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120 points · 1 year ago · edited 1 year ago

The harvester moon drains white light in rays,

shimmering over the sleepy city, pure and untainted.

It glistens over the mechanical birds, flying silently

under the gentle eye, soaring through the sky.

As clouds gather, frantic to hide innocent people,

bombs fall down like teardrops in the night.

Minus 4...

White harvester moon, light

shimmering. The sleepy city,

glistens. The mechanical birds,

soaring through the sky,

gather frantic innocent people.

Bombs fall like teardrops.

Minus 2...

White light.

Shimmering city.

The birds,

the sky,

gather people

like teardrops.

This was interesting! Edits due to formatting :)

Original Poster12 points · 1 year ago

That was really well written! I like the slow tonal change, but keeping the same narrative. Nice!

3 points · 1 year ago

Really loved this! Done so well.

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