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Fox should be embarrassed to air Sean Hannity's show by TrumpShitsTheBed in politics

[–]RamsesThePigeon [score hidden]  (0 children)

I think they meant "... or fuck, man, my governor?"

"Fuck Man" does sound like a certain variety of superhero, though.

Queen Elizabeth II loses her last corgi, Willow, marking the end of a royal dog dynasty by Surax in worldnews

[–]RamsesThePigeon 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Imagine that Oprah Winfrey's fortune, network, and spotlight would pass to her son if she died.

Now, imagine that her son was Jaden Smith.

That's about the American equivalent.

What innocent question has someone asked you that secretly crushed you a little inside? by malediction_mal in AskReddit

[–]RamsesThePigeon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I did look, but I didn't find anything from that era of my life.

Sorry to disappoint! In lieu of the actual poster, please accept this surrogate.

What innocent question has someone asked you that secretly crushed you a little inside? by malediction_mal in AskReddit

[–]RamsesThePigeon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that's (sadly) par for the course, and I've run into the same trouble on more occasions than I'm comfortable admitting. Fortunately, the above story was not one of those times.

Senate panel moving ahead with Mueller bill despite McConnell opposition by narbz in politics

[–]RamsesThePigeon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So their currently isn't a rule against that.

There.

That's a grammatical rule, that is.

What innocent question has someone asked you that secretly crushed you a little inside? by malediction_mal in AskReddit

[–]RamsesThePigeon 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They did, actually! I set out an hourly rate at the beginning, and I was given a check for the entire amount that I billed them. It was one bright spot in an otherwise less-than-pleasant experience.

Tiny houses I see everyday while driving home from work. by ZeSavageCabbage in pics

[–]RamsesThePigeon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Every day" is always two words when you mean "each day" or "daily."

"Everyday" is an adjective that means "mundane."

You see those tiny houses every day. They're an everyday sight for you.

What innocent question has someone asked you that secretly crushed you a little inside? by malediction_mal in AskReddit

[–]RamsesThePigeon 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Stories that I tell in the first person are always true. I'll occasionally employ colorful language to make them a bit more entertaining, but the details always occurred as described.

The only exceptions to this rule are those tales which involve ghosts or aliens or magic or something. In other words, any fiction that I offer should be immediately recognizable as such.

As for why I have so many stories, well... one of my good friends would tell you that I go looking for trouble, but I don't think that's entirely accurate. It's true that I live my life from the perspective of the narrative that it will be later, but really, I think that habit just helps with recollection. After all, everyone has an anecdote about just about everything, but actually remembering it (and offering it in an interesting way) can sometimes be a challenge.

The undercover author who discovered Amazon warehouse workers were peeing in bottles tells us the culture was like a prison by OhMyGloob in worldnews

[–]RamsesThePigeon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Really? There are misspellings and mistakes all throughout it.

The entire bussnius model is dependent on cheep...

That's not perfect English by any stretch of the imagination.

TIL the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous demanded whiskey during the last few days of his life. by Living_Granger in todayilearned

[–]RamsesThePigeon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How about you just go back and fix the error instead of getting bent out of shape?

Furthermore, writing corrections are never pedantic, despite the common misuse of the word.

/u/MonkeyPlug was right to point out your mistake.

What innocent question has someone asked you that secretly crushed you a little inside? by malediction_mal in AskReddit

[–]RamsesThePigeon 39 points40 points  (0 children)

The DVD format first appeared in 1995.

It was supplanted by the Blu-ray format in 2006.

2006 was twelve years ago.

What innocent question has someone asked you that secretly crushed you a little inside? by malediction_mal in AskReddit

[–]RamsesThePigeon 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You know, someone else just asked if I still have my files. The truth is that I kind of doubt if I do, given that it has been over a decade since the above story took place.

The movie was called The Shallows Beneath, though. It was, as I recall, something of a hokey horror-comedy. Oddly enough, it doesn't seem like it's listed on IMDB – I just checked – so they may have changed the name before releasing it... or maybe they never released it at all.

Maybe the cover art for the DVD was just too terrible.

What innocent question has someone asked you that secretly crushed you a little inside? by malediction_mal in AskReddit

[–]RamsesThePigeon 46 points47 points  (0 children)

I'm honestly not sure if I even have it anymore. The above story took place about twelve years (and an equal number of hard drives) ago. I can dig around in my archives – which is a fancy way of saying "that external drive that I keep in a closet" – when I get home, though!

Which movie have you rewatched the most? by mahajanakhil92 in AskReddit

[–]RamsesThePigeon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Back when I was about fifteen, my parents started finalizing their divorce.

This is relevant, I promise.

After my father "officially" moved out, his new place wound up being a fairly small rental house on the outskirts of town. This was back before high-speed Internet was a common utility, which meant that whenever my brother and I would stay there, our attempts at online entertainment were often interrupted by someone else picking up the phone, or even by random squirrels getting a bit too excited on nearby telephone lines. As a result, we'd frequently resort to watching one of the four VHS tapes that we had available.

They were as follows:

Ghostbusters
Zoolander
Austin Powers
You've Got Mail

With a list like that, you're probably wondering why I'd ever subject myself to a Meg Ryan movie about online dating. Well, there's an unfortunate thing that happens to a person when they see the same comedy over and over (and over and over), and by the time you notice it, you're already terminally afflicted: The film, as far as you can tell, stops being funny. It starts to get annoying.

Zoolander was the first to lose its appeal, followed quickly by Austin Powers. Ghostbusters lasted the longest of the three, but even it eventually suffered the same fate. That left only You've Got Mail, which I resigned myself to watching on at least a dozen occasions.

I wouldn't recommend it.

My father eventually bought a DvD player, which seemed like it would offer a welcome relief from the repeated watchings to which my brother and I had subjected ourselves. Unfortunately – perhaps as a joke as his offspring's expense – he also decided to purchase a few movies along with it.

I'll give you four guesses as to what they were.

TL;DR: "Who you gonna call, baby? Mail models!"

Someone knows he was the first to Rickroll people, and nobody will ever believe him. by Best_Towel_EU in Showerthoughts

[–]RamsesThePigeon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm thirty-two.

The image of me you just saw was heavily Photoshopped, which you can tell because the wrinkles are all mirror images of one another.

What innocent question has someone asked you that secretly crushed you a little inside? by malediction_mal in AskReddit

[–]RamsesThePigeon 815 points816 points  (0 children)

Back when I was first getting my start in media production, I got contracted to create the cover art for a DVD case. (For those of you who may not remember, a DVD was a movie that you could only watch after yelling at a black box for a few minutes.) Even though the film in question was a low-budget, independent production, I viewed my role as being my "big break" in the business, and I was certain that I'd quickly develop a reputation as a guy who could be counted on to create the best work that anyone had ever seen.

I may have been just slightly overconfident.

Anyway, I slaved for days on the design, carefully assembling and retouching all of the images and text until I had created an unmitigated masterpiece. It was, as far as I was concerned, the single best example of cover art to have ever existed. (In actuality, it looked rather like a cat had eaten a magazine and then thrown it back up onto a scrap of black paper.) When the time finally came for me to present my work to the producer, I was ready to receive absurd amounts of praise.

"Oh, that's not bad," she told me. "When can we expect the finished product?"

While I did manage to stumble my way through a brief reassurance that something better would be forthcoming, I was utterly devastated by the response, as well-meaning as it had been. Fortunately, it gave me an opportunity to ask what needed to be fixed – I framed it as "making sure we had the same ideas in mind" – and I did make significant improvements over the next couple of days. That was ultimately unnecessary, though, because the director's wife came up with her own concept for some cover art, and her work got used instead of mine.

Honestly, they probably made the right decision. Cat vomit doesn't usually sell very well.

TL;DR: "When will it stop looking like a cat threw up on it?"

If you could magically 100% convince the whole world that something causes cancer. What would you choose? by _Vard_ in AskReddit

[–]RamsesThePigeon -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

THE PERIL OF IMPROPER PUNCTUATION
via Reuters

APRIL 18th, 2018

It looks like the electronic age has come with a previously unexpected hazard: A recent study published in the Journal of Totally Real Science suggests a causative link between the misuse (or omission) of punctuation marks and a 500% rise in the likelihood of brain cancer. Failure to properly employ commas, apostrophes, and periods has been shown to promote the development of glioblastoma multiforme (GBM) – the deadliest and most common variety of brain tumor – in poor writers.

"We used to think that it was the other way around," mentioned Doctor Smoldique, speaking under the condition of anonymity. "You know, that people with brain tumors didn't write well. Who would have thought that writing poorly would cause cancer?"

There is good news, however: Noticing and correcting other writers' mistakes has been shown to offset the development of GBM in impromptu editors, meaning that the cause has its own built-in cure. If nothing else, this detail is sure to give Grammar Nazis the smug sense of satisfaction that everyone always assumed they were seeking.

TL;DR: Misused apostrophes now cause cancer in the people who employ (or fail to employ) them.

Someone knows he was the first to Rickroll people, and nobody will ever believe him. by Best_Towel_EU in Showerthoughts

[–]RamsesThePigeon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The "Rickroll" was actually the evolution of another, similar meme, which was called the "Duckroll," in which a person would trick another person into viewing an image of a duck with wheels.

Someone knows he was the first to Rickroll people, and nobody will ever believe him. by Best_Towel_EU in Showerthoughts

[–]RamsesThePigeon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That comment was made less than five years ago.

I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but believe me, it had been done (many, many times) before then.

Saying “beer can” in a British accent sounds like saying “bacon” in a Jamaican accent. Where did this hilarity come from, and are there more examples like this using different sets of accents? by watermelonplant in AskReddit

[–]RamsesThePigeon 200 points201 points  (0 children)

If you adopt a deep Louisianan bayou accent and say "There's what can beef in the strain funk ramp dumpster," you'll sound like you're having a stoke while choking on a live crawdad.

I cried alot. by maannasir in funny

[–]RamsesThePigeon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"A lot" is always too words.

Someone knows he was the first to Rickroll people, and nobody will ever believe him. by Best_Towel_EU in Showerthoughts

[–]RamsesThePigeon 51 points52 points  (0 children)

It was on that same forum that the meme in question got its start, back in May of 2008.

Someone – not me – posted a thread about having "accidentally some .rar files." Three, maybe four people responded, and the whole thing quickly died. Still, I thought it was funny... so I touched it up a bit and resubmitted it. See, despite being a writer, I occasionally (accidentally) omit verbs from my sentences. I didn't really expect the post to be funny to anyone but me, but it exploded, spawning countless responses and imitations. Before long, I was seeing the phrase "I accidentally" everywhere, and only a very few people knew that I had been the catalyst.

Encyclopedia Dramatica even references the source as "the same nitwit behind the Meriwether Speck trolls," which I can actually prove was me. (I was also the Catholic Cardinal mentioned on the same page, but I can't prove that one.) Here is the image I used to use to introduce each thread, and here is the unblurred, uncropped image of my head, which I'd superimpose onto various backgrounds.

Who hurt you mug? by LiarMcLiarface in pics

[–]RamsesThePigeon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Who hurt you, mug?

You need a comma before the person (or object, in this case) that you're addressing.