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gildings in this subreddit have paid for 65.49 years of server time

What are some good weird questions to ask someone to get to know them better? by kutaponk in AskReddit

[–]Made_you_read_penis 2619 points2620 points  (0 children)

My wife and I love Halloween so much, but I HATE Christmas because I come from a really broken home.

Wife decided that Christmas is second Halloween.

We have a black Christmas tree, our Christmas elf is a voodoo doll esque character we call "Strange Carl" that we hide around the house in various murder scenes (I put him in a noose, friend cut his heart out, wife drowned him in a mason jar), and we go to Christmas with her family in onesie costumes (I was a skeleton, she was a piggy).

This year her brother and sister showed up in similar attire.

We give out candy.

No point to this story. I just love Halloween.

Scientists accidentally prove the existence of a god. What do you do now? by littlefreethinker in AskReddit

[–]EternalJedi 2509 points2510 points  (0 children)

Lovecraftian God: Call your local crazy old dude and tell him the local cult has his garden gnomes.

What do you believe is your country's largest contribution to the world? by ryanland86 in AskReddit

[–]Aeternalis_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't go to live in France without knowing how to speak French

I wouldn't go to live in Brazil without knowing how to speak Portuguese

I wouldn't go to live in Mexico without Speaking Spanish

It's not unfair to expect that people who wish to live in a country adopt its language.

Edit: thanks for the gold stranger

What industry should we just let die? by infered5 in AskReddit

[–]Byizo 27.3k points27.3k points  (0 children)

MyMathLab.

Though apparently that was the wrong answer.

The correct answer is MyMathLab.

What industry should we just let die? by infered5 in AskReddit

[–]wundrwweapon 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The troubled teen industry. Summarized, it's legal child abuse and torture. Shit is 100% whack

Edit: thanks for the gold kind stranger

What industry should we just let die? by infered5 in AskReddit

[–]twoobe 21.4k points21.4k points  (0 children)

Fuck pearson, cengage, mcgrawhill, mymathlab, wileyplus, fuk em all

edit:thanks for the gold!

What industry should we just let die? by infered5 in AskReddit

[–]AptlyLux 738 points739 points  (0 children)

NASCAR style jackets to show who sponsors you

Edit: Thanks for the gold!

If the United States was throwing a house party and the States are people, what is your state doing at the party? by fuckimbackonreddit9 in AskReddit

[–]Mojo_of_Jojos 2295 points2296 points  (0 children)

Connecticut?

Edit: I’m a bit shocked to see that after 2 years trying to be a clever Redditor, my highest scoring comment of all time was a single word. TIL everyone hates Connecticunt (sorry, I misspelled it Connecticut the first time.)

What industry should we just let die? by infered5 in AskReddit

[–]Dahhhkness 8363 points8364 points x4 (0 children)

Jesus himself hated these kinds of Christians:

  • "Why do you call me "Lord! Lord!" when you do not do as I say?" Luke 6:46

  • “Two men went up to the temple to pray,one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’ “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” Luke 18:9-14

  • "Beware of the teachers of the law. They like to walk around in flowing robes and love to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces and have the most important seats in the synagogues and the places of honor at banquets. They devour widows' fortunes and make a show out of reciting prayers. These men will be punished most severely." Luke 20: 46-47

  • "Not everyone who calls me Lord will enter God’s kingdom, but only those who do the will of my Father in heaven. On the Last Day many will call me Lord. They will say, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name? And did we not in your name perform exorcisms and miracles?' And I will tell those people clearly, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you evildoers.’" Matthew 7:21-23

  • "Hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied: 'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship is false, teaching as doctrine the commandments of men." Matthew 15:7-9

  • "Do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.” Matthew 23:3-4

  • “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy, and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former." Matthew 23:23

  • “You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness." Matthew 23:27-28

EDIT: Blessed are the gold-givers, for theirs is the kingdom of Kevin.

What industry should we just let die? by infered5 in AskReddit

[–]xzez 23.8k points23.8k points  (0 children)

Child pageantry

EDIT: arrrr, thar be gold in this here comment! Much obliged, kind gilder.

Flight attendants and pilots, what NSFW things occur during your jobs? by Kords in AskReddit

[–]-eDgAR- 5772 points5773 points  (0 children)

Not a flight attendant or a pilot, but I was once on a flight where I saw one of the flight attendants giving a blow job to one of the pilots.

Now, the thing to keep in mind was this was before 9/11, when the cockpit wasn't kept so securely locked. There was a bit of a bug spreading around the plane, which I was asked to take care of since I was the only doctor on board.

I made my way to the cockpit to inform the pilot of the condition of the passengers and as soon as I open the door, I see the flight attendant bent over with her head in the pilot's lap.

I could not believe what I was seeing, but I managed to snag a quick photo of it.

What industry should we just let die? by infered5 in AskReddit

[–]Cleev 1983 points1984 points x2 (0 children)

Incorrect.

Your Answer: Fuck Pearson

Correct Answer: Fuck Pearson

Edit: Obligatory "OMG! Reddit Gold! Thanks so much!" But seriously, thank you, but please consider donating to a charity instead. I know it's only $3.50 or so, but that can help more than you think. Drop off a box of treats at the local animal shelter, or buy a bunch of cookies for your local fire department. Those animals/people deserve it more than some asshole shitposting on the internet.

What industry should we just let die? by infered5 in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 4479 points4480 points  (0 children)

'I've nurtured a notion!' he said with a smile -
'A pageant for children on beauty and style!
We'll judge them in dresses, and tutus, and tights!
We'll focus on shallow and depthless delights!

'Imagine,' he whispered, 'a catwalk on cue!
A cursory glance at a talent or two!
And just 'cause I'm totally fucked in the head -
We'll tailor a section on swimwear!' he said.

'We'll cake them in make-up, and shake up their mind -
Pretend that they're faces with nothing behind!
And then, while they're young and defenceless, distressed -

We'll rank them by beauty, and pick out the best.'

What industry should we just let die? by infered5 in AskReddit

[–]BlemishedInsistence 12.9k points12.9k points x2 (0 children)

Private prisons and private probation. Years ago, I was on private probation and lost my job. Inevitably, since I could not pay my monthly probation fee, I was sent to jail. Its a racket that does a lot of harm to the poor people.

Thank you U/ Anonymous Redditor for Gold!

What song needs a parody? by DrSeuzz in AskReddit

[–]DrSeuzz[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Don’t Stop Your Eatin’

Such a short round girl
Looking like a mini world
She ate a ton of grains
and she just don't care
Such a pity boy
Eats so much it is no joy
He ate a ton of grains
and He just don't care

A Zinger, quickly, she consumed
The smell of fries soon fill the room
They'll be eating well into the night
Pounds go on and on and on and on

Straining, weighing,
She's become a tub o’ lard
Marshmallows fluffy and pure white
Peeps, rice, eat whole
6/10 would rate this portion
Dying, for something to bite

She says it's hard to get her fill
While munching on a pickle dill
Eating everything from rolls to rice
It’s “dinner time"
Breathing in, then she chews
Eat a bag of stale cashews
Oh her eating never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

Straining, weighing
She's become a tub o’ lard
Marshmallows fluffy and pure white
Peeps, rice, eat whole
6/10 would rate this portion
Dying, for something to bite

Don’t stop eating. Hold the orange I’m peeling
Peeps, rice, eat whole
Don't stop eating. Hold on
Peeps, rice, eat whole
Don't stop eating. Hold your nose I’m breathing
Peeps, rice eat whole.