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[–]VeniVidiVulva 2228 points2229 points  (42 children)

My mom signed up for "secret shopper" and was receiving like $3000 checks for Western Union which she was to deposit and then send a portion back as the process. Of course the first check bounced and she went negative on her bank account.

Before she realized it was a scam, she was asking me, "Why haven't you done this?? This is great!!" I said, "Mom, that really, really sounds like a scam, where did you sign up for this?" And she says, "Check in your spam folder in your email! You have to do it!" And she got belligerent when I told her absolutely not and that there's no way this is a valid business.

It was that week that the check bounced and she felt so stupid I didn't even have to say a word. She ended up having to borrow against her 401K to replace the lost funds.

[–]Monarch_of_Gold 514 points515 points  (10 children)

Just gonna say, there are tons of legit mystery shopper opportunities because businesses want to know how they're doing out in the field. Everyone acts different about a CEO, so why don't we get some plain clothes out here and see what they do? No legit company will make you deposit checks.

[–]TipJay 1314 points1315 points  (38 children)

A girl in my class thought you were supposed to measure from the "1" on the ruler, and that the zero was "only there because it looks better that way". At least I found out why all our calculations were getting messed up.

[–]Galaxy_Ranger_Bob 524 points525 points  (5 children)

I had to deal with someone who insisted that you had to always measure from the zero on a ruler. She was dumbfounded when I drew a perfect three inch square on a page by measuring from the 4 1/2 inch mark to the 7 1/2 inch mark. Until she measured it, she assumed that the square was 7 1/2" x 7 1/2"

[–]Bjw2nf 2319 points2320 points  (54 children)

In high school social studies class junior year the teacher pulled down a map of the world. The girl next to me asked me why all the maps only show that side of the world.

[–]michaelpaoli 1198 points1199 points  (13 children)

... Teacher then flips map over and says, "'Cause the other side of the world is blank."

[–]jesabele13 340 points341 points  (4 children)

Actually, when that happened in a Geography class here one of our teachers told the kids that it was just dark there. That's why they never looked at that side of the map.

Odds are the kid bought it.

[–]delightfullydemented 2146 points2147 points  (33 children)

I was training this woman at work, at the time I was in my late 20's she was in her mid 40's. She came in to work one day coughing and sneezing.

Me: "Are you all right? If you're not feeling well you should go home."

Her: "I'm sure it's nothing, just a little cough. Nothing like what my nephew has, he's got that nasty flu that's going around! I was at my sister's on the weekend and spent the whole time cuddling with him so he would feel better."

Me: "You have the flu. Go home."

Her: "Don't be silly! Adults can't catch the flu from kids! It's probably just allergies, I'll be fine!"

Me: "Go home right now. I don't want to get sick and I'm sure no one else here wants to be sick either!"

She went home and then called in sick for the rest of the week. When she came back she gave me her doctor's note stating that she had the flu.

[–]mom2cne 384 points385 points  (16 children)

Holy crap, do you work with my husband’s aunt? She said the exact same thing to me at Thanksgiving last year. She claimed “those little baby germs can’t make an adult sick”. She’s in her 60s and genuinely believed her whole life that adults got sick with full grown germs and babies and kids got infected with baby germs.

[–]derawin07 1620 points1621 points  (31 children)

During the eclipse someone I know warned everyone not to watch the eclipse online or on the television without the protective glasses.

She said she was emailing NASA to ask if it was safe first.

[–]Dexaan 1011 points1012 points  (12 children)

High WIS, low INT.

[–]naethn 295 points296 points  (8 children)

I didn’t think that was possible in real life

[–]PmMeFor-CHEAPART 2435 points2436 points  (57 children)

Some lady asked my friend about her kids ages. My friend replied, "This one is 8 and this one is 5." Then the lady proceeded to ask,"Are they twins?"

[–]boso271 1772 points1773 points  (29 children)

Mother with haunted look in her eyes: "yes"

[–]TheRealPainsaw 353 points354 points  (25 children)

Hypothetically, could you cryo freeze one twin, wait 3 years, and have one twin be 5 and the other 8?

[–]80000chorus 338 points339 points  (5 children)

That's just overcomplicating things. Just go into labor for three years straight.

[–]jimbobalob67 1761 points1762 points  (15 children)

Worked in a Sony Centre, guy comes in saying his alarm clock is broken, digits don’t change. I peel off the protective sticker on the LCD screen and hand it back to him, we both agreed he was thick as shit and got on with our days.

[–]lenachristina 643 points644 points  (2 children)

OK, he gets at least some credit for self-awareness...

[–]Max_Fenig 5493 points5494 points  (128 children)

Having lunch, about 15 years ago, on the job site. Guy on my crew leans over to me and says "Hey, can you keep a secret?"

"Uh, sure."

"My wife is in touch with this bank manager in Nigeria that she met on the internet. They have all this money left over from accounts of people who died without next of kin. And they need to get rid of it, because it's a big problem for their paperwork..."

Facepalm.

"Don't tell me you gave them your banking information Tyler..."

He did.

[–]anomalous_cowherd 2101 points2102 points  (19 children)

They wouldn't keep doing it if it didn't catch someone every so often...

[–]RandomName01 601 points602 points  (8 children)

True, but you'd never expect it's someone you know. Except for Tyler, of course.

[–]hrakkari 414 points415 points  (2 children)

I’d stop being friends with Tyler but I get $20 every time I see him and tell him I need cab fare to see my dying aunt in Jersey. He’s putting my son through college.

[–]RandomName01 162 points163 points  (1 child)

He’s a better man than he knows.

[–]DomioDude 150 points151 points  (30 children)

Why are they always from Nigeria

[–]genida 46 points47 points  (4 children)

When I was on a book-about-criminals streak I read that many of them actually aren't, and most of them don't even live there.

Amsterdam, for instance, is the home of a lot of scammers targeting people in... well, any countries within quick traveling distance. People would actually travel, with cash, to Amsterdam, and get scammed in person.

[–]sindhichhokro 188 points189 points  (31 children)

I know its a scam. But I do not know how they get away with money without account holder's consent? Can someone explain?

[–]JG1991 405 points406 points  (18 children)

They DO get the consent. The thing is, they start by promising this amazing deal where you'll get millions of dollars in exchange for some paperwork. Then, they need a "transaction fee", then they need some money to bribe the right people, then they need more money because something went wrong... people have been bled dry through this, actually agreeing to transfer hundreds of thousands of dollars and going bankrupt, because "the money will be here next week".

It's still a scam, but technically they have consent and so they can get the money. And since they can't really be traced, you can't catch them and get it back.

[–]captainJmorgan 154 points155 points  (16 children)

And since they can't really be traced, you can't catch them and get it back.

I fell for a scam on Craigslist when I was 17. My parents gave me $5k after they sold the house so I could buy a car. They were getting divorced so they didn’t have time for me and they just trusted me to be smart.

I wired someone I never met 4800 dollars for a Scion tC without doing any verification. I feel like such an idiot when i think about it, but I just came to the realization over 10 years later that a car isn’t life changing and neither is 4800 dollars.

Anyway, back to the point. I did everything I could think of to get my money back. I filed complaints with the BBB, notifying the FTC and even went as far to call a distant cousin who works for the FBI to get my money back.

Nothing happened for years until I got a letter in the mail. I guess it was on ongoing thing with western union and it was an inside job. Millions of dollars stolen. I get yearly updates on the guy that went to prison for it. It’s very satisfying.

I eventually got two checks back when I was 20. One for 1100 dollars and the other for 450. I got some well needed money back at a time when I was desperate.

[–]funobtainium 95 points96 points  (1 child)

This is forgivable because you were 17 and naive.

I'm so angry at the scams that target elderly people who are, well, maybe not naive exactly, but inclined to trust people skilled at manipulating the vulnerable.

[–]Needless-To-Say 149 points150 points  (10 children)

The original scam involved you depositing a check in your account. After waiting a month or so, the account balance is still there and you start to get excited. They ask you to transfer a small portion of the amount via bank transfer and allow you to keep the rest. After 60-90 days, the check bounces and your account balance is adjusted. Everything you transferred is gone.

There are many many flavors of this scam. People want to believe so they ignore the warning signs.

[–]JG1991 187 points188 points  (7 children)

And what did you tell him about that? How much did he end up losing?

[–]pentac22 917 points918 points  (14 children)

‘Wow, look at all those oranges growing in the field’

They were pumpkins.

[–]talktothehan 1312 points1313 points  (45 children)

My boss told me “they” should really send some rain to California (when she overheard a couple of us discussing the then ten-year drought). I asked her what she meant thinking she had misheard or misunderstood our conversation.

Nope. Too much credit given.

She told us “they” could control the weather and should just send some rain clouds to California. She doubled-down when she wondered aloud why “they” even made hurricanes anymore.

[–]naethn 638 points639 points  (11 children)

Your boss is either an annunaki high lord or a reptilian under master, either way she knows

[–]Wishingwurm 88 points89 points  (5 children)

Honestly, if you Humans can't control your own planet's weather by now, don't expect us to bail you out. "Please take over our planet," you said. "Please control the weather and keep the crops perfect and we'll work in your mines and promises, promises, promises..." Then suddenly it's all "Stop genetically modifying us against our will" and rebellion everywhere and honestly I don't blame the Ancient Ones for moving to the Hollow Earth for some PEACE. If you think we Reptilians are gonna bail you out of your little drought now, you're sadly mistaken.

[–]rosietherosebud 241 points242 points  (21 children)

Guy I was dating thought his car air conditioner didn't work. I noticed the snowflake button wasn't on and asked him if he used it. He said no, thought I was a genius. He also didn't know that the heating came from the heat in the engine. Again thought I was a genius. (We only dated a couple months.)

[–]renoCow 2925 points2926 points  (80 children)

My sister still believes that purchasing an airline ticket requires driving to the airport, parking the car, waiting in line at the ticket counter, and buying the ticket.

I keep telling her that since she owns a smartphone, she can shave an hour off this process

[–]pasterfordin 524 points525 points  (3 children)

Definitely easier with a smartphone. Your Uber saves you all the hassle of parking at the airport.

[–]funkywinkerbean45 718 points719 points  (19 children)

And probably a bunch of money!

[–]HardyTM[🍰] 153 points154 points  (16 children)

At the Spirit counter, you'll get $40 bucks off the ticket price if you buy at the counter. I used to live next to the DFW airport, and that's what we did and it always beat internet prices.

No clue why, but it's 100% true.

[–]gregspornthrowaway 308 points309 points  (6 children)

The scariest part of this is that there is a line to wait in.

[–]Z______ 57 points58 points  (1 child)

To be fair most of that line is people checking in baggage.

[–]TheBallotInYourBox 897 points898 points  (30 children)

Old story, but I felt the urge to "wash the dumb off me" after listening to this...

"I believe the solution to unemployment and mad cow disease is to pay one person to follow behind one cow around with a trash bag to catch their poo."

[–]Aksi_Gu 661 points662 points  (7 children)

That's not even a "swing and a miss" moment.

That's just an egregious misunderstanding of all elements involved.

[–]Thatsadumbidea 80 points81 points  (3 children)

Who is paying for that? Farmers? The government? It would have to be a big bag too.

[–]Macabalony 2345 points2346 points  (79 children)

Dental student. Extracted a tooth and went through post op instructions. One of the instructions is to not smoke because the pressure used to suck pulls out the clot.

See the same patient 2 days later with 12/10 pain. They had dry socket. When asked if they followed the directions, they said yes they didn't smoked they only Vaped.

[–]FroggiJoy87 278 points279 points  (5 children)

Oh shit, it's been 15 years and I now realize why I got dry sockets after I got my wisdom teeth out. Not smoking, I was like 14, but after the procedure my mom made me milk and protein shakes for a few days after and served them in my favorite cup that had a plastic straw through the lid. They never told us that pressure can do that! Shit, they didn't even go over the idea of dry sockets to begin with. A week or so after the procedure and I started eating solids again, I started getting this constant horrible taste in my mouth, so bad I couldn't eat for like 3 days. Look in a mirror and "holy shit there's two holes in my jaw!". Yeah, not the best doctor.

I tell my mom almost everything, but I will never tell her this.

[–]heartbrokebonebroke 2484 points2485 points  (17 children)

An older adult relative asked if he could use the hot water in the kitchen sink, and we all said yes. It was a double sink, and the left sink had canning supplies in it where we were making jam. He moved the faucet to the left side of the sink over the canning stuff. We were like, wait, no, not on our canning stuff, and he was like you said I could use the hot water.

He thought you only got hot water if the faucet was swung over the left side of the sink. He was in his 70s.

[–]iamacinnamonroll 450 points451 points  (11 children)

What kind of sink does your relative have? Does he use the sink at all?

[–]heartbrokebonebroke 709 points710 points  (9 children)

A regular double-basin kitchen sink. He is one of those older men with zero home skills because his wife does everything for him.

[–]DuckFonald 219 points220 points  (6 children)

We were learning about medieval siege tactics in my history class. One girl raises her hand and asks, “Why didn’t they just fly airplanes over and drop people in?”

Whole class erupted. I haven’t seen someone turn redder in my life

[–]seigneur101 2090 points2091 points  (62 children)

Oh oh oh, I just thought of another one.

Again, my brother and I are identical twins.

We were going to Las Vegas, and we stopped somewhere in a Wal-Mart, probably in Arizona (Phoenix I wanna say, but whatever).

This guy, he must've been 60 or 65 or whatever, he started insulting us because he thought we were a gay couple.

How your first assumption of two identical twins is that they're a gay couple is way beyond me.

[–]michaelpaoli 833 points834 points  (12 children)

There must be some gay porn for that that he's watched far too much of.

[–]pm_me_recipies_girl 200 points201 points  (21 children)

Met a lady years ago the believed Jesus wrote the bible...

Yeah, so there's that.

[–]MMMLG 1084 points1085 points  (44 children)

My aunt looks away when the TV shows someone welding.

[–]Lietenantdan 333 points334 points  (2 children)

Buy her a welder helmet for when someone is welding on TV

[–]LaidUp 437 points438 points  (20 children)

What channel does she watch that this occurs that much lol

[–]Ayayoska 869 points870 points  (53 children)

when people asked me "are there any movie theaters and cars in Mexico?"

[–]mikeyvm_ 865 points866 points  (45 children)

“Is there really milk in the milky way?”

[–]Aksi_Gu 1116 points1117 points  (5 children)

Looks in fridge

Yup.

[–]shitposter2100 65 points66 points  (8 children)

Well is there?

[–]FalseAesop 206 points207 points  (5 children)

Technically yes. There is milk on Earth, Earth is in the Milky Way Galaxy. So there is indeed milk in the Milky Way.

[–]Korgex12 208 points209 points  (7 children)

I mean, there is because earth is in the milky way and mammals have milk...

So, technically, there is milk in the milky way, but still, that's a pretty dumb question...

[–]StrawberryCandyGirl 848 points849 points  (35 children)

"happy birthday America- youre 2018 years old"

[–]semiloki 2657 points2658 points  (80 children)

"It's still dead."

She was 17. She overfed a goldfish. She honestly thought if she left it alone for an hour it'd come back to life. I had to explain to some who was almost old enough to vote that death is permanent.

[–]dadbrain 1986 points1987 points  (25 children)

Possibly in her life she had killed many goldfish, her parents had replaced them, and told her the goldfish just got better.

[–]Online_Host 688 points689 points  (11 children)

Username fits

[–]dadbrain 349 points350 points  (10 children)

It does, but I personally wouldn't advocate doing this.

[–]ExcessiveBritishness 511 points512 points  (13 children)

"Its dead" "Oh. Was it fatal?" "Yes sir" "How fatal?" "Completely sir" "Can I talk to him?" "No. He's dead sir"

[–]RubbrBbyBggyBmpr 117 points118 points  (1 child)

Maybe it was still charging

[–]ADillPickle 3160 points3161 points  (54 children)

The other day I was zoned out of a conversation about movies and I heard the name “Will Smith” and immediately I say “Oh yeah, he plays the black guy”.

I’m never gonna live that down.

[–]LouieTheWrench 905 points906 points  (22 children)

It's not your fault. Over the course of his career Hollywood really pigeonholed him, now he constantly gets typecast as the black guy.

[–]LorenzoStomp 247 points248 points  (0 children)

Good catch

[–]DataEast1 2107 points2108 points  (88 children)

In Biology/Health class.

"If people are addicted to these drugs, why don't they just stop taking them?"

[–]BborDarb 1416 points1417 points  (15 children)

Damn. Can't argue with that logic.

[–]HippyWizard 2184 points2185 points  (75 children)

Co-worker 1: "oh a goose, I'm gonna see if I can touch it" Co-worker 2: "I wouldn't do that if I was you Canadian Geese are mean!" Co-worker 1: "it's not a Canadian goose this is America!" Me: facepalm

[–]derawin07 493 points494 points  (21 children)

haha

correct that to all geese are mean. They make good guard animals.

[–]Youngilmour 4339 points4340 points  (99 children)

"If i could find a country that didn't let any immigrants in i'd move there...."

[–]UtilitarianRisotto 1267 points1268 points  (81 children)

While this is a ridiculous statement, I have met some people so stupid and arrogant that it never crosses their mind that if they were to go to a different country to live, they would become an immigrant. This is especially true in the UK where I live since there is an “expat” culture. I hear Brits bitching about migrants here when they themselves live and work in Thailand, Malta, Australia, the USA etc... They seem to think that their host country is happy to have them since they are British which is largely not true anymore, and anyway that would in no way make them less of an immigrant.

[–]EsQuiteMexican 695 points696 points  (40 children)

They seem to think that their host country is happy to have them since they are British which is largely not true anymore

When has it ever been true? I mean, I love the UK, but I can't think of a time in history when anyone said "hey, the British are moving in, something good is going to happen!".

[–]UtilitarianRisotto 205 points206 points  (26 children)

In my home country of Malta, the British were historically welcomed with open arm. I assume it was similar in many commonwealth countries and some developing countries that realised that they brought in much needed money. As the rest of the world has pretty much caught up the UK, this is not really relevant anymore so now they are just like every other immigrant, but ironically usually less willing to integrate.

[–]goes_bump_inthenight 1946 points1947 points  (147 children)

"I don't believe in dinosaurs."

Not particularly religious or anything, just did not think dinosaurs were real. Saw them on the same level as the Tooth Fairy and shit.

[–]Cerberus_RE 278 points279 points  (18 children)

I had this exact conversation with a coworker a few months ago. Just didnt like the idea of them

[–]goes_bump_inthenight 397 points398 points  (15 children)

I like to do that with people:

"Hey can you do the dishes?"

"Oh no I don't believe in dishes."

"...like you just put everything in the dishwasher?"

"No I just don't believe in dishes."

[–]Aksi_Gu 603 points604 points  (44 children)

Saw them on the same level as the Tooth Fairy

Fucking what? For some reason this really stands out as dumb af for me.

You can literally go to museums and see their skeletons.

[–]Lobobster 1051 points1052 points  (16 children)

That's awful. The Tooth Fairy's skeleton shouldn't be on display like that.

[–]hrakkari 417 points418 points  (8 children)

Well then they shouldn’t have been neutral during WW2.

[–]pricilla_vanilla 1216 points1217 points  (37 children)

"Isn't Ice Cube that one guy who was in the one movie where he was in the KKK" and "Why do they call it MLK day when Michael Kors is only MK?". Love her to death, but what the fuck.

[–]Armands007 360 points361 points  (11 children)

Ice Cube

KKK

What the actual fuck?

[–]DougieWougie 279 points280 points  (5 children)

His first album was "AmeriKKKa's Most Wanted", maybe that's where they're getting muddled up.

[–]pockyhockeysticks 175 points176 points  (2 children)

Or the opening scene to Bad Boys 2 where they bust a KKK meeting. Probably confused the Cube for Will Smith or Martin Laurence.

[–]lurkercompelled2post 718 points719 points  (21 children)

This happened the other night. I was driving my boyfriend home from work when he sees two different light sets in the sky.

"LOOK, PLANETS!" he exclaimed. He excitedly looked out the window to try to get a better view through the trees. I work in the airline industry so I had to suppress my chuckling as I informed him those were two different planes lining up for the airport runway with their landing lights on.

Yet he persisted, "No, lurkercompelled2post, those are PLANETS. I think I'd know Saturn and Venus. They're not moving!" Again I explained how it was a matter of perspective. The lights looked that way because the planes were oncoming. As soon as the car angled differently on the road we'd start to see the nav lights and tail. Anyway, if planets were that close to earth and that low on the horizon at 11pm it would be astrological news.

He wouldn't have it though, he was legitimately offended that I had no belief. As we rounded the curb in the road the orbs of light did reveal themselves as planes. His reaction? "Shut up."

Wanted to ask him if he thought satellites were stars too.

Edit: "Astronomy," whoopsie daisy!

[–]Ilunibi 417 points418 points  (2 children)

Haha, that reminds me of a story my half-brother told me about our dad.

They'd all gone to go stargazing during a meteor shower--him, our brother, our dad, and his mom--and there was a guy who was kind of a pompous ass who was stargazing at the same spot. He kept trying to impress my brother's mom in a flirty, annoying way that our dad kept ignoring.

Up until he pointed at a light in the sky and said, "And THAT'S Jupiter."

Jupiter then proceeded to speed behind a cloud and vanish from sight.

To which my dad responds, "Ah, yes. Jupiter, the fastest of the planets."

[–]TheBloatedGoat 156 points157 points  (4 children)

My roommate was cooking a bag of rice, looked at me and while being totally serious and asked "hey man, 90 seconds is 3 minutes right?" I just gave him a funny look and slowly shook my head no.

[–]olkion 1310 points1311 points  (51 children)

"Why are you learning sign language if you're not deaf? You're hurting Jesus."

[–]Rough_Cut 1500 points1501 points  (14 children)

Jesus: Oof, my bones. Someone must be learning sign language again.

[–]SoulLess-1 384 points385 points  (16 children)

Thats one of the most nonsensical ways to use Jesus i've ever read.

[–]Silentarian 336 points337 points  (2 children)

Why are you learning sign language if you’re not deaf?

Ah ok, that’s kind of stupid, but I could kind of see how—

You’re hurting Jesus

The fuck?

[–]weedful_things 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Most of the other things people posted I can see some sort of logic, but this one doesn't even follow.

[–]Toasterfire 446 points447 points  (13 children)

I'm working in Windsor Castle over to summer. It's a fantastic job, and I was in a room with a few paintings and stuff in it. An American family come along, they've got two kids that are probably less than 10 so they're sort of struggling to be interested- anyone who's been dragged along a big stately house and it's gone on a little too long will sympathise.
So I ask them if they can spot the dragon in the room. Kids love dragons, so they perk up, don't notice the painting behind them. Turns out they've never heard of St George and the dragon, which I think it's fantastic that I'm the first person to tell them to classic story. So I tell them the legend, the father thanks me, the kids are smiling and much more interested and I tell them to watch out for a couple of things later they might me interested in. It was great.
The mother then asks me if the story was based on anything. An excellent question! So I tell her about how St George was a Roman from modern turkey who got killed, and how there's lots of dragon slaying myths in Europe and around the Mediterranean. She says so it wasn't based on a battle or anything, I say no but good guess.
She then asks "So when was the last dragon killed in England then?" and is very confused when I tell her dragons have never existed.

[–]psyduckheadache 308 points309 points  (17 children)

'Is Antarctica in Europe?'

[–]Nixconvie 676 points677 points  (26 children)

Someone I knew tried to save money on car petrol by using cooking oil.

It didn't work and it certainly did not save him money.

Edit Word: (Not the biodiesel thing, just plain cooking oil)

Edit 2: His car ran on unleaded fuel, unfortunately.

[–]Paranoidas 884 points885 points  (36 children)

A few years ago I was working at a pizza place, stocking the soda. A middle-aged woman came in, took a glance at the tv on top of the cooler, saw some men with guns, and said "Ugghh, we should just kill them all."

I calmly responded "Ma'am, that's America. It's the White House. They had a bomb threat."

[–]evferch 713 points714 points  (19 children)

Her vote counts as much as yours.

[–]stalinskatya 1520 points1521 points  (109 children)

My friend: "So, my parents want to move to Australia"

Me: "Damn, that's pretty far away" (we live in Europe)

Her: "Not really, weren't they gonna join the European Union?"

Me: "Uhm... you mean Australia, the continent?"

Her: "Yeah, my dad said they would join the E.U." (????)

Me: "Do you.. know which continent our country is in?"(we're from Spain)

Her: "Yeah, Spain."

Me: "No, I meant the continent. Spain is the country"

Her: "Isn't it Spain? How the fuck am I supposed to know, my highschool geography teacher sucks lol"

Me: "But you learned the continents in elementary school?!?!"

She got mad at me and refused to talk to me for a few days because "I was making fun of her". Yeah, we're no longer friends.

[–]RaggySparra 556 points557 points  (31 children)

I'm assuming she heard about them joining the Eurovision and got confused...

[–]El_John_Nada 268 points269 points  (14 children)

During Brexit debates, I've seen people being genuinely more concerned about the possibility of being kicked out of the eurovision or of the European championship of football than, you know, the risk of an economic collapse for the country. People can be very stupid sometimes.

[–]iamacinnamonroll 253 points254 points  (13 children)

what was this kid doing in school

has she seen a map before

[–]TrekkieGod 298 points299 points  (6 children)

has she seen a map before

So, many years ago I was in high school Model UN just hanging out with the other members. One of them was looking at the map in the wall and suddenly, out of the blue, screams incredulously, "China is in Asia???"

So the answer might be no.

[–]Rough_Cut 176 points177 points  (25 children)

I also had a good laugh at one of my friends who thought Australia was in Europe. We figured out he was thinking of Austria, which i guess is understandable. He's an international student from Nigeria who said they don't really teach geography in their school system.

[–]stalinskatya 95 points96 points  (18 children)

Haha I was thinking the same, turns out my friend also believed Mexico is a city in Spain, Portugal isn't a country, and New Zealand is a continent.

[–]doktorknow 643 points644 points  (45 children)

My buddy and I were talking about Wyoming and his girlfriend chimed in with, "lots of good hunting in Wyoming. "

"I've heard that too."

"Lots of jackelope there. "

We laugh. She doesn't.

She then went on to tell us how her dad used to go to Wyoming to hunt jackelope. We asked if she meant antelope and she told us no, they are rabbits with antlers.

She is like 40 years old and legit thinks jackelope are a real thing. Her dad might have had one of those fake ones and trolled her but to think she's gone all this time thinking it was real...

[–]goatywizard 98 points99 points  (7 children)

My family went to Colorado & South Dakota (we’re from MA) when I was 8. I was OBSESSED with jackelopes and of course everyone played along that they were real. They were everywhere! How could they not be real? Toward the end of our trip, my dad broke the news to me that there was in fact no antlered rabbit and it was all an elaborate joke. I was utterly heart broken and betrayed. More than 20 years later and he says that’s still the worst he’s ever felt as a parent.

[–]99Cricket99 951 points952 points  (32 children)

College History of Western Civ class girl asks, “wait, who was Hitler? Was he important or something?” This was halfway through a unit on WWII.

One person in class asked what everyone was thinking while being too stunned to actually ask: “are you serious?”

The professor asked her to see him after class. We never saw her in that class again.

[–]Melcolloien 660 points661 points  (16 children)

This reminds me of when I was 15 and had made a school project on buddhism and as I was talking one of if the guys in the class sighed loudly and in a mocking tone said "Nirvana is a band!"

I started explaining again and he just gets angry and says something like "Stupid asians stealing everything!" our teacher was fed up here and told him to shut up and, I remember her "can you believe this idiot" tone, explained that buddhism is waay older than the rockband and that the band took the name from buddhism and not the other way around... I loved that teacher

[–]99Cricket99 280 points281 points  (9 children)

Some people’s kids. This is why, as a teacher, I frequently remind kids to think before they speak and to thoroughly research facts. The stupid hurts sometimes.

[–]MattyGGNoRe 381 points382 points  (21 children)

I was in this quiz bowl type club in high school and one of the questions was “What state has the biggest border with Canada?” And someone responded “Florida”.

[–]Dedloli 124 points125 points  (10 children)

In college, a girl seriously asked the modern history teacher who won World War II. To make matters worse, she looked genuinely surprised when hearing the answer.

[–]seigneur101 670 points671 points  (35 children)

My brother and I are identical twins.

Every now and then you get the old "are you guys twins?" bit. That's fine.

Sometimes it's, "are you guys brothers?". That's fine too.

Once at school, we were walking side by side and chatting. Someone stops us and asks, "do you guys know each other?".

[–]BuffaloBuckbeak 91 points92 points  (7 children)

I have a friend who has an older brother and a younger brother, and all three of them look nearly identical. One day my friend stopped by her work with her younger brother in tow. A few days later, her older brother hitched a ride and someone asked if he thought it was weird that his sister was dating someone that looked just like him. They refused to believe that the three of them were related until she pulled up some family pictures on Facebook.

[–]derawin07 1502 points1503 points  (99 children)

During the big hurricane season recently in the US, a 70 year old woman said:

"I just found out that hurricanes do not have a gender identity! They are not 'male' or 'female' they are just ascribed a name that alternates between male and female".

Face palm.

[–]anomalous_cowherd 520 points521 points  (30 children)

No, no, they fly out to them while they are still mid-ocean and just forming and ask them which they prefer.

[–]noob35746 433 points434 points  (24 children)

EXCUSE ME HURRICANE! WHICH GENDER DO YOU IDENTIFY AS?!

[–]RandomName01 400 points401 points  (11 children)

What if hurricanes only destroy stuff when they're misgendered and we're just really bad at guessing their genders?

[–]BadNewsBarbearian 150 points151 points  (16 children)

This just inspired me to make a porn movie called Hericane.

[–]PandeanPanic 555 points556 points  (13 children)

I've said this before but it's always what comes to my mind:

We're talking about the Malaysian Airline that went missing in 2014 during some off-time in class and one girl says "Yeah, the poor people in Puerto Rico must be devastated"

Confused, we asked her what she meant and she said "Malaysia is in Puerto Rico, you know, off the coast of Mexico?"

At this point, just to fuck around with her, me and my friend ask "Jackie, what are the seven continents?"

Without missing a beat she responded "North America, Mexico, South America, North Africa, South Africa, Britain, and Europe."

I'd love to think she was just joking but she also would say to anyone that listened that she didn't need high school because she was going to become a waitress and her (very unstable) boyfriend would take care of her.

[–]b1kerguy 351 points352 points  (13 children)

Talking to a co-worker when it became clear she didn't know what she was talking about

Me: "do you know the difference between Fahrenheit and celcius?"

Her: "yes, Fahrenheit is for hot and celcius is for cold"

She was in her late 20s

[–]AviatingPenguin24 239 points240 points  (6 children)

From a coworker. "the only reason Mexicans want Pacquiao to win (vs Mayweather) is because the Phillipines border Mexico.

That was just one in a long line of things.

Another example, same guy." When you drink water you have to drink two bottles because you just piss the first one out"

[–]garlickbread 538 points539 points  (27 children)

Older sister is adamant she saw a flamingo in Canada, in the wild.

Same older sister saw a handicapped parking space and asked, “whats so special about them? I can sit on a toilet too.”

[–]LilithAkaTheFirehawk 112 points113 points  (10 children)

Where I live, a red panda escaped from the local zoo and hasn't been found, but has been sighted. I live in the south US. 90% sure your sister is an idiot, but there's a small chance she could have seen an escaped illegal pet or zoo animal.

Either way, thinking about it is funny.

[–]Kissarmy40 322 points323 points  (11 children)

A girl in high school asked "why don't we take out the plates to stop earthquakes?"

[–]TheAGolds 131 points132 points  (4 children)

"If you like, just put the plates in the dishwasher or something, they'd be clean and wouldn't grind as much."

[–]Toasterferret 405 points406 points  (33 children)

Patient: "I'm allergic to epinephrine, it causes me to go into anaphylactic shock"

Me: Sigh

[–]cpaca0 226 points227 points  (4 children)

For people who don't know, epinephrine is Adrenaline.

[–]abcq02 89 points90 points  (4 children)

Ever notice how, when the thermometer goes up, it gets really hot outside?

[–]imbyath 96 points97 points  (7 children)

My friend thought that females (humans) can change sex into males and have sperm. My other friend who we were with was also shocked when I told her that definitely isn't possible.

[–]WoollyMuffler 501 points502 points  (13 children)

Locked his keys in the car two days in a row.

It may or may not have been me.

[–]Shostakovich22 1045 points1046 points  (73 children)

I have posted about my stepsister on Reddit before, but she's too dumb not to share it again. It would take a while to name every insane belief she has, so I'll only name a few. I also think it's important to mention that she homeschools her kids.

  1. Vaccines cause autism and parents who give their kids vaccines don't love them enough to spare them from the pain vaccines cause.

  2. People who have kids with disabilities are being punished by God for not being a good Christian.

  3. You can't get HIV from vaginal sex. In line with that, she believes all gay people have or will have HIV at some point.

  4. She believes that the KKK "has it's place in America" (exact words) and races shouldn't mix.

  5. Stay at home dads are just doing it in order to find moms to have an affair with. They also aren't real men.

  6. Gay parents are only parenting to give them easy access to kids that they can molest. She lives near a gay couple who has kids around her kids' ages but doesn't let them play together because she thinks the parents are child molesters.

I don't talk to her. My kids are vaccinated, my youngest son is mixed race, my wife is a teacher, and we are good friends with gay parents. She is very vocal about her beliefs and I couldn't take it anymore. She lives far away from me, but very close to my mom and sister. My sister just had a baby in May and is keeping her distance. She really is that stupid.

[–]naethn 383 points384 points  (14 children)

Who married her and why

[–]stug_life 364 points365 points  (18 children)

  1. People who have kids with disabilities are being punished by God for not being a good Christian.

As a Christian this part makes me like cross eyed angry. There’s literally a story in the Bible where a disabled man comes to Jesus and religious elite asked him “who sinned so that he would be born this way; him or his parents” and Jesus said “neither he was born this way so that the glory of God can be revealed in him” and then Jesus healed him.

This whole post makes me think your step sister is less christian more Nazi.

[–]ZelpherXeis 768 points769 points  (37 children)

Had to put my story in.

Girl I know calls me up in a full on panic. Tells me she thinks she's pregnant. I ask her what happened. She tells me her boyfriend did her in her butt and he came inside.

I fell silent for a moment before asking her how her digestive system was connected to her reproductive one.

Her response? They're both down there. Come on man that's basic stuff. She was 33 at the time.

[–]hasyourattention 256 points257 points  (10 children)

I'm sure you are serious, but why the hell did she call YOU?

Edit: Let me clarify, wouldn't the first reponse be to google it, seek a doctor, or make a trip to the pharmacy? Did her partner not know how getting pregnant works either? I have so many questions!

[–]DrSeuzz 1676 points1677 points  (58 children)

“I hate that now that we’ve finally gotten buffalo back to a respectable number, places like Buffalo Wild Wings just come out of the woodwork and clip their wings.”

“Uh, Shelly, you do know that that’s wrong on so many levels, right?”

“THATS WHAT IM SAYING ZAK! It’s to the point where I haven’t even seen a single buffalo with wings in my lifetime and we live in South Dakota!”

She was dead serious.

[–]Coldpiss 709 points710 points  (19 children)

What. I've never thought I'll meet someone who's complaining about cutting buffalo wings. Does she even know how dangerous flying buffalos are. Does she even know how many plane crashes happened because of flying buffaloes. We lost so many people because planes kept crashing into buffaloes up in the sky. And it's not only dangerous for people, but also the buffaloes, you didn't think they survive plane crashes , did you.

Flying buffalo herds kept wandering off in commercial flights Airspace and by the time they see it coming they were already dead. They can't fly fast enough to manoeuvre, have you seen buffalo wings, it's a miracle they can fly with them , let alone flying fast enough to get out of the way of an airplane.

In the end government officials had to act fast to guarantee the safety of both species. And the most humane solution was to cut their wings.

So whenever you eat some buffalo wings just remember you're not only enjoying some delicious food you're also protecting both buffaloes and human lifes. It's a win win situation.

[–]word2yamoms 249 points250 points  (14 children)

When i was in college this guy that lived down the hall from me asked to borrow my can opener. He takes it, and returns a few minutes later confused. He says, "dude i put it on the can but it isnt turning".

It was a manual can opener.

[–]stylinchilibeans 172 points173 points  (19 children)

A guy I work with was claiming a nearby town was so stupid because on their sign for "Twelth" street, they put an F in it and spelled it "Twelfth." I had to use Google to convince him of the proper speeling.

[–]knightofdight 245 points246 points  (7 children)

Well, this one guy accidentally sent out an emergency message warning a state of impending nuclear annihilation.

[–]Laratez 79 points80 points  (14 children)

Girl in my job interview today announced she'd killed her dog by feeding it a full large bar of chocolate.

[–]egnards 594 points595 points  (36 children)

I had a coworker who was working with special needs students in a one-to-one environment tell me that he didn't believe in evolution. Now I know he believes in God but he isn't exactly a religious man so I asked him about it and he simply told me "Well they say we evolved from monkeys and I don't look anything like a monkey so I don't believe in evolution." At that point it was my lunch break and I just didn't want to deal with it anymore.

[–]LorenzoStomp 472 points473 points  (16 children)

I used to work in a residential facility and one of my coworkers told me that she didn't like cats because they were the animal most easily possessed by demons. As proof, she told me about how her family's cat used to ask in English to be let out. It took basically all I had to not respond with, "Oh, what did it say? Was it 'Me out? Me out?'"

[–]eblingdp 141 points142 points  (10 children)

Had a coworker ask me if I'd ever gotten "B-12 shot."

I said, no, I've never had that one, but...

Then proceeded to talk about my favorite shots, and how my current Red Bull addiction stemmed from my drinking days and too many Jager bombs

After a while he was like, "dude, a B-12 shot is an immunization you get at the doctor, not a drink."

Fuck

[–]Anastik 838 points839 points  (71 children)

My step sister had just come out as a lesbian. This was about ten years ago. My step mom was furious. I talked to her to see if I could understand what her thoughts were and why she was so mad.

But when she said, “This while gay thing is just a fad that’s been around for the past fifty years,” I lost a lot of respect for her. She was being dead serious, too. I then explained to her that homosexuality had been around for quite sometime but she was still skeptical.

This made me think of the quote: “You’re entitled to your own opinion but you aren’t entitled to your own facts.” Sadly, I see the opposite of this becoming more and more prevalent.

But I’ll never forget thinking to myself that there is someone out there in this world that thinks homosexuality is something new to society.

[–]LadySmuag 965 points966 points  (32 children)

My mother confided in me that she was excited for my sister to 'come out as trans' and that she had been thinking of boy names for her.

My sister is ace, and I've never heard her express dissatisfaction with her biological sex.

So it turns out that she heard of 'the spectrum of sexuality', my sister told her that she was asexual, and my mother put that together and decided that asexuality was the first step, then being a lesbian, and then finally you become trans. Like a fucked up Pokemon evolution.

Also she picked out some terrible names.

[–]CorruptedRainbow 322 points323 points  (1 child)

That is fucking hilarious. I mean, it's terrible and I have no idea how she got that idea, but I just laughed so hard.

[–]Atryuki 222 points223 points  (13 children)

Reminds me of the vine "Hey, I'm lesbian"

"I thought you were American"

[–]ProfHead 306 points307 points  (17 children)

After moving to the US (Kentucky)for college after spending my formative years on military bases overseas, mostly in England, I went on a date with a promisingly cute girl.

PCG: “So, you lived in England, huh? Like, what language do they speak there?”

Me: Lol

PCG: Confused look

Me: “Oh, God, you’re serious.”

[–]penut44544 196 points197 points  (4 children)

I finally have an answer! I used to work with a girl as housekeeping at a hotel. I wanna say she was at least 19 or 20 years old. Well, she was quitting because she was switching from a community college to a four year school that was down south from us. This is important, I promise. Anyways, she went and got highlights put in her hair amd she HATED them. So she tried stripping the color out and it didn't work and she just kept complaining. One day I overheard her talking to someone on the phone asking if your hair grows out the same color you dye it... It gets worse. She spent hours in my bosses office talking about how her hair was stuck this color because it was permenant. She literally thought her hair would continue to grow that color. Nobody could convince her otherwise and she decided she couldn't go to college because of her hair..... This ia literally only a snippet of the conversation. It went on for hours. I wonder about her.

[–]AsexualNinja 499 points500 points  (32 children)

Last week an idiot that I have the misfortune of encountering regularly, despite my best efforts, was going on that voting is "the most important need that a person has."

A sane person responded to her by saying "I think food and shelter are the basic needs everyone has."

She proceeded to say that only "unwoke people" would ever put being able to eat and having a place to sleep "Above something important like voting."

I'm gonna stay unwoke and not starve myself to death, then.

[–]Dr_Victorious_ 66 points67 points  (10 children)

On a plane on our way to space camp in America (I'm from Australia), was placed next to a girl from the year below me and as we were taking off she was surprised to see it was sunny above the clouds. She then asked me why it wasn't raining above the clouds -_-, spent the next 13 hours with her continuous stupid questions like "how come I have no phone signal" and " what are time zones". At least I didn't get bored

[–]dawgisyoumadornaw 185 points186 points  (27 children)

Someone in seventh grade asked me “Are you Chinese or Asian?”

[–]Please_Wave 128 points129 points  (27 children)

We told this girl at work that she has to blow air into the fish tank for fish to breath, so she went home and used a straw to blow air into her fish tank....

[–]samsamsamsam97 718 points719 points  (39 children)

My uncle left his bag unattended in a London bus terminal in the height of the IRA bombings in the 1980’s.

He wrote his initials on his bag, “Ian... middle name, surname..”

It spelt out “IRA.”

His bag was destroyed in a controlled explosion by the bomb squad.

They blew up his pet hamster and underwear.

[–]Rilandaras 377 points378 points  (12 children)

his pet hamster

Um, why was his pet hamster in his bag?

[–]Razortion 292 points293 points  (20 children)

Great friend of mine from work, but she works at an office in a different city. She was here for a client project and we grabbed lunch together.

Cue the typical discussions, then it went on to this.

"Hey, Razortion, are you religious?"

"Nah, not really, why?"

"Was just wondering."

"Are you?"

"Yeah of course. If I didn't believe in God, how would I explain us being here right now?"

"I mean, we evolved over years and years from our monkey ancestors."

"But Razortion, how can we have evolved from monkeys if monkeys exist today?"

"Do you believe in dinosaurs?"

"No."

"How do you explain the skeletal remains then?"

"They're fake."

[–]Kiwinger 313 points314 points  (8 children)

To be fair, we didn't evolve from monkey ancestors at all. That's one of the first thing these people jump on. We evolved from a shared ancestor

[–]SHolmes07 154 points155 points  (12 children)

Someone asked me once “What floor is the third floor on?”

[–]snerffdizzleHD 307 points308 points  (15 children)

A girl asked me if tide pod flavored pizza rolls were real after she saw a meme. I went along with it and said they were.

[–]Evow_ 52 points53 points  (1 child)

Later in the news: Local female hospitalized after eating Tide Pod

[–]fourtaco 107 points108 points  (4 children)

Woman enters seafood dept

Woman: are the lobsters in that tank alive? Me: yup Woman: you people are disgusting. Me: we can’t keep dead ones in a tank, miss. Woman: well you’re murdering them anyway!

[–]katubug 93 points94 points  (0 children)

Mitch Hedberg had a joke about if you pinch the mic cord, you can tell a bunch of jokes and when you let it go, they'll all come out at once.

My gf at the time looked me dead in the eye and said "Can that really happen?"

[–]FroggiJoy87 48 points49 points  (6 children)

I was working at an Ace Hardware store and covering a shift in the appliances department. A man, looked to be in his mid-40s, came in and asked for me to make him a speciality refrigerator. I looked at him, a bit confused, and told him "I can make a special order for you and it will arrive in a month or so" he said "no! Just go make it in the back!" I tried to explain that they're made in China and shipped here and we, here at a hardware store, don't actually build them. He got pissed, called me a lieing bitch and stormed out.

[–]J-J-H 89 points90 points  (2 children)

late to the party but one time my cousin and i were smoking hookah and then he randomly said that if he were to be asked by a doctor at a checkup if he was a smoker he would say no. i asked him why and he said that the way he smokes just involves gas going into his belly and out. if you swallow the gas completely it goes into your lungs which is what smokers do.

[–]Tropos1 89 points90 points  (2 children)

Most recently, the sincere and honest flat Earth believers, who you can run into on YouTube quite easily. Searching for videos about celebrities that believe it, you may be surprised by just how poor our critical thinking can be.

[–]PIP_SHORT 387 points388 points  (22 children)

Co-worker:

Donald Trump was given to America by God to save them from Hillary Clinton.

Liberals are actively trying to destroy America.

Hitler has been judged unfairly.

George Soros has made a pact with Satan (who is real in the physical, walking the world sense).

Africa doesn't have cities or hospitals.

And more. I try to avoid conversations with her. This is a Canadian art teacher, by the way. Oh and let me also add in regard to that final insight, our school has several Nigerian students who grew up in mansions with servants and maids.

[–]TaylorS1986 125 points126 points  (5 children)

Africa doesn't have cities or hospitals.

I can't even...

[–]Kinderfeldd 252 points253 points  (24 children)

Someone asked me if we celebrate christmas in canada.

[–]NWBoomer 300 points301 points  (8 children)

Duh, where do they think Mooseltoe comes from.

[–]FartingBob 308 points309 points  (24 children)

About 2 hours ago I had to shout at a guy who lit a cigarette while filling up with petrol next to me. Fucking dumbass, blow yourself up somewhere else please.

[–]ikonoqlast 43 points44 points  (4 children)

You cannot actually ignite gasoline with a cigarette. It just isn't hot enough.

Now the matches or lighter you used to light said cigarette...

[–]shanec628 244 points245 points  (13 children)

Customer : Could I get a cup of soup and half of the Brisket Panini.

Me : I'm sorry, the Brisket Panini is not available as a half sandwich.

Customer : Are you sure ?

Me : Yes, I'm sure.

Customer : But what if I got two halves of a Brisket Panini ?

Me : Then that's a whole sandwich. We can make you a whole sandwich.

[–]maximokush666 76 points77 points  (2 children)

my ex gf thought the earth was hollow and we lived inside of it. once she asked me how does a rocket go to the moondoes it break through the earth?

[–]PistaccioLover 110 points111 points  (4 children)

I’m taking a course to be a grief counselor, so I heard this lady saying she “doesn’t believe in chemo” and how all cancers are due to emotional problems and according to the “new Germanic medicine” you just have to “work on your emotional problems and that will solve any organic problem. You have”. I’m appalled. Ps. She has cancer and is receiving chemo bc her husband insists but she “knows everything is in her head”. Good god

[–]puffermammal 73 points74 points  (2 children)

I once fell asleep when we had guests over, and, trying to cover for myself by acting all awake, asked why everyone always called Obama "Obama" instead of his last name.

Sadly, I didn't fool anyone. They made me go to bed.

[–]zakzuk 79 points80 points  (4 children)

I once knew a guy who was not the brightest bulb in the bunch. After extensively helping him build a resume, I see him emailing said resume to the HR of NYC. I asked if he wanted to work for the city, but sadly he thought every company and business in NYC went through one HR department...

He also thought the CC for emails stood for Closed Caption. Because a deaf person can't read the email...

[–]AdmiralStarNight 184 points185 points  (7 children)

One time while a freshman in high school, in one of my classes, some sort of government class I believe, we were doing a game for extra credit points. It was one half of the room against the other.

The questions were relevant to what we were learning btw.

So things were going swell until this one girls turn from the team I was on. A blank world map was up on the board and she was asked to point to Africa.

She stood up there, obviously not knowing. And everyone else. Literally everyone else in this class, knew where it was. The teacher looked extremely disappointed. The other was dumbfounded, my team sat there wanting to yell at her. We were not allowed to help her either.

Eventually she pointed to Australia. Everyone groaned. She got a collective death glare from the rest of her team. She went "What? How am I supposed to know?"

It's Africa. On a European centric map. Its literally right in the middle.

It cost us the extra points too :(

[–]Thonemum 139 points140 points  (2 children)

"How am I supposed to know?"

You live on this planet, you should know basic facts about it