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Posted byu/[deleted]6 months ago
Archived

What's the best "your mama" joke you ever heard?

794 comments
91% Upvoted
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3.5k points · 6 months agoGilded1

Yo mama so fat I swerved to miss her and ran out of gas

[deleted]
620 points · 6 months ago

Mountain mama.

Take me home

Country roads

To the place

I belong

West Virginia

[deleted]
179 points · 6 months ago

Mountain mama.

Take me home

114 points · 6 months ago

Country roads

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24 points · 6 months ago

West Virginia checking in and we thank you. Also,

https://youtu.be/GV3E5e7fZ6M

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If there isn’t, there should be a subreddit for an unexpected song thread

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Reminds me of this line from Married with Children:

Fat lady: "How dare you say that to my face?"

Al Bundy: "Well, I'd say it behind your back but my car's only got half a tank of gas."

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Yo mama so fat she sat on a memory foam mattress and gave it Alzheimer's.

This one actually made me chuckle lol.

this is actually really good

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2.1k points · 6 months ago

Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.

Holy shit

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Logan Paul’s favorite.

coughs

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Hahaha! Thats messed up. I love it.

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2.8k points · 6 months agoGilded1

Your mama so ugly her dildo needs Viagra.

Wow that’s incredible.

best one in the thread

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Yo mama so fat she’s on both sides of the family.

maria anna of spain?

What the fuck

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All of these are great, but this one actually made me let out the strangest laugh, I have no idea why.

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1.6k points · 6 months ago

Your mama so ugly when she gives head it counts as anal.

113 points · 6 months ago

Fuck, dude. Nice.

Dude, fuck. Nice.

Nice, fuck. Dude.

Dude, nice fuck!

13 points · 6 months ago

Nice dude, fuck.

7 points · 6 months ago

Fuck, nice dude.

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1.3k points · 6 months ago

They used to call them jumpolines 'til yo mama bounced on one back in '74.

Love this one. Never heard it.

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564 points · 6 months ago

Your mama's so fat she got flesh eating disease and the doctors gave her 35 years to live.

Your mama's so fat she got flesh eating disease and the doctors gave her 35 years to live.

Your mama's so fat, her flesh eating disease gave up.

34 points · 6 months ago

Your mamas so fat her flesh eating diesease got obesity

Thanks for making my day.

True story. I had an aunt so fat she went in for leg pain and was diagnosed with "lose some weight" and died two months later of flesh eating bacteria infection... that started in her leg. She was a total cunt so I laughed harder than I should have at this one.

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590 points · 6 months ago

Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it

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All of these jokes have been done thousands of times, by thousands of people. Kinda like Yo Mama.

She's like a hardware store - 5 cents a screw.

Nice

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Yo mama like a carnival ride- everyone gets a turn, then they have to get off her in a few minutes to find a place to puke.

Yo mama so old she got a separate entrance for black dicks.

69 points · 6 months ago

"I do. It's called my anus!" - Michelle Visage

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Haven't heard that one. Awesome lol

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Yo mama so fat she needs cheat codes for wii fit.

I like this one

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604 points · 6 months ago

Yo mama so fat she can't save files larger than 4 gb

hahaha did not expect to see a filesystem joke

The ReiserFS jokes always kill

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476 points · 6 months agoGilded1

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean beef

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Yo mama

What do you call a cow with one leg?

Steak.

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Yo mama so ugly when she play Mortal Kombat, Scorpion said "Stay over there"

153 points · 6 months ago

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in the bathroom and peed her pants.

Almost peed my own pants from laughing when I heard that in 6th grade.

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Yo mama so fat, she can’t even jump to conclusions

Edit:spelling

Haha nice

[deleted]
14 points · 6 months ago

No it isn't. In fact, that is the worst idea I've ever heard in my life.

It is terrible, this idea.

[deleted]
8 points · 6 months ago

I, uh...look, I gotta get out of here. See you guys later - if I still have a job.

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293 points · 6 months ago

Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.

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323 points · 6 months ago

Your momma's so fat I pictured her in my head and the bitch broke my neck!

Yo momma's so fat her ass has its own congressman.

It's funnier when you imagine the congressman. For example standing in front of a microphone stand for a TV interview in his own state, maybe clearing his throat before talking. Or in Congress voting in his state's interest. Or his state's name being announced when introducing him onto a platform etc.

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207 points · 6 months ago

Your mama so fat when she wears high heels she strikes oil.

Your mama is so fat, she went out in high heels and came home in flip-flops.

Yo momma so fat, she puts on her belt using a boomerang.

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247 points · 6 months ago

Yo mama so poor she can't even pay attention

haha

nor can she spend the night!

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What's the difference between three dicks and a joke? Yo mama can't take a joke.

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Yo Mama so old, I told her to act her age and the bitch dropped dead.

Your Mama like Puerto Rico.

Everyone feel bad for her, but nobody wants to do anything about it.

Ouch

Yo daddy so ugly that... hold up, that's yo mama?!

286 points · 6 months ago

yo mama so fat she should probably be worried about increased risk of cardiovascular disease

Comment deleted6 months ago(1 child)

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68 points · 6 months ago

It is true its true I will work at the 7/11 but just like my store your mamas legs are open 24/7

Your mama went to the virgin Islands... now they call it The Islands

That second one got a crack out of me.

7 points · 6 months ago

Look up Pak attack on YouTube.

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You mamma’s teeth are so yellow when she smiles traffic slows down.

160 points · 6 months ago

** speeds up

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A priest and a rabbi walk in to a bar. I don't remember the rest but your mother's a whore.

The joke on SNL was "What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck and I can't remember how it ends, but your mother's a whore."

See, the actually punchline is supposed to be "One's a sick duck and the other sucks dick."

You are correct. Thought it would be better suited to shorten it up for a mama joke on here. I tell it to people the way I said it and everyone always chuckles so I figured fuck it

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130 points · 6 months ago

Yo mama so dumb she thinks Dick Cheney is how you keep a man around.

110 points · 6 months ago

“Yo momma is so ugly that...that...look at you

Changed the game in fourth grade

when a man has sex with alot of women he is called a stud, player etc etc. he is awarded by society.

if a woman has sex with alot of men she is called your mom

Found Jimmy.

"Rack's mum!"

127 points · 6 months ago

Your mama is so stupid she bought tickets too see xbox live.

Give 'em a minute to spot the irony everyone

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Yo mama so fat she sticks mayonnaise on her aspirin.

Yo mama so old her birth certificate says 'expired'.

Yo mama so dumb she failed a survey.

Yo mama smells so bad Speed Stick slowed down and stopped.

114 points · 6 months ago

Your mama is so fat, her blood type is Nutella.

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Yo mama so fat that when she stepped on the scale it said "to be continued..."

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[deleted]
167 points · 6 months ago

You're momma's pussy is so nasty they eat it on Fear Factor

[deleted]
31 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

salty burn bro.

Is that a description of the flavor?

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144 points · 6 months ago

Your mama lacks so much class that she's a Marxist utopia.

Your mama is so tightfisted that when she vomits, she grits her teeth to keep the big pieces.

[deleted]
52 points · 6 months ago

Damn, that second one was fucking gross LOL

56 points · 6 months ago

Like yo mama. OOOOOH

He's on a roll! Just like OPs mama!

20 points · 6 months ago

Your mama is probably a very nice lady but you don't value her like she should be, and while you're here on reddit, she's alone waiting for you to call her because she loves you unconditionally even if you disappointed her sometimes in the past.

I probably went too far here, I'm sorry.

She doesn't want to talk to me when I'm drunk.

:(

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Yo mama is like a Marxist utopia- every worker gets a share.

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Yo mama so old, when she lifted her titty to wash under it, a pilgrim fell out.

RedditSilver

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Yo mama so fat the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs.

your mama is like a brick, flat on both sides and gets laid by mexicans

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92 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

Yo mama so poor I saw her walking down the street, kicking a can, I asked her what she was doing and she said, "Moving."

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164 points · 6 months ago

your mum is a nice lady

wot the fuck did you say about me mum?

Don’t you mean Canada?

What the hell do Canadians need burn centers for? Just go outside, take a bunch of snow and put it on the burn

Or in the case of ya mama use a snow plow.

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You took that shit too far.

youre sick

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Yo mama so fat the last time she saw 2017 was on the scale.

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Not sure if this is exactly what you’re looking for.

Rando: hey X why are you so fat X: Because every time I have sex with your mom she makes me a sandwich

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Yo mama so fat, she got flesh-eating bacteria and the doctor only gave her 43 years to live

Yo mama so fat, when she goes camping, the bears hide their food

Yo moma so dumb she fell out of a tree raking leaves.

[deleted]
56 points · 6 months ago

Your Momma so ugly she has to sneak up on bathwater

Ya mama's so old, her social security number is 7.

Yo Mama's chest is so hairy her tits look like coconuts

39 points · 6 months ago

Yo mama's so poor when she goes to KFC, she's gotta lick other people's fingers

15 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

Your mama so poor she takes the trash in.

edit: typo

Yo mama so fat she can only play Seek.

Yo mama is so fat that she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

yo momma so fat that when she sat on a rainbow skittles poured out.

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42 points · 6 months ago

Yo momma so fat, she bleeds gravy.

60 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

Yo mama so fat, she has to wear six different watches: One for each time zone

Yo mama so fat that Dora can't even explore her

Yo mama so fat, she doent need the internet cause she is already worldwide.

Yo mama so ugly, her birth certificate is an aapology letter from a condom factory.

Yo mama so fat, when she sits on an iPhone, it becomes an iPad

Yo mama so ugly, she made an onion cry

Yo mama so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up

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Yo mama so dumb and nasty we told her to do the robot and now R2-D2 has AIDS.

Yo mama so fat, when she walks across the room, the radio skips. Yo mama so fat, when she wears a red shirt, everyone yells “Hey, Kool-Aid!” Yo mama so fat, her dress labels say “Property of Barnum and Bailey.” Yo mama so fat, when she stepped into the ocean, Greenland went under water.

Yo momma so dumb she sold her car for gas money

Yo momma is so stupid she sold the TV to pay the cable bill

Yo mama so fat that she has smaller fat people orbiting her.

13 points · 6 months ago

Astrophysics is the study of massive objects like stars, galaxies and yo mama.

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Yo mama’s so nice, she’ll give you the hair right off her back.

Edit: How did I not put in “yo mama”?

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You’re momma so poor she was walking down the street with one shoe. When we asked if she lost one she said, “No, I found one.”

Heard being said to twins: Your Mum is so dumb she gave birth to you twice.

yo mama so poor she cant afford free samples

Yo mamas so fat she put on platforms and took off flipflops.

10 points · 6 months ago

Yo mama's so stupid, she spent twenty minutes lookin' at an orange juice box because it said "concentrate"

Yo mama so fat that it seriously effects her self esteem.

You mama so fat she broke the family tree

Yo momma so dumb she got hit by a parked car

Yo Mama's so fat, when your daddy climbs on top his ears pop.

Yo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and squeezed a booger outta George Washington's nose.

21 points · 6 months ago

Yo mama so stupid she sits on the TV and watches the couch

Your mother's breasts sag with such severity that the late, great surrealist artist Salvador Dali mistook them for clocks.

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Yo mama got 11 fingers and 15 toes and STILL can’t count to 26.

Your mother is like means of production. Every worker gets a share.

Yo mama so fat it takes her two loads to haul ass.

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Yo mama's so repulsive, NASA has her on speed-dial in case a meteor is heading to earth.

She puts ranch dressing on her aspirin.

Yo mamma's so fat, that when she jumped, I didn't wanna laugh, but the ground was cracking up!

Your mama is so fat that Ben Kenobi said, "That's no moon. That's your mama".

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Yo mama is so fat her favorite color is ranch dressing.

Yo mama so fat she thinks RGB is a sandwich.

Yo mama's so fat, when she walks passed the TV I miss three commercials

Yo mama so fat she use a garbage bag for a sock

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Yo mama's so fat she went bungee jumping and went straight to hell

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Your mama so ugly she turned Medusa to stone.

Yo mama so butch, Chuck Norris posts facts about HER online!

Your mamas teeth are so yellow, I can’t believe it’s not butter.

Your mamas so old she pisses wine and farts dust.

Yo mama so ugly I needed to downgrade my graphics card to look at pictures of her!

Yo mama so fat, if she went to Italy, Rome would have 8 hills

Yo mama teeth so big, that when she sneeze she bites her own chest.

Yo mama so dumb she went to a football gane to get her quarter back

Your mama’s so ugly that when she was born, the doctor slapped...everybody!

Yo mama so fat she irons her pants on the driveway

Yo mama's so nasty, when she takes off her underwear it sounds like velcro.

Yo momma is so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck

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Your mama so black , she leaves fingerprints on charcoal

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Your mama so fat I had to roll her in flour and find the wet spot.

Your mama so old she got a separate entrance for the black dicks.

Yo momma so fat she uses a boomerang to put her belt on.......

Your mama so fat that she has a very high chance of an early death caused by her increased risk of developing Type 2 Diabetes

Yo momma's so fat she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops.

“Yo mama’s got a glass eye wid’ a fish in it!”

The Pharcyde

[deleted]
5 points · 6 months ago

Ya mama's got a peg leg, wit a kick stand.

We rolled up to the drive in and she didn’t have to pay because we dressed her up to look just like a Chevrolet.

Your mother is so stupid she couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel.

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Yo momma so fat it takes three buses and a train to get on her good side.

Your mama so ugly, her blowjobs count as anal.

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Yo momma is so dumb, she went to the dentist to get bluetooth

Yo mama so fat she sweats syrup and butter! She got a full time job at dennies wiping pancakes on her forehead.

Your mama is mentally unstable because of all these jokes and she should really get some psychiatric help.

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Yo mama so fat, when she walked in front of the TV I missed four episodes

Yo mama so bald when she wears a turtle neck she looks like a roll-on deodorant stick

Yo mama so fat every time she turns around it's her birthday

Me and my older brother were driving down the street on a clear February night when a snow plow passed us.

I was like "There's no snow out, what's he gonna plow?"

Before I could even register the situation, my brother yelled "Yo Mama!"

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