gildings in this subreddit have paid for 14.37 years of server time

ouch by gaybaby26 in funny

[–]levarburger 106 points107 points  (0 children)

Not to be grandpa, but I had a similar issue when I lived in a condo....

I walked over said, hey man it's 3am and your music sounds like it's in my room would you mind turning it down?

He said, oh shit sorry I just got off work, wasnt even thinking about the time.

Never had the issue again.

Slashing tires sounds fun but sometimes human interaction is easier.

True, isn't it? by _Dayun_ in funny

[–]Jackieirish 1832 points1833 points  (0 children)

Internet debates raise my blood pressure so much, I usually end up typing out my comment to give myself some kind of satisfaction and then delete it without posting it.

But every once in a while, I'll mess up and actually post it and then get into some futile confrontation with someone I'll never meet over something I don't really care about in an argument that will never resolve.

There's no doubt about it: I am the moron.

Croatia by imran-shaikh in funny

[–]RogerPackinrod 310 points311 points  (0 children)

I just enjoyed watching Tom Cruise die repeatedly.

Parallel parking isn't for everyone. by BlackMist87 in funny

[–]WhichWayzUp 181 points182 points  (0 children)

Funny you mention that. I'm a woman & towed a 24 foot trailer 200 miles in 1 day last week all by myself. Had no help. No problem. Did a lot of backing up, turning around, everything. Although I will admit I did minimize getting myself into any difficult situations. I aimed to stay in a straight line as much as possible, and had gas cans ready in case I needed fuel and gas stations were tricky to get into. But I did get out of a few tricky situations. I feel quite accomplished. Exhausted now. I'm blabbing about all this now cuz I haven't told anyone, just resting. Thanks for listening k bye!

Perhaps one of the more comical aspects of having a turf lawn and two golden retrievers. by Mookychew in funny

[–]MuppetWrangler 124 points125 points  (0 children)

my wife has one, its kinda crude, just basically a stick with some straw tied on at one end, she rides it though

“Oh yea he’s great with kids” by IIStaySchemin in funny

[–]draxxtimsklounst44 2576 points2577 points  (0 children)

Begone tot. Edit: appreciate the gold and the comments below. Got a good chuckle when I checked my phone

My 13 yo daughter left me a death threat on a Saturday morning. by notusuallyhostile in funny

[–]SteelingHearts 3573 points3574 points  (0 children)

When I was a teenager I also left a note for my dad threatening bodily harm if he woke me up early again. My mother thought it was hilarious and had the note laminated. She still has it in her purse and likes to show it to random people, 20+ years later. So if you are looking for a revenge tactic to use on your daughter, that one is an effective and long-term route to success, because nothing exasperates me quite as much as my mother pulling that fucking note out to show the cashier at Target. “Jesus Christ, Mom, I’m 35 years old! Give it a fucking rest!”

Edit: The Note

Not all engineers have degrees.... by jimkeele in funny

[–]average_user_421 5613 points5614 points  (0 children)

"Why are we doing this?"

"Someone has to."

An actual conversation I had with my best friend 20 years ago just prior to doing something equally dumb and cool.

The tides have turned. by Plebsplease in funny

[–]BlahBlahBlah_smart 288 points289 points  (0 children)

Right?! And I’m late per usual

Edit: holy crap, mama I made it

The tides have turned. by Plebsplease in funny

[–]kokroo 86 points87 points  (0 children)

My gold train virginity is still intact.

EDIT : I bamboozled, I've been gilded in a gold train before MUAHAHAHAHAHA

The tides have turned. by Plebsplease in funny

[–]Coppeh 55 points56 points  (0 children)

That's what the foreskin is used for.

The tides have turned. by Plebsplease in funny

[–]MidnightLiving 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Are these trains usually just one person or is like a few people who just collectively start it? I never understood why or how they happen.

The tides have turned. by Plebsplease in funny

[–]Geoff300 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so true. I go hiking with 3 retirees and I never realized why they always made me the driver for the way back. All 3 would sit there on their individual phones checking the news then doing the crossword.

Then they get upset when I pull out my phone.

The tides have turned. by Plebsplease in funny

[–]Syctinator 186 points187 points  (0 children)

Darn it. 1 minute late for the comment about not getting gold.

The tides have turned. by Plebsplease in funny

[–]ekhfarharris 1388 points1389 points  (0 children)

so... you rub it on the cover, or the edge, or just kind of close the middle page over your dick....?

The tides have turned. by Plebsplease in funny

[–]Virgin_Dildo_Lover 1600 points1601 points  (0 children)

Can't masterbate with a book...

The tides have turned. by Plebsplease in funny

[–]ThatOtherGuy_CA 2721 points2722 points x2 (0 children)

Dang it. 20 minutes late for gold.