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[–]RuntlesCaptain[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (44 children)

Comment nicely, no terrestrial politics discussion please.

[–]Hinkil 1586 points1587 points  (81 children)

My favorite joke on NewsRadio was in their space episode they had a news report of: "Tragedy struck today in Sector 9 as rebel terrorists blew up the Death Star killing thousands. The Rebel Alliance, a fringe group of Anti-Empire fanatics, has claimed responsibility for the terrorist act. Fortunately Lord Vader escaped without harm. Our hearts go out to the families of the victims."

[–]Theedon 717 points718 points  (58 children)

"Death Star" wouldn't pass the PR editorial review but maybe "Emperial Space Station" instead. Obi-Wan would agree.

[–]vonmonologue 512 points513 points  (23 children)

I would have called it "Peace Bringer Station."

Like go to Alderaan, you'll see what I mean.

There's a piece, there's a piece. That's a big piece too.

[–]dcasarinc 183 points184 points  (9 children)

Like go to Alderaan, you'll see what I mean.

I mean, after the death star, there is no more poverty, crime or wars in Alderaan...

[–]Hippocalypse44 70 points71 points  (6 children)

Alderaan was an inside job

[–]LLicht 40 points41 points  (1 child)

They say a relative of the princess was responsible!

[–]zevfern 2 points3 points  (0 children)

O H S H I T

[–]ben-braddocks-bourbo 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The Death Star can’t melt steel beams!

[–]Meme_Lord_Supreme 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanos, is that you?

[–]fREDlig- 43 points44 points  (3 children)

Use the real name instead of the rebel propaganda name.

Its name was DS-1 Orbital Battle Station. It was the finest engineering project in the galaxy and represented what can be done with a unified empire!

[–]greeklemoncake 7 points8 points  (1 child)

And what does 'DS' stand for?

[–]fREDlig- 21 points22 points  (0 children)

It's classified above your pay grade sir, but you can call it Dream Station if you want.

[–]apatheticviews 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Think of the number of jobs that the DS-1 provided throughout the Galaxy. Not just directly to contractors working on it, but also to those in R&D, logistics, and secondary areas.

It's destruction was a huge blow to the economy of the Empire.

[–]randomuser135443 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Shouldn't it be peace maker? It takes a planet and turns it into pieces.

[–]Muroid 27 points28 points  (0 children)

“A major galactic defense installation”

[–]jcf88 20 points21 points  (7 children)

In my Star Wars RPG campaign it was group canon that the Empire called it the Peace Moon in official communication.

[–]AutoModerator[M] 29 points30 points  (4 children)

The official name of the battle station to which you refer is DS-1 (or DS-2) Orbital Battle Station, colloquially known as Death Star.

While your use of an enthusiastic, non-standard designation is appreciated, referring to the great accomplishments of our Empire by their proper names accords them the respect they are due.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[–]pcy623 10 points11 points  (1 child)

How many non-standard names do you recognize?

[–]fighterace00 20 points21 points  (0 children)

This bot is fluent in over 6 million forms of non standard names

[–]Orangensft 6 points7 points  (2 children)

It’s too big to be a space station.

[–]bertcox 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I was just thinking this, PR would call it something patriotic and inspiring. Internally the workers and soldiers would call it the Death Star, but officially it would be the Defense Star.

[–]adomaster1234 8 points9 points  (1 child)

DS-1 Orbital Battle Station is the canon name.

[–]MKEBiker 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My first thought was Orbital Force Protection Station, but then I thought of Orbital Observation and Protection Station "OOPS"

[–]r6raff 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Best show ever, my wife and I watch the compete series about once a year.

[–]Zesty_Pickles 3 points4 points  (1 child)

My sister bought me a "Real Deal with Bill McNeal" shirt a couple years ago. I think only one person recognized it.

[–]Warpcrafter 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Luke Skywalker killed more people in one moment than Darth Vader did in his whole life. No wonder his Padawan turned to the dark side.

[–]beetard 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thoughts and prayers

[–]NothingsShocking 7 points8 points  (0 children)

-Fox News Coruscant

[–]Ag250 3183 points3184 points  (109 children)

Not to mention the Jedi’s history of kidnapping children from their parents to indoctrinate them into their ancient religion.

[–]Oolacileoona 933 points934 points  (18 children)

Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good radicalized indoctrination

[–]Strike0070 254 points255 points  (13 children)

I read that as "Hockey Religions" at first, and this was the picture that came to mind. https://i.imgur.com/dOqaBqk.png

[–]oj81 60 points61 points  (2 children)

My wife bought a canvas from an art college fair with a painted a quote from Star Wars. When I pointed out they'd written hockey instead of hokey she had to throw it away.

[–]molotovzav 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Man, I would have kept it and pasted really bad pictures of hockey player's faces by the quote. Maybe I'm just bad :/

[–]ComprehensiveSoup 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You threw away hockey aye?

[–]NormGreen 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Is that the holy Jiminity

[–]TheCocksmith 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You know it is.

[–]badseedjr 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The Stars do need to pray more if they want to make the playoffs.

[–]raoulduke79 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Kid, I've flown from one side of this galaxy to the other. I've seen a lot of strange stuff, but I've never seen anything to make me believe there's one all-powerful Force controlling everything. There's no mystical energy field that controls my destiny. It's all a lot of simple tricks and nonsense.

[–]Oolacileoona 12 points13 points  (0 children)

"Your eyes can decieve you, don't trust them" - crazed religious ranting of a wizard that is also just a crazy old man

[–]Ta2whitey 102 points103 points  (67 children)

Kidnapping? Pretty sure there is a scene where Anakin was a slave.

[–]SantyClawz42 116 points117 points  (47 children)

So stealing then?

[–]nater255 62 points63 points  (7 children)

It's theft, then.

[–]ChamberedRin 13 points14 points  (6 children)

It's treason, then...

[–]postmodest 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Well, it was more a purchase. So from a certain point of view, the Jedi Council owned Anakin, and they were his Master. So, that explains that, then.

And that's not even considering the Clone Army that the Jedi bought and paid for.

Then the slaves rose up and overthrew their masters so the Senate could pass a fair election to appoint a leader untainted by this corruption.

Then after a time, these religious-extremist slave-owners rose up and destroyed the rightful, elected government of the Empire.

[–]PortalOfExistence93 14 points15 points  (28 children)

It's stealing then

[–]SwedishWaffle 45 points46 points  (27 children)

No. Qui-Gon won him in a bet.

[–]PortalOfExistence93 35 points36 points  (8 children)

It's gambling then ?

[–]alphaferric 39 points40 points  (5 children)

The best kind, gambling for children and cheating the dice.

[–]PmSomethingBeautiful 22 points23 points  (4 children)

yeah but he stole (gambled) him from a space jew so it's okay in germany.

[–]Mrwillard02Alderran? Where? 15 points16 points  (3 children)

Except all humans in the galaxy are equally superior to other species

[–]SantyClawz42 12 points13 points  (9 children)

It is stealing, Qui-Gon cheated to win the bet.

[–]SwedishWaffle 21 points22 points  (7 children)

It's fraud then

[–]darthairbox 7 points8 points  (6 children)

In the name of the Galactic Senate, you're under arrest.

[–]SwedishWaffle 17 points18 points  (4 children)

General Misquoti!

The line is "In the name of the galactic senate of the republic, you are under arrest, chancellor."

[–]blanks56 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s for the senate to decide!

[–]TomahawkSuppository 1 point2 points  (6 children)

Unfairly, he used the fo very to manipulate the game. So he cheated.

[–]Ta2whitey 7 points8 points  (6 children)

Stealing from a slave owner? I dunno if I have sympathy for that one.

[–]kayakkiniry 41 points42 points  (3 children)

Stealing from the slave owner so you can raise the slave for a life of combat against those of a different religion.

[–]TomahawkSuppository 24 points25 points  (14 children)

And the Jedi actually purchased him.

[–]Ta2whitey 8 points9 points  (13 children)

Won him in a bet of chance because their currency was no good there. And how is it bad to buy slaves to free them?

[–]Muroid 30 points31 points  (11 children)

They bought one child slave on the condition that when “freed” he would join their cult where he would be entirely under their authority for the next decade in a foreign land with no real contact with his parent.

[–]Kumbackkid 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Yea i dont understand how people dont see this. The jedi clearly had a motive for their actions and it wasnt just to free a slave.

[–]Ta2whitey 3 points4 points  (9 children)

But the child was interested in becoming a Jedi. It was his dream to become one.

[–]TomahawkSuppository 11 points12 points  (7 children)

He was a child, he had no idea who the Jedi were. I mean apart from the false advertising by the Jedi.

[–]xrufus7x 34 points35 points  (4 children)

Pretty sure the parents gave them up willingly.

[–]Rejukem 39 points40 points  (2 children)

"I gave you the chance of aiding me willingly, but you have elected, the way of pain!"

[–]TomahawkSuppository 31 points32 points  (1 child)

God Christoper Lee was such a great Saruman.

[–]ComprehensiveSoup 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I like wizard magneto

[–]PlochFXpraetorian guard 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Sounds like the Ottoman Empire to me.

[–]Elmorean 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Just like the Ottomans, people would beg the Jedi to take their kids.

[–]Gamma8gear 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Yes and we can not forgot what they did to all those children. Jedi scums.

[–]Stewbodies 8 points9 points  (1 child)

And not just the children, but the women and the men too!

[–]PerceptionOfDoors 288 points289 points  (16 children)

And kisses his sister

[–]NotExecutable 80 points81 points  (5 children)

She kissed him.

[–]MUT_mage 47 points48 points  (2 children)

And then pushed a little kid out of a window! Oops wrong sub...

[–]ComprehensiveSoup 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Mississippi of the Galaxy

[–]danderson2794 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As one who was born in Mississippi, I laughed way too hard at this. I’m from Biloxi, but google Vancleave, MS. It may ask if you meant incest, though.

[–]WulfenbachImperial Demagogue 668 points669 points  (17 children)

Not only that, the Emperor was magnanimous enough to forgive him and offer him a place by his side. I'm not surprised he felt empty later in life.

[–]Generic-username427SC-2175 - Storm Commandos - Sergeant First Class 91 points92 points  (1 child)

He's terrorist scum, he was always going to an empty shell of a man

[–]ComprehensiveSoup 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Hes just a ghost of himself

[–]Fatburg 463 points464 points  (11 children)

"... you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."

~ Old Jedi dude

[–]inpleted[S] 109 points110 points  (6 children)

That’s heresy.

[–]robo_loco 31 points32 points  (1 child)

From this post's point of view the jedi are evil!

[–]Fatburg 37 points38 points  (1 child)

Well he is a crazy old wizard, so ...

[–]Kyraryc 129 points130 points  (31 children)

Can I get a source on that 300k number? Sounds kind of low for a terrorist strike that destroyed the biggest imperial station.

[–]BunkBuyVader's Fist/Former 501st 133 points134 points  (13 children)

that was the number of imperial army and navy members that were stationed on it, the total crew was actually around a million

[–]MisterJackCole 114 points115 points  (8 children)

We may never know the exact number lost on that terrible day, as in addition to the military crew there were quite a lot of civilian support personnel on board. Not that I want to take away from the sacrifices of the Empire's valiant forces, but nobody ever talks about the the scientists, engineers and service industry people that were there to help support all the people in uniform.

[–]ComprehensiveSoup 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Neverforget

[–]The_GASK 26 points27 points  (1 child)

Including Jeff Vader, the head of catering

[–]SCUMDOG_MILLIONAIRE 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Exactly think about how many cooks, custodians, laundry, barbers , etc it would take to support that many personnel. Think about all the facility maintenance folks it would take to keep that station up and running.... That thing was fucking spotless and shiny, I mean sure some of cleaning must be robotic like roombas and stuff but you still need people to clean toilets and wipe down Surfaces and stuff. Or a light ballast goes out, or the sink is backed up.... I'd venture that there are as many facility and support personnel as there are military people. And where were all the kids on the station? Most military bases have on site family living. I have so many questions

[–]krumble411 36 points37 points  (13 children)

It was closer to 2.1 million counting droids, but about 1.7 million troopers died

Never forget never forgive

EDIT: the 2.1 million and 1.7 million were the first death star the second one is even bigger, no info on how many troops could fit in a completed version of the second death star, but it was supposed to be the size of a dwarf planet

[–]ryantwopointo 8 points9 points  (9 children)

Once again.. source?

[–]cookiesareprettyyum 13 points14 points  (6 children)

I love that you need to get this fact verified. We wouldnt want any misinformation about a universe that doesn't exist.

[–]dynawesomeMoff of Alderaan 3 points4 points  (5 children)

Excuse me? Are you denying the greatness of the empire?

[–]94savage 3 points4 points  (1 child)

If the OT came out today, Luke would spend the 1st half of Episode 5 being depressed he killed so many people for good

[–]_HK47_Assassin Droid 33 points34 points  (0 children)

...Killing 300,000 people

Relevant Quote: "You gotta pump those numbers up, meatbag; those are rookie numbers!"

[–]rockstang 81 points82 points  (5 children)

Clearly he had issues from a young age. I've even heard he brags about murdering helpless womp rats.

[–]JohnnySixguns 87 points88 points  (3 children)

Harming animals is one of the potential signs of a sociopath.

[–]BridgetheDivide 13 points14 points  (2 children)

There are 2 suns and no women what is he supposed to do?!

[–]Griegz 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'd say "go to the Academy", but his caretaker was obviously a terrorist sympathizer to begin with and denied him that.

[–]Riothegod1 283 points284 points  (81 children)

How does the empire respond to allegations of genocide against the people of Alderaan?

[–]Woodscraps 346 points347 points  (20 children)

Alderaan was an inside job. Superlasers don't melt planet cores.

[–]Dragonis_PrimeImperial Special Weapons Designer 124 points125 points  (1 child)

As an Imperial engineer, I can agree here.

[–]Cliiifford 67 points68 points  (13 children)

Princess Leia did Alderaan

[–]cognate157 80 points81 points  (5 children)

I feel like that could be a real in-universe conspiracy theory once people found out she was Vader’s daughter

[–]SwedishWaffle 2 points3 points  (3 children)

She had access to all Alderaan's resources. She could easily organise a major mining accident.

[–]dfr0st 25 points26 points  (2 children)

Where can one go to rent this particular holovid?

...asking for a friend.

[–]phome83 11 points12 points  (1 child)

It's a holivid the blockbusters wouldn't show you..

[–]KumaDesuDesu 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No wonder they went out of business

[–]boodissy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'd watch that!

[–]honkey-ponkey 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Does anyone find it suspicious that she signed a home (planet) insurance just weeks before it was destroyed?

[–]GarlicCancoillotte 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Absolutely. There is a video of the explosion and if you go frame by frame you can clearly see shuttles leaving the planet moments before it explodes. If our great Empire did it, how come these shuttles were ready to leave immediately??? Typical rebel propaganda.

[–]Huller_BRTDDarthy McDarthFace 96 points97 points  (7 children)

They participated in an attack on Scariff without a declaration of war and are directly responsible for supplying the ship that killed close to a hundred thousand Imperial crew, stormtroopers and officers in the Intimidator and Persecutor.

The planet was in open rebellion against the Empire and Bail Organa was at that very moment busy mobilising Alderaan for full scale war with the Empire. If any planet in the galaxy deserved the attention of Tarkin's peacemaker it was Alderaan.

TL;DR: They Pearl Harbour'd the Empire and promptly got nuked.

[–]golenjor 22 points23 points  (3 children)

Alderaan was destroyed by the imperial space station they wanted to find the plans for during Scariff terrorist attack. If they had not helped rebel scum to obtain this information, the mentioned space station would never have been used against them, as it was intended exclusively for the defense of our mighty empire. They left us no other choice.

You should be praised for raising awareness of the true causes of a necessary act of defense against radicals.

[–]Solid_Waste 5 points6 points  (0 children)

All completely legal too. The Emperor was granted authority to suppress rebels and separatists by any means necessary by the Galactic Republic prior to the Senate's dissolution. It's legal so that means it's ok.

[–]Intervigilium 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not only that, but Princess Leia is a Rebel sympathizer who helped stealing confidential information from the Empire, and even tried to shoot Lord Vader after the aprehension of her "diplomatic ship". Why would there be armed soldiers inside a diplomatic ship?

[–]inpleted[S] 216 points217 points  (20 children)

General Knowledge that the planet exploded due to rebellion explosives in attempts to kill Supreme Chancellor Palpatine.

edit: there were a lot of mother fucking bombs

[–]blanks56 36 points37 points  (2 children)

Alderaan was a false flag attack carried out by rebel terrorists attempting to garner sympathy and recruits for their cause. The peace star was in route trying to stop the rebel plot.

Lord Vader was terribly troubled by the loss of life.

[–]AutoModerator[M] 25 points26 points  (1 child)

The official name of the battle station to which you refer is DS-1 (or DS-2) Orbital Battle Station, colloquially known as Death Star.

While your use of an enthusiastic, non-standard designation is appreciated, referring to the great accomplishments of our Empire by their proper names accords them the respect they are due.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[–]blanks56 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Good bot

[–]ThermonuclearBomb 52 points53 points  (5 children)

Can Confirm.

Source. I was a confiscated Imperial explosive on Alderaan.

[–]PortalOfExistence93 27 points28 points  (1 child)

They use nuclear weapons?

So uncivilized

[–]Fireplay5 8 points9 points  (0 children)

And outdated too.

[–]Riothegod1 81 points82 points  (2 children)

Smart answer.

Long live the empire.

[–]DGarvanski 61 points62 points  (0 children)

It's not a smart answer. It's the only true answer.

[–]chironomidae 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I heard it was a mining accident

[–]McGr00vy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Death Rays can 't melt planets.

[–]KetchupBlaster 8 points9 points  (0 children)

investigatealderaan

[–]Ta2whitey 30 points31 points  (6 children)

He can move rocks and stuff though. So that's pretty cool.

[–]Elkripper 40 points41 points  (4 children)

I can do that too.

I have to use my hands, though. So not nearly as cool.

[–]TienThomas 11 points12 points  (3 children)

He also uses his hands, he just doesnt touch the stuff.

Right?

[–]beck1670 16 points17 points  (2 children)

So, like, with gloves?

[–]bendover912 33 points34 points  (3 children)

Reposting from the top 10 posts of all time on a sub should be a bannable offense.

[–]Hippocalypse44 19 points20 points  (0 children)

On the other hand it allows new discussion once the original has been archived

[–]skinisblackmetallic 21 points22 points  (14 children)

It’s debatable that destruction of a weapon of mass destruction that had already been used was a terrorist attack... by any perspective.

[–]Pneumatometry 11 points12 points  (8 children)

Not to condone the use of the Death Star, by any means, this is all an exercise in semantics and propaganda, but from the perspective of the empire it really is a terrorist attack. Imagine if during World War Two Japan, or Japanese allies, had sent people to bomb the US nuclear programme, that would absolutely have been called a terror attack by the media an the government. The events of Star Wars are pretty much this scenario on a larger scale and to the people of the empire may very well have seen it in a similar way.

[–]websagacity 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Not exactly. What you say is true, but the analogy doesn't fit.

A more correct one would be if the planes making the nuclear strike were destroyed en route. Which would have been a military attack.

[–]Pneumatometry 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You're correct that that's a much closer comparison with what Luke himself does, and I'll concede that that might not make him a terrorist. However, the attack on the death star proper does happen a just days after rebel strikes against the research labs on Eadu and the data banks on Scarrif that take place in Rogue One, which are much closer to terror attacks, and the three are very closely tied, it's likely the empire would group them into one period of events.

[–]MisterFizzster 60 points61 points  (20 children)

General

Reposti

[–]LonelyMachinesSubdirector, Imperial Propaganda Division 39 points40 points  (0 children)

It's an older meme, sir, but it checks out.

[–]mindbleach 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He did the right thing for Alderaan reasons.

[–]negro_jesus666 9 points10 points  (2 children)

But it wasn't a military strike, it was an assassination.

[–]iamliterallysatan 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Typical terrorist sympathizer. Get a life, jerk.

[–]letsallgame 14 points15 points  (17 children)

if you kill 300,000 people but they are all clones, then did you kill 300,000 or 1?

[–]xrufus7x 46 points47 points  (2 children)

Stormtroopers for the most part weren't clones. After the clone wars they switched to volunteers and conscripts.

[–]superdirt 6 points7 points  (0 children)

They are simple, hardworking individuals willing to sacrifice in any way needed to support peace across the Empire.

[–]TantricLasagne 37 points38 points  (8 children)

You're saying I can kill identical twins and get away with only killing one?

[–]swiggityvonswoogity 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes. Absolutely. Read the discount clause

[–]b0bafartt 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Storm troopers aren't clones.

[–]CharadeParade 3 points4 points  (0 children)

300 000 obviosuly

CLONE LIVES MATTER

[–]definitelynotsanti 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Perspective? That's a weird way to spell "The one and only truth".

[–]destructor_rph 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If it was an attack on a military installation that would be insurgency not terrorism

[–]Michismo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not really... War was declared and it was a counter attack to a oblivious attack to wipe out a planet. More or less a military operation without a country.

[–]hannibalwang 3 points4 points  (8 children)

Can someone actually tell me why the empire was so hated and what actually specifically they did wrong. Only thing i could think of is maybe their racist/fascist because they didnt have non-humans in their army and government.

[–]EpicLevelWizard 4 points5 points  (0 children)

300,000? The Death Star contained millions easily, the second one even more due to independent contractors who also like the empire, did nothing wrong.

[–]habanerosparrow 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Well the empire did blow up a planet, probably killing billions.

[–]Beokirby 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Alderan was an inside job.

[–]iamliterallysatan 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The footage of Aleran being destoryed by the Deathstar were clearly done with special effects.

[–]StevenMaurer 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Luke's attack is not REMOTELY "terrorist".

Terrorism is an attack deliberately targeting civilians, not against a military target. It is also an attack carried out under civilian disguise, not (as the Geneva conventions mention) with arms born openly and a fixed sign of partisanship recognizable at a distance.

Under international law, Luke's attacks are entirely lawful within a military context, and he would be entitled to all POW rights if captured.

[–]zerinsakech 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Being fair, if I was in his shoes, I'd have done the same thing. Just poorly executed and probably failed.... no definitely failed.

[–]MrGuilbeaux 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Isn’t this the most obvious thing you could repost on this sub?

[–]RudePlatypus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

300k!? More like 1.2 mill

[–]Okesa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

From a certain point of view.

[–]thuglifeforlife 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In a theory video made by The Film Theorist, he talks about how the rebels are actually the bad people because:

They destroyed a structure which cost trillions of dollars to make

All planets were getting along together and weren't affecting normal humans while the ones with power were doing their own thing

[–]Dovarc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

From my point of view the Jedi are evil

[–]KaguraLeader 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i call ORDER 66