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Anon the fat cunt of a wizard

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Original Poster16 points · 12 days ago

Not fat, just big boned

Can we all take a min to acknowledge OPs incredible activeness in this comment section. I see nothing but great responses. You've earned your karma today :)

Original Poster5 points · 25 days ago

high five

I tried to fist bump someone earlier. They didn’t respond. Don’t leave me hanging!

Also, thank you.

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high four

Your welcome

Tragic goldfish feeding accident fwi

Original Poster62 points · 1 month ago

We drove for about 15 miles with him under there

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At least it's not stuck in the Serpentine belt. I've heard horror stories about ground up stray cats in cars because they like the warmth.

Original Poster5 points · 1 month ago

You are standing at the counter in a store because you're buying groceries, but realize you are missing 7 silver to purchase all your goods, what do?

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Be me the best type of wizard a lich

Decided to leave bad ass lair in search of more test subjects

Teleport to town local square

Yell at peasants with my spooky voice

Demand their finest Stacy and best tendies

Peasants refuse and wave their pointy sticks


Cast poo poo erupt spell

Their assholes explode with a torrent of shit

Most of them are reduced to a crawl

Fumble around in my extra dimensional bag for tendie pouch

Accidentally drop black crystal of doom

Explodes enveloping half the village in a death cloud.

Village tendie storage is ruined

Fireball Town Hall in anger.

Remember my mission and open portal in town square

Start raising bodies and levitating them into portal.

All my precious Stacy's

Remaining town people mumble in horror too frightened to get up . Leave the rest alive so they can make precious tendies.

Toss last body into portal

Do spooky dance and demand more tendies before jumping into portal

Fresh stacys should keep me busy until I check on tendies in 300 years

I am a lich the best wizard

Hobgoblin pirate's.

Original Poster2 points · 1 month ago

Tell us more :O

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Hobgoblin pirates.

The setting is my worlds equivalent to the Caribbean, a vast grouping of islands. The Adventure is, Finding Treasure Crab island. Hobgoblins are quite versatile and can be equipped with all sorts of nasty things. The vast fleet of Red Deck Clan is scouring the southern ocean in search of Treasure Crab island. Hobgoblins are basically evil samurai so that's how I like to run them. They live and die by their ships, for it is of great honor to die with the sea, rather than to shrivel up on land.

Also not my "stormtrooper" but treasure crabs are my anytime any place "encounter" custom monster that I incorporate into everything I run. They are basically my spin on mimics but they are just giant crabs that hoard treasure. Most commonly in the form of a chest on their back. Also known to mistake mimics for actual chest, resulting in a terrifying cohesive relationship.

Original Poster2 points · 1 month ago

These are some good tips, thanks!

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I agree with the 3rd person tip. I often tell players to try that when they are struggling with interactions. After a while of answering "what does Drax do?" It becomes "what do I do". Not everyone is the best actor at the table so I find it perfectly acceptable for a player to state that their character makes a witty remark rather than thinking of one.

Original Poster17 points · 1 month ago

Rule: we had... Acquired this house with legs by killing a hag. On our way along we were followed by mangy wolves, which were attacked by a Roc who turned its attention on us.

Our druid decided the shape of a large snake was the way to go for this midair fight, with predictable results. Our sorcerer teleported himself and me (Kenku rogue) to the bird's back and was thrown off, but I had spider climb and a bag of beans (the magic kind).

I threw the beans into the Roc's mouth and the RNG result was that a treant spawned and climbed out of the Roc's throat, bludgeoning it to death while the group killed the wolves below.

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Wow, that's epic. Magic beans are my favorite DM item. Love giving them to players. Also love rocs, nothing pisses off/scares a party more than watching a roc pick up their horses and drop them from 200 feet.

It's hard to tell if it's a oneshot. Personally I would edit and mold the encounter on the fly for a oneshot. But if you know the team and their abilities, it's much easier to tell these things.

For lvl 8 I think one cube would be a bit weak. Consider beefing it's hp or having multiple in a small room. One of my favorite encounters was a room with one cube behind the door to the room, and a second cube surrounding the chest inside the room. They dispatch first cube, think room is safe, then get stuck trying to loot the chest.

Original Poster2 points · 1 month ago · edited 1 month ago

Slowly yet surely I will get through each unpainted mini I have. And after that I will get more, and so goes the cycle.

This is...Evil mage dude. One of my many spare Reaper minis that has yet to be used In a campaign. Who ever he ends up being he's definitely going to be a big deal and a gnarly fight.

He's a much better improvement on my earlier paints, and actually uses the paints I thought I would never use.

On Halloween reaper minis sent out free gross colors, maggot white and blood red. Turns out maggot white is great for undead flesh and blood red is self-explanatory. (Still trying to find a mini to use breast cancer pink in)

I’m relatively new to the DnD community, what’s the big deal about umber hulks? I see them everywhere

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One of the scarier underdark monsters, pretty badass. Easy encounter for a DM, very versatile encounter. Personally my favorite aspect about them is that they leave a 5 by 8 foot tunnel behind them. So hard to keep a straight face as the players argue weather to go down an ominous tunnel lined with claw marks. Curiosity kills the cat

Original Poster1 point · 1 month ago

As a DM I've always had trouble with adding puzzels and riddles into my dungeons. After rummaging through some old stuff I stumbled upon my Big Book of Riddles, Puzzles and Emigmas. The book is perfect for D&D, featuring a medieval theme and appropriate art.

Behind that book is a book on shadow puppets. Time to up my shadow puppet game, new npc that's a shadow that makes shadow puppets???

5 points · 1 month ago · edited 1 month ago

There is a very good reason why the two seem so similar. Edit: a wizard seeking lichdom will need to study how a mummy is made, for the process of creating a lich was developed well after the process of mummification.

The creation of a mummy is done after person has died, while the creation of a lich is done while the person is alive. Typically a lich has free will and does what ever it wants, while a mummy essentially a guard dog, bound to it's tomb for ever. Stat wise the base lich is stronger than a mummy Lord, but depending on how your DM choses, a lich may develop further over time.

And of course a lich is the most badass form of a wizard, the best class in all fantasy, only a fool would use a sword against raw arcane magic!

I don't feel so good

Original Poster1 point · 3 months ago

The App is called Pathos if your looking to play nethack on a phone. It's a pretty good remake as far as I can tell. Also if you can tell, I messed up 4 bolders but filled in 3 with create earth scrolls. Now I'm screwed.

2 points · 3 months ago

There should be several methods of destroying Sokoban boulders, it just negatively impacts your luck if you cheat at Sokoban using them.

Also, Sokoban is an optional dungeon branch.

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Original Poster1 point · 3 months ago

Thanks. I'm just mad at myself for not taking it slower. I thought I was going to make it through without looking it up.

If that was my car I'd be so far up your shop owners asshole that he'd have to open his mouth so I could tie my shoes. Fixing it for free, and that means a new panel and respray, WHILE paying for my rental car (of equivalence to my own car) would be the absolute minimum I would accept.

No offense to you but that's some top quality bullshit right there and there's ZERO chance I'd be back.

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Original Poster11 points · 3 months ago

Understandable. Definitely would do all of the above. "Luckily" they arnt regular customer cars, Tesla service cars. But still a big deal when we have to tell them that a dog caused their cars to take an extra week

Keeping dogs in a case is the first problem with their behavior.

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Original Poster3 points · 3 months ago

I agree. Unfortunately that isn't under my control.

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Oh my god...

it ...


it is...



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Here's your upvote for making me choke on my drink.

I would expect them to total out very frequently. From what Ive heard any place that can repair them is few and far between, You can only get used parts because they don't sell them new and the parts are expensive as hell. Thanks to all that I'd expect repairs to cost a fortune. And realistically, from here it looks like a hood, fender, door, bumper, some suspension and misc. parts. That's enough to total out many cars with much cheaper parts.

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Original Poster9 points · 4 months ago

This place specializes in Tesla and gets the parts directly from Tesla. It's a fortune, but also surprising the lengths we go to repair some of these things. True Resurrection

Waiting on parts......indefinitely.

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Original Poster59 points · 4 months ago

So true, no eta, just shows up months later, wrong side.

You must leave a clue to the fact that these notes are not genuine. Bury the clue deep, though. Your players should always have an "out", even in this situation. I love this subterfuge, however, points for that.

Here's some ideas of my own:

  • There are giant rats in the cellar, but the innkeep doesn't know anything about them and will not acknowledge their existence. The Rats will hide if anyone makes any noise approaching the cellar or on the floor above.
  • Tavern Rumour: One of the trees in a nearby forest actually springs from a Staff of the Woodlands, but the players won't know which one it is. The secret is to fell the tree with a haddock to obtain the staff. The Inn sells haddock on Thursdays only.
  • One of the party members is secretly possessed by a ghost that is intent on leading the others to their doom. Ensure you brief the party member ahead of time.
  • Whatever happens, remember not to leave these notes where the players can see them.
  • Don't let on that the whole scenario is actually a dream-scape occurring in the head of the possessed player.
  • The biggest giant rat is a doppleganger.
  • by the end of day two, unless the players have found and slain it, The False Rat King has taken the place of the innkeep.
  • The possessed player's primary weapon is a mimic.
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Made me chuckle reading this, quality

I am terrible at mentally forming a picture of how far away things are. To this day I'm still horrible at it, I have no idea how far ten feet is, or 100 feet, or anything like that, people always say "It's like a football field" or "It's like X" those do not help, I can not visualize how long a football field is.

Anyway, the party was storming a bandit camp with a volunteer army with them and a few rounds into combat, based on my own descriptions of the distances, we all realized the two armies were firing longbow volleys at each other from about 25 feet away from one another.

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Same here brother, DMing with a distance impairment is a struggle.

Honestly thought about using comic sans just to cause a riot.


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Original Poster3 points · 4 months ago

When I have time today I'll post multiple versions.

RemindMe! 8 hours

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Original Poster3 points · 4 months ago

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Original Poster2 points · 4 months ago · edited 4 months ago

The party enters the room

The dwarf lights a torch

The room is empty, or so they think

Several shreaks ring out from above.

They look up, the ceiling is crawling with moth goblins.

They decend on the dwarf with the torch, enveloping him.

The light is extinguished, but the screams continue.

Original Poster7 points · 4 months ago

Was helping my players create character when we where discussing the dark vision spell and a situation where they save a npc in a dark cavern and use the spell to give them dark vision because they don't want to create light in fear of the goblins.

Player: "what are they moth goblins"

DM: maniacal cackling

I proceeded to quickly draw my image of a moth goblin while they filled character sheets.

Definitely making moth goblins now, like driders but moths instead of spiders.

I found copper dragons to be an excellent way of introducing one of my favorite magic items to the party, a Bag of beans. After pranking and joking around with the party for a night he flys off dropping a Bag of Beans behind him. What ensues after that is pure chaos.

From angry statues in town, to random mummy pyramids, the bag is an excellent "solution" to any party problem.

Original Poster22 points · 5 months ago

Aw shit. The mimics have gotten smarter!

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Mimics can actually learn. Often learning about their environment (dungeon) and finding the best way to obtain food. The longer a mimic lives the better it gets at fooling adventures for they are their souls prey. Think about it, a mimics main source of food is adventures, so it must learn to adapt and fool them.

Cake day
July 11, 2017
Trophy Case (2)
One-Year Club


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