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What is something that shouldn’t be romanticized but is?

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The mafia, especially my Italian American friends who brag about having family that are "connected". My grandfather is in federal prison for extortion and I promise you there is nothing romantic about it.

1.1k points · 6 months ago

My mother once told me she had a wedding invitation signed by most of the local mob (this was ~25-30 years after her and dad got married) and immediately followed it up with "They're all dead or in jail now"

That kinda put it in perspective about what the eventual fate would be.

240 points · 6 months ago

There's a recent movie about gangsters called Live by Night with Ben Affleck (not that great but it was something to watch on a flight). Near the end, Affleck's character shows some remorse about killing rivals, and his sidekick comments something along the lines "none of these guys expected to see 40". That's what more gangster/crime movies should show, living in a violent world can lead to very short lives.

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A woman running away from her fiancé at the alter. So many commercials, movies, and tv shows. Maybe don’t agree to marry someone and then let everyone spend a ton of money and plan an entire wedding if you don’t want to marry him.

The Baxter. Funny movie about the other side. Michael Showalter was marrying Elizabeth Banks or something as the nice fiancee when her old flame comes and wins her back as he is left at the alter.

It's a cute spur thing but the reality is you end up sitting confused about what's next like end of The Graduate. Also all your friends and family now hate you for fucking up the event planned and paid for and presents purchased and money spent to celebrate for your wedding.

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4.0k points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

Falling in love with a 'bad boy' and hoping he'll 'change his ways' for you (or 'bad girl' for that matter).

Also, giving your 100% for someone who won't even take a second look at you, hoping that they'll realise how 'amazing' you are and fall for you.

Also, mindless loyalty, if someone has done you wrong, you're not obliged to stay and give out second chances!

630 points · 6 months ago

I find it insulting to enter a relationship in hopes of changing them. If you're not happy with how they are then find someone else.

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1.4k points · 6 months ago

Volatile relationships. So many girls I know fawn over Fifty Shades when it is the opposite of real BDSM and just abuse. Also, when that Eminem song "Love the way you lie" came out every girl I went to high school with had the lyrics on their facebooks as if they were romantic. I also see a lot of movies romanticize this type of relationship that is mostly based on the switching between verbal/physical abuse and intense sex. This is not healthy, people!

"Imma tie you to the bed and set this house on fire". Yup. Very romantic.

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220 points · 6 months ago

Preach. Real BDSM involves discussing boundaries ahead of time, careful planning, and safe words. A BDSM partner is not a mind reader who spontaneously does things without knowing how far your boundaries go.

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Street gangs and mafias.

4.8k points · 6 months ago

I'd like to add in Cartels. Like damn, I'm ashamed to say I got morbidly curious and watched cartel executions on LiveLeaks. There is some medieval torture going on in parts of the world, I'm glad I get to chill in my house like a normal guy.

Hey Carlito man, that's not loco, that's just fiscal irresponsibility

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1.5k points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

The gangster lifestyle in general. Having to deal with wannabe badasses antagonising me on the way home from work at 02:30 was not a part of my job description.

Edit: changed “my” to “me”

"I wanna show you how hard I am! I wanna explode all over you guys!"

-mac joins the mob

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501 points · 6 months ago

I work with youth in state custody and many of them dream of being in gangs, they idealize that lifestyle, almost all of them swear theyll be famous rappers soon. I follow up on some of them after they leave the program. Some of them are in prison now, so congrats on being a millionaire rapper. Some ended up dead in fields with gunshot wounds. The saddest thing is that many of them were introduced to that lifestyle by family, either siblings or sometimes even parents. I can remember a few who even wanted out, but they were so young they were still dependent on family members who were in gangs. I dunno..... sad stuff.

86 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

On a surface level, being in a gang will empower the disenfranchised. You get 'respect', money and some status. Grinding it out at a shit job while you try to work through school or learn your trade doesn't have a quick reward. It's a trap though. The flash these guys have access to is temporary. And If they get out of prison, they're in an even worse position.

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Pretty much all pieces of media that portray the mafia show them as funny or "badass" and people ignore the parts where they show how shit they make the lifes of people who have to deal with them.

Comment deleted6 months ago(76 children)

I like the Sopranos scene where Tony uses his influence over the corrupt mayor because he got a speeding ticket from a disrespectful patrolman. Later he sees the patrolman working at a florist, and he feels bad that he got the guy fired, and has a brief moment of anguish thinking about how he ruined this guy's life. But then the mayor tells him not to worry about it so he forget it. But there was a brief window of humanity where Tony reflected on the consequences of his asshole behaviors.

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Honestly, I think that's how you're supposed to take the scene. It's like glorifying Walter White. These all are evil people that destroy everything around them, and they should not be glorified, but the stupid will misinterpret that as being a "baddass, yeah!"

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926 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

This is something which you may not comprehend unless you grew up in a bad neighborhood.

I grew up in Brighton beach (in Brooklyn) when I first got here, and junkies and assholes jumped and robbed me and my friends on the regular. So naturally, we looked towards the local gangsters, they were tough, nobody fucked with them, even if everyone else in the neighborhood got fucked with. They were the only people who could ‘stop’ people fucking with you.

The first time I saw a local gangster literally just wave his hand and 2 junkies scattered away, I was in awe. That was power.

So yes, they are terrible people. But when your in that situation, it makes sense to look up to them. They were the only people who weren’t victimized by the crime in their neighborhood.

Thanks for bringing a personal experience to this thread, I don't agree with gang culture but it makes sense as to why it's so prominent in impoverished areas.

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2.2k points · 6 months ago

Lives of serial killers

Vice interviewed the girls on Twitter who obsesses over them like they would for a boyband. Like voting for who is the hottest and saying who’s they’d love to date. Crazy thing is they also say thier feminists despite worshipping guys who slaughtered and hated women specifically

The online 'true crime' community is terrifying, I've seen people making playlists, art, fanfiction etc. about getting with these serial killers. The columbine killers in particular seem to get a lot of attention, maybe because they were the same age as these teens? It's scary.

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4.1k points · 6 months ago


I don't think many people understand that hollow feeling in your chest when you've been without with any human contact for weeks

Or how your chest feels like it's caving in after you try to reach out and make contact only to be dismissed as annoying or needy. Chronic loneliness is so bad for your health- mental and physical.

I've had this problem for a while now, I've been going to therapy and slowly socializing more, and honestly, it's so important. I had a lot of unhealthy attitudes to myself, to socializing and to others that I've worked through, and still am working through.

Anxiety and loneliness isn't charming or relatable, it's painful. It's ok to share your weaknesses, but don't make them part of your identity. The goal should be to break free of them.

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"Why dont you go out and do stuff with friends?" Thats the whole fucking point...If i had those i would not be lonely!

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Having a farm. It’s a lot of hot, sweaty work that doesn’t care if you’re sick or tired. My college free spirited friends all wanted to live on one because it was “simple”

I can understand the "simple" kind of life these people seek, but it's a pretty unforgiving lifestyle... Had a lazy ex that had that dream and the awakening that would come with it would be interesting to watch. Also, sounds like you grew up on one? Thanks for growing/raising the stuff we use. :)

55 points · 6 months ago

Lmao if you're looking into making money off of a farm one of the first things you have to think about is how much labor your family can help with.

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Never changing an opinion.

4.3k points · 6 months ago

“The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” ― Muhammad Ali

Convincing people this will happen to them is strangely difficult, though. Most people seem to assume that they have all the information required to form a perfectly true and complete viewpoint on the world, people, morals, justice, etc.

Some variety of naive realism, I'm sure. And I imagine if your views change every twenty years or so, by twenty you've only really had time to have one set. By the time you've had to have different perspectives come and go, you start adding nuance.

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976 points · 6 months ago

This drives me nuts. It's even worse when you or someone else try to calmly and systematically change an opinion that's objectively wrong or misguided, and then their response is "well we'll just have to agree to disagree." No Linda, I don't agree that your kid should give mine chicken pox because you think the mercury in the vaccines will give them autism.

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Breaking up a woman's wedding because "she belongs with you"

4.1k points · 6 months ago

The "speak now or forever hold your peace" part of the wedding is meant for bringing up genuine reasons why the couple cannot legally marry each other (like if one of them is already married). It's not for dramatic proclamations of love.

1.5k points · 6 months ago

"Is there any reason these two should not be married?"

"Yeah, he's already married. I was waiting for the perfect time to bring it up, and right now, during this non-refundable, overpriced party, in front of everyone who paid hundreds of dollars to come here from across the country, well... this seems like the right time."

"hey guys the bride blew me in the closet like ten... Fifteen minutes ago. I shit you not. So... Deal with that however you wanna deal with it. I'm just gonna go. Thanks for the wine"

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Bursts into the church

STOP!!! He's no man, but a stack of three boys!!!

Princess Caroline and Vincent Adultman belong together!

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828 points · 6 months ago

I thought the phrase was dropped precisely because people kept misusing it.

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the combatants

Ah, I see you've met my ex.

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1.6k points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

...When's your wedding? I have an undying lesbian love confession to make.

It's not planned yet but I'll send you an invite

301 points · 6 months ago

TIFU by inviting Sarah to my wedding

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10.4k points · 6 months ago

Not taking no for an answer. The way Movies, romcoms in particular, play that as romantic is pretty off in reality.

2.2k points · 6 months ago

Seriously, literally chasing someone through an airport isn't romantic. It's fucking creepy at a point.

1.6k points · 6 months ago

You just have to change the male lead and the background music, and every romcom becomes a psychological thriller.

I'd love to see Hollywood remake Shallow Hal with reversed genders. It would be the biggest flop in history.

1.0k points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

Reminds me of a great Jimmy Carr bit:

I've recently written a romantic comedy. It's about a guy and a girl - classic. Initially, they hate each other - classic. But they end up in bed together - classic! ... It's called, "The Rapist"

Edit: For any that want more, here's some bonus Jimmy Carr - this is his What is the Most Offensive Joke bit, that he used to do at the end of his gigs (not sure if he does or not anymore)


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487 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

My SO tried arguing this with me once. I took the example of Ryan Gosling in 'Stupid, Crazy, Love' where he was hitting on Emma Stone in the club and she kept denying him. She claimed his persistence was sexy. I told her to imagine the same scene but with Steve Buscemi. The creep factor definitely changed when you alter the attractiveness of the instigator.

Edit: apparently, Steve Buscemi was a terrible choice for an example. I apologize to him and his fans

Replace either of those with Joe Dirt and you’ve got most bars in my area.

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2.4k points · 6 months ago

Thank you. My wife hates when I watch romantic comedies with her because I call this kind of thing out all the time. If a woman tells me she's not interested or doesn't want to see me then I will never approach her again. Life's too short to go after people who are clearly not into you.

Maybe she just hates that you're talking during the movie.

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9.1k points · 6 months ago

Anxiety suddenly I’m seeing a whole lot of people (Mainly YouTubers) pass it off as an edgy quirk. It’s really frustrating.

2.8k points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

I always thought I had anxiety until I saw it for what it really was (and what it could do).. and realized that I was totally wrong.

My fiancee suffered a horrible concussion at the end of 2016, and was misdiagnosed by two doctors shortly afterwards. 2 months later, she caught a lacrosse ball to the head and suffered another mild one.

Over the next 9 months, her personality changed completely. She became much more aggressive, her patience was non-existent, and her once sweet and understanding demeanor was replaced with cold, hard disdain.

About half way through said 9 month period, she developed vasovagosyncopy (which turned out to be genetic but had never manifested until then). It causes her blood pressure to drop unexpectedly sometimes, which causes fainting, vertigo, nausea, and so on. And it turns out that a combination of vasovago and altered brain chemistry due to the concussions can cause someone to develop a full blown anxiety disorder. :/

I've watched anxiety now turn the woman I love completely upside down - out of nowhere it will physically lock her down, send her careening off into mental loops about her health and safety, stop her from being able to do her job (which she loves dearly), make her force herself into isolationist behaviors, and so on. I do what I can to help but, as many of you probably know, there really isn't much that you can do when your SO is dealing with a disorder like this.

She got on meds a few months back for the first time which has helped immensely, and has brought a lot of her "former self" back. She has gotten much better at reading the signs her body is giving her, recognizing her triggers and knowing when attacks are coming, but every day is still an uphill battle for her now and it makes me feel horrible because there's nothing I can really do to make it better for her.

Most of the time, the only "help" I can provide is to stay out of the way. Fuck anxiety. :(

edit: Holy crap, the responses to this were totally unexpected. Thank you everyone for your support! I tried to answer some of them, and will try to answer more in the next day or two, but again: thank you all so very much.

We're getting married in November (just locked the venue and date the other day!) and are ready to face whatever else life has for us hand in hand, side by side, even with anxiety and concussions and whatever else on our plates. We are a team, we're best friends, and we love each other more than anything - we aren't afraid. And knowing that you guys and gals have our backs only makes us stronger. <3

454 points · 6 months ago

You are doing a really great job. Anxiety isn't a nice thing to live with. All you can do is be there for the other person and help them through it. I never know what I want when it hits. I wish there was an easy fix. I hate knowing others are suffering like I am. I'm not as serious as your wife because I've been dealing with this since I was 7/8 so I have coping methods, but I have my moments. If you can, get her into therapy. That will really help her in the long run. I need to go but it's too expensive and the nhs won't subsidise it for me. If love to have someone to talk to about it, but I just keep it to myself.

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1.5k points · 6 months ago

I will say that a lot of this comes from people thinking that being an anxious person is the same as anxiety. I feel anxiety (and many other mental/emotional issues) are often misrepresented

Anxiety is a normal human emotion so everyone experiences it to a degree. It’s anxiety disorders that aren’t normal.

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433 points · 6 months ago

They're probably misrepresented because they're named after things which are also regular emotions in people.

It it normal and expected for anyone to be anxious. It's not the same as anxiety. It's normal and expected for someone to be depressed every once and a while. It's not the same as depression.

Having these mental illnesses be named about regular feelings definitely alters people's understanding of it.

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These "kids suffering from cancer" shows. No, kids suffering from serious diseases doesn't make them "strong" or "fighters" or "inspirational". They're not waiting to be the plot of your dumb soap opera or empowering music video. They're just normal kids. They play, they're scared, they're angry, they love their parents and sometimes they hate them. And portraying them as stronger or braver than adults might just be a parent's wishful thinking. They are just more likely to bottle up their fears and being constantly told how strong they are might just make them keep their fears for themselves. It's okay to be weak sometimes.

59 points · 6 months ago

Reminds me of "please like so Jesus can save him" posts on Facebook. So fucking insulting to the poor child.

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I'll take the ironic one and say relationships in general. We expect way, WAY too much out of relationships, thanks in no small part to our media.

No one should expect a relationship to magically fulfill them, make them permanently happy, fix all of their issues, or force them to learn how to love themselves. People that expect this can have major relationship issues later down the road when they find out that no person is able to fill these holes in their own life.

Relationships can be great and having an S/O is a good thing, but if you can't be enough without one, you'll never be enough with one.

3.0k points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

Adding to this list, abusive behavior in relationships:

  • If someone put a tracking device on your phone to go after you this is not romantic (50 Shades of Gray).

  • If a woman throws something at her boyfriend or punches/slaps him during an argument this is not funny - it's domestic violence (90% of romantic comedies).

2.1k points · 6 months ago

Pretty much everything in 50 Shades of Grey is abusive.

Strip away the hot guy and money, throw in someone that looks like Steve Bucemi and lives in a trailer park, and I guarantee you that all the women who swoon over Christian Grey and claim him to be romantic and "a tortured soul" will suddenly be claiming that he's creepy and abusive.

3.0k points · 6 months agoGilded1 · edited 6 months ago

Fuck you, Steve Buscemi is a beautiful man.

Edit: Thank you for the gold, Mr Buscemi


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More than that, even good and healthy relationships will take a lot of hard work and involve a few fights. A lot of movies and tv shows have very idealized relationships and show fights as abnormal and the first sign of a failing relationship.

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After i got divorced i had such a hard time with life and was so unhappy. I would meet other people and go on dates and would be temporarily happy for a while, but always went back to sad....

After I finally truly realized and accepted what you said, my life got better tenfold. I think truly knowing that you’re just fine alone can make you a better partner and it sure as hell makes life easier. You tend to respect yourself more and make better choices about who you’re going to actually give your precious time too.

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523 points · 6 months ago

Happily ever afters. I say this because it's not what you get out of a relationship, it's what you both put into it. And shit happens constantly and as a couple you work through the shit together. If everything went good and happy forever, then that's just unrealistic.

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Overworking yourself.

People almost bragging that they have two full time jobs, go to school and have 3 kids. Like... no. That's not really something to feel proud about, it's not healthy for your mind or body. Don't get me wrong, being lazy is not good, but it is not good to work yourself to death.

1.6k points · 6 months ago

"Back in my day, I worked 3 awful jobs to support your mother and you don't hear me complaining."

You did complain, and that sounds like a shit life.

Yes I HATE those stories. You’re literallly complaining right now

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Legit same. I work 9 to half 5 and that's it. While the extra money is nice for overtime it's barely worth it and you get no thanks for it. I'd rather go home and live my life and enjoy my evening. What's the point in stressing yourself in life?

I hate when people say I have 'the life of Riley' (not sure if it's a phrase used anywhere else but in Ireland, it's a phrase use to mean someone lives stress free and does whatever they want). Yeah you're damn right I do. I don't have kids, I play video games, I work a full time job and I travel whenever I want cause I have the money. I'm a woman in her mid 30's and I like my life the way it is. Why would I change it?!

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At work people look down on me for only working 8 hours.

If I finished my work why would I stay?

They're not going to reward you anyways

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The starving artist lifestyle. Fuck you, Rent.

The whole “you must suffer to produce great work” mentality is so fucking toxic. Yea great adversity has always spawned great art, but you don’t get to fucking shame me for being economically independent and successful

I saw an article on some tragic artist where just about everything in his life was awful, but his work was amazing. They talked about the brief time in his life when things were ok and said something like "Surprisingly, the work from this period of his life is considered his best."

No duh. While knowing what it's like to struggle can sometimes help improve art through new perspective or strong emotional content, being in the process of suffering doesn't make your art better. Being stressed and sad and miserable doesn't leave you with the time or energy you need to work at your full potential.

Skipping meals in a draughty, cramped unheated apartment doesn't make your art more legitimate. My friend and I are both very poor, but would both be considered artists. We worked in "real jobs" but simply couldn't keep up with a runaway rent and bills situation.

The amount of people we knew who romanticised our situation was a frequent source of irritation. I was a proud person, and often it felt like they were simply going " you're poor but that's okay because you can draw, so that's expected"

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its also kinda interesting cuz a lot of famous artists, especially the more older ones, were super rich or had access to wealth.

And fucking EVERYONE has connections. Even the ones that didn’t start with connections came into them before they got their big break.

No one “just” writes the Great American Novel or paints the next Mona Lisa or kickstarts an architectural revolution. There’s ALWAYS someone helping them along.

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1.2k points · 6 months ago

Added to that the idea that if an artists knowingly does something, such as write song they know will sell commercially they are selling out. Well my answer to that is if so called 'selling out' will give you the funds so you can live and work harder on your artistic projects over time. God dam sell out for a bit.

Ooooh my god the concept of “selling out” is fucking ridiculous. Like, yea, some artists did have really strong anti-establishment ideals that they surrendered in favor of a payday. But nowadays whenever ANYONE hits it big people cry sellout. Sellout to what motherfucker?? The starving artist routine? Yea i guess they did give that the fuck up

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3.9k points · 6 months ago

Apocalypses. There's an insane amount of crazy fanboys/fangirls that want a zombie apocalypse, a nuclear war, or some huge natural disaster to happen, because they think it will play out like it does in movies, TV series, and games.

2.3k points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

Even if they did play like in our Media, most apocalypses start with 90% of the population dead, and they're probably going to be in the 90%.

You could say they have a 90% chance.

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I think for a lot of people it's a power fantasy and having a forced fresh start with all your old problems having disappeared. I know, I thought about this sort of thing when I was clinically depressed - it seemed like the “perfect“ way to either die without it being my fault or leave my old life behind and change without having to deal with the negative stigma attached.

Of course no one thinks about the reality of watching your family die (slowly), being unable to survive on your own and the whole mountain of new problems that replace the old ones you left behind.

I'm also someone who was big on these power fantasies during the worst of my depression. The way you've explained the appeal of it is spot on.

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Or better yet, they think they’d survive through to the fallout phase. If only a few million people survive a zombie outbreak, statistically you won’t be one of them. As the number of initial survivors decreases, just getting to the point where you get to realize you actually have no idea how to survive in a post apocalyptic world would be like winning the lottery.

466 points · 6 months ago

Realistically the people who survive are going to be the preppers who live away from population centers. They've got the food and water stockpiles, the solar panels and battery banks, the guns and ammo, the bunker and air filters ect ect. Besides all the stuff you can buy they've propably got the skills and know how from reading up and researching what plants in their area are edible, how to set up a snare for small animals ect. And they don't have to worry about 7 million people flooding into their area because a city is a death trap and ppl want to get out.

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  • Any type of mental illness.

  • Being on the Autism Spectrum: It comes at a price.

  • Certain decades without remembering that life back then had it's own challenges (60s - Cold War, 80s - AIDS).

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5.9k points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

Not sleeping.

Some people think of it as a badge of honor and something to brag about to others like, "Oh you're tired, I only got an hour of sleep." It's not really great or healthy at all.

508 points · 6 months ago

I'm an insomniac. If I don't take trazadone, I stay up for days. My best friend got into a mini argument with her boyfriend over this, because he said he was jealous of being able to stay awake for days on end, but she corrected him, saying (rightly) that after day one I'm a complete mess, and by the end of day 2, I'm hallucinating, and I don't have any extra energy.

This really scares me, because lack of sleep is linked to Alzheimer's and dementia, and I've been this way for a lot of my life, pretty much since I became a teenager. What's worse is that I saw my favorite person, the woman who raised me the most, disintegrate in less than a year from the disease, and it's always in the back of my mind

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6.8k points · 6 months agoGilded1

Came here to say this. Just got out of the Air force after 6 years and my nephew wants to join the Marines because he thinks it's like halo and all badassery and shooting. Im about ready to beat the stupid out of that boy.

He can join the military, I'll endorse that, but not with such a fucked up idea of what he's signing up for.

There's no heroes in war. Just people who just want to go home killing other people who just want to go home.

1.6k points · 6 months agoGilded1

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,

Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,

Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs,

And towards our distant rest began to trudge.

Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots,

But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;

Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots

Of gas-shells dropping softly behind.

Gas! GAS! Quick, boys!—An ecstasy of fumbling

Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time,

But someone still was yelling out and stumbling

And flound’ring like a man in fire or lime.—

Dim through the misty panes and thick green light,

As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.

In all my dreams before my helpless sight,

He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams, you too could pace

Behind the wagon that we flung him in,

And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,

His hanging face, like a devil’s sick of sin;

If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood

Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,

Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud

Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,—

My friend, you would not tell with such high zest

To children ardent for some desperate glory,

The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est

Pro patria mori

-Wilfred Owen

I love this poem. I passed by Flanders Fields recently and it sprung to mind. I prefer Suicide in the Trenches by Siegfried Sasson though :

I knew a simple soldier boy
Who grinned at life in empty joy,
Slept soundly through the lonesome dark,
And whistled early with the lark.

In winter trenches, cowed and glum,
With crumps and lice and lack of rum,
He put a bullet through his brain.
No one spoke of him again.

You smug-faced crowds with kindling eye
Who cheer when soldier lads march by,
Sneak home and pray you'll never know
The hell where youth and laughter go.

That last paragraph hits me everytime.

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292 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

I read this poem in high school and it always stuck with me. For those wondering ‘Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori’, translates roughly to ‘to die for your country, there is no greater honour’.

Edit: a few people saying the proper translation is ‘sweet and proper to die for ones fatherland’. Slightly different to what I was taught

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You can't blame him, it's what we love to glorify as a culture. And we love to glorify it so little boys can grow up thinking they can go over seas to kill strangers without feeling anything. And thinking they'll be rewarded for it.

763 points · 6 months ago

A hero of war, that's what I'll be

492 points · 6 months ago


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4.8k points · 6 months ago

Stalking. It's not romantic, it's terrifying.

If I ever wake up with someone I haven't even kissed sitting on the end of my bed and watching me sleep, I'm calling the police and screaming the place down. That is not cute.

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792 points · 6 months ago

Yandere is fun to watch, but nobody should actually think that's a good type of person.

I actually knew a guy with a yandere girlfriend. Nobody knew until they broke up. Then he woke up with knife wounds and her leaning over him.

Luckily, he survived, she was caught. It's good she clearly sucked at murder, because she got his neck and sides and somehow didn't do organ damage.

What's a "yandere"?

188 points · 6 months ago

Obsessive about a S/O until you are literally willing to kill over it. Let's say a random girl talks to a guy who has a yandere stalker (it doesn't have to be S/O). She might legit go after that random girl for talking to her object of obsession

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206 points · 6 months ago

Swans. Those creatures are pure evil.

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Autism and other mental issues in TV. No, it will mot make you a better doctor. No bipolar will not make you a better CIA analyst. Schizophrenia will not make you a better computer programer.

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Romeo and Juliet is actually a really fucked up story

It was supposed to be, in a way. They called it lovesick for a reason.

697 points · 6 months ago

He was lovesick, then he was lovedead.

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476 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

The moral of Romeo and Juliet is not "love triumphs over all", it's "if you can't let go of your hatred people around you are going to suffer and die for stupid reasons". The Prologue literally spells this out for you

Also they're like 13 and 14 respectively, and even Shakespeare thought that was weird

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1.2k points · 6 months ago

It's a tragedy, not a romance despite how some people treat it.

It starts with a Rape joke; Mercutio being a Bro and trying to get his Buddy some rebound sex; then in a move that makes Twilight look good they spend the rest of the play talking about HOW in love they are but nothing about WHY they love it other.

A great tradegdy that basicly warns about the perils of Teenagers going overboard in a relationship and it's used as the Ur example of "Twu Wuv" stories.

The other one I run into is people going 'They were warned and everything. They didn't listen to the adults and look what happened."

Yeah, that's the point. Kids are stupid and they're going to run off and hump. Are you so stupid that you'd rather they be dead than be humping your enemy?

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286 points · 6 months ago

This yes. It is the story of two foolish teenagers getting themselves killed for their "high school crush" leaving both their families devastated. I mean, Shakespear refers to them as "star-crossed lovers", meaning that they were specifically not meant to be together, not just because of their families but because of destiny. Shakespear did not intend them to be viewed as a perfect couple or anything, just a sad double suicide.

There's also that whole subtext of their parents being vengeful idiots for getting their kids killed over a stupid family rivalry. This gets glossed over an awful lot on here when the subject comes up.

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9.8k points · 6 months agoGilded1

Alcoholism. It isn't some beautiful, chiseled, thin fucker with perfect skin pulling a flask out of his pocket and taking a quick swig while he's moodily solving some dramatic mystery or whatever.

It's a tidal wave of shame as your pale fingers look for the open bottle on the nightstand so you can take that first swig of the morning and stop the shakes. It's trying not to shit yourself in public because your bowels and eating habits have become so erratic. It's knowing that you stink like vodka but literally nothing you can do can get rid of the stink. It's walking into work and having coworkers say "you look like shit" after what you thought was a GOOD day. It's not romantic and it's no way to live.

446 points · 6 months ago

I currently work in a restaurant and have had a few experiences where people are shit faced in the middle of the day making a scene, clearly an alcoholic, and people think it's funny and laugh. It's not, it's sad.

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3.0k points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

The "Don Draper having a whiskey at 11 am smoking a hand rolled cigarette in a tailored suit and perfect hair" isn't the correct image of alcoholism. You're pretty on point with this.

Edit: sounds like I need to finish Mad Men lol

1.4k points · 6 months agoGilded1

It can start like that though.. before the alcohol takes its toll on your appearance and health. Sometimes suave and sexy people drink and look cool doing it.. until they get older and their faces get puffy and red, and their bodies start deteriorating. You can only cruise on youth and genetics for so long and your body has just had enough of your shit

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This absolutely gets addressed in Mad Men though. One of the guys pisses himself in a meeting and Don hits rock bottom.

Not to mention Duck Philips, who ruins his life and relationships after picking up the bottle again.

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Mad Men does show the absurdity of this mentality of the time in the show. One particular scene stands out when he and peggy are at the office and Don is puking his guts out in the bathroom. Peggy is trying to help him out. Peggy’s kind of lover(?) shows up and confronts Don. Don has puke on his shirt but it isn’t acknowledged, it’s just accepted attire pretty much. Much like leaving your picnic trash out in the park and not caring. The show was great at pointing this stuff out.

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I remember those days... started every morning with 2 or 3 shots. Then kept drinking all day long

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Can confirm. Recovering alcoholic, and when I was drinking, I wasn’t the life of the party, banging chicks left and right, or drinking rock stars under the table. I was drinking alone while playing video games to try and forget how much I hated my job. I was so bored a lot of times I made up a drinking game for watching my screen saver. The one time I almost died wasn’t from anything cool, I passed out in the tub while leaving a kettle on the gas stove.

A lot of alcoholics are just losers, and drinking makes them more of a loser, not less.

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Came here to say this. I’m an avid reader and watcher of films, and so suicide and death had always been extremely romanticized in my experience. Then, I took a job transporting for my local medical examiner’s office. Cutting a guy down who had been hanging from a beam in his shed while his engorged tongue nearly brushes my face and insects crawl and fly around isn’t exactly what you see in movies. It’s awful. Movies rarely portray what happens within the first 24 hours after death. People don’t just lie there beautifully and serenely after they kill themselves. Whether it’s hanging, gunshot, overdose, or jumping, it’s always terrible. I’ll never forget having to explain to a crying mother why I have to take her son away, and why she can’t see her kid before I do. It may seem like the only solution at the time, but, in the time that I was a transporter, there had always been someone crying at the scene of a suicide. Someone cares about you, whether you think so or not. It’s not romantic or poetic, regardless of what movies make it out to be, and it hurts the people around those who’ve killed themselves.

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715 points · 6 months ago

When I attempted suicide at 14, my parents stuck like glue to my side when I was in the emergency room. But when the ER nurses asked me something along the lines of "do you know you could have died?" (Don't remember the specifics; I was delirious and only remember bits and pieces of that day) and they learned that it was in fact intentional, they immediately whisked my parents away and called the police, who interrogated them. Apparently hospital staff assumed that I tried to kill myself because my parents were abusing me.

Scarring your family for life, watching your father sob and knowing that it's because of you... I never have and likely never will feel anything more soul-crushing. If you are considering suicide, please please seek help. Even if it feels pointless.

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1.4k points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

People imagine that others will realize their crime against you and everyone will become permanently gloomy after they learn you're dead. Nope that is not the case. The spell will remain a couple of days and then there will "recovery" encouragement among friends and acquaintances and people will move on. The only one hurt is your family.

Edit: And people you're a significant part of life. Who care about you.

Edit2: C'mon people I'm not talking about how ALL the suicide cases are like. 😧 I gave a scenario on a romanticized suicide thought. You can tell that atleast.

13 Reasons Why on Netflix - horrible, irresponsible show.

It’s a suicide fantasy. A girl commits revenge-suicide because she has a tough year at school (you know, to teach all the bad people a lesson), and she gets to narrate and observe as voice-over while everybody suffers due to her death.

What a dangerous way to portray suicide to teenagers.

What teen doesn’t have the thought at some point - “fuck all of them. What if I just killed my self? THEN they’d be sorry.”

Not a good notion to reinforce in a tv show targeted at 14 year olds.

What annoyed me most in the show was why this guy needs weeks to listen to a few hours of audio. He makes up most of the show's drama himself. 90% of the events wouldn't have taken place if he had finished it in the first two nights.

The whole premise was also pretty unrealistic: As if the whole school would still have it as some kind of hovering menace, since literally everyone is involved and feels guilty and tries to hide it.

You're right, for an angsty teen it could reinforce those 'if I were dead, that would show them!' suicidal thoughts. In reality, a handful people would miss you terribly and those who caused your misery wouldn't care at all.

288 points · 6 months ago

FYI in the book he listens to the tapes in 1 or 2 nights I can’t remember.

pretty sure it’s one night. also, i felt like the book pushed that “suicide isn’t good” moral better than the show, because while i did enjoy the show, there’s no denying that it accidentally came across as “hate that guy for accidentally nudging you? KILL YOURSELF to get back at him!”

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315 points · 6 months ago

I read the book some years before it was adapted into the Netflix show and really really hated it. Received some downvotes on r/books when I said that's not how suicide works. Maybe my comment was poorly-worded but this was what I was trying to say. I've read better fictions dealing with the issue than 13 Reasons Why.

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704 points · 6 months ago

I think if you grow up being middle class - poor. I am well under the standard of living or whatever it's called, and have been for maybe the last four years. I've been far worse than I've been now, but I'm lucky in that I've only had myself to support. (in my experience) Some people romanticize being in your 20s and broke. It's not fun not being able to afford the subway. Or healthy groceries (black beans and rice go a long way though). Or seeing friends. Being poor sucks.

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3.9k points · 6 months ago

Mental illness.

I have OCD. You're a prisoner of your own mind. When you have OCD, you don't trust your memories, you don't trust yourself, your mind jumps to the worst possible conclusion even when logically it doesn't make any sense, but the fear of its possibility chains you. So you perform rituals or odd little behaviors to deactivate the thoughts so just for a little while, you can unlock those chains and feel a sense of relief, but it always come back. I take full self responsibility though, ultimately I have no one to blame and I know I'm strong enough to outgrow these stupid stupid thought patterns.

But "I need to have my papers in order haha I'm so OCD," fucking infuriates me. It's not the job of the rest of the world to adjust their behavior to please me, it's my own fault for letting it get to me though.

One of the comics I read regularly has a character with OCD, and it became a running joke in the vein of "LOL so wacky!" But, having known someone that battled OCD, every single one of those jokes just made me think "It's not like that and this shit isn't funny..."

It isn't funny or humorous. I have a friend who suffers OCD. His is mostly about his clothes: the colors, the textures, the designs, etc. And his shoes. He agonizes constantly and will suppress the overwhelming urge to change until he cant and runs home to change. Sometimes he has up to ten changes of clothes/shoes in his car.

Since he's strictly a jeans/tshirt/flannel shirt guy, there isn't a lot of variety, but watching the agonies he suffers daily is awful. He has other areas that's affected (such as soap rituals) but they aren't as overwhelming as the clothes/shoes thing.

So when I hear someone say they are OCD over some trivial little aspect of their life, my insides curdle and I feel like screaming.

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I relate to your comment so much. I have OCD but it specifically manifests itself as extreme hypochondria. It’s so invasive and all consuming. I think I’m having a good day and then suddenly I’m obsessing about cancer and death, again. Or about my boyfriend dying. It’s awful and horrible and people who say ‘Oh I’m a bit OCD’ have no idea how debilitating it can be.

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116 points · 6 months ago

Your brain is convinced that it can alter the very fabric of reality and there isn't much you can do to convince the bastard otherwise. It's exhausting frankly.

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712 points · 6 months ago

Keeping after a woman after she turns you down.

No, stalking won't win her over.

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Stalking. That is stalking in romantic comedies. It's always seen as cute as the awkward guy who falls in love with whatever quirky girl is having a tough time following her around town. He always gets in misadventures as he tails her. But, honestly, stalking is creepy. I don't care what pop song you play in the background.

“Every breath you take”

"Every move you make"

"I'll be watching you"

271 points · 6 months ago

I read somewhere that Sting was so puzzled as to why people perceived this song as romantic when it was intended to be creepy and stalkerish. Not sure if that info is true though, it came from reddit.

109 points · 6 months ago

"...Sting explained: "I think it's a nasty little song, really rather evil. It's about jealousy and surveillance and ownership." Regarding the common misinterpretation of the song, he added: "I think the ambiguity is intrinsic in the song however you treat it because the words are so sadistic. On one level, it's a nice long song with the classic relative minor chords, and underneath there's this distasteful character talking about watching every move. I enjoy that ambiguity. I watched Andy Gibb singing it with some girl on TV a couple of weeks ago, very loving, and totally misinterpreting it. (Laughter) I could still hear the words, which aren't about love at all. I pissed myself laughing."

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1.5k points · 6 months ago

Eating disorders. Specifically anorexia. So many people think it's a diet and it's beautiful and desirable - It's not. It's terrifying and dangerous and deadly and I wish more people realized that.

358 points · 6 months ago

I recently saw a film about anorexia where the main characters moves into a house where a group of anorexics live "on their own" under the supervision of a psychologist as a treatment method. One of the girls in the house is pregnant, and she really wants to keep the kid and is trying her hardest to keep eating in order to not loose him. But in the end the need to purge herself is too strong and she ends getting a natural abortion. I think it made a very clear point about how fucked up this disease can be and the extent it can affect the ones who suffer it.

to the bone? that movie was good but could've been so much better.

141 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

I thought that the way that movie portrayed anorexia was kinda weird. The main character looked cool and almost glamorous with nice hair and good makeup. Photos of her are being spread on the internet as "thinspiration".

And she was portrayed as witty and clever. But in reality someone who is dangerously underweight usually doesn't have the energy to be clever. When the starving body runs out of fat it starts to consume the brain. This is why "brain fog" is a common side-effect of starvation.

But my biggest gripe with this movie is the fact that they actually had the actress Lily Collins lose a drastic amount of weight. It's especially irresponsible considering that she's a recovering anorexic. Getting underweight is a very bad idea for someone who has suffered from anorexia in the past, as fasting can re-trigger the disease.

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The old west. I love a good western myself, but the reality is that it was a very hard life for pretty much everyone who went west. Families were killed in conflicts with natives, natives were killed by the thousands by disease or by violence with whites and with other tribes that were moving to avoid whites. Chinese were brought in by the boat load to build the railroads and were often abused, raped, and killed because they were different. Diseases were rampant in towns and cities which often had a single water source that could be contaminated by a dead animal or someone taking a shit in the wrong place. Families that moved west seeking greener pastures often settled in places with horrible farming land and ended up dying out.

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For some reason, Reddit loves depression

My Dad has depression, you don't realize how much it affects your life until you grow up and talk to freinds about childhood.

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Omg Im so ADD!!

ugh, my OCD is acting up.

Today was so up and down, Im really bi-polar!

Plus saying shit like "oh ADD must be nice since you're so spontaneous/crazy/random/whatever." Fuck you, it's really not that great. The insomnia sucks, having you repeat something 3 times because I can't focus on what you're saying is annoying, and if something isn't in the "now" then I ignore it until it's probably too late (makes long term planning nearly impossible.)

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4.6k points · 6 months ago

The Joker and Harley Quinn's "romance".

Too many people really don't understand the Harley Quinn character, they pay more attention to her looks than to her background. Harley is a domestic abuse victim with a severe case of Stockholm syndrome. Joker physically abuses Harley on a frequent basis, especially when his plans fall through, he takes his anger out on her through physical abuse.

And the Joker is a murderous, sadistic, women-beating psychopath who gets joy by doing harm to others.

Nothing about that relationship is romantic, sweet, or charming.

At one point he locks her in a freezer full of corpses in her outfits and says "you werent the first, you definitely wont be the last".

Jesus, that's chilling.

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153 points · 6 months ago

Wait, what? Which comic is this in?

Managed to find it. Looks to be [Suicide Squad (Volume 4) Issue 15](, the exact scene is this

Holy fucking shit. How could anyone less than a psychopath relate to the Joker?

Because I’m cool and edgy bro

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My god, this is exactly what i was explaining to my sister after watching Suicide Squad. No one fucking understands this, why do people think that kind of relationship is even decent to think about?!

1.5k points · 6 months ago

To be fair, it's hard to understand anything from Suicide Squad.

Can't understand the plot if there is no plot!

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He literally debated whether or not going back in the chemical pool to save her when she was drowning was a good idea. I think girls just like Margot Robbies Quinn outfit.

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Harley Quinn + Poison Ivy is so much healthier and more supportive. They accept each other as who they are, and accept that they are responding for making sure their own toxic traits don't hurt each other when possible.

I'm imagining a Thelma and Louise-esque movie where Poison Ivy breaks Harley out of Iron Heights and they hunt down Joker.

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If people are going to emulate any DC relationship then I nominate Artemis and Kid Flash

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151 points · 6 months ago

Trying to wear someone down. Like I get it, you like the person but if it's clear they don't like you in the same way, you shouldn't still be there for them on command whenever they need you. Have some self respect and realize when you're just being used. It's not real love if you have to earn it. Love is a choice, not a chore.

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Cheating/extreme winter/summer romances

Rom-Coms are so shit for making cheating seem neat all the time, the one partner is boring, or mean, or etc. So our poor protagonist seeks fullment in the arms of another and it's all songs and flowers. It's never the person cheating being a terrible person or the person they are cheating with turns out to be a really terrible person.

The whole younger woman / older man is always made to seems so innocent in media, but in reality it's kind of gross when the 85 yr old buys the 21 yr old toy.

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197 points · 6 months ago

And how people are suddenly glorified and all their flaws forgiven just because they're dead, or dying, or have some terrible condition. I don't want anyone to suffer or whatever but that doesn't suddenly make them a great person

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Being "awkward". I was awkward and socially off in highschool, and high school me would have done almost anything to not be so out-there.

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2.5k points · 6 months ago

Marriage. Not the fact of getting married itself, but rather, rushing it. Everywhere I look people are either marrying right out of college or lamenting the fact they aren't. Stop it.

I'm Indian and in my culture not getting married asap is seen as some kind of social taboo. I'm visiting after a decade and all people can comment on is my unmarried status.

897 points · 6 months ago

I come from a pretty traditional Mexican family and am basically all but called a slut. "How many girls do you need to sleep with before you become a man." As if my life is some Hugh Hefner fantasy every night (it fucking isnt). Mostly as I grew older like most you start hearing truths. Who cheated on who, who abuses who, and whos an addict. I mostly feel its people being pissed I didn't jump down the well also and pump out 3 kids before I knew who the fuck I was as a person.

My grandma finally layed off after one interaction years back.

"What if I die and never see you get married?"

"What if you die seeing me unhappy because you needed validation?"

295 points · 6 months ago

BOOM, grandma got shut down!

220 points · 6 months ago

She literally wont mention marriage around me since. I feel bad that shes upset. Not bad that I said it.

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296 points · 6 months ago

Ancient Hunter-Gatherer societies. They did not "live in harmony with nature" and all that nonsense.

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Pirates are often romanticized in books, movies and television shows but they were pretty horrible people. They caused lots of damage and pillaged their way across the seas.

pillaged their way across the seas

I know this contradicts your point, but I can’t read that phrase without adding a pirate accent.

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723 points · 6 months ago

To be fair, a lot of the crew of the ships they pillaged didn't sign up for it. They were taken, told they had volunteered, and put on the first boat out to work.

Getting attacked by pirates meant being freed. These pirates didn't live under much better conditions if at all, but at least they were there by choice. And now, after being liberated in a sense, the crew of the old ship was too.

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Do what you want ‘cause a pirate is free

You are a pirate!


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Not taking care of yourself.

"I stayed up all night working on this project" doesn't mean you're some Einstein scribbling equations on your walls. "Pushing through the pain" doesn't mean panting while sweat rolls off your perfectly toned muscles, it means falling over halfway through a workout because you tore something important and didn't pay attention to your body going 'hey, fucking STOP IT'.

Yep. one too many motivational videos about how you should push past your limits and i dropped about 200lbs on my face when my arm gave out.

i dropped about 200lbs


on my face when my arm gave out.


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Some mental illnesses I feel are kinda romanticized. Like being schizophrenic means you have a normal life, but ignore the people talking to you who aren't here. You ask the people around you " is this person there?" And they politely tell you yes or no with adoration and awe in your struggle. Or the people with ocd are viewed as quirky for having to have their pencils aligned on their desk. In reality that person could have a hard time holding down a job because they are late all the time for having to lock their door a certain way over and over again. Or a person with autism being a savant of some sort, and not a weird person people don't understand and actually try to avoid because awkward conversation is awkward for everyone involved.

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839 points · 6 months ago

Speeding through traffic to catch a loved one/ car chases in movies / speeding with a sports car to impress someone.. basically any traffic violation that is romanticized in movies and puts a whole lot of people in danger..

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Third world countries. We aren't "exotic". We are just people trying to recover from the shittiest situation people long dead put us into.

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