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all 45 comments

[–]Z0MGbies 163 points164 points  (15 children)

jesus fuck. no. Don't. You'll just turn a good or Okay date into you coming off as a desperate and insecure person.

Just continue on, and just have a good time rather than worry about impressing anyone.

[–]Mmmbeerisu 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Agreed. If you dont think they're into you then just focus on having fun with the activity you're doing. Put less focus on them and just have fun. If they do like you, it'll draw them in. If they dont like you, then it doesnt matter and you had fun anyway.

[–]PoorEdgarDerby 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Right? Because if they're insecure they'll maybe say no because they don't want to bother you anymore. I had a date that could've gone that way but we walked instead so we didn't have to look at each other as much while we talked. We powered through the awkward and are now getting married.

[–]JustCallMeTheRedSpy 6 points7 points  (1 child)

"powered through the awkward and are now getting married."

Congratulations, on your upcoming marriage, and on getting a chuckle out of me.

[–]PoorEdgarDerby 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks. There were bouts of normalcy in there.

[–]TheLucidChiba 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Pretty sure in the hypothetical it is not a good time they're having.

[–]LeoBravo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is the real LPT. Just focus on having a good time for YOURSELF and if they’re a good match they’ll naturally have fun too. If they’re not a good match, that doesn’t have to be your problem. Let them tell you themselves if they wanna ditch (or they can come up with some lame excuse and you’ll have a funny dating story to tell your friends). Don’t ruin your own good time worrying about what might or might not happen.

I spent a decade worrying what other people thought of me and it’s only when I stopped caring and started having fun regardless of what their internal thoughts might be that people started having fun WITH me. Believe me on this. On first dates or even third dates, people aren’t looking for sensitivity, they’re looking for fun. Don’t judge them, don’t worry about whether they’re judging you, and just have fun doing the date activity.

If somebody rejects you, or if a date is bad, the other person is just as much at fault as you are. It takes two people to be incompatible.

[–]suprachromat -1 points0 points  (3 children)

Tell that to Aziz Ansari, who just got accused of not properly reading "non verbals" indicating she was uncomfortable, and therefore "violating" her. Honestly better to turn it awkward than press forward and get accused of sexual misconduct later... 'cos nowadays that's all that's needed to ruin your social reputation, no real proof necessary besides that she felt violated in some way.

source

[–]rattlingblowermotor 3 points4 points  (2 children)

He's also accused of not understanding verbal indications. LPT, don't grope and try to fuck people unless they're into it.

[–]sleepyankles 9 points10 points  (1 child)

How about don't get naked and blow someone if you don't feel like having sex - just leave their apartment.

[–]PBR_Sheetz 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yah I read that article. she sounds like a real bitch. If you go on a date with someone and get naked and blow them, it is not unreasonable to expect further advances. from her admission, when she clearly said stop, she stopped.

[–]expresidentmasks -2 points-1 points  (3 children)

These days you have to protect yourself. Don’t want to be seen as a predator.

[–]Z0MGbies -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

No, as always, you have to not be a predator.

[–]expresidentmasks 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Many people who aren’t predators still get cast as them.

[–]Z0MGbies -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

"many people" also have von-hippel lindau. But it's one of the world's rarest diseases affecting 0.002% of people.

[–]hastagelf 49 points50 points  (1 child)

There are very few people that will ever say "No" during a date, especially if they are sending mixed signals already, they don't want it to be awkward.

[–]DrMadlove 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Especially if there are implications already in place.

[–]_Nearmint 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Most people are going to be put off by this and assume that you are having a bad time and indirectly looking for a way out.

Dating takes two people, if the other person is sending you mixed signals you either aren't interpreting them correctly or they don't know what they want. If you sense it going south, just end it politely instead of putting them on the spot like that.

[–]PuppieWayne 33 points34 points  (2 children)

Good luck with this If you are asking a guy, he will most probably go, wanna go back to my place, Netflix and chill? If it's a girl, she will probably look at you and go, 'I don't know.. do you?' - and guess what, you are back to where you started

[–]Leiderdorp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Rinse and repeat

[–]rattlingblowermotor 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Whether they were in, or out, you're pushing your chances off a cliff by questioning whether or not they want to be there.

[–]Uniqueusername_54 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think it is better to just enjoy yourself and have as mich fun as you can and see if the other person follows the flow or not. Dates do not always work out, thats why we do them, it is an active process.

I think a better LPT is that going on a date is easier than we make it, if they have already accepted, they already like you on some level so just be ther person that you are, since that worked to get you to this point (*unless you put a facade to get the date, then you reap what you sow).

[–]the_undad_10 23 points24 points  (2 children)

LPT: Don’t perform oral sex on each other and then claim sexual assault in the future.

[–]PBR_Sheetz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

zero chance of another date after this regardless of the response or their true feelings.

[–]waluigiiscool 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't fucking do this. You can't be sure what constitute mixed signals, because everyone is different. Especially on a first date where you know nothing about the other person. They might just be nervous. 1. It makes you look like an awkward fuck. 2. It's the most not chill thing to do ever and puts so much pressure on the other person. 3. You asking it might give the other person the impression that YOU aren't interested, and kill your chances. Be likeable and positive.

[–]kbroaster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Then you're kinda not letting nature run its course. Somethings take time and it's not always love at first sight. It's OK if a date is a slow burn or if a relationship takes time to open up. Some people don't just want to jump into bed with someone or just kick off a relationship. There are a lot of guarded people who take time to get to know. Telling them that you're receiving mixed signals is just going to make things awkward a majority of the time. Why not just let it ride out and let the net feeling when it's all over decide if you want to call her/him again and hang out.

[–]Toooldtoollie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There's no shame in asking as long as you do it like this: (Robot voice) "Would you like to end this predetermined social interaction which may or may not lead to sexual intercourse at this time? Please answer yes or no."

[–]Kresley[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello Dogenewnew, thank you for your submission! Unfortunately, your submission has been removed for the following reason(s):

  • Relationship tip.

If you would like to appeal this decision please feel free to contact the moderators here. Do not repost without explicit permission from the moderators. Make sure you read the rules before submitting. Thank you!

[–]JohannReddit[🍰] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

In my experience, this typically won't work until you're in your late 20's / 30's. By then most people are a little more mature and it's more understood that most people are looking for a lasting relationship or marriage material.

[–]Uniqueusername_54 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it is better to just enjoy yourself and have as mich fun as you can and see if the other person follows the flow or not. Dates do not always work out, thats why we do them, it is an active process.

I think a better LPT is that going on a date is easier than we make it, if they have already accepted, they already like you on some level so just be ther person that you are, since that worked to get you to this point (*unless you put a facade to get the date, then you reap what you sow).

[–]phuqnutz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. Just finish the date politely and don't ask for a second one. Then you both walk away with your dignity.

[–]baltimoron315 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't be weird. After the main act of the date, give them an out by asking if they want to do something else. If not, don't press the issue.

[–]ElevenFives 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Better tip is to make sure the end is good. Even for you don't do all your plans but do something fun and exiting at rhe end will be better. People remeber endings more so yeah

[–]-millennialfalcon- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you have to ask, it’s not going well.

[–]nderhjs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was on a horrible first date once and remembered lemon laws for bad cars, how it’s no hard feelings to return a lemon to the dealer. Dude was horrible, so I was like “this is a lemon law date right? We can just leave?” And he was like “thank god, I can’t stand you!” And I was like “hah! Me neither!” We left after shaking hands and laughing.

I realize that’s the exception to the rule and it’s probably not as scary since I’m a dude as well.

[–]danielt1263 0 points1 point  (1 child)

If you are getting mixed signals, then you don't have consent. No need to ask.

[–]Dogenewnew[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You'd be surprised at how many people don't think that.

[–]4chan-party-van 0 points1 point  (1 child)

just drug her and take her back to your place

[–]patapatapatapata 0 points1 point  (0 children)

4chan pls go hack cnn