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130 points · 2 days ago

I shake every card jokingly for money before I read it

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I shred every card jokingly before i read it

1.4k points · 2 days ago

There's also the

opens card

Tries not to look disappointed when there's no money in the card

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“Aww...thank you...”

This comes off as fake.

3.6k points · 4 days ago

Never been called a nigger more than I have by the homeless white people of Portland.

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358 points · 4 days ago · edited 4 days ago

I was called a ni**er by a white guy at the beach in Oregon. I’m white.

1.9k points · 4 days ago

is that a whole cucumber?

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A whole cucumber is very convenient and can be used for a lot of things

Vertigo

The Godfather Parts I and II

Casablanca

Night of the Living Dead (1968)

City of God

This Is Spinal Tap

Fight Club

Amelie

Fantasia

Memento

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Original Poster5 points · 5 days ago

Yeah I’ve seen none of these. But I’ll check them out, thanks!

166 points · 5 days ago

No need to check guys, I just zoomed in. It’s perfect.

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Your comment made me want to zoom just to be double sure

ah, I’m glad I’m not the only one who took pictures of Asian girls taking a shit before I had a smartphone.

137 points · 8 days ago · edited 8 days ago

Preach! We have 2 little kids, if we want to go somewhere that isn’t the time or place for them and don’t have a sitter, we don’t go out of respect for other patrons. Then we have a movie night at home and split a bottle or 3 of wine once the kids are in bed.

Edit: I think it’s fine if you’re taking them to see a kid’s movie early in the day, because there are usually a bunch of kids there anyway. But after about 7pm it’s really not appropriate for them to be there.

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Then y’all get freaky but get freaky quietly

8.9k points · 11 days ago · edited 10 days ago

hahahahah. this is my tweet. my coworker found it after it was reposted on kalesalad on instagram. awkward.

edit: she took it really well and was laughing about it. she said this the caption was “on point” and she’s not mad at all bc she’d do the same. she is also happy about her new found fame.

ps: this is not my computer screen.

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Original Poster52 points · 10 days ago

Lol I got it from kalesalad. Girl you could’ve had all this karma!

Dance like you just got an extra 30% off at Hot Topic

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50% off and they gonna sacrifice a chicken

I knew a guy who used to tell people he was allergic to cheese because he didn’t want to explain to them that he didn’t like pizza. Who doesn’t like PIZZA?!

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Ya i get why he had to lie with that one

You know when you pull the dead skin off your feet

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That’s called Parmesan cheese, it’s good if you sprinkle it on some caesar salad

Imagine finding out this is the FBI agent that watches you :/

47 points · 12 days ago

I mean, you're in a person's personal vehicle while he drives you somewhere. How hard is it to respect their wishes, regardless of whether you agree with them or not? Asking you not to kiss in the back of a car for 20 minutes is not a big deal. I think these women need to grow up.

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They definitely need to grow up and stop victimizing themselves.

People really suffer from the victim mentality these days. If that happened to me I’d just be like “well you’re a dick, bye” would’ve got a new uber and moved on with my life. Not go on the news and complain. There’s worse things going on in the world right now and they’re making this into such a big deal.

I always park waaaaaaaaaaay in the back of any parking lot. Not because I'm trying to get extra steps in. Not because I'm trying to protect my precious baby from dings and dents. But because the more isolated I can make my car, the higher chance I have of finding it.

I'm not gonna lie, on MORE THAN ONE OCCASION I have gotten so turned around in a parking lot that I said fuck it, went back into the store, and then came back out after a few minutes to kind of reset myself and give it another go

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Wow I never thought of this. I just walk around pressing my unlock button hoping to find my car that way. Or sometimes I’ll take a photo of where my car is parked before going into the store/leaving the parking garage.

A good sense of direction. You fuckers who always have a good idea of what direction you're facing and/or easily memorize how to get to new locations don't realize the gift you have. I could get lost going down a straight hallway, and if I accidentally turn left instead of right I immediately become hopelessly lost. If my GPS ever dies I'll never get anywhere again. Meanwhile my mom is so good with directions that I can call her for help no matter where I'm at and, even if she's never been there and has no idea where I am, she can get me back on track just talking stuff through. It's gross. You guys have magic inside you and you don't even care.

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Yes!! That’s me! I got lost in my own neighborhood before and my siblings got in a car and drove around looking for me. I thought I would have to resort to camping out on the sidewalk and eating bugs just to survive until they found me. If I wanted to go to a gas station without GPS, I’d end up in Mexico.

Meanwhile you can knock out my fiancé, blind fold him, throw him in the trunk and drive to a different state and he’ll know how to get there the next day.

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3.0k points · 12 days ago · edited 12 days ago

That shark looks like she’s* been through some shit

Nah he’s not gay, that’s just what she tells her man.

u/flyoverthemooon
Karma
692,009
Cake day
January 31, 2017

Trophy Case (2)

One-Year Club

Best Link

2018-02-02

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