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A funeral, with the dance floor being the coffin, grave, or ashes.

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Original Poster3 points · 8 hours ago

Ashes, nice. They could do that move where they get a handful of glitter and blow it off their hand. Only it's not glitter it's grandma.

Grandma Glitter would make a good band name.

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Original Poster1 point · 4 hours ago

I'd give it a listen, based entirely on the name. It'll either be really good or really awful.

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-3 points · 4 hours ago

1 to 0? It's not a game, unless it's the kind where one team wanders off the field, accrues a few penalties, then both teams end up losing.

2.8k points · 1 day ago

Right next to:

"Ladies smoke Virginia Slims. Virginia slims, the smooth refreshing cigarette that promotes a healthy figure. Reach for a Virginia slim, he'll be glad you did!"

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Jesus Christ is that from a real ad campaign? Were they really promoted as diet cigarettes?

1 point · 1 day ago

Doors to the outside always lead to a different/random place. And the house disappears after you step through.

Is your dad Viggo the Carpathian?

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1 point · 1 day ago

Scourge of Moldavia?

1 point · 1 day ago

Have the lambs stopped screaming Clarice?

1 point · 1 day ago

What do you mean by that comment that a six year old could work out?

ecological collapse and a return to warlordism

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Original Poster4 points · 2 days ago

But what about whataboutisim?

what about it?

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Original Poster2 points · 1 day ago

Fair play.

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2 points · 1 day ago

My blood sugar? Not so grrrreat.

1 point · 1 day ago

They may not always care but if it were to be removed it would inevitably cause issues. Not everyone uploads a file and leaves it running.

20 points · 1 day ago

That being said, SHUT UP, WESLEY!

3

Silent and hulking, and purpose unseen Nothing can stop the Devil's machine Smooth black metal and riveted beams Connected with flesh and oiled with dreams

Levers and switches, their purpose ungleemed No one can know the Devil's machine Tenpenny nails in the crease of a seam Old white chalk on the face of the queen

Unending hallways, clockwork and steam Nothing can slow the Devil's machine Changeless and changing, but never redeemed Wires and guages and gutters unclean

Filthy and gleaming, eyes without sheen Everyone finds the Devil's machine Everyone finds the Devil's machine

One

Two

3
2 comments
2 points · 2 days ago · edited 2 days ago

Holy cow this is amazing. I don't even know where to begin. The steady, repeating flow of the poem fits with the subject matter so well. The structure itself makes me think of an old, steampunk relic from the dawn of the industrial revolution. The imagery is amazing, really hit it out if the park here. A personal favorite is the first line of the last stanza. "Eyes without sheen" in particular. I'm not too clear on the actual meaning, my first impression is that it addresses the internal mechanisms we use that go against our own good nature, or what we know will make us happier or better people.

The only flaws (imo) I can find are lines 7 and 8. 7, while fantastic imagery, doesn't fit with the rest of the poem, in that it isn't menacing enough. Like you could be describing any old machine, rather than the Devil's machine. The flow of 8 is odd to me. I either read it with five unstressed syllables in a row (old white chalk on the FACE of the QUEEN) or with stresses on "old" and "chalk" (OLD white CHALK on the FACE of the QUEEN), elongating the "o" in "old". Both of these feel weird, and disrupt an otherwise very musical rhythm. An easy fix would be to change "old" to something with two syllables, increasing the syllable count to match the previous line.

These are two very nitpicky points though, and overall this is one of my favorite poems I have seen on this sub. Well done.

Edit: I run into the same issue with line 3 as I did with 8, elongating the "o" in smooth. While it does fit a little bit more in this case, as it could emphasize the smoothness of the metal, I think the overall rhythm of the poem would benefit more from an additional syllable in the first word than this neat constructive interference between pronounciation and meaning.

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Original Poster1 point · 2 days ago

Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. As for the exact cadence/meter I honestly didn't plan for it to have the rhythm it ended up with.

When I started writing it, in my head I imagined it getting read by a woman in the dark feverishly whispering it, starting like a chant, then slowly getting faster, like an incantation, and then finally like a hectic song sung too fast. It was meant to be jagged and uneven. The fact that it very nearly matches iambic pentameter is also unintentional.

The meaning is both literal and metaphorical. I did want the meaning to come through but mostly I wanted to focus on the visuals. And you're right, some of the descriptors could apply to any mundane machine, but that's really the point. It's like you found yourself in the middle of hallway and yes, the floorboards look like floorboards, the wallpaper looks like wallpaper, but the further you go, the more you see that's wrong, so wrong it makes your stomach turn, until it hits you: you don't actually know what you're inside of, you can only be sure that you aren't in a real house.

14 points · 2 days ago

Neither lender nor borrower be, or something like that.

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6 points · 2 days ago

Don't be a blender, got it.

11 points · 2 days ago

Best bot since Haiku Bot.

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2 points · 2 days ago

What about Confucius?

2 points · 2 days ago

I’m no familiar with him.

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I'm trying to summon Confucius bot so you can see his glory. Not really sure but maybe it'll be on this message.

Like, turns out it was US the whole time Scoob!

cfryant commented on
r/memesPosted by
11 points · 2 days ago

That dentist? Albert Einstein.

28 points · 2 days ago

bro FUCK circle K.

only place to ever bitch about fillin my polar plop with nacho cheese bro it holds way more I got chips at home too I dont need to spend the money I work hard for on circle k who probably make like 1 million dollars a day bro its nacho cheese u can spare it I wasnt takin the chili which is probably a lot more expensive bc u have to chop up the steak and mix in the brown into it all nacho cheese is milk and water and maybe yellow seasoning it cant be that expeniseve.

Last time i go to that circle k yall can hop off my JOCK I about threw the cheese onto there faced an kicked there asshole bro I'm fuckin PISSED man

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25 points · 2 days ago

bro FUCK Pier One.

only place to ever bitch about fillin my polar pop with glass beads bro it holds way more I got glass vases at home too I dont need to spend the money I work hard for on Pier One who probably make like 1 million dollars a day bro its glass beads u can spare it I wasnt takin the throw pillows which is probably a lot more expensive bc u have to sew on the sequins and cat illustrations and dye it some awful shade of brown all glass beads is silicone and heat and maybe sand it can't be that expeniseve.

Last time i go to that Pier One yall can hop off my VAG I about poured the beads onto there faced an kicked there asshole bro I'm fuckin PISSED man

26 points · 2 days ago

bro FUCK public parks.

only place to ever bitch about fillin my polar plop with gravel bro it holds way more I got dirt at home too I dont need to spend the money I word hard for on public parks who probably make like 1 million dollars a day bro its gravel u can spare it I wasn't takin the grass which is probably a lot more expensive bc u have to place all the blades and mix in the green into it all gravel is hard and grit and maybe grey seasoning it cant be that expeniseve.

Last time i go to that public park yall can hop off my JEEP I about threw the gravel onto their faced an kicked there asshole bro I'm fucking PISSED man

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12 points · 2 days ago

Gray seasoning. That's great.

Buck says this person believes in the devil but not antivirus software.

u/cfryant
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