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83.8k

Don’t be like Nikola Kalinic

1.8k comments
91% Upvoted
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level 1
10.8k points · 1 month ago

Good for that coach

level 2

The coach straight up Munson’d him

level 3
359 points · 1 month ago

A reeeeaaal Munson

level 4
97 points · 1 month ago

And now Croatia is on a gravy train with biscuit wheels.

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level 3

What in the hell is a Munson?

level 4

You know...to be up a creek without a paddle. To have the whole world in the palm of your hands and then blow it. It’s a figure of speech.

level 5

Honestly one of the funniest movies of all time.

level 6

It is, but I rarely see it discussed anywhere. One of my favorite Bill Murray roles if I'm being honest

level 7

What's even better is Bill Murray actually hit those 3 strikes in a row and the crowd reaction is totally genuine

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level 4
123 points · 1 month ago

Roy Munson?

level 5
171 points · 1 month ago

What is it about good sex that makes me wanna take shit?

level 6

You really jarred something loose there tiger!

level 7

Better work on your tongue exercises

level 8

UHLLUHLULHLUULHLULHULLLHUHLULH

I can't write the noise but you know what I'm doing.

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level 6

To me it's the best Farrelly Bros movie. MM&I was very funny and Dumb & Dumber might be their most iconic, but Kingpin was just the perfect comedy movie for that point in time.

It's such a perfect mix of sarcasm, absurdism, and irreverence, and will always be one of my all-time favorites from that era.

level 7

Woody Harrelson certainly delivers. And then add Bill Murray as a villain. Awesome!

level 8

"I got up early for milking your cow"
"We don't have a cow"

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level 8

Don't sleep on Randy Quaid either!

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level 4

Do yourself a favor and go watch the movie Kingpin and come back and report for duty

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level 2

Yeah, I'm tired of douches like him in the world. I don't give them a minute of my time anymore.

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level 1
4.9k points · 1 month ago

After also being arguably the worst Milan player in 17-18 season, please, for the love of God, never be like Kalinic

level 2
2.1k points · 1 month ago

Thank you for that Kalinical analysis.

level 3

I'm picturing you seeing his name and then having the idea, before you hungrily scroll through the comments to find one that you can attach it to

level 4
[deleted]
149 points · 1 month ago

Man you can't get away with anything anymore

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level 2
266 points · 1 month ago

Id love to be the worst player on milan lol

level 3

I'd love to be a sub for any big club and just get paid to train with the pros and warm the seats getting the best view to big clashes. I will accept this. Call my agent.

level 4
180 points · 1 month ago

The funniest thing about statements like this is everyone who'd "love to be a sub" are exactly the type to never be a sub. Sure the money and perks are nice but for most athletes I'm sure the intrinsic goal of becoming a great athlete but chained to the bench must eat at them constantly. I know it ate at me even for stakes as low as HS soccer. Not a jab at you in particular but I have seen this comment a lot and have had thoughts of it myself.

level 5

I agree! A competitive althete wouldn't settle for a paycheck and a substitute position, that's why they're competitive. Wanting to fight to be the best

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level 2

I'm a Blackburn Rovers fan, I remember this dude a few years back, he was absolutely garbage for us.

level 3

Apparently just Fiorentina have the right formula

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level 1
11.2k points · 1 month ago

The Croatian Carmelo Anthony

level 2

Stay Niko7a

level 3
396 points · 1 month ago

Nah. Be Jok15.

level 4
84 points · 1 month ago

I support this.

level 4

Jokis? Wouldn’t it be Jok1c?

level 5

Either way, FREE EG14K

level 6

EG died for our sins

level 7

EG was right the whole time

level 8

The Jah vs. Jokic thing was peak r/NBA groupthink. EG was so spot on about Jokic. He has MVP potential.

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level 3

/r/Soccer and /r/nba crossovers are the best.

Opening up /r/soccer to find a /r/nba copypasta is the best.

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level 2

Hey, M! They want me to be a substitute!

level 3

That’s a regular sized ego, find a new slant

level 4

That fucking ego boomed me

level 5

It's so big (x4)

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level 4
153 points · 1 month ago

Hey, this isn’t /r/nba

level 5

nephews can't be contained

level 6

We never sleep

level 7

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level 5

We’re all /r/nba on this blessed day

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level 2

Can you fill me in on the Carmelo situation?

level 3
383 points · 1 month ago · edited 1 month ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBB9rHRdacc

That was from a year ago when he was already getting to be past his prime, and now this year he's definitely to the point where he should be coming off the bench but it seems like he still has the same attitude about it.

level 4
206 points · 1 month ago

"Who me?"

Yes you.

"Couldn't be."

Then who?

level 5

Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?

level 6
46 points · 1 month ago

Dikembe Mutombo

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level 4

He's been overrated for so long. I wouldn't want any part of him especially at the price he'd demand.

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level 4
12 points · 1 month ago

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level 3
63 points · 1 month ago · edited 1 month ago

The most deserving of a bench role former superstar in the whole NBA who refuses to become that bench player and played like garbage last year while making nearly 30 million dollars.

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level 2

Olympic great Carmelo Anthony???Couldn’t be.

level 2
86 points · 1 month ago

Rodney Hood might be an even better comparison.

level 3

Dude has legit anxiety. His ego's too small if anything.

level 3

Nah, Hood gets the shits when he's nervous. Same action, different reasons.

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level 3

So true. Playoffs are much more comparable than Melo not understanding he’s old.

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level 2

So true. Big shot Bob could teach these guys a thing or two.

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level 1

But had he stayed on the team, it would have changed the future, and Croatia may not have made the World Cup Final...

level 2
539 points · 1 month ago

So really, hee made all this possible

level 3
139 points · 1 month ago

So if Croatia wins, I guess you could say Kalanic carried Croatia to victory

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level 2
[deleted]
145 points · 1 month ago · edited 1 month ago

“You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything. Unless it turns out that you were supposed to do it; in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it!”

Professor Farnsworth

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level 2

So what you're saying is he made the ultimate sacrifice for his team

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level 1
13.2k points · 1 month agoGilded1 · edited 1 month ago

I've seen 14,000,605 scenarios, this is the only one where Croatia wins

level 2

good guy Niko, taking one for team so that karma gets them a World Cup

level 3
1.1k points · 1 month ago

Man, if one player not playing in the World Cup gets them that much karma, and there are 23 players on the final roster, imagine how much karma the US will have heading into 2022.

I ran the numbers, and it's 23 times the karma.

level 4
347 points · 1 month ago

Thanks for crunching the numbers on this one

level 5

I'm coming up with 32.33, repeating of course, percentage of survival.

level 6

Ugh. Well, that’s a lot better than we usually do... What do you think guys?

level 7
18 points · 1 month ago

Oh my god, he just ran in.

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level 4

Give Ban

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level 2

Seeing as we’re now onto the finals, it truly is the endgame

level 3

It was the only way.

level 4

"Mr. Deschamps I don't feel so good" - Kylian Mbaape

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level 2
109 points · 1 month ago

I'd say they won the Balkan conflict too

As much as you can win in something like that, anyway

level 3

I think Slovenia won the most out of all of them, as they only had to fight for 10 days before the other countries let them be independent.

level 4

Ex-Yu here, and yes, Slovenia is the country that's best off right now. They basically had no large-scale conflict at all, so they could focus on stabilizing themselves after breaking off rather than fighting. Serbia, B&H and Croatia kept fighting up until Operation Storm and the Dayton Agreement. After that, only Serbia (and Montenegro, which was still part of FRY) had the Kosovo bullshit to deal with, so while they were messing around with that, the other countries, other than Macedonia which had the 2001 insurgency, were cleaning themselves up, so as a result Serbia kind of suffered the most post-war wise along with Macedonia, but in reality no one was truly better off after the war except maybe Slovenia.

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level 4
41 points · 1 month ago

Must be an awesome area to visit. Slovenia has mountains and Croatia has the beaches

level 5

Croatia is literally the most beautful country I've ever been to and while the beaches are awesome no doubt. Do yourself a favor and Google the plitvice lakes. They are holy shit beautiful

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level 1
3.0k points · 1 month ago

“There are no small roles, only small actors.”

level 2
226 points · 1 month ago · edited 1 month ago

Hey I can contribute to this!

I was offered the role of a swing on the first national tour of Rock of Ages. A swing is someone who has to learn all the roles in the show and be ready to go on for any of them at any given time. They're also called covers or standbys. You're not on stage every night. My friends encouraged me not to take it because I had played roles before in my career and you can "never really go back" as they say.

Instead of listening to them I really wanted to go on tour and wanted to do the show so I accepted the offer. Well wouldn't you know, I went on once in Boston as the lead and the whole creative team and producers happen to be at the show.

That same year they offered me the lead on Broadway as they were switching theaters and were recasting. I made my Broadway debut as the star of a Broadway show because I took something that my friends were trying to tell me not to take.

It happened again four years ago with Heathers the musical Off Broadway. I had friends and fans coming to the stage door telling me how weird it was to see me in the Ensemble waving a lunch tray around (I was having the time of my life). Now 4 years later I have a great cult following because I went on once for the lead and someone took a bootleg video of the show and posted it on YouTube.

Millions of views later and I'm living my other dream of being a role model and being able to reach all these little theater nerds around the world through social media that are just like me when I was their age and let them know that they're not alone and to keep following their dreams.

level 3
39 points · 1 month ago

That's pretty cool, would you say that a bit of luck was involved?

level 4

I think that's the point. Don't know why you were being downvoted, but luck is involved. One small role won't change everything, so keep trying for every opportunity. That luck will find you if you persist, some sooner than others.

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level 2
1.1k points · 1 month ago · edited 1 month ago

A minor, unnamed elf without any lines became a popular LOTR character because of how that mofo owned the screen in the split second he was in Fellowship of the Ring

Peter Jackson brought him back in a cameo for Return of the King, as a nod to the fans. He even got a speaking line.

They brought him back again for the Hobbit movies.

level 3
678 points · 1 month ago

I mean he was kind of famous for other reasons. He's one half of Flight of the Conchords.

level 4
Comment deleted1 month ago(10 children)
level 5

Lol his wiki pages says he's also known as rhymenoceros

level 6
81 points · 1 month ago

I'm the mother flippin' Rhymenocerous

My beats are fat and the birds are on my back

And I'm horny (I'm horny)

If you choose to proceed you will indeed concede

'Cause I hit you with my flow

The Wild Rhino Stampede

I'm not just wild, I'm trained, domesticated

I was raised by a rapper and rhino that dated

And subsequently procreated

That's how it goes

Here's the Hip-Hopapotamus

The hip hop hippo

They call me the Hip-Hopapotamus

My lyrics are bottomless

...

Sometimes my rhymes are polite

Like "Thank you for dinner, Ms. Wright

That was very delicious, good night"

Sometimes they're obscene

Like a pornographic dream

NC-17 with ladies in a

Stream of margarine

Ha ha ha ha ha ha, yeah

Some margarine

They call me the Hip-Hopapotamus

Flows that glow like phosphorous

Poppin' off the top of this esophagus

Rockin' this metropolis

I'm not a large water-dwelling mammal

Where did you get that preposterous hypothesis?

Did Steve tell you that, perchance?

Mmmph, Steve

My rhymes and records they don't get played

Because my records and rhymes they don't get made

And if you rap like me you don't get paid

And if you roll like me you don't get laid

My rhymes are so potent that in this small segment

I made all of the ladies in the area pregnant

Yes, sometimes my lyrics are sexist

But you lovely bitches and hoes should know I'm trying to correct this

Other rappers dis me

Say my rhymes are sissy

Why? Why? Why?

What?

Why exactly?

What? Why?

Be more constructive with your feedback, please, why?

Why?

Why, because I rap about reality?

Like me and my grandma drinking a cup of tea?

There ain't no party like my nana's tea party

Hey! Ho!

I'm the motherflippin'

I'm the motherflippin'

I'm the motherflippin'

Who's the motherflippin'?

I'm the motherflippin'

I'm the motherflippin'

I'm the motherflippin'

Motherflippin'

level 7

Best version was their stage version

Its has a different set of lyrics.

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level 5
13 points · 1 month ago

Like Britney?

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level 3

That is brilliant! I love it - had never heard of this so thanks - big Flight of the Conchords fan though.

level 3
200 points · 1 month ago · edited 1 month ago
level 4
54 points · 1 month ago

...huh, he actually did. For best original song, of all things.

level 5

He’s part of a famous music duo that had a popular tv series in UK, NZ and AUS.

level 6

Was popular here in Canada as well!

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level 4

No one rolls bigger than Neymar.

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level 3
49 points · 1 month ago

Here's the scene if anyone was curious.

He's on the far right. The video quality is bad and it was pretty underwhelming imo.

level 4

Underwhelming is an understatement.

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level 1
2.3k points · 1 month ago

Dude a sub in the world cup makes you one of the very very best players in the world. Grow up

level 2
970 points · 1 month ago

Ikr, boohoo I’m in the top 500 players in the world not the top 200 wahh wahh

level 3
399 points · 1 month ago

"...with a country of 4 million people" makes it all the while more impressive. Guess this bluff didn't work. Never understood when people let egos interfere. Only 400+ get to experience this, not the smartest Nikola out there. Can't imagine what ramifications might come from this, "oh so you won't take the bench for your country, what makes this club more important that your honeland?"

level 4

$$$$

level 5

With an attitude like this I'm sure you are right

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level 1
1.2k points · 1 month ago

So if they win, does he get any money? Because technical he made the team. How does work? If they refuse to pay, can he send them to court?

level 2
2.1k points · 1 month ago

Not sure... But he for sure doesn't get to share the glory. There's no suing your way into that. Act like a petulant child, get treated like one. No ice cream for you.

level 3

Sprinkles are for winners, Jimmy.

level 4

Jimmies are for winners, Sprinkles.

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level 3
454 points · 1 month ago

It’s great that they had the balls to send him home instead of give in to him.

level 4
334 points · 1 month ago

Yea but the fact that he had done this before during qualification games made the decision to send him home easier lol. What an idiot though. His replacement now has his spot cemented in the team.

level 5
115 points · 1 month ago

So did this guy fuck himself into permanent sub status because of this? Because that's a delicious karma sammich.

level 6
291 points · 1 month ago

I'll be surprised if he even gets called up to the national team again. I mean, why would you pick someone who doesn't want to contribute to the team over a young and hungry player who would be thrilled to even be an unused sub.

level 7
Comment deleted1 month ago(4 children)
level 8

Eh, tell that to Gotze.

level 9

I'm sure if you'd told him in 2014 that he'd score the World Cup winning goal in exchange going on to have a mediocre career he'd have taken it.

level 9

He got his own documentary and I think that he dodged a bullet by not being part of this WC squad.

And nobody can take his game winning goal away from him, that's his forever.

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level 7

Plus, given how Kramaric has performed off the bench, it doesn't seem like there's much need for Kalinic

level 6

He ain't getting called up again ..unless the next Croatia coach loves him for some reason

This guy might have effectively retired from the national team with his dipshittery

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level 6

Ha probably, not sure what his entire history was or his problem for that matter. Both times he pretended to be hurt.

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level 5
207 points · 1 month ago

His replacement now has his spot cemented in the team

There wasn't any replacement. Yes Croatia made it to the final playing a whole extra match between extra times and with one less player in the squad

level 6
76 points · 1 month ago · edited 1 month ago

By replaced it just means by someone else already on the squad. There are players that don’t play (or play little). By definition, he was replaced by one of them at some point down the line.

level 6

Rebic and Mandzukic were likely his replacement. As in the people who start ahead of him

level 7

That Rebic goal was beautiful too. If he was Niko's replacement, I'm sure everyone is happy that he acted like a child.

level 8

And Mandzukic scored the winner in extra time. Not exactly a golden age for Nikola

level 9

After Pickford talked shit to him too.

level 10

I have to say after Mario scored that goal I so badly wanted him to trash Pickford, but watching Croatia celebrate the win is 1000X better.

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level 7

he was going to be backup for them, thats not what replacement means

level 4
42 points · 1 month ago

Coaches usually have no qualms about that. You're not the authority if you let your players do whatever.

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level 3

In his righteous state of mind I think he might think he already has his glory.

level 4
55 points · 1 month ago

"If they had played me, do you think they would have gotten to the finals? The team owes me for this. I mean, really, I should be MVP for the whole tournament."

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level 2
301 points · 1 month ago

The money they receive is so small compared to what they earn in clubs.

level 3
298 points · 1 month ago

A lot of players also donate their National team earnings since they are so low compared to club earnings. Some also feel obligated to give the money back since they believe they shouldn’t be paid to wear the national crest.

level 4
168 points · 1 month ago

i like that last part. classy

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level 4

Yes a lot of them donates to charities of the country hosting the World Cup. Oprhanage in Brazil during WC 2014 for example.

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level 3

Still decent money depending on what country you are in and how well you go. Australia has paid their players about $150K each while Spainish players would've got significantly less than that had they wont the World Cup.

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level 2

International teams don't really pay players that much, the honor of representing your nation is usually enough and most pros donate any international money to charity.

Professionals make most of the money from their club teams.

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level 2
Comment deleted1 month ago(4 children)

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level 2

They money made for winning a world cup is basically nothing. Players usually do it as a patriotic thing and are happy to be there for the simple fact of representing their country.

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level 1
374 points · 1 month ago · edited 1 month ago

It's not about him not getting paid, but him not being part of the team that made it to the finals. No one cares about the money. It's the glory of winning a World Cup what matters. He will never get that. And it probably kills him to know it.

level 2
197 points · 1 month ago

Serves him right for acting like a little bitch in what should of been the highlight of his fucking life and career

Good job mate you just missed your one shot at glory

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level 1
655 points · 1 month ago

"...And I'm Nikola Kalinic, and I have cable."

level 2

I’m Luka Modrić, and I have DirecTV

level 3
195 points · 1 month ago

I'm a student, and I have r/soccerstreams

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level 1

Is there a source for that? I thought he was complaining about his back. Either way, that sucks.

level 2
807 points · 1 month ago

He also declined to play in a friendly earlier in the month. Considering they can’t replace him on the roster the only reason to send him home was for disciplinary reasons. It’s pretty clear he was using it as an excuse.

http://www.espn.com/soccer/croatia/story/3532215/croatia-send-home-nikola-kalinic-after-he-declines-to-enter-as-substitute

level 3

Thanks

level 3

I don’t get this, if he were making a statement saying he is too good to be a sub why would he disguise it as being his back

level 4
349 points · 1 month ago

Because saying it outright would have gotten him kicked off much faster. If your boss gives you an assignment you don’t want to do you’re much better off saying “I’m too busy” instead of flat out “no”. If you continually use the busy excuse you’ll still get fired eventually.

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level 2
118 points · 1 month ago

That’s true. Zlatko Dalic said Kalinic complained about back problems three days in a row and that’s why he was sent home.

level 2
117 points · 1 month ago

His back "problem" was his excuse

level 3
58 points · 1 month ago

On the other hand, Vrsaljko had problems with his left knee, and still insisted that he's good to go against England. Also, Rebić had problems with his neck yet still insisted to play. Ćorluka was the first defender in all the lineups until this world cup, and he has always been a pillar of Croatia's defense. But the coach opted for Vida and Lovren, and Ćorluka said that he's going to do his best to cheer for them the best way he can from the bench. No individual is ahead of the team.

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level 3

He needed an excuse for his boss... To us he didn't want to communicate that he was refusing.. he wanted to communicate that they wanted him but he couldn't do it

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level 1

There's no 'I' in championship.

level 2
253 points · 1 month ago

Prvenstvo in Croatian

level 3

You're right.

He should have said "there's no I in Croatia".

level 4
162 points · 1 month ago

Well, there are no I's in Hrvatska.

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level 1
86 points · 1 month ago

In an alternate timeline he's ok with being a sub and somehow the butterfly effect causes Argentina to win the group and making it to the final instead.

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level 1

I don't think there is anyone rooting for France harder than this guy is.

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level 1
297 points · 1 month ago

He must feel like a real Dickola right now...

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level 1
31 points · 1 month ago

"Night of the fight you may feel a slight sting... That's pride fuckin' with you. Fuck pride."

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level 1
61 points · 1 month ago

DO be like the Croatian national team: Persevere and Play On!

level 1
214 points · 1 month ago

Löw did the opposite. Preferred treatment for the 2014 players despite them being shit or hurt all season or involved in scandals.

level 2

who would you have taken ?

level 3

Sané

level 4

the thing is he didn’t get in the squad due to his performances in the friendliest and his replacement, Brandt, did good when he played (not enough) in hindsight yeah, but at the time it was the right choice.

level 5
46 points · 1 month ago

Brandt was solid asf when he played, don’t know why he got such little playing time

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level 1

Why even go to the world cup in the first place then?

level 2

To start

level 3

But he had to have known he wasn’t a starter prior to showing up, right? Why wait until you’re literally invited to play in the game to be a jerk?

level 4

Well I have no idea about the back story but it certainly wouldn't be the first time a manager has changed his mind before a game and done some tinkering.

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level 1
2.6k points · 1 month ago · edited 1 month ago

What pisses me off the most about this is Marko Livaja (24 years old) had the best season of his career this year, and wasn't picked for the team, being less favoured than Kalinic... who basically threw away the spot.

level 2
247 points · 1 month ago

Also no other team played more minutes than Croatia, due to going to extra times in each game. They could have really used another striker with fresh legs to take the load off Mandzukic.

He would have gotten plenty of minutes, and could have been a hero.

level 3

That poor guy is going to need some serious recovery time after this all. He was hobbling at the end of their last 2 matches.

level 3

A whole extra game!

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level 2
472 points · 1 month ago

They should fly Livaja in for the final game as a sub for Kalinic, if that's allowed. Even as a bench warmer would be awesome for him.

level 3

It's not allowed, you have till before the tournament to submit a final 23 man squad

level 4
490 points · 1 month ago

I'll allow it.

level 5

Thanks

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level 4
63 points · 1 month ago · edited 1 month ago

They should have a Dipshit Clause in cases where one of your players decides to be a dipshit.

edit: I guess we'd have to add the Spiderman Rule.

(i) Everybody gets one.

level 5

Lmao France would use this fucking rule 15 times a tournament

level 6

Literally France '10 came immediately to mind.

level 7

lol france ‘10 was such a shitshow

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level 3
23 points · 1 month ago

It's not allowed

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level 2

Kalinic has generally been good for the repka. He's scored some clutch goals.

Livaja had some mental issues IIRC.

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level 1

His parents must be so disappointed.

level 2

For real—-Given how important soccer is in Europe, and that Croatia is such a small country without the history of major World Cup success, I bet it hurts more than anything for his family right now.

His parents got to witness him throwing away family legacy. The type that the later generations of the family get to brag to others about.

Oh well!

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level 1

Dont follow soccer much but based on this I think croatia has a good coach

level 1
123 points · 1 month ago

This attitude is for sure why he is only a sub

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level 1

If this won't be the biggest leason learned from anything ever I don't know what will.

level 1
14 points · 1 month ago

From his Wikipedia:

On the fifth day of the tournament, he was sent home after refusing to come on as a late substitute during Croatia’s first game of the competition against Nigeria, claiming to have a back injury. Kalinić refused to play for the same reason previously during a friendly match against Brazil, in England as well as during the previous day’s training session. Kalinić will not be playing in the cup final

level 1

I don't get why he didn't just try to put in a good shift to justify the coach starting him for the next game. That should be your first thought as a professional footballer

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level 1

What a bummer. Always stand in with your fellow man. A big head leads to big losses.

3 more replies

level 1
28 points · 1 month ago

Isn't it Rabiot ? (French player that did pretty much the same)

level 2

Rabiot refused to be on the alternate list. He didn’t get called up.

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