Sign up and stay connected to your favorite communities.

sign uplog in
34.4k

I wish more people did this

572 comments
86% Upvoted
What are your thoughts? Log in or Sign uplog insign up
Comment deleted5 months ago
1.8k points · 5 months ago

How many tents are you buying that you have special tent money set aside?

Comment deleted5 months ago
164 points · 5 months ago

So if you lost some of your rent money, could it hypothetically become tent money?

I'm pitching a tent right now, will report back if the money starts to flood in.

32 points · 5 months ago

It's been 8 minutes. Your tent is definitely a collapsed flaccid mess by now. What happened, did you get rich?

Must not have gone gay for pay like other porn stars do...

Man's gotta eat

I'm on the edge, any minute now!

Contact a doctor if your tent lasts longer than 4 hours

3 more replies

Tent money - viagra's not cheap

1 more reply

1 more reply

I don't think you needed to clarify.

speak for yourself, I am an idiot and did not know he meant rent money

Source: my high school report cards

I just thought it was some new slang term I hadn't heard yet

I thought he was British or something and they use the word tent for rent or something similar like tenets

Haha... British and euros...!

oh quit it you

33 points · 5 months ago

Oh quit it, EU

1 more reply

2 more replies

Yes, British. Hence the Euros...

5 points · 5 months ago

But it wasn't OP so the fact that it was Euros wouldn't matter right? Am I missing something?

5 more replies

ugh

I always think that when I see something I don't understand on the internet, but I am old.

Same. Just thought it was shortened Tenant money

2 more replies

Well, being reclusive doesn't help either. :-P

7 more replies

He fashions tents together with check stubs.

Rent money... tent money... with the way prices and salaries are going it’s an interchangeable term.

2 more replies

Didn't know Bedouins had flush toilets. What's next, automatic camel litter boxes?

21 more replies

57 points · 5 months ago

There's always that one guy that's always pitching tents.

14 points · 5 months ago

Your comment reminded of this news story I just heard on the radio about this guy who had a spinal injury or some crap, and now has over 100 uncontrollable orgasims a day. Like just taking out the trash, one will just happen. He had to get on disability bc the social issues it caused were horrible. He can't even go to his kids ballgames anymore bc ppl thought he was a pedophile.

6 more replies

I’m a wigwam, I’m a teepee

I’m a wigwam, I’m a teepee

Relax man, you're two tents.

You are 2 different sets of portable makeshift shelters. Ah I don't think I said that right.

Human: /silly

1 more reply

7 points · 5 months ago

Have you ever tried re-packing a tent? Fuckin just worth buying a new one every time.

The guy is probably just intents.

Buying MONTHLY at that

3 more replies

This is what i used to send my landlord when i was trying to find them to pay rent

pic 1

pic 2

That is fucking amazing

$1122 a month? Damn

That's a deal where I live. Average one bedroom is like 1500$ or 2100$ if your actually in the city.

My average is 1800... I pay 1170 and deal with roaches and no ac/anything

5 more replies

3 more replies

1 more reply

tent money

ಠ_ಠ

19 points · 5 months ago

He does nightly shakedowns of the people without addresses in San Francisco

People pay rent in cash? In 2018?

The cash/underground economy is enormous. All the folks that work under the table gotta pay the rent somehow.

There are people having proper careers for years with important industry providers, making 6 figures and getting paid under the table. Occasionally they get caught by IRS, but not as often you'd think.

There are a ton of people who are unable to get a bank account.

I've always heard that about america but I never understood why. What is it that's difficult about getting a bank account there?

Here, all you need are two pieces of ID for a basic account. If you want overdraft protection or a credit card, you'd need a credit check, but otherwise just walk into any bank and open an account at any time.

In fact, since a lot of them nowadays have no monthly fees and have a certain number of free email money transfers per month, I've been considering creating a new account just to pay rent so I can save the two bucks a month in fees it costs to email my rent to my landlord.

Delinquent accounts from other banks show up on their credit report. Can't get new account.

Go figure. You don't pay what you owe, and they won't offer to host an account for you? Shocker.

4 more replies

3 more replies

1 more reply

8 more replies

Tent money? Is that code for TeePee?

That's like"accidentally" leaving the ATM receipt somewhere on the day you deposited the escrow check for a property sale. That money was in your account for an hour but it was huge.

Guilty.

I read it short for "tenant"

15 more replies

I worked in a place where the regulars left lines on the tank for other regulars and bartenders.

I would never do a random line on a toilet if I didn’t know where it came from.

I would definitely stare at it for a good 5 minutes conflicted, but I would decline eventually.

Bonus protip (from a friend): Don't break up stuff on the back of a toilet without cleaning it off as well as possible. Caustic cleaning agents burn in the not-good way. (Not to mention...it's a toilet. But, here we are anyway.)

As a cocaine aficionado myself, those caustic chemicals are no worse than how the coke was made or cut with.

That being said, I have to blow my nose.

Excuse me.

Blow your nose, or nose some blow?

9 points · 5 months ago

Nose your blow

Ehh, just do it on your phone.

Hah, is that why people need those giant phones.

Your nasty ass phone that touches everything you touch?

A quick wipe with a shirt removes like 95% of surface level bacteria. Also, hard drugs typically aren't something bacteria is keen on jumping on to.

16 points · 5 months ago

Bacteria prefer softer drugs like marijuana and mushrooms.

1 more reply

1 more reply

1 more reply

3 more replies

plus you know people piss of all over, pube hairs, coughing, sneezing, farting, spitting, the whole nine.

10 points · 5 months ago

I only count 6 examples

Considering your username I can't believe you didn't mention Jizz

blood, jizz, poop, vomit, snot

Key bumps are the way to go

1 more reply

If only everybody carried around some sort of palm sized flat glass surface in their pocket, that would be very handy for racking up lines on...

1 more reply

1 more reply

Problem is you won't be sober when given the opportunity.

smart man. with the fentanyl crisis going on in my area I stay away from drugs in general these days

Pretty rare for fentanyl to end up in coke, but you hear about it more because most coke users have 0 opiate tolerance and are more likely to overdose from it.

that's pretty much the problem. a dude I used to rave with died from fent laced coke last week so it's been on my brain more than ever

Overdosed and had to be administered Narcan by Paramedics when my “friend” found me unresponsive on my kitchen floor two months ago cuz of this! Play stupid games, win stupid prizes and all that jazz! Don’t do drugs kids!

I hope you’re okay, and I hope that was a wake-up call.

Yea HUGE wake up call. In outpatient rehab and 2 months sober thank you!

No, these were regulars and would hold the door open so that each regular or bartender would know it was their “turn”. No need to check, they always cleaned the tank lid.

I'd stare it a while conflicted but I don't think I'd decline it. Although I wouldn't do it all at once I don't think, guess I'd put it in a wrap and take it away.

I'd dip my finger and lick first.

Phrasing, boom!

1 more reply

What if you already had a couple lines before?

I think we all know the answer to that question

5 points · 5 months ago

You know, I've been on Reddit for a while ama am pretty good at determining what is a joke or sincere. But with so many upvotes to such strong abuse of drugs here, I'm so confused. Does this thread have more junkies than I can fathom or am I missing the comedy this time?

Coke use is way more common than you'd think. Also not every coke user is a junkie.

2 more replies

1 more reply

25 more replies

164 points · 5 months ago

Skid marks?

8 more replies

Had the same with a couple of long-term guests while managing a Hostel.

[deleted]
18 points · 5 months ago

I've never done drugs so I guess I just don't understand the hype, and I'm also really compulsive about germs....but would anyone really do a line off a toilet? Where people poop?? 🤮

Edit to explain I was homeschooled and super naive... I'm less sheltered now but damn some stuff people do just boggles my mind still.

Well, not off of the seat, but yes on the lid they absolutely do. Drugs are... how do I say it? Rather compelling. Especially if you’re an addict. In fact, an addict would do it off the seat no questions asked. The level of depravity increases as the addiction grows (sharing needles, etc). Just stay away from drugs m’kay?

27 more replies

It's just the most convenient place sometimes while also being private.

Just think how if you were starving a trash can sandwich starts looking better and better.

17 points · 5 months ago

With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he’ll never know

1 more reply

7 more replies

3 more replies

I want a big 'ol log left behind so I have something to compete with

Damn this cracked me up hard, and I'm not easily cracked

Egg.

Her name's Ann

20 points · 5 months ago

Her?

1 more reply

She funny or something?

1 more reply

3 more replies

And if OP leaves his shit behind with the other shit, the next guy in that stall would have a chance to complete the "lumber yard".

1 more reply

A good use for the poopknife, to be sure.

I get this reference!

Today I am a true Redditor!

Challenge accepted!

1 more reply

I hate this one sheet toilet paper stuff.

those are paper napkins

Wot

Bumnapkins

1 more reply

That's 50 ply finely pressed.

472 points · 5 months ago · edited 5 months ago

THAT’S A MADRID METRO CARD omg my city pops up rarely but it is much appreciated

edit: I just now realized that is coke and that is not a good thing

How's the coke in Spain?

182 points · 5 months ago

Expensive

More or less than 50 euro a gram?

Man you really want some coke...

Is Pepsi ok?

Is Monopoly money?

Is in Canada, eh

Fanta only

RC ok?

Shasta?

1 more reply

Yes, but that is neither here nor there, owing to me not being in Spain. Last time I was, a good gram went for 35 Euros. (1.45$ to 1€)

It's 70 US for a really good gram so I was wondering if the numbers all still line up. No pun intended.

[deleted]
30 points · 5 months ago

Never did it in Madrid, but in Barcelona its everywhere and not that bad...compared to other EU countries.

It seems counter-intuitive, but buy off of a brown guy. They will be holding a 6 pack of beer. You buy a "beer" and they sell you the coke with it. Like 60€

Thank you sir. Giving out the real info. It's so pain in the ass to figure how to buy in a new Country.

[deleted]
20 points · 5 months ago

Honestly, my only gift is being able to find drugs in foreign countries. Whatever the language barrier, scene, or time...I can find the stuff. Not sure what to do with this power, though.

We should team up, my gift is doing drugs and being high functioning and successful.

The three go hand in glove for me.

Buy drugs with it duh

12 points · 5 months ago

Spain is the main entrance of cocaine in Europe. Traditionally through Galicia, where Zara was founded. Some say it was the narcos from there who invested in that firm, as a dorm of laundry.

http://es.insightcrime.orghttps://www.reddit.com/images/2016/Junio/Screen_Shot_2016-06-03_at_16.38.45.png

[deleted]
5 points · 5 months ago

Yup.

Personally, Europe isnt the place to party with coke though. The M was a lot better, and generally better received when out.

Dont ask for blow in Germany.

I made that mistake once! Maybe a bunch of times.......

I figure by the time blow gets to europe it's gotta be hella stepped on. is blow looked down upon in germany?

1 more reply

6 points · 5 months ago

Lol $350 in NZ...

Holy cow.

1 more reply

1 more reply

Ahh I see. I can pay 80usd from my dude and get really good stuff. 50usd from another for some okay stuff. Also I know a dude in Miami that will sell me a g for 40 bucks! He's alright!

Totally not a cop or anything like that but who are these guys?

2 more replies

4 points · 5 months ago

I pay 85 us for 1

Just out of curiosity, how much is 1 gram?

How many times you can "use" it?

When I really did coke, a gram of great drugs would last me 4 hours or so. I would do about 2 grams twice a week.

Nowadays. A gram will last me 10 hours of face chewing paranoid fun...Followed by 2 hours of jerking off.

Too real.

Probably could last you and a friend a whole evening out, wouldn't try to get much more than that out of it.

1 more reply

2 more replies

22 points · 5 months ago

I think it's usually measured by volume. I can usually get it on sale for $1 USD for a 2 Liter, so I don't know about your euro and grams numbers.

12 points · 5 months ago

Okay this is a joke and all but pro tip: 1 liter (of water) = 1kg and 1ml=1g

so I got 2 kg of Coke for $1? Bargain!

1 more reply

1 more reply

1 more reply

2 more replies

8 points · 5 months ago · edited 5 months ago

Barcelona has the most coke % in the air than any other European city - just a fun fact

What does this even mean

21 points · 5 months ago

The rest of Europe drinks Pepsi

2 more replies

Means love is in air brah

3 more replies

Mainly fairly plain.

2 more replies

1 more reply

How is that a bad thing?

1 more reply

18 more replies

I like people to leave some irrelevant detail askew so I can bitch about it later.

The golden rule always confused me as a kid for this exact reason. Like if I wouldn’t share my lunch with some kid he’d say, “treat others how you’d like to be treated”, and I’d say, “I’d bet you’d like me to hand you a million dollars, so pay up”.

It should really be: "Don't do things to other people that you wouldn't want other people to do to you. Also, be generous and kind within reason."

That’s how it should be received but people like to be petulant

4 more replies

I'd always use it as an excuse to get back at bullies. Teachers and parents would be like "remember the golden rule" and I'd say "I am. They were mean to me so they want me to be mean to them"

46 points · 5 months ago

Yay it forward

That’s around €850 or $1036.70.

34 points · 5 months ago

I think there's at least 20 of them there.

I counted at least 19, including the one rolled up. 20 seems like a good estimate given the shitty res

Glad to see I wasn't the only one counting these; personally estimated it at about 18x50 euros. I agree that 20 seems like a safe bet.

I counted 23

1 more reply

1 more reply

I think theres a grand.

Those are some phat lines

18 points · 5 months ago

Shadowcasters

3 more replies

Santa's Eyebrows

1 more reply

No toothpicks this part of the bathroom

10 points · 5 months ago

Proper slugs

Those sure are some extra large honkerburgers

Gator tails

[deleted]
14 points · 5 months ago

Gaggers

Gorilla fingers

5 more replies

But if everyone left it as they found it, no one would get to enjoy any of that until some selfish bastard came along. So OP is a selfish bastard.

But the sign doesn't say leave it how you found it. It says leave it how you would like to find it. Depending on how high your standards are, you could take or add to the pile then.

1 more reply

1 more reply

This reminds me of stories here in Canada of people who pay for the person's order in front of them in the drive-thru at Tim Hortons. Only I like this version better.

Isn’t it easier to pay for the person behind you? Saves a lot of aggressive overtaking in a confined drive thru queue.

Right? By the time you're paying the person in front of you has already paid.

1 more reply

These days Tim's usually has one window where you order, and one window where you both pick up your order and pay

So people will order and say "add whatever the person in front of me is buying to my bill"

2 more replies

10 points · 5 months ago

Just went to Tim's and paid it forward with blow. Now the police are at my door. What'd I miss?

I'd say about a 1000 euro and more blow.

1 more reply

You’re not allowed to grab the cash, otherwise you’ll change how it was.

13 points · 5 months ago

Leave it how you would like to find it, not how it was.

I would like to find it clean and spotless so ill just go ahead and get this cash out of here and leave the toilet nice and clean as thats how id like it...

I would be happy with 1 schmeckle sooo... I'll just take almost all of it

Fair enough

Yeah but think of what you could do with 25 schmeckles....You could get a boob job!

Hi im Mr. Boobie buyer and ill buy those boobies for 25 shmeckles

3 more replies

2 more replies

people downtown sure are friendly

2 more replies

Coupla cheeseburgers would be nice.

4 points · 5 months ago · edited 5 months ago

Flush one, snort one. That’s the name of the game, ya’ll

You have to open the tank to reap the riches of the $10 GameCube.

What the conversion on that?

Its all 50 euro bills and euro is 1.22 dollars so probebly around 60 dollars notes each and every one of them. You could have a nice night with them i guess.

You could have a nice night with them i guess.

It's clear I don't know how to party, because I wouldn't even know how to spend that much without just going into a busy bar and buying drinks for everyone all night.

Coke is expensive man

2 more replies

5 more replies

1 more reply

3 points · 5 months ago

R/karmaconspiracy

I have my doubts about the authenticity.

Putting the coke on a card instead of the porcelain toilet...(mind blown). Lol

10 points · 5 months ago

Euro is king

1 more reply

Spaniard travelling I can tell.

Euros and Madrid metro card but sign in English?

Maybe partying hard in Dublin

2 points · 5 months ago

Mr. Roca says otherwise.

1 more reply

1 more reply

Damn. Those are hanging too precariously over edge for my liking. One little movement and you've got yourself a couple of hundreds worth of soggy, piss-stained notes.

2 more replies

Be the change you want to see in the world and pay it forward!

133 more replies

Community Details

19.8m

Subscribers

60.4k

Online

Welcome to r/Funny: reddit's largest humour depository

Create Post

r/funny Rules

1.
All posts must make an attempt at humor.
2.
No posts to communicate with another redditor
3.
No Reposts
4.
No politics
5.
No pictures of just text
6.
No personal information.
7.
No gore or porn (includes sexually graphic images)
8.
Do not rehost or hotlink webcomics
9.
No SMS or Social Media Content (including Reddit)
10.
No memes, DAE, reaction, MRW, HIFW, "Me IRL", etc.
Cookies help us deliver our Services. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Learn More.