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ArchivedStickied postModerator of r/Anger

This subreddit is for discussion of issues relating to anger management....

If you're angry about something or something really bugs you and you want to rant about it, please don't post it here. Your post will be removed. There are other subreddits that may be more appropriate for your post, including /r/rant, /r/angry, and /r/offmychest.

If you're uncertain about whether your post is concerned with anger management, then it probably isn't. If you're still not sure, feel free to message the mods and ask us before submitting.

Thanks for reading, and thanks to all of you who have helped make this a thriving venue for discussion of anger and anger management.

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Stickied post

Some practical advice for dealing with an anger problem from someone with experience

Over the past 15 years I've largely managed to fix my anger problem. It's been a long and painful journey learning about anger management and working out what treatment methods worked for me. A recent breakup caused by my anger prompted me to 'complete' my treatment and I'm now happy with my current anger levels and so from this point on I just need to use the techniques I've learnt to maintain these levels.

I'm now at the point where I can advise others how to approach tackling an anger issue. This is the advice I wish I'd recieved 15 years ago:

See a doctor

As much experience as I have, I’m not a medical professional of any description and it’s impossible to give advice that will work for most people, let alone all people. A doctor can determine if another medical condition is causing your anger. My doctor has been helpful although they've only given me one 'treatment' at time. I've had to go back to them a number of times over the years.

I put anger management techniques and treatments into 6 categories:

1. Coping Mechanisms

Start an anger diary

Start recording your angry episodes; this includes times where you felt irritated but didn't react as you can still collect useful information from these minor episodes.

Record:

  • what triggered you
  • where you were
  • who was involved
  • what happened
  • what thoughts you had.

Eventually a pattern will emerge. This will be of upmost importance if you use CBT or if you see a therapist. This will also put your anger into perspective. It easy to think that "You're angry all the time" and this can feel overwhelming. Unless you're the Hulk you're probably not as angry as often as you feel. Useful website.

Learn your cues so you can recognise anger early

From an anger diary you can start to learn what your cues are. These are warning you that you are becoming angry. The earlier you recognise this the easier it will be to deal with the situation. There are four categories of cues: physical, emotional, behavioural and cognitive. Useful website

Plan your reactions

You should plan how you are going to react when you’re triggered in the future. The calmer version of you will make much smarter decisions than the angry you. Part of this plan should involve delaying your reaction, if only by a few seconds. This will significantly reduce the intensity of your reactions. There are a number of ways to delay your reactions: the best are counting to 10 and mentally telling yourself to "STOP" or "RELAX".

Useful pdf: cedar.exeter.ac.uk/media/universityofexeter/schoolofpsychology/cedar/documents/Problem_Solving_Recovery_website.pdf

Support

Where appropriate, seek support from friends, family, employers, and coworkers. Tell them that you're trying to deal with your anger. Be careful here however; not everyone will react positively.

It is also useful to have a wise person you can talk to about any stressful situations you're facing. They may be able to provide a second opinon on whether someone's behaviour or your expectations of others are reasonable.

2. Relaxation

Mindfulness Meditation

If you do nothing else then learn to meditate. Meditation is life changing. The benefits extend far beyond the treatment of anger. Although it is listed as a relaxation technique it also helps your ability to recognise when you're getting angry and it helps change your thinking about other people in a positive way. Mindfulness meditation teaches you to see thoughts and emotions as 'mental events' and not absolute truths about life i.e. "you don't have to believe everything you think". Learning this is incredibly liberating because you realise that your negative emotions are not your masters. You can notice them. You can be curious about them and then let them pass like a boat calmly allowing a large wave to harmlessly pass underneath it. Being curious and adopting an 'approaching' mindset towards negative emotions diffuses a lot of the power they have. This is like a child looking under the bed for monsters to find there's nothing there.

I would recommend: Mindfulness: A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world by Williams and Penman

Learn to properly relax

Learn another relaxation technique like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. Relaxation is the mortal enemy of anger.

Useful booklet for deep breathing

Useful website for progressive muscle relaxation

Other ways to relax

3. Changing your thinking

CBT

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is how you change the unhelpful thoughts that underpin your anger. Buy a book on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy; learn how it works and start using it in parallel with your anger diary.

I recommend Overcoming Anger and Irritability: A Self hep guide using Cognitive behavioural techniques by William Davies. This is an excellent book which explains how to use CBT. The book is split into two parts. The first part explains what makes people angry, describes the anger process and talks about why some people get angry at things that don’t bother others. In the second part Davies provides good practical advice for tackling the unhelpful and damaging thinking that causes anger.

A also recommend Cognitive Bahavioural Therapy for dummies. This explains CBT less well than William Davies book but it is better at explaining how to use CBT practically. You could use either book on it's own but a combination of the two would be best.

Exposure Therapy

If you are triggered by noises like chewing or breathing then learn how to use Exposure Therapy. This is method for reducing the intensity of your reactions to specific triggers. You choose a version of a trigger that doesn’t make you too angry and then by repeatedly exposing yourself to it you can reduce your sensitivity to it. Then you move on to a more intense version of the trigger.

Useful pdf: www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/docs/ACFA29D.pdf

Dialectical behavioural therapy

DBT is a version of CBT that has been adapted to help people who react very intensely. It focuses on a person’s relationship with other people and their environment. It also includes a group therapy aspect. Useful website

Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy

Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy (REBT) was the first form of CBT. REBT and CBT share the same core idea; that it’s your thoughts about an event rather than the event itself that causes the anger. This article describes REBT and this article explains the differences between CBT and REBT

4. Expressing Anger

In general:

  • Avoid passive aggression, violence and anger release exercises like hitting a pillow.
  • Plan emotional conversations in advance
  • Become more assertive
  • Be clear in your head how you feel and what you want. It will be difficult to communicate effectively if you dont yourself know what you want from the other person
  • Use “I” statements. Make the focus of the conversation what your preferences are and give examples of events that upset you.
  • Rather than ranting or venting at someone try to come up with solutions to the ‘problems’ causing you to become angry

You'll never completely eliminate anger; in fact, you shouldn't. Learn how to express your anger in a healthy and controlled way. Develop your assertiveness and learn the basics of conflict resolution.

Recomended book for assertiveness 1: The Assertiveness workbook: How to express your ideas and stand up for yourself at work and in relationships by Randy J. Paterson

Recommended book for assertiveness 2: When I say no, I feel guilty by Manuel J. Smith

Recommended book for conflict resolution: The anatomy of peace: resolving the heart of the conflict by the Arbinger Institute

5. Understand the root of your anger

Try to arrange face-to-face therapy sessions where you can talk to someone who can help you discover where you anger comes from.

Causes of anger 1

Causes of anger 2

Special mention of the guys at r/misophonia at this point.

6. Being heathly

Improve your sleep hygiene and your diet and drink less alcohol.

Sleep hygiene guide

Avoid trans fatty acids. Guardian article

General Book Recommendations

The Dancer of Anger: A Women's guide to chaning the patterns of intimate relationships by Harriet Lerner Ph.D. I'm currently reading this. It's aimed at women but men will also find it useful. It mostly focuses on anger in family relationships.

I've not read these books but I've seen them recommended during my research:

When Anger Hurts: Quieting the Storm Within, 2nd Edition by McKay, Rogers and McKay

Anger Kills: Seventenn Strategies for controlling the hostility that can harm by Williams and Redford

It's not personal!: A guide to anger management by Katz and Katz

If anyone actually sees this post I might update it with links to resources and books I would recommend.

[Edit 30th April 2018: updated with more detail as promised]

[Edit 13th May 2018: I've corrected 18 typos to make DiamondSparkL happy.]

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1

My nephew had a melt down on the 3rd, trying to figure out what to do.

Ok T is the angry one as you will see, and S is his brother. A little backstory, T had been pretty harsh towards me the days prior, his comment rubbed me wrong so I called him out on it. I also let him borrow a spare car the week prior.

JUL 3RD, 1:25PM

Me: Soooo, were we wanting to eat some food tomorrow? If so what time? JUL 3RD, 3:42PM

T: No idea. Got invited to D's. Don't know if I'll be doing much of anything Kinda hard to do family stuff when ur family doesn't want you around

S: Let's do some lunch here

Me: Well you were invited and who does or doesn't come with you is of no consequence to those that want to see you. To be clear. Lunch at your place s?

S: Lemme dubcheck with the wife

Me: Jesus. Not to be a dick but you literally said yes. Plus I've been trying to figure it out for a month. Just kinda frustrating is all.

S: K. Jus lemme dubcheck with the wife The answer was yes.

S: But I haven't asked yet. Hold tight Please stand by

T: Easy for someone with no family responsibility or obligations outside of their own to say ...

S: Question asked. Stand by

Me: Fuck off dude. No need to be tool to me just because you're pissed at other people.

S: Please note: a no from her will be overturned because I'm the prez What did I do???????? So yes lunch at my place Unless everyone is fighting

Me: I'm fine.

S: The we have a royal rumble

T: Fuck off? Tool?? Roger that you piece of shit. I'll show you just how big of a fuckin tool I can be. Oh but putting not to be a dick I front of that would have made it sound less hostile Say something else smart and you won't have to go to the gym no more bc I'll just come to your house and beat the fat right out of you

Me: Wow dude. Real nice I'm no longer making food he can eat. Also. Whats the address where I can pick up my car.

S: Guys seriously. We all need to calm down. There are more productive things we can be doing and most importantly don't let this distract you from the fact that in 1998, The Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell In A Cell, and plummeted 16 ft through an announcer's table Nah.

T: Fuck your car, fuck your food, fuck your fat ass. You best stay the fuck away from me Enderfenrir bc I WILL PUT YOU IN THE FUCKING HOSPITAL, and not for your bullshit "conditions" I dare you I DARE YOU TO COME FUCKING TEST ME RIGHT NOW BC BITCH I HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE

Me: Get some help dude. That reaction is totally too far. Get some fucking perspective.

T: Perspective. Like the only perspective you have from your fucking bedroom.. you don't know too far. You don't know shit about shit. You're the one that's gonna need help You wanna buck up and puff your chest on me? Walking on a fucking treadmill won't save you

Me: The fuck you even on about? I basically called you an asshole and I get this. Calm the fuck down and stop overreacting. Jesus. I wanted fucking spend time with you guys. Believe me, I plan on staying away T. I want nothing to do with someone that acts the way you just did.

S: T seriously wtf Enderfenrir said, in a confusing way, that he wants you there regardless and you straight up slammed him

T: Fuck u both

I have tried talking to him since, and he just threatens me.

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Anger and Self-Worth

Background: I’m a 23 year old woman. I’ve struggled with anger my whole life. It’s ADHD-related because that makes your emotional fuse short to non-existent.

I’m very well aware that I react harshly to things. I know that my anger comes from a place of low self-esteem and feeling like I’m not good enough in general. When I get depressed, I get angry and lash out, which makes me hurt people and feel worse, so I continue to be depressed and lash out further. I don’t know how to break the cycle. This is only made harder because I can’t afford therapy. I’ve lost many friends recently who have called me toxic and abusive (never physical). I’m at the end of my rope and I really don’t know what to do about it.

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Does this type of anger only happen to me?

I always feel like I've had anger problems, even as a wee lad. So I have two different types of anger inside of me. There's the usual anger where you get mad and stuff. Then there's the anger where I just get pissed I might actually hurt someone, and if they continue to push my buttons it's gonna go passed from being a fight that involve hurtful words into a fight. I can usually control it though, but sometimes I get like this rush of anger or something that goes through my whole body, and like I can physically feel it course through me. I don't know if this is some sort of chemical, but when this happens I feel like the Hulk. Like I cannot control my anger when this happens, and I usually do stuff I regret afterwards.

Like one time my friend wanted to go to bed cause we were up to 11:00 pm. I don't find that to be late, and I tried getting him to play one more game with me, but it went from bickering to when he just hung up cause my petty bickering was just getting annoying. After that happened, that's when the anger coursed through me, and I physically felt it go through my entire body. That's when I messaged him profanities and blocked him, until the next day where I regretted it and unblocked him (He knows me and I have done this over the course of our friendship where I get mad at petty things and block him).

Another time when I was 14, I asked my Great Aunt to buy me a video game. She said she couldn't afford it, and I the anger (again) coursed through me and I overreacted. I yelled profanities at her and started banging my room's door over a video game while yelling profanities. I guess I was having a temper tantrum or an anger outburst, but I deeply regretted it after.

I have plenty more stories where I have had random outbursts of anger, but these are just a few examples. Am I the only one who this happens to? Am I the only one who has this course of rage go through me when I get really pissed at things? What can I do to control this? I know I should probably see a therapist or something. All answers would be appreciated.

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0

Revenge, or nah?

A guy took advantage of me. I offered to give him referral status on my Uber account if he gives 50% of the bonus after my first 30 trips.

He lead me on to think he would pay, but after doing the trips he stopped replying & blocked me on Facebook.

Would you get revenge if you were me?

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[Help/Advice needed]I overreact a lot and get very angry over minor issues -- only with my mother

With everyone else I barely lose my temper, but it's almost like I take my frustrations out on her. I'm determined to change but does anyone have some tips on how to get started?

With her it's like something sends me over the edge. Why is this?

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My SO has explosive anger from what I think are small disagreements, how should I deal?

They just started therapy... so I know I just need to patient... but what can I do to help him? I don't want to be afraid to disagree... but I am. They're not violent, but will just walk out of room when the conversation gets tough. How are we supposed to communicate? Should I just hold my tongue for a while?

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Does it ever go away?

When an emotional angry trigger happens, I know im angry, i'm usually also hurt, and I have wreckless and bad ideas in my head that are self-destructing. I never act out on these ideas. As ive gotten older, I recognize reason vs emotion and I can control my actions. But I still angry cry. I usually end up crying myself to sleep. I just want it stop. I don't want to have things trigger this kind of lividity and devastation out of me. Im so tired of it happening. I don't want to feel at these extremes.

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habit of destruction

Hello i aplogise i advance for my bad english and lack of commas and stuff.

As the titel sugests i have a bit of a habit of destroying things, as for today i destroyed a lamp i regret it badly since my dad yelled at me and i went outside for 2 hours not wanting to go back.

something like this has happned in different places such as, school (i did not destroy school prperty more as my own stuff) now that i think about it more school and home in other places i dont want to make attention.

since i dont get to destroy things since my parents hate that. i punch myself which i guess i deserve for being a little shit and underachiver while my sis gets so far in life gets to talk more to my parents now i am feeling jelous damn.

i think i have destroyed a minature fan a chltes hanger and a pen at max but i feel it could get worse if nothing i gonna get done about it.

so help me with some advice on what to do please?

thanks in advance

-olbart

god i kinda regret doing this but i put in so much effort i dont want to take it away.

also i am sorry for my spelling i know it's bad pay no mind to it but oh well bye have a good one.

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I hate almost everyone

Anyone else like me?

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Anger and arrogance.

Times I get angry at people. I think about it and I think I am too arrogant, looking down, disregarding people. (I don't show them on the outside, but I am very arrogant on the inside) I suppose I should give people more respect.

Sometimes there are some shitty people which probably should be angry about, but sometimes it's my arrogance.

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How to deal with self-hatred because of anger

I’ve posted something similar here a long time ago but it’s something that’s I’ve been struggling with a lot more often recently. After I’ve calmed down after an outburst I’m just completely overwhelmed with feelings of shame, embarrassment, and guilt. I won’t be able to stop thinking about how much I hate myself and how bad of a person I am that I can’t control my own emotions. It eventually passes and I’m able to forget about it but it still takes a huge toll on my long term confidence and self esteem. It makes feel like I’m not a real man and just a child. So I guess what I’m asking is how do you guys move on from your mistakes with anger? Because I really don’t know how to forgive myself for all the stupid stuff I do.

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I can’t feel anything. This is long

I’ve always had a short temper. I’ve been with my girlfriend for two years. She knows I get angry and yell about things I shouldn’t be angry about, but it ends there. I’ve never hit a woman out of anger, or ever for any reason.

Yesterday, we were arguing and I was getting angry. I took my pillow down to the couch to disengage from the argument. She shortly followed me downstairs and continued the argument. I didn’t have anywhere else to go, I had already walked away. I told her to either lower her voice or get away from me if she couldn’t stop yelling. We both continued yelling. I balled up my hands and squeezed and stared at the wall, what I usually do when I know I’m being irrationally angry to to let it flow out of me. I stepped close to her and said something along the lines of “stop fucking talking to me like that”.

She immediately dropped what she was holding and ran from the room. She thought I was going to hurt her. I watched her face turn to fear before she turned to go. I went up to the room a little while later. She was crying and rocking back and forth. I told her that I should go, even though I didn’t have anywhere to go. I didn’t think I deserved to be there. I told her what I really think about myself, that I’m a bad person and I ruin things. I told her that this is not a healthy thing to be experiencing and she didn’t deserve it. I didn’t beg for her to stay with me, I said the opposite. That this isn’t normal and she deserves better.

We’ve been together for two years and nothing like this has ever happened before. Regardless, it’s not okay. It’s not okay and I can’t live with myself. I scared her. She thought I was going to hit her. Even if she misunderstood me, it doesn’t matter. It was inappropriate to respond that way. I’m an adult and I get angry like a little fucking baby.

Now I can’t feel anything, besides this inverted feeling, like a lack of anything inside of me. I feel like I’m a psycho or a monster or something. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want her to have to deal with me. I don’t want anyone to have to deal with me.

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I want to die

I'm constantly angry. So fucking angry. I hate it, but I also feel like it's my only defining characteristic. Since I was 2 or 3 I remember having anger issues. Nothing else has been consistent with my personality. And anger is the only thing that makes me feel something.

I'm being driven closer to the edge, but I've gotten better at hiding it too. No one knows how close I am to snapping.

I constantly daydream about taking it out on myself. I punch myself till I bruise. I fantasize about having a sharp blade so I can cut myself like I used to. If I don't do these things I think about taking it out on someone else instead (I wouldn't though).

I even yell at my poor pets, who I love more than anything. I think it's because I know they'll love me anyway, and it's horrible. I love them so much. I hate myself.

Existence hurts. It physically hurts. My chest hurts, my shoulders and neck, my stomach, and my soul, if souls exist. I have no one to talk to.

I'm actually crying right now and I never cry like this. I don't know what to do.

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8

I wish I could explain to my "family" how inconvenienced I am to visit them in a few weeks.

FYI, this is going to be a shit post because I'm stressed out to the max. But....... what I wanted to get off my chest is that I'm not happy at all to travel all the way across country to visit these fuckin "pricks". So the backstory is that, my older sister (11 years older than me) used to beat me a lot when I was a kid. & honestly THAT did contribute to my anger issues. That shit was so bad, I was met with fists to my face, hair pulling, and one time even a glass perfume bottle to the head. Fucked up right? So fast forward to 2017, I needed a place to stay so I ended up living with her for a few months. Obviously, it didn't turn out well. Nothing but drama, arguments, and bickering in that house. What made me move out so abruptly, is that she threatened to smack me. & I was 27 that year, what she is not going to do is threaten a grown ass woman. I literally moved out the next day. I wasn't having that, I.. wouldn't fight my own so called sister where her children lay their head, and on top of that her man cussed at me too. Like bro, i'm not even that close to you, who are you to speak to me in such a disrespectful manner. Out of my own idiocy, (stupidity) I decide to purchase a plane ticket for HER and her MAN's WEDDING. The only reason why I went through with purchasing the ticket was because I was planning this trip for a while, my best friend "expected" me to make this trip. MIND YOU I'VE MADE THIS TRIP bout 5 times already OR MORE since I moved across country, 8 years ago. Can you imagine all those travel fees? Effort, sacrifice on my end. But did these people ever appreciate or respect my efforts? BARELY. Honestly, I'm not excited for this trip. I've been in such a mood lately. The reason why I'm not excited is because I keep making this same dam trip over and over again. FOR YEARS. Same faces, same people, same places. I've seen everything and everyone I needed to see living on that side of the coast. I've spent 20+ years on that side of the country. I honestly need to move on and leave the nest. I can't keep doing this to myself and making the same trip over and over again for years. There's more to the world than just HOME, my ROOTS. I wanna move on, and move forward with my life. My unhappiness in going on this trip is causing me to have a fit. Thankfully, my anger isn't as escalated as it used to be when i was a child, and teenager. But, truth be told I just wanna punch the dam wall. I wanna punch..... somethin......... It's so tough and I feel like I'm losing my cool. But I, actually feel relieved that my anger has subsided over the years and that I've got a control of it now. Thinking of all the drama that happened in 2017 makes me not even wanna travel to see anyone anymore. I honestly want to tell all of those people, that fucked me over that they're all FUCKIN DICKS. But that's impolite to cuss out my "family"

27

I keyed my bosses car

I was sent home from work early today. I had accidentally wore my casual shoes but my supervisor said not to worry about it. After working without issue for 6 and a half hours the second supervisor comes in and kicks up a storm about my shoes. This guy has had it out for me since day one. He constantly criticises my work and watches over me disapprovingly for hours just so he can catch any small mistake I may or may not make. It drives me insane. He got the other supervisor to come and tell me to leave. (He didn’t even have the decency to do it himself!) So when I left I took my knife and left a small scratch on the back of his car. I really hope he doesn’t notice & I’m totally freaked out about losing my job. Instant regret. I will let everyone around me down if I lose this job. I feel like such an idiot. I quit using drugs this year and have been doing exceptionally well, I really don’t need this. Why did I risk it all over something so trivial?!

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19

Why don't I want to be happy when I'm mad?

Like the title says, when I'm angry or mad, most of the time I don't want to be happy. I don't want to stop being angry, and the idea of being happy in that moment actually frustrates me. I'm not sure what this is or if anyone else has experienced this.

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Eminent Explosive Anger Disorder

Anybody with this disorder care to chime in and tell me what it’s like? I believe my dad has it. He’s 66 and explodes in rage over menial things. He’s exploded in anger about ear plugs at the shooting range, yogurt, boxes of bacon. Lots of small shit like that looking back to my teen and childhood. Just curious to hear from somebody that has the same disorder.

2

Always Angry, and filled with hate.

So to begin this, I’m filled with anger and hate. Everyone has a stressful life, and my life is just shit. I live with a single mom whose been struggling, I myself have been struggling trying to make ends meet, go to school, but trying to be a better person.

I was always bullied, made fun of, and was like an embarrassment to life. I always have rotten luck, I always get screwed, rest to sure everyone does, but it’s all the time. At the same time myself always tries to do the right thing, but I’m wronged by society.

Everyone else is able to get what they want, but not me. I feel like I’m a pawn of society, and somebody whose destined to fail. I’ve descended into this negatively beginning in 2015, I lost a close friend, I dated a girl who was a friend at first, but I messed up, in debt, have a shit car etc. I can go on all day, but I won’t.

It’s hard to exit being this way, I have a relationship, but it’s complicated, whether my negatively has consumed, idk, I feel like I don’t belong anywhere, maybe I’m hard on myself, but I ask because I’m curious, where am I going wrong? Are my emotions getting the best of me?

I would consider therapy but I don’t trust doctors, and not gonna be a pawn for money.

I ask others if they to have been outcasted by society, and treated like garbage by many?

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9

I lost it Sunday for the first time in a long time.

I haven't lost control in a long time. I generally have a good control on it, but man, Sunday, that ended. I was at work, I've been hating my job for a while and it was bad on Sunday.

Coworker provoked me endlessly, Boss told me to be better at my job, but its at the point where nothing is good enough. That set off the fuse, but my coworker continued and I blew up..

Basically, I raised my voice to one coworker, lets call him Rosco, because I talk quietly, I'm sick and People were having issues hearing me.

Another Coworker, lets call him Clown, over heard this, and kept laying into me "Oh you're mad! Why are you angry, Yes you are angry! WHY YOU ANGRY" and started yelling louder and louder, even when I told him to stop.

I was at work and my demon came out. I blacked out, I can't remember much for the 5-10 minutes it lasted. But I lost it. I yelled so loud and angrily, I even told my favourite coworker, Rosco , who was trying to calm me down and intervene to "LEAVE ME ALONE".

I walked to the back of my little area and like the scene in The Shining, I slapped the shit out of stuff on my counter.

Clown wouldn't talk or look at me much after that, and I apologized to Rosco.

Guys, I lost it at work, and I probably terrified anyone who heard me. Now my boss wants to talk to me tomorrow. I might have just lost my job due to this.

Man, I thought my anger issues were under control but I guess they were just hiding.

I'm worried now...

3

I have issues talking things out

Whenever I'm trying to talk things out with someone i'm extremely close to like my family or my girlfriend, I quickly grow frustrated, lose my cool, and throw a tantrum which includes me throwing my phone, kicking something, etc. When it happens I pretty much completely lose control and cannot calm down and I've noticed more and more that when this happens it's almost like my body is being possessed by something malevolent. The person I become while I'm insanely angry and who I am normally are almost polar opposites and it honestly scares me since I'm afraid of what I may do one day. The immediate answer is for me to seek mental help obviously, but I've run into the issue of not being able to afford it, and not having insurance to cover the fees associated with it so I'm stuck trying to save up the money and looking for free online resources. Other redditors who have experienced this, what strategies do you try to calm down? I'm honestly looking for anything at this point because even thinking about how angry I get makes me incredibly sad and feel physically sick and sometimes even scared.

Tl;Dr

When I get angry I turn into a less violent version of the Hulk and I can't afford therapy right now and I'm not sure what I can do to help calm down

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I "fly off the handle" a lot...

I have always had a very...expressive personality. Over the years, a lot of this has turned into anger and depression...I've been on and off of a million medicines, been to therapy, been in the ward a few times. Am I ever going to be normal? Is this just the way I am? Is it different than how other people act?

I seem to lash out and get upset a lot over small things. I can't even think of a specific example because it happens so often. I take things out of context and get very angry - yelling, shit talking the other person and, talking down about myself ("you just hate me")

Is this normal? How can I deal with this better. I try really hard not to get so upset but, I just cant stop. On the bright side, I get really crazy for a few minutes then, I'm over it.

8

Told a colleague to fuck off in a mail

Hi, recently a colleague of mine was telling me that I messed things up, from my point I was pretty sure - that there wasn't a problem, so I replied to him that I think that what I did was correct - to which he saI'd that I was only going deeper and should acknowledge my mistakes. We went back and forth in email - and ultimately I told him to fuck off, as I always felt him being pushy and acting as if he is always right.

1

What do you when you can't hold all the anger in anymore and just wanna scream as loud as you can?

Not possible for me to actually scream where I am, I just wanna scream and shout and cry. I get that keeping it in can have problems but what else is there to do? Any other way to actually release the anger?

8

Not being heard

Today I felt ignored. I was working on this machine and it kept on needing adjustment so I asked and got the help, but there was still something off and the person helping me just gave up. So I felt like really mad. And sort of like lost. And I was ready to go off.

I felt petty. Like I was overreacting. But at the same time I savored the feeling of being able to erupt.

I eventually calmed down. I could handle the inconvenience. But now I’m off work and at home and I’m stewing.

It’s not really that I’m angry. It’s that I was desperate and felt out of my depth and like I was left. I know I have a whiny voice and I guess I can’t seem to make requests well. I need some help there. But I still felt furious today for not being able to communicate and get what I wanted and I feel like a “nice guy” except a bitch. Sometimes I really hate my emotions.

I kept everything inside, didn’t do anything except passive aggressively. I’m so upset. I deserve it I guess. But I still don’t know what to do. I wish I knew better.

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Anger, an affliction that is often misunderstood, leaves those who suffer from it in a limbo of social unacceptance. Find the support you need here.

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