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What is your mom's catch phrase? by franc_the_bikesexual in AskReddit

[–]Wiskerbiscuitlove 41.0k points41.0k points  (0 children)

"Annnnnd We're off like a herd of turtles"! Everytime we left the driveway. Every. Single. Time.

Edit: HOLY SHIT SNACKS!!! I cant thank you all enough. My mom always had what me and my sister coined as "mom jokes" usually just terrible one liners. They always brought a smile to my face even if I thought I was to cool for them. And hear we are reddit 10 plus years later I'm going through a big change at home and more stressed then I have ever been before. And her jokes are still making me smile. Thanks reddit never change.

What company will never see another dollar from you ? by D3ftones4 in AskReddit

[–]Barflyerdammit 109 points110 points  (0 children)

I've had purchasing and budgeting authority for about 20 years of my life and once in a while if I'm bored, I'll pull up my old line item budgets and send short letters to remind companies how much revenue they've missed out on for not resolving simple one off problems.

Off the top of my head, i recall that Bank of America has lost out on $250k over a $300 dispute over a missing deposit.

American Airlines is out almost half a million over an involuntary downgrade--the gate agent called me to the counter and ripped up my boarding pass with the sole intent of humiliating me after her supervisor had assigned me a first class seat that she didn't want me to have. At the time, Continental had reciprocal upgrades when seats were available. She was unaware of the policy and was mad I went over her head when she denied my request.

Radisson is down about $300k because they only honored their own best rate guarantee once out of eleven times we've found lower rates.

Best Western has lost out on nearly $400k when a client and our admin each booked rooms at 3:55pm. When we realized they had double booked and called back 10 minutes later, we were told the 4pm cancellation deadline was non-negotiable.

I can totally be a little bitch, and I'm not afraid to remind those who have committed the unforgivable.

Gold? It's about time you bastards recognized and appreciated my genius! (And thanks, kind stranger!)

What is your mom's catch phrase? by franc_the_bikesexual in AskReddit

[–]Jlfraser555 3431 points3432 points  (0 children)

She unfortunately passed away back in May. But she always told me this phrase every morning when I would wake up and it has really stuck with me,

"Another day, another golden opportunity."

What is your mom's catch phrase? by franc_the_bikesexual in AskReddit

[–]boblablaugh 15.4k points15.4k points  (0 children)

"If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous" - Mom

You can only use quotes from the Bible on dating apps, what are your go-to verses? by orebaruffy in AskReddit

[–]Saturn--Ascends 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Ezekiel 23:20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

What’s the worst blunder you have made during sex? by angrytimmy24 in AskReddit

[–]DullUselessDinosaur 614 points615 points  (0 children)

Was a little too eager while giving a bj, vomited on his stomach, thankfully it wasn't much vomit and he (being the amazing dude he is) was cool about it and we kept going.

What's the most condescending sentence you can say to someone? by phildogg82 in AskReddit

[–]ledivin 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Sorry, that was condescending. That means talking down to you.

What do you think would happen if everything man made disappeared from the earth? People would still have all their knowledge, so how long would it take to back to the technological levels we are now? by wls123 in AskReddit

[–]kalysti 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Most humans live in urban communities. Most of those living above the 4th or 5th floor would die instantly when the buildings supporting them disappeared. Many others would die of their injuries because there would be no medical supplies to assist them. Many coastal urban communities would experience flooding, as well, so even more people would die. All food would be gone, so people would begin starving to death. If the disappearance happened during winter in the northern hemisphere, most people who survived everything else would die of exposure/hypothermia.

Waves of urban survivors would spread out into suburban and rural areas hoping to find food stocks. But there would be little, or none. Many farmers, even small scale farmers, use human engineered seed stock, and that would, of course, all disappear. Most animals farmed on a large scale are human engineered as well, so they would disappear, too.

Depending on location, fresh water might be widely available. But without proper sanitation measures, water sources in the most populated areas are almost certainly going to become polluted.

There will be no books, no recorded information anywhere. And a very large percentage of our species will have died. So many of our human repositories of knowledge will have disappeared. Developed industrial societies will suffer disproportionately, as primitive societies will have the skills and knowledge to make effective use of natural sources to create weapons, clothing, shelter, and to find food and water.

I think we would recover, but it might take quite a long time. Our current high technology/engineering life style depends on having massive numbers of humans available to work, easy storage of and access to information, easy long-distance communication, an over-abundance of all types of food, etc. Since we might easily be looking at a survival rate of mere millions, spread out over the entire globe, it might take several generations to build up our numbers enough so people would have time for non-survival work.

What is the most expensive mistake you have ever made? by One_Car_Garage in AskReddit

[–]ElBomberoLoco 8203 points8204 points  (0 children)

Getting a DUI. On top of it being incredibly stupid, reckless, and dangerous...it ended up costing me $20,000 all said & done.

If there's a silver lining...it's that first & foremost...nobody was hurt. I was simply pulled over by an observant police officer. And second...it woke me up to the fact that I'm the kind of person who just shouldn't drink alcohol.

Things are much better now.

What is the most expensive mistake you have ever made? by One_Car_Garage in AskReddit

[–]K1ng_N0thing 584 points585 points  (0 children)

Went to college.

Didn't do research on loans and how they worked.

Almost all of my six figure debt is private loans.

The depression of these loans has me contemplate suicide daily.

Women of reddit, how can a man with whom you regularly cross paths on the street ask you for a date / coffee without being creepy / stalkerish? by BiteYourAsp in AskReddit

[–]AngryFuckingRant 1916 points1917 points x2 (0 children)

Rule 1: Don't get your advice from an anonymous, bullshit internet site populated chiefly by misanthropic assholes who refuse go outside for anything short of a structure fire, and;

Rule 2: Get enough of a spine to actively make the effort to ask out the apple of your eye. That doesn't include 'nice-guy' bullshit of hanging onto the social coat-tails of someone you like in the hopes that they'll notice how great you think you are.

This stupid Rule 1 & 2 meme is bordering on incel bullshit.

What company will never see another dollar from you ? by D3ftones4 in AskReddit

[–]KatesGivawayAccount 552 points553 points  (0 children)

So my scenario is a little different than most, because two weeks prior I had an appendectomy. Now that things are settling in I haven’t noticed any change. Of course, I am still healing so I have to be careful not to push myself. I haven’t been able to have sex since my hysterectomy, you have to wait at least six weeks for your post-surgical check up to be approved for internal pleasure. Apparently something called vaginal prolapse exists. I have had one orgasm via vibrator, and I found it no different than before my surgeries. I find that because I am doing so well I have a hard time not pushing myself. I still am not supposed to lift more than 15lbs. I am going to go out on a limb and say your wife is a bad ass, so if you decide to go through with it here are some tips. You need to have someone there to yell at her when she tries to push herself, because she will push herself. Have her eat fiber bars and add some laxative to her water the first two weeks, you aren’t up and moving so pooping can be an issue. Because you are spending so much time in bed invest in one of those wedge pillows. The big ones you are in porn. They are great for keeping you at an incline that won’t hurt your stitches. I am not ashamed and I am not shy about my surgery, you can ask me anything you want.

What is your favorite FREE activity, why? by _FrankAbagnale in AskReddit

[–]ShallowBasketcase -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I add RES tags to people I see making shitty comments. I guess I’m not a fan of douchebags hiding out like normal people. Yours has you labeled as a transphobic racist.

I suppose you know it’s wrong, since you’re trying to act surprised.

What company will never see another dollar from you ? by D3ftones4 in AskReddit

[–]LullabyVoid 6102 points6103 points  (0 children)

So in that way, Trojan condoms are just like the Trojan horse. Once it gets past the gates, it rips open and an entire army invades.

Good people of Reddit, what did you do today to make the world oh-so slightly better? by SuperSilhouette in AskReddit

[–]Alwin_ 3826 points3827 points x3 (0 children)

I work in a bar and the dude walked in that looked and felt off. He just stood there, not really saying anything much, just huffing and puffing. We get some crazies in sometimes, but this felt different. It felt like this man needed something, wanted something but not in a bad way. So instead of ushering him out, as I normally would with people who have no business in my bar, I asked him what he needed/wanted/what I could help him with. Pretty soon I figured out he was a diabetic and his bloodsugar was low but he didnt have money to buy a coke from me. I asked him to sit down and drink his coke on the house and leave whenever he felt better. Dude was back on his feet in a few minutes. Apart from being diabetic he was also mentally challenged, so communication was a little difficult but we got there.

Ladies, what are some signs that a guy is secretly working shifts at an amusement park? by KeasMe in AskReddit

[–]MIKE-CHECKA 1817 points1818 points  (0 children)

Children can ride but must be accompanied by an adult.

Edit: Thanks kind stranger for GOLD!!! Never had it before. Figures it would be on a ménage de pedophilia comment.

What is the most "r/iam14andthisisdeep" thing that you have done? by MentleGentlemen098 in AskReddit

[–]Sareneia 26.1k points26.1k points x4 (0 children)

More like 12 or 13, but I once wrote a manifesto on what kind of drama was going on in 7th? grade and how I would deal with it. Found it years later and I die laughing every time I read it.

What's something horrible you've witnessed as a child but did not completely understand, only to discover later in life how horrible it really was? by Papamje in AskReddit

[–]coreysjill 542 points543 points  (0 children)

I was about 15 or 16 when my mom locked my step sister in the basement, and that was the last time I saw her.

I know that sounds like a fairly advanced age to not realize how fucked it was, but a lifetime of gaslighting, manipulation, and abuse fucks your head up more than you'd expect. Plus, she had a ton of excuses: my step-sister had gotten angry and violent, had puked AT my mom, had mental issues, and refused to eat food with the family.

The real story, looking back, was super fucked. My mom spent a lot of time antagonizing my step sister, who was probably 10 or 11 at that time. I remember she would sit her down and berate her and get the rest of us kids to berate her for totally innocent kid stuff. When my step-sister would eventually lose her temper, cry, or beg my mom to stop, my mom would laugh at her and call her names. She even had a name for my step-sister's "other personality" that came out when she was angry - only there wasn't another personality, it was just a kid getting frustrated and upset at being screamed at. My mom would tear up her homework and then send her to school, then scream at her for telling her teachers what happened to her homework. If my step-sister didn't like some of the food she was served at dinner, and she got in trouble for voicing it. The puking incident was when she was ill, being screamed at, and simultaneously force-fed food she hated. I'm certain she couldn't help it. My mom made her eat the food she vomited up.

Once she finished eating the vomit, she was locked into the basement, and she was only allowed up about once a day to use the bathroom. Otherwise, she went to school via the outside basement door (my mom would let her out) and then go straight back into the basement and get locked back in after school. Her meals were shitty frozen dinners or just a plate of a few chicken nuggets. I don't remember if she had breakfast. My mom made her eat the garbage quality school lunches, which was probably a blessing in disguise since I think she needed the calories.

There were six of us kids in the family. At the time, my siblings and I were all just in our own bubbles, trying to survive, and trying not to think about what happened to us. My oldest sister had already run away at that point. She was 15 when she left. Around the time of the basement incident, I remember when my mom was mad at me for something and lifted me up and slammed me against the wall by my throat. I went to school with bruises on my neck. My favorite teacher stopped me after class and asked about the bruises and if I was okay. I remember lying about it because I told myself that other kids were REALLY abused and had it way worse than me, so mine didn't count as abuse.

Looking back, it seems like my step-sister was treated basically the same as the rest of us were treated, but she was much younger than the rest of us, so it was harder for her to deal with and it manifested physically for her, so it was easier for my mom to escalate with her. I think my mom also had it out for her in particular. She looked a lot like her mother, my step-dad's ex wife, and the woman that he cheated on when he and my mom first got together. I don't think my mom could ever look at her and not see the woman she hated. (I guess she felt hatred instead of remorse for being a shitty person)

Long story short, my step sister ended up in a psych ward for a month, and then placed in a group home within about two months. The rest of us ran away from home one by one. I stuck around until college and barely spoke to my family for ages after I left. Only one of the six of us is still in contact with our parents. I still haven't been in contact with my step-sister since the day she was sent down to the basement. I wish I could apologize for not being a better big sister, and for not helping her, and for being a participant in her abuse.

You die. Credits start rolling past you. What are some of the strangest roles other people have played in your life? by Glarfl11 in AskReddit

[–]Forgot-My-Name_again 787 points788 points  (0 children)

Bobby's tragic end brought sadness to many, and conflicted joy to many more. He was good man during his life, helping where he could, and requested that in his death, he be able to help others one last time.

Scene: A late 30s couple standing outside of a hospital room talking to a doctor.
Doctor: We have a liver.
~Couple is emotionally overwhelmed.~

Scene: Montage of a girl aging. Starting with a 14 year old waking up in a hospital bed with parents standing at her bed side, in high school, hanging out with friends, sitting in a professional setting.

Scene:
A family is sitting at a dinner table. Talking. Slightly subdued, but generally attempting to be happy and pleasant. At one of the places sits a woman, who looks weak and tired.
A pager in the womans pocket goes off. She takes the pager and looks at the screen, and begins to cry.
Woman: "We have a heart."
Scene: Montage of the woman waking up in a hospital bed, walking around the block with her spouse, attending a volleyball game. One of the players is a young girl from the dinner table. Sitting around a camp fire with all of the people from the table. Some of them are roasting hot dogs. A shot through a window of an older version of the woman sitting in a chair, watching little children open gifts, the spouse walking into the room with a camera, some of the dinner table guests aged up are sitting on a couch with new companions.

This could be an amazing credits run. With a couple more cases.

Reddit, What is a Service That You're Surprised More People Haven't Heard About or Haven't Been Using? by rgeorge4 in AskReddit

[–]rpoojary 68 points69 points  (0 children)

I'm surprised that many don't know about this service that's sole task is making people happy.

Yes Reddit. I'm talking about you

Edit: Thanks for the Gold