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the grass is always greener...

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1.6k points · 5 months ago

Oh man... as an almost bald man, fuck this! But it made me laugh my ass off and it's true...

392 points · 5 months ago

Just shave it all off and start calling yourself Captain.

Make it so.

Comment deleted5 months ago
19 points · 5 months ago

Im tired of these motherfucking hairs on my motherfucking head.

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No, just use the trimmer without any attachments

Computer: shave, bald, hot.

God I cant even keep up shaving my beard, to have to shave my head too sounds like heck.

I’m actually better at keeping my head smooth than maintaining my beard.

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Been shaving my head for about 6 months now. I can get it done in about 2 to 3 minutes while showering, easy peasy. I love it.

7 points · 5 months ago

How often do you shave your head? What tool are you using? Gonna have to go through this in the next few months...

If you maintain it often enough just a razor in the shower, pro tip get a shower mirror and save a bunch on shaving cream..it's a scam I tell you, or maybe some people need it? I've never found that to be the case for me.

If you don't do it often, hair trimmer first then razor.

Moisturize often.

Be sure to get a little tan on your head so it matches your face or you will look hilarious during the summer months. Grom your eyebrows as they will be getting a lot more game time now that your hair is in the penalty box

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Every 2-3 days is generally the rule. Any razor will do. I use a DE safety razor, but the Headblade works reasonably well, too.

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But make sure to stay fit. It's the difference between Statham and Costanza.

costanza also never owned his balding, clinging onto those last bits of hair on the sides..

I'm so glad I pulled the trigger, yes I look bad bald..but I look confident too

super fit bald old man at the gym used to tell us kids this:

you can be fat or you can be bald, but you can't be both.

from that point I started noticing fat guys with hair still got it, and thin bald guys also got it, but the fat and bald guys got no love.

Imoortant Note: For this to work you must first become Sir Patrick Stewart. Men who have not become Sir Patrick Stewart before shaving their head and asking people to call them "Captain" may experience negative outcomes.

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made me cry though

Shave it and get a cool hat, if you can grow a beard, do it

3 points · 5 months ago

Going bald was the best thing for me. I was a fat awkward teenager with long greasy hair, that started receding early (18th birthday my family was joking about my hairline), who turned into a badass contractor with a shaved head + beard in his 20s.

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9 points · 5 months ago

More or less... I don’t mind being bald, but really hate the hair on the side of the head.

Yes. That. My exact comment.

That's not bad, you're just evolving into a more aerodynamic form!

you know you can always shave your ass, and superglue it to your head and have the most amazing head of hair.

As a man who buzzed his hair to an eigth of an inch from 20-27, and then started thinning from 28-30, and is now 31....

Fuckkkkkk

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Tsuji. Have faith

Honestly I've got encountered much issue. I'd just recommend owning it, don't try to cling to hair you don't have any more. I was married so I haven't gotten a ton of female feedback; if you're dating I'm sure there are some women who wouldn't like it but others have kind of a thing for it. Like any other fashion or hair choice I'd think.

I just started shaving my head. It seems weird at first but I'm not self conscious about hiding my thin spots anymore. It's truly freeing. I'm only 22.

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There's an old saying:

If you're balding in the front you're a great thinker.

If you're balding in the back you're a great lover.

If you're balding in both you think you're a great lover.

You can bald from the back?

sorry, i assume it refers to the top as oppose to a receding hair line in the front

33 points · 5 months ago

crown

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15 points · 5 months ago

The very back hair, no. You only lose that if you have something like alopecia.

Patrick Stewart bald is about as bald as you can get under normal circumstances. That's why they take the hair from the back for transplants.

I guess no one's a truly great lover. We have heights to aspire to, as a species.

14 points · 5 months ago

I just realized when people say taking hair from the back they mean FROM THE BACK OF THE HEAD. For some reason I always thought when people said this they meant they were using actual back hair and always wondered what people with thin or no back hair would use.

That kind of treatment would only work for Jack Sparrow.

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I've heard another version of this saying in Arabic. It's more of a riddle than a saying, but it goes like:

A person who's balding from the front is a thinker.

A person who's balding from the back is smart.

So then, what would you call a person who is balding from both the front and the back?

Answer: A person who thinks they are smart.

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As a guy who went bald at 25....

Ouch. This hurts.

31 points · 5 months ago

I started at 20. . . it sucks, but I learned to embrace my shaved head.

Comment deleted5 months ago

From experience (started at around 18 years old), it just gets easier with time. I originally spent hours looking into ways to stop it and even pricing up potential hair transplants before just shaving it all off, as each month goes by you think about it less and less and realise nobody actually gives a shit

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3 points · 5 months ago

Speaking from experience here, shave your head and grow some facial hair.

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Go buzzed or shave it down! I have been doing it for years and I feel great about my "hair."

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3 points · 5 months ago

Same story. I'm actually completely fine with it. The only thing that makes me insecure is to get a proper tan, got a very white skin and I just literally burn if I don't cover it..

The only thing that makes me feel insecure is comics like this one that imply being bald is bad.

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Do bald people still use shampoo?

I’m at the point in life where I use soap on my head and shampoo for the rest of my body.

Are you a 34 year old italian man?

the Salamis gave it away

I find pastrami to be the most sensual of all the salted, cured meats.

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No, I have like 1/8" hair. Why would I?

Luxuriant stubble.

I actually like the smell from my shampoo better so I use it to get a sniff. I can't find it in soap format unfortunately.

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2 points · 5 months ago

use it as a body wash anyways.

After you shave your whole body. Covered head to toe in luxuriant stubble.

For fun?

Nah shampoo burns, conditioner is for the fun

Shampoo burns? Are you okay?

I see you’ve never gotten intimate with a loofa,

No, I have never fucked a loofah.

Whoah, hold on there. You can get intimate without fucking you know?

Try opening up to your loofah, it can be quite the exfoliating experience.

It burns.

4 points · 5 months ago

Loofah burns? Are you okay?

I see you've never gotten intimate with a hotel face scrub bottle

She's the loofah my life.

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25 points · 5 months ago

scalp care. Any kind of scalp problems like dandruff, dry scalp, oily scalp etc need more attention by bald people because their scalp is exposed.

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14 points · 5 months ago

I actually have noticed zero dandruff or dry skin or anything of that nature since I started having to shave my head. I use lotion right afterward for moisture but after that I'm good for a few days until I shave again.

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Solved by wearing hats.

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Cleanse out he spider eggs.

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Soap

Look up "3 in 1 Hair and Bodywash"

That was my go-to once I went over that line of balding to bald. But if I'm in a situation (like at a hotel or staying somewhere) where I only have soap/body wash/shampoo I use the shampoo, otherwise the oil and grease spreads down my forehead, eventually covering my whole body in a gelatinous substance.

Are you Frank Reynolds, and is your goal in life to just be pure?

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Yes. Heads still get oily, but a bottle lasts a year

I'm receding at 22 and buzz my hair with no guard. I still dab a little up there because it keeps my scalo healthy. Majority of the shampoo goes in my bears though.

Your bears must have luscious fur.

I started receding at 12. At that point, it’s time to go all out. Ditch the buzz, start shaving it.

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Haven't paid for a haircut or shampoo in about 20 years now. Bald by choice at first though.

Me too except I have white guy with dreadlocks syndrome.

The scalp still needs special love regardless of the hair involved.

What do bald people see in there dreams?

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I do out of tradition I guess. Lasts for ever.

Absolutely. I shave my head (like once a week, usually, with clippers and not a razor), and use a shampoo to keep my scalp healthy.

I'm not bald (yet, but I am losing my hair to male pattern baldness) and I don't even use shampoo. Just rinse your hair everyday in the shower and make sure you massage your scalp and your hair a little and it does wonders. My hair isn't gross or overly oily at all because it doesn't need to over produce oil that's being stripped from it daily from shampoo. It's very freeing honestly.

I have thick luxurious annoyingly fast growing hair. it does take a little hair soap to keep it that way.

There is no way your hair looks good though...

Not bald, but I haven't used shampoo in years. Hot water works just fine on my hair

Wish I could do that, but my hair gets ridiculously oily if I don't shampoo it at least every two days.

According to the internet that's because shampoo strips away the oils causing your scalp to overproduce oil. Like the other poster said checkout /r/NoPoo

35 points · 5 months ago

Every thread is people having issues with not using shampoo. Think I'll pass.

Well naturally, people who don't have issues won't post.

I do it with no issues - saves a bit of time and effort, and my hair looks better.

That's only for people with long hair. It takes a while to get into the groove because it relies on the natural oils in your hair to not be stripped and then replaced artificially by the shampoo conditioner combo. With short hair this is easy. With long hair it requires a decent amount of effort to figure out. Not worth it to me as a have really long thick hair, but my husband had not used shampoo in his hair for years and it's fabulous

Everything's anecdotal. I don't have long hair but it's very thick, and a friend convinced me to not use shampoo, so I tried it. After a few weeks of just rinsing it with water, it was disgustingly oily.

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Comment deleted5 months ago

I have been perpetually pregnant for 5 years so there is no "normal" for me

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I wash my hair every day because my "natural oils" give my hair this springy erratic look that makes me look like a slob, and I more or less need to use either a wax or an oil pomade to be able to comb it into the taper cut hairstyle I've been wearing for years.

A number of people in college (I went to school for design) were hippies and hipsters huge into eliminating or minimizing how much they use shampoo, soap, or even bathe entirely because it deprives them of their natural this or that. Most of them smelled like shit.

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I've heard that there's a period if you stop using shampoo where your body ramps up the oil production because it's used to having to secrete more oil due to the shampoo stripping your bodys natural oils away. After a few days without shampoo use it could return to a baseline. I haven't used shampoo for the better part of a year and my hair's fine, I can't remember if I had an exceptionally greasy period or not hahah. My scalp is also way less itchy than it was before.

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6 points · 5 months ago

Not sure why you're getting downvoted. I haven't used shampoo in 8 years. I just use a brush to massage my scalp when i'm in the shower and it works great. When I used shampoo my hair was more oily and incredibly unmanageable.

3 points · 5 months ago

My wife has been using baking soda/water mix and apple cider vinegar for years now, she's a huge clean freak in just about all areas. She's not like alternative, hippy or anything. Professional career woman. I think people think it's just the friend folk, but whatever, that's not true at all.

If you use a homemade mixture to clean your hair is it really the same thing as not shampooing? Sounds like she just didn't like commercial shampoo options for some reason or another.

I mean technically shampoo has soap or a detergent in it, which actively strips oils from your hair. Baking soda is just a pile of gritty basic bits that give off CO2. It cleans in a much more mechanical way.

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2 points · 5 months ago

Yeah i'm not a hippie at all i just had more troube with shampoo and have been fine without it, no dandriff or anything. I use baking soda on my face.

Late 20's, still feel confident with my scalp. Same. I'm at about 6in at the longest. I wash maybe once every few weeks. Warm water does it best. I get the most compliments when it's been about 2 weeks since any actual wash. It falls much more naturally too, shiny and healthy.

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1 point · 5 months ago

Same. I stopped using shampoo about 5 years ago and my hair is clean and not oily.

I'm not even bald and I don't use shampoo. Bar soap for everything and occasionally conditioner.

26 points · 5 months ago

Gross, lol.

I use body wash for everything.

Nope

Nope, the same body wash/soap that I use on the rest of my body I use on my head.

Yes, for the beard. Also, regular soap makes my scalp flaky. The more you know.........

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464 points · 5 months ago

Yea, no one as muscular in that picture would wish they didn't "have to" work out. They do it because they like it.

60 points · 5 months ago

Yeah I think the picture itself was on the right track, but the dialogue is probably wrong. I was talking to my sis about my goals and she said guys who get too serious about their shape act like they can't have one scoop of ice cream or a cookie.

It's called "bigorexia" which is slangy for muscle dismoprhia. Ironically, people in a great shape with good musculature live lifestyles that allow them to eat a ton of junk and still have healthy biomarkers. So it's doubly stupid to work so hard and not take advantage of it. I ate two Blaze pizzas and a smores for dinner last night and felt zero guilt from it because I had just done a ton of squats and presses.

First of all, this isn’t bigorexia.

Second, just because you could eat junk food and still meet some baseline doesn’t mean you should. It’s not stupid to try and maintain your body and your performance at top levels. People just make the choice that those indulgences aren’t worth it for them, and it’s kinda dickish for you to call them stupid.

Also, you realize that weightlifting doesn’t even burn that many calories, right? Two pizzas and s’mores probably stacked another 1500 calories. Are you fat?

3 points · 5 months ago

Lol, 1500 calories is nothing. If you are lifitng 5 times a week in your early twenties, many men can need upwards of 3k calories a day to gain mass. Shit, I know guys who use mass gainer just to get in some extra calories, because eating enough to gain can be annoying, but I personally try to avoid supplements.

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It's never stupid to eat healthily.

Although having said that when I was training for a marathon I would munch my way through so much shit. Good stuff too, but a lot of garbage thrown in there. I would eat until my stomach was full, but I did not actually feel full. We're talking 40 minutes of straight eating, and in the morning I would do it again. In the end someone still mentioned that I had lost weight (but to be fair that could've been placebo). Training for a marathon was tough but I miss the near infinite eating, even if it got a tad expensive.

If I run a marathon again I'll probably stay with my parents so I can eat infinite of my mums cooking.

He didn’t say it was stupid to eat healthy.

You can eat healthy and still indulge... healthily.

It's called "bigorexia" which is slangy for muscle dismoprhia.

Not eating junkfood/candy because you want a certain bodytype isn't bigorexia.

Depends on your results. You can’t eat like shot if you’re training for bodybuilding competition.

Just because you won’t get fat doesn’t mean you won’t look your best.

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I lift to make my life better, i don’t live to make my lifts better.

I have to remind myself of this when I want chocolate or pizza after eating nothing but chicken, rice, and broccoli for weeks straight.

It's a balance. Feeling great all the time because you're body and brain is running in peak condition on optimal nutrition is so much better imo than trying to chase mouth pleasure every meal like my "foody" friends. However, I don't think the body is so sensitive to empty foods where you'll feel a significant difference having a pizza or ice cream a couple times a week. Everyones body reacts differently though, and I know how much I can get away with after 10 years of experimenting.

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"wish I could be fat like that guy instead of having overcome the biggest hurdle which is motivating yourself to work out."

Yeah, no one thinks that way

And the rich guy thinks. I wish I was poor amd homeless so I know if my girlfriend really like me for me

Yeah but that's a real issue. Think about your life if you won the lottery today and had about $200M. You'd never be able to answer your door or phone again, there would be scammers lined up around the block. Does your old drinking buddy Earl hang out with you because you buy rounds, or because he still actually likes you. All the shit you two do buying each other rounds, helping each other move shit in your pickup (like bodies) is what bonds you together. What if you decide to go visit Europe, do you drag him along to share the experience, but does his job allow that much time off? If not, how do you show him pictures of shit you did in Italy, when all Earl can do is sit there and stew about not going to Italy. So Earl is not your friend anymore ... wanna know who is? Donald Trump! Yep, you're now in his class.

It's really not that hard to tell. Does said person ask for money, or only hang out with you if you're paying? Do they seem to have a problem if you ask them to foot the bill on something (that is obviously reasonably priced for them)?

Guess what, not a person that's hanging around you because they don't like you.

I also like that apparently the other guy can't be considered rich. Taking a girl out for a candle lite dinner at a fancy restaurant. How do we know she's not just with him for the comfortable life style? If she's not a 'looker' he just might be the best she can do?

Getting into sketchier ground at this point.

Let's be real, if an average friend knew you were rich he'd resent you expecting him to pay the bill, no matter what. Not decrying the misfortune of rich people here, but they absolutely do deal with a unique set of issues.

I've actually sort of fallen into this with friends of mine (1 who has become considerably more rich, the others being about a quarter my income), we've never had any issues making it work. Sure, myself or my more rich friend will absolutely cover things in certain situations, especially special outings. But if we're just going out to bar, you'll pay for your own. We didn't have any special sit down about it either. They've just never expected me to pay for them. That's because the last thing a friend wants to do, is make you think that you expect them to pay for them. That's what breaks up friendships.

I think you're pushing your own views as general populous (and I am as a part as well) but to say everyone resents a rich friend and expects him to pay the bill? Well that's just silly really. Life really hasn't changed much for me either way, other than the obvious stress of not having to worry about my finiancial security (which is a big deal, and a major relief on my life, just doesn't have anything to deal with my interaction with my friends).

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Honestly, I have a friend whose dad kind of fell ass backwards into over half a billion dollars, and he seems to get more and more sullen every year. I don't think it's awesome as people imagine it to be. It's really torn their family apart with resentment and animosity.

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This is real even on a much smaller level. I'm from a very low-income area, and only lower-middle-class right now (but I'm only 20 so I'll take the small victory of being self-sufficient). One of my friends managed to get out and get a decent job, and he lost so many friends due to people constantly asking for money, and he's not even rich! Made me really appreciate my friendships, because I know nobody's hanging around me for the money.

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Not poor, just average. And guys with money absolutely do wonder if their girlfriends love them for who they are, or are with them just for the money (and some of them don't wonder, they know with certainty.)

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11 points · 5 months ago

Fat? Dude wasn't fat, just not buff.

Literally thinner than an ice cream cone.

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Unless they are insecure and therefore try to keep a certain body shape.

You mean everyone?

Then it's still a poor example because he's jealous of a guy looking into the gym wishing he was fit. Both feel the same way but one actually IS fit.

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I love working out but finding the time to do so in between the rest of my life can be a constant pain in the ass. My favourite time to go is Saturday night, which I have to change every time I make other plans then.

go in the morning then... everyone can find time for gym

Well, no not everyone. Not trying to make excuses as I do have the ability to and just don't, but I have 4 kids under 5yrs old and if I didn't have the ability to go to the gym during lunch I wouldn't have time. I simply wouldnt be able to get enough sleep if I woke up earlier, and while I sometimes hop on the exercise bike at home I have to constantly stop when there is a toddler head about to make contact with the moving pedal. Lol.

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Exactly. That kind of dedication doesn’t come with absolute passion.

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As a man losing his hair..... this really hurt my feelings lmao.

I love how the rich guy is Ric Flair. WOOOOOO

Whhhoooooo

Stylin and profilin

NATURE BOYYYY

i am all three guys on the left.

so you got the girl who loves you for who you are?

all i can say for sure is she doesn't love me for my money.

maybe she loves you for them cute buns of yours ;)

20 points · 5 months ago

As a man bald before his 30s, fuck this comic strip. It’s too real.

A poor guy can't get rich as easy as a rich guy can get poor.

2 points · 5 months ago

Brewsters Millions

Guy with hair will wish he could grow a 'stache once he starts going bald. His curse is he can only grow scraggly beard and a weak 'stache, will never be able to accept the bald and take it all off.

I'm going bald and take it all off, I accept it fine it just looks like garbage when it gets too long

2 points · 5 months ago

I am also balding, but my beard and mustache game is on point. I still shave it all off though due to me hating my hair (on my head) and not liking how it looks when it grows out (I.E Curls at the end.)

Curly hair is already complicated when you still have a concave hairline, if it goes convex you know you're done for. I do not look forward to when shaving my head requires more maintenance than trimming g my beard.

Comment deleted5 months ago

Come on now, gym regulars aren't keen about lecturing strangers about anything, especially during their workout.

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Thats why I choose to have no appreciable skills or value! Then if I get a girl, I know she can only like me for my personality!

But if your think your personality makes up for your lack of skills and value, do you really have any notable personality?

3 points · 5 months ago

Shrödingers narcissism

Damn you got me. I need to decrease my personality asap

Thanks for making me sad

Fuck you

I’ve been with my boyfriend since high school (13 years this June) and have witnessed his balding through the years as he used to have a full head of hair, but as we’ve watched each other age, I’ve always thought it improved his looks... not that they were lacking before at all of course, it’s just I’ve found my taste in men, in what I find “attractive”, shifts as I get older, so in my eyes, his bald greying self is the loviest it’s ever been

You're a nice lady.

life has been kind to me so it sort of comes easily

Word.

Can you be my gf too?

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I'd rather be sad in a Mercedes than sad on a rusty bike.

Well f*ck.

Yes or I get a cool hat, if you're a great thinker.

I think bald guys look absolutely fine it's those horseshoe hair/friar tuck guys that need to rethink their lives.

This verified shit is not remotely funny.

Random question: are you bald?

Comment deleted5 months ago

yeah, cause you can have hair implants done when you're rich :) Which begs the question, what is trump doing with that stupid rug?

[deleted]
2 points · 5 months ago

Probably got hair transplant when technology was still bad and got bad scars which he now hides with this haircut.

Unless you’re bald

Loved the joke, but cant stop looking at the scissor fingers

I like bald guys, they are so hot!

Take ALL the upvotes

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I don't wanna start a fight here. But I have a crush in chubby and/older men and women.

wyd

This cartoon is often used to instigate endless fights... Sorry if it was not your intention.

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Hi

Hi! How are you?

Good, how are you?

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3 points · 5 months ago

yeah, but people like you aren't common.

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2 points · 5 months ago

Costanza

Yes! ♥

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It’s a lot less work to have no hair, lol.

I used to shave my head even though I’m not balding, and it makes showers go way faster, drying off afterwards much quicker, and worrying about your hair being styled just so is off the table completely. For the lazy person, very short buzzed hair is the way to go. Either that or dreadlocks, lol.

Im starting to get bald and im only 20. HELP!!!

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Where's the joke?

/r/comedycemetery

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2 points · 5 months ago

If youre that fit already you must enjoy what youre doing by now. Id argue someone who isnt fit might worry more while also struggling with self-esteem.

Easy to find someone who loves you if youre rich, easier than if youre poor.

I'd say easy to find someone to screw you if you're rich.

If you're poor, you are pretty certain she loves you for you.

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