Do you like to read in Chronological order? Here is the Index
$Selben: Me! Tier 2 help-desk technician for a mid-sized company, with a very skeleton-crew help-desk. 10 of us total providing 24-hour coverage (not including supervisors) for 2500+ people company-wide.
$HRDrone: Random HR person.
$HRLead: The HR
$Sup1: Previously in sales. No IT background and causes more issues than he solves.
$Sup2: All around great supervisor. Worked his way up from the support line and understands how the helpdesk works. Being the night-shift manager makes communication with all shifts difficult.
$Selben muted the customer and yawned. It was the last day before a holiday weekend and had been a long shift. Despite only three calls and two emails for the entire day, none of the techs were allowed to leave early, just in case an important issue arose. $Sup1 was pacing around the office and in a particularly bad mood since he had been given the responsibility of locking up the building when the techs all left.
$Selben: Okay… Now reboot.
$User: It won’t reboot!
$Selben: Click reboot.
$User: Oh, its rebooting now! Is it done?!
$Selben: Let’s wait for it to reboot…
$Selben finished all his notes for the ticket, then stared down at the time, waiting for it to magically speed up, while occasionally responding to the customer with the occasional ‘Yep, just wait! And what do you see now?’.
$User: It’s working now!
$Selben: Great, have a wonderful weekend!
$User: Okay, bye!
$Selben then along with all the other techs returned to staring at the empty call queue
With two hours remaining, $Selben watched as a couple other techs finished their shifts, nodding in solidarity as they headed out. Another hour passed with no calls or emails, $Selben sat quietly. $Sup1 was on his cell chatting with someone, looking a bit more cheerful as the day was finally coming to an end. Once $Selben was off his shift, $Sup1 could also leave - from what he overheard $Selben concluded $Sup1 had a date. With ten minutes left, naturally $Selben’s phone began to ring, he could practically feel the dagger like eyes from $Sup1 across the room.
$Selben: Thank you for calling, this is $Selben.
A panicked voice came from the other side.
$HRDrone: This is $HRDrone from HR!
$HRDrone: I need to take care of something urgently! But you can’t look at it, because the information is confidential! I need this file completely encrypted!
$Selben: Okay, no problem! That should only take a couple minutes.
$Sup1 stood next to $Selben’s desk, pointing at his watch. $Selben muted the call briefly and explained it was someone from HR. $Sup1 threw his hands in the air and stomped back to his office.
$Selben was eventually able to get $HRDrone to give up some of the “classified information.” It was something that had to do with a legal issue, so to be emailed around it needed to be encrypted. Simple enough. $Selben offered to connect in and show how to use the software they normally use. However, $HRDrone refused to let him connect in case he tried to look at the files. (Sigh) After two and a half hours, $Selben was finally able to walk $HRDrone through installing the software and encrypting the file. $HRDrone seemed happy about the success and finally the call ended.
No sooner had the receiver hung up, $Sup1 was practically pulling $Selben out of his chair and pushing him out the door. Besides the minor delay, $Selben had a good holiday weekend. The whole company was off, and the IT Department was included - three worry-free days of bliss.
Naturally upon returning to work Tuesday morning, $Selben was
ambushed then captured greeted and taken to a side office by some HR minions employees. $HRDrone, $Sup2, and the head of HR were already waiting. Everyone was very upset, so $Selben sat and patiently waited to be fired for something he had (or hadn’t) done. After the long weekend it’s sometimes tough bounce back into things without coffee.
$HRLead: I need to know why things were handled this way.
$Sup2: Please explain to us what the problem is.
$HRDrone: HE! (points at $Selben) took forever to encrypt my files and then it didn’t even work. I’m betting is was because he was in a rush to leave on Friday. This is poor customer service!
$Sup2: $Selben is more than capable of running the encryption software. I doubt he just didn’t do it.
$Selben: Ah, well, I was told to not connect to the machine, so I spent two and a half hours walking $HRDrone through the process.
$Sup2 raised an eyebrow.
$HRLead: Why wouldn’t you let him connect? He’s part of IT.
$HRDrone: It’s part of The Files
$HRLead: You mean The Files?! Of course they can’t see them!
$Selben refrained from letting his eyes roll into the back of his head.
$Sup2: Okay, let’s just fix this - can we look at the file?
After much convincing that seeing a filename wouldn’t let IT know the contents of The File, they got $HRDrone to show The File. As $Selben expected, it was encrypted, and no issue could be seen by him or $Sup2.
$Sup2: So, what’s the…
$HRDrone interrupted, holding up a hand with a smug look. He opened an email, dated before the call to $Selben on Friday, where the file had been shared with him from $HRLead, and opened it.
$HRDrone: See, it’s not encrypted at all! Also, watch this.
$HRDrone pulled out a thumb drive. $Selben bit his lip after making the realization of what was about to happen. $HRDrone put the drive into his machine and was able to open the file stored on it without decrypting it as well.
$Sup2 and $Selben glanced over at $HRLead, who had gone quiet. His jaw was actually dropped. $Selben was impressed at how closely $HRLead suddenly resembled a cartoon character.
$Sup2: Okay, I’ve seen enough. $HRLead, we will schedule some training for your staff on how encryption works in the next week.
As a recap, $HRDrone thought once you encrypted a file that ALL copies of the file in any location would also be encrypted. All HR reps were scheduled to go through a mandatory training over the next month on how to use the encryption software and expectations of how it should function.
Do you like to read in Chronological order? Here is the Index
$Selben: Me! A recently appointed Tier II helpdesk technician for a mid-sized company, with a 10-member helpdesk providing 24-hour support to 2500+ employees company-wide.
$Sup1: Previously in sales with no IT background and causes more issues than he solves.
$Peers: Tier 1 technicians.
$VP: Executive level or otherwise unknown. Can’t argue with them.
$Tank: I need heals! $Healer: CHAIN CELESTIAL HEALING!!! Hail the mighty Agent Sinzan
$Selben: More DPS! More DPS!
$Raid: We are! (They all roared back)
With a flick of the tail from the dragon, everyone was dead. $Selben let out a sigh as his lifeless digital body fell to the ground.
$Tank: We trying again?
$Healer: I’m tired!!!
$Selben looked at the time… 4:00am. Oops!
$Selben: Let’s call it for now, see you all later!
An hour later $Selben arrived at work for the early shift. He had lost track of time and stayed up all night (again) playing his favorite game, EverQuest. After stopping in the IT kitchen for
the glorious nectar of IT coffee, he sat at his desk, rubbed his bleary eyes, and started going through his queue.
Luckily most of the day consisted of small reporting issues that could be fixed without direct human interaction, and only sending the occasional email of “Try it now.” Throughout the day, $Sup1 and a $Peer kept walking back and forth through the office, with their voices escalating as the day progressed. Deciding to not voluntarily get involved, $Selben avoided eye contact.
Towards the end of his shift, $Selben felt a presence standing close behind, and realized his uneventful day was about to be interrupted. He slowly rotated his chair to find $Sup1 looking angry, and $Peer staring at the ground.
$Sup1: Tell him!
$Peer: Uh, well… A user couldn’t connect to the WIFI.
$Selben: Okay, and?
$Peer: He was at home and I… Well, I walked him through un-installing the driver, except I forgot to have him download the new one first.
$Selben: Can he connect to the wired network?
$Sup1: No! He’s on the road. That’s totally unacceptable!
$Selben: Well, when he gets somewhere else we can work with him then.
$Sup1: YOU will meet him at the airport to work on the laptop!
$Sup1 looked very pleased with himself for this plan.
$Selben: Who is it?
$Sup1: It’s $VP!
Armed with minimal information about the actual laptop in question, $Selben downloaded drivers for nearly every machine the company used before driving two hours through heavy traffic to get to the airport. $Sup1 had arranged for them to meet just outside the security gates at the airport. $Selben dozed off and on in his seat while waiting for the (of course) delayed flight. He had been up for at least 27 hours by the time he spotted $VP.
$Selben: Hi, I’m here from $Company to work on your WIFI issue.
$VP: Great, this has been such a pain. I think it started after I switched to this new internet web page. You know all about those internet pages, right?
$Selben: Uh, sure.
$Selben just smiled and patiently waited for $VP to pull out his laptop as he rambled about “those internet web pages.” He pulled out his own machine, to see if there was a connection at the airport, just in case he needed one of the few drivers he didn’t download. He slowly turned to see $VP staring over his shoulder.
$VP: Now what?
$Selben’s eye twitched slightly. Lack of sleep was catching up with him, dangerously affecting his patience.
$Selben: Your laptop?
$VP: What about it?
$Selben: Can you get it out?
$VP: Out of where? My house?
It turned out to be a complete waste. $VP had left his computer back at his home and somehow assumed IT would be able to work on it. Why he agreed to meet $Selben at the airport to work on it, no one ever figured out. A few days later, they were able to get $VP to use a wired connection and get remotely connected. The issue was fixed within 30 seconds.
Do you like to read in Chronological order? Here is the Index
$Selben: Me! “Technical team lead” previously Tier II
helldesk helpdesk technician for a mid-sized company, very skeleton-crew helpdesk 10 of us total for 24 hour coverage (not including supervisors) to support 2500+ company-wide.
$Ditzy: Front desk administrator (Computers are an obstacle, not a tool)
$Peer: Random Tier1 technician. (Tier 1 worked base calls and sorted them to other groups, only basic troubleshooting)
$Sup2: All around great supervisor, worked his way up from the support line, understands how the helpdesk works.
$Selben crossed the parking-lot, entering the building to be pleasantly greeted by $Ditzy, and slightly blinded by both her smile and the reflection of the sun from her shiny new desk. Followed by a grunt from $Peer who was working on her machine with his forehead furrowed. Deciding it was best to let $Peer try to sort it out, he continued to his desk which still smelled like onions and mustard. $Snickers had been given some time off as well from recent events, specifically involving a sandwich.
It was not long before $Peer came around the corner with shoulders lowered, $Selben let out a sigh.
$Selben: What’s up?
$Peer: I don’t know, $Ditzy’s machine wont power up.
$Selben: Power light?
$Selben: Power cable?
$Selben: Ask hardware?
$Peer: He said to ask you.
$Selben: … Any beeps or anything?
$Selben got up and headed over to $Ditzy’s desk, the machine was 100% dead. They got her a loaner machine and ordered a replacement, ticket closed. $Selben attempted to return to his normal day, but after a couple hours he got a call from $Sup2.
$Sup2: Hey, $Ditzy’s machine wont power on - can you take a look at it?
$Selben: I already did, this morning with $Peer.
$Sup2: Her loaner is doing the same thing.
$Selben: Huh… Okay, I’ll check it out.
Yet again, same symptoms no power dead machine. $Selben replaced the surge protector and had $Ditzy walk through what she did. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. She would get up and the machine would just die, they got her another loaner and chalked it up to evil I.T. spirits and all seemed well for the rest of the day.
A few days later $Selben was crossing the parking-lot and rubbed his hands together to keep warm, it was pretty cold. $Ditzy stood at her desk with a frown - apparently the loaner had died as soon as she came in. $Selben and $Sup2 found her new machine was ready so they brought it out to her, naturally she had gotten her manager involved and everyone was upset. $Selben handed her the machine, she set it on the desk and slid forward then reached for the power button. $Selben saw a massive arcing static bolt leap the last inch or so from her finger to the computer.
$Selben: Well, this ones probably dead now too…
$Ditzy repeatedly pushed the power button, but again nothing.
The desk that $Ditzy had recently received was one of those bent acrylic see through desks. As it was cold she had been wearing wool leggings and a wool skirt which resulted in massive static buildup. She had fried every machine she touched - she was advised to not wear wool skirts if possible and the acrylic desk was removed.
I was taking a much-needed break after working on a bathroom remodel since early in the morning. Finding my wife left her Xbox on, I stopped to see what game she had been playing. Seeing the title screen for Sea of Thieves, I grabbed the controller and hopped on. I had missed all beta sessions and was anxious to see what all the fuss was about. The character was my wife's and did not properly reflect a character I would play myself, so I opted to change my name in spirit to First Mate Togepi.
Having no idea how to play I opted to do a solo ship, not wanting to disappoint any teammates until Togepi got his bearings. He appeared on the starting island and ran all over trying to figure out what he was supposed to do. Eventually Togepi found his ship and headed out to sea.
First Mate Togepi had no quests or goals other than not hitting any islands or rocks per my wife’s suggestion. Togepi was able to get his mighty sloop under control, with only occasionally looking straight up or down due to being unused to a controller rather than a keyboard and mouse. Things were smooth sailing.
Before long, Togepi spotted another ship anchored near a small island. As Togepi aligned his ship and manned the canon, a faint sound could be heard. Unsure if the just the game or a voice from another pirate, he held back from firing to listen. A moment later, he could hear that fabled prepubescent voice screaming.
JEREMY! THERE’S A SHIP COMING!
BOOM! Togepi fired his first shot, nailing the enemy vessel.
JEREMY ITS SHOOTING AT US GO GO GO!!!
BOOM!!! Another solid hit!
The other ship began to pull away from the island. It was a galleon and had far superior firepower, however Togepi had started the engagement temporarily giving him an advantage.
Several more shots were exchanged. Seeing the galleon look like it was taking on water, and only receiving one shot himself, Togepi was feeling cocky and mocked them.
This be First Mate Togepi. Prepare T’meet the bottom of the deep blue!
If you're alone, wouldn't you be captain?
Togepi paused for a moment, contemplating his self-value. Finding it easier to not dwell on, he quickly dismissed the thought and fired his canon again.
BOOM! This time from the impact one of the enemy crew flew off the deck, splashing into the water.
Suddenly the enemy galleon turned, leaving Togepi unable to hit the target. He abandoned the cannon and scrambled to get up to the wheel, but the ocean had turned red like blood. The waves became massive and he lost sight of the galleon. He tried to turn back to where he had come from, but the sails had almost no wind to them, and the ship began to slowly sink. Feeling he had earned the right, he had a short ceremony pronouncing himself the captain of the vessel. Captain Togepi went down with the ship, down into the dark abyss.
Then I was told I had wasted enough time and went back to tiling the bathroom, while recounting the tales of the mighty Togepi to my wife!