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868 points · 5 days ago


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120 points · 5 days ago

Lmao, it’s the small things like this that crack me up

I was selling cars - and didn’t have the best relationship with my manager.

One Saturday (the busy day) we were chatting, but didn’t lock the doors after we were closed. I had somewhere to be shortly. People walked in, we let them browse, and then they wanted to get some pricing etc and my manager said “Oh no problem, don’t worry, Vinny can help you” with a big smirk on his face.

After they left I wrote up my two weeks notice and handed it in to him.

I’m a shark ya’ll just koi fish - what else? Octopus - what else? Oysters

1.1k points · 17 days ago

UK here. I once tried to crack an egg on the side of a mug and the mug cracked. Egg was unphased by the ordeal

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This is crazy - all I do is crack eggs on mugs.

Ask them for the gas - seriously - it’s like $50-80 or something, my benefits covered it - and I didn’t feel a thing

Love: The change I’ve seen in these cities the last decade. The progression forward, the change in infrastructure

Hate: Could still be a lot more things to do/better eats.. but they’re trying

Original Poster20.4k points · 28 days ago

My girlfriend was killing her self laughing last night because I thought maxi pads stuck to your skin and not your underwear. I turn 30 this year.

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I didn’t know they stuck at all...

I'm a huge fan of the controller's color scheme.

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Na, you can’t eat Cheetos with and play with those white joysticks - they’ll be orange quicktime

7.2k points · 1 month agoGilded1 · edited 1 month ago

Extremely hungry. Haven't eaten in 12 hours. Stopped at a dingy gas station and got some nachos and a chili dog. Rest of the drive home should have only been about an hour long. However, it took me about three hours. Why? Explosive shits. Whatever that chili dog held had awoken a mighty demon in the bowels of my booty (Heh). Pulled over on the side of the road three times and shat a brown liquid out my arse onto the steaming hot concrete in the middle of summer. The smell was atrocious. On one occasion I screeched to the side of the road like a mad man and didn't have the time to run around the other side of my vehicle. Just hopped out and began spraying ass cheese to the horror of passerby as they laid on their horns and screamed at me. Shat myself only ten minutes from home. Soaked through my pants, thank god I have leather seats. Last time I ever ate anything at a gas station.

Edit: Thank you for the gold. While it was unfortunate for me, I find other people get a kick out of this story. I tell everyone I know this story, while it is embarrassing, it is also way too damn hilarious not to tell people.

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Thank you so much for telling us this story. It is way too funny

As for me, when I tried it the universe seemed to split into two and then I started farting like crazy, had to run to the toilet and sit on it for like 20 min while the farts just kept coming.

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I can’t stop laughing right now. This made my night !

I bought a 1500 sqft house with my GF in April 2016 - by the time we moved in, prices in the area shot up huge - adding about $40k to avg house costs in 4 months. We renovated it immediately with connections I had, and solid it 1 year later for $135k more than what we paid for it. After reno cost, realtor, and lawyer fees - profited about $90k in 1 year.

This millennial doesn’t regret a thing!

I agree and Ali G had the best way of interacting with guests and playing the "Is this guy for real" vibe whereas Borat was clearly rabble rousing/shock value. Each character offered a different comedic niche and the movies more or less explored those character's well.

I've yet to see the new show, I'm anxiously awaiting for them to make it available on Crave TV like I've seen advertised.

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It is available on Crave - watched it last night

Wow I was wondering what this was. I was thinking people made their names like that to be “cool” 😂

It’s been in the game for awhile lol it just said “player” rather than streamer

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I know, and I thought people were all making names like this lol

3.6k points · 1 month agoGilded1

If I was gay this is definitely how I would come out.

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Lmao, take the upvote

Cake day
August 14, 2016
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Two-Year Club

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