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[–]detectonomicon 7905 points7906 points  (174 children)

Santa Claus: Origins

[–]Dajajde 1095 points1096 points  (140 children)

Someone make Santa Simulator please, I would play the shit out of it

[–]TheChosenSwag 1203 points1204 points  (117 children)

Dude what if you had to sneak around the house as santa clause and determine if the kid is nauty or nice by the clues in their room and what not. I'd play that

[–]inshane_in_the_brain 649 points650 points  (70 children)

Wtf, you know nothing of Santa lore? Santa knows what he knows because he has elite teams of elves performing year around recon.

Tie that into the game and then let Christmas eve be the final boss.

[–]adoseth 421 points422 points  (19 children)

North Pole Six: Siege

Can't wait to breach kids rooms in an elf team recon.

[–]Vox_Populi98 125 points126 points  (10 children)

Time to fuze the kids room

[–]anders_dot_exe 75 points76 points  (1 child)

Hostage extraction K̵̡̟͉̫͙̹̩̱̣͖̥͐̈́ͫ̒ͨ͊ͫ̽͆͌̎̅͑ͯ͗́̚Í͆̅ͬ̌̔͐̀̚͏̸̭͕̭̱̼̖͢L̸̳̥̮̻͚̝̞ͪ́̃̌̾́ͩ͋̓̓͐ͦ͂ͬͣ́̚L͌ͯ̒ͪ̾҉͢҉̴̶͈̳̫̹̥͙̹ team

[–]snopro 4 points5 points  (0 children)

K̵̡̟͉̫͙̹̩̱̣͖̥͐̈́ͫ̒ͨ͊ͫ̽͆͌̎̅͑ͯ͗́̚Í͆̅ͬ̌̔͐̀̚͏̸̭͕̭̱̼̖͢L̸̳̥̮̻͚̝̞ͪ́̃̌̾́ͩ͋̓̓͐ͦ͂ͬͣ́̚L͌ͯ̒ͪ̾҉͢҉̴̶͈̳̫̹̥͙̹ K̵̡̟͉̫͙̹̩̱̣͖̥͐̈́ͫ̒ͨ͊ͫ̽͆͌̎̅͑ͯ͗́̚Í͆̅ͬ̌̔͐̀̚͏̸̭͕̭̱̼̖͢L̸̳̥̮̻͚̝̞ͪ́̃̌̾́ͩ͋̓̓͐ͦ͂ͬͣ́̚L͌ͯ̒ͪ̾҉͢҉̴̶͈̳̫̹̥͙̹ K̵̡̟͉̫͙̹̩̱̣͖̥͐̈́ͫ̒ͨ͊ͫ̽͆͌̎̅͑ͯ͗́̚Í͆̅ͬ̌̔͐̀̚͏̸̭͕̭̱̼̖͢L̸̳̥̮̻͚̝̞ͪ́̃̌̾́ͩ͋̓̓͐ͦ͂ͬͣ́̚L͌ͯ̒ͪ̾҉͢҉̴̶͈̳̫̹̥͙̹ ???

[–]medhat_2000 54 points55 points  (4 children)

Fuze the kids room as much as you want, no one cares.

Just please do NOT reinforce it.

[–]Asayano_Tangke 25 points26 points  (0 children)

reinforces room and adds armor panels to the windows

We're all safe here now!

[–]PaulWalkerIV 21 points22 points  (0 children)


[–]Stealthy_Bird 15 points16 points  (1 child)

A big fuckin present coming right up

[–]Scruffynerffherder 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Where's the Kickstarter?? I'm down.

[–]sheepoverfence 76 points77 points  (16 children)

No. He sees you when you're sleeping He knows when you're awake He knows when you've been bad or good So be good for goodness sake!

[–]BCProgramming 58 points59 points  (0 children)

He knows when you've been slacking

He knows when you are late

He even provides an audience

for when you masturbate

[–]skelebone 16 points17 points  (3 children)

See, he watches you when you are sleeping, but he is merely aware of you when you are awake. His monitoring is ineffective during your waking hours.

[–]whut-whut 9 points10 points  (1 child)

That means his monitoring system is triggered by biochemical differences between a sleeping and waking state.

If we can drug ourselves to the point we do not register as being awake but are also not asleep, Santa will be unable to see or know our status.

[–]Pinkie_Pie_Swear 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Man, if you wanted a hit, all you had to do was ask.

[–]slaaitch 18 points19 points  (5 children)

Or because some guy is watching you sleep. Maybe be good because of that.

[–]_demetri_ 16 points17 points  (3 children)

Jokes on you, some of us get off on that.

[–]spiral_divergence 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Welcome to the naughty list

[–]ButtLusting 13 points14 points  (0 children)

HOE HOE HOE! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

[–]zaphodbeebIebrox 6 points7 points  (2 children)

If Santa knows all of this, then he knew that those reindeer were picking on Rudolph, and he didn’t do a single thing about it.

[–]KingNick 9 points10 points  (5 children)

Now give me a game that has Santa's evil-half and you're trying to stop him by deciphering these naughty/nice clues because evil Santa (I'm blanking on his name) stole the naughty/nice list in an effort to make Santa a fool and so that he could take as many children away in his bag (lore) that he wants since he decides who is naughty.

It could either be comical dark like Cuphead, or true to lore dark like The Witcher.

I'd play the fuck out of that.

[–]AjaxPlastic 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The irony is that Santa Claus was not a lie but his lore may have been exaggerated a bit. He has to figure out by doing an aura reading and checking for clues. Aura readings cost him mana and if Santa runs out of Mana he can't fly the next destination. He may have to run through the neighborhood to get to the next house. Also he has to do a B&E to get in the house if there is no chimney.

[–]Who_Decided 35 points36 points  (8 children)

Santa's Creed. You have to sneak into houses without being detected and as you go through the christmas night, you get more elaborate houses with people being awake and moving around and shit.

[–]StabbyDMcStabberson 30 points31 points  (4 children)

Get 100% completion in Santa mode to unlock Krampus mode.

[–]William_UK 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Ha! It's 2018, more like Get the Krampus DLC if you pre-order the gold edition or buy it for only £9.99

[–]champ999 5 points6 points  (2 children)

The game starts in Asia in small apartments, progresses to Europe with slightly larger homes, moves to the U.S. with larger and more varied home types, with the endgame in Hollywood with ridiculous mansions.

[–]Cresent_dragonwagon 14 points15 points  (3 children)

And name it NP(North Pole) Noire?

[–]rumilb 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Red Sled Redemption

[–]wasabi1787 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Throw some base building in there - gotta build toy factories, hire (breed? spawn? summon?) elves, develop logistics for receiving letters....

[–]PlantedDerp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So basically Santa Claus meets Hello Neighbor

[–]themojorising 23 points24 points  (4 children)

As long as you could go all Krampus on those on the naughty list

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I would play the fucking shit out of it.

[–]ShawshankException 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Assassin's Creed: Ornaments

[–]otterfish 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Basically 3d paperboy.

[–]5k1895 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I honestly can't believe that isn't a thing already. I'd totally buy it.

[–]soup2nuts 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Assassin's Claus

[–]disco_turkey 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ho ho holy shit a cliff!

[–]thinkthentype 4425 points4426 points  (98 children)

It’s the Apollo DLC

[–]necromundus 1275 points1276 points  (40 children)

Apollo's Creed? Sounds like a boxing game.

[–]Pcatalan 316 points317 points  (26 children)

Apollo's Creed. Sounds like a religious thing.

[–]Adamba17 143 points144 points  (14 children)

Apollo's Creed, heh. It sounds like hhhe..it sahh...hhe..isiss hhmm...hhh..its ahhh...Haha....nnnggg...hhh..hmmm...hmmmm...ahem....hhh...h ... .... hhh...

[–]TreeBeef 95 points96 points  (11 children)

Anyone else smell burnt toast?

[–]EmuFighter 35 points36 points  (6 children)

Yes, but the new toaster is a lot hotter than the old one.

[–]Nieios 17 points18 points  (5 children)

Just microwave it

[–]zanthius 11 points12 points  (1 child)

off to olive garden? got it.

[–]Kanegawa 3 points4 points  (0 children)

But Obama will know...

[–]ItsOver420 9 points10 points  (2 children)

That's not smoke, it's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we'll be having

[–]I_am_a_Sad_Fish 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I thought you were great in Thor Ragnarok, Mr. Goldblum.

[–]Undercoverexmo 20 points21 points  (9 children)

Apollo’s Creed? Sounds like a space thing.

[–]bossofthesea123 21 points22 points  (8 children)

Apollo's Creed? Sounds like a Greek mythology thing.

[–]SpareiChan 14 points15 points  (7 children)

Apollo's Creed? Sounds like a Geek Methodology thing.

[–]Skoot99 9 points10 points  (5 children)

Apollo's Creed? Sounds like a Greek Methodist Church thing.

[–]alzirrizla 21 points22 points  (3 children)

no no thats Apoll's Steed....

[–]radyody 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Atoll’s Speed. Sounds like a drug thing...

[–]Koraxtheghoul 58 points59 points  (1 child)

This is a Helios house. GET OUT!

[–]KeybladeSpirit 13 points14 points  (0 children)

But Apollo's chariot is what Helios uses to cross the sky.

[–]soulday 128 points129 points  (16 children)

Chariot of the gods I see...

Does it comes in lootboxes?

[–]C_Robicus 32 points33 points  (3 children)

Finally the Assassin's Creed/God of War crossover we've been waiting for!

[–]HunterCubone 47 points48 points  (4 children)

No, its Bayek's Noble Phantasm

[–]cassius1213 15 points16 points  (0 children)

An anti-personnel type Noble Phantasm; how unfortunate...

[–]I_ama_homosapien_AMA 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Bayek does look a lot like Iscandar in this gif.

[–]GagagaGunman 26 points27 points  (1 child)

/r/smite Apollo with the ultimate!

[–]Nobleknight747 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There are dozens of us!

[–]brenno-hippie 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Egyptian santa

[–]chelseafc13 13 points14 points  (10 children)

Helios, not Apollo drives the chariot of the sun

[–]CaptainJuucie 1437 points1438 points  (20 children)


[–]JustANewbLurking 112 points113 points  (5 children)

My altitude has doubled since we last met

[–]son_of_noah 69 points70 points  (4 children)

Good. Twice the ascension. Double the fall.

[–]herzelied 15 points16 points  (0 children)


[–]BodyBagIslander 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is getting out of hand, now there are two of them!

[–]-ImJustSaiyan- 40 points41 points  (0 children)

I'll try spinning, that's a good trick.

[–]Don-Fluffels 26 points27 points  (1 child)

Hello there...

[–]CurvedSolid 14 points15 points  (0 children)


[–]kopecs 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Twice the lift, double the fall

[–]elzeus 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Its working... Its working!

[–]ConanTheLeader 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Hot damn. I am trying not to laugh in the staff toilets.

[–]DemonKysho 2115 points2116 points  (41 children)

If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 miles per hour...

you're gonna see some serious shit.

[–]el_penultimo 395 points396 points  (4 children)

Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads.

[–]rayge_kwit 58 points59 points  (3 children)

I mean, we'll still be able to see them under us, but we won't need them.

[–]ThatITguy2015 11 points12 points  (2 children)

God help us. Nowhere will be safe from the old people. Sittin’ in your fifth floor office, just chillin’? HERE’SSSS GRANDPA!

[–]UnitConvertBot 201 points202 points  (25 children)

I've found a value to convert:

  • 88.0mp/h is equal to 141.62km/h

[–]Sa1uk 153 points154 points  (10 children)

Doesn't really have the same ring to it.

[–]yousonuva 52 points53 points  (9 children)

The ring must be destroyed.

[–]SpellsThatWrong 17 points18 points  (5 children)

One ring to it to rule them all

[–]LokiShinigami 10 points11 points  (4 children)


[Smites Bridge]

[–]TheTekknician 5 points6 points  (2 children)

You destroyed the rainbow bridge!

[–]Faunt_ 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Great now I'm last again

[–]bionix90 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Listen up, Legoland. I don't hail from the Kingdom of Jondor!

[–]dasonicboom 56 points57 points  (8 children)

Wow 88mph is much faster than I thought it was

[–]HunterCubone 40 points41 points  (7 children)

I never realized it was 88 actual MILES per hour when i saw the movie as a kid, even though i kept hearing it over and over again i never stopped to think that mph is not the same as kmph.

so always thought it was 'logical' the car was going kinda slow (relative to how crazy time travel is) because it was the 80's so cars did not have the potency they have today, or so was my thought process lol.

[–]GrilledCheezzy 37 points38 points  (0 children)

ITT euros are as clueless about mph as muricans are about kmph

[–]segagaga[🍰] 12 points13 points  (4 children)

If anything, 80s cars are more powerful before the 90s pollution regulations slowed and safety them.

[–]bucolucas 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Fuel injection makes up for a lot. A 30 mpg car is much more powerful now than it was back then.

[–]bmaverick24 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Sorry but the clean air act of 1970 and the OPEC oil crisis in 1973 led to the death of the muscle car and subsequent watering down of horsepower of mid-late 70's through late 80's vehicles. After the fall of the soviet union and a general downtrend in gas prices, horsepower started to really pick back up in vehicles.

[–]popegonzo 4 points5 points  (1 child)

As soon as it took off, the Back to the Future theme popped into my head. Beautiful.

[–]Kentuckianquitter 303 points304 points  (3 children)

Those are North Pole horses

[–]suugakusha 40 points41 points  (2 children)

You mean reindeer?

[–]Urdus 31 points32 points  (1 child)

No grandma, I don't mean rain, I mean North Pole horses. Are you even paying attention?

[–]Lenxecan 284 points285 points  (10 children)

You joined the Wild Hunt. Duh.

[–]Urdus 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Yeah that makes this seem way cooler.

[–]flamingboard 7 points8 points  (7 children)

Let me get my motorcycle.

[–]KnightOfAshes 8 points9 points  (5 children)

Who downvotes a perfectly good Dresden reference?

[–]pm_me_your_ide 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's always interesting to see a Dresden reference in the wild.

[–]SemiFormalJesus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

They already mentioned Santa.

[–]TheAiry 691 points692 points  (35 children)

Is that a bug or feature? Edit: I'm referencing a incident with Bethesda, stop wondering if I'm serious

[–]D_k3rs 828 points829 points  (5 children)


[–]ironmanmk42 33 points34 points  (3 children)

It's either a bugged feature or a featured bug

[–]Vacuophile 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Bug trackers really should have a rating system.

[–]JOEKR12 27 points28 points  (5 children)

It’s a matter of perspective

[–]Cyathene 16 points17 points  (6 children)

ubisoft always have the best bugs

[–]Spartn90 20 points21 points  (3 children)

After you buy the bugs and glitches DLC

[–]TheWebDoc 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Isn't that EA?

[–]frossenkjerte 11 points12 points  (1 child)

No, it's Bethesda.

[–]TheLiqourCaptain 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No, Bethesda isn't riddled with microtransactions they include the bugs for free.

[–]S3b45714N 340 points341 points  (31 children)

What happened when you dismounted?

[–]carlosreptar[S] 830 points831 points  (29 children)

I rode around like that for awhile till I got bored and when I dismounted I stayed up in the air for a good two seconds before I plummeted to my death.

[–]Genlsis 256 points257 points  (22 children)

Shoulda headed for the pyramids and skipped that annoying climb.

[–]TheWorldisFullofWar 180 points181 points  (18 children)

I liked the climb. Only part of the game that resembles the old games climbing.

[–]ndjs22 209 points210 points  (6 children)

One of the things that I noticed was really different. Very little time spent trying to figure out how to get to the top of stuff in Origins.

It's nice saving time, but I just don't get that same sense of pride and accomplishmentTM

[–]l4dlouis 39 points40 points  (3 children)

I’m glad I’m not the only one, other games could be a pain sometimes but this one is easy to climb up tall shit

[–]ndjs22 58 points59 points  (2 children)

Seriously. Looks like a regular wall with no handholds anywhere? Eh, just run at it and up goes Bayek.

[–]PotassiumPomegranate 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Except those random walls where he does in fact have to run at the wall 2 feet to the left.

[–]Genlsis 106 points107 points  (3 children)

Meh, climbing those first cathedrals in AC1 was awesome because you were trying to find handholds and routes up buildings. Thai climb was essentially looking for very obvious cracks on a giant plane of stone with no interesting features beyond the cracks themselves.

[–]raffsrulz 41 points42 points  (2 children)

Sooo, you're saying you loved climbing the Santa Maria Del Fiore church in AC2?

[–]-Tasogare- 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Il Duomo was my favorite

[–]bb999 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yes, and I was hoping the pyramid tombs would have something on a similar scale. The one place way out in the desert in the south is probably the closest.

[–]Kakarot_faps 24 points25 points  (5 children)

The lighthouse in Alexandria felt very AC2 as well. You can also do rooftops in the cities - though it looks a lot different

[–]CollinsCouldveDucked 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Seems fine to me, I assume the horses didn't look down when they went off the ledge.

Wile E. Coyote could learn a lot from them.

[–]TangoMike22 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Just like the Coyote chasing Roadrunner. You run off a cliff and gravity doesn't work until you (the character) notice it.

[–]Capernics_ 252 points253 points  (0 children)

The pioneers used to fly these things for miles.

[–]Ryanimaniac 163 points164 points  (5 children)

Ghost Riders in the Sky

[–]cinnapear 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Came for this. Left satisfied.

[–]sother2 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Yippie ai oooooooh

Yippie ai ayyayyyayy

[–]Bar_Sinister 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Came for this too. Surprised to find it so low. But satisfied.

[–]Triptolemu5 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Surprised to find it so low.

It's an old reference, but it checks out.

[–]Threeknucklesdeeper 73 points74 points  (0 children)

On dasher, on dancer...

[–]Omega5632 58 points59 points  (4 children)

Did you at least deliver presents to the good boys and girls of Egypt or just death to your enemies?

[–]Nop277 44 points45 points  (2 children)

There was a mix up, presents we're delivered to the enemies and death to the good boys and girls.

[–]UncannyLucky 100 points101 points  (7 children)

Your Rider, from the Fate series.

[–]EmeraldKnight92 55 points56 points  (0 children)

I'm disappointed that I had to scroll this far down to find this reference.

[–]Mardak5150 42 points43 points  (2 children)

Iskandar, King of Conquerers and his Noble Phantasm the Gordius Wheel!

[–]bassdelux15 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I was hoping someone would mention this. I was not disappointed

[–]Daedalus423 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I'm the same as all the other Fate watchers. First thing I thought of with this

[–]Scyros 38 points39 points  (0 children)

When you reach the end of a skill tree

[–]sankaita 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I can show you the world Shining, shimmering splendid Tell me, princess, now when did You last let your heart decide!

[–]saucelesskebab 22 points23 points  (0 children)

FREE santa DLC and yet you still fucking complain.

Companies just can't win these days.

[–]Flyfires1 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Anubis is calling for you.

[–]gzebroski 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Haven't you read Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy? Your horses forgot to fall.

[–]brathor 31 points32 points  (1 child)

Obviously an Animus glitch, just like all the others.

[–]GoliathTCB 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This guy doesn't break immersion until the DVD release.

[–]SkeletornCW 44 points45 points  (5 children)

What game is that?

[–]carlosreptar[S] 42 points43 points  (1 child)

Assassins Creed: Origins

[–]dd179 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Assassin's Creed: Apollo's Boogaloo

[–]distrbed10000 118 points119 points  (11 children)

You have ascended to become hermes

[–]thinkthentype 143 points144 points  (9 children)

Psst. Apollo

[–]Welpimoutofideas 100 points101 points  (7 children)

Helios actually with the sun and chariot and what now.

[–]ZarquonsFlatTire 72 points73 points  (3 children)

Really depends on your pantheon.

[–]precursor94 177 points178 points  (1 child)

Did you just assume my pantheon?

[–]PaleolithicMahan 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Single best quote ive ever seen

[–]FamousJ6 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm more of a Braum player, myself.

[–]thinkthentype 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Well shit you’re right. Shitty Apollo’s chariot not being an actual thing inn the mythology

[–]greenmask 11 points12 points  (0 children)


[–]MonkheyBoy 13 points14 points  (1 child)

I can show you the world

[–]solarserpent 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Fire Mares?

[–]Toshiba1point0 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I can’t get that image out of my Krull

[–]HolycommentMattman 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's what I was looking for. The Krill reference.

Those horses could've flown anywhere. So they dropped them off at the bottom of the giant fortress.

[–]Vizaroy 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Everything is permitted.

[–]SMC_69 12 points13 points  (0 children)


[–]YeOldeDonkeyKong 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Chitty Chitty Neigh Neigh

[–]DrowSmurf 18 points19 points  (0 children)


[–]Mr4wdtrd 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That’s the Santa Claus mod

[–]HarrarLongberry 7 points8 points  (1 child)

You appear to require 3 more horsemen to bring about the apocolype

[–]Dracos125 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Grant theft Olympus.

[–]boomdew 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Have you never seen Krull. Some horses are so fast they can fly. https://youtu.be/3wJY4bd_M-w

[–]Danksir6yu 19 points20 points  (1 child)

physics were still in early access for Ancient Egypt. Only countries who bought the season pass had the full physics DLC.

[–]s_klogw 5 points6 points  (1 child)

One does not simply ride into Mordor...

Actually you probably could

[–]kornonthepob 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Always...... Be together........

What game is this btw?

[–]Themetalsoldier 3 points4 points  (1 child)

The original Chariot of the Gods...

[–]Loui2 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Whats the possible logic for this in terms of programming? Does the game assume that gravity isn't needed because it's on "land"?

[–]AnEmuCat 17 points18 points  (1 child)

You can't just apply normal physics to the cart because its footprint is too big and the ground isn't flat so it would look weird, and it's supposed to move differently from most other objects on the game, and maybe there were problems with getting caught on things. It looks like what they did instead was have it track the ground in front of it and tilt up and down to follow ground curvature, but upon encountering an unexpected cliff the behavior just fails leaving you traveling forward at the same angle indefinitely.

[–]Siniroth 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Cliff face was probably either too steep to trigger the change, or because it was so steep it got processed as 'this is a random object in the road so ignore it' and without any other data it never picks up on your airborneness