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Ladybugoleander commented on a post in r/CrohnsDisease
Ladybugoleander 2 points

I love coffee as long as I have a bathroom I can use after I drink it, haha. It really gets my bowels moving, but in a bad/crampy way.

I don't do soy or dairy, so I like iced black coffee, sometimes with a splash of coconut milk, or if I'm being indulgent a mocha with coconut milk (their mocha syrup is dairy free), or vanilla latte with coconut milk. I just can't do any of the seasonal or crazy flavors. The refreshers are also pretty good!

Piee314 2 points

Morning time is the worst. I honestly don't know why. If someone could ELI5 I would appreciate it!

Some stuff that you might try, although I might guess you already have most of this covered. - Talk to your doc about using a binder (Questran, etc.) - Imodium first thing upon waking - Drink a glass or two of water upon waking, sometimes the added weight/pressure seems to help me get the business done - Plot out every bathroom along your route, or change routes for more options - Get up earlier, do some work or whatever before you leave if possible

For me cardio helps both get stuff out and get my bowels to quiet down so honestly if that is not helping I'm not sure my advice will help you much.

It sucks. I have days where my commute it quite dangerous. Not fun. If things are bad I drive instead of taking the bus and take a route where I know I have lots of reliable pitstops along the way.

Ladybugoleander 1 point

Forgot to comment about your imodium advice. I used to use that and then a different one my doctor prescribed, but they both made my stomach hurt sooo had, and they reduced my bowel movements, but I still had the same urgency when I did have to go, which is weird and just all around uncomfortable. So I haven't used them in a long time.

Ladybugoleander 1 point

Yeah, morning is definitely the worst!

I will try drinking more water when I wake up and waking up a little earlier, although I don't think I can wake up too much earlier haha.

I'm really frustrated that cardio doesn't help at all. I just don't understand it.

I also don't want think there is a way for me to get to work that has bathroom spots, at least that are open at that time. I'll have to double check though. My old work route had a bunch, and it was a life saver! But now I have a new job, and haven't found any on this route.

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fun_bun89 1 point

Fabric Softner Wash the best cotton etc on high heat also (stops pilling) I know it sounds wrong, but it is right

Ladybugoleander 1 point

This is very much the opposite of what others have said, haha. Very confusing!

[deleted] 2 points


Ladybugoleander 1 point

Good to know, I thought fabric softener would help keep it soft!

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Ladybugoleander commented on a post in r/popping
lissa03x 17 points

Its like there's no rhyme or reason to what pimples they choose to pop. Its all over the place and skipping spots and moving from cheek to foreheat to other cheek to chin and not finishing at least one section at a time. It is just me that it irks the hell out of. It gives me anxiety to watch it done like this

Ladybugoleander 1 point

I feel the exact same way!!!

Yiskra 9 points

Just another quick thought-

You mentioned in one of your follow up posts that he misses all these fast food places.

Think he might have a bit of fun with you if you found copy cat recipes and had him help you try to make them? Some of them suck but some of them can be pretty darn close. SO not only is he getting the food he misses, but it may be healthier, he's part of the process and appreciates the work it takes, and its sort of forcing you two to bond a little bit.

I wouldn't push it on him but its just an idea to adapt in any way it works for you guys.

Ladybugoleander 2 points

I really like that idea, and I think he'd like it too. I don't know if he'll go for it, but it's definitely worth a try. Thank you!

Yiskra 3 points

Btw look on pinterest. I've found tons of copy cats for various places. Lots of bdubs, taco bell etc.

Ladybugoleander 3 points

Ok cool. I'll look and see :)

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Ladybugoleander commented on a post in r/stepparents
bigfootbreadstick 6 points

Also, I'm curious on where you draw the line in your own relationships between step-dad / dad. My kids consider me a dad to them. They understand they have two dads. My wife wants me to act exactly as if I was their BD. To me, I like to step back a little and try to leave myself a little more freedom since they aren't biologically mine. I understand this is a grey area so I'm curious what it is like in your home.

Ladybugoleander 6 points

I'm having the same issue. I have no kids of my own. I'm essentially like a second mom to the SKs (essentially main mom since BM isn't really in the picture at all). My SO wants me to be mom in all respects, but I'm not comfortable with that.

I care for the kids, make dinners, take them places, etc. But I'm not comfortable with parenting them and making parenting decisions for them. If they're going to be punished or grounded, it's not going to come from me. I advise my SO what I think should happen, or if SK does something bad when he's not around, I tell them I will have to talk to SO when he gets home about it and he will deal with it with them. The only exception is SS3, who needs timeouts, etc right then and I'm comfortable doing that. If the kids want to go to a friend's house, or want to know if they're allowed to watch TV, anything like that is always "ask your dad". I don't make decisions like that and I don't want to. I also don't get up early with the kids on the weekends. They're not my kids, and I love sleeping in lol.

I hope that helps a bit. When you're the main parental figure besides the birth parent it's hard not to get too involved. It really just depends what you're comfortable with and happy with.

Ladybugoleander commented on a post in r/stepparents
Sam_189 2 points

I don't have anywhere else to go. I wouldn't be making more money if I wasn't watching him. I work from home, I make about $650 a month. It's not very much, but I tried for months to get a "real job" and got fired from my last two jobs so I just started working from home for that reason and because I do not want to put the baby in daycare when it comes.

I tell him that's a mean/rude thing to say. He shrugs his shoulders because he doesn't care if he is mean. I used to put him in time out but I stopped that because he would just scream and cry about how mean I am while he was in time out so that just made him hate me more.

Ladybugoleander 3 points

Letting a kid not go to time out because they scream only reinforces the bad behavior. They learn they can be a brat, but if they scream enough they can get away with it.

I've read your other posts, and I'm just wondering, why? Can't you get a roommate and move out? You're miserable, you're doing too much, we all know this by now. What are you willing to do to change this? I'm not trying to be rude, I know how hard it is. I was in an abusive relationship because I thought I "couldn't leave" because of finances and all kinds of reasons (not saying this relationship is abusive). But you'd be surprised what you can do, and how happy you are when your sole concern is just yourself and your soon to be baby. There HAS to be a way for you to be happy in all this, but you have to be willing to make some kind of changes in your life.

Ladybugoleander commented on a post in r/stepparents
Ladybugoleander 7 points

I've also read that girls learn how to feel about their body from their mom (or female role model in their life). So you should always talk about yourself and your body positively. Say you look good, you feel good, you look good in pictures, etc.

My mom growing up never said a SINGLE negative thing about my body and always told me how beautiful I was, but she would say horrible things about herself, like that she was soo fat and ugly, and she would never take pictures with us or if she did would say first how beautiful we looked, but second how ugly and awful she did. I ended up having a lot of body issues, so I think this is a really big factor. Not only positively reinforce the girls, but model what good self esteem and good body image is for them!

Ladybugoleander commented on a post in r/stepparents
Ladybugoleander 15 points

I think this is a wonderful idea! It's a really sweet, wonderful Christmas present (or Hanukah, or present in general, hopefully I'm not being offensive, haha). And you get a vacation too! As long as you make it clear that he's there to see the kids, you're there to have a vacation. If you want to see the kids too that's up to you, but you definitely don't have to. And depending on the arrangements, it might even be awkward for you too.

I feel like it's really sweet, just make sure those kind of details are fleshed out beforehand.

Ladybugoleander commented on a post in r/stepparents
Ladybugoleander 7 points

I don't have any advice on how to not be a resentful bitter ahole, because I think you should be a little bitter! You want a wedding. You're not asking for a HUGE ridiculous wedding, you just want a really simple nice one!

Can your parents and his parents come together to help fund the wedding? Can you do it even cheaper than you'd hope by ordering a dress online and going to a public park for it or something?

I don't think you should forgo your dreams. You don't want to be resentful of your SKs or your DH. Tell him how important this is to you, even explain that it's hurtful (if it is) that it's not important to him. Communicate this with him and make a real, solid plan to do this for you and for your relationship. You really aren't asking much! Celebrate your marriage! Have a wedding!!

Ladybugoleander commented on a post in r/stepparents
Imalittelbird 2 points

How long have they been split up/apart?

That is really icky behavior. SO and his parents should shut her down.

Ladybugoleander 1 point

It's been 2 years.

Imalittelbird 1 point

Yeah he and they need to shut her down. That's a long ass time.

Ladybugoleander 1 point

Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous :(

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Ladybugoleander commented on a post in r/stepparents
Ladybugoleander 14 points

It sucks when you know what's the "right" thing to do, but you can't because it's not your kid. I feel like that's the hardest thing about being a step parent. I don't have bio kids, so I wonder if it's easier to see what's "right" without being clouded when it's a step child over a biological child?

Hopefully she will grow out of this. Maybe try talking to your SO about it again? At least you know how to respond to the behavior if she does it to you.

Ladybugoleander commented on a post in r/stepparents
Sam_189 0 points

He doesn't know she threw him away. He's a lot slower than normal kids his age. I've tried to hint at things to get him to figure it out, like "Why do you think your mom never sees you?" And he'll say she's so busy all the time. I told him she's not busy because she doesn't even have a job like dad and I have. But no matter what she's a perfect saint.

Ladybugoleander 17 points

I seriously know how hard this is, but I don't think you should say anything like this to him. He will figure it out eventually when he's older and ready to. You also don't want him to resent you when he's older for saying bad things about his mother. Even though they're true, like you said she's a "saint" to him so he's not going to realize it all until he's much older. He wants to believe she's busy, etc. That's a lot easier to think than to realize his own mother is a piece of crap. You know?

Ladybugoleander commented on a post in r/stepparents
Hai_kitteh_mow 6 points

I know it's probably just because I am hormonal (PMS) but this weekend was a bit rough for me. Friday was date night with SO, and we got grandpa to take SS3 over night. From the minute I came home from work (SS3 was already gone) throughout the night, SO just kept mentioning how much he missed SS. Which I completely understand, I miss him when he isn't around either. But I have been feeling a bit disconnected lately and really was looking forward to us time. I didn't say a word. Cue later, in bed and trying to get intimate, I ask him what he's thinking and he just says SS again. I felt like an asshole but it really hurt my feelings. I just wanted a little bit of his time and attention. I would never ever tell him he can't think of his son or anything, I just felt...kind of ignored.

Then comes yesterday, SO at work and I have SS3 all day (which is normal for weekends). I have a fun filled day for SS3 which included making Christmas ornaments, baking goodies, painting, coloring and playing. While we were happily making ornaments he nonchalantly said "I like this, but I don't like you" and I said "What? You don't like me?" and he said no. OK well he is three, I am unsure where that came from but I brushed it off and said "well I sure do like you little buddy" and we continued. Later, we were playing hide and seek, and he got distracted by spongebob and forgot he was looking for me. I came out and said "Hey bubs, did you forget to come find me?" and he said "Nope, I just hate you". That one actually hurt my feelings a bit. I know it kinda seems silly to let a 3 year old hurt my feelings but I said "Hey, you know what, that really hurts, I love you very much and I am playing with you, why do you so those things?"

He didn't really have an answer but he wasn't really acting out or anything. HOWEVER, we had a face time appointment with BM, who he shows no interest in face timing with (this could be due to the situation she put him in.) He was slapping the phone away, hiding his face, and generally not in the mood to face time her. After we hung up, he clinged to me all night and wanted cuddles.

SO while I have let go of the hurt feelings, I just needed to let that out.

Ladybugoleander 3 points

I get what you mean about your SO missing SS during your time with him. It's the same way with my SO. I love SKs and I miss them too when they're gone, but I also really enjoy the rare times alone with SO, yet he says and does the same thing. Maybe it's different when it's a biological kid? I don't know. I just try to be understanding and not feel hurt by it. I'm glad I'm not the only one who experiences that.

Ladybugoleander commented on a post in r/stopdrinking
notgonnabemydad 2 points

I'm sure I can find something, but I love to talk about food! I've gotten really into using the InstantPot, and it cuts down considerably on the time it takes to make cold weather dishes like stews, soups, chili, etc. I can make bone broth in 2 freakin' hours! I've gotten pretty into drinking flavorful bone broth during cold weather. It's got a ton of nutrients, and can be sipped like tea. I like to put a bunch of garlic in it.

Ladybugoleander 1 point

Everyone has said how awesome these are! Somehow I'm still skeptical... Haha!

notgonnabemydad 1 point

I just steamed eggs in them instead of hard boiling. The shells just peel right off now! It's kinda scary how miraculous this thing is.

Ladybugoleander 1 point

Whaa? That sounds awesome!

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Ladybugoleander commented on a post in r/stepparents
kgbm 4 points

I spend a lot of my time there, stay the night quite a lot, but technically no - him, his daughter, his mum, and her partner, are all in a 3 bedroom house, i still live with my dad. We're in the process of trying to find ourselves a place but its not the fastest or smoothest process in the world, partly due to financial issues.

To be honest its not that uncommon where I live for single parents to live in the same house as their own parents until they're in a position where they're financially stable enough to get their own place.

My partner did have a flat with his at the time girlfriend when his daughter was born, but when they split he moved back into his parents, and had some kind of shared custody of his daughter, but things went downhill for her mother and then he gained full custody of his daughter by the time she was one and staying with his parents was easier than trying to be able to pay for his own place as well as being a full-time parent

Ladybugoleander 3 points

That's completely understandable. My SO had to do the same when he split from his wife. It's incredibly hard to go straight to a new home unless you have a lot of money.

I think the confusion came because it sounded like you lived in a house with your partner as well as BM and her partner. That would be a strange situation! Haha.

Ladybugoleander commented on a post in r/stopdrinking
Ladybugoleander 1 point

What kind of meditation are you practicing? I think that has a lot to do with it. I've done a lot of different meditations over the years, and different types are good with different things.

For people trying to start meditating, or start-over, I think that a guided meditation is great. For me, drinking has always relaxed me, so I'm trying to find some relaxation meditations to help me relax rather than grabbing a glass of wine. YouTube is a great resource for guided meditation. Just search for "guided relaxation meditation" or "guided (your choice) meditation". It's a lot easier to listen and follow their instructions rather than just clearing your mind on your own.

You can also try binaural beats (need to wear headphones), or meditation music. Youtube is a great way to find either. I find that either of those also help me really clear my mind, rather than trying to sit in silence.

I haven't been sober long, but I've been meditating a long time, so hopefully some of this is helpful :)

sunshinewalk 2 points

All of them ! Love your natural color. But you do you. I’d say yay either way !

Ladybugoleander 2 points

Thank you! :)

ssmco 2 points

Strong Laura Prepon vibes in the first black hair pic.

Ladybugoleander 2 points

Whenever I see her it makes me want black hair again! Haha. I think she's gorgeous, so that's a huge compliment!

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