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192
Posted by
The VanGod
1 month ago
Stickied post
192
2
Posted by
Shitty CFP® Professional
2 hours ago

Amazing introduction on the virtues of lentils to spendthrift normies!

Everyone has their own super food, I hear things like grapefruit, quinoa, and whatever the latest hipster craze.

Lentils are a Super Efficient Food, here are 4 reasons:

  • 70+ Grams Of Protein Per Dollar

  • Cooked in 15 minutes

  • They don’t need to be stirred when cooked, 0 effort!

  • They go with every flavor

When I diet, I eat lentils daily. They are filling, have protein, and are great for portioning out.

They are more than 2x more cost effective than Chicken, and almost 20x more cost effective than Subway for protein.

https://efficiencyiseverything.com/how-to-easily-cook-lentils/

Get your lives together, people! Beans are not the new lentils, lentils are the new lentils!

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comment
14

Basically title. I just wanted to brag about something that happened to me that is super unrealistic and shouldn’t be assumed is the norm in any career. And my wife is like... really hot.

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39

So I’ve never mentioned any financial problems as I’ve been living comfortably at the ripe old age of 21. Today I found out that my rich, hot grandparents left me 30m in a bank account that I now have access to.

Because that’s more money than most poors will see in their pathetic lives (but still essentially pennies in this transaction called “life”), I’m reaching out to this sub to figure out how to manage this relatively small amount of money without going broke.

Firstly, I’m thinking about investing roughly 80% of it into a vanguard. I know jack shit about it but y’all mention it a lot so it must rake in the big bucks.

Next, I’ll take a smaller portion and use it to pad up my E-fund which I know is critical to surviving in the ruthlessness of today’s world.

Lastly, I’ll use $1000 to pay for textbooks. This is actually inconsequential and something I would be doing regardless of my newfound funds.

I figure by allocating 100% of this money immediately, I won’t be tempted to do anything remotely enjoyable with it like a poor would.

Thoughts?

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53
Posted by
Ubermunch
1 day ago

Gulfstream G450 Dashboard

Costs & Budget

Here is the cost of owning my Gulfstream G450. Here is the background on the jet & the data collection methods:

  1. I purchased a 2007 Gulfstream G450 on 10/20/2009 for $21,000,000 from Lehman Brothers with a downpayment of $5,000,000 at 420 hours.
  2. The fuel, loan, insurance data has been aggregated using my accountant and expenses like registration, repair have been tracked using whatever she uses.
  3. I have owned the jet for 9 years now and it has 12,800 hours. The data has been updated to 6/1/2018
  4. I did not get extended warranty on the vehicle.

Here is a brief introduction into the various categories:

  • Loan - lol you don't take a loan out on a depreciating asset.
  • Fuel Cost - The money spent filling up at the airport. This includes gas expenses, air freshners, filling air. Now, these expenses are hard to track and I used my accountant to pull the information. The money spent on fuel might have been spent on hookers & blow as well, and there is no way for me to know now. And so while the gas trip number may not be exact, but it is pretty close. I always use Jet fuel A-1.
  • Maintenance - All the money spent at a mechanic. Sigh. Includes brakes, water pump, window regulator fixing. Any money given to a mechanic/repair shop
  • Insurance - Money spent towards insuring the jet.
  • Hangar - All the costs related to hangaring the jet.
  • Crew - Costs towards my pilot and flight attendant.
  • Crew Training - Costs towards training my flight attendant. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  • Depreciation - This is hard to track. Online calculators say that it is 15% every year. I decided to leave this bit out because I don't want more of a hit to my net worth and self worth.

Lessons for people who want to buy a Gulfstream 450

  1. Find a trustworthy mechanic that will get cheaper non FAA approved parts to save money.
  2. The first few years are the most expensive in the life of the jet. I was shelling out close to $8m annually on the jet. This included monthly payments, fuel, repairs (everything!)
  3. I said this before - but be ready for expensive repairs of ~$1m every 8-10 months. My last expense was a starter replacement for ~$100,000. So keep an emergency fund for this jet!
  4. I love being flown around in my jet. It is such a pleasure flying a Gulfstream. I hate chartering a cheap jet every time I get a charter. The jet was such a treat to fly in the mountains of CO and Blue Ridge mountains in WV/VA/NC.
  5. The jet is cheap to own now (barring random turbulence).
  6. I am glad I can use my jet as a tax shelter now - but looking back, buying a Gulfstream was a great decision because I was 24 and I could afford it. Now, after marriage - I don't see myself buying an American jet. I want peace of mind and that's something that an American jet does not give you. When I look at my wife's Bombardier and her maintenance costs, I wonder -- is it worth it?
  7. I need to decide 0 When is the right time to sell the jet? Not having monthly payments would be awesome. There is something great about being debt free.
  8. I could never charter a Gulfstream and deal with paying a ton of money every year. The most expensive years were my first 3 years. New jets cost more.
  9. At least it's not as expensive as a BMW 328i.

I hope this helped folks planning to buy the Gulfstream 450. This kind of information is not available to poors and while every jet varies - it is good to see the complete picture. I'll try to address as many comments as I can.

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2

I hear that some vans need guarding, do I throw money at that or should I just stock up on lentils and bearded dragons? BTW my wife is hotter than yours.

I'm totally not just a complete retard when it comes to money, I just like to ask the internet for advice rather than seeking out advice from actual professionals.

Oh hold on, is crypto the way to go? I hear something about lambos, are those a good investment?

43

My company just went bankrupt and I lost my job today. I have a pregnant SAHM wife with one child going into kindergarten. We own our home outright, spend $800/m maintaining it with insurance/water/internet, but rent out a MIL unit for $650. We spend quite a bit of money for insurances. We have reliable vehicles and about $350k in savings. My wife is pregnant and I'm scared for our future, despite our savings and no debt. I'm going to start looking for another job and my wife is planning on going back to school to be a nurse. My wife subscribed to MealPrepSundays, we're enrolling in public school like typical poor people are forced to do, and I'm trying to plan out our finances to ensure we can maintain our frugal $10k/month lifestyle for more than the next 3 years while I job-hunt.

What should we do now? How do we make our savings work for us without risking them? We live in an area where real-estate costs 1m starting, so real estate investments are out of the question without having a job.

Edit: I'm 33 and my wife is 28 and very thin and beautiful with one of those cute little baby bumps.

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1

It could happen to you, your manager's hit it big and then you're rich 🤑

67

After some haggling I got them down to zero down. Payment is $0.25 per month. Not sure about the term of the loan - I think it‘s until 2022 or so.

That sounded like a pretty sweet deal (I really needed the avocado for my lunch at work and my credit is not that good). However, now I am getting second thoughts. Did they screw me over? Should I call the store and ask them to refinance?

I read about lemon laws but I am not sure if they apply to avocados, too. I plan to put some lemon onto the avocado later though (if that helps).

UPDATE: I just ate the avocado and my credit score dropped by 50 points. I opted out of the insurance package at the store. Is this bad?

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55

My father is 97 years old and currently works 6 jobs and overtime. He's telling me he wants to retire but I don't agree. How do I persuade my lazy father to keep working? I am married and living at home with him. I make 600k a year in STEM and my hot wife brings in 100k (I know, I married a poor don't judge.) WE have paid all our loans by living at home and had my father buy a condo for us that we rent out for supplemental income.

TL;DR: How can I convince my father to keep working so that he can continue to support me and my wife while we grow our Vanguards and bearded dragons?

127

For reference, I’m an 18 year old female about to start college. I knew my grandparents were setting aside some money for me but I had no idea how little. I mean jesus grandpa, only 45k? I have four times that amount in my IRA already. Fucking numbnuts. Plus I already have a full-ride to the elite State Frugal University of STEM.

So, uh. What the hell do I do with this check? Just deposit it in my regular personal savings (which is now just a little shy of 1,500,000 USD)? Or should I just tell everyone on Reddit about this check for the rest of my days?

TL;DR I’ve never had such a small amount of money in my life before and I don’t want to do something stupid. How can I best handle my piece of shit grandfather and his pathetic poverty gift?

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58
Posted by
ask me about my hot wife
4 days ago

I give my kids 10 bucks each week and make them use it to survive. They have a spending jar, for expenses (they are severely beaten if they ever put money in this jar, as spending your money is a sin).

There’s also a charity jar (to teach them about tax write offs), and a save jar, which I match each month to teach them about 401K’s, investing, and the dangers of leaving money ON THE TABLE. I also make them keep detailed records in a ledger, and every Friday I pretend to be the IRS & “audit” them.

And before you ask, no I couldn’t have just got them book to teach them. Only poors rely on book learning.

Need to use the bathroom? Pay up.

Want to eat out of MY fridge? Better be ready to learn the H A R S H R E A L I T I E S of life.

Air? Cough up some dough bitches.

Anyways what do you guys think? Should I nominate myself for parent of the year?

14

My pappy told me to never give an inch, and so when someone tells me that I need to move out of the neighborhood because it's all pours and I stick out like a sore thumb, I say, "I bought this $8,000,000.00 house with the money I found stuck to the bottom of my shoe, but now I'm told it's only worth $7,999,999.95 and I'll be GODDAMNED if I'm going to lose a nickel on this house even if the roof leaks and it's missing the fourth wall and is also literally on fire. I'll wait until we have fantastical future machines that can take you places faster than my horse and buggy before I take any loss on this house."

Obviously renting the house out is out of the question, because I store my van guards there and I don't want pours going through them with their gooey, sticky, peanutbuttery fingers. Besides, my credit score.

My friend said that I was crazy for living near the pours and I'd catch pour disease.

Please tell me that my friend is a moron. If you do, I'll give you $8,000,000, thanks.

48

I thought this community might find this interesting. Tracks my life over the last 7 years and how my expenses and salaries have changed over time.

https://imgur.com/a/wgYkAS6

I didn't include the life of my (hot) wife because she is too hot

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36
Posted by
Ubermunch
5 days ago

Being a millionaire is FAR easier than everyone thinks it is. It's mostly passive income, which is the greatest thing in the world.

A lot of this is specific to us, but I wish someone had told me about it when we were younger, so I thought I'd pass it along.

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90
Posted by
Unbowed, unbent, unaudited.
6 days ago

I received a phone call from the IRS claiming I owed them $1M in iTunes gift cards and if I hung up my hot wife and my accountant would both be kidnapped and held for ransom.

While staying on the line, I sped my Lamborghini to the nearest Apple store and purchased $7,425 in gift cards at which point they ran out of stock. The person at the counter was very unhelpful and kept saying I was involved in a scam, but I am not a scammer and I don't even know why this is happening to me!

At this rate, I will need to drive to another 135 Apple stores before I have enough gift cards.

I'm terrified. What should I do?

16

I just checked my credit score on six different sites and noticed on average it dropped by twelve points!!!!! How can this happen, I haven't done anything besides:

  • Apply for six car loans
  • Got two new credit cards
  • Ran over Equifax's CEO's cat with my car
  • Refinanced my mortgage
  • Paid off my student loans
  • Closed the credit card I have had since 1977
  • Stayed in a Holiday In Express last night

I can see how any of this would impact my credit score. though! What should I do? Think I can dispute this?

16
9
Posted by
I read the sidebar's sidebar
5 days ago

For context, I make 40K / Year and have 425K in debt. I read online articles talking about using the snowball method to get out of debt in less than three years. Can I begin now or do I have to wait for winter?

I have a credit score of 900. Will this affect it?

7

Hi r/povertyfinance I am suffering from great trauma, I came here because I thought that all of you poors who are on the verge of being homeless might understand.

I used to have to budget for everything I bought. But then I became rich. Now I can buy ANYTHING I want. Those lentils you desperately need? Yeah, I can just go buy them. Those lentils in gravy thar you can only dream of? Yep, I can buy that too. Fuck I can buy the MOST OVERPRICED LENTILS IN THE FANCIEST ORGANIC FOOD SHOP!

And, I can even do this while going on a fancy vacation to eat ever fancier lentils.

The problem though is that due to the trauma I suffered from only being able to buy frozen lentils instead of warm lentils is that when I get super happy that I don't have to eat frozen ones, people say "oh wow that's no big deal." But I just can't get over how happy I am to be eating food I bought in a supermarket instead of out of a dumpster.

I don't know. The trauma of having a tight budget seems to have effected me. I am thinking, maybe I have PTSD?

I am sure you hungry poors who can't buy food this month will understand my suffering. Thank you.

84

After working for 4 minutes I've saved up for retirement, and am almost done with mortgage. I couldn't have done it without 75 years of eating lentils only

23

My wife (very young and/or hot but as title says very dumb) were going over our lentil expenditures for the previous month and noticed we didn't pay our car insurance! Make sure you regularly analyze your budget to find out things that you should be paying!

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5

I own my own company and have a side hustle, my expenses are high because of the company, but on the other hand my income is probably higher than yours as well.

By my calculations (which I haven't done) I should be rolling in cash. What does everyone think? Should I make a budget or something?

5
16

Turns out cumslut #41 lives with her grandparents, mother, father, their five kids, and their three kids in the van (lovely view of the local river that I set on fire sometimes b/c boredom). I knocked on the door in the alley, the usual place and some "journalist" found out.

I tried to have him killed, but my usual judge that I use to approve the FBI drug raids was busy getting pegged from the Peruvian maid last Friday at 4, and the courthouse closed at 5, and the SWAT teams won't pick up after that.

What do I do?

P.S. - I usually don't send for the prostitutes myself, but the damn interns keep fucking each other. I dunno what about my crisp jackets, gelled Thor 3 hair, 16% body fat and 16 BMI and tea drinking keeps getting me these raging homos. I keep threatening their lives, but something about "bitch my landlord, grindr hookups and mother do that about 5 times a week, give me something to be really afraid of" tends to give their supple balls steel-like qualities.

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