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LPT: When lending money to friends and family, don't consider it a loan. Give it them. Consider it gone. With this, consider carefully who your friends and family are. If you are willing to help them, monetarily, realize it is to help them at your own financial expense.

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level 1

I once had to ask a friend for help. I had a terrible girlfriend and was supporting both of us at the time. He gave me money to get by and told me I didn't have to pay him back. 3 years later, I got an opportunity to pay him back and it was a huge weight off my shoulders. He had forgotten about giving me money and refused to take the money to pay him back. I ended up buying him something I knew he wanted for a bit more than he had lent me and told him that if I couldn't pay him back I was at least going to do something for him to thank him for helping me when I was in need. If it's someone who cares about you and you care about them, they will find a way to get it back to you. Not everyone but the good people you want in your life.

level 2
429 points · 4 months ago

That's a good friendship on both sides

level 3

If you have a toxic friend or relative and you want them out of your life, make sure they know it's a loan. If it's a large enough amount they'll avoid you like the plague. The loss of money is nothing compared to what someone like that can do to your life. I'm happier never getting it back.

level 4

Sometimes loaning someone twenty dollars and never getting it back can be a great investment.

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level 4
20 points · 4 months ago

Can you lend me a couple millions bruh? I promise i wont ever see you again

level 4

Like in that movie Bronx Tale about 20$. You're always right sunny. Here's the YouTube vid. https://youtu.be/78-4RobJQ0Y

level 4

This. I didn't want them out of my life but I did want them to never ask me for money ever again. I lent them £10 several years ago. Never got it back and frankly it was well worth the tenner for years of peace.

Not to mention if they ever do ask for money again they will be getting told about the money they never paid me back.

Win win. It's a close but financially irresponsible relative and I don't need to be the go to person when they make poor life choices. I have my own poor life choices to make with my own money.

level 4

Like a reverse psychology lpt.

level 4

Or you could just tell them to fuck off for free

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level 2

You two have a great friendship.

level 2

Yeah, that sounds like a keeper.

level 2

"If it's someone who cares about you and you care about them, they will find a way to get it back to you."

therealtipsareinthecomments

level 2

Marry him

level 2

You could also surprise your friend on his birthday as a sign of appreciation.

level 3
38 points · 4 months ago

Waiting for a birthday is fine but IMHO weakens the gesture. Doing it for no other reason makes a stronger statement.

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level 3

Oh come on, don't bring this here :|

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level 2

Great friendship.The last two sentences are valuable!

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level 1
266 points · 4 months ago

My aunt and uncle were in deep financial trouble, underwater on their mortgage and struggling to provide for their kids. My parents in contrast have done very well for themselves. So they loaned my aunt and uncle, complete with contract, lawyers, and everything, a zero interest six-figure sum.

To everyone's shock and surprise my uncle had a secret second family, filed for divorce and bankruptcy and stuck my aunt and their kids with paying back my folks (who have yet to see a dime repaid; this started like five years ago). There's a whole court battle happening now but I think there's a growing feeling that they'll never get repaid without also screwing over my cousins (still young) which they do not want to do. At this point, anything to attack that scandelous uncle is all they can realistically hope for.

Be careful who you lend your money to kids. Even family and close friends are capable of screwing you over. OPs advice is worthy and true.

level 2

Don't ever lend some 6 figures if you can't afford to set that amount of money on fire. I would have to be p diddy rich to even consider lending that amount of money.

level 3

I lent someone $1,100 last April because he said he, his younger bro, amd mother were going to be evicted and he didnt know what to do. He was crying and desperate so i offered to help since he was adament that the following Friday he was getting paid for some work he did on someones house.

Turned out he had a gambling adiction. Never saw that money again and it ended up costing me my own apartment, car, and job.

Its been a hard year.

I hate learning things the hard way.

level 4

Sorry friend :(

level 2

How can he be allowed to get away with that? His name is on the loan? Why does your aunt bear the sole responsibility of paying it back?

Can't a lien be put on his new house? His car seized? His tax return taken? Something?

I'm getting heated just thinking about him getting away with this.

level 3

It may be that they would have to file criminal charges, and perhaps they are not willing to go that far. Sounds like a criminal act to me. No different than defrauding a bank. Perhaps all those lawyers wrote up a shit contract.

level 4

It'd screw over his kids and that is why op's parentss aren't doing anything more.

level 3

He successfully filed for bankruptcy, which seems to give you a lot of cover when dealing with loans. His credit is blown out of the water, though, and his wages will likely be garnished for the rest of his life. Didn't file until after getting a big promotion at work, however, which was a strategic move on his part. Similarly, he didn't file for divorce until a week or so after his eldest child's 18th birthday, freeing him from any financial responsibility to support that kid through college.

Like I said, there is an ongoing court battle, but it turns out there are lots of technicalities you can navigate to make it complicated and expensive to be held accountable.

My aunt hasn't filed for bankruptcy, and putting a lien on the house would really just hurt her, not so much him. She is kind of a victim here too, and is determined to pay my folks back, so even though she is on the loan and is involved in the court stuff, they aren't trying to destroy her the way they want to destroy scummy uncle.

level 4

I wonder if your aunt did manage to pay back the loan, keeping receipts of paying payments or whatever, if she can turn around and sue her ex because they both were under he same loan? I guess it wouldn’t hurt your aunt to consult with a lawyer if that is a possibility.

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level 2

Damn, what a plot twist....

level 2

I guess this is the US, where you can file bankruptcy to get out of dept? Luckely in most countries personal bankruptcy doesn't exist. Still, dick move...

level 3

Yeah filing for bankruptcy can give a lot of cover when dealing with loans it turns out.

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level 1
841 points · 4 months ago

Yea at that point its a question i ask myself "what is this friendship worth to me?" I remeber catching a run of bad luck and my friend game me $300 and i told hin over and over id pay him back. It took me 6ish moths and never in that entire time did he bring it up at all. Thats real friendship.

level 2
154 points · 4 months ago · edited 4 months ago

Well, I wish there were more people like you exist. I remember lending money to a friend. Not only did I not get it back, but also he never brought it up ever. He's also constantly been posting something about how his life is marvellous and how much money he has on his page.

That left me with a lesson, apart from my family, I'll never lend anyone money anymore.

With my SO, we have a joint bank account which we both deposit at the start of every month. So, if one of us is short for money, we can borrow it from there without affecting anything. That's the solution I came up to avoid this such thing.

level 3
[deleted]
17 points · 4 months ago

He's also constantly been posting something about how his life is marvellous and how much money he has on his page.

It also hurts when they keep buying new things and brag about it on social media. I got burned by a friend who supposedly had no money to pay me back but was out buying clothes and expensive electronics she didn't even need.

level 3

Maybe he just forgot? Sounds stupid that someone needed money and then he is actually boasting about his financial status - meaning now he is well off... Why wouldn't he pay back? I'd like to believe he forgot... Try to ask him?

level 4

Thats some personality. To forget you owe someone money that you asked.

Not saying it doesn't happen or it's insidious. But at the same time, it does prove that this person shouldn't ever be loaned money. You can't trust them to ever bring it back without you having to hound them for it.

level 5

Nobody forgets who they owe money to. I still owe my friend 80 bucks from ten years ago. It's bullshit when people say they forget, because you'll never forget who owes you money so on the same hand you'll never forget who you owe money to.

level 6

That's not always true. I forget when I lend people money, especially if it's a sum more meaningful to them than to me, and especially if I know they need it at the time. Most of the time if I lend money, I would have been ready to just give it to them, so I mentally write it off. I have a lot of friends with really no money to speak of (I teach the local language to adult refugees so lots of people I know have limited resources) and if they need a loan it's usually under 50 quid which is a lot to them and it's pretty much treating my friends to a meal out with drinks. So I think, would I be happy to pick up the bill if we went for a night out? Mostly I 5hink, yes, I would, and lend the money with that baseline in mind. Foremost of those guys that kind of sum is huge enough that they make great efforts to get it back to me. And if they don't, it's already written off as far as I'm concerned.

level 7

Yep. Had my brother give me 80 dollars the other day and I didn't know what it was for. Thought he was just being nice. Apparently he owed me.

level 7

This. My mom and I have a running tab. I have no fucking idea how much she owes me exactly. She also tends to forget and we just split the differance of our best guesses for what it was at.

I know I will get it back and she's my mother. She spends money on me every damn day so you know. No biggie.

level 6

It becomes easier to forget when you've had loans before which you've already paid back and they overlap in your mind

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level 6

If they forgot, it's safe to assume they never had any Intention to pay you back.

level 6

It depends on the amount. I sometimes forget I owe someone money, but that’s usually like when they paid for movie tickets, or paid for food, or borrowed some change to pay for something small.

The opposite is the same, I also often forget when people borrow small amounts from me.

level 6

I forget money I've loaned to someone. Especially if it's someone close. Always a nice surprise when a debt is paid I had all but forgotten.

level 7

Your friend: Hey man here's he money I owe you!

You: Oh wow, that's awesome, I forgot all about it.

Your friend (internally): Shit!

level 8

That exact exchange has happened several times. The "shit" was external though.

level 6
[deleted]
2 points · 4 months ago

Well that's just another silly blanket statement. You're telling me nobody has ever forgot that they owe someone money, and if they say they have, they're lying? Ridiculous.

level 5

I mean, we don’t have a time frame or a sense of scale here. I’ve heard gripes like that about year old loans of very small amounts, sometimes little shit gets lost in the shuffle

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level 4

I've forgotten these types of things, it doesn't make me a bad person like some people are saying. I just have a really bad memory due to sleep depravation. Probably for most people how well you remember it depends on how much money they were given. Or perhaps it's a really stressful time in their life, and their brain is not completely healthy and focused. Either way I think it's better to give people a chance to explain themselves, like you are suggesting, before throwing away a friendship.

level 4

Sounds stupid that someone needed money and then he is actually boasting about his financial status.

Because he's a cunt and does not actually have that amount of money he claimed to. You know, these kind of people exist.

I'd like to believe he forgot... Try to ask him?

I did, but typically, he kept saying he would pay me back asap. It'd been going on for months and I'd heard nothing from him and eventually I decided to fuck it and cut him off my life. It was kinda a big money back then, but looking back at it today I'm glad to have these people off my life.

level 3

That left me with a lesson, apart from my family, I'll never lend anyone money anymore.

The lesson should have been "I'll never lend money to that person again". It's not really fair to hold the rest of the world accountable for what your friend did. Money comes and goes and helping others in times of need is one of the best things you can do with it. You're really only punishing yourself.

level 2

That’s because you brought it up, made an effort, and paid him back. Most people are not like that. You are one of the good ones.

level 3

He never expected it back. We recognized our friendship is worth way more than peices of paper people have assigned arbitrary values to

level 4

That’s a true friend.

level 2

That’s a key thing to think about. If your friend isn’t worth or can’t be trusted with the money in question, how tight are you? I’ve made loans to friends I trust and gotten them back, and I’ve made “loans” to friends who I knew weren’t going to pay me back, but who were also friends I valued more than the money in question. I don’t have any real regrets about that. What I don’t like is having one of those fractious relationships where everyone is concerned about a debt, those almost never turn out well.

level 2

My friend (1) caught a patch of bad luck since graduating college and borrowed 500 dollars from another friend (2) to go to my bachelor party. When friend (3) who paid for the house and stuff asked for the money friend (2) could only pay for himself. Friend 1 and Friend 3 don’t know each other, leaving me to pay for Friend 1. So now he owes me 500 that I never intended to lend him?

I’ve offered payment plans etc and he’s only given me 40 bucks when really hard pressed. Do I cut him off? Its a lot of money!

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level 1
131 points · 4 months ago

I've always done this. But then again, I don't "loan" more than I can afford. never over $100.

level 2

Me neither after making that mistake once :(

Actually it wasn't even a loan, we bought a joint birthday gift for a friend and he just never paid his half. Still gets credit for the present 10 years later though.

level 3

What was the present

level 3

Actually it wasn't even a loan, we bought a joint birthday gift for a friend and he just never paid his half. Still gets credit for the present 10 years later though.

This is a different case altogether and I'm pretty sure you'd be legally justified to murder your friend. No jury would convict.

level 2
6 points · 4 months ago

For the same exact reason, I never loan anyone more than a buck fifty.

level 3
8 points · 4 months ago

Not more than tree fiddy

level 4

WHAT?, you gave him tree fiddy, Of COURSE HE'S GONNA COME BACK FOR MORE!

level 2
3 points · 4 months ago · edited 4 months ago

"If you can't afford to lose it, you can't afford to lend it."

level 2

Yeah I do the same, otherwise im gonna be bitter lol

level 1

"Don't ever loan money you can't afford to lose" is what a teacher once told me and I've kept that piece of knowledge since.

I recently loaned a friend 4k. She said she will pay me back, but I don't think she will. I don't care, it helped her and her kids out during a rough patch. That's what friends are for, help out each other and don't ask questions when someone needs something.

level 2

Today you, tomorrow me.

level 3

I cry every time. What a story.

level 4
31 points · 4 months ago

Today you, tomorrow gay swans.

level 5

ಥ_ಥ

level 6
level 3

That’s what I say at funerals.

level 2

My friend isn't that well off, but in the last 3 years, 5 childhood/hs/college friends have asked him to borrow money. Every one of them have cut off contact.

He's been severely affected by it and has become more cynical. He says he will never let any friends borrow money again. He also is taking care of his grandmother and took it personally when they didn't pay him back when they told him. All of these amounts were in the thousands.

level 3
8 points · 4 months ago · edited 4 months ago

There's a saying that i hear a lot and i agree with - Want to lose a friend? Lend him money

The only ones I will he ever able to lend some bigger amount of money will be just my family. Also if you didnt pay back the last time, dont come asking for more.

It might be sad, but necessary, as even in close family people can be assholes trying to take advantage od you and never intend on paying back.

level 2

Yeah, I've slept on many couches before I could buy one of my own.

level 2

I was taught "If you can't afford to lose it, you can't afford to lend it.". Same message, but just a little catchier, I think. It's how I'll be teaching my children.

level 2

This is the motto I live by. I ask to be paid pack but I don't loan it in the first place if I can't handle not getting it back.

Good friends make every effort to pay you back as soon as they can. Some may struggle because of their situation or some may forget (ive completely forgotten myself that I've owed someone money until they reminded me) but all that's okay, because I'm not relying on it, so it doesn't build bad feelings.

Those that make no effort and go out of their way to not pay you back, well, you just learned how much you can rely on them and adjust your friendship accordingly. And the money was the cost of that lesson.

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level 1
154 points · 4 months ago

Yeah, if it's family and friends who I know will do anything in their power not to borrow, but had to? I lend and never bring it up again. I consider it a gift

Always a pleasant surprise when they pay me back because I honestly forget about it. I'll cheer over the free money and drag them to eat in celebration of their freedom from debt

I've had friends who'd bring it up on their own while apologizing in deep shame, and I'd assure them I don't mind and they can pay me back in their own time and, in the meantime, let's do our best to turn their life around

I draw the line on loved ones who I know will just waste it on useless crap. If you have to borrow to go on a vacation, it's a very firm No

One of my father's many lessons is this: not everyone has the privilege to give. While you have it, do it

level 2

You got a good heart man

level 2

I’m the same way. If my buddy is short and I have it, that’s theirs. Usually it comes back, sometimes it doesn’t, sometimes it comes back with unrequested interest. I’m usually about even, and even if I’m out a little, that means nobody had to get their power shut off, and people tend to remember that stuff.

level 2
2 points · 4 months ago

You put that beautifully. Some years ago I lent my cousin a few thousand she really needed, but told her she didn't have to worry about paying it back. I honestly don't even remember how much it was. I consider it money well spent.

level 1

I've got friends that neatly pay their loans. Might take them a while but i don't care.

level 2

Same. Makes me sad to see so many people complaining about friends and family ripping them off but that has not been the case for me.

level 3

I think that's mostly because "This one time I loaned someone money and he payed it back" isn't much of a story, so people will not mention that very often (except in a context like this one)

level 1
32 points · 4 months ago · edited 4 months ago

Yep. Was burned by an ex. I still have an IOU on a piece of scrap paper in his handwriting. We're not even close to being friends now for unrelated reasons, but there was no way I was getting that money back in any case. That piece of scrap paper was wishful thinking. I keep it to remember this very thing.

level 2

My ex drained my entire savings account in the year and a half we we're together. He forced a proposal on me super early on in a way that I couldn't have said no, and after that I felt like I was just stuck forever and had to do everything to make it work and to help him. In reality it was just a power move he made to force me to cover all his needs while he went and did fuck knows what with his money. I paid for his car to be fixed ($1500), I paid his cellphone almost every month or so. I paid his gas. I paid his insurance a lot. I paid for his tags and all the late fees when he let them expire by 8 months and got a ticket. I paid his storage unit. I paid his rent to my parents. Everything. I paid everything for him, always with the promise that he would get it back to me, and that he was so close to getting on track. I was a student making like $400 a month, and constantly having panic attacks about paying his bills. He knew all my banking info, but I was never allowed to ask about his or where his money was going, just that it was already gone and he needed me to pay for whatever important thing it was this time. I still have panic attacks about money, and spending more than a few dollars on things that I want for myself.

level 3

Similar boat to you.. My ex wife refused to work after her maternity leave was done. I worked my ass off for us to get by, and I paid for everything. yes she looked after the baby and that was great, but looking back now we were nowhere near financially secure enough to do this. After about a year I got laid off from my job, I searched relentlessly for a similar paying job, or atleast one that would pay the bills. She still refused to go back to her previous job so we could get by..

I ended up stressed to the max , and completely maxed out on credit.all I could do to stop the stress was dig into my retirement savings to pay off the debt. Now we are separated and I still owe her half of everything, great times!

level 4

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I couldn't imagine if I had actually wound up marrying him. I probably would never have managed to get out of that situation. A lot of people don't really seem to realize how trapped you feel when you're in that sort of situation.

I really hope you're doing better, even if you're still stuck having to partially care for her. Unless it's child support, which hopefully mostly goes to your child if she has custody. But it's still really shitty.

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level 3

That's terrifying. Glad you made it out of that!

level 4

Definitely not the worst of my shitty, manipulative relationships, but I am too. It took me having to move out of my parents house where we were living and onto campus at my University. That was the only way I was able to get enough physical space from him to get some real perspective and be able to leave.

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level 2
[deleted]
5 points · 4 months ago

Can I ask how things ended between you and your ex?

level 3

Broke up while still living together - trying to be friends and failing. He ended up basically kicking me out so his next girlfriend could move in. Honestly, I was happy to leave. The IOU was for rent/utilities that I covered while he claimed to be broke.

level 4

Went through something similar, but he was legit broke (fast food does not pay well). He owes me a 5k. Whatever. I'm broke as hell but I'm definitely not willing to ask him for it back. Over that drama.

level 1

If I am stuck for money and ask someone for a loan then I will do everything I can to pay them back when I said I would. If I am unable to pay them back on the day that I said I would, I fully acknowledge the fact that I owe them money and apologise for not being able to pay them back as originally planned because this way the person will not be wondering in their mind if I've forgotten or don't plan on actually paying them back which can cause anger and resentment (rightfully so).

I absolutely hate the feeling of owing someone money so I will do everything I can to pay people back and on the other end I think someone is a shitty person if they get a loan and don't acknowledge and apologise for late repayments and it's even worse if they don't repay you at all. Certain members of my family can go and fuck themselves because they've repeatedly pulled this shit, asking for 'loans' when they don't even broach the topic on the day it's supposed to be paid back and then getting offended when it's mentioned to them, it's a serious sign of disrespect, disregard and ignorance

level 2
16 points · 4 months ago

This. Just a few years ago, I had to borrow $1000 from a friend to finance a move after getting a new job. The first month I didn't spend any money on anything apart from much-needed work clothes and cheap groceries, so I could pay her back after a month.

She would have been fine with getting the money back later, but that's not how I roll.

level 1

Yes and no. $30? Sure take it. $3000? Let's sign some paperwork to manage expectations. If you love someone enough to give an amount that hurts you to help them, you should love them enough to set down clear terms so you dont lose them to a missunderstanding. You can still forgive the dept later if you want.

level 2
26 points · 4 months ago

You don't have to tell them that it's a gift. Just consider it as such in your own mind.

level 2

My best friend asked me if 2K to pay for her divorce because she really doesn’t have the money . I had to flat out say no, yes I have 2K no way am I giving it to you because that money is not just expendable and I won’t just forget about it.

level 3

If you can't forget the money, don't lend it. Glad you knew it before it accidently ruined the relationship

level 3

If she's not blowing money on self-destructive habits like gambling, drugs, alcohol, or trying to hold on to an abusive relationship, if you think that it truly is a 1 time thing and she really is in dire straits, then IMO this was a bad decision. A best friend is worth more than 2k don't you think? Plus, isn't this sort of situation exactly what friends are for?

Unless you're also in dire straits financially which is different.

level 3

If they ask me I just say I can give them the minimum i'm willing to not get back, unless it's a really close relative or I know the circumstance is mad it's never failed me

It's like investing in something, never more than you're willing to lose

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level 1

I’ve seen this LPT before, but a better and more general way of putting it is: don’t count money as yours if somebody owes it to you. Only count the money you have.

This comes up with real businesses. Some businesses count money they are owed as if they had it. Some assume the worst and don’t count it until they have it. The first model is able to expand their business faster, while the second is much much safer.

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level 1

Or in other words, never loan out money that you cannot yourself afford to lose.

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level 1

I remember to have seen this exact same post on this LPT

level 2

I think this is the 4th time I've seen it 😐

level 1

Still doesn’t hurt to have it down as a loan through a contract. Bitterness over a bit of paper is better than over money.

level 2
[deleted]
35 points · 4 months ago

I think the point is if you gift it to them then you don’t expect it back so can’t be bitter when you don’t get it and ruin a friendship but if they can and do return it then brilliant.

level 3

Sure, you are right.

level 2

I think if you get a contract, that's telling the other person "This loan is our friendship. If you default on it, the friendship is over."

level 3

No, the contract is so that we don't wonder what comes next. The loan giver doesn't have to sit on awkward questions and the receiver doesn't have to wonder what's expected. It's also a record so that you don't have a fight about exactly what happened.

I loaned my brother a fair amount of money when he was tight. Divorce, providing for his daughter, and work trouble, had him in a bad spot. The contract we made together made the money a business deal instead of charity. It saved his pride, let me share more than was comfortable for me, and made it so that we didn't have to talk about it until a bit of paper said so.

level 3

Well a true friend wouldn’t accept the loan if they are not certain to pay it back. I understand what the OP is saying, but there are times where a contract is needed. It’s not always a bad thing if both parties agree to the terms.

level 4

You're right, but that's the thing. Imagine your friend isn't able to pay back the money in the allotted time. What do you do? Use the contract to come after him? That effectively terminates the friendship, IMO, and those are the unspoken terms when you draft such a contract.

level 5

If they can't pay it back then we can renegotiate the terms. If their truly having trouble them no harm no foul. However, if that friend suddenly has a new TV and Xbox but hasn't paid me back, I can take him to court.

I'm not ending the friendship over a loan, the friend is ending the friendship because they're being sneaky and buying stupid shit before paying me back. If the friendship was truly important to the friend, the friend would have made a better effort to make sure to repay the loan.

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level 1

Never loan money with the expectation of getting it back.

I have found that the only people in my life that I know for a fact will pay me back, are the same people that I won't mind if they don't.

level 1

I recently loaned my little brother 400 euros. He has been paying it back in installments that we clearly set out when we made the arrangement.

I don't disagree with this in general but like with anything this isn't ironclad. Having said that I did write it off as money gone because I was willing to give it to him if needed.

level 1

I lent my brother $800 as there was a gap at the start of the year before he got his student loan. I could afford it and got the money back 4 months later when his loan came through. I did constantly bug him about the money though as that's the kind of relationship we have. Think Stewie Griffin when Brian owes him money. Got money for fake mustaches!!

level 2

$2.99!

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level 1

"There are two sure ways to lose a friend. One is to borrow, the other: to lend." -Arliden of the Edema Ruh

level 1
5 points · 4 months ago · edited 4 months ago

TL;DR: When possible, always return something in better condition than you received it. Reputation is also a resource.

The burden sometimes goes both ways. In my experience, it's never easy asking friends or family for money. However, I've always promised to repay anything borrowed with interest. That way, it doesn't feel like a handout.

Even if they refuse to take anything back more than they gave, it makes it clear that this isn't about taking advantage of the relationship, but rather turning to someone you trust in an already embarrassing and vulnerable situation.

Then, prioritize paying that money back above all things. It's the best way I've found to avoid burning bridges or causing more strain than there already is - in regard to life and the relationship with the lender.

level 1

Lending money to a friend is deciding which one you’d rather lose : Your money or your friend.

level 1

LPT: Pay your debts to your friends and family

level 2

Another gem here.

level 1

I've learnt the hard way.
Always reminds me of the $20 scene from A Bronx tale.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAuSTQUa3tM

About getting off easy because they're now out your life for just $20, won't bother you again, won't ask you for money again.

I mean, doesn't apply when it's a lot more than $20.. And is what use to be a close family member.

Id say "I didn't get of easy"

You have to just treat it as money gone sadly, even know I personally would NEVER in my life, EVER for one second, even think about doing that, I'd pay any debt I'm ever loaned at the very first opportunity and make sure to show my appreciation, but sadly, that's not how the world works.

It sucks balls. I use to bring it up, when the debt was fairly manageable, and it was always "Yeah I plan to" - But nothing ever happens, although no budgeting, plenty of nights out, a social life and treats are still a thing on that side.

But the debt slowly creeps up every year, next time they come calling.

level 1

My brother asked me for $500. I gave it to him. He had a job but had just started and was only paid monthly.

The next weekend he got a DWI and I had to come up with $1500 cash to bail him out.

I gave all of that money free and clear and have no regrets about any of it. It bothers him and his wife though.

A few weeks later, she was drunk and yelled at me for being “Mr Moneybags” and accused me of giving them money so I could brag about it.

I quietly left the party, still glad I have a job and a little bit of savings

level 1

This is something I've been semi-burned over. $200 took several months to pay off after harsh prodding from me. his excuses ended up being his girlfriend.

1 more reply

level 1

This is my policy on both books and money.

level 1

This all day.

I lent money to a friend who needed to buy a car, we found a well maintained, reliable example for $3500 and he was over the moon about it, but only had 2800 in his budget. This man has helped me countless times with car repairs, doing work on my home, given me all kinds of neat free stuff that he had just laying around that I thought was cool.

When he started struggling financially, I had no issues with giving him $800 to buy this car. He bought it, they drove it for 2 years issue free and now he is back in his feet again, during that whole time he lent more of his time helping me do projects around my, at the time, new house.

The amount of labor I got out of him over time is well worth over the $800 I gave him, and I never bothered him about giving it back, even though he assumed it was a loan and mentioned he was going to pay me back.

Eventually I told him that he already had.

level 1

Doormat<— So many people owe me money. I don’t lend anyone at all “borrow” money anymore. At all. Period.

level 1

Only way to do it and I learned the hard way. I had to let a large chunk go via lack of repayment and any help to anyone from then on was always considered a gift in my mind. It helps.

level 1
[deleted]
2 points · 4 months ago

In other words, dont loan out anything you can't afford to lose.

level 1

Awesome advice. Wish I knew about this sooner gave 6000k to my mom paying her rent two years ago when I was just barely getting by in a new city. I learned to accept I won't get it back any more and that cut my aniexty of waiting for that money. Im not going to hold it against here but I don't lend her money anymore.

level 1

Do those of you that lend money ever try to help with the underlying issue? I understand that "things come up", but if you live below your means and put money away you should be somewhat prepared (before I get ripped for not getting how tough it is out there - I've been homeless before and had to rely on friends. But I was the reason I was in that situation). I have professional friends who always say they don't have money - but they make incredibly stupid economic decisions that make that the case. They just feel like they are too whatever to give up "The finer things" to something as pedestrian as live modestly and save.

level 1

When I was in school I had a friend who’s parents were bankrupt. They borrowed money from one of my other friends parents, something like £10,000 and then just moved away. Found out like 4 years later but I can’t begin to imagine how I’d feel if that happened to me.

level 1

LPT Don't lend money to family!

level 1

its healthy to have a bit of this attitude around lending money but as actual advice this is horrible. if you don't like loaning out money or people never pay them back, just admit that you cannot give loans because of how you are.

dont try to force a redefenition of what the word loan means, what you are saying is "don't lend money, give it away". that might work for you but my experience has been vastly different. trustworthy people are capable of keeping a social contract, if they break it they are no longer trustworthy.

level 1

Something shocking to me has always been how other cultures view transgenerational money in the family.

In my culture the child will live at home, off of the parents dollar which covers everything, until they are either married, at school (which they will then return from), or have a well established job nearing 6 figures. In return, the parents expect to be cared for and not be placed in a retirement home. However a parent will never ever ask for money that they give their child back and they will never kick their child out at 18.

Then I have coworkers that were kicked out at 18, struggling to pay for school while working and are now 26 and still going to college, spending half their paycheck on rent and transportation and the other half on tuition and food, very little savings. Sometimes the ask for a loan from their parents and are expected to pay it back. If they are living at home they are splitting the rent with their parents.

Loaning money has always given me a bad taste, it puts money at the top of the pyramid of importance, and thats pretty gross to me.

level 1

I have a friend where repayment of a loan is actually just a meme now. I was in a tough spot a few years back and he lent me about $200. I was in a tough enough spot (and bad enough with money) that I had a hard time paying him back in full so I did it in installments of $20. When I got down to $80 left he said “just buy me dinner and we’ll call it even”. Now, I’m in a much better place in life and so every time we go out I buy his dinner and when he tries to stop me I just tell him “hey man, it’s the least I can do, I’ve owed you $80 forever”

level 1
4 points · 4 months ago

But what if they don't want you to just give it to them? They say that they're only borrowing, they're not freeloaders, they'll definitely give it back, etc. Then you ask about it a while later, they promise to give it back on Monday. Monday comes and they say that it's still tight, they have bills and shit, yet their facebook is filled with pictures of them partying in fancy bars all weekend and then a post talking about this cool huge tattoo they're getting.

I'm not angry about the money, I'm angry about lying.

level 2

That's when you decide to never loan then money ever again

level 3
3 points · 4 months ago

Dude had the balls to ask me if I'd rent him a room in my apartment, promised to pay back what he borrowed and then pay rent in a week, when he gets paid. I told him to pay it back first, then I'll consider renting. He hung up, we haven't talked in a year since.

I still have him on fb, he has enough money to go to fancy clubs, but not enough to return what he borrowed. I asked around and apparently he did this to many of his friends, who all cut contact with him.

At first I felt bad about it because we were really good friends, but then I realized that he simply became an asshole.

level 2

If you followed OP's advice, you can just write off the money and cut contact.

level 3

That's what I did. He still called a few times afterwards asking for favors, to give him a ride home because he missed the last bus or something. Yea, that's not gonna happen. I don't understand why he thought that I'll help him after he lied to my face.

I'm not the only one, he did the same to many other friends.

level 1

Thanks for reminding us again! Almost forgot it after seeing it two days ago, a week ago and basically twice every week before that.

level 1

This is something I've done since being burnt a couple of times, it's a considerably better way of doing things.

level 1

If you’re lending money to ANYONE you get a contract signed saying you’ll get the money back at an agreed upon date or you take them to court. You don’t hand money out just because you can and feel like you should. Otherwise you end up with no money and a bunch of people in your life asking to borrow more from you.

level 1

I've learned over the years not to give money to friends. I don't have a problem lending money to my mom or anything but I've never had a friend pay me back despite them saying otherwise.

level 1

I am down £5000 to my friends fingers crossed lol

level 2

Hey - losing 5000 pounds is something to be proud of! Hard work, diet, and exercise!

level 2

Fuck that's a lot

level 1

That is a great LPT, thanks. I've always believed the same way. Never loan to family, give it to them and if they want to give it back fine, if not that's fine too. Let the money go emotionally or it will impact the relationship.

level 1

Indeed never lend what you cannot afford to lose 😉

level 1

This is exactly how I’ve always thought about it.

level 1

But if they DO pay it back, that's a clear test of the people you can trust with your life!

level 1

The most underrated LPT ever. I once lent $500 to a friend who "is going through a rough patch" only for her to waste the money away on hair salons, cafe-hopping etc. Got the money back 4 years later fortunately, but I've learnt my lesson hard.

level 1

Never loan a friend money unless you're willing to lose them both.

level 1

This also applies to personal belongings... I lost a lot of video games in my life lending them to friends/family .

level 1
[deleted]
1 point · 4 months ago

My dad said "never lend what you can't afford to not get back"

level 1

Real LPT: don’t loan money to family or friends.

level 1

I do this. If my sister asks for a loan then I always tell her not to worry about paying it back; just try to get things sorted.

level 1

LPT: Don't lend friends and family money.

level 1

Or take a collateral.

level 1

Yup, had to learn this the hard way 2 years ago, and now no longer talk to those friends.

level 1

I've always said "Never lend out more than you're willing to lose". If they pay you back that's of course great, but if not at least it wasn't more than you were comfortable with losing in the first place.

level 1

How do you consider carefully who your family is?

level 1

My brother loaned me $3,000 when I was having a really bad time in life.

It took me three years to get my life together and build up enough savings. I paid him $4,000 back. He was worth it.

level 1

Reminds me of a saying I heard. "A true friend is one you can never repay, because he will never come to collect the debt." Since I heard that I honestly don't mind helping friends and family out when they need it. Never ask for money back.

level 1

Honestly, I only lend money to people I want to cutt off these days..

level 1

If everyone used this advice. We could evolve to the next level as a species.

level 1

When I was in elementary school, I lent a girl in my class my favorite pencil and she lost it. I car home in tears. (Seven year old girls love special pencils with designs and fancy erasers, for anyone who is wondering what could’ve been so special about a pencil.) My dad told me not to lend someone anything I wasn’t willing to lose. I took that advice from that day forward.

level 1

give it them

Wut?

1 more reply

level 1

What the fuck kind of logic is that lol if I lend my mate a fiver I expect it back

level 1

So true.Difficult part is to know the people who really cares.

level 1

I never understood loaning money to one's family. Must be an American thing.

level 1

That last sentence is redundant as hell

level 1

This is how people will end up using you all the time for money. Make an exception if they really need it but don't let them treat you like a bank account. I've made this mistake way too much & In the end, all your savings will be gone before you know it.

level 1

Is it ethical to charge interest ?

level 1

This x1000. Loaning somebody even $20 caused a ridiculous amount of stress and strife. On the other side, I've given people hundreds...clearly labelled as a gift that I don't expect back...and there's none of the pain. Each time they've said they would pay me back, but I ignore that. I know they're not likely to ever do so easily, and I'm not falling into the trap of expecting it again. It's all about the expectation.

level 1

I treat it like I bought a contract of not having to deal with the person, and it only expires if/when they pay me back.

level 1

Nice try cousin Roman.

level 1

I'm not sure this is good advice.

level 1

Never borrow, bet, or invest money that you will miss if you don't get it back.

level 1

My wife and I had a neighbor we lent/gave rent money to. She was a single mom with 2 little girls (adopted so no child support) and had to stop working due to a disability. She moved away about a month later and had said she would pay us back but we knew that was unlikely. We were never repaid but I have no regrets on that one; we need to help each other out sometimes.

level 1

Even better advice.

Don't give money to people the wouldn't give

level 1

See, my family took the opposite approach. Two pages of paperwork spelling out repayment terms, interest rates, etc. Had it notarized with witnesses. Granted, we were talking about $20k here, but still.

level 1

This sounds like a scheme by one of my buds to give them money. It won't work dave or other dave I know

level 1
[deleted]
1 point · 4 months ago

No. This is. Shitty tip. Do not let people walk over you like that and assume that they won't pay you back.

level 1

I always find this advice so depressing. Why would you choose to be friends with someone that you didn't trust to pay you back money owed? If I had such a low opinion of someone I wouldn't consider them a friend.

level 1

For a group of people who are in power purely based on the fact that they are bullshit artists, they aren't even particularly good at it.

level 1

I have twice lent friends reasonably large sums of money (one was approx. $10,000) so that they did not loose their houses to foreclosure. On both occasions, they paid me back over time. I was happy that I could afford to help them out. My friends were aware that the money was retirement money that I could not afford to loose.

75 more replies

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