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47 points · 19 days ago

On my new bicycle that's about to be delivered in 27 minutes.

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How's the bike?

To be completely honest, no. Not at all.

1.4k points · 1 month ago

About 10 years ago me and some friends were driving back from the lake. I had to poop bad so I asked the driver to pull over at the next exit. All I had on was flip flops and swimming trunks. My one buddy, being an ass hole ran past me to take the stall and I was left to wait for him in this old style restroom. Next, this old man busted thru the door, pants around ankles shuffling his feet, holding his cock. He was projectile shitting streams of diarrhea all over behind him. He shuffeled past me pushing on the stall door, which my buddy had locked. I was pressed up against the wall, scared to death of the horror I was witnessing, the old man looked around, spotted one of those long urinals that go all the way to the floor, and made a spin for it. He turned his body to head to the urinal and spray painted an enormous load of diarrhea across my legs and feet.

I screamed out in terror like I had just been fatality wounded. The old man bent over the urinal,pumping loads against the back of the urinal as it splattered everywhere. He just looked at me with these dead eyes, and said..." God damn Diarrhea. "

I will never forget that day, for however long i live

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Can someone who has money please give this gold? This is amazing and should be inducted into the Reddit Hall of Fame.

33 points · 1 month ago

And some people say he's still rubbing his tires to this day.

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All we know is, he's called The Stig

107 points · 1 month ago

Some say he's not awake to this day

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All we know is, he's called The Stig

Lycka till grabben! Du lär behöva det.

a friend of mine died earlier this year, it would be nice to see her again.

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Sorry for your loss Makabajones

old. not willing to put my age here though.

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Infinite + 7 years old then.

Läste det på värmländska. Blev glad.

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iåaäeô, åiôaäeå

17.8k points · 2 months agoGilded1 · edited 2 months ago

Shortly after 9/11 I received a letter from the Department of Justice basically telling me to stop making bombs. Context: I was a hobbyist pyrotechnician operating on a very thin, legal line. Never did anything malicious with what I made, but they were pretty much 1/4 to 1/2 sticks of dynamite I was making with my own tweaked flash powder recipe. I always order every component separately so it wasn't being sold in a "kit" and followed strict safety protocol during the manufacturing process. All items were detonated on private properties. Well, they raided a bunch of the chemical companies I was ordering from, obtained mailing lists from them all, and found my name on quite a few. Since everything was ordered separately, they couldn't TOTALLY prove what I was doing, but they still sent me a sternly worded letter that pretty much shut down my little operation. I had a lot of fun back then, but it wasn't worth pushing the envelope and having the ATF/FBI kicking my door in. I'm still going to get that letter framed, though.

EDIT: Clarity

EDIT 2: For everyone asking for a picture of the letter, I will dig it out when I get home. I'm at work now, but I'll deliver!

EDIT 3: RIP Inbox. Top Reddit comment ever. I'll be home at about 6 pm central time to post the letter. You folks are voracious, I'll give you that, lol.

EDIT 4: Found the letter, but it's been awhile since I read it. It was the DOJ, and not the State Department.

EDIT 5: And a little late, but here's the letter

FINAL EDIT: Thanks for the gold /u/Shrike99! I really never expected the response I got to this! It was fun!

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Just commenting so I can check back l8r allig8r.

This moose lives in the forrests of Värmland in Sweden. In Gunnarskog, to be more precise. I remember living there when this thing became viral. There were tourists with cameras in peoples yards trying to get close to it. A few months ago a woman was out walking her dogs when she stumbled upon it. The dogs most likely ran towards it and she fell and broke a rib I think. This resulted in the government deciding that it should be shot. I think they finally decided not to shoot it a while back, but I'm not too sure. https://www.visitvarmland.se/sv/varmlands-vita-alg Here is a link to an article about it.

We need an edit when he gets a win.

Still in bed feeling like shit.

Had a ridiculously fast car in high school. Used to drive friends home sometimes. After a couple of days driving one guy home, he told me that every single time I turned out of the school parking lot I would : (1) lay down the throttle and (2) cough simultaneously, apparently in a subconscious effort to distract from the loud exhaust noise and hard acceleration. Weird. I know.

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Well, tell us! What car was it?

Apparently I walk weird. I've been told that I don't move my arms right when I walk and that it looks really unnatural.

I have no idea how to correct this because I honestly don't quite understand what I'm doing "wrong" lol

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I bounce off my feet when I walk apparently. It almost looks like I'm tiptoeing.

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Isn't that what I said? lol

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He means that they have sex with their children before they're old enough to do anything about it.

The feeling of disgust when we eventually realize one ball hangs a tiny bit lower than the other

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That's so they not touch, because that's gay.

The younger guys with more taught scrotums (scroti?) might not get this one. They have something to look forward to.

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Stop it.

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I wrote with my best friend about all kinds of things. We do that every day, but it makes me happy.

9 points · 4 months ago

Explain this please.

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http://goedhartvoordieren.nl/?page=r/AskReddit/comments/t0ynr/throwaway_time_whats_your_secret_that_could/c4imcva/

Here you go. I am not responsible for anything that might happen to you after you've read this.

and if it takes more than 2 minutes?

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Wait two weeks until you say fuck it and stop giving a shit.

571 points · 4 months ago

Everyone talking about the hoisted baby and I’m staring at that beautiful big window shortbed c10..

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I honestly did not even the notice the baby until I read your comment.

Scandinavian Moron

u/StrokingPiston
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Cake day
May 13, 2017
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One-Year Club

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