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Then dont get froyo in the valley

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It's so disgusting. But there's so many vallies, which one is it?

My most recent trip to Six Flags had a sign on almost every ride saying they'd trespass you from the park for a year for having your phone out. People like this are why.

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They'd trespass you?

Officially notify you that you're banned from the park, with the statement that they will file criminal trespassing charges if you return before a year is up.

(I work at a water park - that's at least how we do it.)

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Do you actually call it tresspassing someone?

"Ow, my balls!"

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That one hurt my marble sack.

Hey I heard at least he’s in management training now.

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3 points · 7 days ago · edited 6 days ago

I don't know what it is about Reddit and the office, but I somehow only see quotes and references from episodes I recently watched. It's almost scary.

Sigh.. the life of the little sister! 😑 My brother would always try out fake karate moves on me after every . single . martial arts movie! haha

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Apparently when I was younger I wasn't allowed to watch Power Rangers because I'd try to do the fight moves on my sister.

Bear fucker, do you need assistance?!

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Seems like more of a game warden thing to me...

Jaina: Did you do it?

Yogg: Yes.

Jaina: What did it cost?

Yogg: Everything.

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I would link thanosdidnothingwrong but I got snapped :(

152 points · 9 days ago

Initially spent 18% of workday on toilet. Increased toilet productivity by 12% while reducing time spent on toilet by 3%. Collated toilet paper during downtime. Drank mostly 2% milk as result.

During afternoon mandatory water cooler scrum increased ability to lambaste 1% by 14% by switching to metaphors. All in a days work for us grunts.

Increased salary by 25% using HTML and CSS showcasing supervisor's team-building skills with secretary at Super-8 Hotel.

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That last paragraph. lmfao.

Checkout islands of the nine, new BR game coming out on the 12th. First person only looks like it could be a promising game.

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Thanks my apologies i completely overlooked that lol

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That damn autocucumber doesn't support new BR games

Eh, spending your entire month to make enough gp to pay for a bond to play next month? That is so inefficient.

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There's loads of people out there with videos on how to get a bond in 1 day. A normal person should have no issues getting one in a week.

2.0k points · 13 days ago

I hope he finished and didn't die on the cusp.

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Imagine living life in heaven eternally edging...

Would that be heaven or hell?

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Idk, but then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way

Moderator of r/thanosdidnothingwrong, speaking officially21.0k points · 13 days ago · edited 9 days ago

Hello r/all,

The sub-wide balance will take place on July 9th. This means half the subreddit will be banned, to achieve true balance.

If you are new here:

To have a chance to be banned, remember to subscribe and comment a reply to this sticky comment.

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I'm currently trying to realize why it isn't dumb to be listening to a broadcast on the radio...while at the actual game.

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Because announcers/broadcasters usually give in depth info about stats, history, predictions, tidbits that are interesting. Where as if you're at a game alone there's a lot of just down time sitting there waiting.

65 points · 19 days ago

When there was still a middle class and the culture was not toxic.

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I just got my first ever green cash stack. I am the middle class.

No, you're the guy who lives in a cardboard box with his half dead dog

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At least I have a fire cape to keep me warm.

He probably got caught. You can outrun a cop, but you can't outrun a cop's radio.

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I mean, if you're good enough like he is/was you can. Not on open roads but in the cities it's not as hard as you'd think.

It's dependent on whether they get the plates. "looking for a bike with this description" can stop at the county line. get the tag, and a warrant goes out.

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Well, he's from Europe not the US so laws might be different. Even then I've heard cases about not being able to prove the owner was the one riding St the time. And if you go out with intent to hoon you just take your plate off anyway.

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4 points · 20 days ago

The payoffs are terrible*

I guess the odds do depend on the person tho

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How is free drinks the entire night terrible?

17 points · 20 days ago


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It's all over the mirror.

And there's quotation marks. I wish to know what gallant wordsmith penned this poignant missive.

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Probably like... Toby Keith - Michael Scott.

Don't mind me, just an AUG user passing through.

Weird way to spell weird

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I before e except after c.

Wait that's weird.

I got Croup when I was about 14. I woke up with labored breathing that was weezy. Opened the window and it made it better for about 2 minutes. Got worse and worse and I went into the bathroom, started crying because I was so scared and could hardly breathe. It was like in school when they tell you to run in place for 30 seconds then breathe through a coffee straw. Agonizing.

My mom came in and was like "we're going to the hospital" and all I could say was "I don't wanna die. I can't breathe I don't wanna die." Was fine after some medicine. Steroids and anti-inflammatories I think. Shit sucked.

Top Gun. Jets, bikes (well, 1 bike), and love. What's not to like.

"If you screw up just this much |--| you'll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong!"

"Slider -snif sniff- you stink..."

1.2k points · 23 days ago

When I was doing some electrical work I was helping one guy when another worker starts driving off in his truck. The first dude turns to me and goes "Oh shit, run and grab the wire extender from x before he drives away!" So me being gullible starts to run him down waving my arm and when he stops to see what's up I start "Hey x needs the wire extender real qui- son of a bitch." And I can see the first guy almost doubled over laughing.

I thought I'd gotten past the left handed screwdriver shit but somehow they still got me.

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Worked in the express service part of a car dealership. We'd always play pranks on the new guys like "go get the glass stretcher from parts."

"This car has wheel locks, go grab the special ones from parts. Just ask them for the D's" -parts counter- "well I don't have wheel locks but you can have DEEZ NUTZ."

Well it’s still unexpected isn’t it?

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Somewhat. But if you saw that with no title or a title like "well that sucks." Or something would you think it belongs in unexpected?

Cake day
March 13, 2014
Trophy Case (3)
Four-Year Club


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