top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]B34STM4CH1N3 2573 points2574 points  (260 children)

Bam! Jury Duty! Jk. Congratulations and welcome!

[–]MyCatsrock 598 points599 points  (143 children)

Yep, that's what happened to me. Got citizenship in February, got called for Jury duty in May. Was excused bc of school exams, got one a year later and got selected for the actual trial.

[–]sonicboi 109 points110 points  (101 children)

I got called once, but not selected (I think that makes you more American than me, and I was born here). I hope it was a good experience for you!

[–]VaporStrikeX2 213 points214 points  (82 children)

Actually the most American thing is to find a way out of something or to get someone else to do it.

[–]MyCatsrock 15 points16 points  (12 children)

Yeah, I was selected for a criminal case and it was I was working for a law firm (we did corporate law) at the time and it was quite enlightening.

[–]JaJH 9 points10 points  (9 children)

I got called up for Jury duty once and was also selected. I actually didn't find the experience to be at all unpleasant. I was done in a day, they paid for my meals and parking, and my work gave me paid time off too.

[–]BurningOrangeHeaven 29 points30 points  (32 children)

I'm in my mid 20s and never once had to do jury duty.

[–]Shervivor 29 points30 points  (14 children)

I just turned 50, have voted in every election since I turned 18, and I have yet to be summoned for jury duty!

[–]unicorns_galore 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Lucky! I just turned 30, called for duty 5 FRIGGEN TIMES and selected for 2 trails. I think I've done my civic duty. Please stop calling :'(

[–]jackslipjack 78 points79 points  (60 children)

I know you're joking, but jury duty is amazing and incredibly important! Please, please do it, especially if you believe the government and police should be held to high standards!

[–]TemporaryLVGuy 85 points86 points  (44 children)

Important it is, however amazing it is not.

[–]kilogttam 132 points133 points  (33 children)

To get to sit in an air conditioned room, downtown, judging people.. while my lunch is paid for.. that is the life!

- Stanley Hudson

[–]El_Oso_Blanco 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Very true. Last/only time I had jury duty, my number was called into the courthouse(called the night before and I was number 50 something). I showed up at the courthouse at 7:30am, they showed us a 20 minute film about jury duty, then I sat in a large room for about three hours before they came out and said we could go home. I was never even interviewed.

Like jury duty itself I wouldn't mind so much, but sitting there all morning and not even getting interviewed rubbed me the wrong way. But hey at least a local coffee shop gives you 15% off if you come in the day you have jury duty!

[–]LandOfTheLostPass 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Ya, but they get all pissy when you mention jury nullification.

[–]merd2k 7888 points7889 points x2 (269 children)

[–]MrPudge[S] 2481 points2482 points  (112 children)

This is hilarious. Thank you

[–]SyrupMaester 376 points377 points  (79 children)

Congrats!! How long did the process take you?

[–]_aviemore_ 1281 points1282 points  (59 children)

14 hours using mspaint

[–]ASK__ABOUT__INITIUM 121 points122 points  (49 children)

I like that he has a blunderbuss and an M4. You never know which one you might need.

[–]TriblialBrainDamblge 170 points171 points  (27 children)

Thats not a blunderbuss, it's the back end of an RPG-7. Still never know which one you'll need though.

[–]feureau 63 points64 points  (16 children)

But... what if you need a blunderbuss?

[–]The_Space_Jamke 29 points30 points  (14 children)

Then you go and buy 20 blunderbusses. Never mind what you can possibly do with the other 19.

[–]Cole_James_CHALMERS 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Gotta love how it's a Soviet weapon too lmao

[–]Thnewkid 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Nothing more American than buying former soviet state property on the open market.

[–]operian 13 points14 points  (3 children)

Ah, the ol' reddit soft-a-roo

[–]Born500YearsEarly 11 points12 points  (17 children)

My case: After becoming eligible for citizenship, it took 11 months between the application and oath ceremony.

[–]applesauceyes 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Your new Facebook profile picture I guess..... For life.

[–]midoree 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You should get this framed

[–]Xenoonthetrack 402 points403 points  (37 children)

Lmao the twinkies really add to the patriotism here

[–]BleachSepaku 130 points131 points  (23 children)


[–]itwasquiteawhileago 44 points45 points  (2 children)

Fuck sno balls. It's not the taste, it's the consistency.

[–]Xenoonthetrack 45 points46 points  (4 children)

This guy knows

[–]sonofteflon 24 points25 points  (2 children)

BILL!!! FUCKIN'!!! MURRAY!!! Sorry, I don't mean to gush!

[–]JookJook 14 points15 points  (1 child)

I know that's not your middle name but I've been watching you since I was old enough to masturbate, not that the two are related.

[–]bookieson 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Love that movie

[–]msm007 49 points50 points  (4 children)

/r/photoshopbattles is leaking.

[–]seannyboy06 14 points15 points  (0 children)

To our great benefit and delight

[–]Durchii 47 points48 points  (0 children)

As it always should.

[–]jumpifnotzero 42 points43 points  (10 children)

Should have used the American made RPG.

Also, that’s a terrible way to sling an AR!

[–]Backpacks_Got_Jets 39 points40 points  (3 children)

Seeing as the AR has no visible strap it's just follwing behind him powered by his new found freedom

[–]Goyteamsix 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Not enough McDonald's.

[–]cannibalcarrot 19 points20 points  (19 children)

Is this where we all chug a beer and bellow, "'Murica! Hell Yeah!" ???

[–]Automatic_Sun 42 points43 points  (8 children)

Is this where we all chug a beer and bellow, "'Murica! Hell Fuck Yeah!"

[–]seannyboy06 29 points30 points  (8 children)

Hell Yeah!

What are you, Canadian?

[–]KablooieKablam 601 points602 points  (37 children)

Remember, you have to register to vote even though you're a citizen! Look it up for your state.

[–]rodg89 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Doesn't he have to register for the draft too?

[–]theresma 2661 points2662 points  (253 children)

Congrats! Remember to vote in your local elections also, that's going to affect your everyday life much more. :)


[–]m1k3tv 366 points367 points  (136 children)

Writing to and speaking with your representatives also helps, if frustrating.

[–]spongebob_meth 302 points303 points  (129 children)

Writing to mine just results in some canned response from an intern letting me know why I'm wrong...

[–]0_o 125 points126 points  (75 children)

Writing to mine felt like I was being put on a list of dissidents

[–]IM_HIGH_CAPTAIN 50 points51 points  (16 children)

Yep. This is what I get in Georgia.

[–]LighTMan913 15 points16 points  (11 children)

Come try that in Kansas. Home of the most secretive state government in the nation!

[–]BBW_Crew_Johnny 40 points41 points  (2 children)

Are you voting for The Rock or Kanye West in the next election?

[–]aplasticwaterbottle 981 points982 points  (34 children)

Hello, fellow American! We’re happy to have you here! Congratulations!

[–]Swiftzor 281 points282 points  (15 children)

American here, can confirm.

[–]BlackSpidy 141 points142 points  (9 children)

As a non-American I also welcome OP to America.

[–]jbOOgi3 90 points91 points  (8 children)

As an alien from outer space, I welcome him to America too. But just know that I will soon destroy your little country, and then your feeble earthling planet.

[–]KingMermey 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Hurry up man, I’ve been waiting

[–]CaptainNerdatron 20 points21 points  (0 children)

You know, if you can get on that... probably a lot better and much less miserable than what we're setting ourselves up for down here.

[–]IADpatient0 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Earth is closed today, Get lost squidward.

[–]SquilliamWiggleKnife 30 points31 points  (1 child)

American here. Corroborating the aforementioned happiness.

[–]barrister24 41 points42 points  (13 children)

Woah woah woah. Let's not get ahead of ourselves and be so welcoming.

OP questions.

Sports teams you support?

In&out, five guys, whataburger, or shake shack?

Bbq sauce: vinegar based or sugar?

Which freeway is the worst?


[–]Eckhart 10 points11 points  (8 children)

Correct answers: that team you love,I love it too; yes please; all varieties of sauces, preferably at the same time; all of them with honorable mention to the one you commute on.

[–]barrister24 19 points20 points  (7 children)

all varieties of sauces

Those are fighting words in the Carolinas.

[–]iBAZw 14 points15 points  (3 children)

Am North Carolinian and can confirm. Vinegar based or gtfo

[–]Beddybye 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Dont bring that sugary shit no where 'round these parts!

[–]reddit_Iurker 320 points321 points  (5 children)

I cannot wait to vote!

OP you sly dog, you knew exactly what you'd start in the comments. Subtly trolling like a true American already.

[–]RudeTurnip 1044 points1045 points  (140 children)

Welcome to America! Please share any recipes you might have from your original country.

[–]xzbobzx 626 points627 points  (97 children)

His culture is not your dinner!

[–]crastle 470 points471 points  (18 children)

Can we please make it my dinner?

[–]matiasgee 222 points223 points  (6 children)

I vote yes to the dinner making.

[–]buffalopantry 62 points63 points  (5 children)

u/MrPudge can we please appropriate your dinner please

[–]AmericaIsStolenGoods 20 points21 points  (4 children)

You did say please twice.

[–]Hunter_of_Baileys 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He's not really American just a Canadian imposter.

[–]sir_mrej 41 points42 points  (11 children)

I was promised taco trucks on every corner, at the last election. So I'm still waiting for those...

[–]firekstk 7 points8 points  (1 child)

It's pretty hard to promise the service of someone that doesn't work for you

[–]Bricingwolf 87 points88 points  (22 children)

Then what even is the point of America?

[–]packardpa 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Different kind of melting pot

[–]Nixplosion 35 points36 points  (3 children)

All humans are dinner in the eyes of MORBO

[–]Vaskaat 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I believe a group has "made it" when their food is mass-produced and sold in grocery stores.

[–]g0dzilllla 9 points10 points  (1 child)

My food is NOT your prom dress!

[–]Thebackup30 14 points15 points  (4 children)

On most cases you have to live in America for a while before getting a citizenship, so I imagine OP is pretty well established in the US.

[–]RudeTurnip 39 points40 points  (2 children)

OK, but that's no reason to not share recipes.

[–]cannakitty 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Presumably he’s been living here for a while

[–]NfamousCJ 1439 points1440 points  (155 children)

Please allow 2-3 weeks for your complimentary bald eagle, AR-15 and dual charcoal/propane grill to arrive. Expect 1 additional week for your Walmart gift card to arrive (Target if you signed up for the Deluxe Citizenship Package).

[–]MoleTribe 363 points364 points  (78 children)

Hank Hill scoffs at charcoal

[–]With-a-Cactus 167 points168 points  (62 children)

If they ask for a well done burger we ask them firmly, but politely, to leave.

[–]Skellum 66 points67 points  (7 children)

Yes, but still understands it's ability to impart a superior flavor.

[–]CuddlePirate420 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's drugs, I swear!!

[–]jmcdon00 22 points23 points  (1 child)

No need to have a dual grill, get the best of both worlds with a wood pellet grill. Push button operation with great smokey flavor.

[–]vashtyler 162 points163 points  (72 children)


[–]Udonedidit 135 points136 points  (70 children)

Now all he needs a flag, a Bible, and a semiautomatic. 🇺🇲

[–]Eldium 147 points148 points  (26 children)

Semi-auto is only semi-patriotic.

Full Auto, the way our forefathers intended it.

[–]Lazeruus 151 points152 points  (23 children)

Sorts by controversial

[–]Dlh2079 231 points232 points  (66 children)

Vote in every election you can. And vote with your beliefs not for party. Don't give those you don't agree with your vote simply because of party affiliation. Congratulations and welcome.

[–]RadiationStation 38 points39 points  (24 children)

Amen! Vote who you think is right, rather than voting for just republican or democrat.

[–]Dlh2079 23 points24 points  (18 children)

Voting against your conscience and your beliefs is against what the entire system stands for. 3rd party, independent, primary party doesn't matter vote for your beliefs.

[–]budgreenbud 140 points141 points  (10 children)

Do your best to continue to be proud to vote, is my advice.

[–]TommaClock 56 points57 points  (1 child)

man in suit poses with certificate

[–]SirFinleyKeksington 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Man with blurry feet officially 4 days sober after becoming a US CITIZEN READY TO VOTE, here's the year's progress at work, who also kicked CANCER'S ASS.

This fucking sub honestly

[–]radio934texas 325 points326 points  (39 children)

Welcome. We’re glad you’re here. You make our nation richer with your presence.

[–]Squirrel_Whisperer 183 points184 points  (29 children)

What if he likes Nickleback, Keeping Up with the Kardashians, and Neymar is his favourite athlete?

[–]radio934texas 223 points224 points  (20 children)

Not my jam but it’s a free country for now.

[–]Hazmater_of_fact 55 points56 points  (7 children)

Spoken like a true American(and Texan).

[–]iwazaruu 30 points31 points  (6 children)

Not my jam but it’s a free country for now.

Drunk as hell right now and this just made my day. You get it my man. Goddamn, you get it.

[–]casualsax 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Don't be ridiculous, we all know that Neymar fans only listen to Limp Bizkit.

[–]JeansUpWipeDown 11 points12 points  (1 child)

How do you know? For all we know OP could be an evil henchman.

[–]Captain_Owl 48 points49 points  (0 children)

Welcome home brother

[–]trvst_issves 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Congrats fellow Filipino citizen! I just got my citizenship in May, after living here for 19 years.

[–]MrPudge[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Congrats! I hope your family is doing great! Take care

[–]GreekJedi 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Welcome to our club! Welcome Squidward Welcome Squidward Welcome Squidward Welcome Squidward Welcome Squidward Welcome Squidward Welcome Squidward

[–]ApolloThneed 195 points196 points  (198 children)

Plot twist: OP votes Trump, enrages Reddit

[–]thatsmyaibo 107 points108 points  (23 children)

"Don't forget to vote!...unless you're voting against my interests" - Reddit

[–]TeaTimeNinja 141 points142 points  (125 children)

They would call him a race traitor, nazi, fascist, and bigot. I just hope he knows that the welcome he's getting in the comments would have been threats if he hinted at being conservative.

I welcome him regardless of political views. He immigrated legally, just like I did.

[–]innovationflow 47 points48 points  (0 children)

Thank you for following the law.

[–]johnnyboiiiiiiiiiiii 24 points25 points  (0 children)


[–]ItsAyms94 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Congratulations!! Hopefully I'm next

[–]-life_starts_now- 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Awesome dude. Whats the first gun you plan on buying?

[–]DNDquestionGUY 60 points61 points  (5 children)

Welcome to America, citizen. We love you.

[–]JordPlaysGames 12 points13 points  (2 children)

My only question is, how? I've always dreamed of living in the US but never been able to figure out how besides marrying a US citizen, being transfered, being a religious worker, etc. It seems to be such a difficult task.

[–]-life_starts_now- 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You have to get a green card first. You can do it buddy. Make it happen!

[–]Abellus 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Welcome!! We are happy to have ya :)

[–]deedoedee 15 points16 points  (3 children)

This makes me proud as fuck. Welcome home.

I feel like there should be a nice parade for new citizens at least once a month. You are what makes America great.

[–]loztriforce 18 points19 points  (3 children)

I wish most citizens gave a shit about voting

[–]afeil117 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Congrats buddy, glad to have you.

[–]LunchBag420 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Congradulations brother! You did it right and deserve it!

[–]betweendickandhoe 5 points6 points  (0 children)


[–]youliarandyouapple 4 points5 points  (0 children)


[–]norwaywhoreway23 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Welcome 🎊🎉🎊

[–]jk_breezy 797 points798 points  (843 children)

Welcome! Congratulations! The (sane) people of the United States appreciate you bringing your diversity, skills, education, and personality to enrich our communities. Thank you for taking part of the tradition of adding to the melting pot that is the basis of our nations formation. You are now one of our brothers, our family, and we will defend your rights with the same fervor as if you were born here. You are welcome here.

[–]MrPudge[S] 34 points35 points  (3 children)

Thank you for your kind words. I've been a resident here for almost 17 years now. I wasn't able to be naturalized when my mom became a citizen due to me being over 18. Ever since then I worked and saved up money to apply for citizenship. I love this country and it took a while to get that certificate but I'm proud that my hard work paid off. Thank you!

[–]Escenze 545 points546 points  (492 children)

As he's here legally, and rightfully earned a citizenship while being proud of it, both sides appreciates him being there except for some people that doesn't define the masses.

[–]Mastergeneralist 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Not sane, still appreciate his presence.

[–]Mr_Doctor_Man 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I believe a majority of the nation would be proud of any person legally gaining citizenship to our country.

[–]jesseforg123 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Congrats! My mom goes and takes the test today!

[–]ProfessorPeterr 16 points17 points  (0 children)


[–]dantxx 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I hope one day I can achieve that

[–]lyone2 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I can’t wait for you to vote too, OP! Thank you for taking this responsibility seriously that so many Americans dismiss as unimportant

[–]ghalta 3 points4 points  (1 child)

(Don't forget to register to vote. You can't just walk in.)

[–]geekphreak 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You vote like no mother fucker has voted before!

[–]Wheatley67 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Am American. 10/10 would recommend

[–]Floppy4Skin 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Proud to call you my fellow American!

[–]5_sec_rule 6 points7 points  (9 children)

Congrats. How long does it take? Does it cost a lot?

[–]convictionslayer 19 points20 points  (1 child)

It's $725 to apply for citizenship, but only green card holders can do that. Getting the green card is the lengthy process with many, many variables.

[–]Thebackup30 3 points4 points  (0 children)

IIRC - at least 5 years of permanent residence in the US and then you have to write some exams.

Still, you can wait pretty long time for a green card, so it can be longer than that.

[–]Zouea 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm genuinely grateful to the people who care so much about this country (even now) that they go through the naturalization process. We really don't make it an easy thing to do.

We're all happy to have you as a fellow American, OP!

[–]AncientBumblebee 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Welcome to the USA!

[–]pm_me_car_pics1 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Don't they give you a tiny US flag when it happens? :(

[–]Nagsheadlocal 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Welcome! I'm glad you are here.

[–]AboutARainbow 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Welcome aboard the crazy train! Nice shoes too, my fellow American.

[–]mega512 3 points4 points  (0 children)


[–]80s_Rick 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Congrats, man! Welcome to our Home!

[–]Paradigm6790 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Becoming a U.S. Citizen right now is like buying low in the stock market

[–]DsDaisy 3 points4 points  (0 children)


[–]dudenotcool 97 points98 points  (49 children)

Cant yall just avoid politics in this one post? I'm sure OP is well aware of what is going on.

[–]cockknocker1 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Congrats bro! Yes use your precious vote because a lot of US citizens dont.