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gildings in this subreddit have paid for 13.68 months of server time

LPT: don't brush your teeth immediately after vomiting! by Zarana85 in LifeProTips

[–]canine_canestas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Smells like shitty morph in here

Edit: I was right. Always follow your nose.

LPT: don't brush your teeth immediately after vomiting! by Zarana85 in LifeProTips

[–]Nitroapes 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Long time no see, I fucking love you. You always make me laugh.

Gold? Look at me now ma!!!

LPT: don't brush your teeth immediately after vomiting! by Zarana85 in LifeProTips

[–]Synyst3rZombi3z 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for introducing me to your shenanigans. I just cracked up reading all of your older comments. Made my day.

LPT: don't brush your teeth immediately after vomiting! by Zarana85 in LifeProTips

[–]JarlOfPickles 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Usually I'm suspicious and either look at the username or skip right to the ends of these things, and it's never u/shittymorph. The one time I don't, it is u/shittymorph.

LPT: When you are trying to resolve an issue with your partner, sit down face-to-face and hold each other's hands while talking. by MerleChi in LifeProTips

[–]HevC4 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Or let her sit on your face while she talks it out. Anything we say won’t matter anyway, might as well put the tongue to good use.

LPT: Teach your dog to ring a bell to go outside instead of scratching or barking by zhaligkeer317 in LifeProTips

[–]Sloth_speed 2008 points2009 points x2 (0 children)

poop on the floor next to the door

Everybody walk the dinosaur

Edit: thanks for the gold lol. Aurum est potestas bitches

LPT: Teach your dog to ring a bell to go outside instead of scratching or barking by zhaligkeer317 in LifeProTips

[–]KickingWithWTR 4782 points4783 points  (0 children)

Tried it. Dog associated bell with going to the bathroom so well she would ring the bell and then poop on the floor next to the door.

Edit: Thanks for the gold someone. Crazy how this accidentally blew up. What do I do now that I have gold???

LPT: If you're nervous about asking your boss/potential employer about raises/salary, don't think of them as authority figures you hope will be more generous, think of them as customers who are buying your time. by dfens762 in LifeProTips

[–]sendtubes 213 points214 points x2 (0 children)

  • Good day sir!
  • What do you want Hank?
  • I come with a interesting proposition for you sir
  • If you broke the shitter again, i am not paying for a cleaner.
  • Na na, im here to sell you my time. Yes you heard correct, my time sir!
  • Are you on a break right now? why are you not working?
  • Hear me out sir. I give you my knowledge, expertis and valuable time. In return for this generous offer, i am willing to take 3 thousands of your dollars... sir. A month.
  • I swear to god Hank, if you are drinking on the job again..
  • Na na, i would never do that to a customer of my time.
  • What did you call me?
  • My customer.. or time client if you prefer sir.
  • Hank. Get the fuck back to your shift or you are getting fired at this very moment.
  • Very well sir. We shall talk about my humble proposal after brunch perhaps?
  • Do you even know what brunch is? never mind. Get out.
  • Can i borrow 5 bucks for the vending machine?
  • No, get out.
  • Ok. Btw, i did brake the shitter again.. Slams the door

LPT: Ordering a drink "tall" at a bar is not the same as ordering a "double". "Tall" will get you the same amount of alcohol, but more mixer. by timmytucker in LifeProTips

[–]TheManWhoWasNotShort 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Based on my experiences with Wisconsin they basically just IV a keg into your arm then hand you a bottle of Jameson's to chug while the keg empties into your blood stream.

All for about $8

LPT: If you lose your ring in the ocean (or anywhere) like I did, there is a national directory of people who will help you find it free of charge, and they found mine! by imganan in LifeProTips

[–]Frptwenty 4357 points4358 points x2 (0 children)

I mentioned this to Sauron and he was super pissed nobody had told him earlier. Apparently his ring was stolen then lost in a river.

LPT: When a nuclear bomb goes off, very few people are so close that they're doomed no matter what. Don't submit to fatalism, take steps to prepare and you maximize your chance of survival by Chamale in LifeProTips

[–]TeslaApe 2488 points2489 points  (0 children)

Reddit a few days ago highlighted that a nuclear test produced a manhole cover flying at 125,000 miles per hour (34 miles per second, or 183 feet per millisecond, or a mere 2.2 inches per microsecond), the fastest propelled object ever.

I just have to duck faster than that, and it'll be fine. No worries.

LPT: When a nuclear bomb goes off, very few people are so close that they're doomed no matter what. Don't submit to fatalism, take steps to prepare and you maximize your chance of survival by Chamale in LifeProTips

[–]Poogoestheweasel 4002 points4003 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't bother checking the phone for updates.

Updating the OS will mean your phone is not usable for 5 minutes or so and you could miss valuable information.

Edit:. Wow! I go to update the OS on my phone and come back to find my most upvoted comment!

Thank you for the gold!!

LPT: If you're poor, homeless, just hungry, or know someone who is, go to a Sikh temple for "langar." a free meal is served to all the visitors, without distinction of religion, caste, gender, economic status or ethnicity. by Es_rote_Rosen_regnen in LifeProTips

[–]vikramjatt11 270 points271 points  (0 children)

Would you be expected to attend or participate in worship before or during the meal?

Nope, you do not need to participate in worship. But if you do wish to sit there for a few minutes, that is completely up to you. Here is how it usually goes, I'll outline all the steps, the ones with an asterisk are mandatory:
*1. Arrive with no influence of drugs or alcohol. No smoking allowed anything on Gurudwara property either.
*2. Go inside, the first area will be where you remove your shoes. You can remove your shoes here, there will be an area to put them. Removal of socks is personal preference. Jeans and a t-shirt are great, there is no actual dress code, you will see people wearing everything imaginable.
*3. Head must be covered, with any cloth except a baseball cap. There will be head coverings somewhere in the enterence/shoes area.
4. You will see sinks by the shoe area, to wash your hands after removing your shoes. You may wash them if you please. Sikhs wash their hands to cleanse them before entering a holy place.
5. There will be a main hall, where most people go next, this is where our holy scripture is kept. You basically walk towards the shrine, put $1 there (not required) and bow in front of the scripture. Again, not mandatory. No one is going to force you.
6. If you skip 5, you may just walk into this hall and sit anywhere. You will see men sitting on one side and women on one side, you sit on the side of the sex you belong to. Men/women sit right/left to each other because they are equals, and not front/back where the ones in front would be considered higher than the ones in the back.
7. If you do decide to sit, you basically just sit and listen. There is no "participation" requirement, we go to listen. There is no time requirement, you may come and go as you please.
8. If you skip 5-7, you may head straight to the food hall, ask anyone there if you cannot find the "langar hall", but it should be pretty easy to spot. This is where you go to eat. You just go, grab a plate, put the food you want to eat, sit down, and eat. People will be walking around doing "sewa" (providing service), providing more food/water for refills.

Steps 4-7 are completely optional, you may skip them and go straight to step 8 if you please, but we do step 5 to show respect to our Holy Scripture (considered our current Guru (teacher) since 1708).

These steps are for busy days (usually Sunday 10am - 2pm) when lots of people are there, other days there will be fewer people and it will be quieter. You may, of course, ask anyone for help, look for a teenager or you get adult, they would be more than happy to show you around, without much of a language barrier.

Let me know if you have any questions.

LPT: If your job involves a lot of talking on the phone, take the time to learn the NATO Phonetic Alphabet. by KingPellinore in LifeProTips

[–]pierrekrahn 650 points651 points  (0 children)

November Echo Victor Echo Romeo Golf Oscar November November Alpha Golf India Victor Echo Yankee Oscar Uniform Uniform Papa November Echo Victor Echo Romeo Golf Oscar November November Alpha Lima Echo Tango Yankee Oscar Uniform Delta Oscar Whiskey November November Echo Victor Echo Romeo Golf Oscar November November Alpha Romeo Uniform November Alpha Romeo Oscar Uniform November Delta Alpha November Delta Delta Echo Sierra Echo Romeo Tango Yankee Oscar Uniform