all 76 comments

[–]LilacPenny 58 points59 points  (23 children)

Also eye gouging.

[–]YoureProbablyATwat 30 points31 points  (22 children)

I was teaching our kids, especially the daughter, self defence. I was drilling it into them that there's no such thing as fair fighting on the street.

If someone attacks you and you have the opportunity you: pull his ears hard, fish hook his mouth, poke his eyes hard, stamp on his feet, kick his knees backwards, smack him in the balls, chop or punch the throat, smack the collarbone, smash his nose as hard as possible, pull hair, twist and rip fingers from each other. Bite, bite, bite. Kidneys, make him piss blood. Etc.

Basically if it is a soft/weaker part you smash or slash it.

Thankfully it's not been needed, yet.

[–]Cetun 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Yea I think the fear is, if you fight back dirty the attacker might just up it to “fuck it I’m losing this one, I’ll just stab this fucker and run, I ain’t getting my eyes gouged out”

[–]YoureProbablyATwat 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it's a tricky one because the attacker could also think, "they're not fighting back, I can do what I want!"

Personally I would rather go down fighting. And so would they.

[–]smellymut -2 points-1 points  (5 children)

And what if that escalates a situation into something much more dangerous for your kids?

[–]YoureProbablyATwat 17 points18 points  (4 children)

I have implanted knives in their hands and feet. If the attacker pulls a knife then I've implanted guns into their thighs. If the attacker pulls a gun I've implanted a hand grenade in their belly buttons. If the attacker pulls a grenade/bomb then I've implanted a neutron bomb in their hearts. It's harsh but fair.

[–]smellymut 3 points4 points  (1 child)

What if the attacker is the missile early warning system for hawaii. They will have blown themselves up for nothing

[–]YoureProbablyATwat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They like fireworks and explosions. Win/win...

[–]partyingBrown 1 point2 points  (1 child)

What would be their defence if they were attacked by discrimination of some kind, e.g racism? I’m asking because your reply made me laugh, yet sticks and stones may break my bones but words can f*** you up real good.

[–]Scotty627881 -3 points-2 points  (12 children)

What sort of place are you living that you feel the need to teach kids that sort of stuff?

[–]YoureProbablyATwat 6 points7 points  (10 children)

UK. It's not all picturesque views and top hats and monocles.

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

[–]Scotty627881 -4 points-3 points  (9 children)

I also live in the UK. What city/town do you live in because I’m struggling to think of many places where you need to teach young children to make someone piss blood.

[–]YoureProbablyATwat 2 points3 points  (8 children)

[–]DenyNowBragLater 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bad people who wish to do harm to others are all over. It's better to be mentally prepared than to risk being a victim. Teach them self defense, hope they never have a need for it.

[–]Rickshank_coffee 32 points33 points  (11 children)

You can also pee on them

[–]hummus12345[S] 19 points20 points  (2 children)

Does no one else resolve disputes this way?

[–]switch_case 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I use it as a compliment.

[–]Rickshank_coffee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only when I need to establish rightful possession.

[–]Sweetdee8181 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I read about a woman who escaped from someone attempting to rape her by peeing. He was momentarily surprised and she ran away.

[–]maygit88 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Defecate is usually my go to plan of attack. No one wants to mess with that shit.

[–]tikhead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wanna fight?

[–]portalmaster312 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Or fart on them

[–]Rickshank_coffee 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Your farts are that noxious... damn

[–]the_adriator 44 points45 points  (1 child)

I’m a certified self-defense instructor. You should NEVER bite an aggressor. It just makes them angrier, and it puts you at risk for blood-borne illness (e.g. HIV, Hep-C). Other moves are much more effective in allowing you to escape the situation alive. Getting bitten makes the majority of aggressors tighten their grip and escalates the situation. Don’t do it.

Want to learn what to do? Take a RAD class! There are classes for women and men. You pay for the first 9- or 12-hour class ($30), and you can go back as many times as you want forever. It’s awesome.

[–]1beerattatime 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You the real MVP. Real LPT is always in the comments.

[–]Siege-Perilous 17 points18 points  (2 children)

Scream in their ear... while biting it off

[–]hummus12345[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I was expecting a Tyson username

[–]clazidge 3 points4 points  (0 children)


[–]FuzZnit 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Seems good in theory but what if you draw blood from the person your biting and they happen to have HIV or something.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Came here to ask the same thing!

[–]Werewolf_Lazerbeast 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Biting is ok, peeing is ok, even regular farting is ok. But NEVER , EVER fart on someone's balls.

[–]IdealTomorrow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  • The great Eric Carmen

[–]Awsaim 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It doesn’t hurt to use pocket sand, either

[–]AFK_ing 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I love how up-in-arms BJJ athletes get when you point out that if anybody is stupid enough to go 'hug' someone in a fight, they better be prepared to get eye-gouged or bitten. I have done martial arts my entire life, and Hung-Gar Kung-Fu is beautifully vicious...."Tiger Claw" is a joke until somebody is separating your nose from your face, raking your eyes, or striking and stomping you while you are down. The Tiger form teaches to repeatedly smash people while they are already on the ground...making sure no opponent is getting back up. That's why I fell in love with Hung-Gar.... I grew up on the streets, worked in biker bars, and had people plotting on the regular to rob me, so knowing how to fight FOR REAL (not for sport) was essential. Locally, many people just knew me as "kung fu" lol...in Detroit I was nicknamed "Kung Fu White Boy". Now I feel old and lazy. Fun times.

[–]JollyBroom4694 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Fellow U.K.-er here. I'm also a Prison Officer. We learn the whole use of force protocol in training (mainly as we run the very real risk of people dragging us into cells and attempting to take our lives).

We are taught that a response can be pre-emptive if you feel under threat. Someone barrelling down on you? A quick strike to the throat, chest, groin or knee is perfectly acceptable and easily defended under U.K. and common law.

We are taught when fighting with someone, which can happen if a situation explodes out of nowhere, react depending on the threat. If you feel your life is in danger, do whatever is necessary to escape. Biting not recommended as said before due to blood borne virus'. However, eye gouging, hair pulling, throat strikes, grabbing of the balls and twisting, use whatever you need to to get away.

Would highly recommend a practical self defence class or Krav Maga if they run classes locally.

[–]knyg 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Or take off all your clothes.

Nobody wants to fight a naked person.

[–]rogle1114 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Speak for yourself.

[–]TheHiGuy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Covered in baby oil

[–]Themarshal2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bite their neck off, approved by Rick in two different fights

[–]dontsnap 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Got in a lot of trouble for this at school.

[–]momo88852 1 point2 points  (6 children)

This actually helped my friend save his brothers from kidnappers along side biting he kicked them in the balls too. However he ended up getting kidnapped in his brothers place.

[–]rogle1114 3 points4 points  (5 children)

A courageous act, if not effective.

[–]momo88852 3 points4 points  (4 children)

He's fine now hhhhhh, he got saved by some elite mercenaries his dad hired. They are like hitmen but work for government and rich people, or big tribe leaders :)

[–]gray81 1 point2 points  (3 children)

What country was this if you don’t mind me asking? South Africa?

[–]momo88852 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Iraq, Middle East. Happened around 2005-2006 I believe. Been a long time so my memory isn't clear.

[–]gray81 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Scary stuff. I get stressed if a bogan looks at me strangely on the train, never mind kidnaping and mercenaries.

[–]momo88852 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You get used to it when it happens to a lot of people on daily bases, that's why we had small armies getting paid to release and attack terrorists/kidnappers. Our neighborhood had all of its men guard the area at night because that's when kidnappers usually strike.

[–]darksoulsnstuff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If your in a situation where it’s come to biting someone to save your own life, you won’t have to think about it...

[–]alek_hiddel -4 points-3 points  (9 children)

I live in a state that affords me the right to carry a concealed deadly weapon. If it comes down to using teeth, I’ve fucked up pretty badly.

[–]thoawaydatrash 8 points9 points  (7 children)

Learn it, and learn basic hand to hand combat. There's a high probability you're going to get your gun taken from you and killed in an assault, which is one of the reasons carrying a weapon increases your chances of dying in a violent confrontation by 4.5 times relative to an unarmed person. Not to mention a concealed weapon is exactly that: concealed and not ready to be used at a moment's notice. And before you say, "Not me. I know what I'm doing," let me assure you that you're not special in this particular regard and you're likely not extensively trained to use a firearm beyond very simplistic practice at a gun range. Do you know what constitutes cover versus just concealment? Have you trained in actual high stress situations? How fast can you get it out and shoot? Are you going to hesitate when it's a living, breathing human being? If your experience is the range, it won't translate. A significant percentage of the time, the self-defense situations you hear about involving a firearm involve people who are off-duty law enforcement or former military. They're often the only ones capable of responding without hesitation. Most other people (myself included) are fooling themselves.

[–]mr1337 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Actually quite the opposite. The CDC published a report saying that the victim having a firearm resulted in fewer injuries and deaths than when the victim didn't have a weapon or had a weapon other than a firearm.

In fact, most violent encounters where the victim has a gun end without a shot being fired.

As far as "not being ready to be used at a moment's notice" - I can deploy mine and shoot in about 1-2 seconds, and that's not even all that fast. I would definitely say that falls into the "moment's notice" category.

The whole "you're more likely for it to get taken away than to use it to save your life" is a myth that needs to die.

[edits for clarity]

[–]SlipperyWaffleCone 0 points1 point  (1 child)

In 2 seconds that's enough time for you to receive enough strikes to incapacitate you since your guard is completely down while you try and draw a weapon.

[–]mr1337 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's why you don't draw when their attention is focused on you. You use a distraction or create one. (For example, the criminal might turn to yell at his buddy, or you could throw your wallet on the ground.) Not every situation is the same. Criminals don't always have 100% focus on only you. In some situations you may not be able to, but many situations you could.

I also wouldn't say your guard is completely down when you draw a weapon. You still have use of one hand to do what you need with, which could be creating a distraction or creating space between you and the attacker or deflecting their weapon while you draw yours.

Check out Active Self Protection on YouTube for some real life defensive firearm events. That will put it into perspective.

[–]alek_hiddel 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I've spent a lot of time training, and included a lot of weird scenarios (practiced shooting from on my back, etc). Shit happens, and any self-defense situation is going to suck and be a total crap shoot (plenty of soldiers and cops get killed each year). I'm as ready as I can be. If someone wants to get the drop on you, you're probably fucked regardless.

That said, I've got a lot more confidence in my ability to fight off an attacker with my gun, than I do my teeth.

[–]iAmNemo2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

any self defense course wont tell you to use your teeth, youll get em ripped out of your mouth.

[–]MakaShkreli 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whoa man...ok

[–]DanielTheHun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Carrying a gun without serious hand to hand training AND good fitness is irresponsible. Ask any cop or soldier. Then. Comes in the training with the firearms. Then, what's my problem is I learned at a high stress training about myself: Under stress, I 'killed' (simunition, and I am somehow proud of the headshot) a guy I didn't identify 100%. It's so freaking difficult to love with the knowledge that you can kill an innocent bystander, just because you're in the zone.. it could be a guy who comes by to see what's up around your scene...

[–]Berdythedog -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Carry a weapon that's legal in your country or state. There always people that are stronger then you.

[–]heystupidd -1 points0 points  (3 children)

Or maybe just take a year or two of a practical self defense class so you learn viable skills that work efficiently while getting into shape. Win win.

[–]FaithCPR 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I am a blue belt. I would still consider "anything goes" if attacked on the street, and combine biting and clawing into techniques I've already learned.

The faster you can surprise and escalate, the more likely you are to both scare them off and attract attention.

[–]heystupidd 0 points1 point  (1 child)

purple belt jujitsu. Got bit in street fight. Dude needed surgery to reattach shoulder.

[–]FaithCPR 4 points5 points  (0 children)

In that situation anything the guy did, you still could have done serious damage. Without knowing what a person who attacks you is capable of, I maintain that it's appropriate to use any and all means necessary to defend yourself.

That being said, I do still agree it's important to learn self defense.