top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]nwsreddit 5226 points5227 points  (143 children)

I feel like we all passed a class in cow identification today.

[–]_logic-bomb_ 843 points844 points  (88 children)

In India, all cows are soon to get id cards with biometric mapped to unique numbers.

[–]4-20BlazeItMan 2346 points2347 points  (71 children)

Your mother's getting a tag?

[–]Instant_Indian 678 points679 points  (26 children)

Jesus RIP

[–]Evilux 37 points38 points  (2 children)

I'd just like to say I was here the day u/_logic-bomb_ was obliterated off this planet we call Eart

[–]vlasvilneous 28 points29 points  (1 child)

I, for one, will miss Eart

[–]WtotheSLAM 8 points9 points  (0 children)

He was a good plant

[–]burgernow 45 points46 points  (11 children)

You people

[–]HeyTomWhatsTheRumpus 50 points51 points  (10 children)

What do you mean 'you people'?!

[–]josh8644 39 points40 points  (7 children)

What do YOU mean 'you people'?!

[–]I_bean_ice_today 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Those from shithole countries of course :/

[–]thethespian 37 points38 points  (4 children)

black people.

[–]naynayneurobiology 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Come on 4-20, It’s the Lords day.

[–]hammyhamm 20 points21 points  (1 child)

calling the burn unit irl

[–]marcuschookt 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Cowell was right, Mooty84 is happening, Big Bovine is watching.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Moodhar FTW

[–]half3clipse 92 points93 points  (4 children)

class in cow identification today.

I'm afraid that's a bull. Perhaps your instructor steered you wrong?

[–]asc0614 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I believe he meant to say cattle identification but missed the bulls-eye.

[–]_hoey_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm so proud of all of us here on Reddit

[–]occupythekitchen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Til cows get sun burned

[–]thisiscotty 12 points13 points  (10 children)


[–]MarcEcho 35 points36 points  (8 children)

Not to be a bully, but the last letters of "cow" and first of "identification" aren't even the same. So no, not "Cowdenification".

[–]bentoboxing 4151 points4152 points  (63 children)

"You know Ethel, I saw a human with glass eye box today. He pointed it straight at me. I believe I've seen that exact same guy, like years ago. I wonder if he remembers?"

  • That bull, a little later.

[–]Xbldankrips 845 points846 points  (10 children)

Is that you Gary Larson?

edit: Thank you. Rarely post. I loved Gary Larson as a kid.

[–]TheOrangeFoot 109 points110 points  (3 children)

Not enough fat people.

[–]bantha_poodoo 26 points27 points  (4 children)

Do kids know about Gary Larson anymore?

[–]ApertureBrowserCore 16 points17 points  (2 children)

I do, but only because my dad and grandparents have a few of those comic compilations.

[–]bantha_poodoo 20 points21 points  (0 children)

You come from good people.

[–]Langosta_9er 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This exactly. When I was learning to read, my parents had a bunch of Far Side and Calvin and Hobbes books.

Pro tip: If you’re looking for a gift for a kid, I’ve never seen books like those fail. Kids will giggle like crazy, and they are fantastic reading practice.

[–]IHv2RtrnSumVdeotapes 50 points51 points  (3 children)

I like that you named the cow Ethel. Thats a good cow name.

[–]PBSk 169 points170 points  (3 children)

"He's a nice fellow, hair used to be a little long around the eyes but looks like he's got a nice clean haircut right now. Face has cleared up, his back seems straighter also. Must be taking care of himself. Looks proud. He should be."

That bull is a nice old dad bull in my head. This is how I imagined my grandparents neighbors dog for the 10 years he used to sit outside and see me come visit for holidays. From my long hair acne phase, to skinny jeans and silverstein shirts, finally to settling into the person I am today, that old golden saw it all.

[–]OFWGKTV 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Hah, your comment reached my heart.

[–]JanV34 3 points4 points  (0 children)

And my eyes!

[–]babytimekade1 175 points176 points  (37 children)

welp. this is my personal favorite comment of the day and i smiled at it. good job human person.

[–]kidintheshadows 55 points56 points  (23 children)

Do you know persons who are not human? O__o

[–]hairwaytostephen 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Are we human or are we dancer?

[–]CeterumCenseo85 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I used to wonder if it was "denser?"

[–]babytimekade1 47 points48 points  (2 children)

on the contrary, i know humans who are not person

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Dogs are persons who are not humans

[–]Leonid198c 19 points20 points  (4 children)

YES activating laugh.exe HAHA, I AM TOTALLY A HUMAN.

[–]Electronicwaffle 5 points6 points  (3 children)

I had to activate OhMyGodADosReference.exe to get that.

[–]mitom2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

did you mean



ceterum censeo "unit libertatem" esse delendam.

[–]-fr0st 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Every account on reddit is a bot except you.

[–]blahblahrasputan 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That's very Farside

[–]AdVoke 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Ethel is a cow!

[–]nodereactor 854 points855 points  (18 children)

How long has he been standing there?

[–]worrymon 610 points611 points  (7 children)

5 Years?

[–]vallco 99 points100 points  (6 children)

It’s a statue, you fools.

[–]naynayneurobiology 51 points52 points  (2 children)

Only 2 more years until the limitations run out, and the bull will finally be able to move.

[–]poopellar 7 points8 points  (1 child)

and the bull will finally be able to moo

[–]Marubuyo 348 points349 points  (25 children)

That cow seems to have had a rough 5 years

[–]Rule1ofReddit 117 points118 points  (4 children)

He definitely saw some shit in those 5 years.

[–]thatsmistergreggles 169 points170 points  (1 child)


[–]GiveMeCheesecake 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Bravo my friend, bravo.

[–]ishiggydiggydowop 82 points83 points  (19 children)

If you actually wanna know it's just grass lice and poor management. Those pink/white patches are his skin poking through as his coat falls out. Honestly all you need to do is pour a drench on him every 6 months, it's not hard to take care of your bulls/steers.

I hope this isn't OP's family member treating his cows shit :(

[–]Armageddon_Blues 14 points15 points  (6 children)

What's drench?

[–]ishiggydiggydowop 19 points20 points  (2 children)

Basically a chemical that you pour on the base of the cow's tail/back which soaks into their coat and skin and kills both types of lice. You can also get drench for worms/other pests and diseases, too!

[–]JBits001 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Is it expensive? We should start a gofund me for the cow, I'll chip in 20. I also don't trust the owners, so I think a companion and travel costs should be included.

It would be like one of those sites were you anonymously send someone breathmints or deodorant as a hint, but in this case to a rancher as a hint to TAKE CARE OF HIS FUCKING COWS/BULLS!

[–]ishiggydiggydowop 8 points9 points  (0 children)

A container that can do a few dozen cows is about a hundred bucks. But even if you treated him, it'd take a while for his hair to grow back (the reason you can see his skin is because the lice burrowing/biting/sucking has caused him to rub that area against something and literally rub the skin raw :( )

He'd probably just pocket the $100 because he really screwed himself over with how he managed that bull (trying to get that bull in a crush for example, is impossible due to his head having a side clearance of like 7 feet.)

[–]spappletrap 8 points9 points  (5 children)


[–]ishiggydiggydowop 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I'm not even done complaining about the problems with this picture either! People suck! Pat your pets!

[–]smmccullough 108 points109 points  (3 children)

Did he specifically ask you to only photograph him from that side?

[–]magpye1983[🍰] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I came to point out that there are probably other photos of this bull in the collection too, but for the other side.

[–]RubbrBbyBggyBmpr 6 points7 points  (0 children)

"This side: Brad Pitt, this side: David Spade--not so cute."

[–]Nachteule 529 points530 points  (29 children)

[–]DoctuhD 94 points95 points  (20 children)

his horns have achieved critical mass

[–]Nachteule 230 points231 points  (19 children)

[–]Thunderbridge 111 points112 points  (11 children)

Good grief they must have massive neck muscles to hold up all that weight

[–]kronaz 124 points125 points  (3 children)

They're actually hollow and full of helium.

[–]we_are_monsters 97 points98 points  (0 children)

Well I guess a hollow neck filled with helium would help hold up those horns equally well.

[–]ThatZBear 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I believe the first half of your sentence but....

[–]alejandro_23455 13 points14 points  (0 children)

And 24/7 headaches to go along

[–]juanmlm 9 points10 points  (3 children)

[–]SgtBaxter 5 points6 points  (0 children)

"Well, we have a flat tire now."

"Shit, now I can't clean the windows!"

[–]dickweeden 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Bulls are crazy strong animals, not to mention, they have very little fat in them, and a lot of testosterone. They’re heads in general are heavy without the horns, so the added weight is like nothing for those bulls. As a butcher, I can confirm that neck meat is extremely tough and lean even in heifers.

[–]Fredyoda 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bulls are unbelievably strong, and because that weight is on their head and has been developing all it's life, the neck muscles would grow stronger to adapt for the added weight.

[–]AlGoreBestGore 30 points31 points  (3 children)

That last bull looks like he gets stuck on gates a lot.

[–]3asin3speech 7 points8 points  (1 child)

His enemies thinnk he has great peripheral vision because he gores them as they run up on him from the sides. "Wth, man, he didn't even flinch! It's like Ethel Norris!"

[–]MarkBlackUltor 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ethel Norris!


[–]SevenandForty 35 points36 points  (4 children)

Wait wtf that's 4 years from now

[–]Rocketai 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I still have this weird feeling in my head that 2020 is so far away... When it's just in 2 years. I feel old.

[–]EdenC996 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Holy shit, you're right.

[–]Rigaudon21 899 points900 points  (29 children)

Jesus those horns don't stop growing. You should show him your badge so he doesn't chase you.

[–]boaster106 147 points148 points  (27 children)

Meta?.. old meta???

[–]fairshoulders 590 points591 points  (17 children)

[–]WantDiscussion 45 points46 points  (3 children)

Expect a repost on /r/jokes soon

[–]KidsTryThisAtHome 13 points14 points  (2 children)

It'll be the 4th time this year, it'll be unexpected if we don't see it :/

[–]AMassofBirds 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I was about to say 4 times in 365 days isn't too bad before I remembered we're in 2018 now. Jesus that sub is bad.

[–]Cheesemacher 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Actually it's been posted 13 more times since he made that comment. That sub is really bad.

[–]Korinto 47 points48 points  (0 children)

This style of joke is very reminiscent of Desi humor/latifay

[–]batt3ryac1d1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thats an oldie

[–]Rigaudon21 15 points16 points  (8 children)

So old its delicious. Like that bull will be.

[–]theguyfromerath 13 points14 points  (7 children)

Bruh it's at least 6 years old in the second picture that's not delicious, more like so hard your jaws won't work for a week after two bites.

[–]Rigaudon21 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Just how I like it. ;)

[–]hey_mr_crow 6 points7 points  (1 child)

With ketchup too I bet , you monster

[–]Gomengomen 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"Badges? Badges?! We don't need no stinking badges!"

[–]KamikazeHamster 202 points203 points  (10 children)

Looks like he's a lot more horny.

[–]rogerramjet78 49 points50 points  (5 children)

Nah the vet gives him a wank once a month, into a little bottle. He's doing good.

[–]megamouth2 32 points33 points  (2 children)

little bottle

Ouch, you know how to hurt a dude.

[–]saroj7878 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Aren't we all?

[–]Knotter87 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I've had the old bull, now I want the young calf

[–]DROPTHENUKES 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Shut the fuck up Dale!!!

[–]Zemano 45 points46 points  (1 child)


[–]Kaneshadow 50 points51 points  (1 child)

As we know well here on Reddit, there's lots of karma in posting pictures of the same bull

[–]dissenter_the_dragon 241 points242 points  (7 children)

You vs the guy she tells you not to worry about

[–]Soul-Burn 87 points88 points  (2 children)

That's actually a sweet complement. "I like you now, but I like you 5 years later even more"

[–]--geode 7 points8 points  (1 child)

As an older person trying to date I definitely feel like the "guy she told you not to worry about" is the top one

[–]MrTopHatMan90 11 points12 points  (0 children)

That's so wholesome. Don't worry about the future :)

[–]walkswithwolfies 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Out standing in his field.

[–]Ionmaster2 32 points33 points  (1 child)

You need to contact that ranch lol. They would probably love this!

[–]blahblahbush 12 points13 points  (0 children)

What a load of bull.

[–][deleted] 52 points53 points  (3 children)

That bull has seen some shit.

[–]Firebat-15 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Pretty goddamn haggard

[–]darksideofthemoon131 4 points5 points  (0 children)

His wife Moolissa ran off with another bull and took the calves with her. Its been hard

[–]Supersquigi 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Should post this in progress pics.

[–]industriousrose 6 points7 points  (0 children)

What a glowup

[–]choadspanker 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Wow the graphics have come a long way in 5 years

[–]MemphisBlur 32 points33 points  (1 child)

He has not aged well

[–]-jsm- 9 points10 points  (0 children)

at least that mothafucka ain’t on the menu.

[–]kashluk 19 points20 points  (12 children)

A very interesting comparison! Awesome how you got the same pose as well.

I find it intriguing how rough life shows on its hide. Looks like one mean son of a bitch who's been challenged many times along the way.

[–]hcnuptoir 24 points25 points  (11 children)

Probably not. Longhorns are usually pretty well taken care of, because they are worth so much money. In the top pic, he was still a calf. The spots on their hides darken with age. Just like with puppies and kittens, and just about any animal.

[–]Eleanoris 22 points23 points  (10 children)

It looks like he turned from a regular milk cow into a chocolate milk cow.

[–]ShelfLifeInc 64 points65 points  (9 children)

It's a bull. You don't want any of his milk. Unless you're into that kind of thing.

[–]darkflash26 15 points16 points  (3 children)

i want his milk. that spunk is worth a small fortune

[–]xALmoN 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Only if his lineage is any good.

[–]darkflash26 15 points16 points  (1 child)

looks like hes being used for breedin instead of slaughtering since he hasnt been killed yet

[–]xALmoN 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You has point friend.

[–]Bmc00 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Did he remember you?

[–]Silas06 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Looks like he leveled up a bit.

[–]stovemonky 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I expected to see a comment link by now with a pic of a steak labled another 5 years later.

[–]lirio2u 4 points5 points  (0 children)

So cute!

[–]allmyblackclothes 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This guerrilla marketing campaign for the new Ferdinand movie needs work.

[–]Steelwolf73 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Everyone is saying he looks bad...I think he looks sassy

[–]dylan2451 9 points10 points  (8 children)

I actually didn't know horns could get that long

[–]XIII-0 27 points28 points  (4 children)

It's a longhorn

[–]Virge23 27 points28 points  (2 children)

I don't know, sounds pretty vague to me.

[–]Sack_Of_Motors 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's an indeterminatelengthhorn.

[–]BSimpson1 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Look up ankole-watusi, blows my mind every time I see one. They make longhorns look like babies.

[–]PapercutsAndTaffy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They must have some crazy strong neck muscles.

[–]lirio2u 9 points10 points  (0 children)

A pointy boi

[–]benihana 4 points5 points  (0 children)

i like that he's still wearing the earring he got during his rebellious years

[–]MuhTriggersGuise 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's kind of like seeing a picture of your adult friend during their awkward teenage years.

[–]prnactor 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He has become majestic af!

[–]Takenabe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Five years from now you're gonna be taking a pic of a hamburger for Instagram and have a sudden realization..

[–]Ducman69 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He's gotten a lot hornier waiting for you to return.

[–]AlREDALE 2 points3 points  (1 child)

how do you know it's a bull?

[–]Savet 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Because it only has one nipple fer milkin'

[–]Fufubear 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He looks worn down and decrepit, he must have sold all of his bitcoin.

[–]eclecticsed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bull looks like he's seen some shit in those 5 years..

[–]Cheesedoodle2 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Holy cow!

[–]schwagmire91 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Only two things come from Texas.

[–]Purple_whales 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Jeez. Time was not kind to that bull.

[–]amagoober 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Time is not kind to any of us.

[–]Purple_whales 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You right you right

[–]p_hennessey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That bull has seen some miles.

[–]rmc8293 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Feel old yet?

[–]unitedstate0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

love these bulls

[–]RICH_PENZOIL 1 point2 points  (0 children)


[–]risfun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Did Google photos find those two photos and make a collage?

[–]bitch_grinder 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn, those horns are huge!!

[–]3asin3speech 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just for Youtube's sake, would you mind driving out to that ranch and taking a picture of the same bull in the same position every day for the next five years?

"Longhorn growing up timelapse"

I'll search for this in another five years. Op, pls.