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Score hidden · 1 hour ago

The painting bit, that's just personal preference. I don't really get into art that's made out of bodily fluids, regardless of what they are, but that's okay. There's a lot of art that I don't personally like, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's bad art.

When you're talking about intentionally bleeding in public places or intentionally making other people have to come into contact with or clean up your blood, then I would agree that is shitty. Full stop.

While I definitely support a woman’s right to do whatever the hell she wants, free bleeding in public needs to be don’t conscientiously. I saw a post where a woman took pictures of all the places she left blood, one of which was on a public bus seat. That driver has to now follow biohazard protocols to clean up and delay their route.

Do what you want but don’t make your statement inconvenience those working around you.

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Score hidden · 1 hour ago

Yeah... I don't want to get myself into a no true Scotsman situation, but I would definitely think of that as being shitty and entitled, not as being feminist.

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what does being a lesbian have to do with anything of what you just said. that's how all people should react

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I read it as STG saying that the approach she recommends isn't exclusively advice for dudes.


whats that mean

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Score hidden · 1 hour ago

summertimegay, the user to whom you replied

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I am a guy (24yo) and I am working on a graduate degree (so I'm very sedentary) and I love food and I have gained weight significantly since I started dating my fiancee three years ago. We are getting married next summer and have a lot of plans together. I would propose that you be honest with him about a) the fact that you still love and are attracted to him and b) the fact that he needs to lose weight because you are concerned about his health. My mom (who is also a doctor) and fiancee have both repeatedly commented on my weight and my need to change it (I am finally dieting after months of agreement and good intent supported bby no action). What they have never done is made me feel less loved or less valuable; my mom regularly complements me on some aspect of my personality she is proud of or commiserates with me about the difficulty of losing weight. My fiancee regularly tells me how attractive she finds me.

I have lost about 15 pounds in the last month thanks to their continued encouragement and support and my own motivation (gotta look good for the wedding) and have not once felt ashamed or hurt; only frustrated with not being able to stuff my face with french fries on a regular basis. Counting calories and reducing carbs is hard but helping him set and meet little goals will boost his confidence and being honest about your worries will help motivate him.

TL;DR honesty is the best policy, your husband will probably not be insulted or ashamed. Reinforce positively with a few complements and do what you can to help him eat right.

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Surprisingly wholesome post for a dude named Pervguy69.

Also, this is great advice.

I can’t help but feel like if a dude were asking this question he’d get a lot of flack about fat shaming. It’s important to realize your guy might be just as sensitive about his weight as a woman. Try setting achievable family goals with him related to exercise/eating healthier that you both have to stick to. Focus on improving on your health as a couple. Focus on valuing your health as a couple. If that is your value and not his, perhaps you have more to think about than his weight.

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I could be wrong, but I don't think the hypothetical dudeposter would.

Nowhere in OP's post does she say that she is no longer/less attracted to him. And, she's got specific examples of the ways in which his weight is affecting his health.

I'd get some kind of a latch for the inside of your door. Even just a simple swing hook and an eyescrew would prevent someone from being able to open your door without you knowing.

Most of my roommates in the past were male, and the majority of them were fine. But, I woke up one morning with a dude in my bed and a hand in my pants. So, I'm biased, but I wouldn't say you're overreacting.

That middle tweet, right there. Ffs, yes.

If abortion had been legal when my mom got pregnant with my older sister, most likely neither of us would have been born. And, as much as I am glad to be alive, having the ability to make that choice would have saved my family decades of pain.

I think the big takeaway from this is that not he did something bad at 17, but that he didn't think he did something bad in the first place.

Lots of us have done regrettable things in our teens. I like to think that most of us learned from our experiences and never sought to repeat those things again, nor do we brag about them later in life (like Cavanaugh and his buddy Judge did).

Basically, my issue with Brett Kavanaugh isn't just that he raped someone, but that he's actually proud of it.

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I've watched dudes in their thirties and forties come to grips with the understanding that some of the shit they did in their early twenties was sexual assault (regardless of whether the law considers it that) and process through the guilt and fallout about what that means about them and what kind of a person they were/are/want to be. And then there have been other dudes that I've seen just defensively insist that it's normal behavior for young men.

It would be better, obviously, if they (the first group) didn't have those experiences from which to draw motivation to be better people and better men. But, for damned sure I have a different opinion about their character than I do the latter group.

-2 points · 4 hours ago

People change. Sometimes for the better. If you are punished for a crime, with a hefty prison sentence for instance, do you really not deserve a second chance?

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I 100% believe in rehabilitation. But, time alone doesn't rehab anything.

Comment deleted16 hours ago

This is a support thread, not a debate thread. Shoo.

Comment deleted14 hours ago

There's life, and then there's meaningful life or personhood. We likely have different beliefs on when that begins, and since science/technology isn't anywhere near being able to answer that question, belief is all we have.

If you want to try to convert someone else into adopting your beliefs, engage in a debate thread. This isn't one of those. So again, shoo.

For most? Probably not. For some? Absolutely.

That said, you're pretty young to be having erectile difficulties. You should see a doctor just to make sure there isn't a mechanical/hormonal issue at hand.

27 points · 20 hours ago

I don’t know if I can reason him out of this stuff. I think it’s worth a conversation, but depending on his reaction will determine whether I end things or not. I guess I’m just worried that I’m being silly contemplating ending my otherwise fairly happy relationship over this stuff

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I guess I’m just worried that I’m being silly contemplating ending my otherwise fairly happy relationship over this stuff

Do you want to raise a family?

Would you want to raise a family with someone who is going to want to instill in your children values opposite of your own?

Awwww yiss! Congrats, OP!

3 points · 20 hours ago · edited 20 hours ago

Pros: * never have to pay for daycare * better supervision and involvement in your child's activities. * home will probably be spotless * more time and energy for meal prep, so less meals from fast/heavily processed food. * if your child can't participate in the traditional school system, then you can homeschool. * you can have some semblance of control of the kind of people your child is exposed to. * got any hobbies or ideas for an entrepreneurial career? You can pursue that. The internet makes it easy to learn just about anything if you can't attend college. You can build up skillsets in your free time.

Cons: * if the breadwinner loses their means of income, you guys will have to crunch and find other work as soon as possible. Hard to find work when you don't have any experience to back it up. * said loss of income will mean immediate stress and immediately budgeting down to the last penny. * the breadwinner may come to resent your lack of income, esp. if they have to budget alone for extra luxuries (gaming systems, clothing, cable, etc.). * you will be expected to keep house to the level of a professional cleaner and cook dinner every night (not a bad thing if you love the domesticated lifestyle, but even people who love doing all this get burnout). * it will be harder for you to have financial independence. * it will be harder to find work. The longer you're out of the system, the harder it is to get back in, esp. since ageism is still a thing.

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0 points · 20 hours ago · edited 20 hours ago

you will be expected to keep house to the level of a professional cleaner and cook dinner every night (not a bad thing if you love the domesticated lifestyle, but even people who love doing all this get burnout)


I'm a stay-at-home partner, without children, and while I do cook most meals (5-7 dinners per week, 1-3 breakfasts/lunches, plus some desserts and whatever I eat on my own), when I'm not feeling it, we go out or scrounge. My house is also not spotless. It is cleaner, on average, than it was when we had a maid coming twice a month. But, it is never as clean as it was right after she left. If we were to have a child, then we would probably go back to having a maid, and we'd switch to prepping most of our meals once or twice per week.

Edit to add: it's important to discuss what your expectations of each other will be before you decide whether or not to leave the workforce.

Ok frankly this person is nuts. I get doing this when you have cancer, but our country isn't so far down the shitter that people can't get care for cancer when they get ill.

Especially since you can get cancer only policies for dirt cheap. If you're so sure you're going to get cancer, get one of those. Don't just go hacking off your breasts. This is ludicrous.

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Original Poster5 points · 21 hours ago

"Fun" fact: when I was in my early twenties, I had two urinary tract infections in the span of 6 months. I had employer-provided health care, and I went to the doctor and took my full course of medication, and they were fine. The second time I went back to the same doctor in a 6-month period for the same thing, he asked me how much water I drink across the day and whether or not I was peeing after sex.

He then proceeded to give me a lengthy lecture about how lucky I was my kidneys hadn't packed their bags and moved on without me to find somewhere that they could actually get a fucking drink of water, and told me that it's important to pee after sex because bacteria can get shoved up the into the urethra from your partner skin. So, I drank a bunch more water and I started peeing after sex, and I didn't have another UTI for about two decades.

A year or two later, I needed to get individual health coverage, because I no longer had the option to get it provided through my work. I got denied for all individual health plans in my market because of those two UTIs. Not for coverage just for UTIs, not for coverage for the bladder, not even for coverage for the entire genitourinary system, but all coverage for everything. Flat denial.

The only health insurance that I could get was catastrophic coverage, which basically covers nothing.

Thankfully, after having catastrophic care for a couple of years, I was able to get health insurance through my work again (with one of the companies that had denied me for individual coverage). And then when I changed jobs, I was able to move to an individual plan with the same company without having to reapply as a new client. I stayed with that company until well after the ACA passed, even turning down employer coverage, because I didn't want to risk finding myself in that position again.

My state is one of the ones suing for insurance companies to have the right not to cover you if you have a pre-existing condition. Her decision doesn't seem that crazy to me.


I carry a BRCA 1 mutation, which doctors said put me at an 87 percent chance of developing breast cancer. With two aunts and a cousin having undergone cancer treatments in the past five years, and my grandmother and many of her sisters developing breast cancer in their late 30s and early 40s, I was told my best shot at surviving this condition with the least amount of trauma was to surgically remove the offending tissue before it could offend.

And yet note that you didn't have your bladder removed. Because that would be insane.

Yes she has a high chance of getting cancer. You still don't go hacking your healthy body apart.

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Original Poster3 points · 21 hours ago

My tits are a lot less integral to my survival than my bladder.

If it's what is being discussed here, it sounds iffy.

They do have spermicidal film and gels that you can put in the vagina/apply to the cervix, but they certainly aren't 100% effective.

881 points · 1 day ago

My (now ex) husband and I used to kid around the same way. I believed him when he told me he could never live with the guilt. We had a running joke where I'd tell him how lucky I was to have him, and he'd say he was just waiting for the perfect moment to destroy me.

Twenty fucking years we were together, twenty! The whole damn thing was a lie. He was leading a double life the whole time. Affairs with co-workers, family friends, random hookups with total strangers, sex workers...

Consider me properly destroyed.

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Many a true word is spoken in jest.

My experience with someone like this was only three years. I can't imagine the pain after twenty.

Yeah. I'm not doing very well. Unfortunately, neither are my kids.

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I'm not trying to be glib, because I understand how fucking ridiculous it can be in terms of cost, but I hope you (plural) are getting therapy.

My SO gets mad because NY is a closed primary state, but I think the law should change (and I should work for that change) to allow me to vote in primaries, not that I should choose a party to have to vote in one.

Eh. I'm kinda torn on this. IMO the reason for a closed primary is that way the winner is actually the choice of the party, which to me is really important. If anyone can vote in any primary, you can end up with a nominee for a party who is only the nominee because of sabotage by other side or by partisan independents. So at the moment I'm still for closed primaries.

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Where I live, the Republican primary might as well be the general election. So, that's the primary in which I vote even though I consistently vote Democrat in the general. If we switched to a closed primary system, that wouldn't change. I would just register as a Republican.

If we switched to a closed primary system, that wouldn't change. I would just register as a Republican.


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Where I live, the Republican primary might as well be the general election.

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-4 points · 1 day ago

A lot of people think Bill Clinton was a rapist. You have to consider the entire country.

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Bill Clinton is and was a sleaze, and I wouldn't want him on the SCOTUS either.

Who cares? They're just dogs.

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With your comments all over this post, I expected to see a new account farming negative karma for the lulz when I clicked on your user history.

But, no. You're just a miserable and hateful person.

Why are you reposting the current top post in this sub?

High-quality satire right here. But, it's uncomfortably close to the things I've actually heard/read men say.

Original Poster4 points · 1 day ago

This, or something like this, needs to happen.

It's one thing if you are going into the hospital for surgery or some other treatment that is planned in advance and you have the time to cross reference the potential providers and your insurance information. But, someone receiving emergency care is often not going to be in the position to wait for or shop around for a provider that is on plan.

My surprise billing story isn't nearly as bad as many others, but I still was hit with a bill for thousands of dollars last year after receiving emergency room care, and I had tried to be careful and make sure things would be in network. The ER physician himself was the thing that was out of network, and I later learned that the only private insurance he takes is from a different state than the one in which he is practicing (NM, and this was in San Antonio, TX)

2 points · 1 day ago

I later learned that the only private insurance he takes is from a different state than the one in which he is practicing

Generally, insurance companies don't offer insurance across state lines. Either you heard wrong, or they are just trying to shut you down.

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Original Poster1 point · 1 day ago

/shrug. The billing group wouldn't tell me what insurances they accept, but the info I was able to find online for him listed Medicare, Medicaid, and BCBS of NM.

This year, he accepts more insurance providers and plans, although still not mine (I have BCBS of TX HMO, he accepts the PPO plan only).

6 points · 1 day ago

Oh god, the thought of the president tweeting out a dick pic is gross...

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Prior to Trump, Clinton was the President in my lifetime at whom I would have pointed when talking about the definitive sleazeball of the Oval Office. But, under no circumstances could I see him intentionally Tweeting or texting out a dick pic to the general public.

With Trump, I honestly wouldn't even be that surprised. That is really fucking depressing.

Somehow my brain bridged "rapist traitor" to "raptor".

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That's a very specific brain fuck up, and mine did it too. I wonder if there's something about the shape of those two words in sequence. I didn't realize that was not what it said until I hit the continue button and saw your post.

4 points · 1 day ago

Only american on a technicality - Dude lived there 5 years - Should not be a naturalized citizen.

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Should not be a naturalized citizen.

I'm not sure this term means what you think it means. A naturalized citizen is a citizen who was not one by birth.

-10 points · 1 day ago

That is my point - He wasn't born here nor lived here for 5 years of his life. It's one thing to be born on a military base or out of country when your family is on vacation or something.

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If that was your point, then you threw an extra "not" in that sentence. He is not a naturalized citizen; he is a citizen by birth.


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September 4, 2012
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