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Interracial couples of Reddit, what's your racist relative story?

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My parents are an interracial couple, my dad's a white guy from Pennsylvania and my mom's a Hispanic lady from Honduras, they met each other in Louisiana. But my grandma on my dad's side was pretty shitty to my mom, I was really young so I thought it was normal for your grandma and mom to hate eachother, until I started becoming more aware and noticed how she treated her other daughter in laws who are all white, and realized that compared to them she was treating my mom pretty badly

Same. Even after everything my dad's mom put my mother through, my mom still took care of her after she had major hip surgery.....and once she was better she went back to treating my mom like shit. Some people are shitty.

Your mother is a saint.

Yeah, his grandmother doesn't deserve her.

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My dad is Irish, and my mom is a Hispanic immigrant. Whenever I visited my grandparents on my dad's side, they would fill me up with all of this anti-immigrant nonsense. One day, I come home and repeat the racist things they told me to my parents, so my mom calls them to chew them out. She asked them why they would tell their grandson immigrants were bad when his mother and the wife of their son is an immigrant. They explained "you're different, you're from Spain, so you're the good kind." She's a Cuban exile. I think they meant she's OK because she's white.

That shit doesn't make any sense. The Irish were treated like shit when they first started immigrating to the US in the mid 19th century.

There's a book that explores this well called "How the Irish became White".

Part of being invited into that club is shitting "down" on others. Heck, in Canada, our first race riot was against the Greeks. It was so bad, they were pushed into an area now known as Greektown.

Now, some of the most racist incidents in the city happen here - with the Greek treating Africans, Caribbeans and some Asians like shit.

Source

Its pretty shameful but the irish kind of got out of their stigma by fighting in the civil war and treating other immigrants like shit in order to blend in with there rest of white americans. I'm irish and my dad said that his irish american relatives in miami were some of the most racist people he knew. Its pretty sad really.

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How did your grandma treat you? I'm curious whether blood ties helped her love you despite being mixed or whether she her racism included you as well.

She actually loved my sister and I, and treated us like she did her other grand kids

13 points · 6 months ago

That shit ain’t subtle

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So my brother brought his black girlfriend home from college to meet our family including our 76 year old white grandma. A couple weeks later I was talking to my grandma and asked what she though of my bros girlfriend. My grandma had a positive outlook on their relationship and said at least he didn't bring home a jap home or she'd have to slit his throat.

Casual WWII flashbacks...

She's 76. That's probably really progressive for her lol.

In high school, my Korean Mom forbade my sister from going to Prom because her date was black.

My boyfriend is white, my family hates him. Parents have reached the "if we ignore him, maybe he'll go away" stage and my sisters have taken me aside each holiday to point out to me how unsuitable he is for me and for the family.

So. Much. Fun.

94 points · 6 months ago

Damn that sucks for your bf...dated a Korean girl in hs and her mom adored me, made bomb ass bulgogi (or however its spelled)

You spelled it correctly! You know they make the marinade sauce at the Korean grocery stores now? Now you can soak your own pound of thinly sliced pork or beef if you like!

15 points · 6 months ago

See this is what I like seeing in threads like this. It's (of course) all negative shit and then BAM out of nowhere are some bomb ass food tips.

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I'm white and my boyfriend is Korean (we're in korea). His parents don't want to meet me, ever, and have repeatedly voiced their displeasure that I cannot produce "pure" children.

Exactly! What's with Koreans and their pure blood obsession?! My Mom said I should never adopt kids because their origins are unknown and their purity of blood is tainted!

I'm sorry your boyfriend's family is being crappy towards you.

If you DNA test every Korean out there there's going to be a huge amount of Japanese and Chinese fruit falling out of family trees.

I don’t understand that statement - I mean, even if you accept that the kid’s heritage is unknown at face value, they’re still not even a blood relation so what does it matter?

It means that if I ever adopted a child, my mom would not accept that innocent child as her grandkid. Just because he or she would not be related to her by blood.

so what does it matter?

She would treat my adopted kid like crap or politely civil to it rather than the warm and loving grandma that she is to my niece. It matters because it means I will never expose adopted kids to that unwarranted treatment, if I ever decided to adopt.

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So... does your sister not have any compassion or empathy for your situation based on her "no prom with a black guy" experience? Or has she come to accept that your mom was "right about that?

I think she has empathy? But I'm leaning towards her following my Mom 100%.

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Not exactly interracial, but I am a mixed Hispanic/white woman who has dated a lot of Hispanic guys. I've had to deal with a lot of people from my white side complaining about me dating Hispanic men, as if they've forgotten that I am half Hispanic myself, and my father is married to a Hispanic woman. Very uncomfortable, to say the least.

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43 points · 6 months ago

The only response I feel would be "Are you fucking stupid or something?"

Oh man, are you really white appearing too? I’m also half Latina, but I have blonde hair, green eyes, pale skin, the whole deal. The amount of times people disparage Latinos and Latin American culture to me is sometimes unreal, and especially with my white family. It’s like cause I don’t “look Latina” that I automatically am not one.

Yep, I have brown hair and brown eyes but people always assume I'm white because I am very pale. I have to deal with these types of comments from strangers and acquaintances all the time. People will make racist comments about Latinos, assuming it is acceptable because I look white. I've even had people argue with me when I tell them I'm Latina myself, as if they somehow know my ethnicity better than me. In a strange way it makes me grateful that these people out themselves as racists so quickly, though. It lets me know right off the bat that these are not people that I want to befriend. I think it would hurt more if their true colors came out after I became close to them.

The comments from my white family really hurt, though. The worst part is that my mom has a lot of internalized racism, so she encourages their racist comments in order to fit in. It breaks my heart that she is treated that way :(

Oh man. I feel that so hard it physically hurts me. I’ve had the same issue with arguing with people about being Latina. It doesn’t matter that I speak Spanish, that I eat Colombian food, know Colombian songs, have a Colombian last name, know Colombian traditions, I look white, therefore I am not Latina. The worst is when I have a Latino appearing friend who doesn’t do any of that stuff, and yet everyone just accepts her as Latina. Not that she is any less Latina as me just because she doesn’t do that stuff, but I’m always kind of devastated that thats the standard. Even other latinas will do the same thing.

My dad is the same way as your mom. He won’t even speak Spanish to me because he feels it’s shameful :( my mom sees it too and I know she has tried to get him out of that mindset, talking about how she thinks that family is just racist and that being Latino and speaking Spanish is nothing to be afraid of, but I’m afraid it’s too ingrained. I think thats the saddest part for me- that it was my white mother who encouraged me to seek out and connect to my roots.

I’m so sorry you have to go through this as well, though in a selfish way I’m kinda of glad I’m not alone. Have you ever found any way to deal with your family and other people? I just kind of grin and bear it a lot, and I hate it.

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“So is he mixed or are both of his parents Orientals?”

My granny felt so awful when she realized oriental is not a nice way to describe someone anymore. She's been making sure she and everyone her age says the right race or just a general Asian if they have no clue.

"Oh, you Hahn Chinese have such a rich cultural history! Much more compelling than those general Asians!"

-your granny, in my head.

Whereas mine would make the same distinctions, but somehow inject "zipperhead" into the discussion out of pure belligerence.

My granny tries really hard to be as PC as possible. So she always makes sure she knows exactly what someone is and goes from there. So when I said fiancé was Hispanic when I first mentioned I was dating him she made sure to know if he was Mexican or Spanish, etc.

One time my uncle made a racist joke about how my kid will be too tan for this country and I got upset. She apologized profusely for days because she thought I was mad at her for being in the same room when it happened. She's sweet, she's just very touchy now.

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I'm scared to ask, but what does "zipperhead" mean?

Google tells me it's a slur to either Korean or Vietnamese people because during the wars American soldiers would use jeeps to run over enemy soldiers that got in their way and their crushed skulls looked like split zippers.

That is a really convoluted slur like the racists must've been really bored that day.

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Lol my FIL said this once and we all just kind of looked at him. Had to explain why people don’t say that.

Wait, oriental is seen as racist now? In the UK, saying someone is Asian usually means from India/Pakistan or those areas, and there is no alternative for Chinese/Japanese/Korean etc. I've been saying oriental because I thought it was the least offensive way to mention when I'm not sure (or grouping, like talking about 'oriental cuisines'). What is the PC term if you don't know? Have always made an effort to be anti racism and to use the correct terminology and just now finding out I've been a fucking racist all along...

Just Asian is best. Oriental is actually more about the west’s view of Asia than about Asia itself—Orientalist studies would be the academic study of western coverage of Asia, esp in the colonial era, not the study of Asia itself. It’s not racist so much as weird and wrong, like referring to black folks as “Africanian humans” or something.

I'm from the UK too. I've also been told that the orient isn't quite correct so I just say East Asia now

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Warned my SO that I might be a North Korean spy. I am not at all Korean.

That's what all the North Korean spies say.

69 points · 6 months ago

You are now banned from r/Pyongyang

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I'm really sorry, but this made me laugh hard.

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I am a total white boy and my GF is hispanic. Her parents are very cool and nice to me and speak english when I am around. Her extended family is 50/50 I notice the younger relatives are super cool with me but the older gen wont speak english to me. My GF has yelled at uncles and stuff because they will talk in english until I sit down then they will switch to spanish. I am trying to learn spanish and can hold my own in a basic conversation but I cant keep up with in depth convos.

My family doesnt give a shit.

Duolingos a good app for learning Spanish!

Was typing exactly this comment before I decided to check what was replied here already.

Seconding duolingo!

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I’m white, wife is black. Grandma (91) told my wife she was surprised she was out on the boat with me.

Said “I didn’t think you would be comfortable being out in deep water.”

Grandma says insane stuff all the time, but usually not insane racist stuff.

Comment deleted6 months ago(14 children)

You forget the best one:

"In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, to contribute something to solving overpopulation." (1988)

35 points · 6 months ago

Wtf Philip

In defense of the koala comment, they do have chylamida.....

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I feel awful for laughing at the Cantonese one.

It's funny because it's true.

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The Nigerians are centuries ahead in formal dress technology. We're stuck here still having to buy suits.

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I had a friend tell me once, very seriously, that it was true that black peoples weren’t good swimmers because of something to do with having denser bones. She was dead serious. I just stared at her like she was crazy. This girl was a raging SJW as well so I knew it wasn’t necessarily her being racist just ignorant.

I quickly explained to her how that wasn’t true and she shouldn’t say that at all let alone in certain circles.

117 points · 6 months ago

If anyone is wondering: The stereotype that black people can't swim comes from the lack of pool access in urban areas and expense of home swimming pools. Pools were a big focal point for segregation as well. In a more modern sense many black women spend a lot of money on hair styling and water doesn't mix in well.

When I was a camp counselor, we would line up each group of kids and separate them into "can swim in the deep end", "can swim a little" and "can't swim at all". It was a very racially diverse camp right outside of L.A., but the majority of the little black kids couldn't hardly swim. One of the other counselors, a black lady, told me that in her experience the hair issue was a big one. Add to that, if the black parents didn't grow up going to the pool, they can't swim, so they can't teach their kids to swim, and they're also fearful of the water so they don't take their kids around it.

Yep, when I taught art to teenagers 99% were black, and I learned to hate rainy/cloudy days. I could not for the life of me get them to focus on painting and stop asking if I think its gonna be raining when school lets out. I was like, I know you get rides home, what are you worried about?

Kinda relevant: I asked the girls too if they needed me to make any accommodations for their long acrylic nails, because if they were expensive or time consuming I didn't want to ruin them. Every single one was like naw I'm good. It was kind of beautiful watching them work, they'd move their hands so gracefully and deliberately no matter what the task was, I kind of saw it as a help rather than a hindrance.

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I have a black friend that insists black people have extra bones. Like, 100% certain.

I think i know what he's getting at. Does he keep asking if you'd like another in you?

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My gf is black and my Hispanic family was really interested with my life a few years back when I had a white gf. My aunt and my cousin would message me ask when me and my gf will come visit my family. Now I heard absolutely nothing from them concerning my gf they don't even ask how I'm doing anymore.

How are you doing?

We're doing really good.

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That sounds about right. My cousin is currently dating a black man. Never mind that he's a great guy, never mind that he has a good job, never mind that he's a great father. Never mind that he's Dominican. The fact that he's not white is too much for my abuela. She won't stop complaining about it. Finally, she points at me during an arguement with my mom and tío and tells them how "lindo" I am because I'm "blanco." I shouted at her, "Abuela, yo no tengo ganas de tener una novia, pero si tuviera una, preferiría una cubana negra sobre una yanquí blanca" (I don't want a girlfriend, but I would prefer a black Cuban over a white American). Needless to say, she was furious.

Comment deleted6 months ago(3 children)

I know zero Spanish, but too much Reddit lets me know this probably means "your grandma needs a sandal (beating?)"

Yep. Yes, it means that. Yes, she really does.

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People in the Philippines worship white people, as such when i got a white girlfriend, everyone was all over her.

We had the opposite problem to this actually, my boyfriend is white and I got numerous calls from my family telling me a white man would never understand me or our culture.

34 points · 6 months ago

I experienced the same. For a long while, my mom would casually ask me when I would break up with my white bf and find a nice Filipino boy. I'm still with the same guy, and she's set aside her hopes of me marrying a Filipino for the most part, but she still dislikes my bf for not being her preferred race.

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Comment deleted6 months ago(17 children)

You would not believe how much whitening cream is being advertised here.

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IV Drips & medication. Not sure surgery would fix skin color?

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Depends on the socio economic class. Poorer, less educated Filipinos are still caught up in the white worship. You see it in the cheap products, badly-produced shows... kinda sad.

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74 points · 6 months ago

Half black guy here. My grandmother-in-law has said to me that she isn't racist, she just thinks people were made different races for a reason. She's never elaborated, and I've never asked her what she meant.

On the other side of my wife's family, I still haven't met my father-in-law because he hates non-white people.

So out of curiosity here, I wonder if she’s saying that from a scientific standpoint? I mean that as far as the development of different melanin compositions from different regions. Cause I kind of have the same thought in a way. I mean thousands of years ago before civilization really took off and there was a fuck ton of random tribes of all races all over the world, they developed different ways to adapt to the environments they were in. Same goes for body hair too. My heritage is made for very cold climates so we have thick black body hair, but my ex who’s was even whiter than I am, his heritage was made for warmer so he had thin blond body hair. Or maybe she means it from a “Jesus take the wheel, I know you have a plan” kind of thing? I mean different races did come about genetically for different reasons and if she’s religious she might just think that there has to be a plan for it all? I’d be kind of curious to find that out. (Disclaimer: I’ve been up for 48 hours and I’m on pain killers so this might all sound like incoherent nonsense)

Probably the "Jesus totes was a super racist and discriminated heavily so that's why people have different skin colors". I mean it's in the bible. /s

Real talk tho, if that was the case a much more practical separation would be if he made assholes puke green. If the idea is to separate people I'd like to be able to be separate from assholes. Then we could erase Kim jong un with the green screen functions too!

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243 points · 6 months ago

My wife is Korean, so as a gag gift my father purchased me a 1992 traveler's guide to Thailand.

Because you know... Asia.

Cringe.

At least it's the "ignorant of the world" racism and not the "other races are subhuman" racism!

Absolutely. He adores my wife and I know he was showing it in the best way he knew how.

I find that kind of funny

But I'm a white Australian so what the hell do I know

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Comment deleted6 months ago(5 children)

This is ridiculous. Are these people educated beyond the 3rd grade?

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30 points · 6 months ago

Yep.

I think they were afraid that their share in the inheritance was going to get smaller.

We don't maintain any contact because they are horrible.

Oh god, what a terrible reason.

I hope you have a really nice day today.

[deleted]
14 points · 6 months ago

Thank you, I did.

Funny thing is that my dad and his brother have 50% share and my uncle brought his wife and two kids into the inheritance because he thought the shares would be equal amongst them.

It wasn't, his 50% was split 4-ways and dad still had his 50%.

Lol. Maths is stoopid.

51 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

I'm white and my wife is half black, fairly light skinned. My mom's Aunt once had this awkward as fuck conversation with me at a family gathering about how you can "barely tell" and my wife does not "act it" at all. WTF all that even means I don't know. My wife like me is from rural West Virginia and so is my great aunt.

The hilarious part is I believe this was her way of trying to be nice about it and explain that she was accepting of it. We still catch a lot of shit for almost never bringing my kids around her and that side of the family. Last time we were at a family gathering and my mom invited that side of the family, great aunt offered to teach my kids how to swim.

She's not 'accepting' of it. Your partner is just an acceptable black because she's close to whiteness.

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I introduced my Latino ex-bf of mine to my aunt's husband, who is the most bigoted human being I've ever met. The first thing he said was that he'd kick his daughter's ass if she ever brought a boy home with darker skin than his. I was horrified, choked out a "Well, my parents LOVE him," and for the remaining year and a half I dated this guy, I refused to bring him to any gatherings where this man was going to be. There was no reason to put someone I cared about through that sort of racial abuse.

Reminds me of my mother. Sometimes she gets really drunk and spouts off on racist tangents without any obvious cause. Once she yelled at me and my brother that if either of us marry a black woman we were out of the will (which surprised me, because she isn't the kind of person to write a will). As a sarcastic jab back, my father (her ex husband) told me, "I swear if you ever marry a white woman you are out of the will," with the biggest freaking goofy grin on his face.

Once she found out I went on a date with an Asian girl and didn't talk to me for a week, only to hear that later on she got repeated calls from my father laughing at her reaction. Sometimes you just need one supportive family member.

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27 points · 6 months ago

I fucking love your dad. Can I borrow to prank call my mom?

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i bet his daughter could never bring home a boy with a darker soul than his.

But if he gits gud?

He'll never git gud enough

Then we'll have to see about the blood borne by him.

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Fiancé is Mexican, I'm your generic white bread. We have a 6 month old baby.

My paternal grandmother is a subtle racist, doesn't like Hispanics. When I moved high schools she'd say shit like, "Oh, be careful, there's a lot of Mexicans at that school." I ignored her because my dad gets mad if I blow up on her.

While I'm pregnant, my fiancé is speaking Spanish to his family at our baby shower. He walks away for a minute. Grandma says, "God, I'm so glad your baby won't be Mexican." My sister dies of laughter as I roll my eyes and look at my dad like, "Can I blow up NOW?"

Dad: "Uh, ma...he WILL be Mexican. That's kinda how genetics work."

Her: "No, it comes from the mother's side."

Me: "Oh, so that's where all of your bitchiness stems from. Good to know. Also, fiancé will be teaching Son Spanish, so have fun with that. Not that you'll ever see this baby."

And she never has.

It sounds like your grandma didn't have a very good education growing up.

She didn't. She basically got enough education to survive then popped kids out as her career.

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Her: "No, it comes from the mother's side."

I'm not in an interracial relationship but my kids are both adopted and mixed race. When we told our families that our agency matched us with a pregnant woman and told them that our baby would be biracial, my dad said that it's fine as long as the woman is white because our baby would get their genetics from the mother. I ended contact with him when my kids were toddlers for race related reasons.

My brother is in an interracial relationship and my dad was pissed about that because he didn't want Korean grandchildren and since he believes the "race gene" comes from the mother's side, he figured he was screwed.

I'm shocked that there is another insane person out there with these beliefs.

Yep, I've heard this a lot before - a woman at my mom's Bible study said that Obama wasn't our first black president because his mother was white. My mom stopped attending after that comment.

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I like the karma of your racist father having biracial grandkids, and possibly half-Korean grandkids too, if he has kids.

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My paternal grandmother is a subtle racist

Oh, be careful, there's a lot of Mexicans at that school

that is NO way subtle

Username...checks out?

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I see the "practical" version of racism as fairly subtle. The version that they just say things like that to in their mind keep you safe from people they see as dangerous.

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My ex boyfriends family made war whoops at me and called me a redskin.

aaaaand my ex actually got mad at me for getting mad at them for it.

Apparently it's way worse to call people racists than for people to say racist things.

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I am mixed (mom is Jamaican, dad is white) so I average from olive to red skinned depending on the time of year. My husband is white.

His dear sweet Grandma was talking once and she said “Oh yes there was a negro fellow who ...” I just kind of looked at my husband and then around at his family with a smirk because this lady was 90+ and she loved me! I knew she wasn’t racist one bit, but she’d lived all of her life in Wisconsin and that is what she heard for the first 60 years of her life. Later my MIL apologized and I just laughed. I knew she meant no harm.

Depending on where we are driving my husband and I have gotten some interesting looks in Texas. There were definitely some gas stations we left quicker than others.

My parents had it even worse though. Met in the panhandle of Florida during the 80s while in the Air Force. “Lower Alabama” as some people call it. They didn’t go off base much late at night. They both had some members of their family refuse to come to the wedding. Neither sets of parents were happy they were getting married but they came. The really messed up part was they had friends their age in the military who had gone to Korea and married girls there and brought them home, but disagreed about my parents marrying each other. WTF?! How backwards is that?

"Colored gal/fella" is how my grandma used to be politically correct.

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White guy here, with a black partner. We just had our first Christmas together at my parent's place. My mum decides to buy my partner a gift and gives "The Little Book of Chocolate". She then quickly says, "Oh no, it's not a racist thing. I just heard you like chocolate". Literally nobody thought it had anything to do with race... until she said that.

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I'm a white girl with a Chinese husband. We started dating in the early 2000's and it was practically unheard of to see an Asian dude with a white girl back then. We quite often got lots of stares, but I always found it super offensive when I got asked how I could possibly be "satisfied" with an Asian guy. First of all, fucking rude, second of all, who says shit like that? Also, his parents and grandparents were convinced I was just a phase and routinely told him he should find a nice girl from Hong Kong.

136 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

I grew up in the south and my family was stereotypically racist. We lived in a big city with a fairly diverse population. Many of my friends were minorities s. My grandma would refer to my black friends as being "little niglets" and my She would talk about my Asian friends as being "fresh off the boat". My own parents followed the part as well. My senior year my mom took a vacation to Hawaii and came back obsessed. She redecorated the whole house in Hawaiian themed things.

I personally wasn't really into pale guys, so I tended to date Asians and Hispanics. My mother almost wrecked the car when I told her my first boyfriend's last name was Gonzalez. Anyway, I decided to try and be dutiful and get them off my back by dating a bland white guy that should have fit all of their specifications. Well, they hated him and treated him just as badly as the rest of the guys I had dated, so I figured I'd date who I wanted.

I met my now husband a year or so later. Short, dark and handsome. Just my type. His father was from Hawaii. A mix of Hawaiian and Filipino and his mom was Mediterranean. I brought the poor boy home and my parents flipped. We told my family we were pretty serious and they started "worrying" about the implications for our children. "If they're mixed they'll have such a hard time here in the south." They called his family savages... in front of him. They made racist remarks on multiple occasions in front of him at family gatherings.

In the end, I married him. Our kids are beautiful. Genetics laughed and gave me a blonde daughter out of the mix. You'd never guess she was Hawaiian or Filipino. She tans quite well though. I stopped speaking to my family when they kept trying to get me to divorce the guy without any actual reasoning. All my coworkers (I work in a female dominated field) have always commented on how jealous they are of my "exotic" looking husband.

40 points · 6 months ago

Same here. Have an exotic wife (blond, Asian, green eyes...) And our kids definitely got her looks. Thank god. Interestingly though, the part of the world she is from (Central Asia), they firmly believe mixed children are more attractive. She got a lot of envy for marrying a white guy, and I heard many times about how great mixed kids are. Still, her mom's first words after she told her she met an American was "is he black"?

Aside:. I had a coworker who was Pakistani married to a blond English girl. Their daughter had blond hair and cafe au lait skin. Just. Gorgeous.

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Good for you, I'm sorry you had to go through that kind of a struggle. It's good to distant yourself from that toxicity and focus on growing with your SO and kids.

147 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

I'm Latino I date lots of white women.

My ex gfs dad assumed I was a shitty person and he was right but it's not because I'm Latino.

Lol 😂 so you’re saying it’s not racism because in all honesty, you really are a piece of shit.

Yea 🙃

Nobody who loves kittens can be an ENTIRELY shitty person.

[deleted]
46 points · 6 months ago

Depends how he loves the kittens

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Username does not check out

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161 points · 6 months ago

My first serious boyfriend was black and my grandma was very concerned that dating a black man would “ruin me for other men”. She insisted that no man would ever date me knowing that I’d been with a black guy. She kind of got over it as time went on. We broke up after a year or so of dating for unrelated reasons.

She heard once you go black, you don't go back

On r/sex though there was someone once who posted a story about how she hasn't had sex with her boyfriend for months now because he can't get it up any more after she revealed she had sex with a black guy once.

Apparently crippling insecurity hit after that point over that he feels he can never compete with the fabled humongous black penis... I don't evne.

Yeah. Anxiety can be hell on your penis.

Source: have both.

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"Once you go black, you deserve it."

-grandma

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44 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

Every single one of her relatives despises me which is why I don't even go to her apartment anymore, they have caused multiple instances of drama for the last 7 years for no reason at all. Hell I don't even want a wedding just because of this, if I did I would leave right after the ceremony just to avoid being around them.

Elopement is everything it's cracked up to be.

Yup. I held my wedding in a penthouse in Las Vegas. That way I could tell the more ignorant of my family. “Oh sorry. They only allow so many people up to the room. Its a no kid wedding anyways so it works out best”

I would kill for a no kids wedding. Not a single person on my half of the invite list has a child under 18 (except my sister), but most of hers will have kids under 3. I don't even want to go to my own wedding.

My parents had a “babysitting room” for they wedding. Basically my parents hired a bunch of babysitters and had a big room prepped away from the rest of the festivities. Guests could bring their kids, but they were kept separate from the main crowd for the ceremony and reception and everything before and after. People were free to go check on their kids when they wanted but not to bring them into anywhere involving the rest of the guests.

Apparently it was a huge success, no screaming children ruining your perfect day, but your friends could come along without having to find a babysitter locally or worrying about how they were. I was 9 months old at the time so I was in the babysitting room too, they pulled me out for photos and that was it really.

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67 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

Going through this now. I'm white (Irish Italian) born and raised in the US. Fiancee is 100% Indian, born and raised in India and the Middle East. I've grown up dating outside my race, he has not. His parents had no issue with us being friends, but when his mother found out we had feelings for each other, she threatened to disown him, called me from overseas (he and I are both in our thirties), and calmly stated that she didn't accept the relationship, his extended family wouldn't accept it, and that I will be "ruining the family bloodlines." His father is elderly and recently had a stroke, so she also threw in for good measure that "my selfish actions caused his father's health to fail."

He and I are going forward with marriage regardless (he's extremely strong and independent and isn't afraid of the South Asian "What will people say?" bullshit), although his family will not attend. He has a great group of friends supporting his choice, and I know my side will make him feel loved. I fell in love with him even more throughout the process because of how strong he is. He wasn't weak or allowed himself to be bullied into leaving a woman he wanted to marry just because of what his family thought. I've noticed that a lot of Indians and Pakistanis will try to use terms like "It's just tradition" or "It's our culture, so she's having a hard time adjusting." I refuse to allow that kind of talk. Whites saying the same things about bloodlines = racism, because it IS racism. Other races can be racist in their words, actions, and deeds, and it needs to be confronted. Indians are one of the groups least likely to marry outside their own race (I think they're at the top next to mainland Chinese). Stop calling it tradition or culture---it's fucking racism. I'm grateful he's standing his ground.

Some years ago, on another forum, a poster was talking about her worst experience as a wedding planner. She'd been working on a wedding for a couple where the bride was a white American and the groom an Indian guy. Well, the day before the wedding the groom's family flew in and apparently read him the riot act. He packed his bags and left in the middle of the night with his family and abandoned his fiancee and the wedding. Didn't quite leave her at the altar but almost. Anyway, the poster said that situation was the one and only time her company agreed to refund the bride her deposit. They felt so bad for her that they couldn't keep the money.

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22 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

I'm white and my girlfriend of 5 years is black

None of my family would ever be racist in a blunt manner in person. But my uncle says terrible things about black people (and women, and immigrants, etc.) on Social Media all the time. He will never address it in person even when confronted. I doubt he has any issue with my girlfriend (exception to the rule....).

My girlfriend and her family don't appreciate it... but they just roast him when they see stuff.

Her parents grew up being called the N word, having crosses burned in their yard and were escorted to school with armed guards. We were even discussing today how my girlfriend's father had a white best friend. The best friend wasn't allowed to come to the his house because that'd put both families in danger.

Racist people like my uncle suck. I always liked spending time with him growing up. He was no anger and bitter like he is today. But as a consequence I'd never allow any future children we have to spend time with him

My girlfriend's 92 year old grandmother says she wishes I was black, but that's about as bad as it gets with her family. Some of them are very eagerly waiting for us to get married and have kids.

Thankfully I don't have any openly racist relatives. Just very "curious" ones. Fortunately he's a good sport and doesn't get upset over simple inoffensive questions.

Right on! I'm Hispanic and the relatives of the White women I've dated are also very curious, and I'm happy to answer questions. Hell, that's how we get different kinds of people to understand one another. :)

Exactly! If it isn't malicious or offensive no need to make a big deal out of it and create tension.

20 points · 6 months ago

Been married nearly 10 years in an interracial marriage (I’m white, she’s black). I remember that curiosity early on. It passes... we generally all get along well, but it helps to live in different places.

Not my family but hers. Her grandpa hates me because I’m white and she’s Hispanic. It’s funny because my family is Brazilian and a mixture of other ethnic minorities from Eastern Europe and the Middle East but whatever man, some people only see color.

I'm Indian and my husband's white. He has thankfully kept away all the stuff his extended family might have said about me and he has no idea about any of the things my family has said about him.

  • His parents asked me when I learned English. They were surprised it was before kindergarten. They were even more surprised my mother was an English teacher.

  • My aunt said to my father 'well at least she isn't marrying a black or Hispanic guy'. I don't speak to that Aunt anymore... Not because of this but because she cheated on her husband.

  • My father was initially convinced this would end in misery because 'white people don't care for family and don't value marriage'. He softened once he learned my in-laws had been married forty years and were still very much in love.

  • My uncle brought up the whole 'Americans don't care for family like we do' thing the day before the wedding. While it might be true in a sense, it's incredibly offensive to say that to someone's face. Especially my husband's very Catholic mother who hosts Christmas and Easter and birthdays and weddings and what have you for her very large extended family. All of my cousins shut him down asap.

I'm sure there was a lot of weirdness on his family's side, especially since I was the first Indian person they had really known. Thankfully my husband keeps it all a secret from me. That way, I'm able to be relaxed around his family and they get to know me for me and possibly change their minds. Likewise with my family.

As far as racism goes, what we've experienced is absolutely nothing. At best, it's misunderstandings or miscommunication or mismatched expectations. And I find it easy to forgive people for reacting with some shock to a new unexpected addition to the family. As long as they make an effort to respect us, I don't care if they fuck up on word choice or something small like that.

My girlfriend is a Mexican-American and her family is amazing, her sister has been teaching me a bit of Spanish and her mother has let me helped her in the kitchen.

Meanwhile my family is a fucking train wreck. My mother spoke to her like she was a three year old, my aunt tried to get her to translate for a painter she wanted to hire (the painter was Brazilian, and therefore spoke Portuguese), and my uncle tried to get her to teach him Spanish. This was all at the Thanksgiving table.

105 points · 6 months ago

My uncle was genuinely curious how my ass could handle all that big, black dick so there's that.

It's always the uncle

Your uncle might have had a wild youth

He's just legit worried for your booties well-being.

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I dated a Japanese guy for a long time, I'll call him J, and this story isn't about us but all of my relatives had met him. Ended up that I settled down with a white dude and had some kids. My cousin married a Chinese guy and had some kids. When I was back visiting my stomping grounds, her grandma came up and wad going on about how good looking my kids were, and then started to complain that her own grandkids looked so Asian. I have a really hard time with awkward social situations, and I've developed a habit of trying to keep talking until my words smooth over the awkwardness. Sometimes it works, but sometimes I make an ass out of myself. And this time, I started rambling on about J, who she knew, and how a used to go people watching in LA together on the weekends and he would always point out the kids who were half- white half- Asian and how cute they were and that they looked very Asian as youngsters but as they got older it seemed like they looked more white and where was I going with this story? Then she got way too happy and hugged me and thanked me and told me it made her feel so much better. No one else heard this interaction, and my great- aunt has since died, but that interaction made my stomach literally sick at the time and still makes me cringe. It's a horror story because I made it happen.

19 points · 6 months ago

Dude asian kids are the cutest

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My maternal grandfather asked me if I was going to have “one a them ME-HE-CAN last names” and stating that my boyfriend didn’t look very brown. 🤦🏼‍♀️ He’s half Mexican, half white. He’s now my husband so I guess he doesn’t scare easily.

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Dad is Eastern European, mom is Middle Eastern.

Apperantly, when they told my grandma (dad's mom) my mom was pregnant with me, she burst into tears and accused her of getting pregnant just to trap my dad.

Even though they were already 2 years married by that point.

Also, we were once invited to my dad's aunt 90th birthday. It was a huge event with tons of relatives I've never met. My great aunt pointed at one of the guests and said that was her daughter in law, who's Indian, but not to worry, because she's from the lighter part of India, and their kids didn't come out dark at all.

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When I (pale white girl) first started dating my Mexican fiancé, I was showing my mom pictures of him on Facebook since she hadn't met him yet. She's quietly smiling the whole time but eventually goes "Honey what, uh....what race is he?" I told her he was mostly Mexican and she seemed happy for me but still slightly uneasy.

She later told me she was scared for me at first because she had been reading about the Mexican mafia and thought I'd get kidnapped and murdered or roped into a life of crime or something if I moved in with him?? She trusted my judgement however and has since apologized and is now totally in love with him and his family!

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I didn't get to meet my fiances parents for 4 years because his family's from Pakistan and I'm white.

People always think it would be MY family would be the racist ones because they're white and we consider this extremely rude. HIS family didn't accept me for years but MINE understood the situation and immediately accepted my fiance as part of the family.

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I'm Indian and my SO is white. My family were appalled and disgusted when I first told them about him but they realised it had because a choice between either their precious culture/values or their daughter. Luckily they picked me. I get shit talked behind my back but IDGAF.

48 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

I am Caucasian and my gf is African american. I can't bring her around my mom's side of the family because they are outwardly, unapologetically racist. They are from backwoods Arkansas and their mindset never left. Anyway, that's my mom's side. My dad's side is OK except for my uncle who is an ex-biker gang member and a heroin addict. He was in the hospital last summer for cancer treatment and I took my girlfriend to visit him and bring him some snacks and stuff. We get there and me and my uncle starts to talk about someone we know who shot and murdered his cousin (they are black) . He then proceeds to say "Memphisblur, those n****** will never stop killing each other" he didn't even fucking flinch he was looking at me straight in the face. My gf was standing right beside me. In my head I did the biggest :::face palm::: but I couldn't do anything. It was such a ridiculously bad/uncomfortable situation that I had no idea what to do. After about 15 seconds of awkward silence he apologized to my gf but didn't make an excuse just apologized. I just told him we had to go and prepared for the shit storm that was about to hit me as soon as we made it out of ear shot of anyone. I was about to receive every word she wanted to say to my uncle. We made it outside and she pretty understanding. I mean, she was angry and asked me never to bring her around him again but she did not speak ill of him or get angry with me. We hadn't been together for long and that showed me a lot about her.

That was a year ago and she has been around him since and they are always very cordial. Already now I have a plan for when stupid ignorant shit like that happens.

Edit: I'm an idiot

Why do racists think that saying am apology will somehow improve things? Sorry never solves anything.

I'm sure he simply said it as a social buffer of sorts. Maybe it wasn't the reaction he was expecting and figured apologizing would ease things into the next conversation. The dude is crazy so it's pointless so try to figure him out. He's a dick. That about sums it up.

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Have been in an Interracial Relationship for 9 years now.

I'm HAPPY to say I have nothing to contribute to this thread.

(No Racist family members from either side)

I once dated a cuban girl whose parents were extremely anti-white, which was pretty confusing to a teenager. They were also casual anti-semites.

Just a little anti-Semitism on the weekends.

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I am white, and my fiancé is Hispanic. When my Grandparents first met him, they stared at him and said to my mom ‘why didn’t you tell me he was brown??’ But, his mother also does not like me because I am white. She has told me that before and she treats me horribly.

And let me tell you, when his family found out that my nieces are half-Black, that made them hate me even more.

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115 points · 6 months ago

His white parents buying me a wok and on another occasion a noodle bowl set thay looked like a souvenir from Chinatown. Also at least once a year when we visit, his dad will flip channels and when he gets to a Chinese chanel he'll ask me to translate when I've told him several times I don't speak mandarin or Cantonese. Their racism is the reason I don't want children.

My SO is Pakistani and I'm white; we don't want kids to begin with but people can be so fucking stupid on this topic because, I shit you not, we've been asked "but if you had kids, what colour would the kid be?"

screams internally

My wife is Chinese and I'm white. We're generally uninterested in having children but everyone tells us we should have cute half-Asian babies together. I told my sister that if she wanted a half Asian baby to play with so badly, she should just make one herself.

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Just say. “When are you going to understand I am american. “

Do you really think this is blatant racism or are they just completely ignorant? I truly believe some people are just too dumb to realize that what they are doing can be offensive.

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My cousin, who has always been white trash single or not, began dating a black woman. Many of my relatives, who are also white trash, thought this was disgusting. One once said to me "I hope he doesn't let her do anything other than suck his dick" because they thought a black vagina had to be just a nasty shit hole.

And when I say they're white trash I mean the roaches don't bother hiding when they turn the light on in their kitchens.

No direct hate towards me but other races: I’m Asian and my SO is White, her family isn’t relatively normal minus her sister who seems to hate Mexicans for some reason. She believes that IQ is tied to race as well as vying for a “pure” white country. What’s odd is that she used to be super into Asian guys, before flipping into some sort of white supremacist. Her grandpa has also apparently said some off putting things about black people making “jungle music”. It’s always awkward at her family gatherings. Other than that her father, mother and her grandmothers love me.

10 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

My parents are extremely conservative in their views and don't try to expand their thinking beyond the values their parents instilled in them. They're sort of ignorantly racist and having grown up living in a small town with a population of 98% white people (might be lower now), I'm not totally surprised they think this way.

Anyway, long story short, after having a very heated dinner conversation regarding my new girlfriend at the time, my mother is trying to convince me to change my mind and basically tells me, "I don't understand how you can associate with them anyway. It isn't natural, like a lion trying to breed with a zebra." Yes, I was pretty dumbfounded to say the least.

Or you know, more like a white lion breeding with a brown lion. Because they're both the same damned species....

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When my grandma on the other side of the family first saw a picture of my cousin, she asked if my asian uncle had him with a black woman. My mum said that he was just tan. Grandma didn't believe her, as she thought asians were biologically incapable of becoming tan. It was pretty funny in hindsight.

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When my mum was still in school, she was dating a guy from India. When her mother caught her, she pushed my mum down the stairs for it.

My dad's not white either, so I wonder how she reacted when she met him.

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Husband is full Korean who grew up here in Ph. When he introduced me to his parents I thought they were fine with me. He told me that they try to talk him out of our relationship and look down on me because I am a Filipina and my skin color is brown. They wouldve preferred a woman with Chinese blood or foreign blood for him. More so if they have business and are rich. They're nice to me but his mother sometimes tells me to get whiter/fairer.

My fiancé is Asian -American and I’m white. My mom likes to make jokes she thinks are Hilarious but are actually really racist.

There was some stupid Facebook auto-generated meme that said he was good with pets. My mom asked “to take care of or to cook?” She would also try to post racist memes on both of our walls , but always made sure to preface them with “does this make me racist?” Or “I’m not a racist but HAHAHA”.

But none of this surprised me because this is the same woman who tried to justify using the N-word to me because, in her words, “some black people just Are”

I haven’t spoken to her in months.

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9 points · 6 months ago

I'm white and my wife is black. My mother never touched my wife. My mom died within a year of our marriage. My brother forwarded racist emails from Ann Coulter to my wife and blamed my wife for splitting up the family. We just celebrated our 18th anniversary, and we only see my brother at Christmas. We love his daughters, and tolerate him for their sake. He doesn't do or say anything against us anymore.

43 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

Secretly remember everything you're taught in class.

Edit: wrong thread

I think you meant to comment this on the post above this one my dude

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12 points · 6 months ago

Lol I had just come from that thread and was like wait whaaaat

My fiancee is part Japanese. It's not at all obvious. The first time I took her to meet my grandma she started talking about the Japs and how they deserved the A-bombs. Like. Fucking A.

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Teenagers are universally known to be cunts.

I'm Indian, fiance is white, we were both born and raised in the UK. My family are extremely racist towards him. They think anyone who isn't Indian and from the same part of India as them is good enough. They had a huge issue when my uncle wanted to marry an Indian girl who's family happened to be from a different part of the state in India they're from. It's ridiculous.

My wife is Japanese. When I told my mom we were getting married, she said, “Well, if you’re going to marry a minority, they’re probably the best.”

My SO's dad HATES the fact that his daughter is with me. He has preconceived ideas of what a black person is and even though I earn well, own income property, have a good job with a great company and worked with his daughter to create our own brand - still not enough.

He's cut her off until she's 'done playing in the mud'.

Clincher: HE'S the one with friends currently in jail or in gangs and is involved in shady shit

...no idea what to say to that. We just live.

My gf is white and I am black. She is a social worker, incredibly kind, compassionate, and 100% a social justice person. Very racially sensitive and does the work of being a white person who wants to undo systemic racism. Her dad is a really nice guy, and I like him a lot. In contrast to her, he’s one of those older, wealthy, white guys that has never had a filter because nothing has any consequences.

At a family gathering, her dad made some comment to me that used my skin color as the prop for a joke. I understood that he was joking, but the joke was also racist. I forgot exactly what was said (sorry). It was one of those moments where everything kind of goes quiet, and I caught some looks exchanged between people.

Gf and I talked later because I felt pretty bad about this, and she was livid. I was also afraid that this might put a wedge between the two of them. Seriously considered breaking up with her, if only because I didn’t want to have to deal with this kind of shit. So she talked to him and it took several days for her to get through to him on a few different levels: that what he said was hurtful and shitty, that he needed to value her partners, and that this is an important relationship for her and she doesn’t want to lose me.

Things were a bit awkward the next couple of times I saw her dad. But I knew about their conversations and didn’t want him to feel like I was holding him at arms length. So I have been sure to engage him in conversation and act like nothing happened - people fuck up and as long as they are willing to grow, I see no reason to withdraw from the situation.

You've got a great SO and I'm glad to hear she talked to her father on the matter. It doesn't matter what the relationship is, "jokes" like that are not okay and that filter of his needs to improved--who better to tell them than his daughter.

When my SO's family rejected and kicked him out for being together with me (he's Pakistani and I'm white) he was about to break up with me because this was too much pressure he didn't want to put on me. I told him I wasn't going anywhere and here we are almost 4 years later, about to get married.

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That's really generous of you! Your gf is lucky.

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The weirdest thing was my relatives' fascination with my girlfriend's hair. LifeProTip: don't just randomly reach out and start feeling up someone's hair.

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4 points · 6 months ago

My friend comes from a white family (British) and he has a brother aged 25-26. He has a mixed race (half British - half Indian) girlfriend. My friends parents immediately went NOPE and told him they don't approve. Until they found out how rich the girl and her parents were.

Is there like a point where racist people are like "you know what, I'm okay with it" if there is money involved?

I'm half-Iranian and my vegetarian wife is more standard Euro-American white. Back in 2008, her grandmother cooked ham for dinner and watched me eat it to make sure I wasn't a "secret Muslim like Obama."

Ironically, we never had any racist relatives; but we did encounter many other racists.

I'm Zambian on my father's side, and Malaysian on my mother's side. Furthermore, my mother is technically only half ethnic Malay; the other half is ethnic Indian (my grandmother is ethnically Indian, and we have distant family in India).

Being a biracial kid in the 90s was problematic; being from two people of colour was even more so. My parents had to leave Zambia for 'reasons' - most likely related to my existence. Then, my father and I weren't 'allowed' to live in Malaysia. My mother, being a citizen of Malaysia, as well as of 'Bhumiputra' status, was allowed in, and had to practically smuggle me and my father with her. We spent my entire childhood living in an isolated backwater fishing village, in order to avoid the ire of the authorities.

For years, my parents petitioned different countries for citizenship, but none acquiesced - except for India, and later Singapore (we're all Singaporeans today).

All that time, we were supported by family. Possibly reluctantly, but it was still support. It helps that my maternal grandparents are both slightly insane anti-government live-off-the-grid types. Also, my relatives in India (via my maternal grandmother) would have me over often, typically during the summer and winter vacations. I don't know much about my father's side of the family, but I am told that there was never any bad blood wrt our 'exodus' from Africa.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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My uncle is from Turkey, his first wife was black, we adored that woman, she was one of the coolest people I ever met and when I was a kid she visited Turkey she was treated like a celebrity. I think having had that experience as a kid maybe is why I grew up completely oblivious that racism is still a thing, a notion that startled me as an adult when I realized it to be true.

I want to preface this with: the racist comment came from my “cool” uncle. Came out of nowhere.

My wife is black and I’m white. The universe works in mysterious ways. We met each other in Phoenix AZ. My mom’s side of the family is from the same part of Ohio as my wife’s family. Like, our grandmas live 18 miles away from each other. Upon a family visit 2 years ago to Ohio, as we were making the rounds, we stopped at my aunt and uncle’s house. It was a great visit. We talked about life, relationships, work and family. ( I was not married to my wife yet) As we left to jump into the rental car to visit her uncle 2 hours away, we walked out to the porch to give hugs. A black cat approached us and began rubbing its head on our legs. My uncle looks down and goes “ oh yah..that’s Kunta Kinte, the neighbor’s cat...” My wife gave me the “ What. The. Fuck. Look” ...we hastened our goodbye and jumped into the car. 1 mile down the road she blurted out, “ that was almost the best family visit so far...almost.” She held on to the Kunta Kinte thing for about a day...I convinced her it was innocent and she willingly joined them again for dinner some days later.

TL;DR: My uncle referred to a black cat on his porch as Kunta Kinte to my black girlfriend during a family visit.

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