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Posted byKing Pineapple1 year ago
ArchivedStickied postModerator of r/KnightsOfPineapple

Hello new knights,

Whether you were called here by God himself or just linked from the TIL thread, enjoy yourselves, eat pizza, get a flair, get the word out. Or don't. It's your choice really.

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Hello my glorious golden fruit loving friends. I had the opportunity to work at a grocery store produce section for 2 years doing nothing but cutting fruit chunks for fruit bowls, cups, and trays. Ive cuts thousands of pineapples. Slices, chunks, strips, you name it. Over those two years I found every sign of a beautiful, perfect pineapple. I figured I would share. They are listed most important to least important. DISCLAIMER: these are just my opinions! Everything listed here is just from experience and nothing else. Please correct me if I’m wrong.

  1. Look for a pineapple with PINK near the bottom. This is the biggest sign that the fruit is golden juicy and delicious inside. It will just be a slight pink along the lines, so pick them up and look closely! The darker/more pink you see the better it is.
  2. Look for pink on the top of the pineapple. When I say top, I’m talking about the small tiny leaves right between the green leaves on top and the actual pineapple. They are usually yellow or a sort of tan corn husk looking color. But if you can find a pineapple with pink ones, you are in luck.
  3. SMELL THAT MOTHER FUCKA. Pick it up. Flip it over. And smell. If the bottom of it smells sweet and fruity like a pineapple, it’s a good’n.
  4. A slight give when you press it. Not like a large noticeable one, but just slight give.
  5. We are lookin for GOLDEN YELLOW. NOT GOLDEN BROWN. As tempting as they may look, don’t buy a pineapple that has any brown on it. And learn the difference between a good yellow one and a brown one! The brown ones are over ripe, and the eyes (little brown spots when you cut the skin off) are much deeper leaving less fruit to eat, and more to cut off. Plus it might be rotten or brown inside. (yuck)
  6. Look for ones with a large, healthy looking green head of hair. If the leaves are brown or wilted, it means the pineapple isn’t as healthy.

That’s about all I can think of right now. I hope it helps someone find the best pineapple they’ve ever had.

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