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513

It's finally encouraging me to stop wasting time on reddit. I have better ways to spend five minutes than waiting for a thirty second clip to download. Thank you reddit for taking the initiative and discouraging people off your site and back into the real world.

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FUCK THOSE TINY MOTHER FUCKERS

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Hello. I was initially going to write this post on my alt account since this one is being stalked but I decided against it because I want this post to always stay up as a reminder to myself.

I’m on mobile, sorry for formatting.

I’m not your average teenager and we’re not your average family. Today I have finally accepted the fact that I have lost. I’ve lost an 11-15 year war and I’ve finally given up.

When I was little we were a very happy family of 4. We were really poor but happy. I was an outgoing kid, I always smiled, always happy in general. When I was in 3rd grade my older brother bullied me in school after a few months I finally built up the courage to tell my mom about it. When I told her she was in the kitchen chopping carrots. She got down on her knees, grabbed my arms and shook me. She yelled at me to never say such bullshit lies about my brother. She said I was only lying because I was jealous of him.

Days, weeks, months, years passed by and things never returned to the happy family we were. My mother clearly had favoritism for him and she grew to be an abusive mother. For years she abused me mentally, physically, and emotionally. My father never did anything to stop it because he didn’t want confrontations. For years I shut down. I was just going on a constant cycle without ever thinking or even having emotions at all.

Around high school I finally got out of that cycle. Life wasn’t good but I had finally broken free of the cycle. I did everything on my power to fix this family but no one ever even tried. No one was even interested at all. I tried speaking with dad multiple times and he agreed but again, he didn’t want confrontations so he didn’t do anything. I tried going with my sisters and nope. I even tried forgiving my brother and talking 1 on 1 with him but wasn’t interested.

No one was interested in fixing this so I also tried so many times to just live. I tired to separate myself from them as much as I could until I could get out of this house but that didn’t work.

My mother constantly tells me to take my shit out of the bathroom, then the kitchen, then the other bathroom. I have even told dad that mom doesn’t even let me live in my own damn house. I can’t walk to the kitchen without mom going up to me and yelling at me for some stupid reason. If it’s not “YOUR STUPID PROTIEN JAR IS ON THE TABLE!!!” It’s “YOU STEPPED ON THE TRASH!!” Or my personal favorite “YOURE BROPPING BREAD CRUMBS ALL OVER THE FLOOR!!” When I ask her to point them out she points at the floor so I ask to pick one up and she can’t find any. Point is I can’t breathe here without bothering her.

Today I have given up. I’m not going to try to fix this anymore. I’m not even going to try to just live until I can get out.

Do you have kids? How would you feel if you slowly saw any trace of them disappear?

That’s what I’m planning. I have changed my legal name. Both first and last name. Today, I stopped talking to everyone in my family. I have decided that I’m going to live in my room and only go out of these 4 walls when it’s absolutely necessary. I have already taken my legal documents from them.

Slowly, I’m going to start disappearing from this house until there’s nothing left of me or even reminders that I ever lived in this house. One by one, each picture contacting my face is going to be shredded. If it has my name it’s going too.

I have been working my butt off to be able to join the USMC. Hopefully I will be soon, at which point I will probably have a talk with my dad. I plan on taking a drive with him, telling him about all the times mom abused me and all the times I tried to fix this family. Im going to tell him about how his wife, my blood and flesh, doesn’t want me in this house, how she always tried to take anything that belonged to me and throw it out. But mostly, I’m going to tell him that he didn’t have enough balls to stand up to his wife and because of that, he lost his son.

The day I ship out to USMC basic training. I’m going to tell dad to go back to his family and to tell them (himself included) to never even try to contact me again. Ever.

We have different surnames. Your wife doesn’t want me, your kids abuse me. And you, yourself stand there looking at everything that has been going on and never moved a finger to stop it. We are no longer father and son. We are no longer family.

Hopefully, this will happen by September. I’ll probably crosspost to r/raisedbynarcissist this seems like a good last post to the subreddit, thanks for all of your support.

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This is a large glass of Santa Barbara rosé, in a bottle. A dry, Provence-style rosé, built in CA. Redditors have EARLY ACCESS + FREE DRINK FLOAT. Drink well friends.

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I’m frustrated at her behavior, but I can’t ultimately do anything about it.

My wife works as an IT admin at a large non profit and is responsible for maintaining their cloud services for other offices around the world.

She has told me plenty of times that she knows that learning new languages and technologies is part of her job, and comes with the field of work.

When she was out on maternity leave, her company hired a consultant to cover for her while she was away (she took 6 months off).

While she was gone, this guy busted ass, and implemented cost cutting and time saving ideas.

Part of what he did to solve many of the problems that were ongoing was to use APIs, Github, JavaScript, and lots of other stuff I don’t know, but my wife has told me. (This is not my field.)

They continued to renew his contract...

Fast forward several months, and the company is slimming the budget. They lay him off, and mostly everyone is bummed about it ...except my wife. She was relieved because he was so dynamic in his approach, and (through conversation with her I understand) she is not and doesn’t want to be.

Today, she comes downstairs (she works a couple of days from home) and tells me that she’s angry because her company is laying off a long-timer IT person and they are probably going to hire the consultant that had covered for her.

Now she’s upstairs talking to her boss and having a conversation as to why she doesn’t think they should hire him back. It really all comes down to her being intimidated by this guy’s knowledge and work ethic.

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Sorry, I just need to type out my feelings.

Jacob always loved comic books and video games. He always wanted to be a hero.

Jacob was the first friend I had ever really had. He was the one to take my sorry ass out of the self pitying state I was in. I came into high school alone and prepared to go through it alone, because I’m not the best looking by and I tended to be loud. I would sit during lunch alone, and in a state of sadness when he came in and sat with me. He wanted to know me and what I was like and why I was sitting alone.

Me and him hit it off after that and he introduced me to people just like me, I always hung out with him and talked to him. He was my friend, and I was his. When I was on the bed sobbing because I just got punched in the mouth by my uncle for trying to reason with him about a Facebook post and my family blamed me, he told me that even if they all abandoned me, he wouldn’t. That me saying that I was alone was a lie, and that even if I was thrown out on my ass, he would still be there. He then proceeded to pick me up in his truck and console me for the rest of the night.

I value him as one of the best people I have the privilege of knowing. But I never saw this coming. After he graduated it seemed like things were going fine, he was going to college and had a girlfriend he loved. He kept in contact with me and we would get high as fuck playing Minecraft for like six hours.

Then I got his text this morning. He told me he would see me on the other end of the bridge. I had no idea what the fuck he meant and tried to call him but he wouldn’t pick up.

I got worried and drove over there to find police and his girlfriend in hysterics. He had fucking hung himself in their room. I’ve been numb for most of today. I called into work and stayed home.

I broke an hour ago when I logged onto my Xbox and saw his gamer tag saying he was offline. I’ve been sobbing for the past hour and it hurts so fucking bad. I didn’t know it was coming and I couldn’t see it coming.

I fucking loved that man. And now it feels like there’s a pit in my chest. He’s gone. And I couldn’t do anything about it.

I’m sorry, Jacob, maybe if I had known you had felt that way I could’ve helped. But I didn’t, and now you are gone.

I’ll see you on the other side of the bridge, I won’t forget you.

Goodbye man, I’ll miss you.

EDIT: Thank you all so much. I woke up from a long night. And to see this much support is honestly touching.

He would be smiling right now. Thank you.

Would there be anyone interested in drawing something for his fuberal? I'll pay whatever you ask.

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I normally never dream about being on my phone, but tonight I was browsing Reddit in my dreams and all of the sudden there was this golden flash on my screen and the words ‘YOU HAVE RECEIVED REDDIT GOLD’ appeared on my screen. So I kept browsing and the Reddit layout was all golden all of the sudden and I felt so happy and content with myself even though it made no sense at all.

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Tell me why I’m up this late eating cereal nobody knows

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I'm sorry for complaining but here I go. I was shy and kind of depressed for most of my time at high school. I was bullied and never fit into any cliques. Living in a town of 800 people, I haven't had the chance to join any clubs or whatever to make friends. I've become pretty "normal" in the last year or 2, in that I'm pretty extraverted & cheerful, albeit nerdy. However, I was never able to shake my former reputation at school.

I'm working in a cafe this summer to save for starting college. The other girls my age working there are really popular. I feel so ashamed of myself, listening to them talk about all their friends. They go out drinking every weekend & I'm so jealous as I love going out but I have no friends to go out with. Has anyone else ever felt like this? I'm quite excited for college as I will have a chance to meet new people without all my high school baggage

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I'm 32 now, I've done a lot of crazy things, been through the Marine Corps, lived in gang infested neighborhoods, hungout with the wrong crowd. I feel like I could have done so much better for myself, but here I am. This song is the best, it has no words.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izQsgE0L450

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I’m approachable and great at making first impressions and I tend to share too much information about myself and secrets in a short period of time, causing the confusion for others to see me as open and confident. Once I feel uncomfortable or I overthink, then I’ll distance myself from everyone. A lot of people I’d met would label me as that type of person with a kind and friendly face. Some people would even tell me, I don’t know if it’s a compliment or criticism “You look so much younger than your age, you look so naive.” So I look younger because I don’t have the marks on my face not that I don’t feel stressed out but when severely depressed I feel apathy.

These moments of apathy makes me feel an invisible distance from everyone, as if I’m watching everything unfold from a TV screen. An observer of the world, I’m not being dramatic. I just felt like an outsider disassociated with everything and everyone. I have moments where I feel my body isn’t mine, I’ll look at my arm and get the feeling it’s an object. At this comfort zone I am able to quite down my thoughts then I get used to it and distance myself further from everyone. Everyone I think could never understand to eliminate the thoughts of being a burden.

You know the feeling that you’ll never find a place where you belong. You’ll find others like you it’s easy to spot them and you feel at home around these people who’s not related to you, not by blood. I consider myself an empath sometimes because it’s easy for me to catch these vibes. This sense of feeling of being an outsider of never going to be good enough, feeling like a fraud an inferior entity as outlandish as this sounds. Feeling like there’s need of space and once the space is established people get confused with this sudden change in your behavior and then the next thing you realize you’re left with a handful of people who understands. This is why I feel I’m not a people’s person, I can be when I’m happy but most of the time I’m not.

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She doesn't want to be with me but I love her. I hate this feeling. I feel like she really loves me and is thinking about me right now. That there's some kind of invisible connection but I know that's not true nor even close to being in the realm of possibilities. And yet it persists and I just want to be back in her bed. Her smile, her laugh, the way we fuck the same way every time but it's always just as good as the last time. God damn it I miss her but she doesn't give a fuck about me. I'm just one of probably several guys she bangs. God damn it it's not fair why do I still love her?

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I met a fellow redditor at a bar last night. We had a jolly good time discussing all things nostalgia and posts from reddit and many other redditors who have stood out. He didn't tell me his username, I didn't ask. A certain confidence in his voice had me mirin him but he had a ring on his finger...

I digress.

Been a lurker since 2015. I'm a socially awkward programmer and gamer. I like to gamble, a lot. Gacha machines, UFO catchers, and anything that involves randomness are my addictions. I was in therapy a couple of times when I started spending all my paycheck on tokens, games, cash shop, micro-transactions, etc.

I moved back into my parents house because I could no longer sustain my addiction and put a roof above my head. I'm trying to be more social these days, put myself out there, and dance with the wolves (or get eaten by them); well at-least I can cry ಥ﹏ಥ or rage t(-_-t)and no one will ever know.

I code in R, Go, Python, Dart, and Javascript. I'm currently playing sdorica, Monster Hunter Double Cross, waiting for Warframe and Honor of Kings/Arena of Valor. I recently got back into No Man's sky and used to play DoTA2, League of Legends, Blade and Soul, and many other MMORPG. I dream of playing Star Citizen but I'll possibly be dead before that goes live.

Also, finally decided to join hoping I would bump into this mysterious reddittor one day and continue the conversation where we left off. I'm also a (creepy?) hopeless romantic.

-----

Thank you for reading senpais :3

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Yesterday I puked some more yellow acid. It wasn't stomach acid; it's bile. Different things. Today, I didn't puke. My abdomen area hurt sometimes. No other symptoms currently.

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I got to know a guy over the internet and he happened to attend an event near where I live so I showed him around the city. After the fun outing he texted me as he was going back and asked me for a dinner date sometime in the future. It felt like I knew him for a long time even though that's the first time we met so I said yes.

That was like a month ago and now in the present my parents are pretty against me going out on a date with the guy for a number of reasons, one of which is long distance and being a stranger online. (My mom is in particular weirdly strict about these things apparently so it would get really rough for me if I don't respect it... maybe even get disowned?). So I gotta tell him that I won't be able to go on a date with him.

Now I'm in my early 20s and I know what you're thinking, I should meet whoever I want to meet. Understand that it's not like I'm obediently following my parents' wishes despite meeting the love of my life or anything. I never dated anyone mostly stemming from insecurities and I value my relationship with my parents much higher than a possible romantic relationship with a guy I just met, that's all. Not to mention my grandma (who I love) wants me to get a boyfriend and I kind hope they can communicate at least (she doesnt speak english). I also trust my parents' instinct more than mine due to my lack of experience (but I take that with a grain of salt since generation difference and all). So it's not up for debate whether or not I'm going on a date with him.

Now here's what I'm having trouble with. It's eating me up inside knowing that I gave the dude "yes" but now I gotta take it back. I'm afraid he's gonna think I'm acting like a kid asking my parents for permission. I really felt like we could be a close friend, it felt like there was a click from the get go. So I don't want to screw this up. At the same time I totally get it if he doesnt wanna stay as a friend and will respect it. I've been meaning to talk to him about it but I tend to ghost for a while when I need to do something stressful. So I didn't want my first thing after week of silence to be "sorry my mom said we can't go out". Now he's on a vacation and so I want to wait until he's back in states to ruin a good mood. At the same time I know it's not anything serious. Still I've never told a guy I'm interested in staying connected that I gotta reject his date on hindsight so I'm getting anxious about not wanting to mess up.

(Tl;dr: I said yes to a date with a guy I met for the first time irl after some online interaction and now I gotta cancel it since my parents aren't happy with it. And at the present, my priority is family > romantic partner.)

What should I say? Am I overreacting? Thanks in advance.

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Ahoy! Vandebron geeft een avontuurlijke, duurzame ontdekkingsreis naar Chili 🇨🇱 weg! Hierbij stapt de winnaar (+1) aan boord bij de Sailors for Sustainability. De Sailors ⛵ zeilen de hele wereld over op zoek naar duurzame oplossingen voor klimaatverandering. Met wie wil jij dit avontuur beleven?

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So my friend is a psychology student at a large UK university and recently went back home to stay with her family in Romania, and also to do an internship there for her degree (she's due to come back in September).

The person she's doing her internship with is an internationally renowned ex-nato psychologist.

Her mother advised that she take advantage of this opportunity and to have some therapy with him as well for some other unresolved issues she's been experiencing.

After her first sessions she messaged me saying that he very quickly diagnosed her with borderline personality disorder, told her that sex was at the centre of life, that she needed to have sex that week and that she should send him a picture of her genitals. Keep in mind that she was abused by a friend when she was 5 also - she told him about this, and his response was, "you enjoyed it" and that "now you have this big libido that you have to satisfy", and "if you'd let yourself do it you'd fuck and scream".

When she told me this I was shocked,especially as she couldn't see what was going on - we tried to tell her but she is under the spell and is convinced there is something wrong with her.

She tried to seek help from her parents but her mother didn't seem to be concerned (!!!) and her father thought that maybe it was some kind of shock therapy. Her parents are very strict and she is obedient, clearly if there is a problem it’s always her fault and no one else’s in their eyes.

We tried to convince her to go to another session and to secretly record him saying all of this crazy stuff then to show her parents and go to the police but she can't find the courage to do it, since she still believes it's her fault, and her parents have discouraged her from going to the police (they still really want her to do this internship with this guy).

She's also said that she wants to continue seeing him for the internship despite all of the above, no doubt because of the pressure from her parents to take advantage of this "great" opportunity.

There's nothing we can do where we are here in he U.K. We were thinking that maybe we could call her university here and speak to the head of the psychology department, explain to them what's happened and see if they'll intervene in any way.

We feel helpless right now and that's all we have.

Any and all advice urgently welcome

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What is your SEE-I ???

SEE-I have a motive I have a reason I have a understanding I have a goal

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Lately I’ve just down right denied anybody cares about me and I’m just a burden. Today I almost ended me and my best friends friendship. I’m just at lost on what to do.

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Dear friend,

I’m sorry for doing this now. I should’ve done it sooner. I should’ve done it in real life. I always thought that I should give you another chance, that I shouldn’t end our friendship right before I transferred to another college. But you never stopped making me feel miserable about myself. You always made me feel small and insignificant. You made me feel like I was your inferior. And maybe it wasn’t intentional and that’s why I kept forgiving you.

But you know when you really lost me? When you said that I should get me a best friend like “Z” (Z being her new best friend). That’s when you really ended this friendship. And you never stopped there. You kept talking about how amazing he was. And deep inside I always envied him, hated him for taking you from me. But now I know that it wasn’t his fault. You were the one who took yourself away from me. YOU stole my best friend.

And last week, after you saying that “Z serves all purposes” and that “he makes everyone seem like a shitty person in comparison”, I finally decided to end this. You always keep telling me that I should distance myself from toxic friends and stop trying to keep unhealthy friendships alive. And I guess you’re right. I shouldn’t stay friends with you.

I’ve always tried to be there for you. All the time. I never even once complained about the things you talked to me about. I never said your life and issues were “negativity”. YOU were the toxic one. You never listened to my issues. You said you didn’t want negativity in your life.

I’d also like to let you know that you can’t mold people into the characters you want them to play in your life. I was willing to change anything about myself to keep our friendship alive. But you took advantage of that, and tried fo change the person you became friends with in the first place.

Our friendship was like a walking on a minefield. You’d explode even when I was walking at my normal steady pace. And you would always justify your explosions. But you CAN’T justify random explosions, and you shouldn’t explode randomly.

So I’m sorry for ending this, I hope you understand. I really love you for the person you once were. And I want to remember you as that fun and amazing person. Which is why I’m ending this.

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Especially Parmesan and gouda.

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Last night we were talking and I was saying how I would never expect her to put me before everything else and choose me over her friends and i do feel that way. She said that she never has and never will put me before everything else, but only because she feels like she can balance everything including our relationship. I know thought that I would put her before pretty much everything and I know that might not be good for me, but that’s how I feel. Sorry if it sounds like I’m complaining too much and I don’t really know what I’m asking for, maybe just input from anyone. Do you guys think I’m worrying about this too much?

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I fear making mistakes or doing the wrong thing or even saying the wrong thing to people or trying to do something new because I know that I am the type of person to think about my errors and the negative reactions of people years later at 1 am in the morning like I am doing now.

I think about peoples faces and maybe they didn’t know they were making that face, but I saw it and now I have a hundred different reasons in my mind of why they thought some kind of negative way about me and will think about for years to come until there is some sort of confirmation that they did not think that way, but after years and years, they probably don’t remember, but the issues is that I do and cannot forget and will be lying in bed years later cringing and stressing about that one insignificant moment that happened years and years ago about a person I will never see again in my life time and what face they made and what their opinion of me could possibly be.

Why must I suffer this way...?

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Talk-about it:

personal pride is not the same as hubris or vanity. It’s really about how we feel about ourselves, without regard for the opinions of others or external rewards.

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I’m on mobile and don’t know how to update or even if I am going to be able to link my previous post properly.

I love you Dad. You weren’t a monster. Not to me.

I’ve only ever been to my dad’s burial site twice and once was the funeral. I don’t know why... I didn’t really have anyone to come with me and I needed the support to help with the pain. But lately, I’ve really felt this desire to go but I live hours and hours away. I decided, out of boredom this morning, to get on ancestry.com and there it was; a photo of his head stone. While I can’t be there in person, it has bought me some measure of peace.

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It’s exhausting, she takes things way too seriously and it just kills my mood. I can be perfectly happy then she’ll obsess about something, and whenever I try to lighten the situation she’ll just go quiet and stop talking to me.

I’m an adult. I understand why she worries and I love her for it, but she acts as if she knows what’s best for me constantly and is draining. And even if she did, I need to be able to make my own mistakes freely at some point.

I just got home, came back from my dads, nice chill evening (as it always is) and right away it’s her worrying. I’ve had this cough a few days and she goes on about how it could be a chest infection, how people can die with this sort of stuff etc etc. I tell her I understand where she’s coming from and try and reassure her I’m fine. She goes on, so I try and make light of the situation. To which she went quiet and shortly after turned the lights off (leaving me in the dark) and went to bed in silence.

It’s just draining. I appreciate where she’s coming from and that it comes with nothing but good intent, but I’m fine. And It sucks that I’m made to feel bad for trying to lighten the mood or be independent...

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