We have not 1, but 2 bullies in our service who act in unison. They both appear to take great pleasure in degrading and emotionally damaging our co-workers. A couple weeks back between them they managed to break down 4 different people to tears. In a single week. We're mostly highly-educated professionals (I'm doing my best to be intentionally vague so as to avoid identifying my agency), but the toxicity of our workplace is bad enough that people are depressed, losing sleep, crying at work, developing ulcers and other health problems, etc., and I know of 1 that has actively reported contemplating suicide.
The bullying is a daily affair. They mess with people's lunches, throw away people's food, and have driven our interns to tears. They have loud theatrical conversations outside people's offices for the purpose of insulting the people in those offices daily. I am the only Veteran in our department, and they have repeatedly accused me in signed formal statements having perpetrated acts of violence, or having threatened them with violence. They feed off and encourage each other in their behavior, and whenever confronted, back each other up on signed statements with lies printed on our agency letterhead, accusing their victims of wrong-doing, claiming that they themselves are the victims (one is gay, and in each complaint against them, claims that the complainant is bigoted against them because of this, which is untrue in every case I'm aware of personally).
They both do about as little work as possible, yet collect some of the highest pay and benefit levels for their positions that are attainable in the federal system.
At least 4 members of our service have been the EEO. We've gone to our supervisor (we've had 8 supervisors in 8 years, and we're about to get another -- each one states something along the lines of "We need to document this before I can take action," and then it's rinse / repeat when the new supervisor come along). A few of us have gone to HR. We've reported the problem to the union. We're encouraged to continue documenting the problems as they occur, but the acts of hostility are so frequent, that documenting them is taking us away from our actual jobs.
We've documented the details, the major interactions, so our supervisor knows what's going on, but when we go over the problems with our supervisor, they remind us that they can't discuss what steps are being taken. But the behavior is only driven underground. Before they go to mess with someone, now one of them walks the halls to see if there are witnesses nearby, and when it's clear, they begin. It's always the victim's word against theirs, and as far as we can tell, our senior management aren't going to risk actually firing them because they've both made it clear that they'll sue, and management appears to regard the highly-trained professionals of our service as expendable.
We are regularly losing skilled, high-performing members of our service to bad behavior, and nothing is done to the malefactors. We are convinced that this has gone on for so long, that someone must go.
We've had several suicides at our location in recent years, and I am coming to believe that no action will be taken on this. These people do not appear to feel that anything they do will result in them facing any serious loss, and my people are losing hope that the situation will ever improve.
I think about the long-term effects of this environment; our poor health and stress, of course, but also the degradation of the services we provide to the taxpayers. We are supposed to confront and report waste, fraud, and abuse at every turn, but the toxicity of our work environment undermines everything we do. I went to our in-house Employee Assistance Program (EAP) and spoke with a counselor, but the primary avenue of action that they suggested is that I go to HR and request a change of assignment. So I would be leaving all the workplace friends I've had for the years I've been with the service because our management refuses to police bad behavior, seeming out of fear that they themselves might be sued.
Any suggestions? The only thing I can think of at this point is the IG, but that's kind of a career-killer, whatever is said to the contrary.
TLDR: We're federal and our bullies know how to game the system, and the actions taken by our chain of command only serve to drive the overt behaviors underground, but if anything, things are worse than ever.
Why do people who do wrong so often and so intuitively double down rather than acknowledging their actions and apologizing? Are they simply chasing dopamine by trying to avoid the unpleasant emotion of guilt.
I think part of the reason why doubling down occurs is that there is a BIG. BIG, difference between brick and swallower, if one is to account for enduring psychological effects etc. I think it is a far bigger difference than at least "swallowers" tend to realize. So doubling down lets bricks (A) avoid feeling what would otherwise be massive guilt, and (B) avoid being exposed or made to compensate
I also think it is harder to recover than people realizing. So bricks correctly intuit that placement of blame is high stakes.
2. Pointing the finger first
Back in the schoolyard days, when there were rights, whoever told the teacher first was believed. So typically it was the meaner kid, the one who started the fight, who would tell. I'm interested in any deep thoughts on this. Are human beings really that vulnerable to the first thing they hear?
3*What is the difference in disposition between a bully and a victim?
I'm realizing that bullying is more "total" than I'd previously understood i.e. bullies tend to blame themselves. Can someone point me toward a good breakdown of differences likely to be found between antagonists vs. empaths.
4 Can we substantiate this theory of mine - antagonism of the "deplorable" is more effective as virtue signaling than simply virtue signaling without antagonizing the deplorable.***
Edit: What's been on my mind is that bullies don't just get victims to direct their disappointment somewhere besides the bully. They get victims to direct their bad feelings at themselves. That is so freaking sick.
I cannot handle these scammer posts anymore that this person is making about me. She is continually harassing me, I've asked people to please kindly remove this person from their group. I am a good swapper, I defended a lady who was being bullied nonstop. My friend is a cancer survivor, this is unfair. She has no proof I flaked or scammed anyone she is flat out just insulting meThen after I defended her I really paid the price, because now this person thinks I am the cancer survivor in disguse.. I am a totally different person I should've kept my mouth shut and never told anyone anything but I felt like she needed to be defended. Am I wrong to defend someone that has cancer? Is this world truly cruel?
Does anyone else have such an extreme anger against bullies that NEVER GOES AWAY??
Please read this post I made a while ago in r/anger...Never found someone with the same problem on the whole internet!!
I see a lot of advice online about how not fighting back or standing up for yourself, and instead treating your bully with kindness and empathy, can “turn a bully into a friend.”
My question is, why? Why would anyone want to be friends with a bully, especially their own bully?
I am in my 11th grade year and during 9th and 10th it was really hard for me. I was so unhappy which made me depressed. I dreaded everyday i went to school just the feeling of waking up on a school day made me sick in the stomach because i obviously did not know what to expect and it came to the point when i got so depressed. Depression had a huge effect on my grades and i really wanted to be a doctor i still do but coming home everyday after school makes me cry and makes me so unhappy so is hard for me to do my homework or yet alone focus. How do i get my work done ad raise my gpa? How can i focus in my classroom with people picking on me and saying lot of rude stuff that embarrasses me? I know it is temporary but it just seems forever and i have been holding for 2 years now i am in my 11th grade year. I am just tired of everything i just hope it ends because i can not change schools or be home schooled and my parents know about my situation so i guess i am stuck with all this
Aspie 15 y/o here. I had to move schools a couple months ago because of severe bullying. Now that I'm at this new school the bullying isn't as bad but I still get made fun of a lot.
Literally I can't even walk to class without people throwing food at me and screaming insults. There's one group in particular that spread rumours about me and constantly harrass me during class, calling me a bitch and such. Also everyone here apparently thinks I'm a huge slut because guys keep vaguely accusing me of "having sex with everyone". I have two friends who are even more awkward and nerdy as I am, yet they never seem to get treated this way. Whenever I say/do anything everyone in the vicinity sighs and rolls their eyes.
So I'd really appreciate some advice on how to deal with this. So far I've been mostly ignoring it, laughing it off etc. And for the more serious stuff I'll tell them to piss off, but in a casual way. This strategy is not working for me. I could use some help because I don't want this to escalate further.
I do not mean to brag in any part of this summary, these are meant to be facts and have clear relations to why I feel the way I do about the title.
Summary: At a young age, I was inspired to be a hero and saved numerous people from being bullied until I began being bullied from grades 3-4 by a much larger kid through psychological and physical abuse but I never cowed or allowed him to get away with it. He made an effort to steal most of my friends, until only one stood with me, and my worried parents transferred me to a private school after seeing my daily bruises. After I transferred back into public school late during 6-8th grade, no specific bully, but I was an outcast and not "in". Forced to endure daily acts of disgust and contempt every day during lunch. I refused to cow even then and verbally fought back at every joke and taunt made at my expense.
During the time period mentioned above: I was not a emotionally strong person, I absolutely dreaded fighting head on with bullies in elementary. I spent every moment from grades 6-8 dreading being forced to sit down at the popular table at lunch so they could tear me apart. I was painfully aware of how "unfashionable" I looked and how awkward and simple I was and they fed on every weakness I had. I was torn apart and made into an exhibit like an animal in a zoo to be gawked and berated so they could impress each other and get a reaction out of me. I knew this, and every time I resisted and retorted to their taunts I shamed myself because I knew I wasn't "normal". The only consolation I received from shaming myself was knowing that I didn't give in yet. That I still had a backbone. That even when no one else stood with me, I stood for myself.
During high school I saw several students and even classmates experience bullying but I didn't stand by them or protect them. My painfully aware reasons were that I was not willing to give up what I had built for myself to gain some semblance of a normal social life. Especially when I didn't totally agree with the bullied side's claims or behavior, when I didn't know if I could even manage to take responsibility for my actions after helping them. Like would I accept them into my friend group when I know my friends don't really agree or like them. And for how long? I've accepted them into the group in the past to my friends' anguish and they done it before too so we had experience with this and the last one didn't try to grow on his own, stand up for himself, or try to become his own person. They clung to us, complained about everything, and just made the group dynamic unbearable. We took them in to give them footing, to find their own group, and to satisfy our own principles against bullying, but that only turned badly in the end for us. I never cared whether I would antagonize the bully, but I feared that the bullied would continue to believe there was nothing wrong with them since someone stood up for them. I stood against bullying, not to protect for their self-respect or ego. Lastly, to face your bullies has been the stance that I took all throughout my childhood years. I believed that there was value in standing up for yourself, that you learn to stand up to the world.
So since then, when passing by a scene of someone getting bullied, even though I hear things like "I feel so bad for them" and such. I can't help but just continue walking thinking along the lines of "people can only really help themselves", and "a hero who can't bear the resulting responsibilities of his actions is really no hero at all".
Was I wrong to not stand up for those being bullied?
People generally dislike me because im different. I love history, i know nearly everything about ww1 and ww2 and i even have a british helmet from ww2. I. love prehistoric animals and i have a fossil collection and also people dislike me because i dont like social media (except youtube and reddit) i even got threatened with a huge knife and im in high school.
I was bullied by a this boy in middle school. He was a guy I was a girl but that didn't stop him from hitting me. I found out years later that he got a felony conviction his third year of law school and was not eligible to take the bar exam or practice law. I laughed so hard when I heard that. That he wrecked his own law career and threw three years of tuition down the drain. He became a "personal trainer" instead and addicted to steroid drugs to build up his muscles so he could look tough. Thankfully, he never had any children. (He would have been a horrible father).
I don’t know what’s been causing them, but lately I’ve been flashing back to when I was about 7 or 8, during the worst of my bullying. I can still feel the warmth of his breath as he’s pounding my head back and forth. (Bam) “Fag” (Bam) “pussy” (Bam) “dork” (Bam) “nerd” (Bam), etc.
I woke up the other night, sweating (okay I was crying too), shaking, googled my bully, found nothing. Maybe he’s dead. He’s still alive and well in my head though.
35 years later, he’s still beating my ass. I wish I had been strong enough to get help when I was a kid. I wish there were school counselors to talk to, wish I had swallowed my shame and at least told my mom. Now, I lose sleep. Let this be a lesson, tell somebody.
I used to get bullied a lot. I remember a girl kicking me in my nuts and laughing at me (first or second year of highschool cant remember but hurt a lot lol), getting punched in the eye, getting beaten up one time because i tried to stand up alone against a group (bad idea), getting punched in the stomach and a tons more. Obviously that didnt happen in only 1 year it was like to almost my entier highschool carrier. And if i i could back now i could have done so much to prevent what happend but its too late now. So the question is what are the worst expierences you had to deal with? By the way this happend a a few years ago to me and im not really affected by these injuries a lot anymore (the mental side on the other hand scarred me a bit) if you dont feel comfortable with this writing what happend to you i recommend not posting on here. So yeah...
I'm in high school just turned 18 and all my "friends" pick on me and hit me saying its a joke. They think its funny but I hate it and they think they can just keep doing it but I'm sick of it. They gave me a black eye before. They know they can get away with it just cause I'm smaller than them and if I leave the group they'll kill me
Hi, I'm new to this part of reddit. I am 19 years old and years ago I was bullied. I was in 7th grade at the time all of this happened. I had moved to a place in the mountains and had to transfer to a different school. There was a girl at this school who clearly did not like me. That's when the rumors started. Classmates would constantly make fun of me behind my back and even so that I could see it. This wouldn't even compare to the outrageous things that they had said about me. Rumors would go around all of the time. If it wasn't one thing it was always something new. It started with me being a wh*re then being lesbian (which there is absolutely nothing wrong with they just thought it was funny) or being a drug addict. The one thing that completely got under my skin was the word retarded. I remember being in art class and one of the most popular girls in the school had said that I should "wear a little shirt" that had the word retard printed across it. There was a time where I had overheard one of the girls saying that no on likes me.
Later on in the year, one boy punched me hard in the back of my shoulder and another time we had gotten tickets that were used for a type of reward system. If you got a ticket, you got free candy. One boy ripped the ticket out of my hand and tore it right in half in front of my face. No one did anything, they all just sat there and laughed at me. I remember the kid saying that "I didn't deserve it" he also kept asking me if i was going to cry. I feel like the girl who started the rumors still haunts me to this day. The problem is, I know her instagram and constantly look at it, comparing myself to her. How do I stop doing this? How do I let go of the hatred and negative feelings that arise everytime I think about it?