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This is great, however, why are the bullets smashed? In the movie he stopped them without damage

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It's from the deleted scene wherein Neo manifested a piece of magical acrylic.

5 points · 8 hours ago · edited 8 hours ago

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt had commentary to make about everything.

Original Poster2 points · 8 hours ago

Wait which episode was this. I binge watched this show just last month and I cannot remember this scene!

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Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Season 01, Episode 14 (Encore)
"Kimmy Gets Online!"


After seeing a girl lose her "magic scrunchy," Kimmy becomes obsessed with replacing the adornment, scouring the city in search of one like it. Lillian suggests bribing a vendor in Chinatown with powdered laundry detergent, but Xan inadvertently provides another option: Simply order the scrunchy online. As Kimmy's exploration of the Internet gets underway, she learns harsh truths about scams, pornography, and low-effort submissions to popular forums. Meanwhile, Titus attempts to start a viral marketing campaign.

Trailer

2 points · 1 day ago

The question is a bit unclear.

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I think it was asked by a spam account.

The username is suspicious, for one thing. Spammers frequently use that sort of format (and nomenclature).

The broken English is also a red flag. Granted, many Redditors speak English as a second language, but the specific "flavor" of the errors (for lack of a better term) matches with what you'd expect to see from an illicit account.

Finally, /r/AskReddit is one of a few high-traffic subReddits that allow new accounts to post right away, making it a haven for people who want to quickly farm karma. There's also the fact that the question has been upvoted several times, but responses are lacking. Usually, we'd see a more low-effort, single-sentence (or single-word) replies than we would upvotes.

All together, well... it doesn't look good.

Misspelling is not anti-intellectualism.

Not being logical in an argument, not thinking critically; more famously thinking "my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge."

If the message is clear, that's all that matters. Not putting a space between every and time didn't affect the message at all.

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If the message is clear, that's all that matters.

The message wasn't clear. Yes, most people could probably figure out what was intended, but that wasn't what was written.

Not putting a space between every and time didn't affect the message at all.

As was explained further down in the thread, the message was absolutely affected.

Misspelling is not anti-intellectualism.

It is, in fact. Rather, refusing to proofread something is an example of anti-intellectualism, as is a refusal to edit an error. The idea that intention is more important than execution is also a counterproductive one.

I mean your statement as to why it was affected was weak. It's a common "mistake" because people rarely even notice it.

Honestly it's just obnoxious and doesn't help anything.

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Honestly it's just obnoxious and doesn't help anything.

It helps people understand the correct usage, and by extension, it helps people better understand the structure of the language that they're using. That may not be important to you personally, and you're certainly entitled to that perspective, but arguing that it doesn't help at all is disingenuous at best.

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"Jeeves! I'm feeing frisky! Bring me my formal wanking waistcoat!"

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"Right away, sir. Shall I warm the lubricant?"

"Quite right. Also... you know, Jeeves, I think I'll have some pornography today."

"Of course, sir. I believe Missus Crocketus procured a new supply."

"Oh?"

"Indeed. Would sir prefer Big-Butt Ebony Beauties or Tempting Teens, Collection Eighty-One?"

"Hm. Tell me, Jeeves, what color drapes are currently hung in the wanking room?"

"Fuchsia, sir."

"Tempting Teens it is, then, Jeeves."

"Splendid, sir. I shall have a hot towel prepared when you've finished."

2 points · 1 day ago

Is all this from a movie or did you make it up?

What I'm really asking is can I watch this movie.

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Everything that I offer on Reddit (unless explicitly specified otherwise) is my own original work.

In other words... sorry, I suppose.

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This is actually an altered form of Pascal's Wager.

The problem with the Wager is that it treats belief as if it were a betting system in which you can game the system by choosing the least bad set of outcomes.

If believing in a being or religion gets you into heaven and you're correct in your belief, then you get into heaven and if you're wrong and there's no afterlife, you wouldn't even know because you ceased to exist.

Alternately, if you're an athiest, your best outcome is that you are right and you wouldn't even know because when you die you cease to exist and if you're wrong then you're in hell or whatever punishment you get from the correct religion.

There are many problems with this thought experiment. It is actually extremely deceptive on Pascal's part, but the biggest issue with it is that you CANNOT, in fact, choose what you believe in, which renders this cosmic betting game moot.

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the biggest issue with it is that you CANNOT, in fact, choose what you believe in, which renders this cosmic betting game moot.

Yes, you can.

Belief in the face of contrary evidence requires active effort on the part of the believer. It's called cognitive dissonance. In fact, one of the first things that humans learn how to do is convince themselves of imaginary realities or circumstances, as part of the make-believe that they play as children. The practice helps with problem-solving and planning later on in life, but it has its stem in (quite literally) choosing beliefs.

That isn't what cognitive dissonance is. Cognitive dissonance is simply having thoughts or beliefs that conflict with other things that you hold as true or normally observe. It doesn't have anything to do with choosing a belief. An example of this would be a politician that you disagree with on everything, suddenly pushes a policy that you find perfectly agreeable.

Also, belief in the face of contrary evidence takes no effort because the person shown the contrary evidence must have stronger evidence pointing towards their belief (I'm assuming this person is intellectually honest and isn't simply saying they still believe after they've bewn convinced otherwise.) which would cause them to remain unconvinced.

Also, make believe isn't a child changing their belief in reality. It is the child pretending that reality is different. I didn't actually believe I slayed a dragon as a kid. I pretended that I did.

In the above I am assuming a mentally competent person, because if an individual does change their belief be altering how they percieve their reality, (Not by simply choosing their belief which they can't do, but altering their brain state) then they have become mentally ill and are hallucinating or similar.

I will concede that you can change factors that would lead you to change your belief, such as your brain state, but I can't just choose that I believe in Santa Claus all of a sudden because I feel like it.

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1 point · 1 day ago · edited 1 day ago

Cognitive dissonance is simply having thoughts or beliefs that conflict with other things that you hold as true or normally observe.

Right, but extrapolate that outward beyond the base definition. What actually occurs within a person when they're experiencing cognitive dissonance, and what prompts that state?

Also, make believe isn't a child changing their belief in reality. It is the child pretending that reality is different. I didn't actually believe I slayed a dragon as a kid. I pretended that I did.

Again, yes, that's correct, but it's the same internal mechanic that drives and supports belief.

The issue here is that English doesn't have a good way to differentiate between "belief" and "believing." Let me take a stab at it, though: If you were told (or if you told yourself) that a friendly dragon lived in your back yard, it would be fun to go along with that statement, but you wouldn't actually believe it. At the same time, telling yourself that it was there might occasionally be comforting or exciting, despite the fact that you'd know it wasn't true. That understanding of the dragon's nonexistence wouldn't ever go away, but within enough time, reinforcement, and effort, your make-believe could come to supersede your knowledge, leaving you with belief.

Now, further suppose that you became a biologist.

At this point, you'd have two options: You could either accept (as you already know) that dragons aren't real and that you're still playing pretend, or you could state that while dragons aren't real, your dragon is. This latter choice – and it is a choice – would result in cognitive dissonance.

Humans make decisions about what to believe every day. Most belief, in fact, requires semi-conscious choices about what to accept and what to reject. I'll grant you that the effort to break habitual belief might be a bit daunting for some, but it's nonetheless a choice like any other.

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This comment is going to invite a torrent of downvotes from people who don't understand what I'm talking about (and who are opposed to learning). Some of those people will also respond with often-repeated phrases like "Language evolves!" without actually knowing what those phrases mean or why they don't apply to this situation. In short, I'm setting myself up for a lot of grief... but rather than offering a tired, single-sentence answer here, let me tell you what I really hope goes away in the next few years:

I want the misuse of the word "meme" to be a thing of the past.

A meme is an intentionally emulated behavior. The term was coined by Richard Dawkins in the 1970s, and was originally used to describe traits and mannerisms which were passed on by some means other than genetics. In simplest terms, if you see someone do something, then you imitate that person, you have participated in a meme. Nowadays, memes can take a number of different forms, but they will always be an action, and one enacted consciously, at that.

Here's an example: Let's suppose Person A encounters the Rickrolling phenomenon, thinks that it's funny, and sends a link to the video to Person B. In this instance, Person A has participated in a meme. However, if Person A were to encounter the video organically, enjoy it, and share it with Person B as a result, they would not have participated in the meme. In either case, the video itself would never be a meme; it would just be a video, because it cannot act on its own. Certain image macros with previously established contexts can be memetic – they can be an integral part of a meme – but they won't be memes themselves.

The word "meme" does not apply to all image macros, though, nor does it apply to GIFs, webcomics, Twitter screenshots, or any other piece of media. Using "meme" to mean "something I saw on the Internet" is tantamount to using the term "road trip" to describe literally any vehicle.

Ironically enough, misusing the word "meme" is not a meme, because most people don't realize that they're doing it.

TL;DR: Misuse of the word "meme" is pretty popular, but hopefully it won't be for much longer.

Memes are intentionally emulated behaviors. Planking was a meme. Rickrolling people is a meme. The Rickroll video is not a meme; it's a video. In short, memes are always actions, and while those actions can be associated with media – like image macros, which are what you were referring to – referring to the media itself as a meme is wrong.

Don't say anything.

Just stare at the interviewer.

After a moment, ask them to repeat the question.

As soon as they begin speaking again, interrupt them by telling them that you farted.

Ask them to repeat the question again.

Continue this until they ask you to leave.

Refuse.

Tell them that your greatest weakness is persistence.

Any sexual allegations can damage someone's reputation especially public figures

Think of it like a teacher that slept with an under age student, however the student lied.

The teacher may of not broken the law but his/her reputation is tarnished.

It's all marketing in a weird way

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The teacher may of not broken the law but his/her reputation is tarnished.

The teacher may have not broken the law.

6 points · 2 days ago

Or it actually doesn't matter.

Like the fact that my SO likes sweets and I do not, or that I don't like cigarettes, or I think white fish is gross, or I think that grapes should be sold in smaller amounts.

Some things really don't matter and should be treated as such.

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I don't think you read the necessary context for the lie that people tell themselves.

I think they read it well enough. Sometimes, the emotions brought forth by a situation are almost worthless to entertain. If something minute annoys me or pisses me off, I usually just remove said thing from the situation (when possible) and tell myself that it doesn't matter. This allows any negative air to subside so I can continue you on my merry way. Using "it doesn't matter" to brush your own minor problems away is different than using that mentality to brush other peoples problems away. I believe that's the point the original comment was eluding to.

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1 point · 1 day ago · edited 1 day ago

I wrote the original comment.

The examples raised in the comment to which I replied were not relevant to the point. It was the equivalent of responding to "'I can stop whenever I want to' is a lie!" by saying "Maybe someone was just reassuring themselves that their brakes worked." Yes, it's technically a correct counterexample, but only to the phrase itself; not to the situation. From what I was able to tell, the response was garnered from having read only the bold parts of my comment.

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"Alright, is everything set for tomorrow?"

"Yep! I'll see you at Albert!"

"... Where?"

"At Robert's house."

"Right. About 'Albert,' though?"

"Yes, about then."

"What?"

"Dude, are you okay? I'll see you at Robert's house, on Saturday, at Albert."

"What is this 'Albert' business?! Who is 'Albert?'"

"Not who; when."

"You're not making any sense. 'Albert' is 'when?'"

"After Laurie and before Bartholomew."

"Dave, I swear..."

"No, no, Dave is after Carly."

"Why are you referring to yourself in the third person, and who is 'Carly?'"

"Not who, wh..."

"Don't say it. Just explain this nonsense."

"Look, you know how to tell time, right?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Albert, Bartholomew, Carly, Dave, Erica, Frederick, Grace, Horace... come on, dude."

"... Did you name the hours of the day? Actually, wait, did you name one after yourself?"

"'Dave' is a very common name."

"Not on a clock, it isn't! Anyway, this is stupid! What, do you say 'It's half past Zoe at night?'"

"Of course not."

"No?"

"No. Even twenty-four-hour time doesn't go up to 'Zoe.'"

"..."

"Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow at Albert?"

"No, I don't think you're invited anymore."

4.3k

Hello, and welcome to /r/Showerthoughts! We’re pleased to have you here, and to make your stay a little bit more enjoyable, we’ve put together this brief overview of the subReddit, how it works, and what you can expect from the submissions here.


What Is A Showerthought?

In simplest terms, a showerthought is a miniature epiphany that makes the mundane more interesting. It’s an idea that offers people a new way of considering details that they might have otherwise overlooked. Showerthoughts can be funny, poignant, thought-provoking, or even just silly, but they should always prompt people to say “Huh, I’ve never thought about it that way before!”

The term “showerthought” comes from the fact that many of these musings occur to people while they’re doing mindless, everyday activities (like showering, commuting, or just staring at the wall while waiting for a customer service representative to answer their telephone call). As such, showerthoughts don’t have to be had while showering… and in fact, the presence of flowing water and shampoo is not enough to make a showerthought.

Here are some examples of showerthoughts:

  • “Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.”

  • “When people think about traveling to the past, they worry about accidentally changing the present, but no one in the present really thinks they can radically change the future.”

  • “Anything is a UFO if you’re stupid enough.”

  • “C-3PO is technically Luke Skywalker’s older brother.”

  • “Swans are loud, territorial, violent, aggressive, terrifying, and an emblem of romantic love.”


What Isn’t A Showerthought?

As mentioned, showerthoughts should offer people new ways of looking at existing phenomena or objects. They shouldn’t be personal opinions or perspectives, suggestions for new products or services, or questions that could be answered via a quick Google search. Showerthoughts are almost exclusively conclusions, not premises, and should be phrased in such a way as to be as close to universally applicable as possible. Furthermore, all submissions to /r/Showerthoughts should be written well, and should be entirely unique: If a similar-sounding thought can be found elsewhere on the Internet (not just in the subReddit), then it’s probably better-suited for a different community. Finally, this subReddit is actively curated, meaning that low-effort, poorly written, nonsensical, unoriginal, and overly crude submissions will be removed at the moderators' discretion.

Here are some examples of non-showerthoughts:

  • “Damn, I need to buy more soap.”
    (This is a “shower observation.”)

  • “I hate it when cars cut me off, but I like seeing other people get cut off.”
    (This is a personal perspective, since it’s a commentary on the submitter’s opinions or emotions.)

  • “Tide should partner with Netflix to produce a really good show that turns out to be an advertisement.”
    (This is something that would be more appropriately posted in /r/CrazyIdeas.)

  • “Has anyone ever tried tasting the top of Mount Everest?”
    (This comes close to being a showerthought, but since it’s phrased as a question, it would need to be rewritten before it would count as a “miniature epiphany.“)

  • “the earth is prolly in a copmlety new place everyday”
    (This would be removed for quality, given that it’s poorly written and misuses the word “everyday” instead of the phrase “every day.” It’s also a common thought.)

  • “What if bees have a literal hive mind?”
    (This is a premise, not a conclusion, and would also be an instance of wordplay.)


At times, coming up with a completely original, well-written, insightful thought can seem a little bit difficult… but that’s what makes showerthoughts so appealing: They’re the tiny realizations that you have when you aren’t even aware that you’ve been thinking, and they make the world that much more entertaining when they do crop up.

Happy thinking!

4.3k
239 comments

A lot of showerthoughts have the format: "(noun) is just (metaphor/description/action)." They are formulaic and usually bad. I know it's still technically a showerthought, but I think they dilute the sub of good content.

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Original Poster1 point · 2 days ago

Personally, I agree. Given that they aren't rule-breaking, though, we tend to leave them up.

The good news is that most of those comparisons are pretty common, so after a while, they'll start to be less frequent here.

2 points · 2 days ago

The way this was written, I feel like you are trying to become part of Reddit history with the vivid imagery and exotic text. Your TL;DR's beautiful alliteration also leads me to believe you wrote this comment hoping to garner more than a few hundred upvotes. And, honestly, you deserve the spot in the hall of fame. Bravo, good sir, bravo.

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Thank you! I'm afraid you've misjudged my motivation, though: I'm just here to entertain. The votes don't matter at all to me – honestly, I have plenty – provided that I made someone smile.

2 points · 2 days ago

Well I laughed and judging by the replies, so did a good many others. Please continue writing as this was one of the best comment's I've ever read in an AskReddit thread.

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Thank you again! If you'd like more like it, you might enjoy looking through some of my past comments. I can't guarantee that they'll all be that great, but hopefully you'll find something entertaining!

1 point · 2 days ago

You know you don't HAVE to correct people all of the time. If you really think that you just helped that person write better in the future instead of coming of as a knob, then power to you.

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It isn't just about that one person.

Reddit sees literally millions of visitors a day, and a successful thread can easily reach hundreds of thousands of people. If even one of those individuals learns something, then I'd consider the effort worthwhile.

Granted, this thread had to be removed, but based solely on the downvotes that I received, we can assume that a few dozen (or even a few hundred) people saw the correction. Chances are that at least one of them came away with some new knowledge... and sometimes new knowledge needs to come from a knob.

I think more people came away with the knowledge that if you correct someone when they say woah you're going to irritate everyone who sees it.

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Sad, isn't it? I couldn't imagine getting annoyed at someone who helped me improve. Fortunately, I'm not alone in appreciating corrections, even if downvotes are a little bit more common.

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My first "real" relationship – in the sense that it involved mutual mushing-together of naughty bits – began when I was sixteen years old. It lasted for two and a half years, which I've been told is fairly impressive for a couple in high school. Truth be told, that span of time is most notable when you consider the fact that the young woman and I were almost completely incompatible... and that was never more evident than when she tried to give me gifts.

During our first Christmas together, my then-girlfriend gave me a pair of hand weights, of the sort that might be held by a jogger wearing leggings. They had clearly been purchased from the bargain bin at the local thrift store... but I told myself it was the thought that mattered (even if I wasn't sure that any thought had gone into the gift at all). Besides, we had only been dating for about three months, and it was probably unfair of me to expect anything at all.

Unfortunately, that would set the stage for every gift I'd receive from the girl.

I need to pause for a moment and explain something about this young woman. Although she was vocally ambitious, she had almost zero patience for practice or preparation. Her idea of putting on a poetry performance, for example, was to get up on stage and improvise while using a tone of voice that made it sound like she was reciting something. That would have been fine, except for the fact that she was really bad at improvisation, and she had a tendency to lie about how much work she'd done on something.

Please keep that in mind when I tell you this:

For my eighteenth birthday, this young woman – who was also, I should mention, completely tone-deaf – forced me to sit in a plastic folding chair for as long as it took her to "sing" her way through three love songs by Elvis Presley. I hated Elvis at the time, and watching this girl attempt (and fail) to mumble her way through "Love Me Tender" was as close to torture as I'd been through.

Worse still, I had to sit back and pretend that I enjoyed it... because as she'd told me, she'd worked really hard on it.

TL;DR: An unwanted serenade from a tone-deaf torturer.

I've read this before...

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I’ve told it before! It remains the worst birthday present that I’ve ever received. Seriously, I still can’t hear “Love Me Tender” without flashing back to that moment.

Anyway, thank you for remembering!

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I'm suddenly inspired to write a movie like The Santa Clause, but that follows the adventures of the Tooth Fairy.


Artur Gonzales is a successful candy-maker – a confectioner, as he insists – who has managed to hold his own against big-name companies like Hershey and Nestlé... but his work has alienated him from his friends and family, who see the man as being single-minded and obsessed. That changes when an accident with a bug-zapper lands Artur with the role of "Regional Collections Officer In Charge of Discarded Dental Fixtures."

The Tooth Fairy.

Now, Artur must balance hectic days with even-more-hectic nights. Along the way, he will start to see the world through different eyes, learning the value of friendship, integrity, and brushing and flossing twice a day. However, as his evening infiltrations into other people's lives start to change him, he finds a new goal for himself... and that goal involves rallying the fairy world in a war.

STARRING

MICHAEL PEÑA as ARTUR GONZALES
ZOE SALDANA as THE QUEEN FAIRY
BEN KINGSLEY as AN UNNAMED CEO OF AN UNNAMED-BUT-EVIL CANDY COMPANY
BEN STILLER as A HOBO
and
ROWAN ATKINSON as A TALKING TOOTHBRUSH

SMILE

Rated PG for suggestive language and some inappropriate themes.

There once was this guy, and he was kind of sad or something, I guess. Then this other guy told the first guy a secret, and the first guy was like, "That's cool, I didn't know that." Everything that the first guy thought he knew about the world changed, and he started learning how to do some stuff. That turned out to be a good thing, because a bad guy wanted to do some bad things, and only the first guy's stuff could stop the bad guy (because it turned out that the first guy was special). Fortunately, the guy did his stuff, beat the bad guy, and saved the day... but only for a little while, because we still need to get through more movies.

43 points · 3 days ago

Careful, alot of them lurk here and last time I put my $0.02 in about that game I was swamped with dozens of different messages with a common thread: that I’m an idiot.

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Careful, alot of them

A lot. It's always two words.

Elaine is convinced that someone is buying up all of the LaCroix flavor that she likes.

Original Poster36 points · 3 days ago

Turns out Peterman is doing it.

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47 points · 3 days ago · edited 2 days ago

“Ah! Elaine! You must try this delightful beverage I have acquired! I simply cannot get enough! Why, I’ve had interns scouring the city in the hopes of maintaining my supply!”

This leads Elaine to attempt a LaCroix heist.

I'm worried about the receptionist's spelling of "megalodon."

First and foremost, you should know that nobody really cares about things like copyright infringement. If you see a picture that you want to use, just grab it and edit any watermarks out. The same thing goes for music, graphics, or clips of footage that you might want to include: As long as nothing is being credited, then nothing is being stolen, either. Once you have all of your assets, just slap them together. Attention paid to aesthetics is attention wasted.

Now, let's talk about scheduling: The Internet is always on, so there's no need to worry about when you publish things. Oh, don't get me wrong, you should try to be fast... but only so that you can get your content out before anyone else. On that note, don't bother fact-checking or researching anything: Just slam everything through and get it over with. If it's an exclusive story, though, you can sit on it for weeks, especially if you ignore any telephone calls from publicists. (If you answer one by mistake, just tell them the piece is "in the pipeline.")

One thing that you do need to keep in mind is the quality of your writing... or rather, the lack thereof. If you're proofreading things or correcting errors, then you're doing it wrong. The vast majority of readers are too stupid to notice typos and misspellings, and it's virtually required that you screw up while putting teleprompter scripts together. (It keeps the talent on their toes!) Whenever someone tries to call you out on a mistake, respond with as much petulance as you can muster, doing all that you can to alienate or offend your audience rather than fixing anything.

Finally, always remember that sizzle trumps substance. If you have a really boring story, spice it up by plastering a shocking title onto it. For example, "Beloved Actor Suffers HORRIFYING Injury!" is how you should promote something, not "Jonah Hill Stubs His Toe." Make sure to fill in the article by repeating things over and over, too, and make sure to repeat things over and over so that you can fill in the article.

TL;DR: The worst advice I can give is nonetheless the clickbait playbook.

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