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Posted by2 months agoGilded1

You will get $10 million cash but Samuel L Jackson will be there to shout "motherfucker" for every dollar you spend, will you be happy? And Why?

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11.0k points · 2 months ago

If you just invest it, never touch it, and just spend the actual capital gains/interest does that count as spending the dollars for the motherfuckers?

4.0k points · 2 months ago

I imagine the motherfuckers would start the moment you hand over your cash to the bank. That, or a philosophical discussion on the nature of money.

Edit: typo

2.1k points · 2 months ago · edited 2 months ago

10 million motherfuckers in a row, is he Allowed to sleep or does it have to be continuous because I might need to get a paramedic on site.

2.0k points · 2 months ago

In a row? What about all of them at the same time? One massive motherfucker that'll make the whole city deaf.

929 points · 2 months ago

It would sound like a muthafuckin bomb went off in the city.

What kind of a muthafucka would do that?

185 points · 2 months ago

My guess would be one crazy muthafucka

Son of a muthafucka.

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242 points · 2 months ago

It happens all at once like when you play multiple audio files at once on multiple audio channels. The sonic blast created from the super position of 10 million motherfuckers would probably kill you and destroy everything within several miles.

193 points · 2 months ago

Not really how sound works, if you put him yelling motherfucker 10 million times over each other it's still the same power for each motherfucker, so the fact you're layering them together doesn't do much for total loudness. It wouldn't be pleasant, but it probably wouldn't even cause permanent hearing damage let alone death or property damage.

43 points · 2 months ago

I'm thinking of super position, doesn't that combine indefinitely? I've been in an auditorium full of screaming idiots (some high school event) and after a point the screaming turned into a single tone that made me feel like my ears were bleeding. There's also that documentary on the WW2 sound cannon so at some point those sound waves should be enough to kill you.

I imagine that mechanically every "motherfucker" happens all at once because you made the $10 million transaction all at once, but the rule is that he said motherfucker for every individual dollar spent. So I imagine some unknown mechanic will allow mr SLJ to vocalize 10 million motherfuckers at once.

=

Just as likely as me receiving 10 million dollars for no reason ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Some napkin math: Even if we assume they all constructively interfere with each other (aka it builds in intensity as much as possible), it still isn't that bad. Lets assume that every motherfucker alone is about 78 dB, which assumes he's shouting 3 feet away from you which is about the worst case scenario (https://www.engineeringtoolbox.com/voice-level-d_938.html).

An increase in intensity by a factor of 10 million should be an increase by 70 decibels because it's a logarithmic scale, so now we're at 148 dB. That's about at the limit for "intolerable sound," but a short exposure shouldn't cause permanent damage and it certainly wouldn't cause any physical damage or be harmful to anyone more than say a couple yards away. Definitely worth it for 10 million dollars, especially if you could plan ahead and bring good earplugs.

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218 points · 2 months ago

Doesnt say for every dollar OF THE 10 MILLION.

Your capital gains, your money you had before the deal, all money spent till you die will have Sam shouting profanities at you.

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Original Poster263 points · 2 months ago

Loophole

121 points · 2 months ago · edited 2 months ago

On a similar note, what if you have someone else spend it on your behalf? Like, you hire someone (using your own money) to spend the money from the ten million according to your directions.

He starts shouting at the person you hired.

So like IT Follows but in this case it's a large black man

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That's where the decoy Samuel L. Jackson comes in with the decoy "motherfuckers" cause it's still based on the original $10 million and you would not have the gains/interest without it.

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I wouldn’t spend a single dollar in the hopes that it keeps the miracle that is Sam Jackson alive until he has yelled for every dollar that I’ll never spend.

120 year old Sam Jackson screaming "WHY WON'T YOU MUFFUKAS LET ME DIE" would be both funny and sad

249 points · 2 months ago

That's sadnny

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Just spend $9,999,999

You just spent 9,999,999 of his 10,000,000 HP

watch out for those trash mobs sam!

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It would probably only take about a year. 10,000,000 seconds is around four months, so we can multiply that by 3 to give him time to eat and sleep.

If you're spending money while he eats, does he yell with his mouth full? What if he's asleep? Does he just suddenly wake up yelling motherfucker?

3am Sits straight up in bed "MOTHERFUCKER....zZZzZz

101 points · 2 months ago

Goddamn auto debit payment for Planet Fitness

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It takes approx 1.3 seconds to say mother fucker. So if we ignored sleep, eating, and everything and you instantly spent 10mil it would take about 150-155 days to say it constantly.

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26.1k points · 2 months ago

So if I spend $50, he's there shouting motherfucker 50 times? I feel like I'd enjoy it way more than he would. He'd probably lose his voice by the end of the day.

12.7k points · 2 months ago · edited 2 months ago

$50, fuck man buy a house make him say it 500,000 times in a row.

7.3k points · 2 months ago

So I was curious.

If we assume 0,5 mfps (motherfucker per second) it will take him more than 11 days non stop.

If you wanted to be truly evil, go play some 5 cent slot machines. He'd have to meticulously count each coin, so he only says "motherfucker" once per dollar spent.

Then if you win a few dollars back, he'd probably say a genuine "motherfucker!" to that too.

I can see it now, $35 in to penny slots and he miscounted. "Motherfucker!"

You miscounted motherfucker!

MOTHERFUCKER!

75 points · 2 months ago

motherfucker

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66 points · 2 months ago

fuck yeah this is awesome and evil.

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1.5k points · 2 months ago

$500,000 times?

That's almost enough to get you a house in Seattle

1.9k points · 2 months ago · edited 2 months ago

Oh my sweet summer child, that's almost enough to buy a one bedroom bungalow with dry rot and a cavalcade of semi-demesticated raccoons in Seattle.

Edit: I have never made a tpyo in my life.

If you can only afford it with five roommates you are in San Francisco!

Seriously. Seattle makes most of the US look dirt cheap, but San Francisco proper is almost double ($820k to $1.5m).

Then there is Vancouver, which is bizarrely even more expensive but with no real economy to back it up. So much real estate speculation from asia. There is going to be a massive collapse next time China goes into recession.

I’m from Fayetteville, NC and $500,000 here buys you like a new 5 or so bedroom 3 bath 3 car garage mini mansion lol.

Cole World

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50 points · 2 months ago

Cant wait!

Battle Plan:

1- Wait for Chinese economic recession

2- Obtain a small loan of 1 million dollars

3- Buy some Vancouver

4- Wait

5- Sell/rent out owned portions of Vancouver

6- Become a reality TV star

7- ???

8- Become President of the United States of America

256 points · 2 months ago

buy some Vancouver

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As a 21 year old Vancouver native wanting to live in my home city..... Halp me....

Have you considered living out of a garbage can?

Garbage can is still 1200/mo.

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a cavalcade of semi-demesticated raccoons in Seattle.

Like raccoons come that cheap.

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I didn't say a good house

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If we assume 1 mother fucker per second on average, and then we remember there are 86,400 seconds per day, that means youd have him yelling mother fucker in your ear for almost 6 days straight with no break. I'd buy the best noise cancelling headphones that money can buy first...

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209 points · 2 months ago

I'd buy a bulk size of cough drops for him, he'll be needing them soon enough

82 points · 2 months ago

“Motherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfuckermotherfucker... thank you.”

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421 points · 2 months ago · edited 2 months ago

No, It would be all at once. $50 purchase would involve 50 motherfuckers overlaid each other. That way you would have to decide whether that brand new sports car is worth the risk of going deaf from 50k motherfuckers.

205 points · 2 months ago

Your comment reminds me of me as a young child when I thought my grandfather was death, rather than deaf. I had an interesting conversation with my grandmother about the difference lol

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THankfully, sound is pretty logarithmic, and voices add incoherently.

So a normal explcamation at 60dB, times 50k, will end up being 107dB. Thats pretty loud, but less noise than at a concert. Won't even make your ears ring if its just for the phrase.

Now if you cashed out in full, 10M would mean 130dB. That might actually cause some minor hearing damage. But for $10m, still worth it.

Or just buy a $50 pair of fancy earplugs, then do all the rest.

Also, curious on how you did your math. ELI5?

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I'd buy him out of whatever cruel cosmic deal he signed up for to help him escape from the hell of monitoring my purchases till he dies.

6.2k points · 2 months agoGilded1

Until he dies

You must be a very thrifty person.

3.3k points · 2 months ago

He IS 70 years old at the end of this year...

2.4k points · 2 months ago

WAIT WHAT REALLY

4.0k points · 2 months ago · edited 2 months ago

'It's over,' she whispered:
'It's finished, you're free.
It's done, Mr. Jackson -
go be who you'll be.'
He wiped at a tear with a shake of his head.
'God bless you, and thanks... motherfucker,' he said.

And so, with a laugh and a smile and a sigh -
He just disappeared in the blink of an eye.
His clothes were all empty -
they fell to the floor.
And Sammy -
and Sammy -
was Sammy
no more.

Earliest I've ever seen a sprog. I feel like a part of history.

309 points · 2 months ago

I feel like I need to nurture it, so it's Karma can grow big and strong.

Not to worry, the post is of hearty stock. It will have no trouble thriving in this environment.

It is a good, strong post, and this environment is rich with karma for a good poem.

Yes, it will indeed flourish in this land.

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275 points · 2 months ago

Jamie Foxx is 50 and Will Smith is 49. Black don't crack, or some such thing.

Pharrell is somehow 45

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Will Smith is only 49? For some reason I'd assumed he was way older. Wack.

He has been around for almost 30 years, so I'd assume that's why.

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305 points · 2 months ago

MOTHERFUCKER

302 points · 2 months ago

GRANDMOTHERFUCKER *

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You never hear, "Fatherfucker!", always "Motherfucker". Why is that?

151 points · 2 months ago

It’s because ur mom gay

No u

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What the FUCK

No fucking way.

What?

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I could live off 10 mil for the rest of my life.

Most people make only a fraction of that their entire life and they don't get it as a lump sum which they can invest.

If you can't live off 10 Million you have some serious issues with spending.

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Something tells me 10 million dollars won't be enough to buy him out seeing as I'm certain Samuel L Jackson has much more money than that haha

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Wholesome!

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Where is the downside?

5.7k points · 2 months ago · edited 2 months ago

Say you donate 1 mil to charity. At that moment sam will shout motherfucker one million times. At you. For the next week, probably.

Edit: i'm tired of these muthafuckin armchair mathematicians in this mothafuckin hypothetical. I dont give a god damn if it takes 11.65 days or a whole damn year for this mothafucker to say motherfucker a million motherfuckin times.

Don't see anything but positives really

1.5k points · 2 months ago · edited 2 months ago

Yup I'm setting up a pay for view live stream so the world can watch it.

Hell I might just watch it if it was a regular dude saying mother fucker a million times in a row.

604 points · 2 months ago
143 points · 2 months ago

heck yeah, though I think if he had to do it for real he wouldnt be putting the flair on.

131 points · 2 months ago

motherfucker....sigh.....motherfucker.....Only Halfway!? MOTHER-

easy fix, "Sammy, if you don't put some heart into it, i'm going to buy more fireworks."

Now all I can picture is him standing there with a sparkler in each hand saying it non-stop

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75 points · 2 months ago

They snuck in a brotherfucker i think.

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This is a genius idea. Start a twitch account where people come on to watch Samuel L Jackson say motherfucker every time you get a kill in Fortnite or some other game. Every time you get a kill just donate $5, $10, or $100 to charity.

Cheapest way to get a cameo appearance of a celebrity on your stream and then you can continue making money from the stream. Plus you are giving to charity!!

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Even better if he just screamed one, loud, "million-dollar" type of 'motherfucker'

The most epic of all motherfuckers... Little did we know, but Quentin Tarantino recorded it and is now putting it in a movie.

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Wait, this is just some voodoo magic shot, why dont I just hear 1 million Motherfuckers at the same time

How about a million Jackson's appear to say it together and then vanish genie style

That defeats the purpose of the proposition being a dilemma. In fact, I'd pay money just to see that.

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Next 24 days, assuming 12 hours of rest each day.

Thought it would be longer. But apparently you did the math.

I tested myself and I say ‘motherfucker’ in about 1.5 seconds. Converting 1 million ‘motherfucker’s comes out to around 25,000 minutes, 416.67 hours, or 17.36 days. That’s straight in a row. If Sam needs to take a sip of water he’d need Laurence Fishburne to take over for a ‘motherfucker’ or two so at least he’s got some help. He can probably also enlist any other actor he’s been erroneously recognized as to aid in the effort while he and Laurence sleep. I nominate Dennis Haysbert and Morgan Freeman. They’ll want to keep their deliveries short and succinct or else they’ll take longer.

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I did the math. Saying “motherfucker” takes about 1.25 seconds. If he said motherfucker on and endless loop, it would take 14 days, and 11 hours

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Would you rather have no bacon and all the video games or have bacon and all the video games?

65 points · 2 months ago

Bacon and all the video games

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I would have so much fun with this during moments of silence, the money tray that gets passed around in a church, donations to your local library.

Comment deleted2 months ago(24 children)

Would you get thrown out? Or just Sam? Would he have to stand outside the window shouting motherfucker, so all you hear are faint motherfuckers when you lose a ten to old Mrs. Gertrude at canasta?

I feel like the rules of the engagement are cloudy

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Comment deleted2 months ago(0 children)

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Faint motherfuckers from outside the window sounds beautiful to me

40 points · 2 months ago

When did we start calling him Sam? I don't feel as if I've earned that right.

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What you could do, right, is be on set when he's filming. And spend $1 when he's delivering lines. Then either take a cut from the studio to stop or just keep going until he has to go and work at a supermarket.

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It takes around one second for Samuel L Jackson to say "motherfucker". If I spend all $10 million in one go, he will be saying "motherfucker" for 115 days striaght. I'd say thats money well spent ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

He'd die so, username probably checks out.

And since motherfucker has the same number of syllables as Mississippi, we can all now count in motherfuckers in Samuel L. Jackson's honor.

1 muthafucka 2 muthafucka 3 muthafucka 4 muthafucka

Checks out

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I think the person who is in loss will be Samuel l Jackson so I don't mind

Having to drop what he's doing to get to this random person just to shout MOTHERFUCKER.

just setup facetime on your phone and SLJ's

every time you spend a buck ... alert goes out to SLJ wherever he is ... instant video chat comes on with SLJ's face and he has to shout 'Muthafucka!' into the screen and goes back to doing whatever he was doing

I can just imagine the unusual places you would catch SLJ every time ... when he's on the toilet, receiving an award, making a speech, in bed at 3am, at a family dinner, during a church service, at a friend's wedding, during a shower, while scuba diving, while having sex (and you delay his orgasm), while in traffic, during a quiet hour on a trans Atlantic flight, while rock climbing or during a very emotional session with his psychiatrist

while scuba diving

Forms letters typing out "Motherfucker" with his bubbles

You forgot one of the main ones, acting for a movie.

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While filming.

That director is gonna be so pissed.

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It is the culmination of him taking every job he’s ever been offered.

Depends on the fine print.

If it's only an obligation on Jackson, you have no problem. Go to a few stores, call the cops because he's stalking you. Cops arriving at the 7-11 may be disinclined to arrest a celeb--so you ask for a few cartons of cigs. Jackson torrenting "mf" at cops. Repeat this procedure once he's released from jail. Soon your problem will be eliminated.

If you are obliged to have Jackson present to spend the $10 mil specifically--still not a big problem. Have a job/take loan using the collateral, and use this for everyday purchases. Only use the magic money for major purchases. You might have to pay a premium on your mansion, so that other parties accept that Jackson will be yelling "motherfucker" at closing.

If you are obliged to have Jackson present to spend a dollar (regardless of source) . . .

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So, if I buy a house, does he just stand there yelling “motherfucker” over and over until he’s hoarse and depleted? I don’t want to be responsible for Samuel L. Jackson’s death.

On the other hand, if you don't spend the last buck, does that make him immortal until that final buck is spend?

168 points · 2 months ago

Where were you when final buck was spend

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Yeah man, 10 million dollars and Samuel L Jackson is basically my new best friend?

Sign me up twice.

Your new best friend who hates you and everything you stand for.

It's a love-hate relationship, I love it, he hates it.

Same as every other friend, got it.

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19.2k points · 2 months ago · edited 2 months ago

Charge people $2 for every $1 I spend, in order to meet Samuel Jackson.

Edit: To the people who are saying I'm charging too little. It goes up significantly. Again, $2 for every $1 I spend. Ie a $1 item nets me $2. A $20 meal nets me $40 etc.

7.5k points · 2 months ago

...motherfucker

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Or just put it all in the bank and spend the interest. Let Samuel live in peace.

Oh no my friend. You've fallen into the genie trap. You've made an assumption that is not explicitly stated. You see it doesn't say "... shout "motherfucker" for every dollar of that money you spend."

The precise wording implies that once this deal is struck SLJ will shout at you for EVERY. SINGLE. DOLLAR that you spend regardless of origin.

Lmao at the idea of SLJ popping up and shouting at me for buying a 50 cent Twinkie.

919 points · 2 months ago

Dollar, see 50 cent is not a dollar, so you are ok here.

I like to think he just shows up to shout half of it, then follows you patiently to finish the rest.

“That’ll be 50 cents, sir.”

“okay here you go”

Samuel L Jackson just kinda appears.

“MOTHER-“

Later that day...

“Spare some change? Spare change? God bless.”

I drop 50 cents into the man’s hat.

Samuel L Jackson appears again, but oriented the wrong way

“-FUCKER!”

Everyone turns to look and wonder why he just called a homeless man a fucker.

Puts penny into horse ride
Samuel L Jacksons lips appear floating in midair
"M"

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Okay someone make a TV show out of this

Need 10 million dollars to start production. Samuel L. Jackson needs to do it for the exposure and so does everyone else. NEXT!

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(Avengers Spoilers)

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This raises another question. He only shouts motherfucker for every DOLLAR you spend. Does he shout the equivalent of motherfucker for every part of a dollar you spend?

So if your total was $3.47 would that be 3.47 motherfuckers or does it round to the nearest motherfucker? What about if you spend a different currency, say euros when on a vacation?

Also if you book a vacation or buy a car is he going to yell motherfucker for four days? Will he just shout himself to sleep or is he some kind of magic version of himself that can yell forever?

How long does it take for SLJ to shout "MOTHERFUCKER"? Does he have to pause for breath at all? What if you make the mistake of buying something expensive on a day with an important business meeting? Can you get around it by using a company credit card?

Why are you going to business meetings? You have ten million dollars. Do you just really enjoy business meetings?

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(company credit card)

Man imagine being a business owner closing a deal.

"Okay, so we take your offer to build this building for $2.5 million."

"O-MOTHERFUCKERMOTHERFUCKERMOTHERFUCKERMOTHERFUKER..."

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22 points · 2 months ago · edited 2 months ago

Depends on where you go. If you go to Europe you won't be spending dollars.

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Easy. I’ll just move to Europe! Spending euros instead of dollars.

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That's very considerate, good on ya

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Smart!

The first dollar I spent would be for earplugs.

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19 points · 2 months ago

You gross $40 on a $20 meal, but you only net $20.

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pull out a dollar

SLJ: " ....MMMMUUU...."

pull back dollar, take out dollar again, almost hand it off ...

SLJ: ".... MUUUTHAAAAAA ....."

pull back dollar again, walk away, walk back with dollar in your hand ...

SLJ: ".... MUUTTHAAA FFFFFF ..."

take back dollar again ... do this for every dollar you spend

... ten years later, a mumbling, seizure prone Jackson is taken into a psych hospital.

People around me looked at me like I need to go to a psych hospital after I read your comment.

Shouldn't have read it outloud

Maybe he really needs to go

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I feel he's also the kind of person that gets confused looks every time he reads a shittymorph.

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32 points · 2 months ago

I think as you pull it out of your wallet go to spend it then put it back in sammy would be so pissed off and just say "spend the dollar already mutha fucka"

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408 points · 2 months ago

If I buy a house does that mean he will be shouting it 400k times? That would get old really fast. It would be better, but also worse if Samuel was just in your head.

Walking through your new house to the sound of "I like this motherfucking kitchen, look at those motherfucking counters. Oh that motherfucking hardwood is gonna motherfucking scratch."

The real point you make is how much more bearable it would be as actual commentary, rather than just “motherfucker” on loop. Even if it took three times as long I’d rather hear Samuel L Jackson just talk about stuff.

It just didn't seem right to have him merely say one word over and over. Samuel deserves better.

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30 points · 2 months ago

The thing is that there are 432 000 seconds in 5 days. If every second for 5 days straight he would be shouting at you it might cause you to lose your mind.

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Cool. What’s the catch?

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Will he just yell "MOTHA" if I only spend 50 cents?

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121 points · 2 months ago

Sam Jackson is fucking awesome, so it's like the money pays for itself!

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58 points · 2 months ago

I feel like there is no downside to this, I would ensure I spent some of the money on something to help Samuel's voice as I am sure it would get sore, I would try and keep it to as few motherfuckers (new name for dollars) as possible

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91 points · 2 months ago

Why wouldn’t I be happy? That’s a win-win situation.

If I saw people being rude to people at restaurants I’d buy their meal so Samuel L Jackson can call them a motherfucker like 50 times. Bonus points if it’s a kid running around like crazy and his parents are ignoring him.

You'd just be encouraging bad behavior then. Free food and Samuel L Jackson at my table yelling motherfucker? Sign me up.

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I see it as a win-win situation so give me my $10million.

37 points · 2 months ago

I’m going to one of those televised evangelical churches and donating like $500

I see myself go to a really conservative church and donate 1k during service...

That’s a waste, you’d get kicked out after like 5 motherfuckers, just donate $5 and hit up 200 churches

Would people really throw Samuel Jackson out? They'd consider it, but with him yelling motherfucker all the time I can imagine he'd come across quite intimidating.

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102 points · 2 months ago

Question: Can he fight the snail or is it after him too?

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That trip to Disney World sure is going to be awkward. #lifegoals

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At my bank savings accounts gain roughly .75% interest. I'd probably put it all in my savings account and live off the interest (approx $75,000). I'm not a huge fan of Samuel Jackson and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be mightily impressed by me so I think this arrangement would work best for us both.

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26 points · 2 months ago

I would never be more happy to pay my parking tickets in person

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With appropriate dramatic effect we can assume it will take 2 seconds for Mr. Jackson to properly shout "Mother Fucker."

2 sec x 10,000,000 = 20,000,000 seconds

20,000,000 secs / 60 = 333,333.33 minutes

333,333.33 mins / 60 = 5,555.56 hours

5,555.56 hours / 24 = 231.48 days

231.48 straight days of hearing "Mother Fucker" shouted.

Sure, I can deal with that.

71 points · 2 months ago

231.5 / 0.66 = 350.7

Give the man his 8 hours sleep you monster...

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Follow up question: if i buy a lambo, will he stand there and yell motherfucker 250,000 times? Won't I have driven away by then?

30 points · 2 months ago · edited 2 months ago

He'll be the on the passenger seat.

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You talk about this as if it's a bad thing

I would buy something that costs $10,000,000 and get them all at once.

If the average “motherfucker” takes about .66 seconds to say (this was my average timing myself saying “motherfucker”) then he would have say “motherfucker” every. 66 seconds for 76 days to fulfill his obligation.

That’s a lot of “motherfuckers”.

He says it way slower than that, though.

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This is now one of my genie wishes. AskReddit, watch out! I'm prepared.

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Rule 4 - No personal info
5.
Rule 5 - No loaded questions
6.
Rule 6 - No questions seeking professional advice
7.
Rule 7 - No begging for goods or services
8.
Rule 8 - No demeaning terms or personal attacks
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Rule 9 - No image only replies or large ascii art
10.
Comments in [Serious] posts must be on topic
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