top 200 commentsshow all 329

[–]InsertDownvotes 1407 points1408 points  (108 children)

I went on Amazon last night to buy a new phone charger, shoulda have been $10. Left with two chargers, a children's toy, and a 10-pack of Godzilla figures.

[–]EricStoltz-MaskMorty 741 points742 points  (65 children)

I frequently go on Amazon and just look at shit I can't afford. I don't even have an account...

[–]Tinypeepee123 266 points267 points  (46 children)

But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.

James 3:14-16

[–]finwaals 389 points390 points  (30 children)

Thanks, Tinypeepee123.

[–]Tinypeepee123 331 points332 points  (27 children)

You're welcome, heathen.

[–]Analbox 115 points116 points  (25 children)

You know nothing tinypeepee.

Whoever corrects a mocker invites insults; whoever rebukes the wicked incurs abuse.

Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you;

If you are a mocker, you alone will suffer.

Folly is an unruly woman; she is simple and knows nothing.

Proverbs 9:7-17

[–]jazzypants 62 points63 points  (22 children)

Nice bit of sexism at the end there

[–]Analbox 44 points45 points  (15 children)

Well /u/Jazzypants, the unruly gynocracy is responsible for the fall of man so you know... I can only have so much sympathy for those simplistic cuntocrat godless apple pushing snake worshippers. Curse the vaginarchy.

To the woman he said, "I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."

Genesis 3:16

[–]GlassesFreekJr 20 points21 points  (13 children)


Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

Matthew 22:37-39

[–]Analbox 26 points27 points  (12 children)

Meh. The New Testament is for cucks. I prefer the manly red pilled wrathful interventionist character from the original series. NT writers were all communist golden rule worshipping SJW's. That smarmy Paul dude completely missed the point.

So no thanks. You can keep your "turn the other cheek" grace and love nonsense. I prefer the flaming holy jealous justice of the original.

[–]DRUNK_CYCLIST 1 point2 points  (3 children)

AND an analbox

[–]Analbox 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I think you mean "An Albox."

/u/DRUNK_CYCLIST it's time to clean up your dirty mind. Redemption is waiting for you. Your sodomy is nothing but degenerate filth in the eyes of your Lord and savior Jesus H. Christ. Fire & nashing of teeth await those who ignore the Lord's rebuke. Sodom was consumed by fire and brimstone and it could happen to you! So just stop putting things in your hole ok? It's unholy.

If a man has sexual relations with another male as he would with a woman, both have committed a repulsive act. They are certainly to be put to death.

Leviticus 20:13

[–]BroLetsPlayThis 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Ezekiel 23:20... much better read.

[–]aedroogo 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks, Analbox.

[–]ThisIsFlammingDragon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh shit you just bibled the jesus out of him!

[–]PresOrangutanSmells 6 points7 points  (0 children)

He'd know about envy

[–]Wezirn 6 points7 points  (1 child)

You gotta get schwifty.

Oh, yeah!

Take off your pants and your panties.

Shit on the floor.

Rick S02:ep05

[–]GlassesFreekJr 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Jesus wept.

John 11:35

[–]MossyBrightside 4 points5 points  (5 children)

This passage doesn't apply here, you're confusing Jealousy with Envy. They can sometimes be synonyms, but I would heavily argue against that in context.
Edit: A letter.
It's been pointed that Envy and Jealously have been used synonymously in this passage depending on translation. In modern English however, Jealously used non-synonymously would make a lot more sense given the context of the rest of the passage.

[–]pro_zach_007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I dont get it, what is the message?

[–]Tarmist25 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.

Psalms 137:9


[–]cboothe1985 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From the most elaborate embellished book ever written by man

[–]TheJD 52 points53 points  (8 children)

Make a wishlist on Amazon. Instead of going shopping on Amazon just add the stuff to your wishlist. Weird random shit you can never rationalize buying for yourself. Now provide that wishlist to friends and family when they ask what stuff you want for gifts. Makes it super easy for people to go shopping for you, you get the feeling of shopping for cool shit, and you ultimately get gifts you really want for yourself.

Total game changer. Just...make sure you don't actually buy the stuff you put on your list.

[–]Haruon 14 points15 points  (3 children)

The real LPT is always un in the comments.

Seriously, this is a great idea

[–]GumdropGoober 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Are you only now realizing what wish lists are for?

I know internet whores use them to suck money from idiots, but they have a legitimate use too.

[–]ADLuluIsOP 4 points5 points  (0 children)

but they have a legitimate use too.

Yeah to be put on my twitch profile so that guys buy them for me. Duh.

[–]Saint-Peer 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I use wishlist to avert impulse buys. If I really, really want it one day, I'll just hop on there and buy it. If I don't, I'll likely delete it the next time I look at the wishlist.

[–]TheJD 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Use your wishlist with camelcamelcamel.com and get alerted when something on your wishlist is on sale.

[–]Saint-Peer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I love camelcamelcamel!

I save a bookmark of it and turn it into an icon my phone (iOS and Android can do this).

[–]Practically_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do this with my in-laws. They splurge on gifts anyway, night as well point them in the right direction.

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (9 children)

Which Godzilla figures? I'm thinking of getting Godzilla 2000 or Shin

[–]InsertDownvotes 29 points30 points  (8 children)

Oliasports 10Pcs Mini Godzilla Dinosaur Toys Action Figure https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XB3P6RW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_fTA.AbPW57F47

[–]Enigmatic_Egg 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Damnit I can’t not buy these!

[–]Hamartithia_ 2 points3 points  (1 child)

So I don't know anything about Godzilla but why is there like six of them that are different colors?

[–]underpants-gnome 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dang I was hoping for a fully articulated Michael Lerner action figure!

[–]Kenan_C 0 points1 point  (1 child)

They look amazing!

[–]thrifty_rascal 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ehhh.. if you want to see some amazing Godzilla figures you'll have to shell out some dough.

[–]kyrgrat08 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I used to have these! They’re suuuper small though, and get lost easily,

[–]fickenblasenspritzen 9 points10 points  (1 child)

nice try amazon shill

[–]InsertDownvotes 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I mean, I love prime. I'll be a shill all day, they just won't pay me for it

[–]Darth-Cereal-The-Wis 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What children’s toy?

[–]mrP0P0 3 points4 points  (1 child)

You should ask your mommy or daddy before using their account.

[–]InsertDownvotes 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I've got my own big boi account 😎

[–]downwithwindows 4 points5 points  (4 children)

Are you my husband? I’ve never seen a grown man with so much Godzilla crap.

[–]InsertDownvotes 7 points8 points  (3 children)


[–]downwithwindows 1 point2 points  (2 children)

chotchkies? If it exists and is Godzilla he finds it and has to have it. We have an entire tree at Christmas time dedicated to his Godzilla ornaments.

[–]InsertDownvotes 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I apologize, I'm really struggling to see the problem here

[–]Inquisitor1 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Why do you need two chargers? Because you wouldn't buy something you dont need, right? Right? You'd only buy two instead of one because you didn't need just one but needed two.

[–]InsertDownvotes 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I bought one for home that my dog chewed up, but figured it was a good enough deal that'd I'd grab a new one for my car as well

[–]Tomefy 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Godzilla figures = childrens toys (?)

[–]Giftofgab24 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Lol. I like that you don’t consider Godzilla figures to be a children’s toy.

[–]dream_snap 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Goddamn you might as well be a millionaire

[–]InsertDownvotes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really ballin' out recently

[–]KnowEwe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kinda deals and thrifter consistently list deals of the day from Amazon. Great way to lose money

[–]pubgcwbf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Left with two chargers, a children's toy, and a 10-pack of Godzilla figures.

You sound like you'd be the perfect victim for a 3d printer.

[–]boosted_monkey13 348 points349 points  (119 children)

For my paycheck, I ended up spending $80 on:

5 grams of dank shit.

1/8 of poor man’s weed.

1 Golani preroll

2 100 mg edibles.

[–]dfayad00 150 points151 points  (43 children)

i pretty much spend all my paycheck on bud rip

[–]End_Russian_trolls 89 points90 points  (28 children)

So I'm not trying to judge. But why

[–]jackrulz 252 points253 points  (26 children)

NoN hABiT fOrMiNg

[–]dfayad00 6 points7 points  (0 children)

i hate when people say this lol. i can barely eat unless i’m high and i can never sleep without smoking. still love getting high tho

[–]Whiskey-Weather 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's much harder to stress about your life being incredibly unfulfilling when you're stoned. That and sometimes debilitating back pain are why I smoke.

[–]boosted_monkey13 14 points15 points  (1 child)

I feel you dude.

[–]thrifty_rascal 3 points4 points  (0 children)

And people say weed isn't bad for you...

[–]supahdavid2000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like me when I got my first job. Got a job, got a medical license a week later. Now it's legal and I haven't been to a dispensary in years

[–]uss1701jb 22 points23 points  (5 children)

5 grams of dank shit.

1/8 of poor man’s weed.

Literally why the fuck am I paying $50 for an eighth end my life please

[–]Stop_Breeding 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Because you don't live in a legal state. I paid $45 for an eigth for a while. Took me a long time to find a guy to give them to me for $40.

For the first two years of my college life I was paying $60 an eighth.

/u/boosted_monkey13 obviously lives in a recreational state and is incredibly lucky for that.

[–]thebestguy2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

nah this guy was just paying too much. I'm in an illegal state and I can get a g for $10 and an 8th for $30

[–]boosted_monkey13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Depends on the quality dude. Post a picture of what you normally get

[–]dontbeapusey 2 points3 points  (3 children)

How TF you get all that for just $80?

[–]boosted_monkey13 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Its a returning patient bundle. I normally just buy either a gram of their house wax for $25 (which lasts me for about 2 weeks) or their mid/top shelf Oz that cost $60/$100 (which lasts me about a month). Plus that place has a point system. You get $1 store credit per $10 spent.

[–]Fuck_Alice 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I heard you were looking for a new roommate ;)

[–]DamnDurtyApe 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I just spent my paycheck on a sheet of gel tabs

[–]KanyeWest2020 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hope you’re not using a sheet in one pay period 😂

[–]MiamiFFA 3 points4 points  (2 children)



[–]KanyeWest2020 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Dude weed lmao

[–]Pluvieux 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Weed is very epic

[–]wolfie2747 0 points1 point  (4 children)

I see every check as $90 less because i have to re-up on 2gs of oil cartridges

[–]eyferrari 2 points3 points  (3 children)

shatter/wax is cheaper than prefilled carts generally

[–]wolfie2747 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Yeah but I need to be super low key where I rent so the pens work out for me

[–]boosted_monkey13 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Look into ordering an Ooze Globe.

[–]wolfie2747 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah! I use to have some of these. I totally forgot about them! Good call amigo

[–]Craftmine_Pro 206 points207 points  (9 children)

Nah 🅱️ I save up. The best people save their stash of cash

[–]Relevant_Elephants 108 points109 points  (5 children)

This sounds like an episode of Fresh Prince where they'd bring in someone cool to emphasize good financial practice with hip lingo.

[–]Thad_not_Chad 37 points38 points  (0 children)

At the end they'd have Carlton say some ignorant bougie shit while they pan over to Will giving that look.

[–]Craftmine_Pro 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Only thing I remember about that show is the intro. Not really into sitcoms and tv shows (although I might watch stranger things over the summer)

[–]Relevant_Elephants 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Fresh Prince is the prequel to stranger things, I recommend it.

[–]jmlinden7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You gotta diversity your bonds.

[–]hankhill10101 10 points11 points  (0 children)

True dat. I can’t believe how many adults go through life being gainfully employed but rocking a near zero bank account balance until their next payday like it ain’t no thang.

And some of them don’t have family to fall back on.

It’s utterly insane !! Insane in the membrane.

[–]saloejka 88 points89 points  (7 children)

I got 1 2 3 4...

[–]Jangmo-o-Fett 54 points55 points  (5 children)

5 6 7 8 Ms in my bank account.

[–]Godly_Toaster 51 points52 points  (0 children)


[–]newsmodsRfascists 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Why do you gotta 12 car garage...

[–]Zainto 10 points11 points  (1 child)

When you only got six cars

[–]JefemanG 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Gonna expand that Hot Wheels collection anytime soon, Savage?

[–]ProdigyAI 53 points54 points  (9 children)

as soon as I get paid friday, my wallet will be empty :(

[–]jokitheraccoon 19 points20 points  (8 children)

break the habit man

[–]capincorn 19 points20 points  (2 children)

Bills are a bitch

[–]jokitheraccoon 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Well this thread is about people wasting their money on useless shit on Amazon, not about people being wage slaves

[–]DorGLoKs 3 points4 points  (0 children)

sorry for being too poor :/

[–]ProdigyAI 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Its not a habit, just im in the middle of building a new pc lol

[–]ImpossiblePackage 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Ooh, been there. Definitely worth it. But, advice from a financial amateur here, I try to wait about a week or so into my paychecks before making big purchases. Just to make sure I actually have the kind of money I think I do.

Not tellin you how to live your life, though. Rock that new PC. Also, 1 terabyte SSDs are goin for like 200 bucks from some places these days.

[–]Eshmam14 3 points4 points  (1 child)

"As soon as I get my paycheck, it'll all be spent."

"Not good."

"But PC."


[–]lol_camis 47 points48 points  (4 children)

There's a great YouTube channel called Minority Mindset (I'd include a link but I'm on mobile and mobile YouTube is shitty for that). In general he talks about finances but a lot of his videos are geared towards normal young people, as opposed established middle aged people who need investment advice.

He says that 70% of Americans have less than $1000 in their bank account which is scary but I can believe it.

I make $16 an hour. This is not a lot of money. But by taking his advice I've managed to save $400 a month and I now have a nice healthy savings account and emergency fund.

[–]I_am_a_Willennium 15 points16 points  (2 children)

i mean... $16/hr working 40hrs/week is decent money in the Midwest if you have no debt.

i make $18/hr right now and have no debt. 40% of my income goes to bills. The rest is just open money.

The issue is people with debt making under $60k/year and can't get ahead of it. I live better than people I know making 2-3x more because their debt is so large from schooling.

I'll be making double in 2-3 years most likely and lol... i already buy whatever i want, I cant imagine then. probably up my retirement and upgrade my lifestyle. the only reason i dont leave my current IT job is because i'm on reddit 90% of the time and it's relaxing with no urgency to make more to decrease my stress.

[–]therealness8 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Good for you man. Keep saving your money 100

[–]Monkey_Foot_Doctor 39 points40 points  (1 child)

Look at Mr. Moneybags over here with 5 whole dollars

[–]Totes_Goatz 37 points38 points  (7 children)

Nothing better than when there is 5 Friday’s in a month

[–]rentmaster 3 points4 points  (6 children)

I like the months with 6

[–]Pogo__the__Clown 1 point2 points  (5 children)

There's not 36 days in a month, my dude.

[–]rentmaster 31 points32 points  (3 children)

Sorry I meant 7 fridays in a month

[–]relic303 22 points23 points  (0 children)


[–]Head-in-the-Cloudz 22 points23 points  (2 children)

Hey you should try saving money

[–]as-opposed-to 2 points3 points  (1 child)

As opposed to?

[–]smokegod420[🍰] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

not saving money

[–]Stoogenuge 15 points16 points  (1 child)

r/frugal will be having panic attacks seeing this

[–]I_am_a_Willennium 3 points4 points  (0 children)

REEEEEEEEEE not reusing TP

[–]Olav_Grey 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Me... right now. I'm currently making a list of things I'm going to buy tomorrow.

[–]lone_stark 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Can't say anything. The moment I get paid is the moment my rent gets taken

[–]Yortisme 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Rich on Friday.. broke by Sunday!

[–]keeber69 10 points11 points  (0 children)

-15$ miss me with that overcharge fee tho

[–]Shakeandbake529 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I want Amazon to have a setting where you Input how much money you have/want to spend, and it offers items with that price. Like I got a $10 gift card to amazon, what can I get with that purchasing power?

[–]Starshitlord 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I drunkenly sent 12 cans of Pringle and a party size bag of m&ms to my brother, he’s going to be confused he happy at the same time

[–]Blackfeathr 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Heh, i hadn’t had a job in a few years, I just got a new job that pays well, and I’ve already made a list of things I want/need to buy...

I need to scour eBay for some discontinued shoes that I used to have that helped my feet and knee problems, I wanna fix and (learn how to) restore my 1969 three wheel bicycle, pay off a balance I owe at college, buy and (figure out how to) install curtains in my bedroom, then I can maybe get some “luxuries” for myself, perhaps a Nintendo switch, and/or a ps4. If red dead redemption 2 actually gets released this year, definitely a ps4.

[–]Sorten 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Depending on how your windows are arranged and how permanent of a solution you want -- for a long time I just had my curtains strung onto a telescoping shower rod. Cheap, doesn't scar the walls. Only works if you have a reasonably sized window sill.

[–]cn2092 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Perfect time to max up those credit cards baby

[–]pokemonandpot 5 points6 points  (1 child)

i wish this was me. i started a new job last Monday and just missed the cutoff to get paid tomorrow. gotta work 3 weeks before getting paid. feels bad.

[–]thedutchqueen 4 points5 points  (0 children)

it will feel good when you have that 3week paycheck :D

hang in there

[–]PresidentialSlut 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Came into this thread looking for laughs, left with a plan to never spend money again

[–]JigglySpecials 3 points4 points  (2 children)

My Amazon cart is full, waiting for midnight to hit "place order" :-)

  • Paycheque: Hey, glad to finally meet yo.....


[–]Blackfeathr 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Money talks, and it mostly just says "Goodbye"

[–]KOWguy 3 points4 points  (4 children)

This is extra hilarious if you're like me and work for Amazon.

[–]HanigerEatMyAssPls 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Isn’t that sad that you work for Jeff Bezos just to give his money back to him? Lol

[–]KanyeWest2020 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not really how it works but sure

It’s like “isn’t it sad that a teacher works for the govt and then gives 30% back to them)

[–]catv20 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol I was just about to say the same!!

[–]AFuckYou 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Im saving my money so i have enough to buy curtians and a mattress!!! Almost there!!!!!! Helllllllooo sleep and privacy in about a month!!!!!!!!!!!

[–]manzo559 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s Wednesday’s for me

[–]leparsdon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's my life right now

[–]cheeeeeese 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i havent had to check my balance in several years but i still remember the fear of overdrafts beating my paycheck on thursday nights

[–]qa_qasim 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello Amazaon

[–]PlayLikeAHeroine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me when I make 1 sale on my Etsy shop.

[–]MyNewAccount962 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Amazon is a Monopoly in my opinion. I wil never buy from them.

[–]KanyeWest2020 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Monopoly on what? And who do you buy from then?

[–]Legphone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We shall never know

[–]caydeisdumb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm always certain to buy something from Amazon whenever I get paid 😂

[–]cboothe1985 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So hard to find green in Baton Rouge, LA.

[–]thedutchqueen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

shout out to payday tomorrow.

direct deposit i need you

[–]RedskinsandRockBand 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol I have over $3000 in Amazon gift cards on my account, Im saving all i can in my account. Saves me lots of money id frivolously spend. Beer money ftw!

[–]yussof098 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello, I like money