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Google should congratulate you with fireworks or something if you're the first person ever to search for that specific term.

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291 points · 6 months ago

"Why am I a length?"

*boom *

"Cream cheese is cheese?"

*boom *

"Avocado pit huge why?"

*boom *

95 points · 6 months ago


*boom *

Lmao ain't that College Humor?

Don't speak in these weird haiku's

Why am I a length?

Avocado pit huge why?

Cream cheese is cheese? *boom *

Where’s haiku bot when you need em


“What are the new shapes?”

Canine dick Brie muffins with ky jelly

Avocado seed is big because it's from mammoths pooping it out. When they died out we thought it was a yummy fruit so we kept it alive. Pakistan and California are super important for avocadoes.

Not mammoths. Giant ground sloths. Mammoths usuall lived a little further north than Avocados did.

"Why Charlie hate?"

Because Dennis is an asshole man.

"Is Dilbert Jewish?"

Baby powder made outta babies?

People with shitty spelling would be lighting the place up


Surprisingly, 15% of searches are for something never searched before.

I wonder if it's mostly the old people writing complete sentences and asking questions as if they're directly talking to someone.

Why everytime I call my friend Susan I hear a weird noise during the middle of the conversation? It's something like a mix of a mosquito and a noisy fridge, thank you very much google

Probably programmers having a hard time with a 10 year old library and the last known person to discuss it has deleted the reddit post.

I'd say it's more likely that students copy answers out of textbooks into Google, hoping that somebody asked something similar. That's gotta get at least a couple of percents, right?

4 points · 6 months ago(6 children)

No, think about that once more

There's a first search for everything.

8 points · 6 months ago

But there are also second, third, fourth, 100,000th searches for common stuff, which are the other 85% of searches

Yes, correct. But not ALL searches are new.

Even if every search term had at one point never been searched before, this is looking at the ratio between first searches and re-searches.

If there had only been 2 searches on google ever, for the same thing, 1/2 of the searches would have been never-before-searched.

I'm old, was about to say Google hasn't even been around the 20 years... 1998 - 2018

At this point in my life, I've never wondered more why cucumbers were hamburgers.

This probably comes from someone accidentally copy and pasting an entire link with the HTTP header

I also wonder if it counts searches that are basically the same thing but phrased slightly differently:

how is babby formed

how to form babby

i want to form babby

how did babby form

are those 4 searches or one?

Those are 4 independent searches, yet will all lead to the same link(s), porn hub or yahoo answers

Imagine putting in "shwbwanisneuwneudnsineudnsusnshe", but someone else somehow already put that in


Your search - shwbwanisneuwneudnsineudnsusnshe - did not match any documents.


Try now.

Whoa. How did you get ahold of my search history?

Because the search bar is atually OPs mom. Everythings been in there.

Man with tiny penis gives fellatio to man with even smaller penis while man with practically nonexistent penis watches on.

Lol nah i look that up every week to see if my dream has made any progress yet.

That sounds like the translated title of a Japanese gay porn DVD.

If only my brother, if only.

Jesus Christ. Just went and watched all of that. Fucking unbelievable story.

Actually a Googlewhack is something that has only one result not zero!

Yeah, a googlewhack isn’t the answer to OP’s original post, but it’s 1° off and lets me link to Dave Gorman, who is a genuine ripper.


To pay respects

He died for collectively giving all our respect

I think your f key is stuck

It came up in conversation somehow at my wood shop that we should bottle saliva and sell it. I searched in google “human spit for sale”. I might have been the first one to search for that. Hopefully...

I'm pretty sure google has better things to do than praise all the kinky people out there...


10 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

I read once that two thirds of Google searches are unique (ie, nobody has ever typed that exact phrase before)... kinda makes you appreciate how good their search algorithm is.

They do... well, more like they steal your product ideas before you can get a patent... but hey, same thing right?

Sounds like a prank on the new intern: sit here and watch this live-stream of global google searches, write down any good ideas.

Maybe it does but we've been out of original thoughts for a long time.

'' pkhbllrşflgmsnmdllflfldlkskemm ''

  • boom *

1 point · 6 months ago


Cream Cheese Gargantuan Gorilla Albino Nugget Porn

I got it

Last thing I need is fireworks on tab #85 at 3am.

I actually sent this suggestion to a Google forum a few years back but obviously it was lost in the millions of mundane suggestions Google probably gets every day.

Fast forward a couple years and my best friend is dating a guy whose parents actually work pretty high up at Google (what a perfect opportunity!), I outline my suggestion to my friend's date and he nods as I rave like a lunatic.

Just gotta wait for his parents to bring it up at a board meeting now! /s

Me: Fjhvbuhchugbjuffdhjuyvhyrhuyghgfggv

Google: Wow good job!

Some Martin Shkreli type would just make a bot to search a bunch of shit like a dictionary hack to ruin for everyone

"How to dispose of dead body after death by inflation"

Oh look, there's a first for everything

How to tickle pickle juiced baking ideas.

Maybe they do.

How do you know they don't?

"Machine gun-wielding Orcs vs Demon Leprechauns"

What do you mean? They already do


The shortest search to not have a result is .,

Once upon a dilly good chicken 4loko?

It does.


People would be searching some weeeeird porn

Unhappy > Smashes keyboard> "HADSFYTADU78FI GOYVA DO78UIYGas7guoy8da 798d"

Fireworks > happy

Virgin Google

Designing the machinery to implement that would be a nice exercise.

It apparently happens quite a lot, all the time

Searches ufwefvuibqiqujwehkheiwuhowhefiUHeuhweoihehoi hwvIHBOeohvOWOIHVo

2 points · 6 months ago

They do, you're just utterly unoriginal.

Why is my poop banana?

💥 💥💥

"jfjenrjfjeh4&$4$;$:;$37:$:" Fireworks

2 points · 6 months ago

They do.

2 points · 6 months ago

fadfghgjkfjhdfgfds boom

Fun fact: There is a 1200 year old prophecy that confirms Eli from Love Live is destined to be my real life waifu.

I wondered like 5 years ago why they couldn't just show me what the traffic was like, and how I could get around it. Sigh...shouldn't we be driving in self driving solar powered flying cars by now?

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