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(warning: long post)

On Thursday, we had to put Zoe, our 13-year-old Maltese/Yorkie mix, to sleep. I was 8 years old when we adopted her from a woman at my school. Her Maltese accidentally got pregnant by the babysitter's dog, and now she had three puppies she couldn't afford to keep. We first met her as two-pound blonde and black puppy named Isabella. For weeks we arranged secret meetings in the school parking lot to check up on the puppies as they grew. I counted down the days where we could finally take Isabella home with us. When the day finally arrived, I was so excited I woke my mom up at 6 a.m. She sat on towel on my lap the whole way home.

First order of business, we decided she was a Zoe, not an Isabella. This name lead to a string of nicknames, each of which she'd respond to- Zozo, Joey, Jojo, Momo, Mojo Jojo, Zozita. Second order of business was dealing with onslaught of pee that came in her first few months. She was excited about everything, and whenever she got excited, she'd inevitably leak a little pee on our carpet. No one was ever able to stay mad at her for long. She loved everyone, and had a charming little underbite smile that could make everyone forget their anger in a minute.

Over the next 13 years, Zoe grew up with me- though she never made it past 9 pounds. She was there on every up north vacation. She frequently joined us on trips to grandma's house, or rides around town. She was a welcome guest at every major family event. Zoe was usually the first to greet me when I came home from school. She was there to comfort me during all my childhood colds, after my first heartbreak, after my car accident, after every failed exam. At my graduation party, she was there- weaving around people's ankles, trying to eat the scraps off the garage floor. When I packed up and left for college, she tried to climb in the car next to me. And every time I came home, she jumped around, wagged her tail, and "danced" like she was a puppy again.

I was home from college the weekend before she died. My parents were out of town and wanted me to watch her. She was clearly getting older. Her eyes looked cloudy, and her skin was covered in bumps. Her arthritis made it hard for her to jump up on the couch. But, I never would have guessed this was the end. Sure, 13 was old, but I had seen small dogs live past 15. Besides, she was still jumping around like she did as a puppy. I had no idea this would be the last time I'd see her. Just four days later, I heard the news that her health had deteriorated almost overnight. It looked like bowel cancer. The tumor was almost completely obstructing her intestines, and she was not in good enough shape for surgery. She was unable to eat or sleep, and in a lot of pain. My parents called me and told me to come back downstate quick to say my goodbyes, since she probably wouldn't make it through the night. I left work almost immediately, and drove like a madwomen to make it to the vet's office before closing. I made it just in time to say goodbye. I stroked her head, and told her that I loved her. So many people loved her. I really hope she knew that. Her head was laying on my arm when she died. I closed her eyes and kissed her goodbye.

Watching someone you love die isn't easy, even if you know it's the right thing. I can't help but feel "pathetic" for being so upset over the death of a dog. Even though I know she was a part of the family, and a huge part of my childhood, I feel like I should just "get over it". It's just shitty. She was nothing but loving, loyal, and enthusiastic. She never got much bigger than a puppy. She didn't know what was going on. Something about it just feels so wrong. It just doesn't seem fair that some of the shittiest people can live for 90+ years, but the best dog will get to 13 if they're lucky.

If you have your pets around, please give them an extra treat for me, in honor of Zoe. If there was one thing she loved on this Earth, it was treats.

Here she is, sitting on her favorite chair on her last birthday: https://imgur.com/a/wp2LPC2. I love her so much. I couldn't have asked for a better childhood pet. Good luck in the afterlife, buddy.

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Oreo. http://imgur.com/gallery/Vnaaqrg

I got him from the street. He was trying to scale up a wall when I saw him and it was raining . I know I was stupid to actually bring him home from that place , he might have had his mother looking for him in the first place . I couldn't stand that kitten getting wet in the rain and falling continuously after he tries to scale the wall.

After I got him home Granny was hostile towards the idea of having a cat,But I told her that I was going to keep him no matter what. After a big argument she agreed. Then began my life with my boy Oreo (my cousin wanted to name him Oreo,but he wouldn't listen to the name "Oreo".Granny just called him "Pussy" and he came running.

Well what do you know 8 months passed of him lying with me on my bed , peeing and defeacating on my bed ,I scolded him at times but he would just look at me like nothing happened, how can I stay mad at him with his cute face ? How ? , I loved the way when it was raining he would jump onto my lap and just curl up and sleep. It was calming for me . Stroking him , him purring I loved every moment of it.

It is as they say cats are small furry therapists that makes you forget all the troubles you have , when I saw my cat whenever crap went crazy it would calm me down.

Oh he didn't like people tickling his belly (mind you he had a big one at that) He would funny noises when people touched his belly.

As many say , he was a shoulder cat, he would just try and get on my shoulder as soon as I picked him up.

4 weeks ago he was diagnosed with Anemia, after about a week he got better.

Then not a week completely was gone he got sick again (the symptoms were all present such as tiredness,loss of appetite and so on)

I read online that some cats needed blood transfusion in the case of severe anemia .

But my vet couldn't do it , he didn't have the facilities to do it as well and also he didn't mention it .

I'm not blaming the vet for anything or anyone at that matter.

The vet gave medicines for indigestion because he wasn't urinating or defeacating after he got sick again .

Wouldn't eat I tried feeding him milk but he'd just let it drip from his mouth

After almost 3 days and today he died early morning.

It was about 5 when I found him it had been almost 2 hours since he was dead I guess because the heat from his body was still present.

Never have I ever been this heart broken after rejection from my girlfriend. And now here we are , I'm empty as space, can't get myself to do anything .

To anyone who has lost their pet . I know how it feels. We can't change it . We can only move on and if your heart allows it get a new pet.

My best wishes to all those who are reading this and to all those who have lost their beloved pets.

Until we meet again . This is goodbye my boy.

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she's very sick. she been undiagnosed with IBD and we finally caught it / got the medication but after 12 years , she can't fight it. I feel like I could of taken much better care of her. Like groomed her more often, brought her to a better vet (or more vet visits), and just did those extra steps for her. 12 years still feels young for me. I love her deeply and I know this is the best decision but my life will be so empty without her. I have no idea how I will handle tomorrow or the follow days to come.
She's outside right now, refusing to eat/drink and doesn't want to be touch. I want to be near her but I can tell she wants to be left alone. That really pains me because I don't want to be inside cleaning or watching Netflix while my cat is suffering outside.
I don't know. I feel like I'm being really selfish and I've been selfish the whole time she's been with me. I love her so much , I just hope she knows that. It doesn't matter if she never loved me and just thought of me as a food giver or whatever. I hope she knows I really cared for her.
Thanks for reading

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Hi all. Over the last couple weeks, I have taken my cat into 2 different vets because she has become very lethargic, and hasn't eaten much at all. The first, told me she was constipated, well that was garbage. Took her for a second opinion and bloodwork. The vet said we are in 'supportive care' mode for her.

The bloodwork shows that she has hyperthyroid, imbalanced kidney enzymes, and anemia. She also hasnt been drinking much of any water lately either. She has had 3 IV fluid treatments, the last being this past Friday. I had taken this weekend to spend some time with her, and say my goodbyes, and set the appointment for Wednesday.

I'll be goddamned if she didn't start eating some wet food offerings I have been giving. It started making me second guess things. Fact is, she has still been pretty lethargic, her heart is absolutely racing all the time. I think it's time to let her go. She has always been very healthy, and since she isn't eating anything I can't imagine how she would get treatment.

She's 16 and a half, and common sense tells me she had a good cat life, and she will be at peace. Am I wrong in jumping to this conclusion? I dont want her to suffer, or have to go through handfuls of medications to put off the inevitable 6 months. Any feedback is appreciated.

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April was the best dog I could ask for. Always by my side, playful, never did anything wrong. She was 14 and a black lab mutt, the cysts were a problem for months but we finally gave her relief today. Never experienced such a deep feeling of loss before. Rest In Peace sweetheart. April

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My grandmothers dog who I grew up with and loved a lot recently, a Pomeranian, died at the age of 14. I didn't get to say goodbye to him as I was away at school, and I feel so guilty that he perhaps forgot me in the 2-3 months I didn't get to see him. I went to their house to get some "closure", and though I know he is no longer in pain, I am also so lost and confused in realizing I'll never see him again. This was my first loss of a family member and I don't know what to feel.

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My cat Kevin died on 12-12-2015 and putting him down was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I miss him everyday. Last night I dreamed about him. We were playing, like we used to. Chasing a string, smacking it about. He looked so happy again. He always looked like he was smiling. He was only seven, he died of complications from FeLV. Nobody ever said life was fair but it seem particularly shitty for it to have been so unfair to him. He deserved more. He deserved better. I miss my boy so much.

https://i.imgur.com/6AfxBs4.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/moRmzPZ.jpg

This was always my favorite picture of him: https://i.imgur.com/Ey7dZX5.jpg

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So, my cat died in my apartment in an accident unfortunately gruesomely and unfortunately there was a delay in my finding out. I wish I could say more and explain myself, but I don't want to scare or gross any animal lover out, but it's really affecting me. I'm staying at a friend's house. I don't know how I could go back and live in that apartment. I miss her so much and I feel guilty for her accident. She would greet me when I came home every day and make cute little trills whenever she would move. I miss the way she would kneed my blanket before laying down next to me. I'm trying to remember all the amazing things about her life instead of the traumatic way she died, but it's very hard. I keep playing the moment I found out over and over again in my head for some reason. If anyone has some experience with a traumatizing death, it would help to have someone to talk to. Even if there's not really anyone to talk to, writing this out helps me remember how much I loved her and I think love can heal this.

Rest in peace my little girl.

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My old man Marvin was put down today. I stayed with him. Tomorrow my Mom and I are going on a trip, and he decided it was time...he wanted to go out with his family by his side. My Dad and brother weren't there to see him off.

I lost my Beebo 2 months ago, and my sweet fishie 3 months ago. We have lost over 10 pets now in the last 3 years and it's killing me. I miss my big old man so much, he was so fucking funny goddamnit.

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I've been crying all day and shouting at myself. I feel like I just watched while they killed my best friend without a fight. She was an older cat (21), yes, but she had already been through so much and bounced back from worse. 4 years going on I had been treating her for hyperthyroidism, but she'd been doing fine for that. Her weight was getting pretty low and nothing I could do could really help it, although it was always a rollercoaster ever since her thyroid issues.

She crashed a few times in the past year which the vet said was progressing kidney failure combined with an infection, but every time they'd give her a steroid shot, I'd give her some IV fluids and syringe feed her at home, and she'd bounce back after a few days. The vet mentioned the last time that her kidneys looked like they were beginning to fail, but the range was still acceptable after a blood test, he just warned that it was actually registering. He also said that she had something which was causing high white blood cells. However, he also said it could have been the infection she was currently experiencing showing abnormal levels.

Looking back, there were a few signs that she was degrading, especially some bathroom issues, but the vet chalked it up to stress related issues when I brought her in for it; he didn't think it was anything serious and recommended it would go away in a few days - which it did. Over the past few days she took a steep downturn, stopped eating and drinking, straining at the litterbox, threw up her stomach, and I took her in to the vet as soon as I could this morning when they opened. At that point she was laying on her side, not wanting to eat or drink, not wanting to do anything. It was obvious she was not feeling well and this mimicked the crashes she had the past few times. I gave her some SQ fluids and syringe fed her some food as I was experienced with doing last time a crash like this happened.

I didn't get the same vet as last time since it was a weekend. When I came in, they wanted to do a blood test like they did the past few times. Then upon return, the vet said that her results indicated an advanced level of kidney failure; she said that my kitty simply wasn't filtering out toxins any longer indicated by the blood test and a urine sample they had received in the back. The vet recommended putting her to sleep. I was in shock. This wasn't the response that I had received the last few times. I knew over the past few years that this could come at any time due to her age and conditions, but I hadn't expected it to be so sudden. Yes, she had been getting slightly worse as time went on, but she hadn't been suffering that I could tell. Three days ago she was purring at my feet and rubbing on my legs, seemingly okay.

In my shock, I just nodded through everything. I didn't even think to challenge the vet. I sat with my friend while she was put to sleep that morning. The vet hugged me and I cried into her shoulder, and then it was over. I buried her in the back yard of my house.

I know there is normally regret after something like this, but I'm going over and over in my mind the visit. I don't know why, but I never asked if there were any alternatives, if I could try to IV her overnight and see if she improved, if we could try the same antibiotic shot as last time and I could syringe feed and IV her ... I didn't even try. The tests could have been skewed because of dehydration and infection (the last vet said this can happen). I had an emergency drip bag for her that I administered the night before, which I mentioned giving her 100ml of. Maybe the vet took this into consideration and thought that additional treatments wouldn't work. The vet seemed to think that she required hospitalization before the tests but not afterwards, and the vet also said she didn't think she would make it through the night.

I was just so much in shock that I wasn't thinking. I can't help but feel that I just killed my friend when she could have bounced back like before. I know that definitely wasn't for sure and the last time it happened the vet was amazed it happened, but it could have happened again. I know that there was a risk there that she could have suffered for more before dying, but there's that part of me that thinks she could have pulled through. Was the vet just too quick to make a diagnosis? I trust vets in this place, but maybe another vet would have said something different? Tried something else? I trust the vets at this place, I've been going for years, but I also hear stories about people who reject the vet's advice and end up having the kitty survive for years after advanced kidney failure through home treatment.

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I lost my 18 year old cat on July 2 and my 12 year old St Bernard yesterday. They've been my entire world for the last 10 years when I took them in after a family crisis. I've taken each loss differently. My cat had been on borrowed time for about 6 months, so there was a lot of anticipatory grief. My dog was very sudden. She had a vet appointment last week where the vet said she had a few months left because of her worsening arthritis and weakening muscles, but the vet said she's bright and alert. "this dog is not suffering" he said. I left for a business trip a few days later. My dog went from vibrant to suffering in 3 days. My dog had a loosening soft pallette due to age and had been a heavy, raspy breather for the last few years. Hearing that stop was deafening. Leaving my dog lying on the floor in the vet yesterday was the hardest thing I've ever done.

I want another pet already. In my 33 years, I've never not had a pet. I have more trips coming up for work soon and it feels unfair to get a new animal and have to leave. I just want my house to have some life and love in it again.

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Back on Friday 13th October 2017, my cat, Billy was taken from me. He had been ill for a few days prior and was just his health was declining, I comforted him the entire time and took holiday time off of work to be there for him.

I did take him to the vet as soon as I noticed something wasn't quite right but sadly the vets weren't able to diagnose anything, he didn't look to be in pain though. We took home and let him rest on his favourite pillow.

He had stopped cleaning himself and lethargy had taken him over, he wasn't getting up to drink his water or even eat. I did try and get him to eat a little bit of tuna though by leaving a plate of it next to him in case he wanted any along with a bowl of water.

A few days later I noticed that he had rapidly lost weight and wasn't able to hold himself up anymore, his hind legs had lost a LOT of muscle. At this point I phoned the vet, she came over and told us that we could either have him put down. We decided that it was the best option for both him and us. The vet however had to go back to the office in order to get the drugs.

By the time she had gotten back to us, he had already passed away. He looked like he was running, he was lay down on his side on the pillow and was moving both his front and back legs in a way which made it look as if he saw something, as if he was happy to see whatever he was running towards.

I believe he saw our previous cat, Rosie, who was a kitten and almost like a little sister to him. They were best friends and were inseperable. She died back in 2010 after being run over by a car, back then he waited for days for her to come back home, only to realise that she wasn't going to.

Do you guys think it could be possible that he himself saw his best friend and was running to see her? I like to think that's what he saw since it's quite comforting to me to at least know they're back together.

I also know its been nearly entire year since he passed away but I'm still struggling to accept that he truly is gone, It's like a part of me went with him. I feel lonely without him. We still have Sox, his mother, who is the last of our three cats to still be with us and I love her so much but even she seems to be struggling.

If anyone has any ideas on how to comfort her then it would be greatly appreciated, how did you guys get through losing your pet? Right now I don't think I'm ever going to be able to get through this.

Also I'm sorry for my bad english, it isn't my strongest language.

Here are some photos of him

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http://www.wombat-dingbat.com/looking-for-empathy/

Some people just do not understand the love we have for our furry family members. What can you say to them?

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when i was younger, i had a little girl named sadie. she was old, and she died at age 13. can anyone please help me get over this? i still cry about her to this day, all i have left of her is a photo and a plush that i named after her. i just need help to stop crying about her so much.

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Hey,

Few years back I have lost my pet and I was in depression for about a month. Later I saw this issue with many others like me, who feel terribly bad after their pet pass away.

I wish I could upload a sample but it's against the groups policy.

After that I came up with an idea and I made a portal where you could upload your pet picture and professional artists will convert it into a beautiful painting on canvas, which could be cherished on your wall forever.

Thank you

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Today was a very tough day for both me and my girlfriend. 5 years ago we were blessed with our future fur child Babe. She became both of our emotional support animal. This day, July 20th 2018 we had to put our baby to sleep. I really don't know what to say at this point. My eyes are so raw that.. I just don't know. This is the first animal I have ever had to go through this with. She was my back bone and would comfort me in times of need. Now that she's gone we are both lost. I really need help. I feel like I'm just hollow now walking around trying to be a human being but she was our everything.

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I can’t stop crying. The final decision was left up to me and I still feel so guilty. He trusted me so much and I feel like I betrayed him. I’ve gone over to meet a friend today and everyone seems to be walking dogs in the area. I’m sitting in the car crying. Why can’t I look at someone else’s dog without getting sad? I thought I’d be able get my emotions in check by now but I feel just as bad if not worse than I did on June 20th

I want to post a picture but can I only link from another site?

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Leia, our chinchilla, was about three years old and passed unexpectedly today. We are all very shocked since we have other chinnies that lived past 17 years. She loved to popcorn, lay under her hammock, and bounce around her cage like a pinball machine. We rescued her a couple years ago from an owner that did not want to bring her with them to their new apartment. She had so much energy and was quite entertaining to watch fly around the room whenever we let her out while she teased the chinnie boys in nearby cages. May the force be with you, Leia. You will be missed greatly. <3

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Two nights ago my cat passed away of a blood clot. I was bout of town but my house sitter was with him. I had to make the decision whether to have him put down that night or to trybto keep him alive and in pain so I could see him again. I know it would have been selfish to prolong his suffering for my sake but I feel terrible that I couldn't be there. I had been looking forward to coming home to him so much, and now I will be returning to an empty apartment. He was such a kind, pure soul even with his health problems and history. He was a rescue and had contracted FIV in the streets. I loved him with all my heart and I knew this day would come but I had hoped I would have more time. I'm devastated.

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We got them last February. Two little jack russell, lab, and something else mixes. A boy and girl. The boy's name is Blue. He's very short and stubby, and yellowish white. The girl is Kona, over twice as tall as her brother and orange-brown. Very cute puppies but very mischievous dogs, always getting into trouble. Today was no different.

When they need to use the bathroom we open our door and leave it open for them to go in our yard (which is fenced in) and come back in when they are done. We had done that today, and after a little while I noticed that it was too quiet. They normally bark at passers by and they like to play noisily with each other, so I knew I had to go check on them. I frantically searched the yard but could not find them. I began to get a horrible feeling. I rushed out to the road and I saw them playing on the beach. They had somehow escaped. Our house is right across from the beach, but with a two lane highway in between. I called them, making one of the worst mistakes of my life. I should've just crossed silently and grabbed them by the collar, but I couldn't even stop to think. Kona came running straight to me. I started screaming and realized she was about to run straight into traffic. She didn't stop coming. I was right there on the edge of the road. As close as I could've been to see it all happen. She made it over one lane, but never made it past the next. A white pickup truck rolled right over her with a bump. I watched in horror as she went under the tries and saw her mangled body get thrown out from underneath. The truck just kept going on it's way. A car stopped for the other one as he came running over, and he barely made it back, outspeeding an SUV in the next lane. We carried Kona's limp body into our house. There was no blood or wounds but she was certainly dead.

I had been screaming and wailing since she was hit, my throat hoarse and my stomach queasy as hell. I cried all day. I lied down and cried until I couldn't cry anymore, then fell asleep, woke up and cried again, and then fell back asleep, woke up and cried again. Words can't express how much I miss her. Every time I was away from home even for a few hours I always found myself looking at the countless pictures and videos I took of them on my phone. I've never felt so close to a dog before. It felt like she loved me just as much as I loved her. She would always hop on my lap when I sat down somewhere, and curl up at my feet when I'm at the computer, and jump up at me and paw on my chest when I came home. Now I'll never see her again. I'll never get to watch her grow up, or give her kisses again, or play tug-of-war with her, or scratch her belly, or be able to smell her particular scent.

My heart feels like it's been shattered into a million pieces and can never again be mended. I would give anything to undo what happened today and make sure she's safe with me again but there's absolutely nothing I can do. All I can do is I'm awash with hopelessness and grief. I've never even felt this sad from a death in the family. Knowing that she's never coming back hurts me more than anything. I was due to drop off a job application today but now I don't even feel like I can muster up the emotional strength to get out of bed. It's like my world has been destroyed.

I'm sorry for the wordy post, even so, these words can't even fully express my pain or relieve me. She was only with us for about 5 months, but I will never ever forget her. You will always be in my thoughts Kona, because I could never hope to forget a dog like you.

https://imgur.com/a/l0SIZZT

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Recieved a phone call yesterday that she had passed and I wasnt able to make it. I cant express how much this fucking hurts. The love I had for her.... It wasnt so much me wanting to see her but seeing the joy on her face when she saw me before she went.

I havent experienced loss before and its destroying me.

We moved into a new place when I was 4 and this very timid black and white cat turns up keeping its distance at first. Over time it got comfortable around us. I started feeding it cereal and cheese until I convinced my mom to buy cat food. After asking around we realised she had been left by the previous owners. She decided to adopt us as its family and we named her Puss Puss. Only last year did we realise that She was actually a He but didnt seem right calling her a him so we stuck with her.

For the past 4 years I really connected with her. She started jumping on my bed going under the covers and laying on my chest every night which if you knew how timid she was, was a huge deal.

The love I had for her was much more than I had for anyone else in my family. I knew she was going to die soon because of her age but I wasnt there when she left and its fucking killing me. Ive never seen a cat that looks like her. She had the most beautiful fur. I'll upload some photos.

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It happened a few days ago. We were out in front of our house with some family and friends enjoying the summer afternoon. I had Harvey on his leash and he was doing so good. He has a tendency to be reactive and wants to herd the big trucks, but this afternoon he was so calm. He wasn't lunging after cars as they passed and was just rolling around on the grass.

I was sitting in the grass and I think he sat down behind me. I was talking to my neice when I felt the leash run through my fingers and just disappear. It happened so fast I didnt realize what was going on until the leash was gone. I turned and yelled for Harvey to stop but he just ran straight for the car that I never saw coming.

I can still see him as he went under both tires. There was no blood but he had obviously broken his back. I picked him up and my wife and I hopped in the car, rushing to the vet. Within a few minutes his tongue went white, he started having difficulty breathing and spitting up blood and then just stopped, resting his head in my bloody palm. He was gone.

It's so quiet at home now. There is less joy in the world. My wife and I don't know what to do. There is this huge hole in our lives. And I can't stop beating myself up for not gripping that leash tighter. I let him down. I couldn't protect him. He was just three years old and didn't deserve this.

Our Harvey

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I'm kind of a mess right now I know it's normal to feel a myriad of emotions, but I could really use the support. I had to put down my 12 year old Terrier mix yesterday. His chances of going back to normal were very low.

He couldn't come home since he had to be strapped to an IV. The IV was the only thing keeping him stable. And even then when I visited him he breathing was a bit labored. He recognized us and I could tell he appreciated our presence, but he looked a little lost.

I was the only one there to see him go down. My parents couldn't handle it, but I wanted to make sure he had all the love as he went. I'm a complete mess and so is the entire family.

I feel better and ok for a few hours and then I breakdown. Every time I wake up I feel intense anxiety, it's hard to walk downstairs in the morning to my grieving family. Sometimes when I'm laying down I'll let my hand down on the side of the bed and make petting motions. I'm not spiritual or anything, but in these times I'd like to imagine he's walking into the room and appreciating it.

I don't know how long it'll take to go back to normal, but I feel guilty for going back to normal. He left behind his sweet Chihuahua brother and he hasn't taken it well, but he knows. This is him for those who are curious > Spottie. He was stubborn and messy but also the sweetest. I'll miss him so much and I just wish he could comprehend how much we loved him.

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Today was a sad day, I woke up to find her covered in blood. I cleaned her up, knowing there is no reptile vets close by I just tried my best to try and diagnose the issue but I just couldn't find anything, I talked myself into thinking she must have cut her mouth chasing a locust around the tank (based on the blood spots, and the blood in her mouth).

I cleaned her up, took her in the garden to try and cheer her up, went out and bought new bedding and stuff for her to get everything nice and fresh but by the time I was back she had taken another turn. No blood this time but overly lethargic and almost unable to open her eyes. I rang around local vets but, as I already knew, they couldn't do anything for reptiles. I found 1 vet that would but it wasn't close by, and I don't own a car. Within an hour though she had gone so still that I picked her up and she immediately vomited blood again, almost like a blob of jam - not just runny blood. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't get her to the vets at any cost at this point.

By the time we left the house she was pretty much still, all she would do is occasionally open her mouth - and that was only if I picked her up, I don't think she had the strength to even lift her head at that point. She was so still I started crying at one point thinking she had already gone, but she suddenly opened her eyes. I put her in a box with one of my jumpers to keep her safe and put her in the back of my motorcycle topbox and travelled as safely as I could to the vets.

When we arrived I thought she was already gone (again), I went inside with her and told them and the vet came straight out and took her away to check her heartbeat on the machine. It was beating but it was very weak. The options at this point were to let her go naturally, or have her put to sleep. I went with the latter to ease any further suffering. I held it together until I was about the leave the vets and I just had to start crying.

I feel so guilty, I just feel so cruel that I didn't just take her to the vets first thing this morning. Not only that though I feel cruel that she lived her life in a large vivarium, rather than in the world. And I know she was bred to be a pet and there was realistically no alternative but it doesn't make me feel any better about it. I feel I should have gave her more attention, more treats, more everything. She deserved better and I let her down.

I'm sorry I let you down, I hope you know I loved you regardless. Sweet dreams.

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Autumn was such a unique cat. She had a meow for different things she demanded for us, a meow when she caught a lizard, a meow to say hello, to ask for food, to wake us up. It’s unreal she is gone now. She was only 8 years old and her health declined in a span of 24 hours. She had diabetes that the vet failed to diagnose months ago and she had gotten so sick it was too late. She could barely walk and would not eat or drink. The vet bill would have been in the thousands and she might not have even made it. That was yesterday when we decided to end her suffering. She was such a good girl and naughty too. She has left her mark on our hearts and our walls. It’s unreal to not see her at night curled up by my grandmas bed room door or to be greeted by her in the morning. Fate brought us together in 2010 when she came to use one stormy night and our life was filled with her love since then. I’ll miss you my beautiful cat, my princess, my baby girl, my Autumn

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