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[–]Captain_Cullen 6562 points6563 points  (226 children)

When it snows here and the yellow lines are covered people just pick random spots, then when it melts and the lines are visable again it looks like everyone parked badly.

[–]SeveralAngryBears 1885 points1886 points  (129 children)

I parked on the sidewalk once during a snowstorm when I lived in ND. I thought it was the end spot in my apartment's lot. It was not.

[–]washedrope5 1356 points1357 points  (118 children)

After you realized it, did you cringe or shrug? I think I'd probably have a 30 min convo with myself in the shower explaining the mistake.

[–]FuncyChiken 780 points781 points  (93 children)

oh, so i'm not alone. I thought these conversations meant i was slowly losing my mind.

[–]wseymour 413 points414 points  (51 children)

That's only true if it turns into an argument which you then lose. Winning it is ok.

[–]washedrope5 195 points196 points  (38 children)

I always win the arguement, but I also always lose it... I need to go shower to figure this out.

[–]Psyk0Tripp 63 points64 points  (37 children)

That's like having bad sex. It's both winning and losing

[–]RECOGNI7E 31 points32 points  (10 children)

Some sex could not be considered winning in any extent.

[–]Alarid 9 points10 points  (3 children)

Yeah, she could still wake up from the coma any day now!

[–]MuricaFuckYeah1776 28 points29 points  (7 children)

It's alright to talk to yourself

Is alright if you talk back

Hell, it's even alright to argue with yourself

But if you start losing the argument, you're fucked

[–]chennyalan 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Guess I'm fucked

[–]MuricaFuckYeah1776 8 points9 points  (1 child)

See no one dies a virgin, life fucks us all

[–]Khraxter 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Ah shit

[–]mynameisblanked 96 points97 points  (16 children)

Last night whilst trying to get to sleep I started imagining the conversation I was going to have in work this morning to explain why I was tired.

Me: I can't just fall asleep my brain starts thinking about stuff

Them : What kind of stuff?

Me: Great, now I have to think of stuff to tell them I was thinking about because it would be weird to say 'this conversation'.

This goes on for a while.

No one asked if i was tired, let alone why.

[–]systemhost 6 points7 points  (0 children)

But if they had asked, you would've been so ready... Remember the saying "Failure to prepare is preparing to fail."

[–]Its_Pine 26 points27 points  (7 children)

I think that talking to yourself is a lot like reorganizing a room. Sometimes to get everything in order, you need to take some furniture out, then bring it back in gradually.

As you say things out loud to yourself, you get to "experience" it in different senses and hear yourself say it. It allows you to sort of take it out of your head and bring it back in, organizing your thoughts.

So having a conversation with yourself isn't necessarily any kind of insanity. Just a form of processing.

[–]deepfriedawkward 5 points6 points  (6 children)

That is a super interesting outlook. Do you have any other life advice?

[–]Its_Pine 10 points11 points  (4 children)

Haha well off the top of my head, I think the most important "advice" is that when we relate to someone else-- whether romantically or professionally, for a moment or a lifetime-- we should want to be a better person because of that experience. So that if a relationship comes to an end, or a loved one dies, or friends grow apart, we are still better off for having had that relationship, and it is something we can look back on and appreciate.

[–]JoeyCuck23 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Holy shit. Same here hahah

[–]SeveralAngryBears 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Shrug mostly. I moved it the next day. I had actually just dug it out after getting stuck in deep snow on the street, so I was just glad to get it out of the road. Plus, nobody was using the sidewalk at that time of year anyway.

[–]Timmitei 6 points7 points  (1 child)

did you cringe or shrug?

Yes.

[–]notorious98 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm an "oh well" kinda guy.

[–]fibdoodler 276 points277 points  (12 children)

We had an office email that went out, it was along the lines of "Yes, we know that when it snows, it can be hard to see the lines. However, the parking lot has never had, nor will ever have, diagonal spots. Please stop parking diagonally whenever it snows."

[–]rehcsel 71 points72 points  (10 children)

Same except we had people park 3 deep! Like instead of two cars facing each other in each row, some prick just parked in front of a pairing and then 5 more followed suit! So these poor people were fully parked in and couldn't leave until someone else moved.

[–]ZakuIsAMansName 49 points50 points  (4 children)

i'd start having cars towed...

[–]WickedPrincess_xo 13 points14 points  (0 children)

lpt: when this happens set off all the car alarms blocking you in, then watch for what windows people are peeping out of with their key fobs to quickly find the offenders.

source: lived where a snow plow would come in late and block the main lane of the parking lot and everybody would think this meant the rules no longer applied.

[–]justinsayin 58 points59 points  (40 children)

I wonder how a self-driving car would handle the same situation.

[–]Muezza 79 points80 points  (9 children)

Hand over control to the pilot.

[–]polyethylene2 87 points88 points  (3 children)

“You’re on your own bucko”

[–]UncheckedException 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Warning: unable to resolve road markings, transferring control to Pilot.

“This is your pilot speaking. Uhhh... We’re on final approach to your work, uh.... parking lot, uh.... local weather is a chilly 23 degrees with, uh.... .... snow. Should be pulling up to a spot in about 12 seconds. I hope you’ve.....uh... enjoyed your drive.”

[–]Glasse 56 points57 points  (1 child)

They don't, which is why they don't show them driving in the snow.

I already have a hard enough time playing "whose lane is it anyway?" In the winter by myself sometimes.

[–]Mkorpal333 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Beep boop beep... Routing to Florida now, fuck snow.

[–]Oughusktaiunten 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Obviously not well, at least as far as parking lots are currently designed. I'd imagine it would be possible to tag parking spaces with something (e.g RFID) to help cars park correctly regardless of the conditions. At which point they would probably park better than human drivers, since they'd be able to "see" the spaces even when covered with snow.

[–]Xenepa 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Drive away since its likely billed by hour and you dont own it

[–]Awfy 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I once parked in the Cairngorms in Scotland on what I thought was a parking lot. There was only one lane of the road clear due to how heavy the snow was so I just kinda had to take a guess where I needed to turn off of the road to get into the parking for the cafe I wanted to stop at. When I came back outside the locals had finally started showing up and had parked about 100ft away from me in what was actually the parking lot. I had seemingly parked over the entrance to the parking lot without knowing.

[–]attilad 12 points13 points  (1 child)

"Sir, this is the lobby!"

[–]greenmountainboy 3167 points3168 points  (33 children)

It all started 20 years ago when one guy broke an axle and pulled into a spot sideways and everyone since then is just compensating. It's like a parking Butterfly Effect.

[–]Coppeh 1087 points1088 points  (15 children)

The Asshole Zero.

[–]Lazer_Pigeon 195 points196 points  (8 children)

If we could just find him maybe we could make a cure

[–]swaggaliciouskk 114 points115 points  (5 children)

It's too late, the pathogen has found a reservoir in Walmart parking lots across the country.

[–]major_lame 32 points33 points  (2 children)

Wal-marts are an exception. That is where you will find anything you're looking for. Inside and out of the store.

[–]VaATC 13 points14 points  (1 child)

And everything you are not looking for. NSFW....maybe

The shirt in the pic makes the tattoo even more hilarious and cringeworthy.

above taken at a local south central Va Wal-Mart

[–]Ohtar1 11 points12 points  (0 children)

The Primigenial Asshole

[–]Phazon2000 9 points10 points  (1 child)

0

Looks like a bumhole to me. Case closed.

[–]formlex7 4 points5 points  (0 children)

he's aristotles unmoved mover of assholes

[–]GenieHunter 5 points6 points  (0 children)

his assholiness

[–]ZakuIsAMansName 35 points36 points  (4 children)

but diagonal spots are more efficient... and I mean honestly they're just objectively better.

First off, angled parking spaces don’t require vehicles to make as sharp of a turn when parking. This makes it much easier for cars to move in and out of parking spaces, lessening the likelihood of a collision while simultaneously making it easier for drivers to stay within the lines of their parking space. Because cars are staggered when parking at an angle, it’s also less likely that a driver will get blocked in should the car next to them park too close.

https://www.universalsiteservices.com/best-angled-straight-parking-spaces/

they're easier for everyone, lessens the chances of an accident, and helps prevent you getting blocked in, not to mention its also mathematically proven to be a more efficient use of space.

Based on his analysis, the expert says designs should favour one-way traffic and a diagonal space layout rather than a grid to optimize efficiency. 'For a large car park, a 45 degree bay angle leads to an efficiency saving of 23%,’ the math professor writes

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3758899/Mathematician-solves-puzzle-perfect-parking-lot-says-leaving-car-angle-key.html

[–]ZombieAlpacaLips 10 points11 points  (1 child)

It's assholes all the way down.

[–]Onequestion0110 13 points14 points  (0 children)

For newer lots, it started six months ago when the lines were covered up by snow.

[–]sobriQue7 552 points553 points  (26 children)

I wish the guy who scratched "NICE PARKING" into my already beat-up car had considered this ;_;

[–]TacoDingo 112 points113 points  (4 children)

Are people even self aware?

[–]GetApplesauced 65 points66 points  (15 children)

I can't even imagine what a piece of shit loser you have to be to vandalize someone's car over a bad parking job, regardless of whether or not it's their fault.

Letting every stranger have that much control over your emotions is a sign of incredible weakness.

[–]sobriQue7 30 points31 points  (11 children)

It wasn’t even that bad of a parking job from what I could tell.

Maybe an error of about, I dunno, <4 degrees, parked on the line because the guy next to me was on it too.

It was done with a knife too, because it cut through the sealant, paint, substrate, AND body.

It’s still there on my car because it’s cost a shitload to fix. Remind me to upload a pic.

[–]Diagonalizer 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Up load a pic of the vandalism on your car.

[–]Suffix-099 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Upload a pic thanks pup

[–]tylerthepup 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Omg that is terrible!!! Is it in an obnoxious spot?

[–]sobriQue7 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Right above the rear right wheel, text is all caps occupying the area of about a dollar bill. You have to get close to see it but it’s still teeth grinding.

[–]TahaI 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is why I hate thr confession bear meme. Its turned into a "valdiate me being an asshole so I feel justified" meme instead. I usedto see reddit comments justifying keying cars etc cause the driver parked improperly which imo is just "i want to key a car and am looking for an excuse" which in turn is "im an asshole, i just dont want people to know" which in turn is "my mom shouldave swallowed or aborted me".

Cant stand people who are just waiting to hurt other people. Fuck those guys.

[–]Thashary 11 points12 points  (0 children)

The fact that they likely felt smug and superior for having done it too is laughable to me.

Parking like an asshole, so long as you are in a parking zone, is not illegal.

Vandalism of private property? Definitely illegal as fuck.

[–]fishythepete 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I was driving my wife’s new car. Parked next to someone not parked well at the train station - came back and it was keyed. She was thrilled.

[–]HauntedPrinter 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I wish a tree fell over their car, see how they like having their things damaged.

[–]FlockofGorillas 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He was to busy thing about all the karma he's ganna get by posting it on reddit.

[–]IntingPenguin[S] 575 points576 points  (45 children)

Imagine the only parking spot left is next to a guy that parked at 30 degrees tilted lol

[–]Blubbqw 188 points189 points  (14 children)

That’s when they scratch your car with the door while opening it and then flees the scene

[–]PygmyCrusher 43 points44 points  (12 children)

If you think that will happen take pictures of their plate and your car first.

[–]T_hrowawa_Y1738 42 points43 points  (6 children)

Yeah I'm sure the police will get right on that one

[–]PilotPen4lyfe 19 points20 points  (5 children)

Doesn't need to be police, but having their info means you can go after their insurance.

[–]MadDetective 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Still have to prove it. Pictures of a car prove nothing unless they're pictures of a car you personally witnessed or videoed damaging your vehicle.

[–]trebory6 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I still don’t do it out of respect of not continuing the trend.

[–]unjustluck 70 points71 points  (21 children)

If I don't have a passenger I'll park my car real close fuck it.

[–]thunderatwork 102 points103 points  (18 children)

That's how you get dented doors.

If they're already dented then now is the time to start doing this.

[–]PM-Me-Your-BeesKnees 38 points39 points  (3 children)

The joy in driving an old car with plenty of dents is that you can dole out this sort of vigilante parking justice with impunity.

[–]TheTeaSpoon 43 points44 points  (8 children)

Can confirm, someone tried breaking in to my car about 2 months ago and dented the door and scratched them real bad. Now I sometimes intentionally park next to assholes who stand just on the line and I put the car in so it compensates for the next parking spot. I never have passengers and the door will be replaced eventually when I find spare ones in factory colour on ebay.

[–]FappinPlatypus 1032 points1033 points  (244 children)

A lot of people aren’t assholes when they park their car 50 spaces from everyone else. The asshole is the one who parks next to you.

[–]Pocfoe 777 points778 points  (134 children)

My dad has a very long truck. Crew Cab, extended bed. One day he had to take it to the store and parked in the absolute furthest spot as he new he would take up 2 spots. He came back out to someone parked right next to him and a not saying he parks like an asshole.. there was 200 more spots and this guy picked that one spot... some people are just assholes for no reason. .

[–]Remerez 401 points402 points  (20 children)

That is the perfect example of a superiority complex.

[–]dan_legend 255 points256 points  (19 children)

Probably the same person that called the cops on a family for having a bbq in the park.

[–]Enisferium 178 points179 points  (86 children)

I do this regularly.

I drive a 4x4 crew cab diesel truck with 15.5" wide tires on it. When I park in a space, I have less than 1" on each side of the truck from outside of tire to inside of paint line in most spaces.

So I usually take up 2 spaces in the very back of the lot where it inconveniences literally nobody, in an empty lot.

And I still got my truck keyed once. Fucking people...

[–]cirillios 134 points135 points  (72 children)

Serious question though. Why would you want to drive a car so big it doesn't even fit into most parking spaces? What happens if you want to go somewhere that has a nearly full lot? It just seems so inconvenient.

[–]Enisferium 181 points182 points  (15 children)

Most of my driving isn't anywhere near metropolitan areas.

Wider tires give me a bigger footprint when pulling trailers on sand for less of a chance of getting stuck.

[–]volatile_chemicals 77 points78 points  (13 children)

Yeah, it’s not the people who pull trailers, work construction, or farmers who are the problem. It’s the suburbanite jackasses who buy land yachts and drive like assholes.

[–]SithLordDarthRevan 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Pavement queens.

[–]Incognito_Placebo 10 points11 points  (0 children)

And park like assholes, too. If you can't get your land yacht into the parking space by the third attempt, you really shouldn't be owning it.

[–]future_weasley 88 points89 points  (9 children)

Can't speak for Enisferium, but when I worked construction we had a crew cab, extended bed truck that we used every day. We would load the 4 or 5 of us into the truck with all our crap in the back and drive to the job site. It was great for the job, but I had to park it at a Fred Meyer once and the only spot I could find left the bed of the truck half way into the lane of traffic.

Simply put, such vehicles aren't really designed for regular driving, but they make hauling stuff and people really easy.

[–]Enisferium 45 points46 points  (8 children)

My diesel truck is great for pulling trailers.

I'm running 38x15.5" tires because wide tires float on sand way better and a good portion of what I pull my trailers through is practically sugar sand.

[–]CGB_Zach 50 points51 points  (7 children)

I fucking hate sugar sand. I used to live in Florida so it was everywhere. I got stuck in some after a hurricane and a truck has to come pull me out but he got stuck too and then another truck came to help us and got stuck too. We ended up all being towed out by a fucking tank someone just had.

It was pretty crazy and hilarious after the fact but goddamn was it frustrating.

[–]Enisferium 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah man.

I haul 5,000lb-9,000lb trailers through it lol. If I air down to about 30psi my 15.5" wide tires just float right over it. 4x4 Also being absolutely necessary lol.

[–]FauxmingAtTheMouth 15 points16 points  (5 children)

fucking tank someone just had.

WTF

Florida

Oh, makes sense now

[–]CGB_Zach 12 points13 points  (4 children)

They come out in droves when hurricanes hit since they are one of the only vehicles that can easily traverse the wet sand and water. You'll usually see them around the sticks helping stuck vehicles and stuff like that.

[–]YinofYang 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow, I never knew this but it makes sense. Interesting!

[–]ABEW19043 36 points37 points  (10 children)

Can't speak for his case because some people just do get ridiculously big trucks for 0 reason, but a lot of people do legitimately have them for work reasons.

Have a farmer uncle, drove around a giant old truck for decades. Nobody bothered it since it looked like shit- they knew it was a work truck. He bought a nice new one as a sort of gift to himself (that was still used for work, he just kept it cleaner) and suddenly everybody started treating him like an assholes

[–]Gregus1032 39 points40 points  (6 children)

Some people buy trucks that big because they do a lot of hauling of big things. Need space and power.

Some just have a small penis. I'm gonna assume the guy you replied to doesn't have that issue since he actually goes out of his way to make sure he doesn't inconvience people.

[–]DoverBoys 41 points42 points  (1 child)

The work crowd does what the above comment states, parks it out of the way. The small penis crowd parks halfway into the handicap hash lines in the front spot.

[–]DaisyHotCakes 13 points14 points  (0 children)

This shit enrages me. Those lines are there for a fucking reason.

[–]Enisferium 13 points14 points  (3 children)

I haul trailers on extremely sandy terrain usually outside of highway use.

15.5" Wide tires float on sand significantly better than factory width A/t or M/t tires.

[–]Bleejis_Krilbin 18 points19 points  (12 children)

A lot of people drive huge ass trucks like that so they can tow huge ass trailers.

[–]TheMisterFlux 8 points9 points  (2 children)

The utility of having a truck makes it worth it. I've got a set of ratchet straps, tarps, tools, booster cables, a first aid kit, matches, paracord, boots, gloves, a jacket, and more all stored under my seat. I can fit five people in the cab comfortably plus everybody's gear in the back which makes it perfect for camping/hiking/long road trips.

It's a bitch to find a spot you can parallel park in downtown, but it's otherwise incredibly useful.

[–]Drak_is_Right 28 points29 points  (1 child)

if the parking lot is mostly empty....far out spots are basically large truck and trailer parking and while lanes should be clear, spot lines don't really matter. You much rather the semi parked and took up 12 spots than blocked an aisle in a vane attempt to take "one".

[–]Kangaroo_Tactics 16 points17 points  (1 child)

I kinda feel like an asshole for it because I know it really bothers some people, but I live in texas where the sun is stupid hot on a lot of days and there's a ton of lifted trucks that people park way out in the lot.

If I'm alone and the truck is providing shade to the spot next to it, I'll normally park there.

I do it because of both the shade and I think its sort of harmlessly funny.

Normally people just look at you like "wtf?" and I just compliment their truck or give them an awkward smile.

[–]elephant_on_parade 8 points9 points  (0 children)

DUDE I just wrote a paragraph about this happening to me. People are idiots.

[–]0megaruby 13 points14 points  (2 children)

I can answer this one. They wanted to park closer to you because it feels safer than having a car parked by itself.

[–]Shloppins 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Always leave a spot! It's the unwritten code!

[–]AlFuriousCXII 3 points4 points  (1 child)

What if that guy thought “hey this guy takes care of his truck, if I park next him I’ll at least know that this side of my vehicle is safe. And in turn, since I like my vehicle, I won’t hit his truck!”

[–]DeSmokeMonster 14 points15 points  (16 children)

i think people park next to each other in nearly empty lots because of the safety in numbers idea. but idk.

[–]fifth_branch 9 points10 points  (4 children)

I parked next to the last car in an empty lot once because that's where the shade was. Took the dog for a walk, and when I got back the man in the car next to me was getting a blow job from a hooker. It was uncomfortable all around.

[–]DeSmokeMonster 3 points4 points  (2 children)

shade will always affect where i park. how can you be so sure it wasn’t just his side piece?

[–]fifth_branch 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I can't really, but he was very old, and she was wearing the correct uniform for her assumed profession.

[–]highrouleur 31 points32 points  (2 children)

I'll sometimes park next to another car just because it's easier to align my parking manoeuvre using another vehicle than trying to crane my neck to view the lines on the floor

[–]DeSmokeMonster 12 points13 points  (0 children)

especially if the parking space is slanted at all. i’m into the pack mentality, can’t get me if my little coupe is between these two Tahoes!!

[–]elephant_on_parade 31 points32 points  (6 children)

Tell this to the chick who left a note on my car while I was at work.

I parked in the back of the parking lot (big truck, small spaces, I can’t get it my vehicle if someone’s next to me there) and I came out to a note on my windshield about my parking job. It’s a fitness facility and it was a Sunday, so we were dead all day. That means she had to have gone out of her way to park next to me and write a note, because I was the first person there and the last person to leave. I genuinely want to know what was going through her head.

[–]nightwing2024 32 points33 points  (1 child)

"I bet if I park here and then write this note, I can take a picture, post it on Facebook, and all my friends will comment about how awesome I am for doing it!"

[–]Teknicsrx7 10 points11 points  (2 children)

“ I genuinely want to know what was going through her head. “

Well, she left a note

[–]elephant_on_parade 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Yeah, but I don’t think a note truly got across the massive justice/ self righteousness boner that she had.

[–]Gullex 57 points58 points  (68 children)

Honestly I don't give a shit if someone wants to take up 4 spots with their fancy SUV, when they do it in the far end of the lot where nobody else is. But when you do that and take up prime real estate, fuck you.

It is often difficult to resist the urge to key those vehicles.

[–]eturnallurker 142 points143 points  (63 children)

if you key any vehicle for any reason you are a much bigger piece of shit then someone who parked like an asshole

[–]MeEvilBob 7 points8 points  (0 children)

And if it happens near a surveillance camera, you are now more fucked than if you just rammed their car with yours because this shows malicious intent. You can't accidentally key the hell out of someone's car.

[–]Gullex 50 points51 points  (0 children)

I don't DO it, but I think about it.

[–]Gullex 37 points38 points  (45 children)

There was one time where I saw a woman park like that, she got out and I asked why she had to park like an idiot. She just said "It's not your concern."

I said "Ok, go ahead and go into the store, I'll stand here and make sure nobody fucks with your car."

She moved it.

[–]AdmiralVernon 29 points30 points  (25 children)

there was this one time I implicitly threatened to damage a woman’s car for parking like an idiot

[–]Gullex 23 points24 points  (22 children)

Yep!

There was another time a guy left his cart next to his car after loading it, and got in to leave. I blocked him in and made him wait while I put it back.

[–]AdmiralVernon 7 points8 points  (2 children)

lol i like that one. The only thing worse than jackass parkers are the people who don't put away their carts.

[–]Akclpvp 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I just want to feel included ( ཀ ʖ̯ ཀ)

[–]H20fearsme 397 points398 points  (48 children)

I just park far away. And I have a ginormous piece of shit truck. Ginormous being used in it's value. So it's not about protecting myself or others at all. Plus my wife and I like the walk into stores, it gives us the chance to hold hands and be sweet to one another prior to the store chaos

[–]psychcaptain 218 points219 points  (16 children)

This guy walks with his wife!

[–]HookersForDahl2017 137 points138 points  (11 children)

What a loser

[–]ShardsOfReality 86 points87 points  (10 children)

I bet he even pushes the cart while she picks out fruit that he knows he will never eat.

[–]thunderatwork 29 points30 points  (8 children)

Depends on the type of couple. When we go to a store together, we divide and conquer.

[–]ShardsOfReality 22 points23 points  (4 children)

We usually stroll through and talk and go through the list together. Unless its a rush job, the divide and conquer all the way:)

[–]zakkyzebraLol 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I bet he carries her purse!

[–]throwawayPzaFm 16 points17 points  (0 children)

It's cause his wife needs walking twice a day.

[–]YzenDanek 68 points69 points  (18 children)

I'll never get the urge to try to get a "good" parking spot. When I ride with other people it always feels like we spend longer looking for a good spot than it would have taken us to walk from the first spot we saw pulling into the far edge of the parking lot.

And then they come out and they can't tell where the fuck their car is because it's buried with the others.

I park way the fuck out in Siberia and I can see my truck clear as day, because it's sitting out there alone.

[–]Skardee 27 points28 points  (1 child)

I've always been this way. It's literally metres of difference for the walk and I can't be bothered to waste the extra time or gas looking for a better spot.

I know in some places though (Arizona) that finding a shady spot is worth the extra time.

[–]GlobalVV 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I like parking far because I'm too lazy to search for a spot near by.

[–]Kangaroo_Tactics 29 points30 points  (6 children)

I try to park closer because my kids are 3&5.

Parking lots give me anxiety, doubly so when I'm out at the far end of the lot and people drive like its a highway. Cutting across empty parking rows and gunning it to make the next row.

My kids are still too short to be in someone's field of view, so it requires I either carry them or force everyone to hold hands and stay VERY close together.

So, not like hold my hands and we'll skip into the store, but like hold my hands and walk with your side attached to my leg.

I worked as a paramedic and people don't realize that if your kid is going to get run over, its probably going to happen in a parking lot.

And its not enough to just be close to your kids or to be holding their hand. You need to be vigilant and in a position to move your kids out of the way very quickly.

Think about how many times in your life someone has almost backed into you, almost run over your foot, or you've had to yell at someone to stop in a parking lot. Now imagine they can't see you (even if they weren't too fucking stupid to try).

That's the danger your kids face in the parking lot.

Alone, with the wife, or with 1 kid on the shoulders? I'm totally cool with the walk.

[–]vodkaine 204 points205 points  (4 children)

Haha you are married and probably are really happy !! Ha..ha

[–]bucsboy246 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Guessing you arent from Florida with the 200 degree weather. Front spots are a must here

[–]CBcube 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I see be a truck and live in Florida. My hierarchy of parking spots goes shade>enough room to easily park>close to the entrance

[–]Zulanjo 165 points166 points  (14 children)

Reminds me of this bit from Curb Your Enthusiasm about exactly that.

Edit: A better bit from an earlier season

[–]Conradfr 27 points28 points  (2 children)

In fact he two bits are from the same episode.

[–]Zulanjo 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Are they? I haven't seen the show in a long time, i had thought the first one i posted was from the most recent season

[–]Conradfr 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yes it's s08e05 "Vow of silence" which is one of the best IMHO. In addition to the "pig parker" arc there is also the famous "chat and cut" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vd7XO18qxJg the piiiinnnnkberry incident https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrAU56HAt18 and more.

I may have a Curb obsession, help!

[–]the_CA_speedball 12 points13 points  (8 children)

What has always pissed me off about that is that Larry just used one guys bad parking as an excuse to be an asshole parker himself. The solution is not to follow suit, but to park normally instead of taking two spots. This way when OG asshole leaves things return to normal instead of an infinite asshole parking loop. Plus you dont come off as an asshole which should be everyone's main focus in life.

[–]Jahaadu 44 points45 points  (2 children)

My apartment I live in has a lot of street parking. There’s been times people have parked almost perpendicular to the road. Those are the true assholes.

[–]CasherInCO74 204 points205 points  (24 children)

This. All of this. I had this happen to me a few days ago.

Parked between two cars crowding the only spot left in my parking garage. When I came back out I had one of those lovely passive-aggressive noted left on the windshield of my Jeep. I was even still between the lines!

Frickin' Boulder trust fund hipsters.

[–]HaveYouMetBarney 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Dude, I hate parking in Boulder. I usually park down at 9th and Arapahoe and just walk a few miles to get where I need to be. Lately I've been just taking the bus more than driving and parking.

[–]squintsinator 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Can relate, in college parked in a lot next to some badly parked cars. Came back later in the day to find a lovely note after the other cars moved telling me how awesome I am. Good times.

[–]Protek_Ur_Neck 54 points55 points  (15 children)

I hate bad parking as much as anybody but really how Petty and self-righteous do you really have to be to leave a note. Like they damn know it's not going to do any good but they still do it just to fluff up their own egos.

[–]ascetic_lynx 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Probably posted about it on Instagram too

[–]carnyvoyeur 33 points34 points  (1 child)

I know, right? Just zip-tie a shopping cart to their door handle and be done with it.

[–]zipongj 33 points34 points  (8 children)

I left a note once. I was trying to park in a parking garage I park in for work everyday downtown. It’s pretty much always at capacity, but there is almost always one open spot that I can take.

One day I’m driving through the garage and every spot is taken. I get to the 4th level and I see a brand new huge Suburban taking up two spaces. I’m not saying like they’re in two spaces, I’m saying they’re are parked in the middle of the two spaces line with about 3 feet on both sides. At first I thought “they could be handicapped and need the space to get a wheelchair out, but there are handicap spaces on the bottom floor that are never taken. And this is the third floor, how would they get down if they were handicapped?” I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt so I got out of my car and looked in there’s. It was brand new, and there was no sign of it being a vehicle owned by a handicapped person. There were zero other spots, I had no other choice.

My car is very small. So I snuck my car in between their car and the parking garage pillar. I’m talking maybe an inch of space on each side. I had to climb out my sunroof to get out.

I saw a guy on a motorcycle looking for parking and pointed to the other side, he parked there as close as possible. I left a note that said “had to park here, no other choice. If you have a legitimate reason you needed to take up two spaces in a full lot, call me (number) and I’ll come move my car. Otherwise, I’m off at 5 and you can wait, and next time try to not park like an entitled prick.”

They didn’t have a legitimate reason to take two spaces.

[–]dzemperzapedra 51 points52 points  (10 children)

There should be some way to indicate that, after you park next to an asshole.

[–]Baxter_Todd 120 points121 points  (5 children)

No, we all need to judge our fellow man favorably, giving them the benefit of the doubt.

[–]Sauceman87 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I need to do this better. Despite my best efforts I still fall more inline with:

“We judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions.”

I’ve been super critical of something and found myself doing it, which prompts the thought process “yeah but I...” and then I realize that I judged someone else for something based entirely on what I observed, and yet when it comes to judging myself, I start trying to justify the “why” as if it makes a difference.

We just need to assume the “why” for other people is justified. Having worked in the customer service industry for so long, I’ve just grown to accept that a lot of people are selfish and stupid so it’s hard to give people the benefit of the doubt.

[–]laney2181 19 points20 points  (3 children)

Nah. No point. Then the real assholes would just leave a fake indication that it wasn’t their fault, then we would just be back at square one.

[–]Klayhamn 11 points12 points  (0 children)

damn you, methodical assholes!

[–]Dramatic_Sans 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Unless it's something that takes more than 30 seconds to do. That way, the easier/quicker thing to do will just be to park your car in between the lines in the first damn place.

[–]jlynn5415 14 points15 points  (1 child)

I got yelled at the other day on my motorcycle for being in the buffer zone between a handicap spot (the buffer being for the wheelchair loading vehicles) and a regular spot. Some lady walking out of the store started complaining about people just parking wherever they want and that if she saw me do it again she'd knock my bike over. I had literally just rolled my bike out of the regular space to make room for a someone with a handicap tag waiting on me to finish putting on my gear / smoking / drinking my monster / loitering since there were no more handicap spots available. The old lady in the handicap car got out and told her to stop pestering considerate young men and find something better to do.

[–]wolflordval 14 points15 points  (2 children)

It's assholes all the way down!

[–]2DEUCE2 21 points22 points  (4 children)

I live in a very densely populated area in SoCal where pretty much every parking spot is for compact cars. I have a very large truck that I actually need for work and towing capabilities and it’s also a crew cab so I can fit the whole family for those times I actually need to.

I would say 2 out of 5 times I actually have to give up on finding any spot at our preferred grocery store and either drive to a different one and give that ones lot a try or drastically reduce my shopping list to that days essentials only, drive home, grab a backpack and return with my motorcycle.

I don’t get pissed about it... in the end, I’m the guy with the vehicle that is oversized compared to the normal in my area. Just have to learn to deal.

I also travel a lot for work and when I end up in the mid-west, I am always shocked how large the parking spots are out there. I could park my truck nose in without making any adjustments and open the doors all the way with a truck on either side of me. At home I am lucky to squeeze in backwards only and even then it’s still at least a three point turn.

[–]OHTHNAP 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Costco for the win. Parking spots built for oversized vehicles AND oversized people!

[–]ashre9 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I wish other So Cal drivers were like you. In a strip of 12 compact car spots at my local Sprouts, there are always at least 4 full size SUVs fucking up the entire row. Each one ends up taking 3 spots because they overlap on both sides.

[–]District_95 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Phantom asshole parking

[–]QuantumDrej 20 points21 points  (1 child)

The parking area in front of my apartment building forces at least one person to become an asshole every other day or so.

Some of the lines are very faint and need repainting, but there's one in particular that must have been left over from years ago when they repainted the area. It's a white line that looks just like the others, and it's painted in a way that's not quite in the middle of the rest of the parking lines, but not quite away from them, either. It's also for some reason more "filled in" than the others and therefore easier to see.

So usually, if someone who lives there comes home after it gets dark, they make the mistake of aligning their car with the Shitty Parking Strip instead of the others. It makes you take up two parking spaces, technically.

[–]verymary97 7 points8 points  (1 child)

From today on, I will try not to park next to cars parked by assholes

[–]NilesLaw 5 points6 points  (3 children)

theres a curb your enthusiasm episode about this

[–]njodhani 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is so true. When I am about to park next to an asshole who hasn't parked properly, I always think that when they leave, people are gonna think that I am an asshole. But when there aren't many spots left, you have no choice.

[–]TheU89 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Don't park next to the person who parked like an asshole because when the original asshole leaves, you become the asshole.

[–]horror_unfolds 24 points25 points  (10 children)

Nine times out of ten when I see someone parked like an asshole it's an elderly person with Terminator sunglasses who can barely see over the steering wheel, then I feel terrible for being a judgmental prick. That's gotta be hard, holding onto the last little bit of your independence. Time fucks us all.

Edit: Just to be clear, if an elderly person no longer has the capacity to safely operate a motor vehicle, obviously they shouldn't be driving and their license should be revoked. I live in Florida and see this shit all the time. Still, that doesn't diminish the fact that it sucks. Taking my grandmother's keys for the last time, while being the right thing to do, was incredibly depressing.

[–]lespaulstrat2 32 points33 points  (3 children)

Funny, 9 out of 10 times I see it, it is someone in their 30s driving an SUV or a large pick-up truck.

[–]Mr_LumuLumu 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Girl in her boyfriends pickup, middle aged man in a beamer who is in a hurry

[–]Remunerateinumera 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Anyone in an Audi at any time.

[–]Chewy12 19 points20 points  (1 child)

It must suck a lot but they really shouldn't be driving if they're so old that their coordination and/or eyesight is decayed enough that they can't park right anymore. They could kill somebody. Judge away.

[–]CCCmonster 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hopefully self driving cars gets completed before I'm that old

[–]-unchained_melody 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It always gives me a jolt of the scare when I look into the rear view mirror and see only knuckles and eyebrows driving the car behind me.

[–]Idontstandout 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I usually give the benefit of the doubt to cars when I see this until I see the one dude that diagonalized his lawn-mower noisey Honda across two spaces.

[–]i3uu 12 points13 points  (3 children)

I purposely park like an asshole in my apartment parking lot. I get 2 spots and 1 visitor spot. My neighbor loves to have his friend park in our visitor spot while his is completely empty. I now park in 2 spots just to thwart that.

[–]Shuk247 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I did the same thing, except we just had 2 assigned spots for anyone. One neighbor kept using my spot, plus both his (he had 2 cars for some reason, and gf's car).

I started parking cockeyed in both my spots. He called management on me. Management said I couldn't park like that anymore and also told neighbor not to park there. Neighbor started taking it over again, anyway. So I started parking cockeyed again. Enter management again... and again.

This went on for a while until I started dating someone, and we were able to take up both spots with our cars. But get this, the dipshit called management on us saying we are taking his spot. Not sure if he couldn't count, or seriously thought he was entitled to 3 vs my 1... but no amount of explaining persuaded him from the belief that he had 3 spots until management intervened again .

Management told him he had just 2 spots. So the guy started parking in our other neighbor's Handicapped spot... turns out our other neighbor was the Courtesy Officer's mother. (Courtesy officers are cops that live at apt complex at a discount in exchange for some courtesy coppery).

Dipshit started accruing parking tickets, almost every day I saw the courtesy officer out there writing one... and then dipshit would later just throw them in his backseat.

One day he up and moved out. Gf said he broke up with her during some argument, he was apparently not even on the lease.... just living at her place. Fucking hated that guy.

[–]Gaoler86 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To be honest, if they are your spots, you are not an asshole. If you put your feet up on your own couch, are you an asshole?

[–]Mazeltiger 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Too true. I got a parking ticket a while back for not parking fully within the lines because the two cars on either side were also not in the lines not really leaving me any choice.

Came back to the car later to find a ticket on the dash and two empty spots on either side.

[–]digital_dig 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I was in a situation like this once in Canada. I didn't relalize someone had parked in between spots, so I assumed the lines were faded when I parked next to him. When I was leaving the parking lot, that first car was gone and there was another car parked next to me on the other side.

Then I noticed the owner of that car waiting for me and he began to ask (in a condescending tone) if there are any parking lots in the U.S. (my car had US plates). Once I understood what he meant, I tried to explain but he kept accusing me of not knowing how to drive, then insisted he was being "polite" when I asked him to stop being rude. I got into my car and drove away while he continued to let me know that he's a very polite person.

[–]CltCommander 5 points6 points  (2 children)

unless he's driving a mustang.. then you know he's the asshole