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You don't eat an entire onion with your dollar store steak?

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Get married they said it would be fun.

338 points · 4 days ago

What I’m reading is:

Step 1: Do drugs at work

Step 2: Get caught

Step 3: ????

Step 4: Profit & Win

And my only question is have you ever had a job?

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Step 3 is confusing. I will report back once done

That's called African American color

iamadrunk_scumbag commented on
2.0k points · 4 days ago

Why does this sub only know 3 jokes

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Do you like bread? Again

Saw this on the front page, immediately went to go post it here.

You know, in my experience, I've found that younger people are worse drivers than old people. Old people are slow but generally competent; young people are fast and stupid.

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What a revelation

No. 20 DESIGNS. NOT UPVOTES

NEXT!

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The church lady will never get old

IM CRYING RIGHT NOW

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Its for church

189 points · 5 days ago

But it was a paper plane and the wind took it, hence the second tower being hit.

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Building 7 clapped

Hey hun👋 👋! Did you know 🧐 that lavender oil cures leukemia 🙊? It’s the simple 💁‍♀️ and all-natural 🌱 🍃🌷way to get out of that hospital bed 🏥 🤒! Chemo 🤮 and bone marrow transplants 😵 are yucky 👎👎. Your doctor 👨‍⚕️ will tell you that essential oils can’t cure cancer 😤😤 but what does he know 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦‍♀️? Don’t spend your money 💰 💵 or time ⏰ on that poison ☠️ 🙅‍♀️. For only $50 I can hook you up 😉 with an amazing 💅 starter kit of essential oils 😍😍😍! Protect you 🙋‍♀️ and your family👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 with this incredible offer 🙌!

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Haha A+ work

262 points · 7 days ago · edited 6 days ago

Well if he's older than 25-30, 40 years in prison is essentially a life sentence...so he literally has nothing else to lose at that point.

He's not going to come out of prison at 75, start a career/family, and become a functional, productive member of society. If he even survives his whole sentence, he's going to be released onto the streets as an elderly welfare case with no ability to take care of himself; who would even hire an elderly man that has spent the last decade in prison?

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So you are telling me he has a bright future

I wish they all could be California girls.

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She is Russian. Lol

"We don't have any reports of fatalities, but we believe that the death toll may be in the hundreds of millions. Beaverton only has a population of about 8,000, so this would be quite devastating."

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I BROKE THE DAM

I'm cautiously optimistic but comedy sequels have not exactly been killing it in recent times....

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You just wait for Schindelers List 2

"The search for more killing"

Follow up question. Do you like bread?

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Please stop

Upvoting for the apple blur

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His sister's ass is apple shampoo

468 points · 7 days ago

Forgot to ask how many seconds it was on the floor for.

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6 sec

-56 points · 7 days ago

its not a sob story?? and its not even that bad of a picture? please go outside and take a breather

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It's disgusting

What looks

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This. She looks like Miss Piggy

Damn if she looks like Miss Piggy I must look like an actual leaking bag of garbage cuz shes way prettier than I am

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Kermit?

Exactly. Tagging subs outside reddit ruins these kinds of posts

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Why

u/iamadrunk_scumbag
Karma
17,038
Cake day
March 20, 2016
Moderator of these communities
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Two-Year Club

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