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all 176 comments

[–]gmil3548 587 points588 points  (17 children)

If you're religious it is a very long interview

[–]Darren_L 723 points724 points  (9 children)

Unpaid internship

[–]eembach 69 points70 points  (2 children)

You're the reason I read comments

[–]amn3siack 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Seconded

[–]GFandango 19 points20 points  (4 children)

You get fucked a lot during an unpaid internship though

[–]lordlovesaworkingman -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

Isn’t the “unpaid” part referring to no sex?

[–]GFandango 3 points4 points  (1 child)

It is. I meant in an actual unpaid internship you get fucked so him comparing it to unpaid internship doesn't add up.

[–]lordlovesaworkingman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Pretty brilliant. Went right over my head.

[–]Kaleb0213 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not unpaid if your a guy.

[–]APUSHMeOffACliff 8 points9 points  (4 children)

Unless you’re Mormon

[–]oopsmyeye 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Still a long process. First date to wedding day was 4 months for my first wife. Absurdly short for marriage standards but a long damn time to wait for sex

[–]APUSHMeOffACliff 4 points5 points  (2 children)

first wife

You on your third yet?

[–]oopsmyeye 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Workin on it. Sadly the first and second weren't a polygamy type situation (/s)... Also, apparently not being able to have kids is an acceptable reason to ask for divorce in the Mormon cult

[–]APUSHMeOffACliff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Makes sense from an outside POV seeing as y’all crank out kids like no tomorrow

[–]5up3rK4m16uru 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not if it's a cool religion.

[–]xLadyLauriex 679 points680 points  (25 children)

That’s why a firm handshake is important.

[–]MNCPA 250 points251 points  (15 children)

Also, eye contact and name memorization.

[–]BerryBrickle 209 points210 points  (7 children)

"It was nice to meet you, Jane. I hope we'll get to meet again, Jane."

[–]mrbignaughtyboy 95 points96 points  (1 child)

Me Tarzan. Tarzan going to pretend you Jane tonight.

[–]RyanHoar 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This one got me. Well done Reddit

[–]doandroids 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake. I’m always thinking one step ahead.

[–]bri_like_the_chz 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Well hello there, Andy.

[–]K1NDOFAB1GDEAL 6 points7 points  (1 child)

How fucked am I if I read "memeorization"?

[–]Coral_Blue_Number_2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Pretty fucked :/

[–]VizualDaft 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"That sex was amazing, Mary! The best I ever had!"

"Mary is my sister, I'm John."

oh.

[–]DDXF 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sea cucumber! Sea cucumber!

[–]KingBrendan11 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Just remember, that hand has had a dick in it

[–]samzhawk 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Reddit has been really meta lately.

[–]dafuq453 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Helps to reach under and gently cup the elbow as well.

[–]RealStevenSeagal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Firm handshakes all around.

[–]athreetieredshitdyke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A firm shake on something else iss even more so

[–]ntc1995 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Heads up, chest out and appear confident. You know what you are doing.

[–]cybertoothlion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never shake a girls hand, I have small hands. I HATE it.

[–]ohverygood 290 points291 points  (15 children)

But they never check references

[–]EntheogenicOm 235 points236 points  (4 children)

At a certain level, trust me, they check references

[–]urmmatters 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Facebook/Instagram instead of LinkedIn.

[–]MoistPockets 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Should I hand out head shots of my dong on the first or second interview?

[–]vigr 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You send them along with your CV. This is how you get invited to interviews.

[–]parmesan_sean 4 points5 points  (0 children)

And at some point you have to lie about having less experience than you actually do. The number five is a lot easier to digest than the number 30.

[–]The_ONI_Spook 24 points25 points  (5 children)

Sometimes your references are your friends who put in a good word for you : ) !

[–]Kevo05s 13 points14 points  (4 children)

Most references are rumors... from people you both don't like... having common enemies is a good sign for me

[–]JamesCDiamond 3 points4 points  (1 child)

The enemy of my enemy is my friend with benefits?

[–]vercetian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There we go.

[–]barantana 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My frenemies frenemies are my frienemies.

[–]The_ONI_Spook 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ahaha that’s also true.

[–]overthinker226 1 point2 points  (1 child)

But background check and security clearance is a must

[–]life-of-TT 1 point2 points  (0 children)

STD check

[–]curious_bookworm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did! And got brownie points for it. But we aren't in a standard relationship...

[–]AtoxHurgy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can make up references

[–]nightman365 180 points181 points  (1 child)

I've always been bad at interviews so this explains everything...

[–]haribo_hkm 99 points100 points  (5 children)

A presexquisite if you will.

[–]batmanmedic 27 points28 points  (4 children)

golfclap

[–]Carterxix 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Pray that the date doesnt lead to any other kind of clap.

[–]SportsBallFan -1 points0 points  (1 child)

What about this kind of clap?

nsfw

[–]batmanmedic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not as risky a click as I expected.

[–]Captain_Crump 112 points113 points  (19 children)

Post sex interviews, for some

[–]NovThirteenth1787 20 points21 points  (18 children)

Came here to say that!

[–]cryptogek 19 points20 points  (17 children)

'came'

[–]mutual_headsup 25 points26 points  (16 children)

'here'

[–]HydraTower 19 points20 points  (15 children)

'to'

[–]batmanmedic 19 points20 points  (14 children)

‘say’

[–]abominationz777 19 points20 points  (13 children)

'that'

[–]eldelay 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Winner winner winner winner!

[–]Cipher_Zaabiz 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Let's have a chicken dinner together

[–]finalarrowhail 51 points52 points  (5 children)

Gotta make sure he's sponge worthy.

[–]NathanBrazil2 2 points3 points  (1 child)

i work with a 24 year old, he wouldnt know what that meant. He also had never heard of Paul Newman. " isnt that some kind of frozen pizza?"

[–]HandzomeII 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“The guy with all the salad dressings?”

[–]I-get-the-reference 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Seinfeld

[–]WubbaDucky 2 points3 points  (0 children)

indeed, you get the reference

[–]luntmeister 91 points92 points  (2 children)

Honestly if you think of relationships in general as a series of transactions where the payoff is sex then you'll also be one of those people who wonder why you never have any sort of meaningful relationship.

[–]ninjapanda112 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Can confirm.

I am alone every day.

[–]Plusran 17 points18 points  (0 children)

This guy isn’t married

[–]OpiatedDreams 75 points76 points  (1 child)

U don’t need to date someone to know if you are gonna fuck them. You date people to find someone you want to hang around after you fuck.

I’m a romantic like that.

[–]Deanocide 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You also follow rules 1 & 2 good sir or madam.

[–]Chronogos 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I thought dates were to make sure they aren't going to make your life miserable. If they aren't crazy and you get along, sex will be sprinkles on the ice cream rather than the ice cream itself!

[–]El_Chapos_Cousin 37 points38 points  (11 children)

If all you're interested in is sex. While I agree that may be the case for many people, ideally, dates should not even be a gauge on a person. Both people should focus on making it as good a date as possible rather than analyzing the others actions. You can tell you won't be good for eachother when your attempts at having fun and having a good date, and what that means to each of you, don't align.

[–]p3n1x 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This guy knows how to Orbit.

[–]pendulousphallus -2 points-1 points  (7 children)

I feel ya, but without the possibility of sex/romance to worry about ain't that just 'hanging out'?

[–]luntmeister 6 points7 points  (6 children)

No, but neither is it a transaction.

[–]pendulousphallus 7 points8 points  (5 children)

I'm sorry, I don't understand.

I think all I was trying to say is that the term 'date' implies some sexual/romantic tension where people are normally more on edge and critical of their own and their partner's mannerisms and potential compatibility. 'Hanging out' is just two people hanging out without any sexual tension.

Men and women or any two people with compatible sexual orientations can be friends and hang out without it being a date. Dates imply a little more pressure and scrutiny of character. I don't know where you think I was implying anything transactional with my comment.

[–]luntmeister 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I was saying that OP considers it a transaction. But I was also saying that sometimes you go on a date with someone to get to know them by just hanging out, with the possibility of there being more. By making a "date" different from "hanging out" you are immediately making the pressure higher, and making the whole thing a performance to be analysed.

The most successful dates are the ones where it really is just two people who like each other sexually / romantically hang out.

[–]pendulousphallus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see. I apologize for misunderstanding.

[–]ninjapanda112 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Huh. I find that tension around just about everyone I think is hot whether "hanging out" or not.

[–]pendulousphallus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Pandas are notorious for their virility.

[–]El_Chapos_Cousin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is what I meant. If your idea of a great date is a lot of tension while mine is getting to know eachother and being relaxed, then we likely aren't very compatible.

[–]BigNoisyChrisCooke -5 points-4 points  (1 child)

R/niceguys

[–]El_Chapos_Cousin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

0/10 literally no substance to this troll

[–]miggy420 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So many upvotes

[–]Longo92 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yup, and if you start working that day, its probably a bad sign.

[–]avisamar 4 points5 points  (1 child)

In my experience, the dates usually start happening after the sex.

[–]Unpaidbills87 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can confirm your statement, at least in this instance. I just ran into a girl I've only met once, had a one night stand, and then made plans to go on an actual date. Not always the case but it does happen.

[–]PM_me_your_McRibs 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Or pre-romance interviews.

[–]life-of-TT -1 points0 points  (0 children)

For women, at least

[–]ataraxia89 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, but mention that on a date and suddenly I'm the asshole

[–]isittooweird 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Nope, Dates are old saggy balls that has another hard ball in it. Tastes good and are considered healthy.

[–]ZoneeOw 13 points14 points  (5 children)

i mean thats pretty objectifying.

like if you're thinking about it that way then the person is just a sex object.

[–]Calculoo 14 points15 points  (2 children)

In general I agree, but sometimes you do go on a date with someone just to have sex with them and if it’s easy for both people to understand that I think it’s fine

[–]ZoneeOw 5 points6 points  (1 child)

yeah i guess that i don't have any problems with it in general when it comes down to two people setting out for that purpose. I personally wouldn't do it because it doesn't match up with my morals, but i dont really have a problem with other people doing it as long as both parties involved know what is implied.

[–]The_ONI_Spook 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’ve actually had this exact same convo with a very good friend of mine. I think it’s very safe to say that if two individuals go out on a date (whether they call it a date or not) they obviously find each other sexually attractive. It’s how all relationships start. For a veeeery long time I was confused and would also be ashamed of the feelings that I had about girls that I just absolutely loved and had a crush on. I wanted to sleep with em’... like badly Lol and what I learned over time is that it’s completely okay. These feelings are natural.

Being sexually attracted to someone is fine. Going out on a date with someone can be very fun. The important thing here is being honest and not lose personal integrity in the process. I’m all for people doing the things that they’re comfortable doing, but in todays world it’s actually extremely difficult to find someone who’s honest with themselves and who knows what they want. People fear commitment/relationships... due to their own personal reasons of course and it makes me sad. I can’t tell you how many times i’ve had run-ins with women where they say one thing when they’re drunk and the exact opposite when they’re sober. Or where they say “Oh well you know... i’m a free spirit and i’m not really lookin’ for anything serious right now.” The dating game - is so - weird. These people like to beat around the bush and not reveal themselves because then they feel vulnerable. But everyones vulnerable and everyone has their fair amount of baggage.

So, I admire your resolve and wish you the very best in finding that special person : ) !

Also i’m sorry for the long response. I enjoyed reading your comment because it reminded me very much of myself during my undergrad years.

[–]blamylife 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You're thinking about it as if it is a male interviewing a female. How many times do you dye that hair blue? Cmon.

[–]Bi0Sp4rk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What do you mean? Nothing about the first comment suggested gender either way.

[–]batmanmedic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I always take my grandfather’s advice and take 5 copies of my résumé.

[–]Heisenbread77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And a lot of times the interviewer expect you to start working immediately.

[–]mcintac 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And tinder is a temp agency

[–]Chrissylowlow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Interviews are pre sex dates

[–]moistmanjon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Incel

[–]MrBomber 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's it! I just don't interview well.

[–]BladeofFateX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great at interviews, but not this kind whatsoever

[–]taanews 0 points1 point  (0 children)

By strict chronology, wouldn’t every interview be a pre-sex interview unless you had had sex with the person?

[–]GrevilleApo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I prefer to show up hired already

[–]zartanator 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never get the job

[–]papasmurph 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dates are rejection training

[–]SHYMNEC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What if it’s celibate

[–]roneilarcilla 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with it lol

[–]torix87 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Insert joke from "The Office"

[–]Funkybattletoad 0 points1 point  (1 child)

"So... you here for a job?"

[–]Diehminer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you offering me a job?

[–]TotesMessenger 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

 If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads. (Info / Contact)

[–]Foxy-Moron404 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And sex is pre relationship interviews

[–]yohan_teh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My resume is all lies.

[–]guavacadus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would like to be able to side step an interview the same way you can with a date.

"Would you like to pay the bill?"

[–]SunflowerStarfish 0 points1 point  (1 child)

And you want a good resume :0 (clean of STDS, not too much emotional baggage)

[–]life-of-TT 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right. You want her to be clean, because forming a connection with a condom sucks.

[–]abaddon2025 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t forget to say sex a lot, so when she thinks of sex your face comes up

[–]PahoojyMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well that's a bit optimistic

[–]Mila999 0 points1 point  (1 child)

This Is Now My Tinder pickupline, but I did quote a wise redditor! (You)

[–]life-of-TT 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tinder is such a great app for men to get laid! It’s perfect, I love it

[–]dysentarygary513 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very good one sir

[–]Chuck_Pheltersnatch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Team interview always more difficult

[–]soulwolf1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The anxiety of not knowing if you got the job or not

[–]EpicSushiRoll 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No wonder I dont have a job

[–]nemo69_1999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interviews with alcohol.

[–]eXistential_dreads 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Where do you see yourself in 5 hours...?"

[–]Elisheva_Glovzov 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes you go on a date because you'd like some company.

[–]Tankninja1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And like job interviews they are mostly unproductive and usually results in one side never calling the other side again.

[–]TNumber0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s why I don’t have a job

[–]sir_deadlock 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reminds me of that movie Amazon Women on the Moon.

"Before we leave, do me one small favor, would you? Would you mind showing me your credit card and a valid driver's license?"

https://youtu.be/DSfnZMmOYws

[–]areola_cherry_cola 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And sex is pre marriage interviews

[–]Staggery_Johnson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's where I've been fucking up. I should have brought a resume along with a complete set of skills and references for those skills.

[–]LeninGamer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If your whole point in having a date and marriage is to have sex, you have a very sad life imo

[–]sammmywammmy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuck I had this thought years ago

[–]KruppeTheWise 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hhmm, now you've got me craving pre interview sex

[–]CMDR_Gungoose 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like to use sex as an icebreaker.

[–]ShockinglyEfficient[🍰] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You're the very first person to have conceptualized it like that!

[–]isthisusernametakenr -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

No shit.

[–]RipThememes -5 points-4 points  (5 children)

Relationships are sex and mating embellishments

[–]IanceIot 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Backwards