own chest.

[–]wtiithefok 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so dumb she went to a football gane to get her quarter back

[–]guyfromsoccer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Your mama’s so ugly that when she was born, the doctor slapped...everybody!

[–]Sunfysh 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat she irons her pants on the driveway

[–]shnozdog 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yo mama's so nasty, when she takes off her underwear it sounds like velcro.

[–]TacosNZombies 9 points10 points  (4 children)

Yo momma is so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck

[–]Sanscosmic 25 points26 points  (14 children)

Your mama so black , she leaves fingerprints on charcoal

[–]1982throwaway1 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Your mama so fat I had to roll her in flour and find the wet spot.

[–]myles_cassidy 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Your mama so old she got a separate entrance for the black dicks.

[–]Youngilmour 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yo momma so fat she uses a boomerang to put her belt on.......

[–]Scotty627881 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Your mama so fat that she has a very high chance of an early death caused by her increased risk of developing Type 2 Diabetes

[–]COCKBLOKALYPSE 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yo momma's so fat she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops.

[–]TwainVonnegut 3 points4 points  (2 children)

“Yo mama’s got a glass eye wid’ a fish in it!”

The Pharcyde

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ya mama's got a peg leg, wit a kick stand.

[–]Hippoyawn 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We rolled up to the drive in and she didn’t have to pay because we dressed her up to look just like a Chevrolet.

[–]FrostByte62 3 points4 points  (4 children)

Your mother is so stupid she couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel.

[–]MakeMeAmerican 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yo momma so fat it takes three buses and a train to get on her good side.

[–]Azel_dagger 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Your mama so ugly, her blowjobs count as anal.

[–]drksoft 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yo momma is so dumb, she went to the dentist to get bluetooth

[–]DogeDolan 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat she sweats syrup and butter! She got a full time job at dennies wiping pancakes on her forehead.

[–]ITS_MAJOR_TOM_YO 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Your mama is mentally unstable because of all these jokes and she should really get some psychiatric help.

[–]13nevada 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat, when she walked in front of the TV I missed four episodes

[–]PatsFan7 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so bald when she wears a turtle neck she looks like a roll-on deodorant stick

[–]Ep1cM47TH3W 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat every time she turns around it's her birthday

[–]UndercoverFrog 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Me and my older brother were driving down the street on a clear February night when a snow plow passed us.

I was like "There's no snow out, what's he gonna plow?"

Before I could even register the situation, my brother yelled "Yo Mama!"