/r/NeckbeardNests is an open and friendly community for people with dirty or unsanitary rooms. However, sometimes an extremely unsanitary room can be a sign of something more serious.
A hoarding disorder is where someone acquires an excessive number of items and stores them in a chaotic manner. The items can be of little or no monetary value and usually result in unmanageable amounts of clutter.
If your clutter is interfering with everyday living or negatively effecting your or your family's quality of life, it may be time to seek help. We strongly urge you to seek help if you are negatively effected by your nest. The following links can be good starting places for this.
You can seek help locally by talking to your doctor or looking for local support groups.
Nevertheless, please keep sharing your healthy nests with us, Neckbeards! That's what we're here for.
Please comment other links to get help or personal guidance in this thread.
My room was an absolute nightmare about a week ago. There was garbage flanking both sides of my bed piled up to the edge of the bed. Dirty dishes were stacked on my dresser and night stand. Bottles of slowly molding dip spit were strewn haphazardly around the room. Trash bags from previous attempts to clean it that I never worked up the motivation to take out cluttered the entry way. This Sunday I cleaned it all. It took about 5 hours and and a lot of Last Podcast on the Left to get through it, but I did it, and let me tell you, it was one of the most cathartic things I've ever done. The sense of accomplishment I felt when it was done and the fact that I could finally walk around without nearly slipping on a water bottle and breaking my neck was amazing. Ever since then, I've noticed that I feel more motivated in general. I'm starting to get into habits that arent self destructive and I hope I can keep that going. The state of your living space really is a representation of your state of mind and once your living space is clear, most of the time, your state of mind follows suit. Anyway, I just want to thank this community. Seeing that I'm not the only one to go through this and seeing your incredible before/after pics really motivated me to do something about my room. This sub is so incredibly supportive and encouraging and its kind of a rare and beautiful thing to see on Reddit. Thank you, and I hope that anyone with a depression nest reading this can work up the willpower to do something about it.
Before I get into this long, rambly thing, I wanted to say I'm not trying to point fingers, make people feel guilty, or convince anyone of anything. I'm also not trying to imply that I'm a professional, know more than anyone else on this matter, that there is a "right" or "wrong" way to see these situations, or that I'm on some moral high ground here. This is simply my personal opinion, experience, and perspective, but I hope it helps someone in some way.
Throughout the time I've been frequenting this sub, I see a few recurring thoughts and opinions I'd like to share some feelings on and speak about. I'm a woman in my 20s, living in the US, I've had major depressive disorder with suicidal ideation since I was around 13, and I'm still in treatment for it and on meds for it. It is a consistent problem of mine and it's miserable. For almost my entire life, I lived in filth. Rotten food, no clean clothes, trash everywhere, just misery. In the last 5 years, with the help of a very loving and supportive boyfriend, I've begun to live in a clean, comfortable, stable space. I'm still horribly depressed, but I've found enough motivation to have a routine, and my good days are much happier than they used to be. It took a long time, a lot of help and guidance, and just as much effort on my part.
With that, here's the more important stuff. How did I get this way? Depression is sort of all encompassing, overwhelming, and becomes larger than life itself. In most ways, I was not me, I was my depression. This is because depression is not just a "mental illness", it's just as much a physical one. I had been absorbed by my depression, and it's not something I "allowed" to happen, not something I had any choice in, etc. It just happens, and that's it. Then it has to be treated. (For some, there are other contributing factors, but the reality of it is this isn't just a situation people find themselves in, this is a sickness people can't prevent or "stave off")
Isn't this just being lazy? Why didn't I do something about it earlier? In a way, it may be seen as laziness, but realistically it's the depression controlling that aspect of life. I was told many, many, many times by people who didn't want to try to understand that I was being "lazy" and just needed to get up and do something about it. This is easy to say when that person is unable to see depression suffocating someone. The only thing this did for me was make me feel more useless, more worthless, and less and less like I mattered. Every single time I tried to stand up and do something, depression was right there to pull me back under and weigh me down. It's overpowering. When it was this severe, it was literally impossible for me to handle it alone. Please consider this. "Nothing was done about it earlier" because I had been trying so hard, with every ounce of energy depression had left me, and it amounted to nothing.
Because of depressions' overpowering nature, I didn't care. Every day I woke up, it was misery. This isn't the defiant, rebellious "I don't care" attitude. This is emptiness. This is not caring about myself or my life due to an actual inability to do so. I wanted to die and tried many times to end it, I just wanted to be gone forever. I didn't matter, and when I was feeling that way, there was absolutely no point. Not only did I not have the energy or ability, but I figured if I was so useless, it didn't matter if I cleaned or cared for myself physically. This wasn't something a pep talk could fix.
With all this perspective, I also wanted to give a warning. If it's seriously affecting your health to help a person who was in the situation I was, please take care of yourself. You can be supportive while also needing to protect your own health, it is a fine line, and it's important to recognize your boundaries and limitations in these friendships or relationships.
At the same time, be aware that "cutting these people off" or allowing them to fend only for themselves without any support at all can be a death sentence. I can safely say if my parents had cut me off or kicked me out when I was 18-20 years old, i absolutely would have killed myself. Not out of some type of anger or punishment to anyone, but because the place I was in mentally was so fragile, any support that was keeping me around was only holding me by a thread.
To close, I want to say everyone's situation is different. Every person needs to be handled differently. There is no cure all, no one way to help someone, and any situation as delicate as this needs to be dealt with on a case by case basis. But as with any illness, should be handled very carefully. It's stressful for everyone, and I want to give a huge "thank you" to anyone who helps someone who is ill. It's painful, difficult, and often thankless, and your strength and support is no doubt helpful to whoever you're there for.
And to those who are in the position I was, it is so slow, and requires slipping up. It feels like one step forward, two steps back, but there is progress. If there's anything you can do at all, it's reaching out. Almost no one can get through a place that low alone, and you will find someone out there who can help support you through that. The best steps I started taking was a routine, even one healthier step in a routine is a good one.
I really hope this is helpful to someone, I'm sorry most of it was just rambling, but this has been gnawing at me for some time and I know many people on this sub have depression, anxiety, or another mental illness, so I wanted to share my experience.
Thank you for reading.
I have a brother who, after looking through this sub, is very much a neck beard. Are there any tips on helping him, or at least being supportive? I dont want to make him feel bad, i dont want to ruin our relationship by only harping on him about the status of his room/gaming area, or about washing his clothes. When i helped him clean out his old apartment, it took hours and hours. i cant tell you how many bags of Dr. pepper cans we pulled out of there, or boxes of pizza. Minimum 30 huge black trash bags after they were crushed. He lives with my other sibling now and seems so much happier, losing weight, eating healthier, etc. However, i see him slipping back into where he was a year ago. He is secluding himself, his area is a mess, the old food and pop cans are starting to pile up. He also has stated that he doesn't think he will ever need to get another job. My other siblings and i are supporting him financially, but i worry about enabling him. What are somethings not to say or do? I want to be supportive, but also maintain our sibling relationship. I want to empower him to do better, but i dont want to bug him too much. I don't mind paying for some of his bills every month as long as he was working or improving himself in any way possible. He really would do the same in a second if he were able and i needed it. He is one of the kindest people i know, funny, and would easily give you anything you needed, i just dont want to lose him to this again. In your experience, what were some things that made you feel bad when a family member/friend helped? what were some things that worked? If this was the wrong place to post, i apologize. I just feel the best point of views on this are people who struggle/are still struggling with this.