Men who regret getting married, what’s your reason? by SeaOrgCaptain in AskMen

[–]IntrepidBeachcomber 14 points15 points  (0 children)

You are mostly referring to situational depression which is tied to an event or circumstance in life that is eventually overcome or managed through will and/or time, vs. clinical depression which involves someone's brain chemistry and exists no matter the circumstances or what the sufferer wants. OP passingly mentioned that his wife suffers from postpartum depression, and listed things that are usually classic symptoms of depression, so maybe instead of writing her off as a lazy, gold-digging, stay-at-home bitch who's going against her word now that the kid is here, perhaps there are things going on in her head that can't be controlled without outside help, and that the first thing might be how to get her into the doctor and therapist's office and get her on the right meds, and see if anything changes.

What is the best way to please an Indian mother in law? by hellokitty096 in ABCDesis

[–]IntrepidBeachcomber 7 points8 points  (0 children)

They're not all the same, so you're not going to get any useful advice. Maybe you should get to know her first and establish a connection with her. Just don't engage in public displays of affection with your SO, that's the only accurate generalization one can make about Indian families.

Sunday dating thread, for advice and discussion. by AutoModerator in ABCDesis

[–]IntrepidBeachcomber [score hidden]  (0 children)

Don't bother with this person, they post this same exact "dilemma" and dating-while-FOB questions over and over again. Theirs is not a sincere query.

Sunday dating thread, for advice and discussion. by AutoModerator in ABCDesis

[–]IntrepidBeachcomber [score hidden]  (0 children)

Stop trolling. Seriously, you ask this same exact question over and over again no matter how many times people have generously responded to you in the past.

Minority vs majority by lolgetexposed in ABCDesis

[–]IntrepidBeachcomber 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I live in NYC where there are lots of Guyanese and Trinidadians and not only are they very different from born and raised South Asians (obviously), but they're also really unlike us ABDs. They don't constantly look back towards India, they don't feel the same cultural conflicts, and all the ones I've known are content with being Guyanese/Trinidadian Desis, and they own it. Probably because they've been out of South Asia for generations, at this point.

Minority vs majority by lolgetexposed in ABCDesis

[–]IntrepidBeachcomber 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Growing up as a majority vs. a minority is definitely a different kind of existence. It's why first generation immigrants who move to their host country in their adulthood and/or people living in South Asia aren't as bothered by things like cultural appropriation by Westerners or even racism against them to the extent we second generation are. It also makes a world of a difference when you feel connected to the history of where you were born and raised. Like when I was taught American history, I felt absolutely no connection to pilgrims, the Founding Fathers, the establishment of this country, etc. Or when the default culture is your ancestral one and the media is composed of people who look like you. The feeling was opposite when I got to study South Asian history, and later on lived in South Asia.

Any time I have blended into a local population -- whether in South Asia, southern Europe, Mid East, or Hispanic enclaves -- it feels so nice. No one staring at you, asking offensive questions, making assumptions about you, saying stupid things because of your race.

Which subcultural transition is easier? East coast => West coast or vice-versa ( USA ) ? by cyanocobalamin in AskWomenOver30

[–]IntrepidBeachcomber 6 points7 points  (0 children)

West Coast to East Coast.

I'm from California currently living in NYC, but when I went back briefly for a business trip, I realized that I needed to get off the "NY minute" and to really unclench. I also found myself annoyed at the much slower pace, cashiers making really long conversations at the register/counter, the immediate faux intimacy that strangers established right away when they first meet you, and people being passive aggressive.

Men who regret getting married, what’s your reason? by SeaOrgCaptain in AskMen

[–]IntrepidBeachcomber 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Untreated postpartum depression can last up to years. So can non-postpartum depression, not sure why you think depression for some people has an expiration date.

Is putting “no black women.. sorry not sorry” on your dating profiles okay or is it harmless? by Whyyoulurkin__ in AskMenOver30

[–]IntrepidBeachcomber 3 points4 points  (0 children)

People don't already have a set of preconceived notions and make assumptions about your values, beliefs, customs, what your religion is, your attitude, your preferences, your behavior, your mannerisms, your parents and family, wondering what your genitalia looks like, and what your appearance is without ever having seen you, nor do they see you as an experience to be had (like "I've never fucked a short guy before, would love to try because in my mind it's exotic") or say things like dating you casually is one thing but marriage is not just because you're short. They do do this with race.

Men who regret getting married, what’s your reason? by SeaOrgCaptain in AskMen

[–]IntrepidBeachcomber 26 points27 points  (0 children)

When she decided on being a SHM we made some ground rules all of which she has forgotten about.

She never does any cleaning, cooking, shopping, or anything else that doesn’t impact the baby.

She has been suffering from postpartum, which she refuses to get help for

I don't have kids so I can't speak from personal experience, but my understanding is that postpartum is serious and can wreak havoc on the sufferer's mental health. Maybe she doesn't do those things because of the postpartum, especially if what she says and does seem out of character compared to before.

Is putting “no black women.. sorry not sorry” on your dating profiles okay or is it harmless? by Whyyoulurkin__ in AskMenOver30

[–]IntrepidBeachcomber 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I'm not Black but ethnically Indian, and while I am no stranger to racism, doing online dating was a big shock. I never have problems in the real life with attracting a diversity of men, but online, suddenly, most people wanted to have nothing to do with me just because of the race I ticked off -- majority of my matches in my age group were White American men, and the majority of those guys wanted to date other Whites and/or explicitly stated they were only open to White, Asian, and Latina women. I also came across a surprising amount of minority men who wrote they were only interested in White women. And this is in NYC. The other extreme was getting intentionally sought out as some racial object to experience -- the vast majority of my messages were racially sexual, really disgusting stuff. I just got tired of getting filtered out (unlike most women, I wasn't bombaded with messages and didn't get many views, so I changed my race to White as an experiment, and suddenly my visitor count skyrocketed), the vile messages, and coming acoss 90-something match percentages only to learn that they didn't want to date my race, and so stopped doing OLD. Unless the apps fix the racial preferences thing whereby you're only shown matches who would consider dating someone of your ethnic background, I'm not going to bother, and just stick to meeting people in real life where my race (and age) matters way less or not at all.

What we're you planning to do in your life as your approached your forties soon? by rightnowwhynotyes in AskWomenOver30

[–]IntrepidBeachcomber 0 points1 point  (0 children)

(urban vs beach, basically) and as of today, I’m not yet ready to let go of my “city self” no matter how often I dream of living near the ocean.

There are coastal cities, so ocean-lover and city person aren't mutually exclusive. LA, NYC, Miami, San Francisco, etc.

These awesome guys were giving out free meals at the JSQ PATH Station in honour of Sikh Appreciation Month. by NewJerseyRed in newjersey

[–]IntrepidBeachcomber 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hinduism is a mash up of unrelated religions invented by the British.

I can be wrong but let me know.

This is completely and utterly false. And it's so easy to Google it yourself to see how wrong you are.

How old were you when you met your current partner/spouse? by aisha_thecontinent in AskWomen

[–]IntrepidBeachcomber 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This sub tends to be on the younger end. r/AskWomenOver30 is for those over 30, and this question has been asked there.

How does sunscreen stop you from getting burnt? by L-Bread in askscience

[–]IntrepidBeachcomber 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I live in NYC where it's not exactly beach season right now, but last week at the beach when it was like 61°- 65°, people were laying out in bikinis and swim trunks trying to tan. People are so obsessed with tanning.

What are some things that girls do that you don’t like? by TestNameIgnoreMe in AskMen

[–]IntrepidBeachcomber 4 points5 points  (0 children)

im like omg STOP

This is so valley girl. See, she lives inside you too.

What are some things that girls do that you don’t like? by TestNameIgnoreMe in AskMen

[–]IntrepidBeachcomber 3 points4 points  (0 children)

that stupid valley girl voice

Some of us grew up in So Cal and can't help it.

Over the years I have tried to tame the inner valley girl, but she comes out when I let my guard down or get too excited.

Sikh Coalition accepting applications for its 7th Sikh Advocate Academy, its signature advocacy training program in Washington D.C., until April 25, 2018 by IntrepidBeachcomber in ABCDesis

[–]IntrepidBeachcomber[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

From Sunday, June 17, 2018 – Friday, June 22, 2018 in Washington, D.C.

This week-long all-expenses paid training is hands-on and will provide you with the skills necessary to effectuate change through government action. Applicants with some community organizing or community leadership experience will benefit the most from this program. Selected applicants will get to interact with class peers and learn from some of the best advocacy leaders in the country.


  • At least 18 years old (no upper age limit)
  • U.S. residency
  • Demonstrated interest in civil rights and social justice
  • Pledge to work on Sikh Coalition projects for at least one year after graduation