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[–]cryptoflasher 3496 points3497 points  (31 children)

Yo mama so fat I swerved to miss her and ran out of gas

[–]purdypainter[S] 608 points609 points  (26 children)

Mountain mama.

[–]PorkTacoSlut 275 points276 points  (19 children)

Take me home

[–]warriorblaze 206 points207 points  (18 children)

Country roads

[–]woundg 24 points25 points  (2 children)

West Virginia checking in and we thank you. Also,

https://youtu.be/GV3E5e7fZ6M

[–]ImaPhdnotarealdr 15 points16 points  (0 children)

If there isn’t, there should be a subreddit for an unexpected song thread

[–]jonnablaze 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of this line from Married with Children:

Fat lady: "How dare you say that to my face?"

Al Bundy: "Well, I'd say it behind your back but my car's only got half a tank of gas."

[–]SatansLoyalArmY 2626 points2627 points  (12 children)

Yo mama so fat she sat on a memory foam mattress and gave it Alzheimer's.

[–]RandomName01 127 points128 points  (0 children)

This one actually made me chuckle lol.

[–]Up_the_Down_Steroid 31 points32 points  (0 children)

this is actually really good

[–]kkohlmann 2072 points2073 points  (18 children)

Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.

[–]Vanryker 2829 points2830 points  (7 children)

Your mama so ugly her dildo needs Viagra.

[–]pjayaredee 920 points921 points  (13 children)

Yo mama so fat she’s on both sides of the family.

[–]youre_a_burrito_bud 27 points28 points  (0 children)

All of these are great, but this one actually made me let out the strangest laugh, I have no idea why.

[–]Vanryker 1605 points1606 points  (13 children)

Your mama so ugly when she gives head it counts as anal.

[–]dbpnz 113 points114 points  (9 children)

Fuck, dude. Nice.

[–]VelvetHorse 23 points24 points  (8 children)

Dude, fuck. Nice.

[–]Vanryker 1273 points1274 points  (2 children)

They used to call them jumpolines 'til yo mama bounced on one back in '74.

[–]robdiqulous 84 points85 points  (1 child)

Love this one. Never heard it.

[–]bigbabich 548 points549 points  (10 children)

Your mama's so fat she got flesh eating disease and the doctors gave her 35 years to live.

[–]im_dead_sirius 145 points146 points  (3 children)

Your mama's so fat she got flesh eating disease and the doctors gave her 35 years to live.

Your mama's so fat, her flesh eating disease gave up.

[–]buoy__ 31 points32 points  (1 child)

Your mamas so fat her flesh eating diesease got obesity

[–]Boukensha94 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks for making my day.

[–]OpinionatedLulz 45 points46 points  (3 children)

True story. I had an aunt so fat she went in for leg pain and was diagnosed with "lose some weight" and died two months later of flesh eating bacteria infection... that started in her leg. She was a total cunt so I laughed harder than I should have at this one.

[–]-Carnage- 584 points585 points  (1 child)

Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it

[–]NippleSalsa 991 points992 points  (7 children)

All of these jokes have been done thousands of times, by thousands of people. Kinda like Yo Mama.

[–]BeerForceOne 883 points884 points  (15 children)

Yo mama so old she got a separate entrance for black dicks.

[–]DMike82 61 points62 points  (1 child)

"I do. It's called my anus!" - Michelle Visage

[–]LuisSATX 44 points45 points  (1 child)

Haven't heard that one. Awesome lol

[–]RubyKane 73 points74 points  (0 children)

Yo mama like a carnival ride- everyone gets a turn, then they have to get off her in a few minutes to find a place to puke.

[–]DarkSideOfTheBeug 658 points659 points  (3 children)

Yo mama so fat she needs cheat codes for wii fit.

[–]ATikh 594 points595 points  (19 children)

Yo mama so fat she can't save files larger than 4 gb

[–]Blackdiesel 57 points58 points  (1 child)

hahaha did not expect to see a filesystem joke

[–]geeky_username 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The ReiserFS jokes always kill

[–]Kerriganszergheels 471 points472 points  (3 children)

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean beef

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Yo mama

[–]Spiderman_Underoos 164 points165 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so ugly when she play Mortal Kombat, Scorpion said "Stay over there"

[–]ratpac_m 143 points144 points  (1 child)

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in the bathroom and peed her pants.

Almost peed my own pants from laughing when I heard that in 6th grade.

[–]AdamFiction 28 points29 points  (0 children)

You're so stupid you got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

[–]radioactive_koala 402 points403 points  (6 children)

Yo mama so fat, she can’t even jump to conclusions

Edit:spelling

[–]1982throwaway1 63 points64 points  (5 children)

[–]radioactive_koala 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Haha nice

[–]Chiliad4 12 points13 points  (2 children)

No it isn't. In fact, that is the worst idea I've ever heard in my life.

[–]rick_blatchman 9 points10 points  (1 child)

It is terrible, this idea.

[–]Chiliad4 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I, uh...look, I gotta get out of here. See you guys later - if I still have a job.

[–]Vanryker 292 points293 points  (5 children)

Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.

[–]casino_night 212 points213 points  (9 children)

Yo momma's so fat her ass has its own congressman.

[–]TestaRossa95 43 points44 points  (4 children)

It's funnier when you imagine the congressman. For example standing in front of a microphone stand for a TV interview in his own state, maybe clearing his throat before talking. Or in Congress voting in his state's interest. Or his state's name being announced when introducing him onto a platform etc.

[–]Somgr81 323 points324 points  (0 children)

Your momma's so fat I pictured her in my head and the bitch broke my neck!

[–]Vanryker 206 points207 points  (1 child)

Your mama so fat when she wears high heels she strikes oil.

[–]Pithecanthropus88 134 points135 points  (0 children)

Your mama is so fat, she went out in high heels and came home in flip-flops.

[–]Panic_Hoedown 152 points153 points  (1 child)

Yo momma so fat, she puts on her belt using a boomerang.

[–]-Carnage- 246 points247 points  (3 children)

Yo mama so poor she can't even pay attention

[–]BigNine 3 points4 points  (0 children)

nor can she spend the night!

[–]Vitis_Vinifera 118 points119 points  (1 child)

What's the difference between three dicks and a joke? Yo mama can't take a joke.

[–]IamNotChrisFerry 236 points237 points  (1 child)

Your Mama like Puerto Rico.

Everyone feel bad for her, but nobody wants to do anything about it.

[–]nutria1966 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Yo Mama so old, I told her to act her age and the bitch dropped dead.

[–]707deathwish 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Yo daddy so ugly that... hold up, that's yo mama?!

[–]henhenz1 281 points282 points  (6 children)

yo mama so fat she should probably be worried about increased risk of cardiovascular disease

[–]milf__wannabe 106 points107 points  (1 child)

"Yo momma so fat she got type 2 diabetes and we're all really starting to worry about her." That one's Maria Bamford. I just love her.

[–]m1207 70 points71 points  (3 children)

It is true its true I will work at the 7/11 but just like my store your mamas legs are open 24/7

Your mama went to the virgin Islands... now they call it The Islands

[–]MutantTomParis 10 points11 points  (2 children)

That second one got a crack out of me.

[–]m1207 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Look up Pak attack on YouTube.

[–]Darkroomist 170 points171 points  (11 children)

You mamma’s teeth are so yellow when she smiles traffic slows down.

[–]jmdxsvhs15 190 points191 points  (11 children)

A priest and a rabbi walk in to a bar. I don't remember the rest but your mother's a whore.

[–]FlipsLikeAPancake 67 points68 points  (7 children)

The joke on SNL was "What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck and I can't remember how it ends, but your mother's a whore."

See, the actually punchline is supposed to be "One's a sick duck and the other sucks dick."

[–]jmdxsvhs15 11 points12 points  (2 children)

You are correct. Thought it would be better suited to shorten it up for a mama joke on here. I tell it to people the way I said it and everyone always chuckles so I figured fuck it

[–]ColdBeef 130 points131 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so dumb she thinks Dick Cheney is how you keep a man around.

[–]an2018 110 points111 points  (0 children)

“Yo momma is so ugly that...that...look at you

Changed the game in fourth grade

[–]bastugubbar 61 points62 points  (2 children)

when a man has sex with alot of women he is called a stud, player etc etc. he is awarded by society.

if a woman has sex with alot of men she is called your mom

[–]davidfavel 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Found Jimmy.

[–]DunkanBulk 6 points7 points  (0 children)

"Rack's mum!"

[–]hootog 120 points121 points  (9 children)

Your mama is so stupid she bought tickets too see xbox live.

[–]Shewhoisgroovy 40 points41 points  (8 children)

Give 'em a minute to spot the irony everyone

[–]djhoneybadger94 93 points94 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat she sticks mayonnaise on her aspirin.

Yo mama so old her birth certificate says 'expired'.

Yo mama so dumb she failed a survey.

Yo mama smells so bad Speed Stick slowed down and stopped.

[–]botiaz1 112 points113 points  (1 child)

Your mama is so fat, her blood type is Nutella.

[–]dawayoflife 26 points27 points  (1 child)

Yo mama so fat that when she stepped on the scale it said "to be continued..."

[–][deleted] 165 points166 points  (4 children)

You're momma's pussy is so nasty they eat it on Fear Factor

[–]purdypainter[S] 30 points31 points  (2 children)

salty burn bro.

[–]Rothaarig 36 points37 points  (1 child)

Is that a description of the flavor?

[–]flaflou 143 points144 points  (14 children)

Your mama lacks so much class that she's a Marxist utopia.

Your mama is so tightfisted that when she vomits, she grits her teeth to keep the big pieces.

[–]purdypainter[S] 51 points52 points  (11 children)

Damn, that second one was fucking gross LOL

[–]flaflou 57 points58 points  (10 children)

Like yo mama. OOOOOH

[–]DrunkenShitposter[🍰] 16 points17 points  (8 children)

He's on a roll! Just like OPs mama!

[–]flaflou 22 points23 points  (7 children)

Your mama is probably a very nice lady but you don't value her like she should be, and while you're here on reddit, she's alone waiting for you to call her because she loves you unconditionally even if you disappointed her sometimes in the past.

I probably went too far here, I'm sorry.

[–]Vicious_Violet 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yo mama is like a Marxist utopia- every worker gets a share.

[–]russianout 108 points109 points  (3 children)

Yo mama so old, when she lifted her titty to wash under it, a pilgrim fell out.

[–]flatbush71 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs.

[–]syndreamer 60 points61 points  (1 child)

your mama is like a brick, flat on both sides and gets laid by mexicans

[–]demoncupcakes 93 points94 points  (2 children)

Yo mama so poor I saw her walking down the street, kicking a can, I asked her what she was doing and she said, "Moving."

[–]9cawaii 164 points165 points  (10 children)

your mum is a nice lady

[–]CharlieThunderthrust 62 points63 points  (0 children)

wot the fuck did you say about me mum?

[–]secretlyareddituser 87 points88 points  (3 children)

[–]uniquenesss 26 points27 points  (2 children)

Don’t you mean Canada?

[–]joesatmoes 76 points77 points  (0 children)

What the hell do Canadians need burn centers for? Just go outside, take a bunch of snow and put it on the burn

Or in the case of ya mama use a snow plow.

[–]Stevioso 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You took that shit too far.

[–]_shittyshittymorph_ 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Yo mama so fat the last time she saw 2017 was on the scale.

[–]Jaco2point0 37 points38 points  (1 child)

Not sure if this is exactly what you’re looking for.

Rando: hey X why are you so fat X: Because every time I have sex with your mom she makes me a sandwich

[–]Bobby_Schroedz 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat, she got flesh-eating bacteria and the doctor only gave her 43 years to live

Yo mama so fat, when she goes camping, the bears hide their food

[–]FreezerGalaxy 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Yo moma so dumb she fell out of a tree raking leaves.

[–][deleted] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Your Momma so ugly she has to sneak up on bathwater

[–]Omny87 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Yo mama's so poor when she goes to KFC, she's gotta lick other people's fingers

[–]spwiffle 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Ya mama's so old, her social security number is 7.

[–]Bronxand 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yo Mama's chest is so hairy her tits look like coconuts

[–]MomoTheSwift 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Your mama so poor she takes the trash in.

edit: typo

[–]wastedtime666 82 points83 points  (0 children)

Yo mama is so fat that she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

[–]KillTheViolent 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat she can only play Seek.

[–]thelonelywolf96 49 points50 points  (2 children)

yo momma so fat that when she sat on a rainbow skittles poured out.

[–]Mr_M00 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Yo momma so fat, she bleeds gravy.

[–]mastermindzeus 61 points62 points  (2 children)

Yo mama so fat, she has to wear six different watches: One for each time zone

Yo mama so fat that Dora can't even explore her

Yo mama so fat, she doent need the internet cause she is already worldwide.

Yo mama so ugly, her birth certificate is an aapology letter from a condom factory.

Yo mama so fat, when she sits on an iPhone, it becomes an iPad

Yo mama so ugly, she made an onion cry

Yo mama so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up

[–]AM_I_THE_ONLY_HUMAN 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so dumb and nasty we told her to do the robot and now R2-D2 has AIDS.

[–]OriginalIronDan 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat, when she walks across the room, the radio skips. Yo mama so fat, when she wears a red shirt, everyone yells “Hey, Kool-Aid!” Yo mama so fat, her dress labels say “Property of Barnum and Bailey.” Yo mama so fat, when she stepped into the ocean, Greenland went under water.

[–]TacosNZombies 36 points37 points  (1 child)

Yo momma so dumb she sold her car for gas money

[–]siskyline 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yo momma is so stupid she sold the TV to pay the cable bill

[–]FlyByFalcon 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat that she has smaller fat people orbiting her.

[–]LordJac 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Astrophysics is the study of massive objects like stars, galaxies and yo mama.

[–]teddytherooz 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Yo mama’s so nice, she’ll give you the hair right off her back.

Edit: How did I not put in “yo mama”?

[–]Stricklandcokane9321 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You’re momma so poor she was walking down the street with one shoe. When we asked if she lost one she said, “No, I found one.”

[–]littlechckens 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Heard being said to twins: Your Mum is so dumb she gave birth to you twice.

[–]StrawberryCandyGirl 10 points11 points  (0 children)

yo mama so poor she cant afford free samples

[–]Monkeyslave460 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Yo mamas so fat she put on platforms and took off flipflops.

[–]jon_cli 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yo mama's so stupid, she spent twenty minutes lookin' at an orange juice box because it said "concentrate"

[–]216horrorworks 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat that it seriously effects her self esteem.

[–]Shadowarrior64 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You mama so fat she broke the family tree

[–]AgainAndAgain_ 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yo momma so dumb she got hit by a parked car

[–]skullinflopshots 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yo Mama's so fat, when your daddy climbs on top his ears pop.

[–]Tackysackjones 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and squeezed a booger outta George Washington's nose.

[–]zachar3 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so stupid she sits on the TV and watches the couch

[–]trapdoor_tirade 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Your mother's breasts sag with such severity that the late, great surrealist artist Salvador Dali mistook them for clocks.

[–]Stevioso 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yo mama got 11 fingers and 15 toes and STILL can’t count to 26.

[–]slow_as_light 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Your mother is like means of production. Every worker gets a share.

[–]Losttide 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Yo mama so fat it takes her two loads to haul ass.

[–]Dedj_McDedjson 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Yo mama's so repulsive, NASA has her on speed-dial in case a meteor is heading to earth.

[–]BlueMountainsMajesty 15 points16 points  (0 children)

She puts ranch dressing on her aspirin.

[–]somewhat-damaged 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Your mama so fat she lives in two zip codes.

[–]Felix00108 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yo mamma's so fat, that when she jumped, I didn't wanna laugh, but the ground was cracking up!

[–]lost_james 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Your mama is so fat that Ben Kenobi said, "That's no moon. That's your mama".

[–]InkMatters 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yo mama is so fat her favorite color is ranch dressing.

[–]skylar-2 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat she thinks RGB is a sandwich.

[–]Shewhoisgroovy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yo mama's so fat, when she walks passed the TV I miss three commercials

[–]-pneumaric- 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Yo mama so fat she use a garbage bag for a sock

[–]McBeaster 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Yo mama's so fat she went bungee jumping and went straight to hell

[–]VolcanicOrange 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Your mama so ugly she turned Medusa to stone.

[–]MeoplePumble 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so butch, Chuck Norris posts facts about HER online!

[–]jamiemadrx 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your mamas teeth are so yellow, I can’t believe it’s not butter.

[–]mschnittman 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your mamas so old she pisses wine and farts dust.

[–]Sirquestgiver 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so ugly I needed to downgrade my graphics card to look at pictures of her!

[–]SirNumbnuts 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat, if she went to Italy, Rome would have 8 hills

[–]Forkliftdriver86 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yo mama teeth so big, that when she sneeze she bites her own chest.

[–]wtiithefok 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so dumb she went to a football gane to get her quarter back

[–]guyfromsoccer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your mama’s so ugly that when she was born, the doctor slapped...everybody!

[–]Sunfysh 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat she irons her pants on the driveway

[–]shnozdog 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yo mama's so nasty, when she takes off her underwear it sounds like velcro.

[–]TacosNZombies 9 points10 points  (4 children)

Yo momma is so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck

[–]Sanscosmic 26 points27 points  (14 children)

Your mama so black , she leaves fingerprints on charcoal

[–]1982throwaway1 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Your mama so fat I had to roll her in flour and find the wet spot.

[–]myles_cassidy 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Your mama so old she got a separate entrance for the black dicks.

[–]Youngilmour 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yo momma so fat she uses a boomerang to put her belt on.......

[–]Scotty627881 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Your mama so fat that she has a very high chance of an early death caused by her increased risk of developing Type 2 Diabetes

[–]COCKBLOKALYPSE 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yo momma's so fat she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops.

[–]TwainVonnegut 3 points4 points  (2 children)

“Yo mama’s got a glass eye wid’ a fish in it!”

The Pharcyde

[–]purdypainter[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ya mama's got a peg leg, wit a kick stand.

[–]Hippoyawn 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We rolled up to the drive in and she didn’t have to pay because we dressed her up to look just like a Chevrolet.

[–]FrostByte62 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Your mother is so stupid she couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel.

[–]MakeMeAmerican 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yo momma so fat it takes three buses and a train to get on her good side.

[–]Azel_dagger 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Your mama so ugly, her blowjobs count as anal.

[–]drksoft 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yo momma is so dumb, she went to the dentist to get bluetooth

[–]DogeDolan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat she sweats syrup and butter! She got a full time job at dennies wiping pancakes on her forehead.

[–]ITS_MAJOR_TOM_YO 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Your mama is mentally unstable because of all these jokes and she should really get some psychiatric help.

[–]13nevada 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat, when she walked in front of the TV I missed four episodes

[–]PatsFan7 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so bald when she wears a turtle neck she looks like a roll-on deodorant stick

[–]UndercoverFrog 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Me and my older brother were driving down the street on a clear February night when a snow plow passed us.

I was like "There's no snow out, what's he gonna plow?"

Before I could even register the situation, my brother yelled "Yo Mama!"

[–]graboidian 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yo mama so fat, she wore a Malcolm X T-shirt, and a helicopter almost landed on her.