all 85 comments

[–]crawling_king_snake1 289 points290 points  (20 children)

Once every 2-3 years? Lol I wish haha ha...ha... :(

[–]NewZJ 78 points79 points  (12 children)

It's almost 2020, I need to hurry up or I'll miss my chance at scoring this decade.

[–]MizchiefKilz 54 points55 points  (7 children)

Does it count if you think you scored, but the girl was so fat you hadden't quite made it in, then once you realized you went totally soft but then told her you prematured so she wouldn't kill herself?

[–]JojenCopyPaste 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Uh, sure. If you want to count it, it counts.

[–]MisterRivers 30 points31 points  (4 children)

How do you make this shit up?

[–]MizchiefKilz 65 points66 points  (2 children)

I don't :(

[–]davi9091 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Would you be so kind and share your story with us?

[–]prema_van_smuuf 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Please don't.

[–]aktionjaxon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Real life experience

[–]idontevenknowanymre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes that counts. Been there, trust me it counts....

[–]D9sinc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

God it wasn't until I read this that I realized it's the same for me.

[–]JeramyBailey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Shit... Me too.

[–]94savage 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow you just ruined my day. And it's not even 7 am yet

[–]Bitter-asshole 25 points26 points  (3 children)

I uh...do the sex quite often!

[–]Desertscape 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Joke's on them, I'm looking forward to my wizard powers.

[–]dpgtfc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

After awhile you give in, but end up getting divorce over it anyway.

[–]Catsarenotreptilians 44 points45 points  (14 children)

27 year old virgin checking in here, you have absolutely no idea.

[–]ColdDemon388 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Ha! Loser. I've totally had the sex.. before.. all.. gettin' it up there. Or down there. Or.. you know.

[–]Sayros 16 points17 points  (9 children)

Is it true if you don't use it, you lose it?

[–]idontevenknowanymre 5 points6 points  (3 children)

I’m beginning to this so

[–]jddanielle 10 points11 points  (2 children)

what is english

[–]rhino76 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What do mean you?

[–]Thatguyontrees 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What mean do you?

[–]PM_ME_WHT_PHOSPHORUS 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I think so..... why just the other day I came across a penis alongside the road. Someone has paid the toll for their quest into wizardry.

[–]VirtualCtor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

🎶 Detachable peeenis 🎶

[–]ColdDemon388 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wait.. is that a serious question?

[–]Catsarenotreptilians 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's in terms of blood flow, so yes, but this isn't about sex, this is about blood flow.

[–]EjoxDaFox 4 points5 points  (0 children)

3 more years and you'll become a wizard.

[–]Zumvault 1 point2 points  (0 children)

25 here, maybe someday I'll be on your level!

[–]BadGimp 27 points28 points  (5 children)

I'd kill for that kinda action...

[–]chewee123 6 points7 points  (4 children)

I’d just kill for some action.

[–]randominternetdood -3 points-2 points  (3 children)

so get a ski mask and some gloves, go to the local place where teens bone in cars, kill the male, take his action.

[–]D9sinc 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Nothing says romance like statutory.

[–]idontevenknowanymre 2 points3 points  (1 child)

18 is legal

[–]PM_ME_WHT_PHOSPHORUS 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yea but the whole murder rape thing.... Not so legal

[–]CannibalisticChad 91 points92 points  (4 children)

Ya, but can he jerk off with his hippo hands? Dont think so.

[–]ScHlaNg_er 83 points84 points  (3 children)

"hippo hands"???

He is a fucking rhino

[–]Ram2145 26 points27 points  (0 children)

A hilarious mistake.

[–]IndigoFenix 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Only once every 2-3 years. The rest of the time he's a regular rhino.

[–]Banner-Man 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They have pretty similar feet plus the alliteration makes the joke better. Explaining the joke actually makes it worse though so I'm not sure what I accomplished by telling you all this.

[–]Zanos-Ixshlae 13 points14 points  (0 children)

2 or 3 times! What is he, some sort of Cassanova?

[–]diggerbanks 3 points4 points  (0 children)

How many levels of mean-spiritedness and pathetic perceptions of winning and losing does this entry have?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

HA! You are wrong!

I never mate!

[–]confusedtopher 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My horns also line up in very much the same way.

[–]Mal_Reynolds84 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish I got laid that often

[–]mexitalian_91 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Too close to home bro

[–]ClaudeAtlass 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's racist

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Railing a bigass line of rhino horn makes it

all worth it hunny

[–]ThingsUShouldNotSay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, at least people poach me for my horn.

[–]gethellout 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But can they treat themselves nicely af? Cause we do.

[–]ihavetourinate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds ideal to me

[–]Sreer4G 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, that makes me a wayy bigger loser than the rhino.

[–]Lord_Of_War714 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only because their pregnancy last 14-17 months and the calves usually stick around for 2-4years after birth. Or is that elephants that do that?

[–]ccReptilelord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That may be, but it's a better sex life than that of the northern white rhino.

[–]RMCAHG 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Pretty sure they went extinct... Lonely Guys 1, Black Rhino 0...

[–]ccReptilelord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Northern white, not black

[–]georusso44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ha jokes on you I never mate!

[–]sfdsquid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yet somehow losers aren’t on the verge of extinction.

[–]Jacob_JBR_Ryan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And they are literally always horny, also like me.

[–]hallowghost 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And they are being poached to the brink of extinction. Sad.

[–]Jjana 0 points1 point  (0 children)

those hairy ears are actually cute!

[–]SheaMcD 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you cant be a fucking loser if you dont fuck

[–]mattamerikuh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s also incredibly horny, as one can see.

[–]baronvonjiale 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The live like 16 years so they mate like 8 to 5 times more than me so op is kinda wrong

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jokes on you. I mate once in a decade.... on average.

[–]Grolschisgood 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That feeling when a rhino gets more action than i do :(

[–]tonymonmaster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Spends majority of its adult life alone

Man, that sounds like a dream

[–]Gpotato 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At least I aint black though! /s

[–]OlyScott 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have read about rhinos that require darkness to mate. Looking at that picture, it makes sense.

[–]Killdogroad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s only funny if it’s not true!

[–]john-bryan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How did you know? :(

[–]youssefsomer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it is once

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Truth in humor.

[–]autumngust 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fucking amateur.

[–]omeganman81 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But everyone still wants his horn.

[–]Archaeoculus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's been two years since I hooked up with my ex. This hits too close to home. Oh well. At least maybe it means I'll get laid again...soon?

[–]yagamison -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Jokes on him he's extinct.