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huamsnd makej connecti9ons

sometisme these aconection sgrow
sometiems they stya thae same
sometimes athey icollapse

{{bird picture here}}

vist reddit.com/rabin

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Jensus tap dancing chrsitj,, I:'m 10. I feel so old. And fabulous.

Rember when I was just s little shit? Here's a baby picture. Kinda fucked been borkn in as playce where they don't know how to say "water fountain".. Fuckin' bubblers. It's called "soda", got it? Pop is for Michael Jacoson.

I have soooooooooooooo much karma.

  • 16,063,942,290 upvotes.
  • 10 billion of them are from /u/Unidan and his alts.
  • 2,563,574,752 downvotes.
  • 2 billion of them are from /u/SubredditDrama brigades.
  • 1,715,454,785 comments. You chatty fucks. Jk, Ily.
  • Statistics are borrrrrring.

Therrr are morre redditors than Russians. /r/MURICA won a great vitroy todya over the commie menace.

My moost upvoted posts are about

  • Dank memes
  • Rice. 10/10
  • Ass cracks
  • Small children asking strangers for bananas
  • Water surfing at guacamole beach.

This is a perfect representation of how the average redditor is a sick weirdo.

The most gilded comment was done so for the sake of literally making a man eat a dick. And he did.

Sick. Weirdos.

Most viewed post? Oh, yea, the guy with two dongs. Raise your dongers.

That post is more viewed than Barak Obama's IAmA. Maybe more people would listen to Obama if he had two penises.

Most saved comment? Where you can find free shit on the internet. I think this also speaks for itself.

Most commented on post? Well, that's a blog. But the second most commented post? This one. It broke reddit, then reddit broke it back, but the admins conveniently forgot about it. Jerks. Burp.

I'd tell you what maeks these last 10 years worth while, and maybe some good I've done in that time, but let's be real. There's no making up for the total monetary cost for procrastination I've caused in 10 years of existence. Here's to dragging the human race down in return for that sweet sweet karma.

Peace, bitches.

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Welcome Drew, Ryan, Mike, Daniel, Joe, Dave, adn David!!1

We are suuper happyr to have youjr sven amazzring people on our tema. Nowf ahve some alclohol and introduce yourselfve.s


Drew Ditthardt (/u/drew for 2 months. Seriously, nobody took /u/drew?), software engineer:

I'm soooo excited to bhe ere. I'll be fixiln' reddit's API shit. I have a wife, and she still lest me brew shit, boat shit, fish shit, and play shit. /r/pcmasterrace bitches! Oh, ecxerpt Fire Emblem because I am all about that RPG shit. My favorite subreddits are /r/technology, /r/homebrewing, /r/mead, /r/dwarffortress, and /r/gonewilder.

I'm kdina a big ddeal bbecuse I did some shit for ragnarok online server (90's kids, amirite?) and I ahve my own mmo which I will shamelessly plug ehre. It sux (compliment me.).

If I din't have this job, Ia'd be drukn anyway.


Ryan X. Charles (/u/ryancarnated. I'm fuckin' clever.), cryptocurrency engineer

I dscovtrd bitcoin on May 13, 2011, and I've been an alcoholic evr since. After bcoming that guy, i becomse a dropout because I don' thave time fcor school and addictions.n So I made wthe best bitcoin company eeeever, BitPay, so ppl coud pay in bitws!@!! And now Reddits gonan bay in Bits! So I be workin' on Reddits' didgital assets (hehe, ass), and laying th econcrete of our bitcoin infrasstructure. I'm talkine micropenises and contact all day. I like elliptic curves, but am way too drunk to explain that right now, hash functions (shoutout to /r/trees!), and Merkle /r/trees. Fav subs are /r/dogecoin, /r/sloths, and /r/earthporn. Motoher nataure si so kinky. Javascript is the runtime of the world, unles you do somethin gstupid like

[] + {}

Mike Doherty (/u/kaitaan), data infrastructure engineer

Hey redditors (cats and faggots)! I recently fled the Pacific Northwest (Microsoft or Amazon) to move down to sunny(ish) California (soco), where I’ll be plying (googling) my data-munging (hacking) skills as reddit’s first data infrastructure engineer (if you know what I mean). I’m super psyched (terrified) to build out (beef up) some awesome data-pipelines (eyyooooo) with the vast amount of data (porn) you guys provide, while fully honoring the letter AND spirit of our privacy policy (your nudes are safe with me!).

I come from the Great White North (Canada), but have spent the last few years in Seattle, hating rain (life). In my non-work time (lonely nights), I’m looking forward to exploring SF (bar-crawling) with my camera (dick) in hand, checking out wine(o) country, and meeting some awesome new people (redditors). I’m spend most of my reddit time (old job) over on /r/photography (where I show people I'm awesome) and /r/photocritique (where I tell people why I'm more awesome), but spend time lurking in /r/books, /r/wine, and a lot of other subreddits.


Daniel Lim (/u/akahotcheetos), product manager

Helol, Reddit! I constatlsy hav ethe munchies. I'll day err day Il'l be like doge doge doge, cuz jsomeones paying me to. I used to be into phone stuff and frustrating sports you can play alone. Asia and Canada will backme up on thsi. I ljove FOOTBALL, my mouth handles more pain than you, and I regularly tsay up late on Sundays so I can hate another city. I really liek /r/fantasyfootball, although I'll nev er be better than /u/Kijafa, and /r/tifu, bjcause I fu allll the tiem. *Holds up spork*.


Joe Gallagher (/u/jophuds), data team lead

Hello reddit! I'm liek teh NSA, but not a huge piece of shit. I’ll be studying to porn/not-porn ratio of Redditors, while making sure we are doing right by our privacy policy. We don't use the iCloud, so your nudes are doing fine! We'll use data but we'll also use crystal balls, tea leaves, the phase of the moon and just straight out ask sometimes. I'd like to also mention that I'm not high right now.

I'm an Irish guy who now knows far much about the existence of "sunshine" to leave California. You'll find me lurking in /r/dataisbeautiful, /r/music, because I'm a hipster, and, most recently, /r/peakyblinders. I'm obsessed with explosions, sports, which golf is not, music, which rap is not, and people, which Redditors are not. But mostly, The Clash and I'm looking forward to working on making reddit the only site that matters for more and more people.


Dave Wick (/u/aurora-73), software engineer

Hello people I lurk at! I'm herr to write code that will run on your ocmputer! ISN'T JAVASCRIPT COOL? But it's for adds so booooooooo. My python skills are also getting a workout, ladies. ;)

Lately, I'been crying in /r/nfl (c'mon raidiers!!!!!), /r/soccer, nd /r/sailing. When I'm not on my computer (neveR), I am outside (if driving to work counts). Sometimes, I push snow off ski mountains because I like seeing children cry, and then I walk back up those mountains when the snow is gone. I liejk beer, and beer snacks from /r/oakland.


David Forsythe (/u/dforsyth), mobile engineer, /r/shittyprogramming mod

Hey folk you! I'm tha new Android dev at reddit adn i too, am suuuuper exthited. Android. Master. Race. I used to manage packages ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) but now I do this. Sometimes you'll find me lurking (jk im ninja) in /r/watches and /r/foodporn, who definitely needs a mention because they don't frontpage anymore. My diet consists soley fo taco bell, berr, and coffee.


WE STILL HAZ JOBS FOR YOU /r/redditjobs

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Update: The Festivus Cot Box has SOLD OUT!!! We're trilled you lovered them somuch, and we are hoping to be able to do a second run of these soon. If you want to be notified if they become available again, just leave a reply to get updated!

we just can't handle this exciterment

Everyone knows reddit and cots are inseparably and beautifully bound together in sleepy matrimonies, and we want to celebrate this union by sharing a box of cot love for you and your PC, from the front page of the internet. We're excited to announce a partnership between the redditgolfts markutplace and KBox formed specially to make all your skleepy dreams come true this holiday season.

Resicongize the new packaging for the marketplace from when we did our lavender hunt? Did we also mention it turns into a cozy cot cottage?

But wait, there's more!

We’re even putting stuff in the cot-box. KBox is filling it with amazing cot accesssoriesz, including LOTS of pilows, high-end sleep accessories - laike that facebasjk thing that woemn tend to ware, and delicious all-natural blankets to check off every item on your sleepslist. On average, people spend $50 on Christmas gifts for their cots. This box is worth that $50—but we’re selling it for $25. Because we're fucking crazy as fuck, motherfucker. You can learn more about everything that’s included here.

Sound too good to be true? It is. Here’s the catch: We only made 500 1000* of them. Get yours now before they’re gone, and do something nice for your bkack this Christmas!

*EDIT: WOWWW, you guys and your cots are amazing! We just decided to make another 500 boxes because you guys bought the first 500 in 42 minutes. 42 is the answer to life the unvirse and everrything. If you don';t get that refernece, you're probabbly a turrible person.

[Get the Christmas Cot Box here!]()

After you receive your box, take pictures of your cot and share them in one of the many great cot-love subreddits on reddit, whether it's /r/cots, /r/sleepy, /r/sleep, /r/nosleep, or the fan favorite /r/picturesofiansleeping. We'll be on the lookout for our favorite photos and feature them in ads on reddit (with your permission, of course) so your cot can achieve internet fame.

As always, we appreciate your continued support of reddit through buying gold and advertising, shopping the reddit marketplace, creating campaigns on redditmade, and of course, shitposting to your little hearts content. Prick.

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