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Stickied postModerator of r/tifu

Welcome to the common fuck-ups megathread. You suggested it, and we listened.

 

You may be wondering what a "common fuck-up" is. Normally they are topics that are non-noteworthy or unoriginal, the minor things we fuck up. You can view them in our [wiki]. While we are being lax on this rule within this thread, we want to remind everyone that every other rule still applies, which can be found on our sidebar or [wiki/rules] page.

We will be having 2 megathreads a week:

  1. Monday-Friday for normal common fuck-ups
  2. Friday-Sunday for nfsw (rule 4) common fuck-ups

wiki pages: / detailed rules page / sidebar link / list of common fuck-ups / flair/NFSW filters / rules(report reasons) / FUOTW archive / other subs /

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22.2k

So my birthday is coming up and I found an item on eBay that I thought would be cool as a present. I figured I would casually mention it to both my wife and my mom...not thinking that either of them would actually try to bid on it.

Well lo and behold, they BOTH ended up bidding on it to try to win it for a birthday present for me and they unknowingly got into a bidding war with each other!!! They ended up driving up the price by about $200 before my wife finally won the auction. They could have just bought it new in the store for $50 less then she won it for!

TL;DR: I mentioned to both my wife and mom about an item on eBay I thought would be nice for my birthday...they unknowingly got into a bidding war against each other and drove the price up considerably.

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904 comments
8.6k

Obligatory: this happened a long time back when I was 11 years old.

My family (dad, mom, younger brother and younger sister) and I usually go for a swim in my grandaunt’s condominium pool every Saturday morning.

On one of these swim trips, as always, my dad comes to round us up around 11am so we can all take turns to bathe and we can all go for lunch by noon. I hauled myself out of the swimming pool and headed off to bathe in the condominium’s shower facility.

The shower facility is built a little differently as compared to a regular swimming pool’s structure, with all the individual cubicles facing away from each other, and the door to each cubicle leaving perhaps about 10cm (4in) of space from the ceiling, and about 5cm (2in) of space from the floor when fully closed. I took the largest shower cubicle and went about my usual shower.

You see, I have this quirk about me when I shower that when I finish my shower, I like to turn the tap to the coldest it can go, and blast myself till I get goosebumps from the coldness. This particular shower was no different from the usual, and I turned the tap to the maximum left.

Now, I have never been able to tell which side of the taps provides which temperature water, despite the red/blue indications on the tap. I’m not color-blind, but some universal indicators are not idiot-proof to the biggest idiot that is me. I honestly think that I’ve gotten damn lucky to have lived till I was 11 years old to not have died from a shower-related incident.

So anyway, I turned the tap to the maximum left, and stood under the harsh spray of water waiting for the water to turn cooler for a few seconds, to realize that the water was turning hotter and hotter. I knew then that I had turned to the wrong side, and tried to turn the metal tap back to the other side. But the tap was scorching hot, and the water that was spraying on me started to scald my skin. I quickly retreated to the end of the cubicle and tried to think of a way to shut the shower tap down. The hot water was spraying at my calves and feet, and I had to press my body against the cubicle door with my feet squeezing in the space between the door and the floor, and grasping onto the doorknob for balance. The door was an inwards-swinging door and I couldn’t open it unless I stepped back on the boiling hot water and had the hot water spray directly onto my face and torso.

At that point, the hot water had generated quite a bit of steam and I couldn’t see in front of my hand clearly (I’m also short-sighted) and I started to panic. I debated if I should call for my mom to rescue me, but I knew that my mom would give me a huge scolding and spanking for causing a disturbance in public, and so I held my tongue for a whole of 5 seconds, and decided to shout for my dad instead.

By some amazing dad instinct, my dad had felt that something was wrong before I had started shouting for him. At that time, my dad was sitting about 50-60m (164-196ft) away from where the showers were. He started towards the showers and as my mom was on the other end of the pool trying to round up my younger siblings, he decided to peek into the female showers to see if he could find me. My dad is this amazing family man and is the least perverted person ever, but he does have a one-track mind. To him, he told me later that he knew that I was in trouble somehow, and he had to find me no matter what. But obviously he did not consider his surroundings, and a middle-aged woman started scolding him loudly for being a pervert. Soon, a small crowd of swimsuit-clad women had gathered around him and was scolding him and threatening to get security while my poor dad was trying to explain that he was looking for his daughter. Not a moment later, my screams had started, and my dad’s claim on looking for me was validated. The women dispersed, only to huddle outside my cubicle door, chattering excitedly on what had happened to me.

My mom finally appeared with my younger siblings, and my dad pushed her in to come rescue me. At that point of time, my body felt like it was on fire, and I was finding it hard to breathe due to the hot steam scalding inside my nose, mouth and throat My entire body was turning pink (exact shade of pink raw chicken Gordon Ramsay slices open to berate his chefs) and I was starting to wonder if I was going to die at 11 years old. I started thinking that I had so many things I hadn’t done in life, and that I loved my parents and that I hadn’t even kissed a boy yet! And suddenly, my mom’s scolding and spanking seemed trivial, and stepping on boiling water and having boiling water scald my body seemed only a blip in the span of a lifetime awaiting me.

I decided to undo the door myself and got further scalded for a few moments and ran out to where my mom was waiting for me on the other side of the door. I was in pain and covered in first degree burns and butt-naked amongst a crowd of women, but I didn’t care. I cried and cried whilst hugging my mom, and have lived without another scalding shower till this day.

Fun fact: There was no scolding and spanking to be had from my mom that day.

TLDR: Locked myself in a boiling-hot shower for too long resulting in first-degree burns over my whole body, and my heroic dad who came to save me in the female showers was mobbed by the general consensus mistaking him for a pervert.

Edit: Wow this kind of blew up unexpectedly! Here's a crudely drawn infograph to depict the situation as best as I remember. Also, I think someone was asking about why I didn't just reach out to turn off the tap. But the thing is, the tap was situated quite far from where I was seeking refuge from. So to get to the tap, I would have had to run under the boiling water which was at the maximum water pressure the pipes could handle, and then slam my hand down on the scalding hot tap to shut everything off.

Anyway, I honestly didn't think of shutting the tap off. My main intention was to get to where my mom was.

Mom = Safety. No?

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593 comments
193

This actually happened today.

My wife and I were sat at a restaurant/ice cream parlor taking advantage of this awesome lunch offer they were advertising. The weather hasn’t been perfect this summer but the last few weeks have been wonderful. The weather has also proven to be perfect for the wasps who seem to have come out in full force this year. All around us, it seemed, people were swinging their arms out in an attempt to fight off these guys, flailing about in terror or staying incredibly still and hoping the fuckers would just lose interest in them and leave. It was actually quite a comical scene for a while but the wasps eventually found their way to our table and we then spent most of our meal trying to keep these guys away from our food and drinks like the rest of the diners.

The longer this barrage continued, the more annoyed I became with them. “Fuck it. I’m going to wack the next one with the fucking menu if it gets close to us” I said to my wife. This is precisely what I did and where I fucked up.

We were having a great conversation when one of these terrorists with wings buzzed past my ear and went straight for my drink. Fed up with this shit, I got the Menu out ignoring my wife’s “no, come on. Don’t’s”and smacked the fucker as hard as I could and hoped it would fly into the nearby lake and drown, or just fuck off entirely. With a loud “Thwack!” and to my horror, I watched, almost in slow motion, as my target bounced off my menu in the direction of an elderly woman in front of me who was stuffing her face with some delicious ice cream. My eyes widened, and my mouth puckered up mimicking exactly what my asshole did in that moment. I watched in horror as this wasp got catapulted directly into this poor old woman’s mouth. Everyone in the vicinity had seen what had happened and everyone gasped. As it was all computing in my head, I stood there frozen, while another man ran up to the old lady to make sure she was okay. I snap out of it immediately after that and run up and apologize profusely, she doesn’t say a word and appears to be in pain as she coughs out the wasp I put there. The wasp is very much alive and the woman didn’t seem to be doing very well at all. The staff comes to help, and shortly after, she’s gasping for air and this shit’s now become a serious emergency.

The wasp had stung her in the throat and her airway was swelling up and she was basically suffocating - at least that’s what I understood. An ambulance was called and we were not allowed to accompany her, but she was looking in pretty bad shape. The paramedics assured us that they now have it under control as they put her in the ambulance, but she needed to be rushed to the hospital.

So there we were. Left with everyone staring at me as if I did that on purpose. Completely mortified by what happened and after many apologies, my wife and I got the bill, left a massive tip and left.

I hope the lady is okay now, and if any of you reading this knows an elderly woman that this happened to today, I am so deeply sorry. Please reach out to me if we can help in any way.

Tl;dr: smacked a wasp with a menu card accidentally sending it down a woman’s throat. She got stung on the throat and had to be taken to the hospital because she was suffocating from the swelling.

Apologies for the shit formatting. On mobile.

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I just found this out by receiving the generic “thank you for your time but we are going to go in a different direction” email. I’m all like my time?? My interview is next week wtf? Well folks I was wrong and it was today and I missed it :( here’s why:

I was contacted via email to set up an interview. This was on Monday. The email said they wanted to “set up an interview next week, Thursday works best for us.” So I think, next Thursday and not this Thursday (today). Once the interview was confirmed, the actual date was never mentioned, so I had worries about not having the correct Thursday. I should have called to confirm but I didn’t, it slipped my mind. So because I have a misunderstanding about what the word “next” means, I missed my chance to work at an all-cat vet clinic and animals are my passion, I love kitties 😿

I keep telling myself my confusion about the date is legit to make myself feel better but really, it’s my fault, I feel like a dummy, I should have called.

TL;DR I missed an interview for an awesome job because I misunderstood the meaning of the word “next” and didn’t call to confirm the date.

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Obligatory this happened today and is a few hours fresh and probably NSFW

Also here's a Vocab word

Silkies- Basically Short Shorts that veterans love to wear and are the closest thing to Heaven or any other afterlife that equates to Paradise.

So in my time in the Marine Corps I fell in love with these magical things called Silkies. These bad mothersuckas are what I would wear to my grave because they're just so comfortable. However, the pair that I wore out to the gym have been with me for well over 3 years and definitely started to show the wear and tear. So fast forward to this morning and I'm forced by my friend to go to the gym so that I can get out of the house. Reluctantly I throw on my OG pair of Silkies and head out. The moment he laid his eyes on me he let out a long, exaggerated sigh and said "Dude no." In hindsight I should've taken that "Dude no" more seriously, but at the time I was so inclined to show off my sexy legs that I continued to insist that my Silkies were perfectly fine. He stared at me and then said "Okay" and boom there begins the adventure of League and his know it all friend.

Once there I immediately start stretching and I mean I'm absolutely stretching those hammies and lumbering up like I'm getting ready to chase a Gazelle and that's when I realized some girl was standing about 5 feet away from me. I gave her an awkward half smile and a "How do ya do m'lady" and she kinda just scoffed at me so I ignored her. So after that I hit up the curl station and I'm doing my thing when I hear a kinda loud "Sir" and then I turn around to see some lady just staring at me and her face is extremely red. I ask her what's up and she tells me that she received a complaint and I immediately thought it had to do with me being a weirdo for saying hi to a stranger but nope. She informed me that I flashed someone with my Alabama Black Snake and she needed to talk to me about it so she could hear my side before she acted. Immediately I feel a knot in my chest and I inform her that I have no idea what she's talking about. She then reiterates what she said and then tells me that this is as awkward for her as it is for me and that I should probably not wear those "shorts" again. Now I'm normally not the person who backs down from a situation, especially when it involves my babies, but the fact that I scarred some poor girl with my Ph.D definitely made me pack up my stuff and skedaddled out of there while uttering out quick apologizes. When I get to my car I sit down in the driver's seat and there it was. My junk staring me dead in my face and then I realized that my lining completely gave out and the bear definitely came out of hibernation when I was stretching. After I told my friend he cried laughing and then told me that he'll talk to the manager since they're good friends and she laughed then told him that they're banning short shorts now. So sorry everyone who may attend my gym.

TL;DR; My short shorts had a hole in them that was large enough for my peen to show its appearance and as a result I got them banned at the Gym

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9.4k

So this happened to me on Sunday and I figured if nothing else it could maybe net me some useless internet points! It was morning and the wife was at work. The kids and I were at home doing our normal Sunday routine, them playing video games and watching tv while dad cleans and does laundry. We live in a tri-level home. I was vacuuming the stairs from the main level to the upstairs. I thought I was on the bottom step, but it turns out I was on the 2nd to bottom step. I stepped down and there was no ground, so I fell. Attempted a pretty sick spin move and tried to land on my other foot. The added force plus the spin made my ankle roll. What followed was one of the sickest pops I've ever heard. Literally sounded like a gun shot. Immediate blinding pain and the feeling that I needed to throw up. Turns out I got a grade 2 sprain with avulsion fracture. This means the ligaments tore away from the bone so quickly that they pulled a part of the bone out. Now I have a stylish boot to wear for the next 6 weeks or so.

TL;DR: Vacuuming stairs, misjudged which step I was on, fell, twisted my ankle and ended up with an avulsion fracture. Send me internet points to speed my recovery

Edit: thank you so much you kind, beautiful strangers for your words of encouragement, well wishes, and advice! You’ve made me feel so much better and I’m glad to learn I’m not terribly alone in my clumsiness. Sending much love to you all!!!!

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651 comments
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So this happened a few weeks ago, just had the thought to post here now.

I work graveyard shift as a dispatcher at a local towing company, so I spend eight hours alone in the office (aside from a few drivers coming in and out). As the graveyard shift is pretty quiet, I like to play video games on the work computer using GeForce Now. As such, I decided to play a little bit of GTA Online before my coworkers got here in the morning and had the volume up on the speakers quite a bit. The fuck up here happened when the police called me via the direct office line to give us the location of a vehicle that needed impounding. Instead of being smart and pausing the game, I decided it would be an intelligent idea to turn the speaker and continue playing while I received the call details on the phone. I hit the power button on the speaker and directed my attention at the game, but must not have pressed hard enough because as the police dispatcher was hanging up the phone, I let off a shot in game. She hung up, and I figured she hadn't of heard, because they didn't call back. What I didn't realize, having only worked here for just over 7 months, was that it was police policy to send 2-3 squad cars depending on how dangerous they deemed the situation. So I continue to play GTA after I had dispatched my driver to the call, and was playing for around 5 minutes when two police cruisers peeled into the parking lot and enter the building guns drawn. I screamed like a little bitch and dropped on to the floor with my hands behind my head. One cop cuffed me while the other walked around and "secured the area". After the situation calmed down, I was able to explain myself and show them that I still had the game on. Now I'm sitting here writing this as I wait to hear if my job has enough staff to be able to fire me.

TLDR: The police arrested me at work because they thought my video game noises were an active shooter

Edit: While this did happen a week and half ago, my boss has had to wait for the owner of the company to return from vacation.

Edit 2: I'm not suspended right now just writing this on my day off

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Obligatory this happened yesterday, not today. I had put in fresh contacts, the same kind I always use because I thought mine were dirty- they seemed cloudy and I'd been using them for a month so it was time anyways. Put in new ones, still cloudy. Huh, weird, must be allergies. Eyes are itchy, so I fiddle with them a bit.

Suddenly l get the feeling of the contact shifting. Sometimes it'll get stuck a bit by my tear duct and I can blink it out. Go to the bathroom, I can see it in the upper right corner. Can't seem to massage it out, can't get it with my fingers or a moistened q-tip. Try flushing it out, nothing. By this time it's rather painful and bloodshot so I call my mom to see if she can drive me to an optometrist so they can take a look. My prescription is crazy strong so trying to drive there with only one eye would have been reckless.

Finally get appointment, doctor takes a look. She explains that isn't actually the contact stuck up there, it's (medical term I can't remember) that is the same colour. In my efforts to remove it, I've scratched my cornea pretty good. I have to wear an eyepatch the next few days.

I get the eyepatch on and notice purple waves in my vision. Huh, weird. I sat in the office waiting for some paperwork to get prinyed so I could sign and all that. After that my contactless eye (the scratched one) saw things a lot brighter than my other eye. Mention this and she gets concerned. Looks at my family history, does some more tests back in the chair and she tells me I have glaucoma.

My dad went blind from glaucoma when I was a teenager. She calls the opthamology office closest to us and I have an appointment in a few days. All because I poked at my eye.

TLDR; saw doctor for stuck contact, scratched my cornea, found out I have glaucoma so that's now getting dealt with.

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684

As is tradition this TIFU did not happen today, rather it happened 4 years ago in my Freshman year of high school. I’ve always liked computers and other electronics, which isn’t unusual but being in small town Arkansas, people thought I was genius because I could build a computer. People would always come to me with PC problems, jailbreaking/rooting phones and that stuff. At this point in my life I was a moderator on WeepForums, home to a modded Minecraft client where people would come together to discuss various things about electronics.

One day a user made a post in the rooting forum about zAnti, a pentesting tool that could be run on a rooted Android phone. Thought it was pretty cool, downloaded it and played with it for a bit. I discovered it had a MitM (man in the middle) feature where you could replace any HTML image that would load on a network with the image of your choice. I fucked around with it at my house, picked a funny picture of a cat and tested it. It worked well, any site you were on was just stuffed with pictures of a cat. After fucking with the app for a few hours I went to sleep.

Now I’ve fucked up. I wake up and go through my usual routine getting ready for class. I get to class, and all is well. Until Lunch. Lunch comes, and a friend of mine comes up to me “Hey how did you hack the school?”. Uh-oh. I wasn’t sure what he was talking about until I checked Instagram on my phone. Every photo, ad, profile picture, was this fucking cat. I started to panic. It finally clicked that my phone must’ve connected to the school’s wifi automatically and I’d never closed the app. I shut the app down and hoped I wasn’t screwed. I thought maybe they wouldn’t find out it was me, but students kept coming to me to ask about it. I was terrified, so I turned myself in.

After lunch during my physical science class I was called to the office, as I expected I would be. I had to talk to the principal as well as the IT workers for the school. They explained that they spent all day trying to figure out what the hell was going on, and that teachers who needed to teach from a PC couldn’t. They asked me what had happened, I told them everything, and showed them zAnti. They asked if any other student knew how to do it, and I said that I doubted it because I hadn’t told anyone how and that it required a rooted phone. They interrogated me for about 15 minutes, writing down all the details I gave them. I was sent back to class and after another 30 minutes was called back to the office. The principal decided to let me off the hook as it was an accident and I owned up to the mistake, as well as not having caused any other problems all year long. The IT department was not happy and had a strong disliking for me throughout my high school career.

I was asked about this incident just about every day until I graduated. From students, faculty and parents. I hated it, it’s all anyone wanted to talk to me about and I was really embarrassed about it to be honest. Now that I’m starting college I’m hoping this is behind me and I’ll never explain it again.

If you're curious, this is the picture.

TL;DR: I used a pentesting app on my phone to replace images on websites when accessed on the same network. I forgot about it and left it on when I went to school, "hacked the school", freaked out, turned myself in and got lucky as hell.

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This actually happened 35 minutes ago.

I have a very important day tomorrow, and I need to look sharp. I'm meeting with a ton of old friends, and as usual, you want to at least look good to make a good impression. I have recently bought a new beard trimmer that I have been dying to try out, as I have been stuck with an old almost broken old one for years.

I tried using my new beard trimmer, and I angled the trimmer as shown in the picture below. I had it set to 3.6 mm, and I thought this was a safe bet so I wouldn't cut off too much. Snap, and suddenly a thick patch of beard was obliterated out of existence. I had to follow through and shave it all off. I now look like a baby. ****. I didn't know you had to angle this type of trimmer in such a geometrical way to avoid respawning as a child.

Explanation of what happened: https://imgur.com/a/bJRM3sn

TL;DR: Shaved at the wrong angle, now I look like a baby.

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5

This happened a few weeks ago, not today, as is tradition of this sub.

I was working at a mall where my shop is doing multiple stores at the moment. We install fire sprinklet systems. When you go to work on a system you must first make sure it is empty of pressure and water, otherwise youll flood the store.

Draining systems is a two step process. First, you go to the riser room, throw a switch down and the water will be drained through a pipe that leads somewhere (typically whereever sewage is drained to).

Second, is to drain any residual water by either filling up a big trash can, or, if youre lucky, youll be working somwhere that has a sewage pipe already and you can run a garden hose into that.

Well, lucky for me, this store had one such pipe. Problem being i had never worked in this store so i was not sure where it was or what it looked like. I was told by another guy i was working with what to look for, and, thinking i found it, ran the hose into the hole and threw her open.

Satisfied with my work, i tell my foreman ill be right back and went to where our things where to grab some materials we needed. As i walk back in thr store, my foreman looks at me and just says, "you fucked up".

As it turns out what i thought was the drainage pipe was actually just a hole bored through the concrete that led into a receiving warehouse for the mall. Also, coicedentally that hole happened to be directly above the managers desk of the warehouse. So i dumped about 100 gallons of water all over her desk, computer, printer, a booksehelf and many, many other things. Had to spend my last 4 hours sweeping up what water i could while avoiding eye contact the best i could.

TLDR I drained a fire sprinkler system through what i thought was a sewagw pipe, but it turned out to just be a hole that was directly above a womans desk in a receiving warehouse.

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We went camping this weekend and Saturday night we had some drinks around the campfire. When it burnt out we all went to the bathroom before heading to bed. I must not have picked my ring back up after washing my hands. I thought I put all of my jewelry in my suitcase when I went to bed. I didn't realize it wasn't with the rest of my jewelry (we had dressed up for a renaissance fair) in the suitcase until I unpacked after the two hour drive home almost an entire day later.

I called the office, it's been all day and no cleaner has picked it up, so it looks like someone found it and pocketed it. We ordered another one to replace it and it wasn't super pricey, but I'm pretty upset I don't have the ring he proposed with anymore. Mostly I'm mad at myself for forgetting something so important.

TL:DR: I drunkenly took my engagement ring off to wash my hands and forgot it, allowing someone to pick it up and pocket it

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7

This actually happened today (kinda). So about half a year ago I signed up for the whole reddit gifts thing just because it sounded like fun to receive something from a complete stranger from a different country. Me being a lazy idiot sent the package really late but still in time, a few days later the package from the other guy arrived but I waited until christmas to open it. My package came from Estonia and it had a lot of estonian candy in it that I didn't know, so I was pretty excited and ate most of it. There was some stuff I didn't quite like, but my family ate the stuff I didn't like. Except for one thing. There was a can of fermented fish, similar to swedish Surstömming as far as I could tell. I know that Surströmming makes a lot of people puke so I obviously didn't open the can because I knew that nobody in my family would like it. I kept it anyways because throwing it away seemed a bit disrespectful to me and I thought that maybe I could some day convince someone to eat it just to have a lough. And since it's fermented and canned it practically doesn't get bad over time, so I just left it sitting in my shelf on display and eventually kinda forgot about it. Fast forward half a year: I was just sitting on my bed watching Netflix on my Laptop. The shelf is right next to my bed, it's the one from ikea that's basically 4x4 square compartements. Well long story short: In the middle of watching Saving Private Ryan I hear a loud "POP" to my right and feel something splash into my face. After a second the smell kicked in. I looked over to the shelf and immidietly knew what had happened. All 4 walls of the part of shelf were coated in Fish and oil. We had a pretty warm summer so I assume it must've heated up and the pressure was just to much.

I spent about an hour cleaning my shelf, wall, laptop and bed. The god awful smell of the fermented fish almost made me puke several times. The sauce or whatever the fish was in was extremely oily and it went between the boards of the shelf, so I had to pour water on the small gap and watch a smelly gray brown liquid come out of the bottom. My room still smells like fish and I don't think that's gonna change any time soon. I think the wood of my shelf soaked up part of the oily stuff. My laptop smells like fish aswell. I should have thrown that stuff away or put it in the basement.

TL;DR I got a can of fermented fish from reddit gifts and left it on a shelf next to my bed. Half a year later the summer heat made the can explode it's contents onto my shelf, walls and face. Now my room smells like fish.

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5

This FU started 9 years ago, but it was just yesterday that I realized it. This might be a bit technical, but I will try to keep it brief. I bought into a domain acccount for my email. Example: [panda@panda2297.com](mailto:panda@panda2297.com) 9 years ago I moved my domain to a new domain provider. At the time, I really wasn't sure how I was going to handle the email. So I bought at a low initial price their webmail service. Shortly after purchasing, I did some research and set up my domain email on Google apps. All I done was do what Google told me to do in which I had to set the MX records on my domain and I would get all my email through gmail under my domain.

Throughout the years, my domain would get auto renewed with this webmail service. It would get auto renewed to my card and a few times I updated my card. It wasn't until recently I saw the personal webmail service. I was thinking, does that service do something in forwarding my email through the provider to my Google Apps domain? Looked everywhere and couldn't find anything. I gave my provider a call and told them my situation to where I use Google Apps for email and confirmed I didn't need the Personal Webmail service. Customer service ended up refunding the cost for this year as it only got renewed a week ago. I must have spent at least a couple hundred dollars over the years. The invoices kept going up and up.

If I done some research and understood how my domain email worked, I could have avoided all of this cost. Since my domain was simply forwarding MX records, their webmail service is a paperweight.

TLDR: I paid for 9 years for a webmail service through my domain provider. I never needed or used it. Paid hundreds of dollars throughout the years for my mistake.

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43

This happened when I was around 12. As a kid my parents took me and my sisters to the South of France in Summer every year for around 3 weeks. This particular summer, those metal scooters were all the rage and I had begged my parents to bring mine along on our trip. They reluctantly agreed.

When we arrived I used my scooter at every possible opportunity, even when we were just hanging around the rented accommodation. I would often jump on it and scoot around outside without any shoes or socks on. My mum would constantly tell me to put shoes on before I rode the scooter, so I did as any kid does and only put shoes on when my mum was around.

One day we didn’t have any plans to go out, so as usual I grabbed my scooter and went for a scoot around outside without wearing any socks or shoes. Our accommodation was situated at the top of a long steep road which led into rural France and I was not allowed to go far from the house.

On this particular day I was feeling adventurous and got closer to the edge of the hill to have a look. However as I approached, the front wheel of my scooter went over the edge of the hill and I started to roll down the road. This is fine, I thought, I can always scoot back up. But before I knew it my scooter picked up immense speed and I was rolling down this hill out of control.

I immediately slammed by foot on the break at the back of the scooter, however it was made of metal and had been out in the sun all day so was now scorching hot. I screamed and removed my foot from the break and the sole of my foot was red and burnt. I was still speeding down this hill, now screaming and terrified that I was going to crash into whatever was at the bottom. I tried again to push my foot on the brake but again experienced severe burns and let go.

Now in a massive state of distress I continued flying down this road at high speed past French houses with families sat outside. I frantically looked around for some kind of help.

Suddenly to my right I noticed a church coming up with a wide driveway and a slight incline at the entrance. As I approached it I turned my scooter right and drove into it. My plan worked! The scooter went up the incline, lost momentum and slowed down. I took my opportunity and hopped off praising the lord.

Once I recovered from this traumatic journey, I began my walk of shame, with burnt feet, past the village folk and back to our house at the top of the hill.

My mum was not impressed and I did not get the sympathy vote. But I always wore shoes when using the scooter in future.

TLDR: Used metal scooter without wearing shoes (after being told to wear shoes) and the brake was too hot to touch so went flying through a rural French village like the crazy English girl I am.

Edit Pic of similar scooter

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hey guys so a couple days ago i was doing a fun exercise i’d done lots of times at my martial arts dojo. we would stack a pile of kicking pads and see who could get to the highest stack of pads. it was all going well until we got about 6 pads high (they’re each about 7 inches thick) and i was running up to leap over it. i planted my foot for the jump and i heard an audible click and felt something slide up my knee. the next thing i know i’m on the ground surrounded by pads and i can’t move my knee i pull up my pants to inspect it and i find a lump sticking up through the skin on my knee. i look at it poke it a little and decide that it’s probably a bone. at this point my friends run over and realize that i didn’t just fall down. my boss asks if i’m okay and i say i probably dislocated my knee cap. he says we should keep training without me and i drag myself to the side of the mat. pretty soon after that my mom shows up and drives me to the ER where they say that i ripped my meniscus they leave the room for about 5 minutes then they come back in and tell me that when i jumped my pcl pulled so hard on my tibia that it snapped about an inch off. after having surgery about a week ago i’m now sitting at home unable to really move. tldr: i was playing with my friends jumped and snapped my leg now i can’t walk for 6 weeks

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Happened last night.

Three years ago, the most amazing man on the planet proposed to me with the most beautiful handmade ring. It was aquamarine set in a vintage rose gold setting with tiny diamonds all around. Absolutely gorgeous. I loved it and loved wearing it, and it meant so much to me - we are a blended family, so to me the ring represented our love for each other as well as love for our respective children, the creation of a new family, and a new home.

The main stone in my ring was set up high, so when I did dishes, stuff sometimes got caught underneath it. I kept a soft toothbrush by the sink so I could take my ring off and clean it over a little bowl. Last night I didn't use the bowl for some reason and just did it over the sink. Of course I dropped it and it went down the drain. "No big deal," I thought. "It's the disposal side, which has a flat bottom, so I'll just reach in there and grab it."

It was about that time that my husband and the three kids realized what happened. They all started yelling and panicking and telling me to get out of the way so they could get it out. "But I'm getting it out!" I thought. "It's fine! Wait, now I'm panicking! Omg, I have to get it out! I have to turn on the overhead light so I can see down the drain!"

Only, I didn't turn on the light. I turned on the disposal, which has a switch right next to the light. The ring is a total loss. We had no jewelry rider on our homeowners insurance because my rings were literally the only jewelry of value that we own, but I filed a claim anyway. I don't expect a reimbursement, and honestly, I don't really want another ring. This one was the only one I cared about and having even an identical substitute is just not the same.

My husband is being so sweet about it and making light of it, but I feel like total shit. I don't know how he puts up with me.

Tldr; I ground my engagement ring up in the garbage disposal.

A "before" pic. 😊 http://imgur.com/gallery/RGzCHQX And after. 😥 http://imgur.com/gallery/mmVUzC1

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Obligatory this didn't happen today but happened last week.

Some context here - I live in a huge apartment complex that requires you to have a key fob to get in.

I was leaving one afternoon to go to the grocery store down the street and there was this man and woman who looked heavily distraught. As I was leaving they asked me if I could let them in.. well the apartment complex had warned us prior that there have been minor thefts in the mailroom and to be wary to let anyone in as they could go to the leasing office or security and could be helped there.

Anyway I said I did not have it on me (as you don't need it to leave) and that I was just visiting because I don't have the nerve to just say "No".

Well.. wouldn't you know the very next day as I was coming in from work they were there and saw I had a key fob and lived here.

However, I had assumed they did not remember my face because they didn't say anything.

Then we all walked into the elevator together to my dismay and apparently I live on the same floor as them.. right down the same hallway too...

As I'm unlocking my door they walk past and the man mutters, "Well I guess you do live here... neighbor"

shit

Haven't seen them since. Avoiding them like the plague because anxiety

Tl;Dr: Should have been honest and/or let in my apparent neighbors who I thought were possible thieves.

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I was out with my friend running a few small errands, and i got a text saying my bank account was looked at for possible fraud and gave me a number of 250 dollars via PayPal. I freak out and attempt to correct this. Seconds later, my fiancé calls me. I cut the conversation short to call the fraud report company number given to me via the text message, but she tried to tell me something before i hung up in a panic.

I called the fraud company thinking some random randy hacked my bank account. They deactivate my debit card the purchase was made on and send a fraud investigation paper to my bank. After I hang up with them, I call my fiancè back about the situation. She was a bit upset cause i hung up in a complete panic, im still shook up until she told me what she wanted to tell me before i hung up.

She made the purchase...

We share my bank account, and she had recieved money from her college for books and supplies that went to my account. 250 dollars of that money of hers was used to buy a laptop from Ebay with PayPal. Immediately after i profusely apologize to her, i call my bank letting them know the situation, and they would disregard it and let the fraud reporters know it was a purchase just made by my fiancè. I called the reporters back to make sure that the purchase would not be cancelled, which it couldnt be unless i told my bank it was fraud, which it thankfully wasnt, so she'll still get her laptop, books, and supplies before she starts college classes in a few days. Unfortunately, i cant use my card until i get a new one made by my bank tomorrow, but thats what i get for not thinking before i panic, and not listening when i needed to most.

TL;DR: Thought someone hacked my bank account, turns out it was just my fiancè making a purchase for college.

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So this is about 4 years ago now, when I was 12, I had recently got back to school and was wallowing in the piles of homework.

One night I had a big hunk of maths to do for the next day and I stayed up fairly late, all the lights on, heater on, computer on, everything. I just made a mistake and needed an eraser, but didn’t have one.

Now, I don’t know why, maybe I got too hot in my room, maybe I was tired, but for some reason unbeknownst to me even now, I decided that my only option was to remove the metal part of the eraser on a pencil so I could get to the eraser. What could I do this with? Obviously my razor sharp pocket knife.

I got sawing away at its smooth, round surface with my non-serrated knife, and suddenly bang. My knife slips, shoots forward and slices into all of the fingers on the hand holding the pencil. I look at it. Then I realise what happened as I feel the pain and blood pours out of the four linear cuts across my fingers.

I run to the bathroom and holding my bloody hand over the sink, only getting a few drops of blood on the carpet. In a few short seconds, my brother and then my father come in, see what happened, and then I’m off to A&E (ER in America).

Due to the idiotic nature of my injury, I tell the nurse that I dropped the knife while I was moving it, not that it would have mattered. I just couldn’t bear the embarrassment, it was almost worse than the pain.

Never finished the maths homework, but I did add a bit of personal touch to it along with my desk.

TLDR: needed an eraser for math homework, decided to cut one off a pencil and sliced up all of my fingers

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Posted by1 day agoGilded2
Comments are locked

Obligatory "this happened a few months ago."

This was easily the most stressful roller-coaster of an event that I hope I ever experience.

The scene is freshman year of college. I'm a wide-eyed innocent student having a great time away from his parents. I've made some good friends and enjoy messing with them. As such, I decide to pull a little prank on them. It starts with a simple idea: I'm going to Ohio on a business trip. I was actually going to lunch with my parents, but this was a more fun story. I hadn't initially thought out this entire prank, but just like high school presentations, I decided to wing it. Every so often I would go on these out-of-state "business" trips, but I stayed vague as to what my business was. I told them that it was somewhat illegal, but in more of a gray area.

My friends were incredibly intrigued by my illicit endeavors, and as time went on, they began to ask more questions about this business. I still had little to no plan for this ordeal, but boy did I milk it. I had them convinced that there were overseas bank accounts with millions of dollars in them and that I had several people involved in this business. At one point I told them the story of how one of my employees got caught trespassing on government property and I had to pay $10,000 to bail him out. I would "accidentally" send a picture of several thousand dollars, claiming it was meant to go to someone else with no other explanation.

This went on for several months up until about April. The semester was coming to a close, and I had to figure out a finale for my little project. My roommates were in on my prank and several iterations of plans were discussed. The final version of this bad idea plan was as follows: I will create an email address posing as the chief of police at my college. In the email, the officer (we'll call him Bill Myers) will inform my friends that he is currently looking to bring in ShortTail359 for questioning. I was very specific to say that no one should call 911 or contact anybody outside of this email address with the excuse that there was no official investigation so Bill was looking into the matter himself. I then went on to explain how ShortTail359 is conducting a business out of university housing and that this is all we know but the business might be illegal/dangerous. In summation: email me if you know of ShortTail359's whereabouts, don't call 911, don't contact anyone else in the police department.

I figured I covered my bases and sent the email. It was very well worded and quite convincing to a group of people who already believed I was running a secret business. Sure enough, my friends bought it hook line and sinker. One of them replied, informing Bill that she didn't know anything about my business, other than that I mentioned it occasionally. Three friends ignored the email altogether, and one texted me saying she didn't believe it.

The next three days were interesting. I had several classes with these people and finals were upon us so skipping class was not a good idea, but I had to make them believe I was on the run. Fortunately some of these classes had several hundred students and I was able to sit far away from our usual spots. The smaller classes I avoided altogether. Meals were eaten at odd times, and at one point I had to hide in the shower because a friend was in my dorm. I had no contact with the prank-ees outside the occasional text.

Fast forward to the Thursday I decided would be the day to reveal my shenanigans. I'm walking into class when these two men in suits stop me just inside the door. They ask me if I am ShortTail359 and upon confirming this they tell me they need to speak with me outside. We walk downstairs to the building's lobby where I am greeted by two more men who have guns at their sides. All four of them hold up their badges in dramatic fashion and one introduces himself as "Agent Michael Scarn with the FBI" (fake name obviously). It was approximately at this point that I peed a little bit as I realized that I was in some trouble.

Agent Scarn: "Do you know why we're here?"

ShortTail359: "No, but I have a pretty good guess."

Agent Scarn: "Well why don't you tell us what your guess is?"

I proceeded to explain the email I sent out along with a brief summary of the genesis of my prank. 50 minutes of questioning later and I had given Agent Scarn the password to the email account, signed an agreement saying I won't access the account or I'd face several charges, given a written statement of the events, crapped my pants twice, and completely missed my class. Agent Scarn gave me his business card and said they would be in touch.

I go back to my dorm and try to come to terms with the fact that I may have ruined my future career and life altogether. All my friends had a good laugh at my expense but not before I had a good laugh at their expense for believing my stupid business story. After a long sleepless weekend I get a call from a Sergeant at the police station. He says that he needs to meet with me and we arrange a time. I go down to the station and for 10 minutes all he does is yell at me and tell me what a stupid idea this was. Now I'm a pretty good kid. Never got in trouble in school, honor roll, never so much as a speeding ticket, so having a police officer yell at me was a new experience. He finally calms down enough for me to explain that this is an anomale and that it was supposed to be an innocent prank. He believes me and tells me that regardless, they're going to charge me with criminal impersonation which is a class A misdemeanor. My court date is set for a couple weeks from now and that was the end of it.

I go to court fully prepared to leave with a no longer perfect record. As the staff is processing me and taking my mugshot, a lady asks me what my name is. I tell her ShortTail359, when a guy jumps around the corner and yells "But you can just call him Chief Bill Myers!" This was a much needed laugh and also informed me that word of my idiocy had gotten around town. I go into the court room and waited for this lighthearted judge to call my name. Most of the charges were speeding tickets or marijuana related so the judge was moving pretty quickly. However, he calls my name and then pauses. I walk up to the podium and he's still paused, clearly reading over my file. He looks up at me, and then back down at my file again. After reading it completely through, he just starts laughing. Several minutes go by before he finally asks me if I have any sort of criminal history. I tell him I don't have so much as a speeding ticket and he asks if I would like to keep it that way. I happily say yes and he give the DA my paperwork. The DA asks for my story and tells me that he's never seen anything like this before (something I had heard several times at this point). He informs me that this is something they could have expunged as long as I pay my court fees. I thank him and go back to waiting for the judge to call me up again.

When he does, a smile immediately dawns his face and he begins to chuckle. At this point I'm relieved enough to let out a giggle of my own since I can feel the entire court room wondering what I've done. The judge tells me that he will expunge my charge and asks me if I will ever do something like this again. I assure him that I will not and he says, with a smile on his face, "You know son everyone in this court room is wondering who you impersonated, but I'm going to do something that you should have done and keep my mouth shut." I thank him and sheepishly walk out of the room.

Later that day I took the required documents back to the court and had the whole charge expunged in a matter of hours. It was easily the most stressful month of my life and was not worth it at all, but I am now able to walk around with an FBI agent's card in my wallet and keep a fond memory of being laughed at by a judge.

TL;DR: I play a prank on my friends that ends with me being questioned by 4 FBI agents for almost an hour and charged with criminal impersonation.

Edit: Here’s a link to Agent Scarn’s business card. It’s a little faded since it sits in my wallet. https://imgur.com/gallery/9hVW0Oa

Edit 2: Spelling

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So...technically this started yesterday. I work part-time in a supermarket restocking products etc and yesterday my colleague pointed out some weird Fanta bottles. I went to take a look at them and almost all of them came with a slight production fail (normally all Fanta bottles have this "body" shape while these ones were just straight). So I went to my superior and after showing her and explaining she said to put them in the "failed/broken" stuff part. I put the entire pack there and go on with my night. Today, while working, I had this brilliant idea of asking my boss if I could buy all of them (they were on sale and she said I could buy 2 and pay for 1)to which she agreed. When store closes I happily go and put all of them in a cart, but then I realize I should open one to check if everything is alright. I grab one bottle, start slowly opening and splaaaaash, gas starts exploding out of it and all over me and my newly washed uniform. I keep opening, taking a nice Fanta bath, until I take the lid off and there's only about 15% of actual juice left. Everything got caught on camera and I'm tempted to ask the guard to let me watch myself just standing there while getting showered in Fanta tomorrow. Tl;dr: Wanted to be a meme by buying too many Fanta bottles and they turned against me.

Edit: picture of bottle (original and the failed one) + gif of me getting bathed in the comments.

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Obligatory this happened about 5 months ago

I was starting to get mad at myself, don’t remember why though, so I hit myself on the head twice, with force.

A week later a excruciating headache hit me like a mac truck, and i knew deep down that this was because of the self injury, i looked it up and it was definitely a concussion, i walked to the kitchen to get a drink to calm myself down but i began convulsing while i was conscious, scared myself so bad i didnt get a drink and went to bed to sleep it off.

I was wrong, thinking i could sleep it off as it continued for about 3 months when i went to the doctor, i didnt tell her that i hit myself, so she just wrote it off as an eye problem and said i need glasses.

They didnt help and i started praying to God to make it stop. 5 months later still have the same constant headache.

I have to tell my Mom or I’m afraid I wont make it. TL:DR: I hit myself on the head and gave myself a concussion headache that has lasted 5 months

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So I've been busting my ass working for the last few months two buy an upgrade for my computer for work purposes.

Was running an i5-6600k and upgraded to a 7820x. New x299 mobo was needed.

Anyway, me and a friendly got it all together and it was looking absolutely fine with RGB lighting etc. So we get round to mounting the drives on the back of the case. SSD goes on fine. HDD on the other hand is chunky and has a shed load of screw holes, no none of which align with mounting plate. So we flip the HDD and the plate screws lined up perfectly. (See where this is going yet?)

So we unscrew the plate of the HDD and the bitch is showing a shit load of resistance to take off so we decide, "hmm, that's probably supposed to stay there. So we just mount it to the HDD slots on the inside.

Now I'm trying to boot this bitch up for hours. Upgrading bios, reinstalling windows on SSD. The works.

So I do a little research and low and behold, I learn that these HDD's are fucking hermetically sealed and the slightest bit of dust can cause issues.

So here I sit with my 4TB drive full of motion graphic, video editing and design stuff just not available. All my games that I can't play.

Just end me please

TLDR - Naive man opens HDD and loses work and games and maybe his job if he can't repair it

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38

It's nearing the ten year anniversery of this happening. So, not exactly Today, or even close to it.

I was 14, last year in middle school (or is it junior high in the U.S?). School ended at 2:30 p.m. and the classes after lunch were brutal. One day, I asked for permission to go to the bathroom close to 1.

Skip this paragraph if you don't wanna read about buildings!The campus consisted of two main buildings and a huge yard connecting these two. The entrance (drop offs) was closer to the bathroom building, and then you had to walk to the main building. The main building had two floors below the ground floor, so there were about 10 steps you had to take to get to the porch/balcony about 6-7 meters wide. Immediately in front of the steps would be the front door, and to its sides lockers and vending machine and plants. This area had walls as high as 1.5 meters surrounding it so kids wouldn't fall off the balcony.

The bell had a button in the principle's office, and one outside. The one outside was right next to the actual bell, and it was high up on the wall but if you could climb the shorter bordering walls on the side, you could reach it. They were thick enough that we would always sit on the shorter walls.

So I was passing the yard to go to the bathrooms when I saw my friend, who was going back to class (different class) and we stopped to chat. She said something about wanting to go home, and it gave me this crazy idea. I said I was going to ring the bell, and she was going to tell the other people in class, and text other people in other classes to follow the lead and leave.

My friend went to class, I gave it a few minutes and then did my thing successfully. I rang the bell, and jumped down (still remember the pain shooting up my entire body) and ran to the other side of the campus and locked myself in one of the bathrooms.

Not long after, I heard laughing and footsteps and couldn't help but get out to watch about 70-80% of the students with their bags heading out. It was hilarious, teachers running after them and the loud announcement that "school is not over" and "anyone who is not back in class will be suspended".

I actually did go to the bathroom, and then a few of my friends cornerred me to congratulate me on the best "senior" prank ever. It took the faculty about half an hour to get everyone back to class, because people were arguing that they heard the bell and that they saw some people leave the school already. After that, back in class, nobody could stop talking about this and laughing at the whole thing. We basically ended up wasting the entire last period, and it was great.

A few people did actually leave, and one of them was suspended. I was caught as well, they saw me running around in the yard and as the resident badgirl of the school, they didn't even bother suspect anyone else.

As for punishment, there was a three day long school trip that I wasn't allowed to go on - but I had to go to school those three days and go to detention during school hours. It was over the weekend, too and I was the only one.

TL;DR : climbed a wall to rang the bell at 1 p.m when school was supposed to finish at 2.30. Had a friend tell everyone to leave when they heard the bell, and most people actually did so. We killed about a half hour and laughed a lot. But I was caught and had to miss a 3 days out-of-city fun trip to go to detention.

Edit : Had the hardest time describing the building in English. (Not my first language)

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